Paris
by Penn Ames
Summary: Bella's and Jacob's love was doomed from the beginning. Bella and Edward were meant to be. But what if, at just the right time, just one word had been spoken. One word. Sometimes, that's all it takes-to change your destiny. Revised October, 2012. (Mostly cleanup and minor revisions.)
1. The Funeral

Prologue

I pick up the story mid-way through 'New Moon'. Bella and Jacob were about to share what would have been their first kiss, when the phone interrupted them. The part in italics is an excerpt from 'New Moon' by Stephanie Meyer.

_Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remains of my college fund that it was Alice. I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me. "He's not here," Jacob said. And the words were menacing. There was some very short reply. A request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral." Then Jacob hung up the phone. _1

And the rest, as they say, is history. But here is one way things might have gone differently.

1. Funeral

Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remains of my college fund that it was Alice. I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me. "He's not here," Jacob said. And the words were menacing.2

"Jacob," I said loudly, more than a little angry at the rude way he was talking to my friend—my family, as I still thought of Alice and the Cullens, in spite of everything—and angrier still that he was spoiling what should have been a very tender moment between us. He had a bad habit of doing that. Why couldn't he be a little more mature? It wouldn't hurt him to be a little more like...

I didn't finish the thought. I could hardly believe I even started to go there. I was mad at myself for thinking about... him, and even madder at myself for having such an uncharitable thought about Jacob. He was trying to deal with some difficult emotions and an awkward situation. And it was a very bad time for the phone to ring – from his perspective. I was kind of grateful for the reprieve, for the chance to really think about where our relationship was going before taking such a big step. But if our relationship was going to go anywhere, I couldn't constantly be comparing him to Edward's perfection. Still, I shook my outstretched hand at him, insisting that he hand me the phone.

"Yeah, that's her," he said. And his voice was softer now, chastened, either by my rebuke or by the tone of the person on the other end of the line. "Do you want to speak to her?"

He handed me the phone without waiting for an answer. He started to turn away, and I knew that this time he wouldn't stop until he was back in the truck with Jared and Embry. I held up one finger and gave him a stern look that said, "Stay." He stayed, his eyes downcast in embarrassment. I couldn't help but chuckle inwardly at the image that invoked. My big bad werewolf looked for all the world like a scolded puppy.

"Hello," I said to the phone.

"Bella." The word came as a sigh of relief, and at first I thought it was Edward; but when he continued, I recognized Carlisle's soft baritone. "I... You had us so worried."

"Oh, Carlisle!" I exclaimed, simultaneously happy and chagrined. "I'm sooo sorry. You must have heard about Alice's vision."

"Yes," he replied, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It was all a big misunderstanding." I wondered how short I could get away with making my answers, so desperate I was to keep him talking, to hear the beautiful sound of his voice. But I guess that was too short, since he didn't say anything in response, so to the silence I added, "I was just... cliff diving."

"So, you're not... You're alright then?" he asked hesitantly. Too hesitantly. I don't remember Carlisle ever being that way, and I wondered what it could mean. Then I realized: Alice was sometimes off as to the timing of her visions. Carlisle was worried that I was still going to kill myself.

Tears began to well in my eyes, as I struggled with what to say. "No," I said, "I mean yes, I'm alright. I just... I miss you all terribly, but I'm getting better. Alice is here for a visit, and my friend Jacob is here right now."

It wasn't exactly what I meant to say, and I wanted to try to rephrase it, so I didn't sound so pathetic and needy. But just then, Jacob stiffened and glared past me. I turned, knowing what I would see. Alice stood in the doorway, just outside the room.

"Is that my brother on the phone?" she asked, ignoring Jacob.

"No, it's Carlisle," I answered.

She pursed her lips and said, "Would you have him call me on my cell as soon as he can, please?" Then she left so fast that if I had blinked she would have seemed to simply vanish.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Carlisle. "That was Alice."

"Yes, I heard," he said. "I had better call her. I'll call you again soon, when we can talk longer, all right?"

"Yes," I replied, sad to let him go but grateful for his promise. "I'll talk to you soon. Goodbye, Carlisle."

"Goodbye," he said, in an almost ghostly tone that made me shiver. It was easy to forget that Carlisle and Edward were not biological father and son, so alike they were.

"Jacob Black," I said with a scowl, as soon as I hung up.

"I've got to get to the funeral," said Jacob, sounding like a little boy trying to get out of the scolding he so richly deserved.

"Yes, you do," I said, sternly but not harshly. "But there's something you need to think about, long and hard, before we get together again. You were about to kiss me, and I was about to kiss you back. And it would have been very nice, Jacob. At least, I know it would have for me. But I'm not sure it would have been a good idea. For one thing, I'm still in love with Edward—hopeless and stupid as that sounds. And a part of me always will be. But even more importantly, Jacob, I could never, ever, live in a home where the Cullens weren't welcome. Do you understand me?"

"Bella..." he objected.

"No, Jacob. That's non-negotiable. So think about it long and hard before you come over again."

He didn't meet my stern gaze. I knew this was no small thing to him, no more than it was to me. The antipathy between the wolves and the vampires ran deep. I worried that if I pushed him too hard right now I really would push him away. So, not knowing what else to say, I stretched up on my toes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Or the Blacks," I added in a whisper. "Now go. You can't be late."

Jacob did not leave as quickly or as gracefully as Alice had, but he was still quicker and more graceful than any of my human friends, quicker and more graceful than either Michael Jordan or Fred Astaire, I believed. I watched him go, and then I just stood there for several minutes. I didn't cry. In fact, I was happy. I was glad to have the Cullens back in my life, even if it was long distance. And glad that I wasn't angry with Jacob anymore. I had told him how things stood with me, and either he would come around and accept that, or he wouldn't. And if he wouldn't or couldn't, then I would accept that about him. I wouldn't be angry with him, even though it might mean that he couldn't be my companion or my protector any more. Some things just were the way they were, no reason to get upset about them. No, I wasn't upset. But I sure was scared. I had no illusions about how much I needed both his friendship and his protection. I wanted and maybe needed his love too—as selfish as that was, because I didn't think I could return it.

And that got me thinking about Edward, in a way that I had not allowed myself to before. Comparing Jacob to Edward. It seemed unfair before, but now it seemed like a necessary exercise. For all his fast-forward growth, life experience and natural maturity, Jacob was still only a child, even compared to me, much less compared to immortal Edward. But Jacob was quickly growing into a man. One who anyone would respect. He made mistakes, as all men must, but he quickly worked to try to set them right, once he recognized them. Edward, in the way of an immortal, almost never made mistakes. One of his few had been to fall in love with me. But, when he did, he was very slow to rectify them. And even though he was over a hundred years old, in some ways he was still a boy and always would be. Maybe I had been wrong to compare us to Romeo and Juliet. Maybe the better literary analogy was Peter Pan and Wendy. But even that was hubris on my part. If there was a Wendy in this story, she was Esme. Esme was Edward's mommy and always would be, even though - technically - she was younger than he was. I was just one of the lost boys, the children who tagged along with Peter for a time, and then were left to try to find their marbles and make their way back to their own time and place.

I couldn't blame Edward for being a playboy, for wanting to go back to his carefree life, gallivanting all over the world. Most men would want that, if they could have it; and almost all seventeen year olds would, male or female. The fact is most people, whatever their ages or sex, would not only take advantage of Edward's amazing gifts, they would take advantage in ways that he never had, lording their power and beauty over others and gathering harems that would make the richest sultan green with envy. I wasn't disappointed in Edward. Far from it. I was proud of him. Proud of the grace with which he carried the burden of his extraordinary talents. And I was still in love with him. But even though I still loved him, I was beginning to lose my obsession with him.

Another fictional couple I had once compared us to was Superman and Lois Lane. But I realized now that I wasn't Lois. I was Lana Lang, the girl Superman loved but left behind in Smallville. And, as I recalled, Lana wasn't a tragic figure. She had gone on to have a rich and fulfilling life, probably a much happier one than Lois, forever worrying and pining away for her perennially absent globes-trotting lover. Lana got the plumb role, as Superman's first love and lifelong friend. With the Cullens back in my life, at least I was back in the running for that part.

[1] [2]: New Moon by Stephanie Meyer


	2. Chases

**2. Chases**

Alice moved in with me and Charlie.

Yeah, that kind of blew me away too. Not that I'm complaining. She had already made up her mind when she got back from talking with Carlisle. She admitted that the werewolves were doing a good job of protecting me from Victoria. She just thought that she could do better, or at least improve their odds. Plus, she could stay at my house all night, every night. Carlisle called Charlie and told him that Alice was finding it difficult changing to a new school so late in the year; she wanted to come back to finish out the year at Forks High. He asked Charlie if he could help keep an eye on her, which Charlie was more than happy to do. Charlie doesn't exactly have a crush on Alice—or if he does, it's in a proper, fatherly sort of way.

I wondered how that must seem for Alice. After all, she was about fifty years older than Charlie.

"Oh, it's different for immortals," she said. "Jasper's seventy years older than I am, and Edward's ninety years older than you are. But once a person becomes a vampire, he or she is sort of frozen at that level of maturity, even though we do still grow in wisdom."

"That's one reason I was so scared of getting older," I told her. "Can you imagine me, sixty years from now, with Edward still seventeen?"

"I can, actually," Alice replied airily, "although I've never seen that future for you."

I didn't say anything to that. It was still a sore subject for me that Alice's predictions for my future had been so far off the mark. Seeing that I wasn't going to respond, Alice continued. "Can you imagine it the other way? If we had come back to Forks a few years ago, Edward could have changed your diapers."

"More likely, he would have just eaten me. Super tasty human, remember?" I asked. Pointing to myself.

"I don't know..." Alice replied, in a pensive, uncomfortable tone. "I really don't think so. He has a strong paternal instinct and a strong sense of chivalry. I think he might have managed to resist. And I'm very certain that if he had done that, he would not have been able to live with himself afterwords."

She gave me a long look, filled with meaning. I shivered. This was getting into uncomfortable territory. As horrible as the thought of Edward killing me in the cradle was, the thought of him killing himself was infinitely worse.

Alice saw that she should move on to less painful subjects. "To answer your question, though: yes, I do see Charlie as a kind of father figure, despite having lived more years than he has. Is that really so strange? You know that, technically, Jasper is older than Esme, and she and Edward are about the same age. And think about your own mother. Rene is older than you are, of course, but in some ways she's much younger and has been for years. Even though she is your mother, it's often you who mother her. And it's just the opposite with Jacob. He's two years younger than you are, chronologically, but several years older than you, in most other ways. At least, when he's not being childish."

I could only grunt my agreement to that.

Things went back to, more or less, normal for the next few weeks—except for having Alice around. She was with me almost constantly for the first few days, and even after that I saw more of her than I ever had, back when I had been an honorary Cullen. Now, it was almost as if she had been adopted into the Swan family. Of course, the 'just turned eighteen' Alice was free to come and go as she pleased—unlike yours truly. And she did have her own home that she went to every once in a while, especially when her eyes started getting dark. But most of the time, she stayed with us.

I was ecstatic.

Jacob was thrilled. As in, I didn't see him for three long days. And that was even after Alice called Billy and tried to smooth things out with the Quileute elders.

"Mr. Black? This is Alice Cullen." There was a brief pause, and Alice rolled her eyes at whatever Billy said. I doubted it was anything nice. "Mr. Black, I didn't call to trade insults with you. We need to talk about Bella, and how we are going to protect her from Victoria."

Billy's response was loud enough that I could hear it from a few feet away: "_WE_ aren't going to protect her from anything! Jacob and the pack can protect her just fine, while You can go back to..." I couldn't hear the rest, as Alice pressed the phone against her ear. That was probably for the best. As it was, it was all I could do to keep from grabbing the phone away from Alice and shouting every obscenity I knew at 'Uncle Billy'. I was amazed that Alice didn't even flinch or feel the need to pull the phone away from her ear. I knew how sensitive her hearing was. I was even more amazed at how well she kept her composure and refrained from responding in kind.

"Mr. Black, please," she said, in what sounded like a genuinely pleading tone. My mouth hung open, and I gaped at her. Politeness was one thing, but this was ridiculous! It sounded almost servile. I was appalled to hear her literally begging on my behalf, while Billy shouted and... bullied her over the phone. But Alice just continued as if she was having a nice chat with an old friend. "I want Bella safe. I know her friends have done a good job protecting her. I have nothing but appreciation and admiration there, but I simply can't leave her alone right now."

I didn't hear Billy's response.

"Let me rephrase that; I can't leave her right now. But I also can't protect her alone."

Alice absently held the phone loosely in her hand. From her posture and the look on her face, she already knew what Billy was about to say: "Well, you're going to have too. Or you can let us do it. Not both."

"No," Alice replied softly, "I can get other help. But I'd really rather I didn't have too. Carlisle is just getting settled in to his new position at Cornell. Leaving now would be rude, and give him a bad reputation. And the people here in Forks thought that he was going to L.A., so now they're going to think he lost two jobs in short order. Is that what you want, to use Bella's danger as an opportunity to humiliate Carlisle and make the people of Forks think that the reason he works here is that he can't hold a job anywhere else? Or are you actually trying to make it where he can't even get a job anywhere else?"

Alice looked over at me and gave me a conspiratorial wink. I almost laughed out loud. Of course, the last thing that Billy wanted was to have the rest of the Cullen's come back—or worse, trap Carlisle here. I could just imagine him explaining to the tribal council that they could have had just tiny Alice in town, but he insisted she bring her whole family. Then too, Billy really wouldn't want to humiliate Carlisle that way. He'd like to be rid of Carlisle, maybe even kill him. But humiliate him? Like that? No. It would be... dishonorable.

After that, it was just a matter of them ironing out details. But it was still three days later before Jacob came back to our house. That is, it was three days before he came back _into_ our house. According to Alice, he patrolled outside the house all night, every night, and most of every day. She even said that she was getting worried about his lack of sleep. She said it jokingly, and I didn't think she was really worried about Jacob; maybe she was worried that he would do something stupid, like mistake her for Victoria.

I was worried about Jacob. I was worried about a lot of things, but especially about Jacob. My feelings there were caught in a whirlwind, being buffeted from every direction. At the same time that I was grateful to him, and found it very endearing that he was looking after me so devotedly, I was also irritated with his attitude and angry that he was trying to force me to choose between him and Alice. Truth be told, I was also irritated and angry that he wasn't there with me. As much as I was thrilled to be reunited with Alice, I missed my Jacob.

And those weren't even the biggest emotional forces battering me, just the easiest ones to describe.

"It's so ridiculous!" I ranted, not for the first time. "What do they even have against the Cullens, anyway? It's not like you ever attacked the Quileute, did you?"

"No," said Alice. "But other vampires did, long ago."

"So? They weren't even related to you. And my own ancestors probably did even worse to the Native American population here, a hundred years or so ago. And I am related to them, a direct descendant. Why don't they hold a grudge against me?" Alice just shrugged, so I continued. "And it's not like you've ever broken the treaty Carlisle made with Ephraim Black seventy five years ago."

"Well..." Alice started, then exhaled sharply. "That's not entirely true."

I looked over at her in shock.

"It was Emmett. I think Edward told you about that. I saw him telling you, but that was only a possible future. Anyway, it was about fifty years ago, just before Jasper and I joined the family. Emmett... slipped."

"Oh yeah," I remembered. "Edward did tell me about that. She was one of those super-lucky people, like me, who's blood smells extra good to vampires and even better to a specific vampire. Emmett never had a chance. Or rather, she never had a chance. She was Emmett's personal brand of heroin, just like I am Edwards. Except I'm even stronger..."

I suddenly realized that Alice was trying to signal me to shut up and had started talking over me, trying to drown me out, without being too obvious that was what she was doing. It took me a moment to realize what I had just done. Jacob, or maybe one of his friends, could hear every word we said. And I just told them that I was a super-tasty human and Edward's personal brand of heroin. I was so distracted by my faux pas that it took a while for it to register what Alice had just said: "But they have no reason to be angry with me. I wasn't even with the Cullens at the time, and I've never killed anyone!"

I knew she was just trying to distract me and get me to shut up, but I was still amazed at her words. "You haven't?" I asked in surprise. "Not even as a newborn? You never told me that?"

"I don't really like to talk about it." The doorbell rang, and Alice exhaled sharply in exasperation. "Especially not to a werewolf." We both headed downstairs to get the door.

It was Jacob, of course. Even if she couldn't see the future, when Jake was involved, Alice was at least as good a guesser as I was. And she probably heard him outside. Just like he heard us. We must have just told him some things we didn't really want him to know. But I was still thrilled to see him.

"Hi Jacob!"

"Hey, Bells. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in. You mind? You got company?"

"Alice isn't exactly company, more like family. This is her home too, at least until the end of the school year." I put emphasis on the 'her home' part.

"Sure. Sure." Jacob said, as if that was already understood. "Mind if I come in?"

"No, I don't mind." And I meant it. In fact, my heart was pounding double time. I was a little embarrassed, knowing that both Jake and Alice probably heard that. But I couldn't help it. I was that happy to see him. "Dad! Jacob's here!"

"Hey Jacob," Charlie greeted him, as he came into the den. "Haven't seen you in a few days."

"Well, I've been kind of busy."

Charlie and Jake made small talk for a few minutes. We gave Jake a snack that would have been a meal for anyone else. Then Charlie headed upstairs to watch a Mariners game.

"So," Jake started, then dived right in, "you've never killed anyone? Really?"

Alice sighed. "No. Well, actually just the one time, but I don't think that one counts."

"But... Bella said that you were by yourself, when you first changed, I mean. How'd you manage not to kill anyone without anyone to help you? I thought... Aren't you guys like animals for the first year or so?"

Alice glared. "Like wolves, you mean?" she asked through gritted teeth. "It's a sensitive subject for me, and really none of your business."

Jake mimed pushing himself backward against the air, in the classic 'I'm backing off' gesture. "You're right. It's none of my business. Not if we're enemies. But you know, Bella was kind of hoping we might not have to be enemies."

He looked at her expectantly, with just the barest hint of a grin on his face. _Give me what I want, and I'll give you the rest of this grin,_ it seemed to say. I could never resist that look, though I doubted it would be quite as effective on Alice. Still...

"I'd like to know too, Alice," I said. "Is it really that personal?"

"You did bring it up, and you knew I was listening," said Jake.

Alice took a deep breath, looked back and forth between us, sighed, and started her story:

"I don't remember my transformation, or my life before I was transformed, at all. I just woke up in a cave in the middle of the woods—in the Adirondack Forest in upstate New York. I was alone. All alone. And I was ravenous. There were bottles of blood lying all over the place, broken and empty. The blood was mostly dry and inedible, but its smell was driving me crazy – if I wasn't already. I didn't know it then, but it had to have been left by the one who turned me – and emptied, consumed, by James, who'd decided I wasn't worth killing.

"And I smelled a sickly-sweet burning smell, which must have been the pyre of my creator. I might have even realized that at the time, on some level. But I quickly blocked it from my mind and didn't think of it again for many years. I still don't know who he was. But I think he was a doctor, like Carlisle. He must have been one of the rare compassionate vampires – to have worked in an asylum, helping people – to have cared whether or not James killed me, cared enough to sacrifice his own life for mine. I wish I could remember him.

"He had left me deep in the woods, far from any humans. But he must have known what a slim chance it was that the nearby game, or the little blood he left me, would satisfy me for long—even if James had left any. Just outside the cave, I could hear and smell a small herd of deer. But though I was ravenous with hunger, they offered little temptation. Their blood was a poor imitation of the sweet nectar staining the floor of the cave. I had total amnesia; I didn't know who I was, or even what I was. But I knew what I wanted, and it sure wasn't venison. I started sniffing around and then looking around, farther and farther, with new eyes that saw so much farther than my old ones. I knew that, somehow – even though I could not remember ever seeing anything at all before. I tried to look even farther, testing my new senses to their limits.

"And then I saw him. Jasper. I didn't know my own name but I knew his name, and I knew what he was. My future. My love. My life.

"I learned my own name by 'seeing' him call me Alice.

"I knew who he was, but I didn't know where to find him. I must have looked for several hours; I lost all track of time. I even forgot about my hunger for a while. I looked as long as I could, but I couldn't see the way to him, and I began to get hungry again. And my hunger would not be denied. Again I looked for food. I had to feed. I had to! This time I saw what I was looking for. A man, hiking nearby. He was alone. He was young and vital. He seemed very... nice, somehow. He was perfect.

"The next thing I knew, I was racing through the woods, faster than I could believe. It was like a dream. It was like a nightmare. Part of me knew that it was wrong, that the man had never done anything to me. But that part wasn't in charge. The hunger was. The thirst. The core 'me' was detached from my body, watching it, but powerless to stop it.

"Then it was happening, and his blood was so hot and sweet, as it poured down my throat, filling me, soothing me, warming me. I was in ecstasy. My body was in ecstasy, and even though I was detached from it, it's ecstasy was mine. I wanted to stop it; I really did! Or at least part of me did, but I was powerless. It was like watching a movie of myself. I could no more stop myself at that moment, than you could stop yourself from doing something on an old family video. We didn't have those, back then, but that's the best way to describe it. How could I stop it? It had already happened. And as much as I wanted to deny that I had any part of it, I could not deny the pleasure that I felt, or the need that was being fulfilled. I instinctively knew exactly how best to take him, to keep his heart pumping as long as possible, so it would pump as much blood as possible into my mouth. After that, I would have to work to get as much of the rest as I could, without getting the indigestible solids.

"Then I heard the man say a name, though he shouldn't have been able to say anything. 'Beth,' he said. And I could see her—a little six year old girl with a lisp and dimples. A little girl who thought her father hung the moon. A little girl who would never see her father again. And I saw the girl's mother, who would raise her all alone. And the man's parents, grieving at their son's funeral, and the friends who shared their grief. I even saw the dog, a scruffy mongrel waiting patiently at the door for the master who would never come home. And my thirst was finally sated, just barely enough that I could care. And I began to weep dry tears, for the man, for his family and friends, and for myself.

"Maybe even a little for the dog," she added with a sideways glance at Jacob.

"And then, suddenly, I was back in the cave. It was only then that I realized, I was much too far underground to see outside, even with my new excellent vision. The things that I had seen happen, as if in a movie, had not happened yet. But they were going to—if I went down that path. And I realized something else. I could still taste the man's blood! The vision had been so complete in its detail and my memory of it so perfect, that my need for the taste of blood had been sated, though my need for sustenance had not. But I could fill that lesser need with venison, with the blood of the deer and other animals nearby—as long as I didn't walk down the path to the hiking man.

"Still, his blood called to me. And over the next few hours, I walked down the path in my mind, again and again, as I fed on dear and elk and wolf. But as I grew sated, my will power grew stronger. Instead of killing the man the instant I saw him, I started talking to him first. We talked about everything two people might talk about, did everything two hikers might do. I would apologize for what I was about to do, then I would kill him very quickly, compassionately. There would be no pain, no fear. One time, I even made love to him. He could no more resist my beautiful body than I could resist his sweet blood. But I saw the guilt in his eyes afterwords, twin to the guilt I felt the first time I killed him, and I didn't do that again.

"Dylan Miles was his name. He frequented those woods often. I got to know him very well, on our many walks and talks. I still consider him one of my closest human friends, though we never actually met. He died back in seventy two, and that was the only funeral I have ever attended. I used what he taught me, the practice he gave me, to resist other temptations over the years. But I never got so close to one of my would-be victims again... until recently." She looked at me meaningfully, shyly. I could see her embarrassment.

"Oh," was all I could say.

Jacob wasn't so taciturn. "You've killed her? In your mind, you've killed her, over and over? And you've enjoyed it!"

He was starting to tremble, and I was afraid he was going to phase right there in the bed room. I was afraid for all of us. If he attacked Alice... could he stop himself? Would she be any match for him, without her talent to give her an edge? I didn't think so. Would she be able to heal from her dismemberment, as long as he didn't get a chance to burn her? And was there any chance that I could survive the scuffle, in these close quarters? I knew the answer to that one. No. No way. Because I would throw myself between them, trying uselessly to protect them both from each other.

"Jacob," I said softly, "please. It's alright. Alice has never hurt me. She won't ever hurt me. Fantasies are nothing. You can fantasize killing Alice and me, if that's what you need to control the rage."

Jacob stiffened and looked sharply at me. His face was a mask of horror, of anguish. "You?" he asked. "I'd never hurt you, Bells."

"You'd have to, to get to Alice," I said. And I lightly pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his heat and the pounding of his heart through the thin fabric of his shirt. "Let it play out in your mind, if that's what you need. That's all Alice does. It's okay."

"It's not the same," he said, through gritted teeth. "I don't want that image. I'm fighting against it. I don't... take pleasure in it."

"A part of you does, Jake. Or there wouldn't be anything to fight against. It's okay. I know it's not the biggest part. Just do whatever you need to control it. I don't judge you on your impulses, Jake, any more than I do Alice. It's what you do that counts."

Jacob tensed, clenching his jaws and fists so hard that his muscles looked like steel cables under his skin. Then he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. The whole time that I had been trying to get Jake to calm down, Alice just stood there, perfectly still. Not so much like a statue, but like a meditating yogi. She had a pensive, slightly worried look on her face.

"I've played through that confession two hundred and twenty three times. Each time, I see the look of horror on your face, followed by the forgiveness. And, as soon as I would see you forgive me, there was no longer any need to tell you, to upset you. But this time, I couldn't see anything, because Jacob was here. This time, I had to tell you. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Alice," I said, as I flung myself at her and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "There's nothing to forgive."

But again I heard Jacob behind me. "Alice," he said calmly. "You can't do your trick with me here. Is Bella in any danger now?"

He asked very politely, but I could hear the tension in his voice. But he wasn't trying to pick a fight; he was just genuinely concerned. I might have stiffened just a little myself. I knew all too well how it was for vampires. After all, Emmett hadn't meant to kill that woman—those women, I reminded myself. And Alice and I were practically in a lovers' embrace. Her nose was literally snuggled against my neck, just below my ear.

"Bella's not in any danger," she said in a voice that was tearful but not sad. "She'll never be in danger from me."

Jake exhaled loudly. "Then... do you guys mind if I crash on the couch? I'm really beat."

I looked at Alice. She wrinkled her nose and said, "If he showers first, and changes." She smiled and added, "It helps."

"So," asked Jacob, as he headed to the shower, "If you didn't actually kill that guy, who did you kill?"

"James," she said simply. "Me, Jasper and Emmett took him out."

Jake and Alice seemed to warm up to each other a bit after that. Or maybe it was just Jake; Alice was always polite. They started trading off guard duty, and neither one seemed in too big of a hurry to leave, after passing me off to the other. Sometimes the three of us would chat together, and about the worst they would do was to give each other the occasional verbal jab, like Alice quipping that she had guard duty; Jacob had guard dog duty. That sort of thing. And Jacob often slept on the couch. We just made the excuse to Charlie that we were helping him study for some particularly difficult courses, which we did, actually. Jacob didn't take his school work anywhere near seriously enough. Though, with his amazing memory, he didn't really have to.

Things settled in to a fairly comfortable routine. And about the only reminder that Victoria was still out there was the fact that we couldn't keep any cell phone service at the house. It seemed she could hit the antennae on the cell tower with a rock, from about a mile away; and neither Alice nor the wolves could catch her or stop her. But eventually, you get used to things like that. Just ask anyone who lives in a war zone. Or a big city.

About three weeks after Harry Clearwater's funeral, there was a big shindig at the reservation. I was invited, but I decided to hang out with Alice instead. Jake was waiting for Embry and Jared to come pick him up in Embry's truck, when Alice poked her head in from outside. She had been in the back yard, trying to to see what her family was up to, something she had a hard time doing if she was in the same house with Jake.

"I'm going to walk a little way up the road," she said. "I need to check my messages."

"Need me to stay 'til you get back?" asked Jake.

"No. I won't go far," Alice answered. "I can't tell where she is, but I can definitely get back before Victoria could get here. Besides, she's heading to Port Angeles."

I did a little cleaning while I had the house to myself. I was thinking about my situation, about the future. About Jacob. He hadn't tried to kiss me since that one time, when Carlisle's call had interrupted us. I wondered why that was, and why I was thinking about it so much. I knew that kissing Jake would be nice, more than nice. But I wasn't sure if I should want it. I wasn't sure if he and I really wanted the same things out of life. And I didn't want to do to him what Rene had done to Charlie, realizing that this was not the life she wanted, after she already had his baby. And after it was too late to avoid hurting him—deeply.

I was lost in my reverie, when the phone rang. I answered it and heard a high-pitched trilling. There weren't any words, at least none that I could understand, but I knew the voice.

"Alice," I interrupted. "Slow down. I can't understand you." Poor vampires. They lived in a world where everyone else moved in slow motion. I could imagine how frustrating that must be sometimes.

"Bella," she enunciated clearly, "go to the party with Jacob."

I guess my mind still hadn't caught up with the urgency of what Alice was telling me. I just answered dumbly, "But they've already left."

Alice said a word that I could scarcely believe came from her usually soft-spoken lips. "Bella, catch up to them. Take Carlisle's car and drive fast. The keys are in the ignition, and the door combination is first, middle middle, next to first, next to last. What's the combination?"

"First, middle middle, next to first, next to last," I repeated.

"Go. Now!" she practically shouted. Then the line went dead.

Sometimes I'm kind of slow on the uptake. But Alice's urgency was beginning to sink in. I was in mortal danger! I raced to the car as quickly as I dared, mindful of my tendency to trip. I didn't grab anything, not even my cell. I did not lock the door behind me. I didn't even make sure it was shut. I just kept repeating to myself, as I ran: "First, middle middle, next to first, next to last."

The key pad on Carlisle's car had no markings on it, and it matched the door so tightly it was almost seamless. I had seen Carlisle enter the combination in under a fifth of a second. I had to take Edward's word on that; it was too quick for me to time—or follow. But Carlisle had told me the combination before, the same one Alice just gave me: first, middle middle, next to first, next to last. I wondered if he had made it simple for my sake, guessing that I might need to borrow it some day.

I got in the car, fumbled a few seconds with the unfamiliar controls, got it in gear, and took off like a bat. The joke took a little of the edge off my terror. Edward, Emmett and I used to call Carlisle's sleek black Mercedes, with its darkly-tinted windows, 'The Bat Mobile'. Not where Carlisle could hear us, of course. I let out a sigh of relief as soon as I hit the open road. I genuinely felt dizzy, and I thought at least part of it was from lack of oxygen. I'm sure I must have breathed a couple of times since Alice said "Go," but if I did, I don't remember it. I started to relax, thinking I was safe, when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something it the woods beside the road. It was red, and it was moving fast. Victoria! Thank God for her vanity. If she had dyed her hair a more mundane color or wrapped a scarf around it, I would never have seen it. And I would be dead.

I pushed the gas pedal to the floor and was thrown back into my seat. I swear that car accelerated so fast it was frightening! But not as frightening as Victoria. I did not let off the gas. I was afraid that I was going too fast for the poorly-paved country road, but I was much more afraid of Victoria. She broke through the cover of the woods on an intercept course with me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Worse, there was a curve coming up that would only give me two choices: slow down or crash.

Victoria hit the fender of the car, and I thought that was it for me. But she had underestimated the car's mass and speed. Her fingers dug into the finder, but she bounced off the car so violently that she was torn away from it and went rolling in the street. I slowed a fraction for the curve, but then sped up again as soon as I could. In my rear-view mirror, I saw not just one but two vampires chasing me! Victoria was joined by a large blond-haired man, and both of them were going faster than I could on the curvy road ahead.

I had once raced the Cullen youths on the same section of road I was on now. I was driving Edward's Vanquish, and they were all on foot. I won that race. I had started pulling away from the slowest, Alice, at 87 miles per hour, and the fastest, Edward, at 112. But that race had ended before we got to the curves, and Edward might have let me win. According to Alice, Victoria was close in physical prowess to Edward, maybe even stronger, maybe even faster. And I couldn't possibly go even eighty seven on the curves, but at least I put some distance between us on the straightway.

Somehow, I made it through the worst section without either crashing or having the vampires catch me. I came out of the last of the bad curves with the two of them maybe twenty yards behind me. The road ahead was straight, but I still didn't dare do more than ninety, tops. Even that was way faster than any sane driver would take this road—except Edward, he usually took this section at one oh five. Well, if he could, so could I. Not safely, of course, but safety wasn't really an option now. I pushed my foot to the floor and tried to stretch my lead as far as I could, while I could. Then, up ahead, I saw a pickup truck going just a little under the speed limit, maybe forty or forty five miles per hour—because of the junk in the back that would have been in danger of bouncing out or blowing off, if it went any faster. My heart leaped. It was Embry's truck, with him and Jacob and Jared inside. I leaned on my horn and prayed that no car was coming in the other direction. I didn't dare stop or even slow down until after I passed them. Victoria and her companion were less than thirty yards behind me.

I passed the truck, and so did my pursuers. I looked in the mirror and saw them a couple of dozen yards behind me. I couldn't possibly go any faster on this section of road. Then I saw the passenger door of the truck open, and Jacob jumped out, phasing in mid air. He hit the ground running, and I knew it wouldn't take him long to catch the two vampires. He was, simply, the fastest thing alive. Even the other werewolves, all of them faster than Edward, were humbled by his speed.

But Victoria didn't have to be faster than Jake. She only had to be faster than me. I suddenly recognized where I was and slammed on the brakes. The hairpin curve ahead was one of the deadliest in the area. It even had a name: The Knife, just outside of Forks. Victoria knew that I would either have to stop or go flying off the cliff. She had probably bet that my terror would do her work for her. And if Jake hadn't been there, she probably would have been right. The car's anti-lock brakes kept me alive, but I wound up at a dead stop and not just slowed. I knew it would only be seconds before Victoria or her companion came crashing through a window. But they didn't. They were busy with Jacob.

Now, a werewolf is maybe a match for one vampire, and one-on-one against a 'typical' vampire, my money would be on Jacob. But that's mostly because I love him and think he's the greatest. Well, almost the greatest. But taking on two vampires at once was suicide! But that was what he was doing, keeping them too busy to go after me—by putting himself in deadly danger. Victoria tried to go for me, while her friend attacked Jacob. But Jacob ignored his attacker and went straight for Victoria. He took a vicious punch to his side in the process, but Victoria was forced to turn and face him. _Where were Jared and Embry?_

Just as I thought it, I saw them get out of the truck and phase into wolves. I never quite get over seeing that. Vampires are more powerful, but they don't so obviously break the laws of physics. One minute, Jared and Embry were a couple of large but not giant boys—the next, they were giant wolves, bigger and heavier than clydesdales. And faster than cheetahs! I thought they would charge right at the vampires, but they didn't. Instead, they raced past them and put themselves between the vampires and me.

The vampire pair saw that it was hopeless to try to get past my guards, at least while Jacob was attacking them at the same time. But vampires are quick, mind and body. It took them about a half a second to reassess the situation and come up with a new plan of attack. Realizing that the other two wolves were taking purely defensive postures, they focused on Jacob. Two against one, they should be able to dispatch him quickly. Then it would be two vampires against a couple of very young, inexperienced wolves.

The three combatants came together, and something happened too fast for my eyes to follow. In less than a second, they were back apart again. In this lull, I could see that Jacob was injured, limping, and my heart leaped into my throat. He was favoring his left leg, the one closest to Victoria. But then I saw that the other vampire was staring in surprise at his own left arm, where his hand used to be. Jared and Embry stiffened and looked like they were about to pounce. _Maybe,_ I thought, _between the two of them, they'll be able to find a pair of balls._ Then, quick as a flash, the two vampires darted away and off the cliff.

Most—not all, of course, but most—of a werewolf's power is in his jaws and teeth. A werewolf's teeth could cut through a vampire's body like it was pasta. But the rest of a werewolf's body was weaker than a vampire's. A fall from Knife Point would probably kill a werewolf. Not so a vampire. They could fall from the stratosphere onto sharp rocks, and the only things that would be hurt would be the rocks. Victoria had chosen the perfect place for her attack. With a ready escape hatch, in case it went sour.

A panting, limping Jacob headed over to my car. But for once, I was faster than he was. I jumped out of the car and raced to him with tears streaming down my face. "Jacob, Jacob, oh Jacob!" I cried, as I buried my face in the warm soft fur under his neck. I wrapped my arms around him as far as they would go and pressed myself against him as hard as I could. I just held him that way, cooing and crying for several seconds, until Jared and Embry came up to us. They were human again and had large towels wrapped around their waists. Jared held another one ready for Jacob, for when he phased back. I inwardly chuckled at how people still worried about something as trivial as nudity at a time like this.

Embry worked on the gash on Jacob's side. He had some bent pieces of metal that he used to clamp the wound closed. "Bella, if you could move 'The Batmobile' over there," he said, pointing to a gravel area on the side of the road away from the cliff. "That'll get it off the road, and we can use it and the truck to shield Jacob from passing cars. He should heal a little more before he phases back, and we've been real lucky no one's driven by yet."

"Can't one of you do it?" I asked. "The keys are in it."

All three of them, even Jacob in wolf form, had expressions like I'd just asked them to go check on Alice in the ladies room.

"Drive the Cullen's car?" said Jared. "You want us to start a war?"

I breathed out in exasperation and headed to the car. Somehow, I had to get the two branches of my extended family to get along better. Of course, no matter how peaceful or even friendly they became, Alice really wouldn't appreciate the smell of werewolf in her—or actually Carlisle's—car. I doubted they would appreciate the big dent and gash in the fender either. There went my safe driver rating, not to mention the rest of my college fund. I thought that for just an instant then laughed at myself. I knew they wouldn't let me pay for it, much less ask me to. My only price would be guilt. I also thought about Embry calling the car 'The Bat Mobile' and how funny it was that he used the same joke I did, but then I noticed the license tag: BATMBL. It didn't have that, back when Edward, Emmett and I used to joke about it. Oh well, I shouldn't even bother trying to keep my voice down around werewolves and vampires.

We got the car and the truck moved and got Jacob situated behind them, just in time for a car to pass by. That was close. The last thing we needed was more people in on the secrets of Forks, more people to protect from the many vampires who would be out to kill them for their forbidden knowledge. I watched the car go around the bend towards town. I could finally take a breath, and boy did I use it.

"What the hell were you thinking, leaving Jacob to face those two alone?" I yelled at Jared and Embry. "The three of you together probably could have taken them, or at least looked out for each other. Jacob got hurt because you didn't help him!"

The two boys looked down with stupid embarrassed grins on their faces.

"Sorry, Bella," Jared confessed. "We couldn't."

"He used 'the voice'," Embry clarified.

I was still confused. So he elaborated. "You know. The alpha voice."

"Jacob's beta to Sam," Jared added. "But when he turns on his alpha, you know it!"

"I'll say," said Embry, in an almost awe-stuck tone, "when he said 'PROTECT BELLA!', it was like I'd suddenly imprinted on you!"

"You too?" said Jared. "Man. That was scary!"

"But why?" I asked, turning to Jacob. "What were you thinking?" I asked softly, not expecting an answer. I could see that he was sleeping and didn't really want to wake him.

"He thought it would only take a blink of an eye for one of them to do something like this..." As Jared said that, he swept his foot backwards to catch on a broken tree branch, lying on the ground. It went soaring behind him and over the edge of the cliff. "… to your car. The bloodsuckers are STRONG, Bella. And they're even quicker than we are. Well, most of us," he added, looking at Jacob.

"We're faster long-distance runners, though. Got longer strides," said Embry. Then he added, "I hate to say it, but I think he was right. There's just so many ways one of them could've killed you in the middle of a fight."

We chatted for about a half hour, while Jacob slept and healed. I talked about the Cullens, especially Alice—especially not Edward. They seemed to be having a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea that the Cullens might actually be nice people. The conversation hit a lull, and we were all just relaxing, sitting on rocks beside the hill, when Jacob suddenly stirred. His eyes seemed to focus on something far away for a minute, then he looked over at Jared. Jared brought him the towel, and Jacob phased back to human. The metal staples fell off him as he did, and he looked almost completely healed. There was just a little redness and swelling where the cuts had been.

"Sam?" Jared asked.

"Yeah," Jake replied. "He wondered why we weren't at the party. I told him what happened. He wants us to get Bella back to La Push. He's going to tell Charlie that she had a little finder bender and was too shaken up to drive home."

"Nooo," I groaned.

"Falling rocks, Bells," said Jake. "Not your fault."

He then picked up a large rock, practically a boulder, and proceeded to obliterate the evidence of Victoria's claws. I winced to see it, but of course the fender already had to be replaced. I still hated it. Hated worrying Charlie—again. And I hated leaving Alice's car on the side of the road. But Jake insisted that she wouldn't mind; vampires like to run almost as much as werewolves do. Proving the point, Jared whooped when Jake told him that he could run back to Sam's, since the Truck was too crowded.

He beat us there by half an hour.


	3. The Grotto

**3. The Grotto**

I didn't even realize how shaken I was until Emily started fussing over me. Then I had to hold back my trembles and outright sobs. I didn't do a very good job of that until Emily got me to sit on the couch, wrapped me in a blanket and handed me a hot cup of tea – which she helped me hold until she was pretty sure I wouldn't spill it.

As I huddled on the couch, shivering though it wasn't cold, and sipping hot chamomile tea, I felt embarrassed and guilty about what was, for me, an odd reaction. I hadn't acted like this when Tyler's car almost crushed me, or when three men almost raped me, or when James almost tortured me to death. Why was I acting this way now? Was Jake a less worthy, a less reassuring protector than Edward? To be honest, a little, I guess. But then I looked over at him, and I realized that wasn't it. I never reacted this way to personal danger. I don't know why. I don't think of myself as brave. I just have a... dysfunctional survival instinct, or something. No, my reaction stemmed from somewhere else completely. Jake almost got himself killed. For me. And I saw it all, and I couldn't do a thing.

I looked over at him, sitting on the other end of the couch. He smiled at me shyly, his eyes partly hidden by his long lashes, and my heart leaped into my throat, exactly like, and totally unlike it had in the car, when I saw him get hurt. _I won't hurt you,_ I thought. But I knew I was a liar. _I'll try not to,_ I amended. We smiled at each other and sat in silence for a while.

I tried and tried to call Alice, with no luck. Was she just not answering an unfamiliar number? Emily finally made me put the phone down for a while and have some dinner.

The whole pack was there, and it was very homey, despite the somber overtones in the air. No one was too happy about this latest development. Now they had three vampires in town, two of them openly hostile. And most likely, there were more to come—or to come back. Still, It was a terrific dinner. Emily was a great cook, especially when you considered the quantities. I was amazed at how much the boys could eat. I was just thinking that I could use them to get rid of some of the fish from Charlie's freezer, when the phone rang. Sam answered it.

"Hello," he said, his tone even and polite. "Yes, she's right here." Sam's eyebrows went up as if he just heard something surprising, but his voice stayed calm. "All right," he said.

Sam put the phone on speaker, and I heard Alice. There was a hint of fear and sadness in her voice. "Bella, can you hear me? Are you all right?"

"Yes! Alice, listen. About your car..."

"No time, Bella. You listen to me. You're in danger, and I don't know how. I can't see you. I can't see you now, because you're surrounded by werewolves. But I still can't see you tomorrow, greeting the family with me. I don't see you the next day, or... anything! I think you're in the wrong place. I want you and all of your friends to get out of that house! Scatter, go someplace safe. Someplace she won't guess."

"What?!" Sam shouted, drowning out a cacophony of noise that had risen from the pack. The others immediately quieted down.

"Listen to me!" Alice shouted. "Do you have any idea how easy it is for someone like Victoria to get military equipment—like a small missile for example? She's dangerous! And somehow, I don't know how, Bella is about to die!"

We all froze for a moment, then the room erupted into a madhouse. Sam shouted, "Everybody out. Emily and Bella first!" The others stood aside, as he led Emily and Jake led me out of the house. Then, when the rest were out, Sam went back in, for less than a minute, to grab a few things. We all milled around outside, glancing nervously at the nearby trees and into the sky. Sam came back and put a backpack on me, then lifted me onto Jacob's back. Jake had phased into a wolf, while I wasn't looking. Stupidly, I was irritated that I missed it. I heard Sam tell Jake to take me someplace safe. Knowing better than to argue, I gripped Jake's fur, and we were off.

Jacob didn't run, exactly. It was more like a very fast and smooth walk. At first I was terrified, just like I was the first few times Edward carried me through the woods. Remember that dysfunctional survival instinct? Well, it always kicked in when it wasn't really needed. But the ride was so smooth that I soon calmed down. I even sat up, like I was riding a gentle pony, just lightly gripping the fur at my lap. Jake seemed to like having me there, and he shifted from his fast trot to a happy saunter when we got far enough from the house that he felt safe. Every once in a while he would stiffen and seem to listen to something, and I knew he was talking to other pack members.

We went up in the hills, deep into the reservation, where outsiders never came, until we came to a stop beside a small stream. It flowed out of a cave in the side of the hill, widened into a deep clear pool and then cascaded over green and gray rocks before plunging over a cliff. It was one of the most lovely spots I'd ever seen. Jacob set me down just outside the cave. Then he plunged into the pool.

He swam under the water for just a couple of seconds then angled back up. When his head broke the surface, suddenly, he was Jacob again. The grin on his face was priceless. Believe it or not, he reminded me more of a big happy dog, at that moment, than he had when he was a wolf. "Whew!" he said. "Fighting vampires 'll work you up a sweat!"

"Yeah, right," I laughed. "You just wanted an excuse to show off your body." Not that I really blamed him. Over the past couple of months, he had gone from a tall, gangly teenager, to a Michael Phelps lookalike. Or maybe a Michael Phelps' taller, more muscular brother lookalike. His tan was gorgeous. And his hair was perfect. (But I could never picture Jacob drinking a pina colada.)

"Hey, if you can see anything through all those ripples, you're lookin' way too hard," he teased.

My blush was furious and immediate. "That's not what I meant!" I yelled. "You... you... wolf!"

Jake laughed and dived back under. I fumed for a moment, then I thought of a good comeback. When he came back up I yelled, "well, at least one of us is..."

"Hey!" Jake shouted in indignation, cutting me off. "This water is cold!"

"Sure, sure," I said, mockingly.

"Oh, you don't believe me?" he asked. Then, quick as a dolphin, he propelled himself through the water toward me.

Too late, I realized my mistake. "No, Jake! No!"

I cringed away, closed my eyes and brought my hands up to shield myself from the splash I knew was coming. I heard the splash, but I didn't feel it. What I felt, or rather sensed, was Jacob standing over me, in his wolf form. I braved a look and saw him looming over me—maybe the shaggiest, _wettest_ creature to stand on dry land since the woolly mammoths. He turned, and I knew it was coming.

"No, Jacob. Please!" I pleaded. "I don't like the cold—or the wet."

It was like being tickled. I could hardly stop laughing, but it wasn't really funny. If he shook that water on me, I'd be cold. I'd be wet. I'd be angry! He smiled broadly and sauntered over to a large rocky outcrop. He climbed up on it to stand in the light of the setting sun. Then he shook.

Jacob is so much faster than any natural creature. Water sprayed away from him as if from a high-powered fountain. Jacob was suddenly surrounded by a halo of mist and, for a few seconds, a rainbow formed behind him, completing the image of some wolf deity descending from Mount Olympus. A few seconds was all it took. Then Jacob was dry. The wolf-god image was replaced with one of poofy friendliness. Still pretty, but not quite so awe inspiring, or so intimidating. I couldn't help but giggle. Ignoring that, Jacob walked over to the backpack and gave me a pointed look and a slight nod of his head. I turned away and let him change back into a man and into some clothes.

Turning away from him gave me the pause I needed to think about important matters. I pulled out the cell phone Sam had loaned me and tried to call Alice, as Jake came over to stand next to me. I wasn't surprised that we had no service. I was sure that I had the strangest mixture of good and bad luck of any person on the planet. And I was worried.

"Jake," I said, "Alice is out there, all alone."

"No, she's not," Jake said. "Well, not exactly. I talked to Sam about how much danger Chief Swan is in, what with two bloodsuckers on the prowl and another one staying at his house! So Sam's going to have a few of the guys keep an eye on the chief, at least until the Cullens get back. I'm not sure what we'll do then." He shrugged and gave me a little grin.

It took just a moment for me to work through it. The pack didn't want to have anything to do with Alice, even if she was calling to give them warnings—which may or may not have saved our lives. But they couldn't just ignore Charlie. It wasn't his fault that he had a vampire staying at his house; after all, he didn't even know anything about it. Jacob had found a way to protect Alice—for my sake. My eyes welled with gratitude. Alice was safe. The wolves were watching over her, even if they wouldn't admit it.

"Jake, about Alice..."

"Wait!" he interrupted me and put a finger to my lips. "Wow, she is good. She can't 'see' you, but she still knew what you'd do. Sorry Bells. I can't talk to you about Alice—or the Cullens."

I tried to interrupt him, but he cut me off. "Sam's orders, Bells. And Alice's. She called Sam back and reminded him about certain... terms of the treaty. Carlisle must have read her the riot act. Seems like she told me way too much about herself already. I don't know why they want to be so secretive. But the head bloodsucker doesn't want you talking to us about them at all. No praising their virtues, no chatting about your relationship with them, nothing. Alice says she'll tell you why later. And I am bound by treaty to respect their privacy."

I was puzzled by this, but Jake continued, "besides, it doesn't matter. You vouch for her. That's good enough for me. And... I'm kinda starting to like her. Sort of."

I hugged him tightly around his waist, and he hugged me lightly around my shoulders.

"You mean it, Jake?"

"Yeah. Just remember what Mark Twain said: 'good company, like good fish, begins to smell after three days—vampires even sooner.'"

"Slow down, big fella," I said. "You sound like you're making plans for housekeeping, and we haven't even kissed yet." And I looked up at him, craning my neck slightly.

He bent down to where our noses were touching. "That's true," he said.

And then it wasn't.

There is something about danger that seems to heighten romantic feelings. At least, I know it does for me. I'm sure that one of the things that first attracted me to Edward was the fact that I was in mortal danger whenever I was with him. Then too, the fact that Jake loved me so much he would charge into a couple of vampires to save me, that he stood by me through my darkest moods, that he loved me enough to love Alice—at least a little—because I loved her, that he loved me so much that he could even command others to love me, for a time... Well, what can I say? I resolved to stop comparing my Paris to my Romeo, but I did allow myself to think of one more reference to my favorite play. My love for my Paris might not be so wide as a river, nor so deep as a well. But 'tis enough; 'twill serve." We started kissing.

But we didn't end there.

The kiss started ever so softly and tentatively, just a light brush of lip against lip. But with Jake's hundred and eight degree temperature, even that was so much hotter than a normal butterfly kiss—in more ways than one. From there, he moved to kiss my cheek... my jaw... my neck... my chin... and back up to my lips, this time with passion, with fire to match the heat.

There is one advantage Jake has over Edward (yes, I know I shouldn't compare them, but this one couldn't be helped). Jake is not quite so strong or hard. He doesn't have to be quite so careful not to hurt me. And biting his jaw and neck and shoulder is not like biting into granite, the way it was with Edward. I liked that. "Little love bites," Rene used to call them. She and Charlie still embarrassed me, whenever they got the chance, by reminding me that I used to be notorious for them, when I was a baby. Of course, Rene and Charlie didn't bite back. Jake did, and I liked that too.

I slept, after a while, and in my sleep I dreamed—about gods and wolves. They seemed to be chasing each other in a circle around me, the diamond-sparkling man and the rainbow-shrouded wolf. And because it was a circle, I couldn't tell which one was in the lead and which was following. And it seemed I was rooting for one to win and fearful that the other would lose, but I wasn't sure which was which.

When I woke, the first thing that I was aware of was Jake, lying so warm and comfortably beside me. Then I became aware of the blankets I was lying on and under. And I looked around and saw some Rubbermaid containers that he must have retrieved from the cave. That's where the blankets must have come from. It was almost sunrise, and the warmth under the blankets felt wonderful against the chill of the air. I didn't move for a while, but just lay there watching the breaking dawn.


	4. Reunion

**4. Reunion**

I might should have given more thought to the consequences of my actions. No, there was no 'might' about it. I should have. Emotionally damaged as I was, I shouldn't be doing anything that implied long-term commitment. I loved Jacob, and I knew that he loved me. But he was also _in_ love with me. And that was something I couldn't return. Not quite. Not yet, if ever. As much as I loved Jacob, I knew that if Edward showed up at that minute and crooked his finger, I'd go running. And Jacob's fragile heart wouldn't even slow me down.

But there was another side to it. It was very possible or even likely that I would be dead soon. Alice seemed to see death down every path. And I knew a little about the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It was possible that leaving the Uley's house was exactly the wrong thing to do. Death could be lying in wait for me, right here, in this idyllic grotto. And, if I was going to die soon, I didn't want to die regretting the things I didn't do. And, while I wasn't just repaying Jake for all his wonderfulness and devotion, that was part of it. Yes, the danger of hurting him was very real, but it seemed like danger was everywhere, no matter what I did. I felt that I owed it, not just to him but to both of us, to grab this piece of happiness, to share it with him, while I could. And if I hadn't pushed Edward's voice deep, deep into some dark recess of my mind, I'm sure I would have heard him again, saying, "Yes, be happy."

When Jake got up, he gave me a little tour of the cave. It was absolutely beautiful. It was a natural cave, with gorgeous stalactites and stalagmites and colorful formations that I can't even describe, much less name. But some sections of the cave had been carved out to form a living area. The floor in that area was remarkably flat and smooth, as smooth as a stone counter top. Water from the hot spring, which had formed the cave in the first place, had been diverted to form four fountains in the living area: one in the kitchen, where the hot water welled up to fill a stone basin before flowing on to the bath and restroom. In the bathroom, water showered down from a hole near the ceiling to fill a large wading pool. The restroom was separate from the bath, and the fountain there was as convenient as the others. And finally, there was a decorative waterfall in what was obviously the den. Each of the main living areas also had air shafts that bored straight up to the side of the mountain, where large golden mirrors, far above us, reflected sunlight back down into the cave.

"Is that real gold?" I asked, looking up at one of the mirrors.

"Yeah," Jake answered. "It's a real thin layer over stone. It wouldn't be worth it to climb up there and scrape it off. Plus, it'd get you about ten years in prison. This place is like a shrine, a holy place. Legend has it that the spirits carved this cave for Outalpe, a great chief who lived three hundred years ago, one of the first spirit walkers."

"I can believe it," I said. "I've seen stranger things. And I don't see how humans could have carved this, without modern equipment."

"Well... I could do it - with the tools they had back then," said Jacob. I looked over at him incredulously, and he grinned. "You forget how strong we are, Bells. But it'd probably take me a year or so."

I wasn't sure if he was just boasting or not. I was pretty sure that a team of skilled craftsmen couldn't make something like this in less than two years—with modern equipment. On the other hand, I knew some people who could probably do it a lot quicker, even barehanded. Was it possible that, long ago, vampires and werewolves had been friends? I remembered the legend I read about a group of vampires who had befriended a group of humans – until one of the humans had accidentally nicked herself. That brought up bad memories, so dropped that train of thought.

We explored the cave some more and hiked a bit on the mountain. We didn't discuss any serious matters while we were there. We were just hanging out, like we usually did in his garage, but in a more picturesque setting. Neither of us mentioned what happened the night before, but it seemed Jake's smiles were a little deeper than before, and I wondered if mine were too. And sometimes Jake would blush, when I caught him looking at me. And I'm sure I did, when he caught me too. After a while, we packed up and headed back to town. We felt as confident as we could that the wolf patrols would have chased any vampires away from the immediate area by then. On the way back, I could tell that Jake was communicating with some of the other pack members, but he didn't seem to like what he was hearing. I asked him what was up, as soon as he could talk again, but he didn't want to talk about it. We went back to Sam's to have breakfast and shower, and of course call Alice.

"Bella!" she cried, not hiding her relief. "I'm so relieved."

"You're still worried?" I asked. I had hoped the crises had passed. "Are you still at Charlie's?"

"Yes. It was annoying that Sam's phone was out yesterday," she said. "And of course, you were stuck without a car. I was just telling Charlie about a fashion expo that I would like to take you to in New York. Why don't you come home and we can talk about it?" from the way she was talking, I realized that Charlie was nearby, and Alice had to be careful what she said. I told her I was on my way.

In the car, as Jake drove me back home, he was a little more forthcoming about what was going on. Alice wanted me to come stay at the Cullen's for a few days, while they tried to track down Victoria and her new companion. Carlisle and Esme would be back that evening, with most of the others following soon. The Cullen's were coming back! My heart leaped, while Jake's sank. And we could both see it in the face of the other. I tried to reassure him that this wouldn't change anything between us, but I couldn't get him to shake his sense of foreboding that he was going to lose me to my vampire family—one member in particular. Changing the subject from that, I let him know how proud and grateful I was that he was being so understanding.

"I don't like it one bit, Bella!" Jake said testily. "But Alice has Sam convinced that they can protect you better than we can. Plus they're giving us permission to come on their land—until this is over. We can't do the same. The tribe would never allow it.

"I can't believe I'll be an invited guest at the Cullen's." He said that last with a mixture of wonder and disgust.

I was surprised myself. "You mean we'll be there together?" I said. "But Jake, that's wonderful!"

Jake just glowered, killing my buzz. I was very disappointed in his attitude here, especially after being so proud earlier. "Jake," I said, "grow up."

"Bella!" he practically shouted, in exasperation. "Why can't I make you understand how much danger you're in?"

"I do understand how much danger I'm in," I explained, "but it's not from the Cullens. It's from Victoria. The Cullen's house is the safest place I could be."

"Aughh!" he moaned in angry frustration. "The Cullens are... Damn!"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I can't tell you!" he yelled. Then more calmly, "Sam's orders, remember?"

"I thought you were starting to like Alice."

"I don't hate her, Bella. Yeah, I even do kinda like her. But I don't forget what she is."

"So. It's just about prejudice."

He glared at me like I'd struck a nerve. Then he sat quietly for a minute, and I was thinking that I was grateful for Sam's orders. Then Jake looked up, and I could see he had come to a decision. "Okay," he said, "I can't tell you what they are, but I can tell you what you are." I don't know why Sam bothered with his injunctions. Jacob always figured a way around them. Maybe it was like homework, and he was just trying to get Jacob to use his head more. I was all for that.

"Bella, you're Baba," he said without the slightest hint of humor or sarcasm. I hoped my expression gave him some idea how insane he sounded. I'd hate to have to spell it out. But Jake just went on. "Quil's folks are shepherds. They had an ewe named Baba they made a pet of. Baba the black sheep. They were real fond of her. They took special care of her. They were affectionate to her. They protected her... But one year, times were extra tough and," he made a clicking sound and a cutting motion across his throat, "bye bye Baba."

"It's not like that!"

"Don't you think Baba thought the same thing?" he asked. "Don't you think that every house pet in the world thinks it's a part of the family? They're not. But they're closer to it than you are. Super-tasty human, remember?"

"Inhuman, monster werewolf, remember?" Jake looked like I'd just slapped him.

I apologized a few minutes later, but mostly we rode the rest of the way to my house in silence. I didn't want to leave things like that, so I convinced him to come in for a while. He could brood just as well watching the game on Charlie's flat screen as he could in the car. I even used a little feminine wile and the damsel in distress bit to get him to stay. It wasn't entirely an act either. I really would feel safer with him there. I knew Alice wouldn't want him to stay too long, though. She'd probably need him to leave so that she could get a good look at my future without his interference. I think mentioning that is what finally convinced him to come in. Which was very childish of him.

Both Alice and Charlie showed visible relief when we got there. Charlie always worries when he hears about one of my many brushes with disaster. He didn't need to know about Victoria; rock slides were scary enough. We all chatted for a while—except Jake and Alice didn't say a word to each other. They didn't exactly glare at each other, but there was a tension between them that hadn't been there since the first day Alice came back to Forks. Even Charlie noticed, though he didn't say anything.

I talked to Charlie about Alice taking me to New York—with a side trip to Dartmouth. That was the cover we used, to let me spend a few days at the Cullen's. Then we left Charlie and Jake to watch the game, while Alice and I went up to my room for some girl talk. "Why can't I talk to Jake about you?" I asked, as soon as the door closed. "He's got entirely the wrong idea about you, about all of you!"

"He's also got exceptional hearing, even in his human form," Alice whispered. "And in wolf form... I don't doubt that some of our guardian's out in the woods heard you."

"Sorry," I whispered back.

"As for that 'wrong idea', depending on exactly what you mean... We've cultivated it for almost a century," she whispered in my ear, so softly that even I could barely hear it. "I'm sorry you can't tell Jacob. I know how difficult this is for you. But he can't shield his knowledge from the rest of the pack. Anything we say in front of him, the entire pack will know—and their imprints. And some of their best friends and family. And so on.

"Think about it, Bella. There are a lot of humans among the Quileute who know about us." Then she brought her mouth even closer and whispered even softer, "And if they didn't think we were disgusting monsters, a lot of them would want to become one of us—just like you do. Some of them do anyway, but they're too afraid of us to ask. I'm sorry I don't have time to tell you all the reasons that can't happen, but there are very good reasons."

"Some of what he thinks is probably wrong," she said in a more normal voice. "But parts of it are true, for most vampires. And parts are true, even for us. We probably should have told you more about... our secrets, earlier, but we didn't want to upset you. And now we need to wait until we have more privacy."

She sat back and closed her eyes for a moment. But then she winced, as if in physical pain, something I'd never seen any vampire do before. She opened her eyes and said, "I've pushed myself too hard. I can't see anything right now. Tell me what happened after I called you."

I told her about the chase and Jake's saving me. I saw a look of surprise and admiration on her face (or surprised admiration) when I told her how Jake had fought two vampires to protect me. She glanced at the door, in Jake's direction, ached her eyebrows and pursed her lips appreciatively. I fast forwarded until I caught up to the present, glossing over a few parts that I wasn't ready to talk about. Maybe fifty or sixty years later, I would be. And maybe not. Besides, I was very anxious to hear what she had been doing—and seeing.

"I still can't see you at all," she said, with a tone of frustration and worry. "Except, sometimes, I think I see you further in the future. Always a vampire." She whispered that last.

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.

"That's going to be a problem," she said. "Our treaty with the Quileute forbids us from changing anyone, even a willing 'victim'. Still, I promised myself, and I promise you that I'll do it for you. If you still want it. When you turn twenty one."

"Twenty one?" I almost shouted. "I'm eighteen! That's an adult!"

Alice just laughed her musical, infuriating laugh. "Sorry, Bella," she said. "I'm old and set in my ways. To me, well, to all of us Cullens, 'adult human' means over twenty one. Do you know why your government lowered the voting age to eighteen, back in nineteen seventy? It didn't want to give up it's child soldiers, but it also didn't want to admit that it was sending children into combat. So it simply redefined 'child'. Problem solved. But Bella, eighteen year olds don't have a good concept of long-term consequences. That's what makes them such good soldiers; twenty one year olds are much too cautious to make good cannon fodder. But that's also what makes them children. Ironic, isn't it?"

I wanted to argue with her more, but she just waved me off and continued: "Anyway, that was pre-Victoria. Now, I'd be trying to talk the Quileute into making an exception, or simply making an end run around the treaty—except, I don't see it working." She paused for a moment to let that sink in. "I see Billy Black and the other elders reluctantly agreeing. And then I see funerals. Lots of funerals."

My chest got tight, and chills ran through my body. "What else do you see, Alice." I whispered. I wasn't afraid that the wolves would hear me. I was just afraid to hear the answer.

Alice looked at me with her beautiful ocher eyes, and she looked sad. Sadder than I had ever seen her. "Mostly, that's it," she said. "funerals, and more funerals. I can't see you, so I've been concentrating on Charlie. Sometimes it's his funeral. Other times he's attending funerals. And I see tombstones: Cullen, Black, Uley, Swan."

"You think that I would become... a killer?" I asked sadly. It was one of my greatest fears, a recurring nightmare that didn't limit itself to when I was asleep. I had dreamed or thought of it often, ever since James bit me and started me thinking seriously about joining the Cullens in immortality.

"Maybe," Alice answered after an uncommonly long pause, and her voice sounded as sad as my own. "But I think it's more likely that changing you would somehow trigger a chain of events that will cause people to die – not that you will necessarily kill them yourself. I had my first vision of danger right before Victoria's attack. But it wasn't centered on you; it was a danger to my family and very vague. I just saw us fleeing, moving away from Forks in a haste. I wasn't too worried about it. I get visions like that every once in a while; they usually just mean that some human is getting suspicious, and we need to move on. That's why I left you yesterday. I needed to be by myself to see as clearly as possible."

"I thought you were safe," she added apologetically. I tried to wave that off, but she insisted on explaining herself. "No. I was sure you were safe! Victoria was far away and headed in the opposite direction. And I was certain that I could get back in time to protect you, if she did turn around. Victoria's no match for me, one on one, and too big a coward to face me alone. I just had no idea that she had a companion - until she made the decision to use him in her attack. I still don't see how she kept him from me for so long."

She shook her head as if to clear it. "As soon as I saw him, though, I realized my mistake. I could still have made it back to the house ahead of her, but – you have to believe me Bella – if I had done that, we would both be dead."

"I know." I whispered. I've never had any reason to doubt Alice.

She hugged me fiercely then—though carefully—and we held each other for several long moments before Alice pulled away.

"Anyway," she said, "now, things are worse. Since that fight at Knife Point, the danger has become much greater, to all of us."

"But why?" I asked. "What changed?"

"I can't be certain, but Carlisle has a theory, and so do I. Several things changed there, and all of them for the worse. The first change, what I think made the biggest difference, is the injury Jacob inflicted on Riley. That's the blonde's name; I saw her call him that – tomorrow, I think, or maybe the next day. Anyway, an injury like that can make an opponent much more dangerous. First, it teaches him a proper respect for his foes. He won't underestimate a werewolf again. And second, it can make him very dedicated to revenge. That kind of dedication can help one focus. It can make a newborn fight like a veteran. Riley is almost as dedicated now as Victoria is. Very petty, if you ask me. He did attack Jacob, after all. But I'm afraid our kind is often like that."

She sighed and continued. "Carlisle thinks that the bigger change is how much Victoria learned about the werewolves. Up to now, she's been operating under some major misconceptions about them. Carlisle made some discreet inquiries about her and James and Laurent, and he's managed to learn a little more about them. It seems James collected a bounty from the Volturi about twenty years ago, on a Siberian werewolf." I blanched, but Alice shook her head. "Old world werewolves, or true werewolves, are very different from the Quileute. They're only truly sapient in their human forms. When they turn into wolves, they're totally wild—much like we are as newborns, only more so. And they never grow out of it. They could never cooperate the way Jacob and his friends did on the highway. And no human could ever be safe around them, except possibly their mates."

"Now, Victoria knows that she is up against something much more intelligent – and much more dangerous. Our biggest fear is..." She stopped mid-sentence and looked around. "Anyway, things are worse. That idea of taking you to New York? That was a real plan. But then I saw Charlie's funeral, so clearly I could see the stitches in the suit he was wearing. Then I saw Jacob's." I gave a little choking squeak at the first prediction, and gasped at the second. Alice shared a sad and knowing look with me before she continued: "Apparently, I can see their bodies, once they become inanimate objects. And his father isn't a werewolf; I could see Billy standing on crutches to place a small wolf figurine on his son's chest. His angry eyes seemed to look right at me. Then I saw Quil's funeral, then Embry's, Sam's and Emily's. Yours was the last, still so clear that I recognized the dress as a Perrine Bruyere original. One I would have bought for you on our trip to New York."

"What are we going to do, Alice?" I was so frightened I didn't even thank her, or scold her, for her aborted plans to spend decadent amounts of money on me.

"The best plan I can see is for you to come stay with the family for a while. The whole family needs to come back and nip this thing in the bud, before it gets out of hand."

"The whole family?" I asked. There was an embarrassing expectation in my voice. I tried not to let it show, not to overemphasize the word 'whole', as in: "You mean every single one of you, even Edward?" And I know I failed miserably. My shameful excitement clearly showed, but at least it was tempered by a healthy dose of fear and guilt.

Alice frowned. "I was trying to reach Edward on his cell yesterday, while I was looking ahead, before things got so crazy. Since then, I've been busy—trying to see what I could, negotiating with the Quileute, helping make travel arrangements for the family, and trying to stay safe myself."

I winced in embarrassment, but Alice smiled tolerantly and continued: "Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett will all be here at 5:20. Jasper will get here tomorrow at two. You need to get packed—mostly clothes. I don't know how long you'll be staying with us, but you don't need to worry about toiletries and the like. We keep the house well stocked with things we never use, in case someone visits or we have to let a repairman into the house. Rosalie and Emmett will go grocery shopping this evening."

We continued talking, as I picked out outfits to bring. Alice kept putting things back and picking better outfits for me. That was Alice, bossy but efficient. It was nice having her around, despite the circumstances. Jacob headed home, reluctantly, and Alice and I headed to her house. I was practically bouncing with anticipation, especially of seeing Carlisle and Esme again, in spite of my worry. But I also had a thousand questions that could barely wait until we got in the car. I started to hammer her with them as soon as we closed our doors, but Alice silenced me with a glance. I guess one of the Pack could still hear us.

I tried again as soon as we were on the road. "Alice," I whispered, "you started to say something about your biggest fear. What's your biggest fear?"

She was quiet for a few seconds and looked around a bit before answering. Surely she didn't think anyone could be eavesdropping here? We were driving eighty five miles an hour! "My biggest fear," she said softly, "is that Victoria will decide to go to the Volturi. They do not tolerate threats to their power. They've hunted werewolves, true werewolves, to—or at least near—extinction. A race of humans who can go head to head with a vampire—or two? No. They would not tolerate that. They would wipe the Quileute out—to the last cub and papoose."

I felt the blood drain from my face. I remembered Edward's words from last year: _You don't provoke the Volturi, unless you want to die._ I thought of Jacob and Billy, Quil and Sam and Emily and Rachel and... so many others. Most of my best friends—no, more than that—most of my family were Quileute. I felt sick. I barely hung on to consciousness and sanity. Dumbly, I whispered, "They don't have cubs or papooses. They have children and babies."

"I know," she said, softly. "I didn't mean to offend."

"Let's go see Carlisle and Esme," she added. "They'll know what to do."

I didn't go bounding into Carlisle's and Esme's arms the way I had imagined an hour or so earlier. I did hug them, but they were somber tearful hugs, like greeting old friends at a funeral. Alice filled them in, using that fast, muttering whisper I don't think any human could follow. Then we all went into their den to talk. Esme set down some appetizers and a glass of wine for me. The Cullens thought of twenty one as adult, but they had a very European attitude towards the drinking age. But I couldn't drink or eat anything anyway. I was afraid it wouldn't stay down.

Carlisle led the discussion. "Bella, you need to be strong now. Victoria has not contacted the Volturi yet, nor has Alice seen her do so in the near future. It's only one possible course for her. But we need to avoid that possibility at all cost."

Alice and Esme nodded in agreement, but Emmett shrugged, and Rosalie frowned but didn't say anything. There were clearly some costs that Emmett and Rosalie would not pay to protect the Quileute. I tried to ignore that. I needed to be grateful for what I was getting. The Cullens were going out on a limb here, when most people would have just walked away. Your adopted son's ex-girlfriend and your enemies, who you have an uneasy truce with, are in trouble? A lot of people would just say, 'who cares?' Even Rosalie was doing more than most people would. Why couldn't Jacob see how good the Cullens were?

They all seemed to be waiting for me to say something. So I asked, "Why? Why hasn't she done that? Wouldn't that make sense, cut my protectors in half?"

Carlisle nodded. "That would make sense to you and me. But thankfully, I don't think Victoria sees it that way. You know how reluctant some people are to go to the police? Well, the Volturi are our police, in a way."

"Yeah," said Emmettt, "but our police make the Gestapo and the KGB look like Amnesty International."

Everyone rolled their eyes at Emmett, but then Carlisle shrugged as if to say that he wasn't that far off the mark. "Also, remember that, while you are her main target, hurting you is not her main goal. Hurting us, and especially Edward, is. By her way of thinking, killing Edward's rival would be doing him a favor, and killing our enemies would be doing us one. She will be very reluctant to 'help' us get rid of the Quileute. Fortunately, even Tanya's coven believes that our treaty with the Quileute is nothing more to us than an inconvenient point of honor. Even the Quileute themselves believe that. And they cannot learn otherwise now."

"It is absolutely imperative the Quileute not be seen as our allies. If Victoria realizes that she's up against both of us, then her surest, most logical course is to call the Volturi, to cut us in half. I'm afraid I'll have to cancel the concessions Alice has made in the past few weeks. It is vitally important, now more than ever, that no one outside our family know that we even care whether the Quileute live or die."

Alice groaned. "I've been so stupid lately. I'm not used to being blind. Ugh, I hate werewolves." Then she looked over at me. "I mean... I hate being blind."

"No, Alice," said Esme. "You need to hate them right now, or at least dislike them. We all do. Too many of our kind can see through subterfuge. Our animosity needs to be real. Though, of course, we can't let ourselves hate them so much that we would really want to see them killed. It helps that they genuinely hate us. And it will help even more that Edward's rivalry with Jacob is very real, no need to fake anything there."

"What!?" I yelped in surprise. "But, but, but Edward left! He doesn't care..."

"Of course he does, dear." Esme had her hand on my shoulder. I hadn't even seen her move. But then, I don't think I would have seen an elephant walk through the room right then.

"Do you have any idea," said Alice, "how hard it was to keep him from getting on the next plane, three weeks ago, when he first heard about Victoria—and the werewolves? He would have come, no matter what I said, if he hadn't heard the tone in your voice, when you talked about Jacob. And I still had to promise to move in with you to keep him away. He'll be in your room at two thirty seven tomorrow morning. Oops, make that two forty three; you're going to lock your window. I can't say I blame you."

I didn't understand what she was saying. Heard the tone in my voice? Three weeks ago? When had Edward heard my voice three weeks ago?

_Is that my brother on the phone? No, it's Carlisle._ When had Alice ever been wrong about who was on the phone, unless it was a werewolf?

And they were all perfect mimics.

"But, but," I stammered again, like a broken record, "he left. He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me!"

"Of course he loves you," said Esme. "And of course he wants you. There's only one thing in this world that Edward wants more than he wants you, and that's for you to be happy."

_I kept seeing the same things: you as a vampire or you dead._

_None of us is really happy as a vampire._

_He was just trying to do the right thing._

Their voices seemed to swirl around me. I wasn't even sure if I was hearing what they were telling me now, or just hearing voices in my head, repeating the arguments they had made a thousand times before. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't stand it! For once, my mind and my heart were in perfect agreement. They'd had enough!

I passed out.


	5. A Dark Web Of White Lies

**5. A Dark Web Of White Lies**

I knew that I was dreaming.

Edward coming back to me could only be a dream. In fact, the only thing that made me even question if it might not be a dream was that I didn't think I could dream this well any more. I had so totally given up all hope of Edward ever coming back to me that, in the six months since he left, the best dream I had been able to manage was of Edward coming back, not to stay, but just to give me a proper good by. He laid beside me on my bed and said that he loved me, and he would always love me. And he missed me. And he would always miss me.

_I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing by telling you this,_ he said. _I'm afraid that it might just hurt you even more. Does it make things better or worse for you than if I had left things as they were? Does it help to know that I love you, when it isn't enough for me to stay with you?_

I had to think about that for a moment before I answered. _Yes,_ I said at last. _It's better to know, to know that I wasn't just deluding myself all along._

But that dream became a nightmare, when I woke up and found the bed still empty beside me. It was warm where my arm had rested, instead of cool, as it would have been if Edward had been there.

This dream was different. Edward was already back. We were already past that awkward, difficult time when he first came into my room and told me all the oh-so-important reasons he had for leaving me in the first place. We were already past the eplanations, past the warm greetings – and the make-up make out. Now, I was standing on the Cullen's front porch, watching Edward stride across the yard, his skin shining and sparkling brilliantly in the sunlight. He smiled up at me. His smile was dazzling. It was gorgeous yet hesitant. He still wasn't sure if he was forgiven. Didn't he know that it didn't matter whether he was forgiven or not? I couldn't live without him. I didn't know how to _be_ angry with him, much less _stay_ angry with him. Again I was glad for that glitch in my brain that didn't let him read my mind. No need to let him know how easy I was. Let him work at it a bit. I'd earned that much. Summoning all my strength, I turned my face away from him in an obvious, too obvious, snub. I prayed that he would not just crook his finger and have me melt to my knees and beg for _his_ forgiveness.

"Bella," he said in his sweet beautiful voice. His voice came from behind me. Only vampires and dreams could move that fast, that silently. Edward was both. He stood behind me and pressed his chest to my back, gentlemanly supporting me on my wobbly knees without being obvious about it. "What can I do to earn your forgiveness? What do you want? Immortality? Strength? Invulnerability? I can't make you any more beautiful than you already are, but I know you don't believe that, so... beauty? Is that what you want? You can have it. You can have everything. All that is mine is yours."

"All you need to do," and he turned me, gently but firmly, to look into his amber eyes. They bored into mine with the greatest ferocity, love and devotion I had ever seen. Then he looked down and whispered, "is rip out his heart."

Unwillingly, my eyes followed his, knowing what I would see.

Jacob.

"Bella. Bella, Honey. Jacob Black is here. He's out on the front porch."

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, trying vainly to shut out a reality that was even worse than my nightmare. Esme, gentle Esme, sat beside me on the couch. She shook me very softly. But when she spoke, in her clear dulcet voice, she echoed the words in my nightmare. "You need to send him away. No one wants a fight. But he's not welcome here."

My eyes shot open, and I stared at her in shock. I could hardly believe Esme could be so harsh. I stared into her eyes, and she shut them for a moment and then looked around. I shook off my grogginess and focused on what she was trying to tell me. It took me a minute to catch up, but I got it. We couldn't let Jake know that this was an act. My only consolation was that her expression said that she didn't like this either.

"Bella," she continued, "you have to understand that the bad blood just goes too deep. Alice wasn't here before, but the rest of us... We just can't have a Quileute, especially a werewolf, in our home. And I know you don't want him fighting with Edward when he gets here tonight." Again her expression belied her words. She was acting. She was saying this for the Quileute's own good. Her eyes pleaded with me to play along.

"But Esme," I whined, no acting required.

"Rosalie and Emmett are out there with him now. Don't keep them waiting," she said. And her voice sounded so cross and matter of fact that it pained me. I could see that it pained her too, or at least I was pretty sure it did. That was the hardest part, not knowing exactly where the truth left off and the lies began. I understood the need for deception, but it still hurt me to have to lie to Jacob – almost as badly as I was about to hurt him. Sullenly, I dragged myself to the door. Rosalie and Emmett stood together on one side of the doorway facing Jacob. Rosalie glared, but Emmett looked slightly amused, though not in a friendly way—arrogant and gloating. Jacob looked anxious and defiant.

"Jacob," I said, and my voice was week and sad. And still I had no need for acting.

He turned to look at me, and his eyes were pleading. And hopeless. "Come back with me, Bella," he said. "We can protect you in La Push, and at Charlie's."

I shook my head. "I don't want to put you all in danger any more, Jacob. I belong here."

"You belong with your own kind."

That made it a little easier to be hard. "These are my kind, Jacob. And Edward will be back tonight. I want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere else."

"I love you, Bella," he said. And his words were as beautiful as they were terrible. Beautiful, because there's nothing more beautiful than true love, and I knew his words were true. And terrible, because it was a truth I didn't want to face, because I couldn't accept his gift.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I... I'm in love with Edward."

"You're in love with me too." He said with only the barest trace of doubt. No, that's not fair; there was no doubt in his voice. Only his eyes gave that away.

"No. No, I'm not," I said softly. _Yes. Yes, I am!_ I wanted to shout. Being forced to deny it had, ironically, perversely, forced me to accept it. And for the first time, I really understood what it must be like for Edward—wanting my blood. For the first time I wanted something that I didn't want to want, that I wanted to punish myself for wanting. Well, at least that one would be satisfied soon enough. I would be punishing myself as soon as he left, and for a long time to come.

"Please, Jacob," I whispered. "You need to go now."

He stared for long seconds, then he said, "Baba, come back where you can be Bella."

Why did guys have to get so hurtful when they were hurting?

"Good by, Jacob,"

He stared for a long moment, his body trembling almost imperceptibly. Rosalie and Emmett both tensed in response, but Jacob ignored them. He glared at me with anger and hurt. Then he turned and leaped off the porch, and his body exploded into a mass of fur. As soon as he hit the ground, he took off with blinding speed. His feet gouged out large tufts of the Cullen's immaculate yard and sprayed muddy dirt against the side of the porch, just a few feet away from us. I instinctively flinched from the cloud of dust and flying debris. And by the time I could look again, he was out of sight.

I walked back into the house and threw myself onto the couch. But I quickly sat back up again when I heard Rosalie and Emmett come back in. We all pretended that I had been stronger and never laid down at all. They both started to head up the stairs, but Rosalie turned to Emmett and said, "You can go pick up the smelly shredded rags in the yard." Emmett frowned.

"What?" she asked. "You want to make Bella do it?"

Emmett sighed dramatically, but he smiled and waved me off when I started to stand up. He was out for only seconds before he came back in with a handful of the tattered remains of Jacob's blue jeans. He wrinkled his nose. "Good thing we got an incinerator after that little accident you had last fall."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

He came over to stand just a couple of feet from me. "Sorry," he said, in a much more serious tone. "That was supposed to help break the tension."

I nodded.

"The big, dumb lout's gonna forgive you, you know. Trust me. I'm an expert." He grinned at me and pointed a thumb at his chest, and I couldn't help but grin back. He and Jacob did have some things in common.

"Gee, if I'd known you went for that type, we could'a been flirting shamelessly for months. Would've made Rose and Edward crazy." He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I stared at him with wide eyes and almost choked trying to swallow. Did he think I was crazy? Maybe he could afford to antagonize Rosalie, but I liked my life—sometimes.

"He's a big one," he added. "I'll give him that. What is that kid? Six seven?"

I wasn't really in the mood for banter, but I felt I owed it to Jake to say what he would have wanted me to say: "More like eight and a half." And my blush could not have been timed better.

Emmett choked and mimed trying to pull a stake from his heart, as he staggered towards the furnace room.

His jokes had managed to lighten my mood, but only for a minute. I stared blankly down the hall after him, but when I turned back around, I saw Carlisle and Esme standing in the opposite doorway. They both wore concerned expressions.

"May we come in?" asked Esme.

"It's your house," I said, shrugging.

"We understand if you need some time to yourself," she said, gliding over to sit beside me. She lightly stroked my hair with one hand. "But we do want to talk with you for just a few minutes, if you feel up to it." She started to take my hand in hers, but then she hesitated. Maybe she worried that I was still mad at her, or she thought I would be uncomfortable holding her cold hand? I grabbed it and held it fiercely in my own. I wasn't crying, but I was right on the edge.

Carlisle had brought a chair over to sit directly in front of me. He was so quiet, that I barely noticed he was there, until he spoke. "Bella, I'm sorry," he said. "I've mishandled things badly."

"We have," Esme corrected.

"You haven't done anything wrong," I said.

"Yes," Carlisle insisted, "we have. We advised Edward badly, where it came to you."

"He's a big boy," I said sullenly. I didn't want Carlisle and Esme to take his blame—or any blame. I was sad, not angry.

"But he is a boy, Bella, or at least not quite a man," said Esme. "We've explained that to you before, but I'm not sure you really understand. As a vampire, he doesn't age, or mature, at least not the way a human would. Edward is frozen emotionally as well as physically, right at the cusp of manhood. And there he'll stay—baring some life-changing event. He's mature for his age—for seventeen, but he does rely on us for advice and moral guidance."

"We should have given him, and you, better council."

I knew what they were getting at. Carlisle and Esme did not want me to become a vampire. And that whole emotional-freezing thing was just one of the many reasons, and nowhere near the biggest. Mostly it was about my soul. Or at least that was the biggest concern for Carlisle and Edward, not so much for the others, not even Esme. They all agreed with me on that point: If they had souls when they were human, they still had them now—if changed a bit.

I remembered Edward bringing that last point home to me in a rather circuitous way: _"Yes," he said in response to an idle question, "a few humans have seen through us over the years. And if they were discrete enough, so that only I knew for sure that they knew, then we wouldn't immediately move away. It might not surprise you that these were, for the most part, exceptionally creative and intelligent individuals. Einstein saw through Carlisle right away."_

_"Einstein?" I exclaimed._

_"He and Carlisle were both teaching at Princeton at the time. _

_Of course, it's not always doctors or scientists. More often it's the creative types: artists, poets, writers and philosophers. Sometimes writers have worked us into their stories, but they masked our characters so well that you wouldn't know it was us, if you didn't know what you were looking for."_

_"Oh?" I asked, "where can I find a story with you in it?"_

_Edward looked as though he would have blushed, if he had blood. It reminded me that I needed to push him to go hunting. He always waited too long, not wanting to leave me. (I winced remembering that.) So when I noticed the signs, I would make some excuse to be with my human friends – have a sleepover with Angela or Jessica, or spend some time with Charlie. _

_"Well," Edward continued as if confessing, "Carlisle and I each make an appearance in two different Star Trek episodes. You could probably guess my character, if not Carlisle's."_

_"Hmm, no," I confessed. "I'm afraid I never watched much Star Trek." Now it was my turn to be embarrassed. Which was ironic. I had always taken it as a point of pride that I didn't get into science fiction. The shy, clumsy, honor student was nerdy enough already._

_"Oh," said Edward. "Well, if you had, you probably would have guessed. The episode that I inspired was titled: 'Requiem For Methuselah.' My character's name was Flint. Roddenberry didn't want the connection to be too obvious, so Mason – I was going by my birth name at the time – became Stone, became Flint. He was the lonely immortal who created an immortal companion for himself; although, in that way, he was more like Carlisle than me. Flint had changed his identity many times over the years. But in his former lives he had been both Bach and Brahms." Edward made keyboard-playing motions with his fingers._

_"That figures," I laughed. Edward was a superb pianist and had written music worthy of those great masters. "Now I will have to watch it. What was the other one?"_

_"That one isn't so obvious. 'What Are Little Girls Made Of?' Dr. Carlisle Cullen was the model for Dr. Roger Korby.'"_

_"What was that one about?"_

_"Hmm," he mused. "I'd hate to spoil it for you. Let's watch it tonight. It's good. You might enjoy it."_

He was half right. It was good, but I didn't enjoy it. It gave me nightmares. In the show, Dr. Korby was an android, who used to be a man. Or no, that's not exactly right. He was an android who thought that he used to be a man. He looked like Roger Korby, and had all of Roger Korby's memories. But of course he wasn't Roger Korby, not really. The real Roger Korby, the one with a soul, had died in the process of creating the android. Edward didn't have to explain the point to me. I got it. And I didn't like it.

_Emmett had laughed. "I think if you're gonna show her shows with characters based on us, you should go with Finding Nemo. You know: 'Humans are friends!'" he shouted gruffly, in a perfect imitation of the biggest of the trio of vegetarian sharks. _

_Edward and Jasper couldn't help joining in the refrain: "Not food!"_

After my immortal soul, Carlisle's biggest worry was that I would kill someone.

_"I've turned four people into vampires," he had said solemnly. "All of them would have died if I hadn't. But all of them have killed other people. And each of those deaths is a never-healing wound on my soul, a black mark I can never erase, though I have tried to atone."_

Esme had winced at that. She had been the cause of one of those black marks. Technically, more than one. Like Edward, she had sated her thirst by becoming a killer of killers. Edward helped her find them, people who had gotten away with murder. That helped her control the cravings and even let her rejoin society, though she had to wear dark glasses all the time. And she had to be very very careful. And she was – very careful. But not quite careful enough. One day a vacuum cleaner salesman came to the Cullen's house. I had almost laughed at that, but of course it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all. Esme thought she was in control. Carlisle and Edward thought she was in control. Then the man cut himself on one of the attachments. They were metal, not plastic, back in those days.

Remembering Esme's pained expression, when she told that story, and the way she looked at Carlisle now, I wondered which one hurt her more: the salesman's death, or the fact that it so grieved and disappointed Carlisle.

I must have heard stories like that a hundred times in the five and a half months that I had been a fixture at the Cullens. My immortal soul, the pain, the risk I might not make it, the fact that every single one of them would gladly trade their immortality for a chance to be human again... None of those things swayed me a bit. But the danger that I might become a killer, a murderer? That one brought me up short. But it was just a 'might' not a 'would'. All of those deaths had happened before they met Alice. I would have her visions to warn me, and six other vampires to control me if temptation was near. Sure, there was still some risk, but wasn't there always? Didn't I run some risk of accidentally killing someone every time I got in my truck?

Okay, that was big-time rationalization. But I latched on to it, because the truth was totally irrational: my absolute, unshakable faith that Edward and I were meant to be together—forever. I dreaded hearing Carlisle repeat any of his reasons or arguments, now that my faith had been shaken.

For the first time since the week Edward left, I began to cry. "I know, I know!" I wailed. "I understand why you won't make me a vampire. But why, why, why?" I kept sobbing and choking on that one word, trying to get past it to the next one. "Why did you have to leave?"

"The danger, Bella. That was the main thing," said Carlisle. "And not just from us, directly. Danger from yourself. And we're not just talking about your obsession with becoming a vampire, though that was a big part of it. Being a danger magnet seems to be a special trait of yours – a self-destructive trait, and one that is magnified by our presence. You have obviously become much more of a danger magnet since you came here than you ever were in Phoenix. I think it might be like what happens to some of us, where some inherent trait becomes amplified when we become vampires. The mere presence of vampires seems to bring out certain qualities in some people – like with the werewolves. The changeling gene goes dormant when there are no vampires around. But in our presence its power is fully awakened. In your case, well, you survived with only minor cuts and bruises before you met us. We thought that if we were not here, you might go back to that. So we..."

"You, you... left! You just... left me!" I repeated the obvious. "I felt like... like... like a family pet, where the family just up and moves away. No room for her in the new house, no heart to take her to the pound."

Carlisle moved so fast it startled me. And where he moved to left me in shock! He fell to his knees right in front of me and laid his hands on mine and Esme's in my lap. "Don't ever say that, Bella," he said in a kind but stern voice. "Don't even think it. None of us think of you as a pet. You are Esme and my daughter."

I was stunned by his words, and I looked at him uncomprehending. He looked back at me and smiled. "Is that really so surprising? All of our children are adopted. But words like 'adopted', 'step' and 'in law' are just words for outsiders. True mothers and fathers don't use them when they think about their children. A son is a son, and a daughter is a daughter, no matter how they got there. Jasper was over one hundred years old when he came to our family. But he is our son too. And he didn't just become our son when we forged adoption papers. He became our son when we started thinking of him as a son. In your case, that was the day you first came to our home, when we first saw for ourselves that you were and always would be the most important thing in our son's life."

"But... but," I stammered. "You never said..."

"We knew," said Esme, "or at least we believed, that we would need to leave you some day, or you would need to leave us—to build a life of your own, a human life. None of us wanted to deny you that, especially not Edward. We never wanted you to be our pet, and we knew that you sometimes, perhaps often, thought of yourself that way. But we were never going to stay away long. I don't think Edward could have, even if he wanted to. We just thought you needed a little time to establish yourself."

"And Edward would... what? Watch me from a distance?"

Carlisle nodded. "As I did with my siblings and my former fiancé, as many other vampires have done, with their human families and loved ones. Of course, none of those attachments were as strong as Edward's is to you. That's partly because your bond was forged after he became a vampire, and partly just because the two of you love each other more than... almost any two people I've ever met." He stared adoringly at Esme, making it clear that he could think of one exception.

My heart and my stomach seemed to be fighting with each other inside my chest. What they were describing was both sweet and sad – to the point of being sick! But I realized that this was the way it had to be with vampires, if they had any attachment to their former lives and loved ones at all. It was pretty much the way I had imagined it would be with Charlie and Renee, if I became a vampire. My heart began to win it's war.

But then I thought about my particular case: me eventually marrying someone, having children, growing old...

Aloud I said, "And then what? He puts flowers on my grave for the rest of eternity?"

Esme's and Carlisle's eyes both dropped. It was a long moment before Esme spoke. "We hoped and prayed that he might become attached enough to your children and grandchildren that he might not have to follow you into death."

One kick in the gut right after another. I remembered what Edward said to me, just a week or so before he left: "_Well, I wasn't going to live without you._" It had been the one bright side to his leaving: that I didn't have to worry about Edward dying when I, someday, inevitably, did. I lowered my head in grief at the thought of Edward some day killing himself.

Carlisle didn't give that revelation too much time to kick me around before he continued. "Now, of course, things are different. All of us are in complete agreement. We would go ahead and change you ourselves, if it weren't for the disaster Alice sees down that path. And... well, one other thing."

I didn't even lift my head. I just extracted my hand from his and wiggled my finger in a 'let me have it' gesture.

Carlisle sighed. "There is some anecdotal evidence that our singers—ah, people like you, your blood sings to Edward—that they are the same people who are, or would have been, our soul mates."

That made a kind of sense. If vampires were cursed to crave the blood of their own kind, or their former kind, wouldn't the blood they craved the most be the blood of the people they would have loved best? And I fervently believed that Edward was my soul mate. It was the only explanation for the love I so obviously didn't deserve. I still believed it, even when he stopped loving me. Only... now it seemed he still did? It was all so confusing. And I still didn't get Carlisle's point. After a while, I looked at him, with my confusion apparent on my face.

Carlisle looked embarrassed. "Oh," he said. "Well, it's just that I was talking to Alice the other day, and she asked if I had ever heard of anyone having two soul mates at the same time."

Oh.

Jacob.

"But Jacob's a werewolf," I objected. "He couldn't become my singer. Werewolves smell awful to vampires!"

"But you have a very unusual sense of smell," Carlisle reminded me. "And you know the saying: 'One man's cheese...?' I don't mean that it's certain or even very likely. But it's a serious possibility that we thought you should be aware of. If you became a vampire, Jacob could well become your singer. His blood might be completely irresistible to you."

I didn't say anything for a while. I had a lot to think about, but I couldn't think clearly just then. I asked them if I could lie down for a bit. Esme graciously led me to a guest bedroom. It was a beautifully-decorated room, with rich brown and orange tones that were just right for me. She gave me a hug and said, "It might seem like your choices are always somewhere between hard and horrific. But I have a strong feeling that something good and beautiful is ahead for you."

I looked at her doubtfully, but she said, "Don't underestimate the strong feelings of supernatural creatures, Bella. And have faith: you just have to soldier through the hard parts."

She left and closed the door behind her. I started to throw myself onto the bed, but then I looked over at the window. It was large and hinged like a door, and there was a wide windowsill, just perfect for a nimble vampire to light on. I remembered Alice's prediction, and I warred with myself over whether to defy it, just to prove her wrong. But finally, I decided that I wanted him to have to knock, for a change.


	6. Edward

6. Edward

I did not fall asleep waiting for Edward. How could I? I lay on the bed and thought.

I was happy that I would soon see Edward. But they were not happy thoughts.

If I became a vampire, what if Jacob was my singer? It didn't sound likely, what with him being a werewolf. But as Carlisle reminded me, I had a very unusual sense of smell. And I was the living embodiment of Murphy's third law of engineering: if anything can go wrong, it will—at the worst possible time.

Or, if not Jacob, what if one of my other loved ones was? That was a pretty short list. I had a lot of close friends now, that I thought of like family. And I loved them. But really love? With a big 'L'? Would rip a big chunk out of my heart if they didn't love me back, love? Edward, Jacob, Charlie and Rene. And Alice. If any of them didn't love me, I would be heartbroken.

Heartbroken, what a quaint word for a near-death experience. When Alice left last fall, without even saying good by, I thought that she didn't love me. And it was the second-worst experience of my life. Way worse than almost drowning or being tortured and bitten by a vampire.

If Charlie or Rene... That thought just made me giggle. Might as well stay up nights worrying that the sun won't rise tomorrow. If I became a vampire, I might not ever be able to see them again. But the thing about the sun is, it rises every day. Even when it's cloudy, and you can't see it, you still know it's there. I didn't need to worry about Charlie or Rene. Even if I had to stay away from them, I would never lose them.

But the worst experience of my life, hands down, was when Edward left—when I thought that he didn't love me. No point belaboring that one. Could I live through that again? No. I didn't think I could.

And then there was Jacob. Could I go through, with Jacob, what I went through with Edward? Could I put him through that? Again, the answers were no and no. But if I couldn't leave him, and I couldn't leave Edward—and I sure couldn't have them both, I wasn't that stupid—where did that leave me?

Around and around my head the images ran. The wolf chased the man, chased the wolf, chased the girl... I imagined us as constellations, forever turning in the night sky. It seemed appropriate. I couldn't remember any Greek legends that ended happily ever after. Neither did Romeo and Juliet. And poor Paris sure got the shaft.

I watched the clock as its hands slowly moved across its face. At two forty two I thought I heard something, but I couldn't be sure. "Come in, Edward," I said. "The door's open." He opened the door and stepped quietly into the room. When I first saw his face my heart skipped a beat and then raced to catch its place. Damn! I hated that Edward could hear that. But he showed no sign that he had. He lowered his head and looked up at me sheepishly.

"You're late," I said crossly. "Where have you been?"

His mouth turned up in a half smile, and he answered, "Several places. For the past few weeks, I've been in Seattle, mostly."

My original question had been more joke than anything, something to break the ice. But now I was curious as well as irritated. "What's so important in Seattle, that you couldn't make a one-hour drive to forks?"

"Vampires," he said simply. "Newborns. Someone is making them. I caught up to one of them, but our fight attracted attention, so I didn't have time to question her."

That really was interesting. But I noticed something else. There was just the slightest hesitation when Edward answered. His voice was just the tiniest bit off. I doubt that anyone else would have noticed, even a vampire. But I was so attuned to the sound of his voice that I noticed if it was just the least bit off from perfect. "Do you want to come in and talk to me?" I asked. Edward started to come over to the bed, where I was sitting, with my back propped against the headboard, but I raised my hand in the universal gesture for 'stop'.

"Tonight," I said sternly, "this room is officially a no B. S. zone. No lies. No half truths. No evasions. Think you can handle that?"

He hesitated. So I demanded, "your solemn word, Edward?"

"I can't always tell you everything, Bella," he said softly and sincerely. "But tonight, in this room, you have my word. No lies. No half truths. No evasions."

"What were you hiding just now?" I tested, motioning for him to come over and sit on the bed. I was glad he hadn't called my bluff—which we both knew it was.

Edward winced at having been caught so soon, but then looked me in the eyes to answer: "I have come by a few times in the past few weeks. I'm sorry I didn't let you see me or say hello, but even Alice agreed that it would do more harm than good—this time."

I should have already guessed that, from what the others said earlier. "But why, Edward? Why did you leave? What were you thinking?" I asked in barely a whisper, as much muttering to myself as asking him. But then I shouted, "What were you thinking!? Because Jasper took a snap at me? He wasn't on guard, because he knew you were all there to protect me! I wasn't in danger!"

"And... And... And," I choked, "how could you leave me like that? What were you thinking? What were you thinking?"

My fists were pounding on his chest, and tears were streaming down my face, as I kept repeating the same stupid question. Edward flinched away from my blows, and I knew that he was yielding to keep me from hurting myself on his rock-hard skin. That just made me more angry and frustrated. I pounded faster and harder, until at last I collapsed against him. He hugged me firmly but gently to his chest.

"The truth," I said between sobs.

I felt his body stiffen and even tremble in a way I had never felt before. I wondered if, being so long away from him, my smell was affecting him more strongly than it had when we were last together. Maybe it was back to like when we first met. I was sure he had trembled much like this, that first day in Mr. Banner's science class. But he hadn't been holding me then. I wasn't afraid, but I worried that I was hurting him. Angry as I was, I didn't mean to do that.

It took Edward more than a minute to control himself enough to answer. I was beginning to think he wasn't going to. Then he pressed his face against the top of my head and whispered, "I didn't leave because Jasper almost killed you." He pressed against me just a little harder and said in a breaking voice, "I left because he saved your life."

I froze.

I wasn't afraid. Not exactly. But it was... a shock.

I pulled away just a little to look at him. He averted his eyes. They refused to meet mine. I bussed his cheek and whispered, "It's alright."

Edward jerked back like I had slapped him. He looked at me aghast. "It's alright?" he asked through clenched teeth. "How can that possibly be alright?"

"Well," I said, "you told me about that when we first started... dating. You told me how close it had been that first day in Mr. Banner's class. And I knew I was in real danger when we took our first walk in the woods. I admit it's a shock that it hasn't gotten better, or as much better as we hoped. But... you obviously resisted, again. You just needed a little distraction from Jasper."

"It wasn't like that, Bella," he said. His voice had that hollow tone that people use when they talk about a close personal tragedy, the tone a father might use to tell his children that their mother was gone. "I saw your death in Alice's mind; the decision had been made! I had already made it! Then Jasper lunged and..."

He raked his hands over his face like he was trying to pull it off. I stared at him, and concern warred with horror inside me. He stared back at me for a long moment, but then he turned away. And I could just barely hear his next words: "For one moment, I wasn't defending my Bella." He paused and said even softer, "I was defending my kill."

We were both quiet while I thought about what he said—and its implications. I stroked his head softly while I pondered.

"Rats," I said at last.

"Rats?"

"I'll never be a vampire," I said with an odd sense of satisfaction in my voice. It was the same kind of satisfaction I got when I solved a cross-word puzzle or a word jumble in the newspaper. Because, in a way, that's what I'd just done. This was the last clue, the last piece of a puzzle I'd been working on for more than a year. I felt like an idiot that I hadn't seen the solution before. But now, I had the whole picture in front of me, and I could no longer refuse to see it.

The Cullens made their life of abstinence look so easy. But it wasn't. It was hard! Especially if one had a singer. And there was no way to know ahead of time if I was going to have one or not. But if my luck ran true to form... I could never put the people I loved in that kind of danger.

Jacob. I could never put Jacob in that kind of danger. But I also couldn't imagine never seeing him again.

I snuggled against Edward, while my thoughts were with Jacob. It was fair; I'd done the reverse often enough. But I still felt guilty. That was a real problem. Really, a much more pressing issue than the fact that I would eventually grow old and die. Whenever I was with the man I loved, either of the men I loved, I was thinking about the other. And torn apart with guilt.

I held him for a long time, just holding, rocking, cooing and occasionally kissing his cheek and hair and neck. I wanted to give him a real kiss. But I was afraid that he might pull away, that my scent and taste might be too much for him.

I was not afraid that he might hurt me. I knew it was possible. But it just wasn't something I worried about. Call it a reverse phobia, an irrational non-fear of something that really could hurt you. Or maybe it was more like when Rene or Charlie used to take care of me when I got the flu. I knew that worrying about catching it was the last thing on their minds.

"Don't you ever do that again," I whispered fiercely.

"No. I won't," he quickly answered. "That will never happen again. Your blood has no power over me any more."

"I meant, don't ever leave me again. If you love me at all, don't... don't act like you don't!" And in a pleading voice I added, "I couldn't take it again."

Edward pressed his forehead against me and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll never do that again."

We moved effortlessly from lost lovers reuniting to best friends catching up. What? You think every minute we're together is passionate kisses and longing gazes? Here's a simple truth. You can't be in love without being friends. You can have a crush, an infatuation, even an obsession. But love—is friendship plus.

Okay, plus a whole lot more. But the friendship has to be there.

I admit the casual friendship part came easier with Jacob. Easier than breathing. With Edward, it was more like... walking in the park. The two of them were so different yet so alike. If some things were a little easier with Jacob, others were with Edward. But there didn't seem to be anything—or at least, no quality that I really cared about—that either of them was bad at! True, Edward would not or could not make love to me, would not because he believed that he could not do it safely. But that only seemed to make me crave his touch even more. And his firm yet gentle caresses left me wanting more, but so ecstatic that I was sure that the actual fulfillment couldn't possibly be better than what I already had.

That is, I did believe that—until last night.

We spent a few hours catching up. I was sure we'd still be talking at sunrise, and that was even though I glossed over quite a few parts. I didn't talk too much about Jacob; I was sure Edward already had the Cliff's Notes from Alice anyway. But I did describe the rescues. I was too proud of Jacob not to. But I was surprised by Edward's reaction to my account of the fight on the highway. He actually seemed angry at Jacob!

"In a way, yes," he said. "And for the same reason you were. He almost got himself killed! Once you were secure, he should have had either Jared or Embry help him. He can't protect you if he's dead."

"I think, part of it was being so worried about me," I said. "But part of it was worrying about Jared and Embry. He didn't want to put either of them in danger."

"I know," Edward responded emphatically. "But that's what a leader has to do." He looked out the window and shook his head. "Secrecy's not going to protect them much longer. Sam and he are good leaders. But they're going to need to be great leaders if they're going to survive."

We were both quiet for a minute, then I said, "You've really made a mess of things." He nodded in agreement but could tell that there was more. He looked at me with an arched eyebrow. And for a moment I faltered. How could I do this to him? But I promised honesty tonight, and neglecting to mention this little fact would be the same as a lie—a big one.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. I am head-over-heels hopelessly in love with you, as much as I ever was, as I... forever will be." I took a deep breath. "And I'm also in love with Jacob Black. And I know I can't have you both. And I have no idea what I'm going to do about that."

"I know," said Edward. "I have made a mess, and it's my job to fix it. Bella, I will never leave you again. But I will step aside."

I started to object, but he pressed three fingers against my mouth. "Shsh," he said. "You know you can't have both of us. Well, in a way you can, because I will aways love you. But there is a thing that I want even more than I want you. And that is your happiness. I want you to have all the things that I can never give you. Family—not just being a part of our family, which you already have and will never lose, but one of your own. Growth—not just more time, more books read or more skills acquired, but wisdom and maturity. A life partner—which I cannot be for you, and Jacob Black can. A lover."

"He's very lucky," he said after a while.

"I bet he's going crazy right now," I responded, half to myself.

"Ouch," said Edward. "Don't remind me. I had just barely managed to tune him out."

"What? You can hear him? Where is he? What's he thinking? How is he?" I know that was rude. But I can't help it. The one who's not here is the one that I worry about.

Edward gave an exasperated smile. "Yes. He's two point one miles away, at the edge of our property—its closest border. He's thinking about how much he wants to kill me. And he's about as miserable as you'd expect.

Seriously, it went beyond schadenfreude hours ago. Now I just wish I could open the window and shout: we're just talking! But we really need this antagonism if we want this to work. The palpable animosity between us is something no vampire could miss. Even most humans would pick up on it. No one's going to think we're secretly allies."

"Not even the werewolves—especially not the werewolves," I pointed out. "Humph, I feel sorry for Jacob, but I'm a little miffed about the 'wanting to kill you' part. I've been very up front about my feelings."

"He's just worried I'll hurt you—even by accident," Edward said sympathetically. "I actually agree with him, which is why we're still virgins. I can just imagine how I'd react if you were in bed with a three month old werewolf."

"Ugh, I wish you guys would come up with better terminologies. 'Newborns?' 'Three month olds?' They make me sound like a pervert!" I thought humor would be better than trying to lie or just staying quiet. But Edward whipped his head around to stare at me in horror.

He knew.

"What!?" he shouted. "He didn't!"

I was taken aback by his reaction. I grabbed his arms frantically trying to make him look at me, listen to me. "But... You just said... What did you expect, Edward!?"

"In a year or so!" he shouted even louder. "No werewolf can control himself that young! Only his imprint could possibly be safe making love to him."

"He was completely in control!"

"Then what's his excuse?!" he shouted. His hands encircled my arms in a vise-like grip, as he pushed me away from him. "I'll kill him," he snarled.

His hands flexed open, and the recoil sent me flying backwards onto the bed. Then the room erupted into pandemonium. Edward was moving towards the window almost too fast for my eyes to follow, but suddenly there was a shape on his back. It was Alice. She shouted for him to stop, but he just thrashed wildly, trying to shake her off. Then Emmet and Rosalie were there with them, and their struggle turned into a full-scale brawl. I screamed in terror, as the room was demolished around me.

At the sound of my scream, Rosalie froze and stared at the window. "No," she whispered. And realization hit me instantly. I stopped screaming with an audible choke. Then Rosalie launched herself back into the melee. They were all moving so fast that it was a blur to me, and the room shook so violently that I was afraid the house would fall in. Then I heard a horrible yell and a ripping sound, like metal or stone being torn apart. I had heard that sound once before, when Jasper, Alice and Emmet tore James apart in Phoenix. I started screaming again, and this time there was no stopping me.

The next thing I knew, Emmet was holding Edward on the floor. Edward thrashed weakly, but it looked like Emmet had him under control. Only... where was his head? He had no head! I stared in shock, and I felt myself literally going into shock! Then I heard Alice. "It's alright. Edward, it's alright," she cooed to the thing she cradled in her arms.

I couldn't wrap my mind around what I was seeing. But somehow, as if animated by some external power, I found myself walking up to Alice. "Careful," she warned. "He's dripping venom. How close, Rose?"

"Sixty two seconds," she replied, staring intently out the window.

Alice began ushering us over to the window. "All right, Edward," she said. "I'm letting Bella touch you. Don't bite her." He glared at her and mouthed "no", but then he sucked the venom back into his mouth with his tongue. I held him and stroked him, as we stood by the window.

"Jacob!" Alice called out. "Every thing's alright! We dismantled him. Bella's safe!" She nudged me.

"Jacob!" I yelled. "I'm fine!" I saw Jacob barrel into the yard, doing maybe one twenty! He looked up at us, and Alice lifted Edward's head into the air in front of us. Jake let out a yelp like he'd stepped in a bear trap, and he skidded to a halt. Then he started pacing back and forth, tail twitching. Emmet pulled me away from the window then, and he pushed his way in front of Alice. Emmet still had Edward in a wrestling hold, but he had stopped struggling. The three of them stood in the window for a minute, and I heard talking from the ground below. It was Carlisle's voice I heard.

After another minute, they relaxed. Rosalie left the room and Alice brought Emmet and Edward back over to me. "Edward, are you going to behave yourself?" asked Alice. He must have responded, because Alice placed Edward's head back on his neck. The skin seemed to stick together the instant it touched it's other half. Soon Edward was standing there, apparently whole, but he continued to stand perfectly still. I guessed that he was still healing internally. Emmet shook his head and left the room, but he spared me a parting grin at the doorway. The door itself was lying on the floor across the room.

"That was uncalled for, Edward," Alice scolded, and Edward's eyes turned to glare at her. "Bella was never in any danger—from Jacob. I've observed Jacob Black for the past three weeks. He's remarkably controlled. Better than you are, apparently." Edward glowered.

"I'm going to check that the guest room next to this one is tidy," she said to me. "You go over there to sleep when you're ready." Alice patted my hand and gave me a peck on the cheek before leaving.

After a few minutes, Edward bowed his head in contrition. "I'd better be going now," he said.

"Yeah, I need to get some sleep. You'll be there when I get up?"

"You want me to be?" he asked.

"You'd better be."

7. Stinky

You've heard the saying, _when it rains it pours_? Well, it's almost always raining in Forks. Or put another way, my luck was holding true to form.

Carlisle got the bright idea to call Tanya and see if she or anyone in her coven knew anything about Victoria that might help us find her, or fight her or even reason with her. Laurent had lived with Tanya's coven for a while, so he might have told someone something. What we didn't count on was that Irina, Tanya's sister, had started a budding romance with Laurent and was very upset to hear that he had been killed.

Edward could 'hear' the conversation even though we were in the woods behind the Cullen's house. I was lying on a blanket on a soft patch of weeds, and Edward was lying just a few feet away from me. We were holding hands, when I felt him react to something. He was being very solicitous, since losing it the night before, and quickly agreed to relay everything that he heard.

"I am sorry about Irina's loss, Kate," said Carlisle. And if I wasn't looking at Edward, I would have sworn Carlisle was right there next to me. Edward's skill at mimicry was astounding. So what else is new, right? "But he was about to kill Bella!" Edward's hand became stiff in mine, but I looked over at him and saw no other signs of reaction. "If he had succeeded, he would still be dead today—at Edward's hand. And I shudder to say it, but Edward too would be lost."

"She means that much to him?" asked Kate. And I was even more impressed with Edward's impersonation. I had never met Kate, but the woman's voice coming from his mouth sounded natural, beautiful and completely different from any of the women vampires I knew. I would have bet my truck that if the real Kate had been there, I could not have told the difference.

"As much as any of us means to our partners," Carlisle said solemnly.

"And she's still human?" Kate asked, surprised. "What's he going to do when..." Her voice trailed off, or Edward stopped relaying her words for a moment. But then he started up again. "But I have to support Irina here, and so will the rest of our coven. And she wants vengeance!"

"Please, Kate," Carlisle pleaded, "We can't even be neutral here. We would have no choice but to aid them."

Kate gasped. "You would turn against your own kind, your own family, to defend a pack of wolves!?"

"They were defending Bella! We owe them her life, and Edward's!"

There was a long pause, then Kate came back. "I can see your perspective Carlisle. But Irina is inconsolable. Let's hope that time will heal this wound."

"I don't know if it will," said Edward it his own voice. "I'm just glad that Irina hasn't joined Victoria in her vendetta."

It was almost a week before Jacob would speak to me on the phone. Neither he nor Billy would answer when I called from the Cullen's. But as soon as I got back to Charlie's I was able to get him. And right then and there, I decided it was time to get my own cell. I never really wanted one before, but under the circumstances...

When I finally did get him to talk, Jacob was completely unreasonable. Even pointing out how nearly invulnerable the Cullens were didn't help a bit. 'I love you,' and 'I miss you' went over a little better, but not much. Over the next couple of weeks, we talked on the phone more and more. It was strained and frustrating but getting better. Jake also managed to come to the high school on the slightest pretext. That was a kind of neutral ground, and Alice would distract Edward while Jake and I caught up—provided we didn't go overboard. The most Alice would allow was a quick peck on the lips. Like I said, frustrating.

And it was just as frustrating with Edward. I loved being with him, but we both knew that we were asking for trouble if we let things get romantic. The most we did in private was hold hands, and I would rest my head against him and that sort of thing. In public, however, we needed to play the roll of reconciling couple. That was an exquisite agony—and did nothing to relieve my frustration.

The worst part was that we were making no progress on Victoria. Tanya, bless her, decided that as mad as she was at the werewolves, she was even more angry at Victoria. (She also, I learned, had a crush on Edward. That gave me a taste of my own medicine, as I both hoped and feared that she might 'square' our awkward triangle.) She told us that Victoria had a true talent for evasion. She would never fall into a trap. She could escape from almost any situation. And to a lesser extent, she could evade roadblocks and obstacles intended to keep her out as well as in. That was why she seemed to know exactly the right time to attack, when Alice left me unguarded just for a minute. We were all on double alert after we heard that.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Edward. "The Cullens can't spend the rest of their lives protecting me!

Edward snorted. "Worst-case scenario, we spend the rest of _your _life protecting you. Seriously Bella, this is the last thing you need to worry about. We're all worried about you, as we would be about any family member who was in danger. But we're actually enjoying having a project to work on. Even Rosalie is happy to do it. I put the most time into body guard duty, but I promise you, it's a labor of love."

It was true that Rose, as I'd started calling her, had warmed up to me a bit since I decided not to become a vampire. We were probably still each other's least-favorite siblings, but someone had to be.

And it was nice, more than nice, spending so much time with Edward. It was also confusing, and it made me feel guilty, and it made me second-guess my decision. Which made me feel even more guilty. I even felt guilty about feeling guilty. I mean, just because I thought I had it all worked out didn't mean that was the only way it could be, right? Why should I feel guilty for enjoying my time with Edward? Wouldn't I feel just as guilty if I was back with Jake? Aye, there was the rub, because I knew that I would. It seemed I was doomed to hurt one or the other or both of them, and to pay my penance in guilt.

Thinking of causing Edward pain made me remember something else. "What did you mean when you said that my blood has no more power over you?" I asked him. "I've been meaning to ask." I was nestled against him on the couch, in one of the Cullen's guest rooms, ostensibly watching TV. I swear I couldn't have said what was on. Some crime drama, I think.

Edward stared at me in wonder. "I told you, almost three weeks ago, how close I came to killing you. Since then, you've been alone with me, with my mouth practically pressed against your neck, almost daily. And you're just now getting around to wondering if you're safe?"

"I'm not wondering if I'm safe," I said, slightly offended. "I'm just wondering what you meant. And if I'm making you... uncomfortable." He'd probably lie if I was. One thing I liked about Rose was that she would tell me unpleasant truths. Like when I observed that, even if Victoria manged to get a good bite in, she wouldn't have time to burn the body as long as another Cullen or two was nearby. Rose let me know it wasn't that easy. Vampire venom was like acid to an open wound. In a small cut, it would leave a scar. With an amputation, it could make reattachment impossible. With decapitation... mercy killing might be the only option. She had not, of course, excreted any venom when she decapitated Edward. (I knew it had to have been her.)

Edward took just a second to compose his answer, "I have known in my heart and mind that I could not live another day if I killed you, practically since we first met. But my body didn't know it until I thought you were actually dead. The pain of that was the greatest pain I have ever felt. Now my body instinctively recoils from anything that might cause that pain again. Instinctively. I don't have to think about it at all. Now I hardly even notice your scent. I just shut it out.

"Oh, so now I don't even smell good to you anymore?" I asked in a hurt voice. The funny thing was that I didn't have to try very hard for that tone. Hey, everybody likes to feel special, even if it does put you in danger.

Edward grinned and breathed in deeply. Then he got a very strange look on his face. He sniffed at the air and his brow wrinkled. "Alice!" he shouted.

He hadn't even finished her name when Alice came dancing into the room. She shut the door behind her. "What on earth do you need a sewing needle for?" she asked, holding out the tiny implement. It must be convenient to have a sister like Alice.

Edward took the needle from her and rubbed it vigorously with his thumb and forefinger. "Bella," he said in a worried voice. "could you hold out your hand, please? I promise this won't hurt. Oh, and hold your nose." He took my hand and looked over at Alice. She looked back at Edward incredulously. "Do you need to leave the room?" he asked.

Her incredulous look morphed into something more like shock. "I'm fine," she said with emphasis on the "I". Edward looked back at me to make sure I was ready and pricked my finger with the needle. I was not surprised that he found a nice vein and did not hit any nerves.

A tiny drop of blood formed on my skin. Edward leaned toward it just a little, then thought better of that. He touched the drop with his finger and brought it to his lips. It looked almost like he went into a trance. His eyes seemed to glaze over, and his mouth did not close as he pulled his finger away. He froze like that for several seconds before he turned to look at me in wonder.

I had a bad feeling about this.

"Well, was it as good as it's been hyped up to be?" Alice asked.

Edward shook himself a little and said, "taste for yourself."

Alice looked shocked, but she saw that he was serious. She walked slowly over to us, sniffing the air as she came. Her look said that she could already smell what he was talking about, but she still came over and repeated Edward's actions, using her finger to get a drop of blood to her tongue. Her eye's got big. "Is that... wolf?" she asked incredulously.

"You shouldn't need to taste it to get something that obvious, Alice," Edward chided. As he spoke, he swiped his finger across mine again. It must have had a little venom on it. It sizzled like peroxide and cauterized the wound. He wasn't taking any chances on a repeat of my birthday party. The spot was so tiny that I couldn't even feel it.

Alice concentrated on the taste in her mouth, and her eyes got even bigger as she looked at me.

"Bella, you... you're... do you...?"

Wow. I never thought I'd see a vampire at a loss like that—especially not Alice.

I gulped. "If you're about to say that I'm going to have a baby, I guess I already guessed," I said. "Uh, if you were going to say something else, pretend I didn't say that."

"No, that was it," said Alice grinning. "So you're... going to...? I mean, you've already decided?"

"Like you didn't already know."

"No, I didn't," she corrected me. "I haven't been able to see you in... weeks. Since you went to La Push after the fight at Knife Point. First you were fuzzy, or rather distant and indistinct. I couldn't see you in La Push, but I saw you going with me to greet Carlisle and Esme. Then your future just winked out. I thought you were about to die! I called to warn you, remember? And I haven't been able to see you since. It's worried me, let me tell you. But I thought your destiny had simply gotten too tangled with the werewolves'."

"That... sounds... about right," I said. I stumbled over words as I thought back to the events three weeks ago. "Self-fulfilling prophecy," I muttered to myself.

"What?" asked Edward."

"If Alice hadn't seen my future disappear, she wouldn't have called to warn me that I was about to die. And I wouldn't have gone off alone with Jacob. And my future wouldn't have disappeared."

Alice looked shocked, then chagrined. "That sort of thing doesn't usually happen to me," she said ruefully. "But all these blind spots..."

"Ugh," I groaned. "I am soooo stupid! I know I should have... Or rather, I shouldn't have... But I was over a week away from being fertile!"

Edward and Alice looked at me sympathetically.

"I imagine Jacob's spermatozoa are a bit hardier than a normal human's," Alice observed, stating what should have been obvious.

"You do still have options here, Bella," Edward pointed out. "If you..."

"No," I said. "I mean, yes, I know I do. But I'm not going to do that."

We all stood quietly for a minute. Then Alice said with a sound of wonder in her voice, "you're going to have a baby."

"A stinky baby," Edward pointed out.

That seemed to trigger some kind of recognition in Alice. "A stinky baby," she repeated slowly.

"A very stinky baby," Edward said with a grin. "The house is going to positively reek."

Alice looked at Edward, and a huge smile slowly spread across her face. She turned and asked me, "can I tell Esme? Rose?"

"Knock yourself out," I said. I was glad that she looked so happy. I wished I was. I kept making decisions that I wasn't too thrilled with, but it didn't seem I had any other choice. "But don't call it a..."

"Stinky baby!" Alice sang. Then she ran out of the room singing, "Esme! Rosalie! You'll never guess!"

"Stinky baby," I finished. "You're going to give it—or me—a complex."

Edward chuckled. "All babies stink, Bella," he explained. "Men don't care, and women don't even seem to notice. But they all stink. To humans, that is. To vampires they smell..."

I put my hands to his lips so fast I practically slapped him. I did not want to hear Edward say that babies smell delicious.

Grinning, he said through my fingers, "that's why we can't have a normal baby in the house. You have no idea how much Esme and Rose, especially, wish we could."

He barely managed to get that out before Esme and Rose were in the room, literally squealing with joy! They peppered me with questions, and Rose begged to see my belly, which of course looked perfectly normal, except Rose swore that it didn't. I was totally shocked at how Rose, usually so cold and distant to me, was suddenly acting like a school girl meeting a pop star. And the men were no better. They were all standing around, trying to act cool about it though.

"I think we should take Bella over to the hospital and run some preliminary tests," said Carlisle. "Edward, would you like to drive?" He was as excited as anyone, but he did a better job of acting cool than most. I thought playing the 'I'm a doctor' card was a pretty sneaky way to push to the front of the line, but nobody called him on it.

While everyone else was dancing around excitedly—or milling around, in the case of the men—I was thinking. There was something about this that was not right. "Uh, how about if Rose takes us?" I asked. And I'm sure I blushed. This didn't take much acting. All I had to do was think about Edward being there, under the circumstances.

Rose quickly agreed, and the three of us went to the county hospital where Carlisle worked. (They had hired him back as soon as he got back in town.) I knew there wouldn't be any problem with Rose at the hospital. She had will power that bordered on a talent. She wasn't usually as motivated as Edward or Carlisle to expose herself to pain and temptation, but when she needed to, she could do it.

Carlisle got us a private room and left to get some equipment. "Rose," I asked nervously, "did you ever meet Jacob? Before three weeks ago, I mean?"

"Sure," she answered. "Last year at the prom."

"Right," I remembered, now that she reminded me. Jake had come to pass on a warning from his father, and we had shared a dance. "Did you notice how he smelled?"

"No," she said. Her eyes narrowed, beginning to realize or at least wonder where I was going.

"Wouldn't you have noticed, if he smelled like a werewolf?" I asked. "Wouldn't Edward? He tapped Edward on the shoulder to cut in."

"Edward would have thrown him through a wall," she mused.

"I don't think the wolf gene normally kicks in until they're almost grown," I said.

She thought about that for a moment. Then her eyes flicked towards the door. She said quickly, "let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe the wolf smell is like a baby's hair, that sometimes comes in and falls out before coming in again."

I was thinking that Rose was probably right, and I was worried over nothing. Carlisle busied himself with tests and then he called a nurse to bring in a sonograph. Rose and I looked at each other. It seemed awfully early for that. "When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" he asked.

I told him.

He kept the conversation light until the middle of the sonogram. "And you're sure you know when?"

"I've only done it one time," I said. "Well, several times. One night." Rose bumped her shoulder against mine and said, "you go, girl!"

Carlisle ignored that and said, "That should put the fetus about twelve days old, twenty two at the most."

"Yeah, but my periods are always very regular," I agreed. "I shouldn't have been fertile until fourteen days ago, at most."

Carlisle nodded, but looked worried. "I believe you Bella, and I agree with your estimates on when conception most likely occurred. But the crown-rump length indicates a fetus at least seventy two days old. Probably seventy six."

"How accurate is that?" I asked, looking at the blurry image on the monitor.

"Normally, very," said Carlisle. "If you were a normal patient, if the fetus had a normal father, I would be telling you that this indicated very abnormal growth—probably cancer or a thyroid condition. And I would be advising termination."

I swallowed and looked over at Rose. She looked back at me and squeezed my hand in support.

"Let me do an amniocentesis," he said. "That should tell us more."

"Let's get a nurse to do that," said Rose, a hard look on her face.

Carlisle looked at her in surprise. For a moment, they locked eyes and glared at each other. Then Carlisle called a nurse in.

"How far do you want to push this, Bella?" Rose asked.

"Isn't there some risk in an amnio?" I asked. She took that as an answer.

Rose talked me into the amniocentesis. She pointed out that it was impossible to go through this risk-free.

Nothing looked normal, of course. But what was normal for a werewolf? There were twenty four chromosome pairs. That would normally indicate some kind of condition like downs syndrome. But Rose pointed out that vampires had twenty five compared to humans' twenty two. The only thing we really learned was that it was a girl. That surprised me. I had already started thinking of 'him' as little J.J.

Alice I'm not. But I'm adaptable. I had a new name picked out before we got home.

Renesmee.

I hoped Jake would like it.

"To paraphrase Henry Ford," said Carlisle, grinning, "I'm sure you can choose any name you want, as long as it's Black."

Over the next few days, Carlisle's worries intensified. Edward was much worse. And he worried me in turn.

I knew how overprotective Edward could be. He literally lived for my wellbeing. But sometimes he interpreted wellbeing to just mean safety. That's why he had left me six months earlier and put me through an experience, in some ways, worse than death. That's why he had almost attacked Jacob, over putting me in danger—even though Jake had saved my life at least three times, and even though the imagined danger was long passed. Or at least we thought it was passed.

What would Edward do if he thought a fetus—not even a person yet, in his mind—was putting me in danger?

Rose became my constant bodyguard. If she wasn't by my side, Emmet was, and usually several others. Even when I was home, she was always nearby, and I knew that at least two more vampires were always hiding just outside my house. Rose met me in my room every night, just like Edward used to. And I was not allowed to see Jake. His sense of smell was as good as Edwards, though he would probably be less likely to notice the smell of werewolf.

Meanwhile, Edward and Carlisle threw themselves into research. Carlisle decided to take a risk. He talked to Billy Black. I have to hand it to Billy, he adapted quickly. He even went to the hospital and gave genetic samples. And he recognized the need for secrecy.

And I continued to grow.

Carlisle sat me and Rose and Esme down for a talk. "Bella," he said. "You and Jacob can try again later. You can have many children together. But this one... This one is going to kill you if you don't let me get it out."

"Why would it be any better next time," I asked. "Why is this one different?"

"Because, this one is surrounded by vampires," he said simply. "Billy Black believes that the presence of vampires is the surest catalyst for the change from human to werewolf. And he has good evidence to support it. If he's right, and I believe he is, then living with us—staying with us so much—has triggered the change far too early."

"Maybe if I went to live in La Push?"

"I doubt that would work," said Carlisle. "When we left last time, there were a couple of boys in their early stages. I asked Mr. Black, and they did complete the transformation after we left."

"If it did work," said Rose, "I think it would kill the baby. Your body is not keeping up with her. Her supernatural strength is the only thing keeping her alive. You need to stay with us if you want to keep her."

Carlisle looked at me for a while, and when I didn't say anything, he started the lecture: "Bella, the fetus is growing much too fast for your body to keep up. And what if it phases? The werewolves are ten times heavier in their wolf forms than they are as humans! You can have other children. Jacob's children. And you can live to be their mother. Jacob would be the first to tell you how important that is. This one... this one could tear you apart."

It was my turn, and I'd given this a lot of thought. "I'm already being torn apart," I said. "Jake and Edward, I love them both so much, but they're tearing me apart. When I'm with Edward, I feel guilty about Jake; and when I'm with Jake, I feel guilty about Edward. I love them both so much, but I can't love either of them unconditionally. But this one...," and I rubbed my stomach, "this one I can love unconditionally, with no guilt at all. She might kill me; I'm used to that. But she'll never hurt me.

And I haven't absolutely made my choice between Jake and Edward. But if I did kill Jake's and my baby, the physical embodiment of our love, that would taint my love for Edward. Twist it. I would have no choice but to go back to Jacob. No choice. And that would taint my love for Jacob too! It can't be like that. Who I go with has to be my choice; it can't be by default.

So I would lose Jake too. And I'd be left with nothing. Do you think I could survive that Carlisle? Do you think I'd want to?"

Carlisle closed his eyes for a moment, but then he looked straight at me and said with tears in his eyes, "if she phases, you will die."

"Then we have to keep her from phasing," I said simply. "We'll sing to her and play Mozart. Werewolves phase by accident if they get upset, so we'll just have to keep her from getting upset." Sometimes, stating a problem aloud really helps you see the solution. And as soon as I heard myself say that, I saw it. We all did. And we all said it together.

Jasper!

The others came into the room right after that. Of course, Edward heard the whole thing and everyone else's internal commentary as well. Edward came up to me, and he hugged me with such gentleness and passion that for a moment I forgot who's baby I was carrying. Forgot that he had ever left, that there had been any tension between us. Forgot that there was anyone else in the room, which was slightly embarrassing later. Heck I even forgot my own name! Of course, I forgot that we were trying to be good and refrain from kissing.

Pure happiness is like a sand painting. It's not meant to last long. A couple of hours later, we got a phone call. Irina wanted satisfaction. She demanded a duel with Jacob.

Duel

"No. No. No. No!" I repeated my simple mantra as if it could change anything. It couldn't. Nothing could.

This was my worst nightmare come true. Literally. The thing that I most feared was now coming to pass; my decision to associate with vampires was endangering my loved ones. Irina, a close friend of the Cullen's no less, had challenged Jacob to a duel—to the death.

_Jacob was going to die because of me._

And the day had started out so well.

I discovered the new love of my life.

Of course, they say that she's going to kill me. But what else is new? "Jake's going to lose his temper and rip you to shreds." "Edward's going to give in to his blood lust and drain you dry." "Renesmee's growing too fast. She'll rip you apart from the inside if she doesn't drain the life out of you first." Big whoop dee do. Look, I don't want to die. But that's only because I've got things worth living for, and Renesmee is one of them now. A big one. Maybe the biggest.

And there's no such thing as a risk-free pregnancy. Women accept the danger because the joy outweighs the risk. And my joy was great indeed. This wasn't something I planned for or even knew that I wanted before I had it, but now that I had it, I wasn't going to give it up. I knew that this was going to bring me and Jake closer together. I knew Charlie would be happy too—once he got past the initial shock. And Rene too, of course. And the unexpected bonus was how excited the Cullens were—and how it even strengthened my love for Edward. I really hadn't expected that!

For about a half a second after I first realized I was pregnant, I worried that Edward would be upset about it. This was, after all, another man's child—and a werewolf's at that. But it wasn't like this child was evidence of infidelity. On the contrary, this was what Edward wanted for me—maybe not immediately, but eventually. It was one of the reasons he had left. I'm sure it made him feel a little better about that horrible decision that something good had come out of it. But mostly it was just that Edward loved me. He would love any child of mine. Even if I was having puppies, he'd love them. And I loved him all the more for that. When he came to accept that I was having this baby in spite of the danger, he hugged me so tenderly that for a moment I was completely lost in my bliss. The next thing I knew, we were kissing more passionately than we ever had before.

"Oops," we said in unison, as we broke away from each other. It went without saying that we couldn't do that anymore. I wasn't going to do to Jake what Rene did to Charlie. I didn't blame Rene for that; she had not been happy. That's a good reason for leaving. Thinking that you might be just a little bit more happy with someone else—isn't. Not for leaving the father of your child. Not in my book and not in Edward's. He was old fashioned that way, and very moral for a vampire.

I still worried a little that Edward would weigh my joy verses my safety a bit differently than I did. He always did. Would he still be so understanding when the danger started looking imminent and extreme? Or when I was in obvious pain? You know the old saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" I decided to stay very close to Rosalie.

I wanted to tell Jake about it right away, but Carlisle convinced me to wait. There was no telling how he might react if he knew that I was carrying his child and still staying with the Cullens! He was already mad at them, and at me, because they had reneged on their offer of cooperation. And, now more than ever, we could not let Victoria see my two families cooperating. If she knew that the pack was my family—that I was carrying a wolf child—she had a very easy way to hurt us, to hurt all of us! I'd never had a nightmare while I was wide awake before, but the thought of the Volturi finding out about Renesmee practically knocked my knees out from under me.

I settled for calling Jake and telling him how much I loved him. Like always, he grumbled about me letting the Cullens, and not the pack, be my protectors.

"But Bells," he pleaded, "if you stayed at Charlie's, Alice could still visit you like she did before. The other Cullens too, we'd give you lots of space."

He said that with obvious distaste.

"You know this is more about Edward's jealousy than it is about the feud," he argued. "He's just trying to keep us apart. And he's doing a pretty good job of it!"

"I know," I said softly. "I mean, I know he's being unreasonable. But this is the way it has to be until Victoria is either gone or gives up. I won't let you risk your life or your brothers' lives to protect me—not when the Cullens can do it without risking anyone. Don't worry. They all know that I love you. And they accept that, even Edward. He's just not ready to... make friends yet."

Mostly it was a good talk. I was being more lovey-dovey than usual, and that made him happy. And he liked the idea that Edward was listening in on that—the jerk.

After I finished talking to Jacob, I asked Edward about that Star Trek episode he told me about, the one with a character based on him. He chuckled and brought up "Requiem for Methuselah" on You Tube. He had a PC connected to the fifty six inch monitor in the den—sweet. The others all seemed interested in seeing it again except Emmet, who grumbled and left the room. Everyone else chuckled.

"What am I missing?" I asked.

"There's a character based on him too," said Edward, smiling.

"Oh?"

"Here's a challenge for you," said Esme. "See if you can guess what name Emmet was using at the time."

I was confused at first. He obviously wasn't Kirk or Spock or the doctor, and there were only two guest stars. If Flint was based on Edward, then it had to be Rayna, his beautiful 'ward', but I didn't see the connection.

Suddenly, I got it.

"Emmet Forks?" I guessed.

The six vampires in the room broke up laughing. From upstairs I heard a feral growl.

The show only had five people in it, including the three regulars—not counting very brief appearances by some of the other regulars. But Flint also had a dorky robot bodyguard called M 4. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"We can't always be The Cullens," Edward explained, suppressing his laughter, "or even all in the same family, or people might grow suspicious. At the time, I was going by Edward Mason. And Emmet was playing the family's bodyguard."

We had just gotten to the part where Rayna's secret was revealed, when I heard Edward's phone ring. At first I didn't recognize the haunting melody: "Da da deeee da da da dee da daaaaaa." Then I remembered it from the Cullen's extensive library of movies and old television shows. It was the theme from "Dark Shadows," a soap opera about vampires (named Collins, no less).

That had to mean two things: First, that Edward lost whatever was his latest bet with Emmet. (Last week, Emmet's ring tone had been "I'm A Barbie Girl.") And second, that something bad had happened. I don't know how I knew that second part, but I did.

Edward frowned when he saw the number, but he answered politely. "Hello Tanya, what can I do for you?"

Tanya was the leader of the Denali coven, and she used to have a thing for Edward, probably still did. Edward swore that it was never requited, but they were very close friends. I knew how that could be, so of course I got jealous whenever I even thought about her. I guess that was pretty brain-dead, all things considered, but I couldn't help it.

Edward's frown deepened as he listened to her, and he left the room to talk in private. We all went back to the show, but my mind wasn't on it. Not by a long shot.

No one gave any sign they were listening to Edward's conversation in the next room, so I concentrated on Rose. She was the easiest nut to crack, after Emmet. Finally, she slumped under my intense stare. "Yeah," she said, "it's bad news."

"Yes," Edward agreed, reentering the room. He looked at me in resignation. "It's very bad."

Jacob was going to die because of me.

He had come close to it at Knife Point. But that was over so quick that the danger had passed before it really registered. And he was in some danger all the time because of me. But that was an abstract thing, and it was a shared danger. I was the target, not Jacob. This was different. This time the target was painted right on Jacob's chest. And it was all my fault.

Esme practically fell over herself trying to apologize. She blamed herself, and I couldn't completely disagree. She had talked to Irina, hoping to defuse the situation between her and the werewolves. Irina was her closest friend, so she thought she could reason with her and smooth things over.

She pointed out to her that Jacob was, after all, only defending his mate. Every culture respects that, including both modern vampire culture and the warrior clan Irina had been born and raised in. But Esme's argument had backfired, badly. For one thing, it gave Irina a target for her anger—Jacob. For another, Irina thought that Esme was playing her. She knew Esme was not above lying if she thought it would save lives. How could I be both a werewolf's mate and Edward's? And even if she acknowledged Jacob's right to kill in defense of his mate, didn't she have the same right?

And just like that, she was decided. She demanded a formal duel of honor. If Jacob would not meet her challenge, it would mean war between his pack and her coven. If the Cullens interfered, she would call in an arbitrator. Such arbitration might involve the Volturi directly. And even if it didn't, it would probably get back to them. In any case, the arbitrator would certainly agree that Irina was within her rights.

Jacob was going to die because of me.

Esme did everything she could to fix things. But it wasn't going to be fixed. And Esme's distress only added to my own. Jasper was working overtime trying to keep both of us calm.

Carlisle called Billy Black on the phone.

"Mr. Black? This is Carlisle Cullen."

"What can I do for you Dr. Cullen?" Billy's voice sounded strained. Billy was the only one of the Queliute who knew about the danger from the Volturi, or about my being pregnant. And he knew this wouldn't be a social call.

Carlisle sighed and let his tone show his regret. "I'm sorry to have to do this, but I have some bad news. About two months ago the pack killed a vampire named Laurent. His mate wants revenge. She has challenged Jacob to a duel."

"Jacob?"

"Yes, and that's our fault," said Carlisle. "We let slip that Bella was Jacob's mate. The pack was defending Bella when it killed Laurent."

"Why? Why would you do that?" asked Billy suspiciously.

"That was me. My fault," said Esme, taking the phone from Carlisle. "I was trying to prevent a war. Irina is... was a good friend of mine. I thought I could talk her out of seeking revenge. I thought that if she knew he was defending his mate, she'd agree the kill was justified. I'm sorry.

"I miscalculated. And Jacob is paying the price for my poor judgment. I want you to know, I will to anything I can to fix this. I will fight by his side if he asks."

Seven heads shot up at that, including mine. "No!" Carlisle shouted. "If you make it a team fight, she'll bring in Kate!"

"Sounds like we should have Jake here for this conversation," said Billy. "Maybe we should meet somewhere." His voice was calm. I could just barely hear the stress.

Esme looked at me, down at my belly, and shook her head. "Could Carlisle and I come to your house? No wait, I forgot we would leave an odor Jacob finds unpleasant. Let me rent a conference room at the Forrest Lodge. Sam will need to be there and I recommend he bring Jacob's closest teammates. His wingmen, I believe you call them."

"Quill and Embry," I offered.

"And who all will you bring?" Billy asked.

"Just me and Carlisle," she answered.

"What?" Emmet shouted. But she waved him to silence.

"It's best we keep it as small a group as possible, to avoid tension," Esme added for our benefit as much as Billy's. "Let me rent the room for tomorrow, say noon? Call me back if that won't work."

Emmet was not the only one who didn't like the idea of Esme and Carlisle facing four werewolves alone. But she was adamant about it, and Carlisle agreed. They were the Cullen's leaders and the least-confrontational members of the family.

"We won't be there to fight or even negotiate," said Esme. "We just need to explain Jacob's options to him."

I didn't sleep well that evening. I was at home in my own bed, which usually helped, but not this time. I probably wouldn't have slept at all if weren't for Jasper keeping me relaxed. My dreams were filled with a black-shrouded army, destroying a much smaller army of wolves. The fight raged on around me, as I stumbled among the corpses. Everywhere I looked was the corps of someone I loved: my friends, my family, my neighbors, my tribe. I was stunned by my grief, but I didn't stop to mourn or touch the faces I saw, not even Charlie's, not even Edward's, not even Jacobs. I was looking for one special face. And I didn't even know what she looked like. "Renesmee!"

I woke with a start.

"Are you alright?" a soft voice asked.

I looked up to see Jasper standing motionless across the room. I could barely make him out in the early morning light. Then my stomach heaved.

"Excuse me," I said and raced to the bathroom in the hall.

I vomited noisily into the toilet. Then I heard a noise that sent a chill running through me, a reaction that should have been more natural to waking up to a vampire in my room.

"Bella, what's the matter?" asked Charlie from behind me. I had been in too big a hurry to shut the door. He preferred to call me Isabella, but when he was being solicitous or concerned, I was Bella.

"Nothing, Charlie. Just something I ate. Can you get me some Pepto?"

"Sure. Here, let me help you back to your bed." He pulled me up gently, then looked at me. "Bella, are you sure you're...?"

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm..." Right at that moment, someone decided to be sociable. I felt a little nudge from inside me. I looked down, and my hand shot reflexively to my belly.

I heard Charlie gasp. Sometimes I hated being such an open book. I guess most people don't gaze endearingly at a simple stomach pain.

"Are you sick, or are you..." he sputtered the word, "pregnant?

He was turning ever deeper shades of red. But I was getting a little ticked off myself. It's not like I'd be saddling him with another mouth to feed. I looked him in the eyes.

"They're not exactly mutually exclusive," I said sullenly.

His angry expression vanished in an instant, to be replaced with concern. "What's the matter, baby?" he asked.

I let the 'baby' slide. I had given a little thought to this. The rate she was growing, I knew it might not be possible to hide things much longer. But I hadn't come to any firm decisions. I still wasn't exactly sure what to tell him.

"It's... complicated," I said.

"Well," Charlie took a deep breath. "You feel like coming down to the kitchen and having a little breakfast?"

Breakfast was awful. For one thing, Charley can't cook. For another, nothing appealed to me. Eggs, a little, that was it. I sat and picked at my food and tried to decide how much to tell. What did I absolutely have to tell? What did I have to keep secret?

"Who's..." Charley started.

"Jake's." I knew he'd be—well, happy's not the right word—a little less pissed. Charlie still hadn't forgiven Edward for leaving me last September.

"What's the complication, Isabella? Why are you sick? I mean, you don't just mean morning sickness?"

"You know how Jake's been growing like a weed the past few months?" I asked. Charley nodded. Jake had grown eight inches in less than three months. "It's kind of a condition. And the baby's got it. She's growing really fast."

It only took a moment for that to sink in. "What can we do?" he asked.

"Carlisle's taking care of me. He's the best one for it. I'm probably going to need to stay at the Cullen's for the next few... for a while."

"What does Jake say about that?"

"He can't know about it yet," I said. I went on before he could interrupt. "If I lose her, it's only going to hurt him; he's better off not knowing. And he'll go crazy if he knows I'm carrying his baby and still staying at the Cullen's. That stupid feud."

Charley didn't say anything for a while, then he asked, "her? You said her."

"Sonogram. Her name is Renesmee – like Rene plus Esme, Carley – like Carlisle and Charley, Black."

Charley grinned, but he wondered what Jake was going to say about it.

"He'd better say, 'thank you, it's perfect,' if he knows what's good for him."

I stressed how important it was to keep this secret, even or maybe especially from Jake and Rene. No point worrying them or getting them excited yet. Charley understood.

I thought that went remarkably well. I wondered how much Jasper and his mood control had to to with that.

Edward and Rose came to get me at eight o'clock sharp, and we went grocery shopping. I had to stock both Charley's and the Cullen's larders. Charley needed things that were easy to fix, and the Cullens needed things for me. I was mostly craving meat. We went back to Charley's to fix me something before the meeting. I cooked some potatoes, salad and steak, blood rare. I could hardly choke down a few bites of the salad and potatoes, but I devoured the steak.

Edward pointed out that we didn't need to go anywhere to listen in on the meeting, since Charley had gone out. He was attuned enough to Carlisle to hear his thoughts from our house. I was impressed. The lodge was six miles away.

"Dr. Cullen, Esme," Billy greeted them formally. "This is Sam Uley. He's leader of he wolf pack and War Chieftain of the Quileute nation. And I think you know my son Jacob, his second in command."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes," Edward answered. "By blood and power, Jacob should be both the alpha male of the pack and Chief of the Quileute, but he doesn't want the job. Partly, he fears he has divided loyalties—in love with the vampire lover."

"Did you hear that, Renesmee?" I said, rubbing my belly. "You're like a princess. But I guess all little girls are."

Rose snorted, and Edward continued.

"So, a leach wants to go one on one with me," said Jacob.

"Jacob," scolded Billy, "you represent the tribe here. Do not shame us."

"Sure, sure. I meant 'a bloodsucker'."

Billy glared at him.

Sam sighed, "what should we do?"

"What's the question?" asked Jacob. "I'll fight her. One less bloodsucker."

"You'd like her if you knew her, Jacob," said Esme. "She's just... bitter, like you."

"Oh, sorry," Edward said in his own voice. "Esme didn't say that out loud."

"Jacob," said Carlisle. "Irina is no newborn, like Riley, or coward, like Victoria. She's over nine hundred years old, and she was a warrior even before she became a vampire, what the Norse called a shield maiden. She's their coven's best fighter, though Kate might be more dangerous because of her pain touch. She's about as good as Jasper."

"Not to put down your boy, doc," in a tone that put the lie to his words, "but you ain't seen me fight."

Carlisle nodded, unconvinced. "You might still consider making it a double's fight. You have the right to fight alongside your second. I know werewolves fight much better in teams. The mind link makes you like the fingers of a fist."

"Yeah. I know," Jacob said sarcastically.

"On the other hand, Kate is very deadly. If you touch her, your body will be wracked with pain. It typically knocks a vampire down for a full second. I don't know what it will do to a werewolf."

"Great. Put Quill in pain and maybe get him killed so I can put Bella in more pain and maybe kill another of her friends."

"Oh, sorry," said Edward. "He didn't say that out loud either. Some thoughts are so clear they sound like they're spoken."

"Excuse me, Edward, Bella," Jasper interrupted. "You guys don't really need me right now. The baby is still too small to phase. She doesn't really even have moods for me to influence yet. Mind if I run some errands?"

"Oh, sure Jasper," I said. "I hate to be imposing on you."

"It's no imposition," he said. Then he was gone before I could hardly blink.

Rose and I both looked over at Edward, figuring that he would probably know what was going on. But his expression was blank. He dutifully relayed the details of Jacob's decisions about the field of battle and the rules for the duel. Pretty formal and elaborate for what boiled down to going at each other tooth and claw. The fight was set for the following Saturday in the Cullens' baseball field—which wasn't really the Cullens'; it was in the national forest on neutral ground. Alice predicted a big storm, which would keep humans away and cover the sounds of the battle. It wouldn't keep this human away. But that didn't matter; I couldn't be any more miserable than I already was.

The meeting broke up cordially. Billy asked to have a private word with Charley, so the others headed out. But when Sam opened the door for Esme, he was surprised to see Jasper waiting outside the room.

"Excuse me," he said. "If you all don't mind, I'd like a word in private with Jacob."

"Wait your turn, kid," said Billy. He didn't really have much to say to Carlisle. He just thanked him for his efforts and said that he hoped the Quileute and the Cullens would have better relations in the future. Boilerplate stuff that he really could have said in front of the others. Might have even been good for Jake to hear it. But then he pulled a small book from underneath the covers on his lap. It was one of those hard-bound blank books people use for keeping diaries. It had a post-it note on it that simply read "B & R". Then he turned and wheeled himself out of the room.

Carlisle followed him out, leaving the room available for Jacob and Jasper. Carlisle gave Jasper a curious look, but Jasper only shrugged.

The others left with a few curious glances of their own.

"So, this Irina is a friend of yours, huh?" asked Jacob.

"Yes, she is."

"Well, if you're going to ask me to make it quick, I was already going to. If you want me to throw the fight... Sorry, I think I've got too much to live for. Ask me again if she chooses Eddie."

Jasper smiled. "Some friendly advice: I suggest you stick with 'bloodsucker' and 'leach'. He doesn't like to be called Eddie."

"What? Will he challenge me to a duel?"

"No. But it will irritate him. And that will irritate her. Speaking as someone who's been with the same woman for sixty years, I can tell you that it's best not to irritate them."

Jacob chuckled. "It's worked for me so far."_ But I bet he's right. Really irritating Edward, _and he drawled the name sarcastically,_ wouldn't win me any points. Better stick to bloodsucker. She's used to that._

"Anyway," said Jasper, "I was here to ask if you'd like to do some sparring. You've never fought a vampire with her skill before. She and I have sparred many times. I know her fighting style."

"You're going to teach me how to kill your friend?" Jacob asked. "Why?"

"We should have been here. Killing Laurent was my job," Jasper said simply.

"Not Edward's?"

"No. He would have been too emotional about it. That kind of emotion is bad for the soul. But mostly, I just... look out for my little brothers. Like you did with Jarred and Embry. We all heard about that, by the way. Good job."

Jacob nodded.

"I feel sorry for her," said Jasper. "She's blind with grief and rage. Saturday, she's either going to die honorably, or she's going to further dishonor herself, her family, and us. Let me help you, Jacob. At least, let me give you an idea what you're up against."

"Now?"

"No time like the present."

"Black's Bluff. It's private and secluded. The Pack uses it for practice all the time. I just need to let Sam know I'm giving a Cullen a pass to be on our land."

"I'm a Hale, actually."

"Well, come on then."

The two left the lodge and cut into the nearby woods, where Jacob phased, and the two of them took off for the reservation. Jacob had gotten very good at moving quickly while staying out of sight, but Jasper moved through the woods like a shadow's ghost. Even Jacob had a hard time spotting or hearing him.

"They're going to fight?" I asked nervously.

"Boys will be boys," said Rose.

"You sound nervous, Bella. Why?" asked Edward.

"You don't think one of them might... lose his temper?"

"Jasper is very focused at times like this," Edward assured me.

"And Jacob's not likely to do any lasting harm," said Rosalie. "First, he'd have to manage to score a bite. And second, he'd have to make a fire. Two things I doubt wolf boy can do."

We listened to the fight, mostly from Jasper's perspective. Jacob was good; I could hear the respect in Jasper's voice as Edward relayed his thoughts.

Jasper was better.

He was way more experienced. And more powerful and more invulnerable. Jake was bigger than a horse and stronger than an elephant, but Jasper was literally more powerful than a locomotive. And Jasper's whole body was a weapon; whenever they collided in any way, Jake came away hurt. The only weapons Jake had that were effective against a vampire were his teeth. But Jake could hardly ever land a bite without taking a hit in the process.

Jake did get better when the other werewolves showed up to watch. With them there, he could see the fight from a half dozen angles at once. And the pack mind was smarter and faster than any of the people in it, like computer processors working in parallel. They could consider several different lines of attack at the same time and anticipate Jasper's attack before he even formulated it. Sam was the most intelligent fighter and the biggest help to Jacob, but Quill had the best instinct for it. Neither of them could touch Jacob though. He had a combination of strength and speed, instinct and intellect that left the rest of the pack in awe.

And Jasper was still better.

They had been fighting for about four hours, taking only occasional breaks—mostly for Jasper to tell Jake what he'd just done wrong—when Jake saw an opening and took Jasper's right arm just below the elbow. Rosalie and I both gasped, but my gasp turned into a cry of pain as I heard Edward describe Jasper's left-handed counter punch, which threw Jake across the field and cracked two of his ribs.

Two of the wolves, Paul and Leah, Leah? started to charge Jasper. Sam had to call them down using his alpha voice. Edward's rendition of that sent chills down my spine and made my knees go wobbly, and Edward said he still didn't do it justice.

"Sorry, Jacob," said Jasper. "I meant to check my blow better than that. Are you alright?"

Jacob nodded, wincing.

One of the wolves came into the clearing and phased into Seth Clearwater. Seth? Wow, Seth and Leah. When did that happen? "He'll need to stay wolf a few hours to heal from that. We heal faster in wolf form."

"Very well," said Jasper, calmly walking over and picking up his arm from off the ground. He pressed it to his stump, where the two pieces stuck, but his arm still hung uselessly at his side. It would take him an hour or so for that to completely heal. He turned back to Jake and said, "remember, the fight isn't over just because you take a limb. Even decapitated, our bodies can fight on, though very uncoordinated. If you manage... when you land a crippling blow, back away. Give her—or her second, in the case of decapitation—a chance to offer surrender in exchange for quick death. If they don't, then carefully press your advantage, but don't get overconfident.

Let me know when you are ready to practice more." Then he turned and raced off toward my house.

Alice came in then. She had been outside listening to Edward's narration at the same time she tried to look for Victoria and Riley. Surprisingly, she had found them. They were in Denali, visiting Tanya's coven. None of us was happy about that news, but at least it meant she didn't know about Jasper helping Jake.

Alice looked at me with a concerned expression. "I wanted to comfort you, when I heard Jacob get hurt," she said. She was outside to be away from me. She had started getting headaches whenever we were too close, especially if she was trying to use her sight.

"I wanted to comfort you, when I heard Jasper get hurt," I said.

"Oh, I knew Jake wouldn't do any permanent damage." She faked nonchalance, but I knew how much it pained her for Jasper to be out of her sight, for her to know he was in at least a little danger and be unable to see his future. Plus I was pretty sure I'd heard a third high squealing gasp when Jasper lost his arm.

Jasper rejoined us a little later, and we headed back to the Cullens'.

The book Billy gave to me and Renesmee was mostly a transcript Leah had made at the bonfire they had last week. Everyone who knew about the werewolves had been there—except the Vampires, of course, and me. Billy had told the legends of how the wolves had come to be, tales that were handed down from generation to generation for hundreds of years. Leah had dutifully written everything down.

One story in particular caught my attention. It was called the Tale Of The Third Wife. A vampire had gotten the upper hand and was about to kill the last standing werewolf, the tribe's last protector. His wife—his third wife, werewolves lived a long time—managed to distract the vampire by plunging a knife into her own heart. The smell of blood and pain, the death cries of a wounded human, drove the vampire nearly into a frenzy and distracted her just enough for the werewolf to rally. I knew I couldn't do something so blatant at the duel. But it got me thinking.

I called Jake at our regular time.

"So, did Scarface tell you about the heaping helping of humble pie he served me today?" asked Jake.

"I... Uh... Hey, wait. Scarface?" I asked, confused. Jasper had one of the most perfectly beautiful faces I'd ever seen.

"Jasper," said Jake, with a voice that said "duh." "The guy with like a hundred scars on his face?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, sorry. Sometimes I forget humans don't see very good," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh." Having everyone around me do absolutely everything better than me did get old sometimes. And here was Jake, whining that probably one of the best fighters in history was a little better than him. "So did Mr. Does-everything-better-than-a-human just discover that there's always someone better?"

"Sure, sure. I guess I deserved that," he said, sounding more like his regular self. "But Bella, this was humiliating! And it was fighting! The thing I'm supposed to be the best at! I mean, how would you like if if someone showed up who could... I dunno, make me and Edward both smile better than you can? Like that'll ever happen."

"Like I said, there's always someone better," I said, looking down at my belly. Someone gave be an obliging nudge.

It might sound surreal that we could joke about it, considering. But talkingaout his fighting skills was one thing. Talking about the upcoming fight was another. Neither of us wanted to dwell on that.

That week was brutal for both of us. Day after day, Jake got his head handed to him by Jasper. And all the while I got fatter and weaker, and worried sick, and pregnant sick, and sick and miserable. I did not go back to school on Monday. I was sick. Edward was angry with himself for ever letting me listen to that first fight. But I was like a drug addict, and he knew that it wouldn't help anything to cut me off now. I listened to the sessions. And I knew that the odds were not good.

Jacob was going to die because of me. Our daughter would never know her father. And the world would be a darker place. Because of me.

Carlisle wrote a note to the school. I had a bad flu; I'd be out for a week or so. Edward and Alice brought my assignments home with them, and then they did them for me. I would not be going back to school this year. Maybe I'd go to college next year. I couldn't think that far ahead. I couldn't think past Saturday. I saw the future leading up to the fight on Saturday, and then it went dark. That must be how it was for Alice, when her future crossed paths with a werewolf.

Speaking of Alice, I didn't see much of her until Wednesday evening.

"Bella," she said, poking her head into my room where I was brooding, "Garrett will be here tomorrow evening at six thirty seven."

Garrett was the vampire who they planned to ask to referee the fight. He'd agree; we didn't need Alice to see that. Garrett was an adventurer who lived to see and do such things. He also placed a high value on sportsmanship and fair play, but he wasn't a 'vegetarian'. I wondered if any of the vampires, even the vegetarians, saw the irony there.

"I'm sure he won't hurt you or tell anyone about you," she continued. "You'll probably like him. He's very good natured."

I shook my head. I used to be up with the whole circle-of-life thing, but not right now. Right now, I was thinking about the brilliant light that was about to be snuffed out. My own sunshine. And I wondered how many other suns this Garrett had extinguished, for no better reason than thirst. "Just thirst," I remembered Laurent saying.

"Bella, Carlisle and Edward were talking about how our presence seems to be affecting the werewolves, and we had a thought. It's... well I don't want to get your hopes up, but I think we need to talk about it."

I looked up at that. "You have to have some hope before you can get your hopes up," I said.

Then I noticed how Alice looked. "Oh, Alice. What are you doing? You're in pain! Go away. Let Edward tell me about it."

She snorted. "You do realize that Edward's in more pain than I am when he's near you, don't you? It's an occupational hazard."

The fact that my scent caused my family pain was another inconvenient fact I usually tried not to think about. "You're the best almost-sister ever," I said. "What might get my hopes up?"

She gave me a contemplative look before she answered. "Well, you know that we believe that being surrounded by vampires is what's causing the wolf gene to kick in so early with the baby. We've noticed some other effects that also might be due to having so many vampires in the area. For one thing, there are a lot more wolves now than there have ever been before. Plus they're a lot bigger than their grandfathers were. And they're imprinting more often. That's another effect of their... magic, I guess you'd call it. It used to be so rare it was almost a legend. Now, three of the eight are already imprinted. At the rate they're going, they'll all be matched up in a year or so.

"Great," I said morosely, "if Jake doesn't get killed this saturday, he'll probably imprint on someone. With my luck, he'll imprint on Tanya.

"Hey, if he imprints on Irina do you think she'll call off the fight?"

"Uh, no," she said, blinking at the thought. Well, she did have a headache. "I mean, I'm sure she would, but I don't think that will happen. Jacob's already found his mate; you're already carrying his child. And I don't think... And anyway that's not the point! I'm thinking more about the bigger and stronger part."

I just looked at her, confused.

Alice rolled her eyes at my obtuseness. "Saturday, Jacob will be surrounded by seventeen vampires, all focused on him. Seventeen! That's the largest group of vampires I've ever heard of, outside Voltura or a war."

Like my truck, I'm sometimes slow to get there, but I usually do get there, eventually. "Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed, "You think so many vampires might... supercharge him or something?"

"Maybe," she said. "Like I said, I don't want to get your hopes up. And it has a flip side. I don't think you should be there." She looked pointedly at my belly.

Oh. "I have to be there."

"Bella..."

"Don't fight me on this, Alice. I HAve To BE THERE!"

Edward was in my room with me when Garrett arrived the next evening. Rose was out hunting with Emmet. We both agreed that there was no way Edward would do anything crazy this week. Anyway, I wasn't as worried about that as I had been. I think naming her early had been a good move on my part. We were all in love with Renesmee. Even if she was going to kill me.

"Garrett is coming down the drive," said Edward, looking up from the chess board. I managed to hold my own against him these days—if he spotted me a knight. "Do you want to play fly on the wall?"

I nodded and tried to study the board.

"Garrett, my old friend," Carlisle greeted him warmly, grasping his hand.

"Carlisle! We shouldn't go so long." His voice sounded friendly. "I trust you're well. And your family?"

The ad Carlisle had put in The Boston Globe had read: "Collins family reunion. A forks and knives affair, and steak blood-rare. Garrett please come." Any of their friends would recognize Collins, the vampire in 'Dark Shadows', as code for the Cullens. Forks let him know where, and knives said it was important. Blood-rare said death was on the line. Vampires past the century mark tended to get set in their ways. Very few had cell phones.

"My family is well. Thank you," Carlisle assured him. "But we do have a bit of an awkward situation."

"Having to do with the pregnant girl you have in the house?" teased Garrett.

Carlisle laughed. "Yes. Everything interesting around here has to do with Bella. I'm surprised you could smell the pregnancy; I've gotten so used to her I hardly even notice anymore." In a more serious tone he added, "Garrett, I trust I can rely on you're discretion."

Garrett laughed again. "Of course, Carlisle. Do you think I'd go running to the Volturi? Besides, plenty of covens have a trusted friend or servant or two."

"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that," said Carlisle. "But what I called you for is straightforward enough—mostly. One of our friends has challenged another to a duel. They need an impartial referee."

"Oh," said Garrett, disappointment evident. "I thought it would be something interesting. And what has this got to do with the girl? Are they fighting over her?"

"Not exactly. The challenged party is the father. But the challenger, an ancient named Irina, just wants revenge. He killed her mate."

"The... father?" Garrett mused. "And now he's become immortal." Then his voice became agitated. "Carlisle! What are you thinking? I promised discretion, but some things..."

"Peace, Garrett." Carlisle said. "Jacob is an immortal of sorts, but he is not a vampire. Oh, I'm afraid we'll have to talk more later. That's Bella's father, Charley Swan, and he is not in the know. Let Jasper show you to the guest house. Esme and I have some important business to discuss with him."

"What's that about?" I asked Edward.

"You'll need to go down to the den to find out."

Charley was already in the den when I got there, having a beer with Carlisle and Esme-they sipped. Something was odd though. There was no game on. Charley had been over every night since he found out I was expecting. He always watched a game.

"Hey, Dad," I said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, Bells."

"Bella, Carlisle and I have something we want to discuss with you and Charley," said Esme.

"Oh?"

"Yes," said Carlisle, "Alice tells us that last night you called her your almost sister."

Alice poked her head in the doorway and stuck her tongue out at me. Then she was gone again before Charley could see her. I didn't know what was going on. It was like she had tattled on me, but I didn't know what for. "Uh, yeah. That's the way I think about her."

"Well, it hurt her feelings," said Esme. "Alice doesn't think of you as an almost sister. She thinks of you as a sister, the same as Rose."

"Oh!" I said, surprised. "I feel the same way. It's just.. well, you know."

"Exactly," said Esme. "It's a bit awkward having an almost-daughter. It doesn't seem right. You're as much a part of our family as Alice, who's adopted, or Rose, who's technically a ward. We just want that understood."

"You trying to adopt my daughter, Esme?" his voice made it only halfway joking.

"We're not trying to take her away from you, Charley," Esme said, "any more than you're taking Alice away from us. She considers you her second father, you know."

Charley blushed and was a bit mollified.

"Bella is blessed with many families," said Carlisle. "Yours. Rene and Phil's. Soon I expect she'll be part of Billy Black's. And of course she and Jacob are starting their own. We just hope she has room for one more."

"Of course, Carlisle," I said sincerely. I saw Dad scowling and obviously embarrassed. He was even worse than I was at this kind of sentimental stuff. And I wasn't really sure what they were getting at myself. That they loved me? I knew that. "Charley knows that I think of you as my second family. Don't you Dad?" He grumbled his ascent.

"That's wonderful!" said Esme. "But, uh... My, but this is awkward. The thing is that we want it a little more official. We have some papers that sort of officially make you part of our family. Most importantly, if anything were to happen, they say that we are Renesmee's grandparents, as much as Charley or Rene or Billy is."

She looked at me nervously, biting her lower lip. Now I understood. Jacob was probably going to die in two days, and there was a good chance I'd die in childbirth. This was a very high-risk pregnancy, and we all knew it. They wanted official standing when the grandparents started fighting over the baby.

"Can I talk to you two alone for a minute?" I said, getting up to take them into the kitchen.

"No, you guys stay here," said Charley gruffly. "Sounds like Jasper's watching the Mariners in the library." He went to join Jasper and closed the door behind him.

"You can't take her from him," I pleaded. "If I'm gone, he's going to need her!"

Esme sat down beside me on the couch. "Of course we're not going to take her from him, Bella. But we might ask for primary custody. Of course, plan A is for you and Jacob to raise her. This is just insurance."

"Charley would have a hard time raising a daughter on his own, even if she's perfectly normal," said Carlisle.

"Billy might be the best choice," Esme conceded. "He has the whole tribe behind him. And I wouldn't be surprised if he asked Sam and Emily to raise her as their own. Carlisle and I think that might be best. They're good people, and Jacob's as much a part of their family as you are a part of ours. But if we have no legal standing..."

They'd be cut out completely. The next time they saw her, she'd be a grown werewolf, who thought of them as the monsters who killed her mother. Yeah, they needed this. And I needed to make a will. I'd talk to Carlisle about that later.

"You're going to make sure that no one gets left out," I said fervently, "especially not Charley. He's... he's the best dad. And I... wasn't there like I should have been." I was suddenly feeling very guilty for the summers I had refused to come to Forks. Two weeks at the beach was all I had given him, when he should have gotten the whole summer and a week at Christmas.

"One way or another, he will be a part of her life," said Esme. "But we need to be prepared for anything. Jacob has gone from barely sixteen years old to physiologically twenty six, in just over three months. If Renesmee follows that pattern... Well, if a few months from now we adopt another teenager, what we are doing tonight will explain why we insist on making Charley her godfather. He might not know that she's his granddaughter. But he'll feel it. We'll make sure of that."

I nodded. Cover stories. The Cullens were experts at them. They had to be.

We asked Dad to come back in, at the next commercial.

"This one," said Esme pushing a novella full of papers at me and showing me where to sign, "makes Carlisle and me her grandparents, with all rights and privilages thereof. This one makes Carlisle the executor of your estate. And this one makes him the executor of your living will. These," she pushed the final set of papers at me. These were professionally bound and had the logo of PriceWaterhouse Coopers on them, "just add you to the children's trust fund."

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"You're part of the family now," said Carlisle casually. "It wouldn't make any sense to include the others and leave you out."

I started to object.

"Now, don't be difficult, Bella," Esme Chided. "You don't want to hurt Alice's feelings again."

"Alice?"

"You know that a lot of this money comes from her—her family's estate," explained Carlisle. That wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't precisely the truth either. Alice's gift for picking stocks had multiplied Carlisle's existing fortune—by a lot. "So, how could we include the others and leave out her favorite sibling? She'd have me removed as executor!"

"Bella," said Esme, "the only people who will miss this money in the slightest are the suits at PWC. It doesn't reduce any of our payments; it just means they have a little less principal to play with."

Principal Alice could replenish any time she wanted. As I thought about it, it really didn't make any sense to turn it down. I looked at the amount that was being deposited into my bank account and said, "whoa!" It was a lot of money. But actually, considering the way the Cullens burned the stuff, I was a little surprised it wasn't more. I wasn't disappointed, of course, just surprised.

"The normal disbursement is on November first, in time for Christmas shopping," Carlisle explained.

"You mean this is every year!?" I yelled.

"No, this is pro-rated for the first ten months," said Carlisle. "And there's a form to get an advance for extraordinary expenses, if you need it: buying a house, having a baby, getting married, that sort of thing."

My mouth gaped like a carp. Charley looked around the room, pointedly not looking at the paper. He didn't even want to know. I looked again. He really didn't want to know.

The week seemed to drag on forever, but Saturday came much to quick. Like I knew it would. The storm Alice predicted hit about 12:00. It would cover the sounds of battle, and my raincoat would cover my bulging belly. The rain would also help cover my scent.

We got there early. The Denali coven was already there, plus Victoria and Riley who were taking advantage of the safe passage. I couldn't help glaring at them, but the rest of the Cullens seemed to ignore them. Rosalie, Edward and Emmet formed a protective triangle around me, while Carlisle and Esme tried again to talk Irina out of this. She would hardly even look in our direction. Alice and Jasper stood a short way apart from the rest of us, but I could still feel Jasper's influence.

"She won't budge," Edward said to me. "Eleventh century concept of honor meets a vampire's fierce devotion to her mate." He shook his head.

Peter and Charlotte showed up a short time later. The Cullens greeted them pleasantly and introduced them to Garrett. I was sitting in a patio chair that had a matching umbrella that Emmet had carried for me. There was also a lightning rod planted a few feet away—at Edward's insistence. I stayed in my seat. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I also wasn't in the mood to be friendly. Also, if I had gotten up right then, I might have given something away. Renesmee was kicking up a storm.

Alice was staring into space, when I saw her slump a little and shake her head. "There coming," Edward said. "Jasper."

"I'm ready," he answered.

I wasn't sure what they meant.

The wolves came marching into the clearing, reminding me of the opening procession at the Olympics. I stood up for a better look and to show my support. Sam and Jarred were in front, followed by Embry and Paul, then Jacob and Quill. Seth and Leah brought up the rear. I noticed Jacob had cut his hair very short. Jasper had recommended that; give her less to grab.

Jacob and Quill were the only ones in human form. Quill was Jacob's second. He carried a large gym bag and a huge umbrella like the one I was under. It looked awkward, but I knew Quill was several times stronger than a human. They stopped in front of Victoria and Riley. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Edward relayed.

"Hey, Vicky!" Jacob greeted her warmly, like they were old friends. "You want to join us? How 'bout you, Riley? Leah was just saying how hard it is to find a fourth for mixed doubles. Not scared of a girl, are you?"

Riley liked the idea, but Victoria held him back. "We're here to see the dog put down," she said to him, "not to play with it."

"Seriously, guys," Jacob added in a more sincere tone, "your friend knows the honorable way to settle these things. Tell you what, me and Quill here against all three of you. Now that's fair. More than fair. We're not as strong as you are, or as invulnerable. We're probably not even as smart. The only thing we've got that you don't is... courage."

Riley bristled at that, but Victoria held him firm. Jacob upped the ante. He pulled a metal box out of the gym bag. "Act now, and I'll throw in this handy back scratcher and chew toy." He pulled something white out of the box. I couldn't see it clearly, but I knew what it was. It wiggled and struggled in his grasp. He demonstrated its use as a back scratcher, being careful not to let it grab his robe. "It's great for picking dingleberries too," he added. Riley quivered in fury, but Victoria held him tight and sat like a statue.

Jacob shook his head and walked away. "How embarrassing to be you," he said without turning to look back.

Emmet snorted. "Oh, come on!" he said. "Give the kid his due."

We all let out a quick laugh then. Even most of the Denali coven snorted.

"Even Irina can barely suppress a grin," said Edward. "She's pleased to think that she'll have a worthy opponent."

Yeah, I was proud of him. But I couldn't help sympathize with Victoria a little. I'd rather have a live lover than a dead hero.

Jacob and Quill walked into the center of the field. He wore a milk chocolate satin robe that would match his fur color. I realized that it would also match my eyes. He loosened the sash, took a deep breath, and phased. The robe flew off him and fluttered to the ground. I supposed it had been held together with velcro.

Jake didn't look all that much like the friendly wolf god I had seen at the grotto. He wasn't so fluffy, for one thing. But it was more than that. He was bigger! Bonier. Fiercer. His eyes were like amber flames. His teeth were like daggers. Being surrounded by vampires had effected him! He was frightening! I guess the others weren't effected so much because they were already phased—and they weren't the focus of all the vampires.

I was thrilled.

"Are you alright?" asked Edward, misinterpreting my expression.

I glanced over at him. Did he hope that I would be frightened by Jacob? "Don't worry," I said, "you're still the scariest."

I kissed the air in his direction. I heard Jacob's low, rumbling chuckle, echoed by Edward's own brothers and sisters. I thought it was a shame he couldn't blush.

I looked at Jacob. "Don't get cocky," I said, knowing that he could hear my soft voice, even over the rain and thirty yards away. "You might have taken your super energy pill, but you're still the underdog."

Jacob chuckled again, and some of the wolves howled: "A oow a oow a oo oo oo a oow." I know one of them was Seth. They harmonized well. I guess a mind link will do that for you.

Quill began preparing Jacob for battle. First, greased Jacob down. "Warm pig grease," Edward explained. "It will make it harder for her to grab him.

Brace yourselves."

That was for my sibling's benefit. Quill opened a package of blood, and poured that on Jacob. War paint, they called it, but everyone knew what it was for. Jasper had given it to Jacob, assuring him it was lawfully obtained. Carlisle had bought it from the local blood bank. Alice had picked it. It was not as appealing to Irina as mine was to Edward, but it was much more than just typical human blood to her.

Irina walked out on the field to face Jacob from a few dozen yards away. If she was affected by the blood, she didn't show it. She was the picture of serenity. And she was gorgeous. Maybe Rosalie was prettier. Maybe. Her hair glistened like silver. Her skin was like mother of pearl. She was tall and lithe, and she walked more gracefully than anyone I had ever seen—that was even counting the Cullens. She wore a gold jumper that matched her eyes. That was a good sign. Feeding on human blood would have made her stronger, but also would have turned her eyes red. She had not broken the diet she had kept for over a hundred years. I couldn't help feel a little bit proud of her for that, even at the same time that I was glad she had given Jacob one more edge.

They looked so mismatched, the beautiful goddess and the filthy giant hell hound.

Garrett checked that they were both ready. They both nodded their ascent. And, with a signal from him, they began to circle each other, looking for an opening. Then Jacob was on her in a rush that was too fast for me to follow, and they were apart again just as quickly. A soft yelp had escaped from Jacob. He had gotten the worst of the exchange.

Again and again they clashed. And it seemed to take Jacob just a little longer to recover each time. It was just like the practices with Jasper.

"She's even better than I knew," said Jasper. "I guess a thousand years of experience counts for something. And Jacob's still getting used to his new size."

He was going to die if I didn't do something. He'd probably die anyway. The only idea I had was pretty lame. But there was only one thing I could do. Okay, two things. First, I prayed. Then I whispered one word to Edward, "Seth."

"Yes," Edward whispered back. Seth was ready.

I walked counter to the direction Jacob and Irina were circling. I wanted just the right position. Vampires didn't have many weaknesses. Just one that I knew of. They were distractable. I opened my raincoat as I walked.

"Jacob!" I yelled. "Fight! You have something worth fighting for! This is your baby! Our daughter!"

I lifted my shirt and showed him my belly.

"Her name is Renesemee Carley Black!"

"Renesmee!" I repeated. And I stressed the second sylable.

Jacob turned his head to look at me in wonder. Again I prayed.

Jacob had to turn his head almost ninety degrees to see me clearly. I thought Irina might lunge for him then, but she didn't. Instead her head turned just the barest bit to look at me too. And she was lost.

Irina had forgotten one thing about the werewolves, or maybe she didn't know it. Jake didn't just have two eyes. He had sixteen. And while two of them were focused on me, fourteen were squarely on Irina, waiting for her to make a mistake like that one. Too late, she brought her arms up to fend off his attack. His gigantic maw took them both at once, her right arm just above and her left just below the elbow.

As quickly as he was in, he was away from her again. Jasper never had to teach Jacob the same lesson twice. He walked over to where his robe lay on the ground and gently dropped the lifeless limbs onto it. There was no fight in them, or in Irina. She stood, still beautiful and serene, like the Venus de Milo.

Garrett walked out on the field and looked at Irina. She nodded to him once. "She yields!" he said.

It was over. Irina was honorable; she wouldn't try anything now. It was over. Tears streamed down my face, and I smiled at my beloved sunshine.

Garrett walked up to Jacob. "Let your comrades get the fire high and hot," he said. "If you smash her head first, she will not feel the flames."

"No!" I cried and rushed out on the field. Renesmee kicked hard and I almost fell, but I got within a dozen yards of them before Edward stopped me.

"No, Bella," he said firmly. "They're still on edge."

"No," I gasped. "Don't do it. Jacob, don't do it. Show her mercy."

Jacob glared at me with baleful eyes.

"It was a dirty trick, Jacob," I said. "I'd do it again a hundred times over, but it was a dirty trick.

Please. Please don't make Renesmee help kill Esme's friend."

Then that little girl kicked me so hard it felt like it almost split my side. I half doubled over in pain, but I never took my eyes off Jacob. And even though I was in pain, I felt a certain peacefulness. I smiled wanly as I sank to my knees.

Jacob phased. One second, a giant wolf loomed over me. The next, a man stood there, surrounded by the blood and filth that for a half-second longer still held the wolf's form. Then it imploded into a cloud of mist, as Jacob rushed up to me. He knelt, and we cradled our heads on each other's shoulders. "Bella. Bella," he chanted. And I couldn't feel the pain, though I knew it was still there. I wasn't aware of anything but him.

After a short time, we looked up. Kate and Tanya stood just a few feet away, a little apart from Edward, Garrett and Jasper. As soon as he looked at them, Tanya spoke: "our immortal lives and honor, if you will spare our sister!" Then they fell to one knee in unison. I almost laughed. It was just so... corny. But these women had come of age in a very different time than today. I held my tongue and smiled.

"No!" Irina shouted. "I've lost enough honor for one immortal lifetime. I will not beg for my life."

"Then will you honor your sister's sacrifice? Their vows?" asked Tanya.

Irina locked eyes with her for a moment. Then she bowed her head.

"Jacob?" asked Garrett. "How do you decide?"

Jacob looked up at him and said, "I'm satisfied."

He buried his head against my shoulder again and repeated, "I'm satisfied."


	7. Stinky

**7. Stinky**

You've heard the saying, _when it rains it pours_? Well, it's almost always raining in Forks.

Or, put another way, my luck was holding true to form. Esme got the bright idea to call Tanya and see if she or anyone in her coven knew anything about Victoria that might help us find her, or fight her, or even reason with her. Hey, it could happen. But things didn't turn out so well.

Laurent had lived with Tanya's coven for a while, so we thought he might have told someone something. What we didn't count on was that Irina, Tanya's sister, had started a budding romance with Laurent and was very upset to hear that he had been killed.

Very upset are two words you never want to hear in reference to a vampire.

Carlisle called them back and spoke to Kate, Tanya's sister, while Edward and I were outside, catching up on each other's lives. We had taken a short walk in the woods behind the house. I was lying on a blanket on a soft patch of weeds, and Edward was lying just a few feet away from me. We were holding hands and just basking in each other's company, when I felt him react to something. "What is it?" I asked.

"Carlisle talking to Kate," he said, obviously distracted by what he was hearing. Edward could 'hear' Carlisle's and Kate's conversation, by listening to Carlisle's mind, even though he was almost half a mile away. Edward was being very solicitous, since losing it the night before, and quickly agreed to relay everything that he heard.

_"I am sorry about Irina's loss, Kate,"_ said Carlisle. And if I wasn't looking at Edward, watching his lips move, I would have sworn Carlisle was right there next to me. Edward's skill at mimicry was astounding. So what else is new, right?

_"But he was about to kill Bella!"_ Edward's hand became stiff in mine, but I looked over at him and saw no other signs of reaction. _"If he had succeeded, he would still be dead today—at Edward's hand. And I shudder to say it, but Edward too would be lost."_

_"She means that much to him?"_ asked Kate. And I was even more impressed with Edward's impersonation. I had never met Kate, but the woman's voice coming from his mouth sounded natural (well, natural for a vampire), beautiful and completely different from anyone I knew. I would have bet my truck that if the real Kate had been there, I could not have told the difference.

_"As much as any of us means to our partners,"_ Carlisle said solemnly.

_"And she's still human?"_ Kate asked, surprised. _"What's he going to do when..."_ Her voice trailed off, or Edward stopped relaying her words for a moment. But then he started up again. _"But I have to support Irina here, and so will the rest of our coven. And she wants vengeance!"_

_"Please, Kate,"_ Carlisle pleaded, _"We have a treaty with the Quileute. We can't even be neutral here. We would have no choice but to aid them."_

Kate gasped. _"You would turn against your own kind, your own family, to defend a pack of wolves!?"_

_"They defended Bella! We owe them her life—and Edward's!"_

There was a long pause, then Kate came back. _"I can see your perspective Carlisle. But Irina is inconsolable. Let's hope that time will heal this wound." _

Edward let out a small sigh and turned his full attention back to me, and I knew that Kate had hung up. "I don't know if it will," he said. "Vampires are very stubborn, quick to anger and slow to forgive. Some never forgive anything, but just hold their grudges for centuries. I'm just glad that Irina hasn't joined Victoria in her vendetta."

I corralled Alice in the hallway and herded her into my room the first chance I got. She looked bemused that a human, who knew what she was, could be so brazen; but I ignored that.

"Alice, what have you done to me?" I asked as soon as I got her in my room.

"What have _I_ done?"

"I am still hopelessly, head over heals, in love with Edward!"

She didn't exactly pump her fist. But she looked like she wanted to – until my glare sobered her up. She looked at me questioningly, as if she innocently wondered what I was going on about.

"I'm also totally in love with Jacob!"

"Yes, I know. And you two are so cute together, if I haven't ever mentioned it."

"Alice! I can't be in love with both of them!"

"Why do people say things like that? Obviously you can, since you are. There's nothing you can do that can't be done."

"You know what I mean, Alice. It's an impossible situation! And why are you acting so smug? How's it a good thing that I'm still in love with Edward, when it makes things such a mess?"

"Love is its own reward – and a beautiful thing, in all its forms. And I'm happy for my brother's sake. If you didn't still love him, he would be sad."

"Well, I hate to disappoint you, but we're not getting back together. I'm with Jacob now. This whole play we're putting on for Victoria doesn't change that. If you wanted us back together, you shouldn't have left. And you sure shouldn't have told him to stay away three weeks ago."

"Oh. That."

"Yes. That. Why would you do that to me – to him, to us?"

She looked at me for such a long time before she answered that I started to wonder if she was planning to answer at all. But at last she said, "You were recovering three weeks ago. But you weren't recovered. And if Edward had come back right then, I don't know what it would have done to you."

"That's right. You don't know. You don't know everything, Alice. So why can't you let me make some decisions for myself?"

"But Bella, you _are_ making decisions for yourself. And, by the way, it is not the decision I'd make for you, if it was up to me. I've grown fond of Jacob, but I love my brother. I wish you'd choose him. But, now that you're strong enough, it is your decision to make. It's not being made for you by desperation or heartbreak or despair, and certainly not by me. We hurt you badly, Bella. And I am so sorry for that. And I hope you do forgive us. But three weeks ago, you were too weak _not_ to forgive us. You wouldn't even get angry! And really Bella, you should be angry. You deserve to be angry."

I glared at the smug little know it all, completely at a loss for words. I had to give her that one; I _was_ angry – now. Finally I said, "Well, I'm not apologizing for forgiving you too quickly."

"And I'm so proud of you for that," she said with a hug. Then she was out of my room before I could come up with a retort.

That was Alice. I loved her, but she could be really infuriating. But I couldn't stay furious with her for long, especially with all that she was going through. She continued to have frightening visions – more like waking nightmares that had her looking about the way I had a few months earlier. We even considered telling Jacob the real deal just to make them stop. But when Esme suggested that – which meant it was becoming a serious plan, not just an idle thought – her visions only got worse. And we became even more convinced that Carlisle's theory was right about the chain of events that would lead to those nightmares coming true. The last time I thought about telling Jake the truth, Alice had her clearest vision yet of the Volturi attacking.

It made sense, when I thought about it. If we told Jake that the Cullens were only pretending to be the Quileute's enemies in order to protect them, then his attitude towards the Cullens would change. Worse, the rest of the Pack's would too. With their mind link, Jake's change would affect the rest of them, even if he could keep the reason for the change secret. Eventually, Victoria would be bound to notice. She would stop seeing Jacob as Edward's rival and enemy, and would start viewing him and the Pack as the Cullens' allies. And she would rethink her plans accordingly – bring in powerful allies of her own.

The next few weeks were strange and difficult ones for me. As happy as I was that Edward was back, it did complicate my life even more than it already was. I wondered if I should simplify things a bit and cut off all contact with Jacob for a while. That seemed the safest course to me, and maybe the kindest to Jacob – a clean break. I felt a sharp pain in my gut at the thought of that. The cruel irony wasn't lost on me. So I was selfishly relieved when Carlisle told me that I couldn't do that either. We needed to keep a rivalry going between Edward and Jacob. As long as that was believable – and everyone was certain that it was – it lowered the chances that Victoria would bring in the Volturi. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw a brief look of disappointment on Edward's face when Carlisle said that. Not that I could blame him; this was hard for him too.

And keeping contact with Jacob was easier said than done. It was almost a week after I moved in with the Cullens before he would even speak to me on the phone. Neither he nor Billy would answer when I called from the Cullen's, but as soon as I got back to Charlie's I was able to get him. And when I finally did get him to talk, Jacob was completely unreasonable. Even pointing out how nearly invulnerable the Cullens were, how logical it was to let them be my primary protectors from Victoria, didn't help a bit. 'I love you,' and 'I miss you' went over a little better, but not much – especially since I had to temper it with, 'But I also love Edward.' Our first phone call ended abruptly when I pointed out that I had always been up front about my feelings for Edward. I thought I might have lost him for good there, but he called back an hour later.

Gradually, we talked on the phone more and more. It was strained and frustrating, but better than silence. Jake also managed to come to the high school on the slightest pretext. That was a kind of neutral ground, and Alice would distract Edward while Jake and I caught up—provided we didn't go overboard. Alice wouldn't even allow a quick peck on the lips. Like I said, frustrating.

Charlie wasn't any happier about Edward's return than Jacob was. He was still mad at Edward for what he did to me, and he was disappointed in me for what I was doing to Jacob. It was extra frustrating to not be able to tell him anything about what was really going on. But he was the last person we could tell. I just had to resign myself to hurting and disappointing him for a while – and try not to let out my frustration on him.

And it was just as frustrating with Edward as it was with Jake. I loved being with him, but we both knew that we were asking for trouble if we let things get romantic. I had made the decision to stay human and stay with Jacob. And that meant Edward and I had to keep our relationship strictly platonic. The most we did in private was hold hands... Okay, I would sometimes rest my head against him, and that sort of thing, but nothing more. In public, however, we needed to play the roll of reconciling couple. That was an exquisite agony—and did nothing to relieve my frustration. But the worst part was that we were making no progress with Victoria.

Tanya, bless her, decided that, mad as she was at the werewolves, she was even more angry with Victoria. It was Victoria's little revenge plot that got Laurent killed, after all. (She also, I learned, had a crush on Edward, which might have given her added motivation to help him. That gave me a taste of my own medicine, as I both hoped and feared that she might square our awkward triangle.) As a peace gesture and – I would later learn – without her sisters' blessings, she told us a bit about Victoria.

The witch had a true Talent for evasion. She would never fall into a trap. She could escape from almost any situation. And to a lesser extent, she could evade roadblocks and obstacles intended to keep her out as well as in. That was why she seemed to know exactly the right time to attack, when Alice left me unguarded, just for a minute. We were all on double alert after we heard that.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Edward. "The Cullens can't spend the rest of their lives protecting me!"

Edward snorted. "Worst-case scenario, we spend the rest of _your _life protecting you. Seriously Bella, this is the last thing you need to worry about. We're all worried about you; of course we are, as we would be about any family member who was in danger. But protecting you is a labor of love. And I don't just mean for me; we're actually all enjoying having a project to work on. Even Rosalie is enjoying the challenge."

It was true that Rose, as I'd started calling her, had warmed up to me a bit, since I decided not to become a vampire. And all the Cullens, even Rose, did seem to enjoy protecting me—very much like the Pack had.

It was ironic and rather flattering that I seemed to be an honorary member of both a werewolf pack and a vampire coven. I now thought of both of them as my families. And amazingly, it seemed both families thought the same way about me. Even Rose and Emily were almost like sisters to me. And it seemed that they, more or less, felt the same way – or at least Emily had, before I treated Jacob so shabbily.

And it was nice, more than nice, spending so much time with Edward. But it was also confusing, and it made me feel guilty, and it made me second-guess my decision to stay with Jacob. Which made me feel even more guilty. I even felt guilty about feeling guilty. I mean, just because I thought I had it all worked out, didn't mean that there was the only way it could be, right? Why should I feel guilty for enjoying my time with Edward? Wouldn't I feel just as guilty if I was spending that time with Jake?

Aye, there was the rub, because I knew that I would. It seemed I was doomed to always be hurting one or the other, or both of them, and to pay my penance in guilt.

Thinking of causing Edward pain made me remember something else. I was nestled against him on the couch, in one of the Cullen's guest dens, ostensibly watching TV. I swear, I could not have said what was on if my life depended on it. Some crime drama, I think. Anyway, I was feeling a little guilty about being so comfortable, and I was afraid that if I didn't strike up some kind of non-romantic conversation we might do something we would regret. "What did you mean when you said that my blood has no more power over you?" I asked him. "I've been meaning to ask."

Edward stared at me with a surprised look on his face. "I told you, almost three weeks ago, how close I came to killing you. Since then, you've been alone with me, with my mouth practically pressed against your neck—sometimes _actually_ pressed against your neck—almost daily. And you're just now getting around to wondering if you're _safe?_"

"I'm not wondering if I'm safe," I said, slightly offended. "I'm just wondering what you meant. And if I'm making you... uncomfortable."

He'd probably lie if I was. One thing I liked about Rose was that she would tell me unpleasant truths. Like when I observed that, even if Victoria manged to get in a good bite on one of the Cullens, she wouldn't have time to burn the body – as long as another Cullen or two was nearby. Rose told me it wasn't that simple. Vampire venom was like acid to an open wound. In a small cut, it would leave a scar. With an amputation, it could make reattachment impossible. With decapitation... mercy killing might be the only option. Rose had not, of course, excreted any venom when she decapitated Edward. (I knew it had to have been her.)

Edward took just a second to compose his answer to my question. "I have known in my heart and mind," he said, "that I could not live another day if I killed you, practically since we first met. But my body didn't know it until I thought you were actually dead. That was the greatest pain, the most horrible agony, I have ever felt. The painful transformation from human to vampire ranks only a distant second. It doesn't even begin to compare. Now my body instinctively recoils from anything that might cause that pain again. Instinctively. I don't even have to think about. Now, I hardly even notice your scent. I just shut it out."

"Oh, so now I don't even smell good to you anymore?" I asked in a hurt voice. The funny thing was that I didn't have to try very hard for that tone. Hey, everybody likes to feel special, even if it does put you in danger.

Edward grinned and breathed in deeply, taking in my scent and holding it like a perfume tester.

Then he got a very strange look on his face.

For just a second, I was nervous. Had I goaded him into doing something reckless? Was I bleeding somewhere without noticing it, I wondered? Was he about to react the way Jasper had at my party—the way _he_ and Jasper had?

If so, I was dead. There was no one here to save me this time. I had developed the habit of being very careful not to nick myself, but I was still a natural klutz. Maybe I should have let my legs go European. But I just hated that look. When was my period due, anyway?

Edward could not read my mind, but he could read my expressions. A sideways look, and a snort from him told me that I was worrying for nothing. He sniffed at the air again, more slowly this time, and his brow wrinkled.

"Alice!" he shouted.

He hadn't even finished her name, when Alice came dancing into the room. She shut the door behind her. "What on earth do you need a sewing needle for?" she asked, holding out the tiny implement. It must be convenient to have a sister like Alice.

Edward took the needle from her and rubbed it vigorously with his thumb and forefinger, sharpening it and killing any germs in the process. Then he blew on it to cool it back down. "Bella," he said in a worried voice. "could you hold out your hand, please? I promise this won't hurt. Oh, and hold your nose."

He took my hand and looked over at Alice. "Do you need to leave the room?"

Alice looked back at Edward incredulously. "_I'm_ fine," she said, impying she wasn't sure if Edward was.

Edward looked back at me to make sure I was ready, and lightly pricked my finger with the needle. I barely even felt it. I was not surprised that he found a nice vein and did not hit any nerves. A tiny drop of blood formed on my skin. Edward leaned toward it just a little, then thought better of that. He touched the drop with his finger and brought it up to his nose and then to his lips. His eyes narrowed and seemed to glaze over, and it almost looked like he was going into a trance. His mouth did not close, as he pulled his finger away. He froze like that for several seconds before he turned to look at me in wonder.

I had a bad feeling about this.

Edward still seemed dazed when Alice called out to him.

"Well, was it as good as it's been hyped up to be?" she asked.

Edward shook himself and grinned back at her. "Taste for yourself," he said.

Alice looked shocked, but she saw that he was serious. She looked at me for some sign of consent, but I was still mulling over that last question I had asked myself, counting backwards in my head, so I basically ignored her.

She walked slowly over to us, sniffing the air cautiously as she came. Her look said that she could already smell what he was talking about, but she still came over and repeated Edward's actions, using her finger to get a drop of my blood. Her eye's got big the instant her finger touched her tongue. Her reaction was almost as strong as Edward's had been.

"Is that... wolf?" she asked incredulously.

"You shouldn't need to taste it to get something that obvious, Alice," Edward chided. As he spoke, he swiped his finger across mine again. It must have had a little venom on it. It sizzled like peroxide and cauterized the wound. He wasn't taking any chances on a repeat of my birthday party. The spot was so tiny that I couldn't even see it, much less feel it.

Alice concentrated on the taste in her mouth, and her eyes got even bigger as she looked at me.

"Bella, you... you're... do you...?"

Wow. I never thought I'd see a vampire at a loss like that—especially not Alice.

I gulped. "If you're about to say that I'm going to have a baby, I guess I already guessed," I said.

Six weeks ago, was the answer to my question. A few days before Victoria's attack. That was my last period.

"Uh, if you were going to say something else, pretend I didn't say that." I added lamely.

"No, that was it," said Alice grinning. "So you're... going to...? I mean, you've already decided, to keep it?"

"Like you didn't already know."

"No, I didn't," she corrected me. "I haven't been able to see you in... weeks. Since you went to La Push, after the fight at Knife Point. First you were just fuzzy, or rather, distant and indistinct. I couldn't see you in La Push because you were surrounded by werewolves, but I saw that you would be going with me to greet Carlisle and Esme that evening, so I wasn't worried about it. But then your future just winked out. I couldn't see anything, no matter how far ahead I looked. I thought you were about to die! I called to warn you, remember? And I haven't been able to see you ever since. It's worried me, let me tell you. But I thought your destiny had simply gotten too entangled with the werewolves'."

"That... sounds... about right," I mused. "I mean, in a way, I guess it has. Very entangled." I rubbed my lower abdomen. "Self-fulfilling prophecy," I muttered to myself, as I thought back to the events three weeks ago.

"What?" asked Edward.

"If Alice hadn't seen my future disappear, she wouldn't have called to warn me that I was about to die. And I wouldn't have gone off alone with Jacob. And my future wouldn't have disappeared."

Alice looked shocked and chagrined. "That sort of thing doesn't usually happen to me," she said ruefully. "But all these blind spots..."

"Ugh," I groaned, rudely interrupting her. "I am soooo stupid! I know I should have...

"Or rather, I shouldn't have...

"But I was just getting over my period! I was two weeks away from being fertile!"

Edward and Alice looked at me sympathetically.

"I imagine Jacob's spermatozoa are a bit hardier than a normal human's," Alice observed, stating what should have been obvious.

Boy, did I feel stupid.

"You do still have options here, Bella," Edward pointed out. "If you..."

"No," I said decisively. "I mean, yes, I know I do. But no, I'm not going to do that."

We all stood quietly for a minute. Then, with a sound of wonder in her voice, Alice said, "You're going to have a baby."

"A stinky baby," Edward pointed out.

That seemed to trigger some kind of recognition in Alice. "A stinky baby," she repeated slowly.

"A very stinky baby," Edward said with a grin. "The house is going to positively reek."

Alice looked at Edward, and a huge smile slowly spread across her face. She turned and asked me, "Can I tell Esme? Rose? Everyone?"

"Knock yourself out," I said. I was glad that she looked so happy. I wished I was. I kept making decisions that I wasn't too thrilled with, but it didn't seem I had any other choice. "But don't call it a..."

"Stinky baby!" Alice sang. Then she ran out of the room singing, "Esme! Rosalie! You'll never guess!"

"Stinky baby," I finished. "You're going to give him or her, or me, a complex."

Edward chuckled. "All babies stink, Bella," he explained. "Men don't care, and women don't even seem to notice. But they all stink. To humans, that is. To vampires they smell..."

I put my hands to his lips so fast I practically slapped him. I did not want to hear Edward say that babies smelled delicious.

Grinning, he said through my fingers, "That's one reason we can't have a normal baby in the house. You have no idea how much we, especially Esme and Rose, wish that we could."

He barely managed to get that out before Esme and Rosalie were in the room, literally squealing with joy! They peppered me with questions, and Rose begged to see my belly, which of course looked perfectly normal, except Rose swore that it didn't.

I was totally shocked at how Rose, usually so cold and distant to me, was suddenly acting like a school girl meeting a pop star. And the men were no better. They were all standing around, trying to act cool about it though.

"I think we should take Bella over to the hospital and run some preliminary tests," said Carlisle. "Edward, would you like to drive?" He was as excited as anyone, doing only a slightly better job of acting cool than the others. I thought that playing the 'I'm a doctor' card was a pretty sneaky way to push to the front of the line, but nobody called him on it.

While everyone else was dancing around excitedly—or milling around, in the case of the men—I was thinking. There was something about this that was not right. It was almost like a premonition, or at least an intuition, or maybe it was just embarrassment. But I was suddenly very nervous. "Uh, how about if Rose takes us?" I asked. And I'm sure I blushed. This didn't take much acting. All I had to do was think about Edward being there, under the circumstances.

Rose quickly agreed, and the three of us went to the county hospital where Carlisle worked. (They had hired him back as soon as he got back in town.) I knew there wouldn't be any problem with Rose at the hospital. She had will power that bordered on a talent. She wasn't usually as motivated as Edward or Carlisle to expose herself to pain and temptation, but when she needed to, she could do it. Carlisle got us a private room and left to get some equipment.

"Rose," I asked nervously as soon as we were alone, "did you ever meet Jacob? Before three weeks ago, I mean?"

"Sure," she answered. "Last year at the prom."

"Right," I remembered too, now that she reminded me. Jake had come to pass on a warning from his father, and we had shared a dance. That was a nice memory.

"Did you notice how he smelled?" I asked.

"No," she said. Her eyes narrowed as she began to realize, or at least wonder, where I was going with these questions.

"Wouldn't you have noticed, if he smelled like a werewolf?" I asked. "Wouldn't Edward? Jake tapped Edward on the shoulder to cut in."

"Edward would have thrown him through a wall," she mused.

"I don't think the wolf gene normally kicks in until they're almost grown," I said.

She thought about that for a moment. Then her eyes flicked towards the door. She said quickly, "Let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe the wolf smell is like a baby's hair. That sometimes comes in, then falls out, before coming in again."

I was thinking that Rose was probably right, and that I was worrying over nothing. I'm sure pregnancy turns most women into a worry warts – most fathers too. Carlisle busied himself with tests and then he called a nurse to bring in a sonograph. Rose and I looked at each other. It seemed awfully early for that.

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" he asked me.

I told him.

He kept the conversation light until the middle of the sonogram. "And you're sure you know when?" he asked, with just a touch of confusion in his voice.

"I've only done it one time," I said. "Well, several times. One night."

Rose bumped her shoulder against mine and said, "You go, girl!"

Carlisle ignored that and said, "That should put the fetus about twenty four days old, forty two at the most."

"Yeah," I agreed, "but my periods are always very regular. I shouldn't have been fertile until twenty four days ago, twenty seven at most."

Carlisle nodded, but looked worried. "I believe you Bella, and I agree with your estimates on when conception most likely occurred. But the crown-rump length indicates a fetus at least seventy two days old. Probably seventy six."

Rose an I both started at this news. I had already realized that something must be wrong, but this...? "How accurate is that?" I asked, looking at the blurry image on the monitor.

"Normally, very," said Carlisle. "If you were a normal patient, if the fetus had a normal father, I would be telling you that this indicated very abnormal growth—probably cancer or a thyroid condition. And I would be advising termination." He looked worried. But more than that, he looked sad.

I swallowed and looked over at Rose. She looked back at me and squeezed my hand in support.

"Let me do an amniocentesis," he said reassuringly. "That should tell us more."

An alarm went off in my head. I loved Carlisle like a second father, but he did have a history of deciding what was best for me, and then acting, without even bothering to get my input. And I got very nervous that he might decide that I wasn't competent to decide what to do here. I believed him, that he did not think of me as a pet; but I was sure that he thought of me as a child, or maybe as a not-quite competent person. And maybe to a super-genius, three-hundred-year-old vampire, that's what I was. But I was also an adult, able to make my own decisions, right or wrong.

Somehow, Rose seemed to pick up on my nervous vibes, or maybe she just had the same thought I had. She knew Carlisle better than I did, after all. "Let's get a nurse to do that," she said, a hard look on her face.

Carlisle looked at her in surprise. For a moment, they locked eyes and glared at each other. Then Carlisle went to call a nurse in.

"How far do you want to push this, Bella?" Rose asked.

"Isn't there some risk in an amnio?" I asked. She took that as the answer it was; I would do nothing to endanger my baby. I would do anything to keep him or her safe. But Rose did talk me into the amniocentesis. She pointed out that it was impossible to go through this risk-free. The risk in an amnio was very small, and the information might be helpful to both me and the baby.

Nothing looked normal, of course. But what was normal for a werewolf? There were twenty four chromosome pairs. Normal humans only had twenty three. Twenty four would normally indicate some kind of genetic condition, like Down's syndrome or Turner's syndrome. But Rose pointed out that vampires had twenty five chromosome pairs. So, for all we knew, twenty four might be normal for a werewolf. The only thing we really learned was that it was a girl. That surprised me. I don't know why I had thought it was a boy, but I had already started mentally calling 'him' Jeb – for Jacob Edward Black.

Alice I'm not. But I am adaptable. I had a new name picked out before we got home.

Renesmee.

I hoped Jake would like it.

"To paraphrase Henry Ford," said Carlisle, grinning, "I'm sure you can choose any name you want, as long as it's Black."

"Huh?"

"Grandpa humor," said Rosalie, rolling her eyes. "Henry Ford used to say of the Model T, 'You can have any color you like, as long as it's black."

I giggled, partly at the joke, but more at the thought of Carlisle as a grandpa.

Over the next few days, Carlisle's worries intensified. But Edward was much, much worse. And that worried me. I knew how overprotective he could be. He literally lived for my well being. But sometimes he interpreted well being to just mean 'physical safety'. That's why he had left me, six months earlier, and put me through an experience that was, in some ways, worse than death. That's why he had almost attacked Jacob – even though Jake had saved my life at least three times over, and even though the imagined danger had already passed. Or at least we thought it had. What would Edward do if he thought a fetus – not even a person yet, in his mind – was putting me in danger?

Rose became my constant bodyguard. If she wasn't by my side, Emmett or Esme was, and usually several others. Even when I was home at Charlie's, one of them was always nearby. Rose met me in my room every night, just like Edward used to (but without the romance). And I knew that at least two more vampires were always hiding nearby. Also, I was not allowed to see Jake. His sense of smell was as good as Edwards. He would probably be less likely to notice the smell of werewolf than Edward was, but her smell was only going to grow stronger as my stomach grew bigger. And the need for secrecy now was greater than ever. If Victoria found out about the baby... I shuddered at the thought. It would be so much easier for her to kill the baby than it was to kill me. One phone call was all it would take. The Volturi would wipe out the werewolves 'to the last cub and papoose,' and unborn child.

While Rose and Esme played bodyguard, Edward and Carlisle threw themselves into research. When they had exhausted all other avenues available, Carlisle decided to take a risk. He talked to Billy Black. Jake could not keep this secret from the Pack, but Billy could.

I have to hand it to Billy, he adapted quickly. After years of hating the Cullens, and weeks of resenting them, he was suddenly a co-conspirator. He even went to the hospital and gave some blood samples for Carlisle to study. As Carlisle suspected, he had a twenty fourth chromosome, just like Renesmee. But unlike Renesmee, his was wrapped in a protean shell that made it dormant. One mystery solved. But that still didn't tell us why Renesmee's 'W' chromosome was so very active – so much younger than any werewolf before her. We still didn't know why that had happened, or what it would do to her.

And I continued to grow.

Carlisle sat me and Rose and Esme, my two main champions, down for a talk. "Bella," he said. "You and Jacob can try again later. You can have many children together. But this one... This one is going to kill you if you don't let me get it out."

"Why would it be any better next time," I asked. "Why is this one different?"

"Because, this one is surrounded by vampires," he said simply. "Billy Black believes that the presence of vampires is the surest catalyst for the change from human to werewolf. And he has good evidence to support it. There have been cases of boys becoming werewolves very young – not this young, but young – when a vampire threatened the tribe. If he's right, and I believe that he is, then living with us—staying with us so much—has triggered the change far too early."

"Maybe if I went to live in La Push?"

"I doubt that would work," said Carlisle. "When we left last time, there were a couple of boys in the early stages. I asked Mr. Black, and they did complete the transformation after we left. The presence of vampires can trigger the change, but once it's started, it will probably run its course, with or without us. And even if that did work, I think it would kill the baby. Your body is not keeping up with her. Her supernatural strength is the only thing keeping her alive. Staying with us is killing you, but leaving us would almost certainly kill her."

Carlisle looked at me for a while, and when I didn't say anything, he started the lecture: "Bella, the fetus is growing much too fast for your body to keep up. And what if it phases? You would not survive that. The werewolves are ten times heavier in their wolf forms than they are as humans! You can have other children. Jacob's children. And you can live to be their mother. Jacob would be the first to tell you how important that is. This one... this one could tear you apart."

It was my turn to say something. And I had given this a lot of thought. "I'm already being torn apart," I said. "Jake and Edward, I love them both so much, but they're tearing me apart. When I'm with Edward, I feel guilty about Jake. And when I'm with Jake, even just talking on the phone, I feel guilty about Edward. I love them both, but I can't give either of them my whole heart.

"But this one...," and I rubbed my stomach, "this one I can love unconditionally, with no guilt at all. She might kill me; I'm prepared for that. But she'll never hurt me. And... well, I have made my choice between Jake and Edward, conflicted as I am, but I will never stop loving Edward. But if Edward was even partly responsible for killing Jake's and my baby, the physical embodiment of our love, that would taint my love for him forever. Twist it. Instead of choosing Jacob, I would have no choice but to go to him. No choice at all."

"But that would taint my love for Jacob too! It can't be like that. Who I go with has to be my choice; it can't be forced. Not like that."

"So I would lose Jacob too, in the end. And I'd be left with nothing. Do you think I could survive that Carlisle? Do you think I'd even want to?"

Carlisle closed his eyes for a moment, but then he looked straight at me and said, with tears in his eyes, "If she phases, you will die."

"Then we have to keep her from phasing," I said simply. "We'll sing to her and play Mozart. Werewolves phase by accident if they get upset, so we'll just have to keep her from getting upset."

Sometimes, stating a problem aloud really helps you see the solution. And as soon as I heard myself say that, I saw it. We all did. And we all said it together: "Jasper!"

Carlisle went to ask him if he would be willing to help me for the next few weeks. As if there was any question. Jasper was as exited about the baby as anyone.

Everyone came into the room a few minutes later. Of course, Edward had heard the whole thing—and everyone else's internal commentary as well. There was no need to explain my decision to him. He came up to me, and he hugged me with such gentleness and passion that for a moment I forgot who's baby I was carrying. Forgot that he had ever left, or that there had been any tension between us. Forgot that there was anyone else in the room (which was slightly embarrassing later). Heck I even forgot my own name! Of course, I forgot that we were trying to refrain from kissing. I knew I would pay for that later, with an extra helping of guilt. But I thought that Jake would probably understand anyway. Sometimes your happiness is just too great to hold in.

Pure happiness is like a sand painting. It's not meant to last long. The following evening, we got a phone call. Irina wanted satisfaction. She demanded a duel with Jacob – to the death.


	8. Duel

**8. Duel**

_Jacob was going to die because of me. _

And the week started out so well.

I had just discovered the new love of my life – and neither Jake nor Edward was jealous. Well, Edward wasn't. And Jake wouldn't be when he found out about her.

She was his daughter after all.

Of course, they say that she's going to kill me. But what else is new?

Jake's going to lose his temper and rip me to shreds. Edward's going to give in to his blood lust and drain me dry. Victoria's going to catch me. The Volturi are going to find out about me. And my parents are going to learn I've been dating a werewolf – and a vampire!

And now my daughter is growing too fast. She'll rip me apart from the inside, if I don't die from other complications first.

Blah blah blah.

Look, I don't want to die. But that's because I've got things worth living for. And my daughter is one of them now. A big one. Maybe the biggest. Does that make sense? When I haven't even met her yet? When she's only a potential?

Yes. Because whatever else she is or is not, she is the product of Jake's and my love. She's a part of him, and of me.

And there's no such thing as a risk-free pregnancy. Women accept the danger because the joy outweighs the risk. And my joy was great indeed. This wasn't something I planned, or even knew that I wanted before I had it; but now that I had it, I wasn't going to give it up. I knew that this was going to bring me and Jake closer together. I knew that Charlie would be happy – once he got past the initial shock. And Renee too, of course. And the unexpected bonus was how excited the Cullens were.

It even strengthened my bond with Edward. I really hadn't expected that!

For about a half a second after I first realized I was pregnant, I worried that Edward would be upset about it. This was, after all, another man's child, and a werewolf's at that. But it wasn't like it was evidence of infidelity. On the contrary, this was what Edward wanted for me—maybe not immediately, but eventually. It was one of the reasons he had left: so that I could have a normal life, family, friends—children. I'm sure it made him feel a little better about that horrible decision, that something good had come out of it.

But mostly it was just that Edward loved me. He would love any child of mine. Even if I was having puppies, he'd love them. And I loved him all the more for that.

Edward did get upset when he realized what a high-risk pregnancy this was. But when he came to finally accept that I was having this baby, in spite of the danger, he didn't freak out, or berate me, or even try to talk me out of it. He just hugged me so tenderly that, for a moment, I was completely lost in my bliss. The next thing I knew, we were kissing more passionately than we had ever kissed before.

"Oops," we said in unison, as we broke away from each other.

It went without saying that we couldn't do that anymore. I wasn't going to do to Jake what Renee did to Charlie. I didn't blame Renee for that; she had not been happy. That's a good reason for leaving. Thinking that you might be just a little bit more happy with someone else—isn't. Not for leaving the father of your child. Not in my book, and not in Edward's. He was old fashioned that way, and surprisingly moral for a vampire.

I still worried a little that Edward would weigh my joy versus my safety a bit differently than I did. He always did, after all. Would he still be so understanding when the danger started looking imminent and extreme? Or when I was in obvious pain? You know the old saying: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Well, I decided to stay very close to Rosalie.

So yes. The pregnancy was not without its problems. But to me, the biggest problem was that I couldn't tell Jake about it! There was no telling how Jake might react if he knew that I was carrying his child and still staying with the Cullens. He was already mad at them, and at me, because they had reneged on their offer of cooperation, and because they were keeping us apart.

But staying away from Jacob was necessary in order to keep Victoria from seeing the Cullens and the Pack cooperating. And, now more than ever, we could not let Victoria see my two families cooperating! If she knew that the pack was my family – that I was carrying a wolf child – we were doomed. Her only reason for living was to hurt us – revenge for killing her mate. And if she knew how important the werewolves were to me – and how important a certain werewolf-to-be was to all of us – she had a very easy way to hurt us.

I'd never had a nightmare while I was wide awake before, but the thought of the Volturi finding out about Renesmee practically had me screaming in terror. No, Jake couldn't know because, with his mind link with the rest of the Pack, he could not keep the secret.

I had to settle for calling Jake and telling him how much I loved him and missed him.

"And want us to be friends," he added sarcastically.

"No. Jake, we've been over this. I haven't chosen Edward over you. I'm still... torn."

"But you're spending all your time with him!"

"Because I have to. Because you almost died at Knife Point, and I won't put you or your brothers in danger like that again. And because of the feud. Other than Alice, and maybe Jasper, the Cullens just have too much hostility towards werewolves to agree to any kind of... time share."

"But Bells," he pleaded, "if you stayed at Charlie's, Alice could still visit you like she did before. The other Cullens too, we'd give you lots of space." He said that with obvious distaste.

"You know this is more about Edward's jealousy than it is about the feud," he argued. "He's just trying to keep us apart. And he's doing a pretty good job of it!"

"I know," I said softly. "I mean, I know he's being unreasonable. But don't worry. They all know that I love you too. And they all accept that, even Edward. He's just not ready to... make friends yet."

"You mean he's not ready to give up yet – or even give me a fair chance."

I sighed. I hated keeping so many secrets from Jacob. But I couldn't tell him that I had already chosen, that the choice was him. The rivalry between him and Edward was the only thing keeping Victoria from running to the Volturi. The way she now saw it, the Volturi would wipe out the Pack and leave the Cullens sitting pretty – the last thing she wanted. She didn't know, and couldn't know, that the Cullens would die trying to prevent a genocide. I would do anything to keep her from figuring that out – even lie to Jacob.

"Jacob, be patient. This is the way it has to be, until Victoria is either gone or gives up. I won't let you risk your life or your brothers' lives to protect me, not when the Cullens can do it without risking anyone. Don't worry. She's bound to slip up eventually."

Mostly it was a good talk. I was being more lovey-dovey than usual, and that made him happy. And he liked the idea that Edward was listening in on that. The jerk.

After I finished talking to Jacob, I asked Edward about the Star Trek episode he told me about, the one with a character based on him. He chuckled and brought up "Requiem for Methuselah" on You Tube. He had a PC connected to the fifty six inch monitor in the den. Sweet.

Esme was in Alaska, trying to smooth things over with the Denali group. But Edward asked the rest of the family if they wanted to join us in the den to watch it. The others all seemed interested in seeing it again – except Emmett, who grumbled and left the room. Everyone else chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"There's a character based on him too," said Edward, grinning.

"Oh?"

"Here's a challenge for you," said Carlisle. "See if you can guess what name Emmett was using at the time."

I was confused at first. Emmett obviously wasn't the inspiration for Kirk or Spock or the doctor, and there were only two guest stars. If Flint was based on Edward, then it had to be Rayna, his beautiful 'ward'. But that didn't make sense to me.

Suddenly, I got it.

"Emmett Forks?" I guessed. They all laughed. And I heard Emmett's loud growl from the other side of the house.

"Technically," said Edward. "But everyone just called him Em."

Em Forks. I couldn't help but chuckle. From upstairs I heard another feral growl that would have sent any sensible human looking for cover. I just snuggled comfortably between the angry vampire's brother, and his wife. Snug as a bug in a rug, that was me. The coolness of their bodies pressing against me was quite comfortable; the baby in my belly kept me a bit too warm.

"We can't always be The Cullens," Edward explained, suppressing his laughter, "or even all in the same family, or people might grow suspicious. At the time, I was going by Edward Mason; and Emmett was playing the family's bodyguard, Em Forks."

The show only had two guest stars, but Flint also had a dorky robot bodyguard called M4. According to Edward, it was originally the Mark 4 Knowledge System, or the M4KS.

By the time I figured it out, I was kind of into the episode and decided to watch the rest of it.

We had just gotten to the part where Rayna's secret was revealed, when Edward's phone began to ring. At first I didn't recognize the haunting melody: "Da da deeee da da da dee da daaaaaa." Then I remembered it from an old You Tube clip. I had found it back when I was researching vampires – before I had access to the inside scoop. It was the theme from "Dark Shadows," a soap opera about a vampire (named _Barnabas ____Collins_, no less).

That had to mean two things: First, that Edward had lost his latest bet with Emmett. (Last week, Emmett's ring tone had been "I'm A Barbie Girl.") And second, that something bad had happened.

I don't know how I knew that second part, but I did. Edward frowned when he saw the number, but he answered politely. "Hello Tanya, what can I do for you?"

Tanya was the leader of the Denali coven, and she used to have a thing for Edward. Probably still did; I couldn't imagine anyone ever completely getting over Edward. He swore that it was never requited, but they were very close friends. I knew how that could be, so of course I got jealous whenever I even thought about her. I guess that was pretty brain-dead, all things considered, but I just couldn't help it. Edward's frown deepened as he listened to her, and he left the room to talk in private.

We all went back to the show, but my mind wasn't on it. Not by a long shot. And neither was anyone else's. No one gave any outward sign they were listening to Edward's conversation in the next room, but I was sure that they could hear every word. So I concentrated on Rose; she was the easiest nut to crack, after Emmett. Finally, she slumped under my intense stare. "Yeah," she said, "it's bad news."

"Yes," Edward agreed, reentering the room. He looked at me in resignation. "It's very bad."

_Jacob was going to die because of me._

He had come close to it at Knife Point. But that was over so quickly that the danger had passed before it really registered on me. And he was in some danger all the time because of me, but that was an abstract thing. And it was a shared danger. I was the target, not Jacob. This was different. This time the target was painted right on Jacob's chest.

And it was all my fault.

When she got back, Esme practically fell over herself trying to apologize. She blamed herself, and I couldn't completely disagree. She had talked to Irina, hoping to defuse the situation between her and the werewolves. Irina was her closest friend, so she thought she could reason with her and smooth things over. She pointed out to Irina that Jacob was, after all, only defending his mate. Every culture respects that, including both modern vampire culture and the warrior clan Irina had been born and raised in.

But Esme's argument had backfired, badly. For one thing, it gave Irina a specific target for her anger—Jacob. For another, Irina thought that Esme was playing her, and no one likes to be played. She knew Esme was not above lying if she thought it would save lives. How could I be both a werewolf's mate and Edward's? And even if she acknowledged Jacob's right to kill in defense of his mate, didn't she have the same right?

And just like that, she was decided. She demanded a formal duel of honor. If Jacob would not meet her challenge, it would mean war between his pack and her coven—and any allies they might call. If the Cullens interfered, she would call in an arbitrator. Such arbitration might involve the Volturi directly. And even if it didn't, it would probably get back to them. In any case, the arbitrator would certainly agree that Irina was within her rights.

Jacob was going to die because of me.

Esme did everything she could to fix things. But it wasn't going to be fixed. And Esme's distress only added to my own. Jasper was working overtime trying to keep both of us calm, as well as the baby.

Carlisle called Billy Black on the phone.

"Mr. Black? This is Carlisle Cullen."

"What can I do for you, Dr. Cullen?" Billy's voice was guarded, even a little worried. Billy was the only one of the Queliute who knew about the danger from the Volturi, or about my being pregnant. And he knew this wouldn't be a social call.

Carlisle sighed and let his tone show his regret. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I have some bad news. About two months ago the Pack killed a vampire named Laurent. His mate wants revenge. She has challenged Jacob to a duel."

"Jacob?"

"Yes, and that's our fault," said Carlisle. "We let slip that Bella was Jacob's mate. The pack was defending Bella when it killed Laurent."

"Why? Why would you do that?" asked Billy suspiciously.

"That was me. My fault," said Esme, taking the phone from Carlisle. "I was trying to prevent a war. Irina is... was, a good friend of mine. I thought I could talk her out of seeking revenge. I thought that if she knew he was defending his mate, she'd agree that the kill was justified. I... misjudged the depth of her anger. And Jacob is paying the price for my poor judgment. I want you to know, I will do anything I can to fix this. I will even fight by his side if he asks."

Seven heads shot up at that, including mine. "No!" Carlisle shouted. "If you make it a team fight, she'll bring in Kate!"

"Sounds like we should let Jake in this conversation," said Billy. "Maybe we should meet. Past time we set this damn feud aside." His voice was calm. I could just barely hear the stress.

Esme looked at me, down at my belly, and shook her head. "Could Carlisle and I come to your home? No wait, I forgot; we would leave an odor that Jacob finds unpleasant. Let me rent a conference room at the Forrest Lodge. Sam will need to be there, and you might bring Jacob's closest teammates. His wingmen, I believe you call them?"

"Quil and Embry," I offered.

"And who all will you bring?" Billy asked.

"Just me and Carlisle," she answered.

"What?" Emmett shouted. But she waved him to silence.

"It's best we keep it as small a group as possible, to avoid tension," Esme added, for our benefit as much as Billy's. "Let me rent the room for tomorrow, say noon? Call me back if that won't work."

Emmett wasn't the only one who didn't like the idea of Esme and Carlisle facing four werewolves alone. But she was adamant about it, and Carlisle agreed. They were the least-confrontational members of the family, the least likely to get into a fight with the werewolves. And they were the Cullen's leaders. If their minds were made up, then the others had to respect their decision.

"We won't be there to fight, or even negotiate," said Esme. "We just need to explain Jacob's options to him."

I didn't sleep well that evening. I was at home in my own bed, which usually helped, but not this time. I probably wouldn't have slept at all if weren't for Jasper keeping me relaxed.

My dreams were filled with a black-shrouded army. A hundred grim reapers were destroying a much smaller army of wolves. The air was filled with smoke and the smell of blood and the cries of the dying. The fight raged on around me, as I stumbled among the corpses. Everywhere I looked was the face of someone I loved: my friends, my family, my neighbors, my tribe. I was stunned by my grief, but I didn't stop to mourn or touch the faces I saw, not even Charlie's, not even Edward's, not even Jacob's. I was looking for one special face. And I didn't even know what she looked like.

"Renesmee!"

I woke with a start.

"Are you alright?" a soft voice asked.

I looked up to see Jasper standing motionless across the room. I could barely make him out in the early morning light. But before I could answer, my stomach heaved.

"Excuse me," I said and raced to the bathroom across the hall. I vomited noisily into the toilet.

Then I heard a noise that sent a chill running through me, a reaction that should have been more natural to waking up to a vampire in my room.

"Bella, what's the matter?" asked Charlie from behind me. I had been in too big a hurry to shut the door. Charlie always preferred to call me Isabella, but when he was being solicitous or concerned, I was Bella.

"Nothing, Charlie. Just something I ate. Can you get me some Pepto?"

"Sure. Here, let me help you back to your bed." He pulled me up gently, then looked at me. "Bella, are you sure you're...?"

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm..." Right at that moment, someone decided to be sociable. I felt a little nudge from inside me. I looked down, and my hand shot reflexively to my belly.

Sometimes I hated being such an open book. But I guess most people don't gaze endearingly at a simple stomach pain. And my stomach was noticeably larger than it had been just a few days before.

I heard Charlie gasp.

"Are you sick, or are you..." he sputtered the word, "pregnant?

He was turning ever deeper shades of red. I could see he had a real blowout coming. But, fact was, I was getting a little ticked off myself. I was an adult, after all. And I had too many worries, too many things to be really sorry about, to waste time being sorry for not living up to Charlie's expectations.

I looked him in the eyes. "They're not exactly mutually exclusive," I said sullenly.

His angry expression vanished in an instant, to be replaced with concern. I wondered if that might be Jasper's doing, but I doubted it. Charlie was like that. "What's the matter, baby?" he asked.

I let the 'baby' part slide and tried to gather my thoughts. I had already given a bit of thought to this. The rate she was growing, I knew it might not be possible to hide Renesmee for very long. But I hadn't come to any firm decisions. I still wasn't exactly sure what to tell him.

"It's... complicated," I said.

"Well," Charlie took a deep breath. "You feel like coming down to the kitchen and having a little breakfast?"

Breakfast was awful. For one thing, Charlie can't cook. For another, nothing appealed to me. Eggs, a little, that was it. I sat and picked at my food and tried to decide how much to tell him. How much did I have to tell him? What did I absolutely have to keep secret?

"Who's..." Charlie started.

"Jake's," I said before he could finish the obvious question. I knew he'd be—well, happy's not the right word—a little less pissed than if she was Edward's. Charlie still hadn't forgiven Edward for leaving me last September.

"How is it complicated, Isabella? Why are you sick? I mean, I guess you don't just mean morning sickness."

I gnawed on my lower lip and decided to tell him the truth. Just not all of it. "You know how Jake's been growing like a weed the past few months?" I asked.

Charlie nodded. Jake had grown eight inches in less than three months. "It's kind of a condition. And the baby's got it. She's growing really fast."

It only took a moment for that to sink in. "What can we do?" he asked.

"Carlisle's taking care of me. He's the best one for it. I'm probably going to need to stay at the Cullen's for the next few... for a while."

"What does Jake say about that?"

"He doesn't know. And he can't know about it. Not yet," I said. I went on before he could interrupt. "If I lose her, it's only going to hurt him; he's better off not knowing. And he'll go crazy if he knows I'm carrying his baby and still staying at the Cullen's. That stupid feud."

"Bella," he chided, "he deserves to know."

"No, Charlie!" I almost shouted. "I mean, I know he deserves to know. And he will. Soon. But you've got to trust me here. He can't know yet."

Charlie didn't say anything for a while, then he asked, "Her? You said 'her.'"

"Sonogram. Her name is Renesmee – like Renee plus Esme, Carlie – like Carlisle plus Charlie, Black."

Charlie grinned, but he wondered what Jake was going to say about it.

"He'd better say, 'Thank you, It's perfect.' if he knows what's good for him."

I stressed again how important it was to keep this a secret even, or maybe especially, from Jake and Renee. No point worrying them or getting them excited yet. Charlie understood, or at least assented.

I thought the talk went remarkably well. I wondered how much Jasper and his mood control had to do with that.

Edward and Rose came to get me at eight o'clock sharp, and we went grocery shopping. It was nice to have a couple of helpers along. I had to stock both Charlie's and the Cullens' larders. Charlie needed things that were easy to fix, and the Cullens needed things for me. I was mostly craving meat – fresh and red, the bloodier the better.

"She does know we only drink it straight from the source. Doesn't she?" Rosalie whispered to Edward, loud enough for me to here, so I knew I was supposed to.

"I think our little wolf girl is letting Mommy know what she likes," he whispered back.

"And she's actually getting the food she likes? Wow. I wonder what that's like." She let out a long breath in resignation. "Must be nice."

"Bite me," I said.

"Oh sure, now she offers. Now that her blood tastes like wolf."

We went back to Charlie's to fix me a light brunch before the meeting. Charlie's attempt at fixing me breakfast had not filled me up, and it was too far to drive back to the Cullens'. I cooked some potatoes, salad and steak – rare. I could hardly choke down a few bites of the salad or the potatoes, but I devoured the steak.

Edward pointed out that, since Charlie had gone out, we didn't need to go anywhere to listen in on the meeting. He was attuned enough to Carlisle to hear his thoughts from our house. I was impressed. The lodge was six miles away.

**Edward:**

I did not let Bella see the emotional turmoil I was in. (Not after that one lapse, when I really lost it.) She had enough to deal with, without me adding to it. But in fact, I was pretty much a wreck. My decision to leave her, eight months ago, was not an impulsive one. In fact it was a decision I had struggled with since the day I met her. My presence and my family's presence put her in constant danger, and denied it her the normal, healthy, human life she deserved. I wanted that for her more than anything else in the world. Finding someone like Jacob Black (less the extra chromosome, of course) was exactly what I wanted for her.

Right. I kept telling myself that.

Before this, I would never have believed that it was possible to know a thing, absolutely know it, believe it with all your heart, and still... deny it with your very being.

How could she be in love with Jacob Black? I hated Jacob Black. I hated him, and I owed him... everything. Jacob had saved my life at least three times over. No. More than that, he had saved my soul.

I once told Bella that I didn't have a soul. And I believe that it was true—then. But I had a soul now. And her name was Bella. There is a line in Wuthering Heights, one of Bella's favorite books: 'I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!' I could not live without Bella. Bella was the most precious thing in the world to me. So anything precious to her was also precious to me. And anything that hurt her hurt me. Jacob was precious to her. And his death was going to hurt her more than anything ever had – even more than my leaving her. I didn't know if she would even survive it, so I didn't know if I would either.

Yet, there was a part of me, that nasty voice that whispers on your left shoulder, no matter how hard you try to tune it out or shut it up, that said that if he died, I could have her for my own again. I could have her, and we could be a family. A real family—complete, with a child of our own.

And that was the other source of my turmoil.

Renesmee. Daughter of Jacob Black and Bella Swan. Daughter of my heart.

Cripes. I _had_ to stop thinking that way! Jacob might still survive. And then she'd be no daughter of mine. At best, I would be her godfather, her Uncle Edward. But if he died, and this was very likely, I had seen Irina fight, Bella would be... hurt.

What's more, this pregnancy might still **have** to be terminated! Then where would I be, if I failed to keep my emotional distance from... the fetus?

Renesmee.

Why did Bella have to name her so early? It would be so much easier to think of the fetus that might be killing Bella as a mere it, and not a she, if she didn't have such a beautiful name. Bella named Jacob Black's daughter after her mother and mine, and her father – and mine.

How touching. How sweet.

How could she?

Did Bella have any idea what this was doing to me?

Back when we were dating... No. Even before that. Since I first met Bella, first saw her as more than just an almost-irresistible temptation, I had often imagined us as a family. And sometimes I even imagined us with a child of our own. Vampires can't have children, of course. But Bella could. And her children would be my children.

And yes, I know that is absolutely forbidden. Vampire households have a very strict PG-13 rule. No prepubescent humans allowed. Ever. Even close friends, who would turn a blind eye to a human companion, could not ignore that.

And I would never ask them to. It was just a fantasy—but a beautiful one. And now it was very nearly a reality – with the added bonus that this baby would not technically be human. Her presence in our household would not violate vampire law. And with her terrible smell, she would not tempt me or my family the way a human child would.

Why did Bella have to name her so early? Renesmee wasn't even a baby yet, not really. I could hear no thoughts from the tiny creature in Bella's womb, just basic urges, less defined than I would get from a mouse or a frog or even a tadpole. At least the tadpole had some motivation beyond simply being. With my telepathic power, I could answer the question that gave politicians and philosophers so much trouble: terminating this most high-risk of pregnancies right now would not be killing a person.

Except that it would kill Bella, far more surely than trying to carry an awakening werewolf would.

Continuing this pregnancy was absolutely insane. Allowing a young woman, obviously not in her right mind, to endanger her own life this way was criminally negligent. But taking the baby from her would totally destroy her. And Bella would hate me for the rest of her life. How could I live with that?

I couldn't. I was doomed no matter what I did. And I could not think clearly enough to know the right thing to do for Bella. I was just glad that Rosalie had taken that decision out of my hands.

So now I focused on Jacob—my rival, my enemy, who hated me with a passion, and who a part of me hated just as passionately—who I would do everything in my power to keep safe.

But there was really nothing I could do, except listen in as he and my parents made the arrangements for his death. I focused on my father, who's mind I knew so well. Concentrating, I saw what he saw and heard what he heard. Not only that, but focusing on him made it easier to hear the thoughts of the people near him. I relayed what I saw and heard to Bella, Jasper and Rosalie, who were in Charlie Swan's den with me, and to Alice, who was just outside.

"_Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen,_" Billy Black greeted them formally. "_This is Sam Uley. He's leader of the wolf pack and War Chieftain of the Quileute nation. And I think you know my son Jacob, his second in command."_

"Really?" asked Bella.

"Yes," I answered. "By blood and power, Jacob should be both the alpha male of the pack and Chief of the Quileute, but he doesn't want the job."

"Why not?"

"Partly because he is so busy protecting, and wooing, you. And he fears he has divided loyalties — in love with the vampire lover."

Bella blushed guiltily and looked away from me, casting her eyes downward. "Did you hear that, Renesmee?" she said, rubbing her belly. "You're like a princess. But then, I guess all little girls are."

I smiled and went back to my narration.

"___So, a leach wants to go one on one with me,_" said Jacob.

Rose snorted, but I ignored her. As I got into it, my mimicry improved. I knew that it would be perfect to human ears. I saw Bella's carefully neutral expression when she heard Jacob's voice coming from my mouth. Not for the first time, I wished that I could read her mind. And not for the last time, I thought that it might be best that I couldn't.

"_Jacob,"_ scolded Billy, "_you represent the tribe here. Do not shame us."_

"_Sure, sure. I meant 'a bloodsucker'."_

Billy glared at him.

Sam sighed, "_what should we do?"_

"_What's the question?"_ asked Jacob. "_I'll fight her. One less bloodsucker."_

"_You'd like her if you knew her, Jacob,_" said Esme. "_She's just... grieving, and bitter. Like you._"

"Oh, sorry," I said in my own voice. "Esme didn't say that out loud."

"_Jacob,"_ said Carlisle. "_Irina is no newborn, like Riley, or coward, like Victoria. She's over nine hundred years old, and she was a warrior even before she became a vampire, what the Norse called a shield maiden. She's their coven's best fighter, though Kate might be more dangerous because of her pain touch. Irina is as skilled as Jasper, maybe better."_

"_Not to put your boy down, Doc,"_ in a tone that put the lie to his words, "_but you ain't seen me fight."_

Carlisle nodded, unconvinced. "_You might still consider making it a double's fight. You have the right to fight alongside your second. I know werewolves fight much better in teams. The mind link makes you like the fingers of a fist."_

"_Yeah. I know," _Jacob said sarcastically.

"_On the other hand, her sister Kate is very deadly. If you touch her, your body will be wracked with pain. It typically knocks a vampire down for a full second. I don't know what it will do to a werewolf."_

_Great. Subject Quil to that, and maybe get him killed, so I can put Bella in even more pain and maybe kill another of her friends. No, thank you._

"Oh, sorry," I said. "He didn't say that out loud either. Some thoughts are so clear they sound like they're spoken."

"Excuse me, Edward, Rosalie, Bella," Jasper interrupted. "You guys don't need me right now, do you? The baby is still too small to phase. And she doesn't really even have moods for me to influence yet. Mind if I run some errands?"

"Oh, sure Jasper," Bella said. "I hate to be imposing on you."

"It's no imposition," he said. Then he was gone in a rush. I saw Bella blink. She wasn't used to seeing us move at full speed.

Rose and Bella both looked over at me, figuring that I would probably know what had made Jasper rush off. But in fact I didn't. My mind was very focused on the meeting six miles away. I stayed focused, as I dutifully relayed the details of Jacob's choices about the field of battle, and the rules for the duel. They were pretty formal and elaborate for what boiled down to going at each other tooth and claw.

The fight was set for the following Saturday in our baseball field. It wasn't really ours; it was in the national forest on neutral ground, which made it ideal for this purpose. Alice predicted a big storm, which would keep humans away and cover the sounds of the battle. It wouldn't keep Bella away; it would just make her cold and wet and miserable. But I guess it didn't really matter. We'd bundle her up. And she couldn't get any more miserable than she would be already.

Carlisle committed to finding a neutral referee. The wolves were suspicious of that, but agreed to it for lack of a better alternative. There would be a truce among all the factions for the day. There was even a chance that Victoria and Riley might take advantage of it and attend. That thought made my hands twitch eagerly and my teeth grind together, but if they showed, I would honor the truce – and I would listen to whatever they had to think.

The meeting broke up cordially. Billy asked to have a private word with Carlisle, so the others headed out.

But when Sam opened the door for Esme, I was surprised to see Jasper waiting outside the room.

"_Excuse me,"_ he said. "_If you all don't mind, I'd like a word in private with Jacob."_

"_Wait your turn, kid,"_ said Billy. He shooed Jacob out the door and wheeled himself over to shut it in his and Jasper's faces. I could not 'see' their expressions, focused as I was on Carlisle. But I would have liked to.

Billy didn't really have much to say to Carlisle. He just thanked him for his efforts and said that he hoped the Quileute and the Cullens would have better relations in the future—boilerplate stuff that he really could have said in front of the others; it might have even been good for Jacob to hear it. But then he pulled a small book from underneath the covers on his lap. It was one of those hard-bound blank books people use for keeping diaries. It had a post-it note on it that simply read "B & R".

Bella and Renesmee. It was gift for his granddaughter. Then he turned and wheeled himself out of the room.

Carlisle followed him out, leaving the room available for Jacob and Jasper. Carlisle gave Jasper a curious look as they passed in the hallway, but Jasper only shrugged.

The others left with a few curious glances of their own. For my part, I shifted my focus from Carlisle to Jasper. He was more difficult at that distance, attuned as I am to my father. But that was not entirely a bad thing. I wouldn't be 'hearing' anything that wasn't spoken.

"_So, this Irina is a friend of yours, huh?"_ asked Jacob.

"_Yes, she is."_

"_Well, if you're going to ask me to make it quick, I was already going to. If you want me to throw the fight... Sorry, I think I've got too much to live for right now. Ask me again if she chooses Eddie."_

Jasper smiled. "_Some friendly advice: I suggest you stick with 'bloodsucker' or 'leach'. He doesn't like to be called Eddie." _

I chuckled.

"_What? Will he challenge me to a duel?"_

"_No. But it will irritate him. And that will irritate her. Speaking as someone who's been with the same woman for sixty years, I can tell you that it's best not to irritate them."_

It was Jacob's turn to chuckle. "_It's worked for me so far." But I bet he's right,_ he thought. _Really irritating Edward _(and he drawled the name sarcastically) _wouldn't win me any points. Better stick to bloodsucker. She's used to that._

Those thoughts were surprisingly clear – as if they were intentionally directed at me. I rolled my eyes and let out a snort through my nose. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella do the same thing, and I know she wasn't copying me.

"_Anyway,"_ said Jasper, "_I was here to ask if you'd like to do some sparring. You've never fought a __vampire with her skill before. She and I have sparred many times. I know her fighting style."_

"_You're going to teach me how to kill your friend?"_ Jacob asked suspiciously. "_Why?"_

"_We should have been here. Killing Laurent was my job,"_ Jasper said simply.

"_Not Edward's?"_

"_No. He would have been too emotional about it. That kind of emotion is bad for the soul. But mostly, I just... look out for my little brothers. Like you did with Jared and Embry. We all heard about that, by the way. Good job."_

Jacob nodded, a polite acknowledgment of the praise.

"_I feel sorry for her,"_ said Jasper. "_She's blind with grief and rage. Saturday, she's either going to die honorably, or she's going to further dishonor herself, her family, and us. Let me help you, Jacob. At least, let me give you an idea what you're up against."_

"_Now?"_

"_No time like the present."_

"_Black's Bluff. It's private and secluded. The Pack uses it for practice all the time. I just need to let Sam know I'm giving a Cullen a pass to be on our land."_

"_I'm a Whitlock, actually. But these days I go by Jasper Hale."_

"_Well, come on then."_

The two left the lodge and cut into the nearby woods, where Jacob quickly phased. And the two of them took off for the reservation. Jacob was very good at moving quickly while staying out of sight, but Jasper moved through the woods like a shadow's ghost. Even Jacob had a hard time spotting or hearing him. Even I would have, I knew.

"They're going to fight?" Bella asked nervously.

"Boys will be boys," said Rose.

"You sound nervous, Bella. Why?" I asked.

"You don't think one of them might... lose his temper?"

"Jasper is very focused at times like these," I assured her.

"And Jacob's not likely to do any lasting harm," said Rose. "First, he'd have to manage to score a bite. And second, he'd have to make a fire. Two things I doubt wolf boy can do."

I didn't bother to chastise Rose for insulting Jacob. It wouldn't have done any good.

We listened to the fight, mostly from Jasper's perspective.

Jacob was good. I could hear the respect in Jasper's thoughts.

Jasper was better.

He was far more experienced. Quicker. More powerful. And more invulnerable. Jacob was bigger than a horse and stronger than an elephant. But Jasper, like all of us, was literally more powerful than a locomotive. And Jasper's whole body was a weapon. Whenever they collided in any way, Jacob came away hurt. The only weapons he had that were effective against a vampire were his teeth. But Jacob could hardly ever land a bite without taking a hit in the process.

Surprisingly, Jacob did get better when the other werewolves showed up to watch. With them there, he could see the fight from a half dozen angles at once. And the pack mind was smarter and faster than any of the individuals in it. Like computer processors working in parallel, they could consider several different lines of attack at the same time, and anticipate Jasper's attack before he even formulated it.

Sam was the most intelligent fighter and the biggest help to Jacob, but Quil had the best instinct for it. Neither of them could touch Jacob in overall prowess though. He had a combination of strength and speed, instinct and intellect that left the rest of the pack in awe.

But Jasper was still better.

They had been fighting for about four hours, taking only occasional breaks—mostly for Jasper to tell Jacob what he'd just done wrong—when Jacob saw an opening and took Jasper's right arm off, just below the elbow. Rose and Bella both gasped, but Bella's gasp turned into a cry, as I described Jasper's left-handed counter punch. It threw Jacob across the field and cracked two of his ribs.

For my part, I kept my emotions carefully in check. If I didn't, I'd lose my connection to Jasper. This was difficult to do, right at the edge of my range. And I felt that the less Bella saw of my conflicted feelings, the better. For both of us.

Two of the wolves, Paul and Leah ("Leah?" asked Bella. But I ignored her; I needed to focus.) they started to charge Jasper. Sam had to call them down using his alpha voice. I rendered the mental 'voice' as sound, as well as I could. I know I didn't do it justice, but I saw Bella's goosebumps and muscle tremors. And I 'heard' Rose's shock.

"_Sorry, Jacob,"_ said Jasper. "_I meant to check my blow better than that. Are you alright?"_

Jacob nodded, wincing.

One of the wolves came into the clearing and phased into Seth Clearwater.

"Seth?" Bella interrupted again. "Wow, Seth and Leah. When did that happen?"

I was surprised by Seth too, not by the fact that he was a werewolf, but by his thoughts. By the... extraordinarily kind nature of his mind. The other wolves were all grudgingly grateful for Jasper's help. But not Seth. There was nothing grudging in his gratitude. He saw Jasper's behavior as... natural, a confirmation of his belief that everyone, even vampires and demons, had good in them. It would have been easy to dismiss that as naiveté, but I could see that it was more. Seth was simply... good. Like Carlisle in many ways, or like Jacob, without his hatred and jealousy.

But then I wondered, was it Jacob's hatred and jealousy that kept him from being as good as Seth—or mine?

"_He'll need to stay wolf a few hours to heal from that"_ said Seth. "_We heal faster in wolf form."_

"_Very well,"_ said Jasper, calmly walking over and picking his arm up off the ground. He pressed it to his stump, where the two pieces stuck, but his arm still hung uselessly at his side. It would take him an hour or so for that to completely heal.

He turned back to Jacob and said, "R_emember, the fight isn't over just because you take a limb. Even decapitated, our bodies can still fight, though very uncoordinated. If you manage... That is, when you land a crippling blow, back away. Give her—or her second, in the case of decapitation—a chance to offer surrender in exchange for a quick death. If they don't, then carefully press your advantage. But don't ever get overconfident. The fight isn't over til the body is ash._

_Let me know when you are ready to practice more." _Then he turned and raced off to rejoin us.

**Bella:**

Alice came in then. She had been outside listening to Edward's narration, and at the same time, she tried to look for Victoria and Riley. Surprisingly, she had found them. They were in Denali, visiting Tanya's coven—and poisoning their hearts to us. None of us was happy about that news, but at least it meant she didn't know about Jasper helping Jake.

Alice looked at me, concerned. "I wanted to comfort you, when I heard Jacob get hurt," she said. She had been outside to be away from me. She had started getting headaches whenever we were too close, especially if she was trying to use her sight. The little werewolf inside me seemed to mess her up even more than the adults did.

"I wanted to comfort you, when I heard Jasper get hurt," I said.

"Oh, I knew Jake wouldn't do any permanent damage." She faked nonchalance, but I knew how much it pained her for Jasper to be out of her 'sight', for her to know he was in at least a little danger and be unable to see his future.

Plus I was pretty sure I'd heard a third, high, squealing gasp when Jasper lost his arm.

Jasper rejoined us a little later, and we headed back to the Cullens.

The book Billy gave to me and Renesmee was a transcript that Emily had made at the bonfire they had last week. Everyone who knew about the werewolves had been there—everyone except the vampires, of course, and me.

Billy had told the legends of how the wolves had come to be, tales that were handed down from generation to generation for hundreds of years. Emily had dutifully written everything down. One story in particular caught my attention. It was called The Tale Of The Third Wife.

A vampire had gotten the upper hand and was about to kill the last standing werewolf, the tribe's last protector. His wife—his third wife, werewolves lived a long time—managed to distract the vampire by plunging a knife into her own heart. The smell of blood and pain, the death cries of a wounded human, drove the vampire into a frenzy and distracted her enough for the werewolf to rally.

I knew I couldn't do something so blatant at the duel. But it got me thinking. Maybe there was some way I could distract Irina. I called Seth that evening. I hadn't talked to him in a while. He was a good bit younger than me, but I had known him his whole life. His father and Charlie had been best friends since before I was born. It was nice to have another friend in on the secrets.

Seth was eager to learn about the vampires. But I guarded what I said about them. The Cullens had some very good reasons to be secretive, and I had to respect them. Seth was obviously disappointed at my reticence, but we still had a good talk.

"Can I ask you something, Seth, about the pack mind link?"

"Well...," he drawled, "it's not like you've been miss gabby."

"This is important, Seth," I said. "How well can you keep a secret."

"Not very," he answered guardedly.

"I need to tell you something, but I don't want thoughts of it distracting Jake. Can you do that?"

Seth paused before he answered. "I can try."

That wasn't as good as I had hoped. But I decided to tell him as little as possible—and still tell him enough to be helpful.

I called Jake at our regular time. And he acted as cheerful as ever.

"So, did Scarface tell you about the heaping helping of humble pie he served me today?" he asked.

"I... Uh... Hey, wait. Scarface?" I asked, confused. Jasper had one of the most perfectly beautiful faces I'd ever seen.

"Jasper," said Jake, with a voice that said "duh." "The guy with like a hundred scars on his face?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, sorry. Sometimes I forget humans don't see very good," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh. So did Mr. Does-everything-better-than-a-human just discover that there's always someone better?" I asked, sounding maybe a little more bitter than I had intended. Having everyone around me do absolutely everything better than me did get old sometimes. And here was Jake, complaining that probably one of the best fighters in history was a little better at it than him.

"Sure, sure. I guess I deserved that," he said, sounding more like his regular self. "But Bella, this was humiliating! And it was fighting! The thing I'm supposed to be the best at! I mean, how would you like it if someone showed up who could... make me smile better than you can? Like that'll ever happen."

"Like I said, there's always someone better," I said, looking down at my belly. Someone gave be an obliging nudge.

It might sound surreal that we could joke about it, considering. But talking about his fighting skills was one thing; talking about the upcoming fight was another. Neither of us wanted to dwell on that.

"I can't believe they still won't let me see you!" he said.

That made my stomach clinch, earning me a well-deserved kick from Renesmee. "Just a little longer, Jacob," I pleaded. "I know it doesn't make any sense, and there are still things I can't tell you. But basically, it comes down to: Alice sees bad things happening if I see you right now. You've got to trust her, and trust me, just a little longer."

That was more than I had told him before, and it took him by surprise. Jake still felt betrayed by Alice, so it was going to take a while to rebuild the trust he had given her, back when she and he were guarding me together. But he knew how much I trusted her. And he knew that it wouldn't do any good to argue with me.

That week was brutal for both of us. Day after day, Jake got his head handed to him by Jasper. But, other than that one time, he never complained about it. He acted like it was all a fun game and showed no sign of fear. He showed no sign that he knew he was facing death in a few short days.

And all the while, I got fatter and weaker, and worried sick, and pregnant sick, and sick and miserable. I did not go back to school on Monday. I was sick.

Edward was angry with himself for ever letting me listen to that first fight. He didn't like giving me preview after preview of the horror that was coming. But I was like a drug addict, and he knew that it wouldn't help anything to cut me off now. I listened to the sessions. And I knew that the odds were not good.

Jacob was going to die because of me. Our daughter would never know her father. And the world would be a darker place. Because of me.

Carlisle wrote a note to the school. I had a bad flu. I'd be out for a week or so. Edward and Alice brought my assignments home with them. And then they did them for me.

I would not be going back to school anyway. Maybe I'd go to college next year. I couldn't think that far ahead. I couldn't think past Saturday. I saw the future leading up to the fight on Saturday, and then it just went dark. That must be how it was for Alice, when her future crossed paths with a werewolf.

As for Alice, I didn't see much of her for a few days. I wasn't very good company for anyone, but especially not for Alice. It's especially hard to listen do someone mope and whine when you've got a headache. But she did come to see me Wednesday evening.

"Bella?" she said, poking her head into my room where I was brooding, "Garrett will be here tomorrow evening at six thirty seven."

Garrett was the vampire who they planned to ask to referee the fight. He'd agree. We didn't need Alice to see that. Garrett was an adventurer who lived to see and do exciting and dangerous things. A fight between a top-tier vampire and her werewolf counterpart? He'd kill to see it—literally.

He also placed a high value on sportsmanship and fair play. So he was a good choice for referee. But he wasn't a 'vegetarian'. I wondered if any of the vampires, even the vegetarians, saw the irony there.

"I'm sure he won't hurt you or tell anyone about you," she continued. "You'll probably like him. He's very good natured."

I shook my head. I used to be up with the whole circle-of-life thing, but not right then. Right then, I was thinking about the brilliant light that was about to be snuffed out. My own sunshine. And I couldn't help but wonder how many other suns this Garrett had extinguished, for no better reason than thirst. "Just thirst," I remembered Laurent saying.

"Bella," she said in an abrupt change of subject, "Carlisle, Edward and I were talking about how our presence seems to be affecting the werewolves, and we had a thought. It's... well I don't want to get your hopes up too much, but I think we need to talk about it."

I looked up at that. "You have to have some hope before you can get your hopes up," I said.

Then I noticed how Alice looked. "Oh, Alice. What are you doing? You're in pain! Go away. Let Edward tell me about it."

She snorted. "You do realize that Edward's in more pain than I am right now, every time he's near you, don't you? Because of your scent, as well as from seeing you in so much pain yourself. It's an occupational hazard."

The fact that my scent, my presence, caused my family, especially Edward, pain was another inconvenient fact I usually tried not to think about. I sighed. "You're the best almost-sister ever," I said. "What might get my hopes up?"

She gave me a contemplative look, that made me think that her mind had wandered off the subject for a moment, before she answered: "Well, you know that we believe that being surrounded by vampires is what's causing the wolf gene to kick in so early with the baby. And we've noticed some other effects that also might be due to having so many vampires in the area. For one thing, there are a lot more wolves now than there have ever been before. Plus they're a lot bigger than their grandfathers were. And they're imprinting more often. That's another effect of their... magic, I guess you'd call it. It used to be so rare it was almost a legend. Now, three of the eight are already imprinted. At the rate they're going, they'll be all matched up in a year or so.

"Great," I said morosely, "if Jake doesn't get killed this Saturday, he'll probably imprint on someone. With my luck, he'll imprint on Tanya. Hey, if he imprints on Irina do you think she'll call off the fight?"

"Uh, no," she said, blinking at the thought. "I mean... Well, she might. But I don't think that will happen. Jacob's already found his mate; you're already carrying his child. And I don't think... And anyway that's not the point!" Well, she did have a headache. "I'm thinking more about the bigger and stronger part."

I just looked at her, confused.

Alice rolled her eyes at my obtuseness. "Saturday, Jacob will be surrounded by seventeen vampires, all focused on him. Seventeen! That's the largest group of vampires I've ever heard of, outside of Voltura, or a war."

Like my truck, I'm sometimes slow to get there, but I usually do get there, eventually. "Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed, "You think so many vampires might... supercharge him or something?"

"Maybe," she said. "Like I said, I don't want to get your hopes up. But it's possible."

"But it has a flip side," she added with a distinct change in tone, making me calm down and focus on what she was saying.

"I don't think you should be there." She looked pointedly at my belly.

Oh. That did make sense. But... "I have to be there."

"Bella..."

"Don't fight me on this, Alice. I hAve To BE THERE!"

I turned away from her and flopped onto my bed. I hoped she did not notice that my brief outburst had almost caused me to black out. I fell asleep hoping that.

The next evening, Edward was in my room with me when Garrett arrived. Rose was out hunting with Emmett at the time. She didn't like having black eyes when company was coming. Rose and I both agreed that there was no way Edward would do anything crazy this week.

Anyway, I wasn't as worried about that as I had been earlier. I think naming Renesmee early had been a good move on my part. Edward had seemed to... bond with her... ever since I had incorporated his parents' names into hers. And it wasn't just Edward; the Cullens were all in love with Renesmee. Even if she was a little wolf girl.

Even if she was going to kill me.

"Garrett is coming down the drive," said Edward, looking up from the chess board. He and I were in the middle of a game. It helped distract me a little from my troubles, and Edward liked playing chess with someone who's thoughts he couldn't read. I even managed to hold my own against him these days—if he spotted me a knight.

"Do you want to play fly on the wall?" he asked.

I nodded and tried to study the board.

"_Garrett, my old friend,_" Carlisle greeted him warmly, grasping his hand.

"_Carlisle! We shouldn't go so long._" His voice sounded friendly. "_I trust you're well. And your new family?_"

By that he meant Alice and Jasper. The last time he and Carlisle talked they had just joined the family. They really did have a lot of catching up to do.

Vampires past the century mark tended to get set in their ways. Few had phones, and very few had cell phones. The ad Carlisle had put in The Boston Globe had read: "Collins family reunion. A forks and knives affair, and steak blood-rare. Garrett please come."

Any of the Cullens' friends would recognize Collins, the vampire in 'Dark Shadows', as code for Cullens. Forks said where. Knives said fighting was involved. And blood-rare said it was urgent. And Garrett always read The Globe. He was very attached to Boston – having been one of the original minute men.

"_My family is well. Thank you,_" Carlisle assured him. "_But we do have a bit of an awkward situation._"

"_Having to do with the pregnant girl you have in the house?_" teased Garrett.

Carlisle laughed. "_Yes. Everything interesting around here these days has to do with Bella. I'm surprised you could smell the pregnancy, though. I've gotten so used to her I hardly even notice anymore._" In a more serious tone he added, "_Garrett, I trust I can rely on you're discretion._"

Garrett laughed again. "_Of course, Carlisle. Do you think I'd go running to the Volturi? Besides, plenty of covens have a trusted friend or servant or two."_

In a more serious tone, he added,_"I assume there is a health matter, for her to be here in her condition; but Carlisle, you must get the baby away, as soon as it's born. You know that, don't you?_"

"_I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that,_" said Carlisle. "_But what I called you for is straightforward enough—mostly. One of our friends has challenged another to a duel. They need an impartial referee._"

"_Oh,_" said Garrett, disappointment evident. "_I thought it would be something interesting. And what has this got to do with the girl? Are they fighting over her?_"

"_Not exactly. The challenged party is the father. But the fight has little to do with the girl or the baby. The challenger, an ancient named Irina, just wants revenge. He killed her mate._"

"_The... father?_" Garrett mused. "_And now he's become immortal!?_" His voice became agitated, shocked. "_Carlisle! What are you thinking? I promised discretion, but some things..._"

Carlisle had explained the rule that had Garrett so upset to me. A parent who became a vampire had to stay far away from his or her children – or he might be tempted to turn them. This was especially true for newborn vampires, who could not be trusted to think clearly. "_Peace, Garrett._" Carlisle said. "J_acob is an immortal, of sorts, but he is not a vampire."_

"_Not a vampire? And he's going to fight one?"_

"_I told you it was complicated. But don't worry; we're not about to create an immortal child, or let a newborn have a newborn of his own. Oh, excuse me Garrett; I'm afraid we'll have to talk more later. That's Bella's father, Charlie Swan, and he is not in the know. Let Jasper show you to the guest house. Esme and I have some important business to discuss with Charlie._"

"What's that about?" I asked Edward.

"Carlisle heard your father's car coming up the drive."

"I guessed that much, Edward. I meant what kind of business do they have to discuss."

"You'll need to go down to the den to find out," he said. He stood and helped me up, but I could see from his blank expression that I wasn't going to get any more out of him.

Charlie was already in the den when I got there. He was having a beer with Carlisle and Esme. They sipped. Something was odd, though, and it took me a moment to realize what it was: there was no game on. Charlie had been over every night since he found out I was expecting. And he always watched a game. It wasn't that he was antisocial – that was his way of _being_ social.

"Hey, Dad," I said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, Isabella." Dad looked as confused and curious about what was up as I was.

"Bella," said Esme, "Carlisle and I have something we want to discuss with you and Charlie."

"Oh?"

"Yes," said Carlisle, "Alice tells us that last night you called her your almost-sister."

Alice poked her head in the doorway and stuck her tongue out at me. Then she was gone again before Charlie could see her. I didn't know what was going on. It was like she had tattled on me, but I didn't know what for. Strange.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Well, it hurt her feelings," said Esme. "Alice doesn't think of you as an almost sister. She thinks of you as a sister, the same as Rose."

"Oh!" I said, surprised. "I feel the same way. It's just.. well, you know."

"Exactly," said Esme. "It's a bit awkward having an almost-sister or almost-daughter. It doesn't seem right. You're as much a part of our family as Alice, who's adopted, or Rose, who's technically a ward. We just want that understood."

"You trying to adopt my daughter, Esme?" asked Charlie. His voice made it only halfway joking.

"Yes," said Esme, taking Charlie and me aback.

"What?" we both asked at once. Me squeaking, and Charlie practically shouting.

Esme took it in stride. "We're not trying to take her away from you, Charlie, any more than you're taking Alice away from us. Alice considers you her second father, you know."

Charlie blushed and was a bit mollified. "Well, I'm not adopting her," he groused. "Got enough mouths to feed."

Esme giggled.

"Bella is blessed with many families," said Carlisle. "Yours. Renee and Phil's. Soon I expect she'll be part of Billy Black's. And of course she and Jacob are starting their own as well. We just hope she has room for one more. We want her to be a part of our family too."

I saw Dad scowling and obviously embarrassed. He was even worse than I was at this kind of sentimental stuff. And I wasn't really sure what they were getting at myself. That they loved me? I already knew that. "Of course, Carlisle," I said sincerely. "Charlie knows that I think of you as my second family. Don't you Dad?"

He grumbled his ascent.

"That's wonderful!" said Esme. "But, uh... My, but this is awkward. The thing is, we want it a little more official. We have some papers that sort of officially make you part of our family."

"It's an official, legal adoption," said Carlisle. "There's a lot of legalese; but, most importantly, if anything were to happen, they say that we are Renesmee's grandparents, as much as Charlie or Renee or Billy is."

"What?" Charlie objected.

"Charlie," said Esme, placing her hands in his. I hoped the coldness didn't bother him. "We're not... We want to be more than just family friends. We want to be family. This will not, in any way, take anything away from you. Renesmee will have five grandparents already: you, Rene, Phil, Billy – and Sarah, Jacob's mother, who I had the pleasure of meeting years ago. If you and Billy both remarry some day, she will have seven. Two more won't hurt anything. But this will give us equal rights, visiting rights and the like, if there are any problems."

She looked at me nervously, biting her lower lip. Now I understood. They wanted official standing when and if the grandparents started fighting over the baby.

Jacob was probably going to die in two days, and it was very possible that I would die in childbirth. This was a very high-risk pregnancy, and we all knew it. The Cullens weren't being ghoulish about it, but they were being practical.

It was a little like the situation with me and Jacob. I loved Jacob, but if I wasn't having his baby, we might have stayed just very, very close friends, instead of becoming – more. The Cullens loved me, but if I wasn't having Renesmee, they might have been satisfied with me being just a very close family friend too.

But they desperately wanted a baby, especially Esme and Rosalie. So now they wanted, and even needed, me to be a part of their family – just like I needed Jacob to be a part of mine.

But what about Charlie? What was this doing to him?

"Can I talk to you two alone for a minute?" I said. I started to get up to take them into the kitchen.

"No, you guys stay here," said Charlie gruffly. "Sounds like Jasper's watching the Mariners in the library." He went to join Jasper and closed the door behind him.

"You can't take his granddaughter from him," I pleaded. "If I'm gone, he's going to need her!"

Esme encouraged me to sit back down, and she sat down beside me on the couch. "Of course we're not going to take her from him, Bella. And plan A is still for you and Jacob to raise her, of course. This is just... insurance. But, if the worst happens, we might ask for primary custody."

"Renesmee will be a supernatural creature, Bella," said Carlisle, putting the brakes on my objections. "And Charlie would have a hard time raising a daughter on his own, even if she were perfectly normal."

"If," said Esme, "well, if it came to that, then Billy would likely get custody, anyway. He could probably take care of her better. He has more experience raising children, he has more time, and he has the whole tribe behind him. But, like Charlie, he would still have a hard time raising a supernatural daughter on his own. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked Sam and Emily to raise her, rather than trying to do it himself. They're good people, and Jacob's as much a part of their family as you are a part of ours. Carlisle and I think that might be for the best. But if we have no legal standing..."

They'd be cut out completely. The next time they saw her, she'd be a grown werewolf – one who thought of them as the monsters who killed her mother.

Yeah, they needed this. And I needed to make a will.

"You're going to make sure that no one gets left out," I said fervently, "especially not Charlie. He's... he's the best dad. And I... wasn't there like I should have been." I was suddenly feeling very guilty for the summers and Christmases I had refused to come to Forks. Two weeks at the beach were all I had given him, when he should have gotten the whole summer and a week at Christmas.

"One way or another, he will be a part of her life," said Esme. "But we need to be prepared for anything. Jacob has gone from barely sixteen years old to physiologically twenty six, in just over three months. That's about three years per month. If Renesmee follows that pattern... Well, if – a few months from now – we were to adopt another teenager, no one will be surprised when we insist on making Charlie her godfather. He might not know that she's really his own granddaughter, but he'll feel it. We'll make sure of that."

I nodded. Cover stories. The Cullens were experts at them. They had to be.

"Did you really know Sarah Black?" I asked.

"Sort of. I met her once, though she was Sarah Ateara then. She was only one year old at the time. We exchanged playful smiles during a formal treaty renewal. Goodness, the way her parents reacted, you'd think I'd tried to bite her." She laughed at the memory.

We asked Dad to come back in at the next commercial. And Carlisle and Esme got the adoption papers.

"This one," said Esme pushing a tax-code-sized stack at me and showing me where to sign, "makes Carlisle and me Renesmee's grandparents, with all rights and privileges thereof. This one makes Carlisle the executor of your estate. And this one makes him the executor of your living will."

Charlie winced at that, but I didn't bat an eye. We needed to be prepared, and if it came to that, I didn't want Charlie or Renee to be the ones who had to make the really hard decisions. They would be hurting enough already. Carlisle would be hurting too, but he was used to outliving his human friends. If it came to that, he was the best choice.

I signed and initialed where she pointed.

"These," she pushed the final set of papers at me. These were professionally bound and had the logo of PriceWaterhouse Coopers on them, "just add you to the children's trust fund."

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"You're part of the family now," said Carlisle casually. "It wouldn't make any sense to include the others and leave you out."

I started to object.

"Now, Bella," Esme Chided. "You don't want to hurt Alice's feelings again. Do you?"

"Alice?"

"You know that a lot of this money comes from her," explained Carlisle. That wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't precisely the truth either. Alice's gift for picking stocks had multiplied Carlisle's existing fortune—by a lot. "So, how could we include the others and leave out her favorite sister? She'd have me removed as executor!"

"Bella," said Esme, "the only people who will miss this money in the slightest are the suits at PWC. It doesn't reduce any of our payments; it just means they have a little less principal to play with."

Principal Alice could easily replenish if she felt the need. As I thought about it, it really didn't make any sense to turn it down. I looked at the amount that was being deposited into my bank account and said, "whoa!"

It was a lot of money. But actually, considering the way the Cullens burned the stuff, I was a little surprised that it wasn't more. I wasn't disappointed, of course, just surprised.

"The normal disbursement is on November first, in time for Christmas shopping," Carlisle explained.

"You mean this is every year!?" I practically yelled.

"No, this is pro-rated for the first ten months," said Carlisle. "The normal disbursement is on November first. And there's a form to get an advance for extraordinary expenses, if you need it—buying a house, having a baby, getting married, that sort of thing."

My mouth gaped like a carp. Charlie looked around the room, pointedly not looking at the paper. He didn't even want to know. I looked again. He really didn't want to know.

The week seemed to drag on forever, but Saturday came much too soon – just like I knew it would. The storm Alice predicted hit about 12:00; it would cover the sounds of battle, and my raincoat would cover my bulging belly. The rain would also help cover Renesmee's scent. But Esme also sprayed me with a foul-smelling concoction. (It smelled a little like a wet dog.) And we headed to the meadow in Emmett's truck.

We got there early. But the Denali coven was already there, plus Victoria and Riley who were taking advantage of the safe passage. The temporary truce allowed them to attend the duel with no fear that either the Cullens or the Pack would attack them. I was surprised and even grudgingly impressed that they had the nerve to take advantage of it. I couldn't help glaring at them, but the rest of the Cullens pointedly ignored them. Rosalie, Edward and Emmett formed a protective triangle around me, while Carlisle and Esme tried again to talk Irina out of this. She would hardly even look in our direction. Alice and Jasper stood a short way apart from the rest of us, but I could still feel Jasper's influence keeping me and the baby calm.

"She won't budge," Edward said to me. "Eleventh century concept of honor meets a vampire's fierce devotion to her mate." He shook his head.

Peter and Charlotte showed up a short time later. The Cullens greeted them pleasantly and introduced them to Garrett. I was sitting in a patio chair that Emmett had carried for me. It had a matching umbrella that gave me some protection from the wind and the rain. There was also a lightning rod planted a few feet away—at Edward's insistence. I stayed in my seat while the introductions were made. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I could barely stand even if I wanted to. I also wasn't in the mood to be friendly.

And, if I had gotten up right then, I might have given something away. The storm helped hide Renesmee. But Renesmee was kicking up a little storm of her own.

Alice was staring into space, then I saw her slump a little and shake her head. I knew that look. Her vision had just gone out.

"They're coming," Edward said. "Jasper."

"I'm ready," he answered.

A special peace treaty was in effect, but both vampires and werewolves were very high-strung. Jasper would help keep everyone calm. He would not interfere with the combatants though.

The wolves came marching into the clearing, reminding me of the opening procession at the Olympics. Sam and Jared were in front, followed by Embry and Paul, then Jacob and Quil. Seth and Leah brought up the rear. Jacob and Quil were the only ones in human form. I noticed Jacob had cut his hair very short. Jasper had recommended that. It gave Irina less to grab.

Quil was Jacob's second. He carried a large gym bag and a huge umbrella like the one I was under. It looked awkward, but I knew Quil was several times stronger than a human. I was surprised to see them stop in front of Victoria and Riley and start talking to them. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Edward relayed.

"_Hey, Vicky!_" Jacob greeted her warmly, like they were old friends. "Y_ou want to join us? How __'bout you, Riley? Leah was just saying how hard it is to find a fourth for mixed doubles. Not scared of a girl, are you?_"

Riley liked the idea, but Victoria held him back. "_We're here to see the dog put down,_" she said to him, "_not to play with it._"

_"Seriously, guys," _Jacob added in a more sincere tone, _"your friend knows the honorable way to settle these things. Tell you what, me and Quil here against all three of you. Now that's fair. More than fair. We're not as strong as you are, or as invulnerable. We're probably not even as smart. The only thing we've got that you don't is... courage."_

Riley bristled, but Victoria held him firm. So Jacob upped the ante. He pulled a metal box out of the gym bag. _"Act now, and I'll throw in this handy back scratcher and chew toy." _He pulled something out of the box – something pale, that he had to work to hold on to, like a flopping fish. I couldn't see it clearly, but I knew what it was: Riley's hand, which he had lost in his earlier fight with Jacob. It wiggled and struggled in Jacob's grasp. He demonstrated its use as a back scratcher, being careful not to let it grab his robe.

_"It's great for picking dingle berries too," _he added. Riley quivered in fury, but Victoria held him tight and otherwise sat like a statue.

Jacob shook his head and walked away. _"How embarrassing to be you,"_ he said without turning to look back.

Emmett laughed. The rest of us looked at him like he was laughing at a funeral. "Oh, come on!" he said. "Give the kid his due."

We all let out a quick laugh then. Even most of the Denali coven chuckled or snorted.

"Even Irina can barely suppress a grin," said Edward. "She's pleased to think that she'll have a worthy – or at least brave – opponent."

Yeah, I was proud of him. But on this narrow point I actually agreed with Victoria – I'd rather have a live lover than a dead hero.

Jacob and Quil walked into the center of the field. Jake wore a milk chocolate satin robe that would nicely match his fur color. I realized with a start that it would also match my eyes. He loosened the sash, took a deep breath, and phased. The robe flew off him and fluttered to the ground.

Jake didn't look much like the friendly wolf god I had seen at the grotto. He wasn't so fluffy, for one thing. But it was more than that. He was bigger! Bonier. Fiercer. His eyes were like amber flames. His teeth were like daggers. Being surrounded by vampires _had_ effected him. He was frightening! I guess the other wolves weren't effected as much because they were already phased – plus they weren't pumped up for a fight. And they weren't the focus of all the vampires.

I was thrilled.

"Are you alright?" asked Edward, misinterpreting my expression.

I glanced over at him. Did he hope that I would be frightened by Jacob?

"Don't worry," I said, "you're still the scariest." I kissed the air in his direction.

I heard Jacob's low, rumbling chuckle. He was echoed by Edward's own brothers and sisters. I thought it was a shame Edward couldn't blush.

I looked at Jacob. "Don't get cocky," I said, knowing that he could hear my soft voice, even over the rain – and thirty yards away. "You might have taken your super energy pill, but you're still the underdog."

Jacob chuckled again, and some of the wolves howled: "A oow, a oow, a oo oo oo, a oow."

They harmonized well. I guess a mind link will do that for you.

Quil began preparing Jacob for battle. First, he greased Jacob down. "Warm pig grease," Edward explained. "It will make it harder for her to grab him.

Brace yourselves."

That was for my sibling's benefit. Quil opened a package of human blood, and poured that on Jacob. War paint, they called it, but everyone knew what it was for – to wreck Irina's concentration. Jasper had given it to Jacob, assuring him it was lawfully obtained. Alice had picked it, and Carlisle bought it from the local blood bank. It was not as appealing to Irina as mine was to Edward, but it was much more than just typical human blood to her.

When Quil finished he took a few steps back from Jacob and phased himself. He looked a little bigger than most of the others, but not as big as Jacob. I supposed that it mattered that Jacob was the focus of the vampires' attention. Or maybe it was just that when werewolves got pumped up, they _really_ got pumped up. I didn't know, and I didn't care. I was just glad for any advantage Jacob might have.

Irina walked out on the field to face Jacob from a few dozen yards away. She wore a gold jumper that matched her eyes. That was a good sign; feeding on human blood would have made her stronger, but also would have turned her eyes red. She had not broken the diet she had kept for over a hundred years. I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of her for that, even at the same time that I was glad she had given Jacob one more edge.

If she was affected by the blood, she didn't show it. She was the picture of serenity. And she was gorgeous. Maybe Rosalie was prettier. Maybe. Her hair glistened like silver. Her skin was like mother of pearl. She was tall and lithe, and she walked more gracefully than anyone I had ever seen—that was even counting the Cullens.

She and Jacob looked so mismatched, the beautiful goddess and the filthy giant hell hound.

Garrett checked that they were both ready. And they both nodded their ascent. And, with a signal from him, they began to circle each other, looking for an opening. A few seconds later, Jacob was on her in a rush that was too fast for me to follow. And they were apart again just as quickly.

A soft yelp escaped from Jacob. He had gotten the worst of the exchange.

Again and again they clashed. And it seemed to take Jacob just a little longer to recover each time.

It was just like the practices with Jasper.

"She's even better than I knew," said Jasper. "I guess a thousand years of experience counts for something. And Jacob's stronger than he was, but he's also still getting used to his new size. It might actually be more hindrance than help."

I knew then that it was time for me to act. Jacob was going to die if I didn't do something. He'd probably die anyway, I admitted to myself – the only idea I had was pretty lame. But there was only one thing I could do. Two things: First, I prayed. Then I whispered one word to Edward, "Seth?"

I hadn't discussed this idea with Jacob. I didn't want to distract him with what was, after all, just a hail Mary play. But at the same time I wanted him to be ready to take advantage of it if it worked. One good thing about the pack's mind link was that if even one of his brothers (or sister) was ready, he was ready.

"Yes," Edward whispered back. Seth was ready.

I walked counter to the direction Jacob and Irina were circling. I wanted just the right position. I opened my raincoat as I walked.

I wanted to show Jacob that he had a reason to fight. That was part of it. But there was another, much more important, reason for what I was doing.

"Jacob!" I yelled. "Fight! You have something worth fighting for! This is your baby! Our daughter!"

I lifted my shirt and showed him my belly. I tried to look as proud as I felt, but that was hard to do. I was at my physical and mental limits. I could collapse at any time.

"Her name is Renesemee Carlie Black!" I shouted with pride and desperation. This had to work. It just had to.

"Renesmee!" I repeated. And I stressed the second syllable.

Jacob turned his head to look at me in wonder. Again I prayed. They don't call it a hail Mary play for nothing. One part strategy, three parts prayer.

Jacob might fight a little harder, knowing that he had something so important to fight for, but it was the effect on Irina that I was really counting on. Vampires didn't have many weaknesses. Just one that I knew of.

They were easily distracted.

Jacob had to turn his head almost ninety degrees to see me clearly. I thought Irina might lunge for him then, but she didn't. Instead, she turned to look at me too. I think it was Renesmee's name, sounding so much like her best friend's, that got her attention. Her head turned just the barest bit.

And she was lost.

Irina had forgotten one thing about the werewolves. Or maybe she never knew it. Jake didn't just have two eyes. He had sixteen. His own, and his whole pack's. Whatever they saw, Jacob saw. And while his two eyes were focused on me, seven other sets of eyes were focused squarely on Irina: Sam, Jared, Quil, Embry, Paul, Seth and Leah. And all of them were waiting for her to make a mistake like that one.

Irina brought her arms up to fend off Jacob's attack. But this time she was a fraction of a second too late.

His gigantic maw took both her arms at once – her right arm, just below her elbow, her left arm, just above her wrist. And, as quickly as he was in, he was away from her again; Jasper never had to teach Jacob the same lesson twice. He walked over to where his robe lay on the ground and gently dropped the lifeless limbs onto it.

He was showing her courtesy that she didn't deserve, but I was glad to see it. And I was even more glad to see that it was reciprocated. There was no fight in the detached limbs – or in Irina. She stood perfectly still, a dozen or so yards away from Jacob, still beautiful and serene, like the Venus De Milo.

Garrett walked out on the field and looked at Irina. She nodded to him once. No words were spoken between them, or needed. "She yields!" he said.

It was over. Irina was honorable; she wouldn't try anything now. It was over. Tears and rain streamed down my face, and I smiled at my beloved sunshine.

Garrett walked up to Jacob. "Let your comrades get the fire high and hot," he said. "And If you smash her head first, she will not feel the flames."

"No!" I cried and rushed out on the field. Renesmee kicked hard and I almost fell, but I got within a dozen yards of them before Edward stopped me.

"No, Bella," he said firmly. "They're still on edge."

"No," I cried. "Don't do it. Jacob, don't do it. Show her mercy."

Jacob glared at me with baleful eyes.

"It was a dirty trick, Jacob," I said. "I'd do it again, a hundred times over, but it was a dirty trick. Please. Please don't make Renesmee help kill Esme's friend."

Then my little girl kicked me so hard it felt like it almost split my side. I half doubled over in pain, but I never took my eyes off Jacob. And even though I was in pain, I felt a certain peacefulness. Jasper? Or just knowing I was doing the right thing? I smiled wanly as I sank to my knees.

Jacob phased. One second, a giant wolf loomed. The next, a man stood there, surrounded by the blood and filth that, for a half-second longer, still held the wolf's form like an after-image. It imploded into a cloud of mist, as Jacob rushed up to me. He knelt beside me, ignoring Edward, and we cradled our heads on each other's shoulders. "Bella. Bella," he chanted. And I couldn't feel the pain, though I knew it was still there. I wasn't aware of anything but him.

After a short time, we looked up. Kate and Tanya stood just a few feet away, a little apart from Garrett and Jasper. As soon as Jake looked at them, Tanya spoke: "Our immortal lives and honor, if you will spare our sister!" Then they each fell to one knee in unison, bowing their heads and holding their right fists over their hearts.

I almost laughed. It was just so... corny. But these women had come of age in a very different time than today. I held my tongue and smiled.

"No!" Irina shouted. "I've lost enough honor for one immortal lifetime. I will not beg for my life."

"Then will you honor your sisters' sacrifice? Their vows?" asked Tanya.

Irina locked eyes with her for a moment. Then she bowed her head and kneeled as well.

"Jacob?" asked Garrett. "How do you decide?"

Jacob looked up at him and said, "I'm... satisfied."

He buried his head against my shoulder again and repeated, "I'm satisfied."


	9. Hearts, Bones and Bad News

**Hearts, Bones and Bad News**

_I'll take Things That Break for a thousand._

I knelt there in the mud, holding Jacob, as he held me. For a minute, my physical pain was forgotten. But only for a minute. Then it started forcing its way back into my awareness. I shifted my weight a little and let out a gasp, as a sharp pain stabbed into my belly. It felt like someone had kicked me—hard—with a steel-toed boot, maybe with a knife in it for good measure. Jake pulled back to look at me, and the motion caused another jab of pain. I grimaced.

Carlisle, Edward and Rosalie all rushed up to me. Edward and Rose deferred to Carlisle for instructions. "Jacob," he said, "let me get her into Emmett's truck and back to the house. It sounded like she might have cracked a rib."

Jake looked from me to Carlisle and back to me in obvious confusion. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Irina interrupted. "My Lord Jacob," she said formally. "Bella is in the best possible hands with Carlisle, and there is an urgent matter I must discuss with you."

"What? No. I've got to tend to Bella!" Jacob's look and tone alternated between confused, angry and concerned. He refused to even look at Irina. His eyes darted frantically back and forth between me and Carlisle instead.

Despite my pain, Irina's words caught my attention—even more when I heard Edward's unmistakable gasp. Whatever Irina wanted to say, it must have been important. Edward doesn't gasp very often. I looked up and saw Edward say something to Irina. I could barely hear him. And I couldn't understand what I could hear. To me it just sounded like he was imitating a fly or a bee. Sometimes the whole speed-talking thing was really irritating, but I guess it was useful.

Irina must have said something important because Edward darted off so fast that he seemed to just vanish. My eyes couldn't react to such a sudden motion close by, but I looked around and saw him racing across the meadow towards Victoria and Riley.

"Jake," I said softly, managing not to groan or wince, "listen to Irina."

"Ten minutes ago she was trying to kill me! And I've got to get you to the hospital!"

The light rain collected in Jake's hair and ran down his face like tears and sweat. Some of it dripped onto my own face, and it was salty. I didn't want to hurt him any more. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and let him take care of me. But I knew Edward wouldn't have run off like that if it wasn't important. For him to leave, when he saw me in pain... We must have been in even more danger than I knew.

In saving Jake, had I doomed us all? I needed to know!

"I'm not leaving until I hear what Irina has to say." I set my jaw in a rigid frown. This was no time for long discussions.

Jake stared angrily at me for just a moment before he accepted that there was no point arguing with me. "What?" he snapped to Irina.

"The newborn's hand," she said, "it puts everyone you know in danger! The Volturi will not allow such a thing to remain in human possession—an undying hand that can be shown, and studied... If they hear of this, they will kill every human who has even come near it. You must get rid of it. Trade it back to Riley or destroy it – here, now, with witnesses."

Could that be all it took to keep us safe? Was the carnage that Alice saw in her visions caused, not because the Volturi wanted to wipe out all werewolves, but simply because they wanted to destroy all physical evidence of the existence of vampires?

"Is that what Edward meant about getting the best deal he could?" Jake asked.

I was surprised Jake could follow that much of Irina and Edward's conversation. I couldn't understand a word of it. From the look on her face, Irina was surprised too. She nodded.

"No. Burn the damn thing."

"Jake," I said weakly, no longer trying to hide my pain, "you don't know how much danger we're in. Let Edward make a deal. Please. I'll tell you as much as I can, as soon as I can. I promise."

I'm not sure if I finished that last word. I was so exhausted. But I heard Jake say, "Fine."

He raised his voice just a little, to be heard from a distance over the rain and other voices. But really that was just out of habit. I'm sure everyone there heard every word we said, even my softest whispers. "Quill, give Eddie the stupid claw."

My mouth might have twitched in the direction of a grin. I'd have to remember to fuss at him later for calling Edward Eddie though. Jasper was right about that. Insults are one thing, diminutives are another. If Jake and Edward started talking to and about each other that way, they wouldn't just hate each other, they'd really start to dislike each other. I couldn't have that.

Rose, Carlisle and Jacob carried me to Emmett's truck. I felt my legs gently rock as Jacob carried them, and that was the only sensation of motion I felt until they put me in the back seat. Then there was the barest rolling feeling under my back, as they shifted me a bit. Now, Emmett was holding my head and shoulders, Rose my torso and Carlisle my legs. Jacob got in the front beside Jasper. I was surprised Jasper was driving Emmett's truck; he hates for anyone else to drive it. But then I realized they didn't want Jasper holding the 'injured prey'.

Carlisle supported my legs with just one arm, letting my feet rest on the door's armrest. That left his right hand free to examine me, and I felt his fingers lightly prod my belly as the truck roared to life.

"Are you alright, Son?" Carlisle asked Jasper while he examined me.

"I'm focused, Father," Jasper responded.

I heard Jake gasp. He said in an anxious whisper, "I smell blood. You've got to get away from her!" I could sense his tension, and for moment I was afraid he was going to phase right there in the truck.

"Chill, dude," said Emmett, "she doesn't even smell that good these days." He looked down at me in his lap. "Still looks tasty, though."

He snapped his teeth together playfully. I heard Rose give a low growl, but I could see that she was teasing too.

"It's alright, Jacob," Carlisle reassured him. "We're all focused. And the bleeding is minimal. I think she just broke a few blood vessels in her womb. We'll know for certain after I get an X-ray. Jasper, how are they doing?"

"The baby was frightened earlier, but they're both calm now," said Jasper. Despite his calming influence, I got excited when I heard that. My baby had moods! She wasn't just a potential any more. She was becoming a person! I saw Jasper's lips turn up. I could just barely see his profile through the gap between the front seats, and his eyes seemed to sparkle in response to my excitement.

I felt myself moving a little as ee drove over the roadless terrain. Even my human, or rather superhuman, shock absorbers couldn't completely cancel all the truck's motions, but there were no jarring bumps, just a gentle rocking. _I could get used to this,_ I thought.

"What's wrong with her?" Jake asked in a pleading voice. "Why is she sooo pregnant? And where are we going? Shouldn't you take her to the hospital?"

"No." Carlisle answered his last question first. "We have everything she needs at the house. Secrecy is still important—for Bella, as much as for us. But the time for secrets from you has passed. You're welcome to come inside, and we'll tell you as much as we can."

"I apologize in advance for the smell," he added with a small grin.

"_He_ should apologize," Rosalie muttered. But we all ignored her.

"Have I doomed us all, Carlisle?" I asked. I hoped that returning Riley's hand would be enough to defuse the situation, but something inside me said that it wouldn't be that simple.

"You did the right thing," he assured me. "You couldn't sacrifice Jacob. And Edward might be able to get as much or more for that hand than anything we might have gained otherwise. Plus Jacob has gained strong allies—more than allies—with Tanya's coven. All in all, I don't think we could have hoped for a better outcome."

His words were hopeful, and his tone reassuring. But knowing as much as I did, I thought it sounded a little flat, like whistling through the grave yard. I was glad that, with less information, Jake probably felt more reassured. He'd be disabused of that soon enough. Then I remembered that Jake didn't even know enough about the danger to know that he needed reassuring in the first place. Lucky him. The logical part of me, the part that could still think past Carlisle's calm reassurances and the soothing effect of Jasper's talent, said that we were doomed. Victoria would run straight to the Volturi.

_Oh Jacob_, I thought, _what have I done?_

I had a pretty good idea how he would react when he learned what being surrounded by vampires was doing to his baby. That would be hard enough. But how could I even begin to tell him that everyone he knew and loved was in mortal danger? That I had put them all in danger – by making friends with vampires. I was actually glad that I was in so much physical pain. If I hadn't been, I think I might have faked it.

As it was, I tried as hard as I could not to let it show. Ironic, huh?

Jacob sat silently. But I was afraid he was about to repeat his other questions.

I wanted a little more time to work up some answers. I hoped I could at least get my x-rays, and some food before I started the next Jeopardy match; I was about to pass out from hunger, as well as from pain. Coward that I was, I thought that might be nice – let someone else deal with the angry werewolf. But mostly, I just wanted to delay the hard questions for as long as I could.

"Will Esme and Alice meet us at the house?" I asked no one in particular.

"They might be a while. They're talking with Jake's new pack," Emmett answered cheerily.

"Or do you prefer coven?" he added.

I saw the seat in front of me tremble, and I worried that Emmett might have pushed Jake over the edge. Sometimes he doesn't know when to shut up. But then the car stopped, and I found myself seeming to float into the house and up to Carlisle's examining room. "Rose," I said, looking up at her. "I'm about to pass out from hunger."

"Steak, blood rare?" she asked. I'd been eating a lot of that the past few days. I guess that's what you should expect when you're expecting a werewolf.

"Maybe just drain off some blood and give me that," I said. "I don't know if I have the strength to chew." I know it sounds awful, but it's really not that bad. There's a tribe in Africa that practically lives on ox blood. And they're very healthy.

Jake looked at me in horror. "It's just a craving," I assured him. "I'm not becoming a vampire."

"Although," I added, "I think our little werewolf likes blood just about as much as they do—and _animal_ blood even better than they do. But don't worry. I'm sure that, unlike them, she'll graduate to solid food soon enough."

"But..." Jake stammered, "we don't become werewolves until we're teenagers!"

I looked up at him and winced. Even thinking about telling him this was painful. There was just no easy, or even safe, way to do it. I was lying flat on my back, on Carlisle's examining table. I thought that might help a little – that I looked so pitiful. I thought Jasper in the next room, watching us through the leaded glass and guiding our emotions, might help even more.

"Step back, Jacob," said Carlisle. "I need to take an x-ray."

Jake stepped back woodenly, but he didn't get behind the radiation shield. Neither did Carlisle. He just asked me to hold still a moment and pushed a button on eht machine. Then Jacob came back over to me, while Carlisle went to develop the x-ray. I didn't feel anything from the x-ray, of course. I don't know why I'm always expecting to feel something. It's stupid, considering how many times I've been x-rayed.

I took Jake's left hand in both of mine, and he reflexively started stroking my hair with his right. I must really look a sight to illicit that kind of reaction when I'm obviously about to tell him something upsetting. Well, I'd take any help I could get. "It hit her early," I said. I squeezed his hand, as I saw his face begin to darken. It didn't take him long to guess why – vampires, she was surrounded by vampires. "I know," I pleaded. "I know. And I hate to put it all on you at once, but I don't think we have time to worry about the things that are already done."

"No. We don't." Edward's voice came from the doorway. I turned my head a little to look at him and couldn't help smiling when I saw him. I was always glad to see Edward, even more so lately. It was a week smile though; I was having a hard time staying conscious. And Edward didn't look so goo. He looked exhausted. Vampires never look exhausted. He had bad news. Riley's hand hadn't been enough.

Jake didn't give him the chance to tell it to us though. He whipped around and shouted: "This is all your fault!"

"I know," said Edward, hanging his head. "That's why I left. But you're right; I never should have gotten close to her in the first place. I have endangered her from day one."

I narrowed my eyes. "You left off the part about how I would already be dead if you hadn't been there to save me," I said slowly and clearly. "Over and over, you saved me. Both of you."

"Jacob, at least Edward has had the good grace to be grateful for the times you've saved me—from drowning, from Laurent, from Victoria, from loneliness and despair. Have you ever thanked Edward for saving me—from Tyler's van, from those thugs in Port Angeles, from James, from … loneliness and despair? And now he's putting his whole family in danger to protect not just me but your daughter and your whole tribe. You have no idea how much danger they're in, Jacob. I'm sorry to spring it on you, but they are. And the whole Cullen family is in danger too. They're putting themselves in danger for us!"

"I don't understand," said Jake, his anger deflated.

"That's because you don't listen," said Rose. She walked into the room with a tray in one hand. She gave Jake a brief, disdainful look and came over to me. The tray held a plate of steak, two sippy cups, a glass of water, and a small paper cup with pills in it. She pointed to the items on the tray in turn: "Fillet Mignon—rare, cow's blood, blended steak and cow's blood, water and your vitamins."

I tried to get Rose to put the tray down, but she just rolled her eyes. She didn't seem to even notice it in her hand, and she stood perfectly still while I ate.

I took a sip of water first, then I tried the sippy cup with the blended bloody steak. The texture was awful, but it tasted pretty good. Or I think it would have, if I hadn't been so hungry. As it was, it tasted like heaven. I drank it down. I tried the steak, but I just didn't have the strength to chew it. I drank the cow's blood, took my vitamins, and finally – I ate the little sprig of parsley Rose had set beside the steak.

My body didn't want the parsley at all. Eating it was just a defiant gesture. My little way of asserting that I'm still me. I love my two werewolves, but I don't want to be one.

Jake and Edward stood quietly on either side of me while I ate. They both looked uncharacteristically demure. As I got close to finishing, Jake looked at me for his opportunity to start up again, anxious for some long-overdue explanations.

I finished my lunch, then I just looked at Jake and Edward for a moment. I didn't know how many chances I'd get to do this: seeing them both at the same time, with nothing but love and concern for me in their eyes, instead of hatred for each other. So I took a good look while the looking was good.

Edward was wearing jeans and a leather jacket and looked perfect as ever.

Jacob was in his brown boxing robe. He was still covered in sweat and mud and blood. His robe clung to his damp skin, ruining it's cut. And even I could smell him from halfway across the room.

But that's what a triumphant warrior looks and smells like. He was beautiful. They both were beautiful. I wished I could put this discussion off and just gaze at them for a while, like maybe for a day or two. Then I thought about what Jasper must be reading from me right now, and I blushed. I knew I'd better get back to the matters at hand, before that blush caused its own problems. I sighed and nodded for Jake to ask his questions.

Jake took a deep breath to start. "You're right," he said. "It's too much. I can't handle it all at once. I have to make priorities." He looked at my belly pensively and with affection. He reached out and gently stroked it. He seemed to be transfixed by it. His expression was one of awe, and he continued to stare at it as he talked to me.

But what he asked was, "How is the whole tribe in danger? Why?"

"I think that one's for you, Edward," I said, and I winced from pain that was reasserting itself. Jake's soft touch helped, but a cracked rib still hurts no matter how much TLC you get.

"Rose, can you help me lie back down?"

It was so awkward and embarrassing asking for help like that, especially from Rosalie; we'd never been each other's favorite people. But Jake and Edward needed to talk, and I really was in pain, and trying to lie back on my own would have kicked that pain into high gear. I probably would have even passed out. Rosalie lowered me down on the cot, and I turned my head to watch Jake and Edward, as Edward explained about the Volturi: the vampires Victoria was running to.

The Volturi were the vampire's enforcer's – their CIA, their KGB, their Department of Homeland Security and Department of Defense all rolled up into one. And they were very thorough. They didn't just want to eliminate all physical evidence of vampires. They wanted to eliminate all threats to vampire kind—and their rule. The werewolves were such a threat. Victoria would tell them that the werewolves were dedicated to the destruction of vampires (at least the kind that hunted humans—which was almost all of them). She would tell them that a werewolf could hold its own against a top-tier vampire – and that their numbers were growing by leaps and bounds.

As if all that wasn't enough reason for the Volturi to wipe out the werewolves, there was the new alliance the werewolves had with the Cullens, and now the Denali. (I had taken to calling the Alaskan coven the Denali, after the city they lived in. It was better than 'hey you,' or 'Jake's Pack'.) The Cullens and Denali were two of the most powerful covens in the world, after the Volturi themselves. And they didn't much like potential rivals, even under the best circumstances. They wouldn't like the Cullens or the Denali making alliances with werewolves, not one little bit.

Jake was practically in shock as the enormity of it all sank in. His family, his friends, his entire people were in danger. More than that – they were just about doomed.

It was as if Edward had just told him the world was ending.

"But..." he stammered, "this Aro person, he already knows about us, doesn't he? You said he knows everything that you knew the last time you met him. He's never bothered us before."

"The last time I met him," said Edward, "the werewolves had all died out, or at least they had lost their ability to phase. And the Quileute were a tiny people living on a small reservation. They seldom even mingled with the outside world. Aro is a collector, a preservationist. He was fascinated by you and rather sad to hear that the werewolves seemed to have passed into legend. He viewed you the way that humans view polar bears: they're fine as long as they're living in a wildlife preserve, far from civilization. But if they start leaving the preserve, preying on the farmer's cattle or worse, the farmers themselves... Well, that can't be tolerated."

Jacob was digesting that, and Edward continued. "Your father is a very forward-thinking man. He's one of the best leaders the Quileute have ever had. And he doesn't want you to remain a tiny isolated people, living on a poor reservation. You have one sister going to school in Alaska and another in Hawaii. If Billy has his way, soon there will be werewolves, or at least potential werewolves all over the world. Also, the other leaders of the Volturi—Caius and Marcus—do not know about the Quileute. Caius especially won't like it. He almost died in a fight with a European werewolf over a thousand years ago, and he has waged an eradication campaign against them ever since. You're not the same species as they are, but I doubt Caius will see the distinction. In fact, I know he won't."

"You... know?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

Edward nodded. "Alice has seen it," he said.

Rosalie gasped. I looked through the glass that separated the room we were in from the observation room, where Jasper was watching us and helping us keep our emotions under control. I saw both Jasper and Carlisle standing there. They had shocked expressions on their faces as well. This was even news to them – bad news.

Edward continued in a choking voice. "Victoria will go to them. She will lodge a complaint against the werewolves that killed Laurent." He paused, and it looked like he was too upset to even continue. "Their decision will be swift and certain, like it was already made," he whispered. "They will come. All of them. And they will bring every vampire they can quickly recruit with them—about a hundred to two hundred. That number keeps changing; Alice isn't sure why. But they will wage war against the Quileute—and the Cullens."

The silence was deafening. And I felt cold. For the first time, the Cullen's home – the beautiful home of the good vampires – felt like a crypt.

"Didn't you get anything for the hand?" asked Rosalie.

Edward nodded. "A month. Victoria and Riley vowed to put us out of their minds for a month, taking no action against us nor talking to anyone else about us. And 'us' includes the werewolves. Victoria was loath to do it, but she's not yet ready to dissolve her alliance with Riley. But at the end of that month, probably sooner, she will go straight to Italy."

"Why probably sooner?" asked Jacob.

"It's her nature. She's a liar."

Carlisle came back into the room then and walked calmly over to me and started checking my vitals again, as if nothing had happened.

"How is the baby?" I asked nervously.

"She's fine," he answered. "You, however, have a cracked rib and some very bad bruises. And there is some internal tearing that we need to keep a close watch on." He then proceeded to bandage me up. And he put me in a back brace that would help hold my ribs still while the cracked one healed. I was going to be even more dependent on others for my locomotion for a while.

Perspective. It's funny what a little of it can do for you. Suddenly my health problems, the danger Renesmee and I were in, seemed minor compared to the danger we all were in, almost trivial. In a way, I felt lucky to have my health problems, to have something to focus on, something that I could do something about. I think Carlisle was kind of the same way. He wasn't a warrior, though he knew how to fight. He was a doctor. He focused now on doctoring.

Of course, vampires have much faster, more complex minds than humans do. A significant portion of Carlisle's brain could still be worrying about the Volturi, at the same time that he did everything possible for me and Renesmee. But I for one was taking a little breather from worrying about the things that were so totally beyond my control. I was focusing on keeping myself alive.

The breather didn't last long. Soon we were all in the den, joined by Emmett and Tanya, but minus Jasper. He needed to be with Alice right now. And she needed a break from me, from the headaches that plagued her whenever she was near me. We would just have to do without the guidance of her visions for a while – and keep our emotions under control by ourselves.

I was lying on the couch where Rose put me. I was in a lot of pain, but I was much more comfortable there than I would have been upstairs. I sure didn't want to be alone, and it would have been weird to have everyone crowd into my bedroom. Besides, focusing on bigger problems took my mind off the pain—a little.

I worked hard not to let anyone, especially Jacob or Edward, see just how much pain I was in. I wasn't a very good actress, but a lifetime of mishaps was good preparation for this. I was good at enduring pain.

Jacob sat on an ottoman beside me. Edward sat in a chair near my feet, and the rest of the vampires stood scattered around the room. I wondered for a moment why Edward was sitting. Vampires usually don't, unless they are cuddling, or to put on a human facade. I decided that it was probably to make confrontation with Jacob less likely. And I decided that was probably a good idea.

"I still don't get it," said Rosalie. "Alice didn't see any other possibilities? What do you mean, their decision was already made?"

"I mean," said Edward, "they were waiting for an excuse to come after us. It probably surprised them, or rather will surprise them, to get not just an excuse but a real reason."

That brought another long moment of silence. And Carlisle excused himself to get something from his office.

"Where's Esme?" I asked.

"Esme, Alice and Jasper are in the meadow with the rest of my coven," said Tanya.

Carlisle came over to me and listened to my belly with a stethoscope. It surprised me when he first brought out the stethoscope—surprised everyone. Normally he just used them as props. But he explained that the placenta had hardened so much that even he couldn't hear her heartbeat clearly through it. X-rays and sonograms no longer worked either.

That surprised all of us, especially Jacob. He said x-rays worked fine on werewolves. Paul got one a few months ago.

"Having so many vampires around seems to have odd effects on her," said Carlisle. "That's one reason Esme offered to join the others, to help the baby cool down. Her heartbeat is holding steady now. It's about three percent weaker than it was an hour ago, but it's still much stronger than a human's her size. If it continues to drop, I'll have Esme come back."

We were doing a balancing act with the baby and the vampires. If we surrounded her with too many, she got too strong for me, like she did in the meadow. But if we had too few, she weakened and could go into distress. That had happened a few days ago, when Edward, Emmett and Jasper went hunting.

Jacob winced to hear about my complicated pregnancy. This whole situation was such a nightmare for him – even more than for me, really, taking him by surprise the way it did. And I'm kind of used to getting hurt; I could only imagine what it would be like to watch Jake or Edward this way. Actually, I didn't have to stretch my imagination very far. I thought back to seeing Jacob half dead on the battlefield. Had it been only an hour ago? I reached out and stroked his face, but I didn't say anything stupid like, 'It'll be alright'. I didn't see how it could be. And I had lied to Jacob for long enough.

I tried not to feel guilty thinking about Alice and the others standing in the rain, while I was in their house. I know they were not really bothered by the rain, or the dark, or the cold, or standing for long periods. But it still bothered me that I was, literally, putting them out.

"You know," said Emmett, "we ought to have Eleazar check Bella out while he's here."

Edward glowered at his almost-disturbingly cheerful brother. "Emmett," he said, in a low, warning voice.

"I know. I know," said Emmett, holding out his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. "She's not becoming a vampire. I'm just curious. I still think she'd get some kind of Calamity Jane power."

Jake frowned at the mention of me becoming a vampire. But I was curious what Emmett was talking about, and I said so.

"This is pointless," Edward said angrily, "and you're only going to upset Jacob."

Emmett made a noise that was somewhere between a raspberry and a hiss. "I don't see why it would," he said. "I just said she's not becoming one."

Then he pondered a moment. "Well, he does have lots of other reasons to be upset right now, so... forget I said anything."

Jake looked aggravated at Emmett. I gave him about five seconds before curiosity got the better of him. "What?" he snapped, right on cue.

Emmett grinned. "Eleazar has a gift for knowing what other people's gifts are," he said. "And if he concentrates, he can even tell what a human's gift would be – if he or she became a vampire. Like I said, I bet Bella would get some kind of bad-luck power that makes all her enemies fall all over themselves. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"My bad luck only works on me, Emmett," I sighed. "And the people I love."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked. He started counting on his fingers. "Tyler's car's a wreck. Those thugs in Port Angeles are in jail. James and Laurent are dead. Victoria's sad and pathetic. Even Edward..." He glanced at Edward, but then looked quickly away from the dangerous look in his brother's eyes. "Uh, well, he does regret leaving you last September."

Jake's mouth twitched up a little at that, and Edward's frown deepened. I frowned too. Edward had hurt me—deeply. But I didn't want revenge for it. I hated that he was hurting now. And I didn't like the idea that his pain was some kind of cosmic payback. That would make it even more my fault than it already was.

"You're like Maxwell Smart or Inspector Clouseau," he continued. "You get little scrapes and bruises, but it's the people who cross you who really take a beating. I bet the Volturi wind up walking into a meat grinder."

Great, I thought. I'm surrounded by super men and wonder women, and I'm a bungling stooge.

"That's a very good bet," said Edward, in a voice that was low and menacing. "Since, if you loose, you won't be around to pay up."

Emmett grinned again. But the other vampires all looked thoughtful, like they were seriously considering his crazy ideas.

"I'm not going to dignify that by calling it a theory, Emmett," said Carlisle. "But it is an interesting thought. Still, I think we need to stay focused on more serious matters right now. Jacob will need to leave soon to go talk to Sam and the Quileute elders. He should have some kind of plan, or at least alternatives, to present to them."

"Fight or flight," said Jacob hopelessly. "That's all I can think of. And if we fight, we'll lose, so that leaves flight. Scatter the Quileute to the four corners of the Earth. I don't like the idea of suggesting that to the elders, but I don't know what else to do."

"I'm afraid that won't work, My Lord," said Tanya. "Demetri, their tracker, would find them all eventually."

"I thought he could only track people he's met before," said Rose.

"He can also find people of similar types, if they have enough in common," Tanya explained. "He could, for example, find all vampires or all werewolves, and probably even all people who carry the werewolf gene, as long as he's met one. He might even be able to find all Quileute, if your ethnic similarities are distinctive enough."

"That's how he found the immortal children. How he found Mother," she added sadly.

"What?" asked Jake.

Tanya shook her head. "It's a long story, My Lord."

"I wish you'd lay off the 'My Lord' stuff," Jake grumbled. "But Tanya, I don't know anything about the vampire world. Half the time, I don't know what the heck you guys are talking about. And I need to learn—fast. I've got time for a long story, if it'll help me understand better what I'm up against."

"It has little to do with our present situation," she said, obviously reluctant to talk about it. "Except this does remind me of it. Bella and your daughter bring back some very sad memories for me."

She paused a moment before she continued: "It was nine hundred and thirteen years ago. I was even younger then than Esme is today. I had only been a vampire for seventy three years. It's strange to think that I only knew Mother for such a short time, but of course they were my formative years. Irina was less than three years old as a vampire, and Kate was only a little older. We were living in a village in northern Norway, and we had a young housekeeper named Viya. We were very fond of her and even considered making her one of us. But then she got pregnant. There is a very strict rule for vampire households, strictly enforced by the Volturi: no children. No exceptions"

"Because their blood is so tempting?" asked Jake.

Tanya smiled patiently but shook her head. "Because it isn't," she said. "Let me finish. You'll understand."

"We gave Viya a generous severance and sent her away. My sisters and I thought that was the end of it. But, unknown to us, there were complications with the pregnancy, and Viya's sister called on Mother to help. Mother was a healer, a master of herbs and poultices. Many of the villagers used to come to her for help, though they also feared her. They did not know she was a vampire, of course. They thought she was a witch. You remind me of her, Carlisle, in more ways than one."

"Viya died giving birth to Tiya, a darling boy with black hair and brown eyes—very unusual in that area. But he was sickly from the start. I don't know for certain what it was, but from the descriptions I got later, I suspect it was a type of leukemia. Mother took care of him in secret for five years. Though, for the most part, she just helped his aunt do it. She did not dare let anyone see her taking care of the boy, lest it get back to me or my sisters, but she must have tended to him personally sometimes. She obviously became attached."

"Early in his sixth year his pain became too great for Mother to bear, and she ended it—by turning him into a vampire."

Jake and I gasped. I heard Rose swallow.

"I saw him once, a few weeks later, when the Volturi had him. He was, simply, the most beautiful child, the most beautiful creature, the most beautiful thing—that I had ever seen. But in the dim light of the arctic autumn, with the child always heavily bundled for the cold, the humans had not even noticed the change. They only knew that he had been at deaths door, and then he got better. Much better. He was even able to run and play with the other children, something he had never been able to do before."

"He didn't attack them?" asked Emmett. "How?"

Tanya shrugged. "He was preternaturally self controlled. Maybe mother knew that he was going to be, or maybe she gave him something to help. Mother had her secrets, but I'm afraid they died with her. Or no, I guess Aro knows them. But I doubt her remedies would work as well without her to administer them—healing was her gift. In any case, three weeks after his recovery, the Volturi came. They drained Tiya's Aunt and put mother and Tiya to the fire. Alec gave Tiya merciful oblivion, but Mother... they only severed her head so that she couldn't scream."

"The humans saw the fire, which destroyed the home of Tiya's family, as proof that they had been cavorting with demons – something they had suspected for a while, especially after Tiya's miraculous recovery. My sisters and I had to leave the area. And we've never been back."

"In case you have not figured it out, My Lord. The reason that we cannot have a human child in our homes is not so much that we might be tempted to kill it, but that we could not bear to let it die. Human children are so fragile; there are so many things that can happen to them. But if there is a vampire who loves them—how could she let a disease or accident have the last word, when she has the power to overrule it?

I think many would do what Mother did, if their child was suffering or dying. But it is something that must not be done! I was horrified when I first learned about Renesmee, that the Cullens would have an infant in their home, until Carlisle explained that werewolves cannot be turned."

We all sat soberly for a minute as we contemplated the tragedy of Tanya's mother, and Tiya and his aunt. I wondered if Tanya even knew the aunt's name. Probably not. Tanya was compassionate to humans, but she didn't really think they were worth paying much attention to. We were probably kind of like the neighbor's dog to her. Pet it, don't be cruel to it, but who really cares what its name is?

"Thank you, Tanya," said Jake. "I am sorry for your loss."

Jake's brow wrinkled in concentration, as he tried to think of a way out of our present crisis.

"No. Jacob," Edward said firmly. Jake's head shot up to look at him.

Edward answered our confusion. "Jake considered the possibility that we could make an army of our own." The other vampires all nodded knowingly. It was a common enough tactic.

"I could shoot myself for even thinking it," Jake moaned. "But... my people are facing genocide!"

"No one blames you, Jacob," said Carlisle. "But it wouldn't work. As dangerous as newborns are to humans, they're easily dealt with by mature vampires—or even werewolves." Jake bristled at that. "I only meant that, one on one, you are not as strong as we are, and Newborn vampires are even stronger. But with your greater skill and discipline, you'd make mince meat out of a newborn. And so would the Volturi. To even the odds against a hundred mature vampires and the Volturi guard, we'd need at least five hundred newborns. Aside from the fact that we couldn't control them, you heard what Tanya said about Demetri. He would sense the creation of more than a handful of newborns from a half a world away. Then we'd have an arms race that we couldn't win—and humanity would surely lose."

Jake exhaled the breath he was holding. "Yeah," he said, "I see your point. I guess we don't need more vampires. I really wish we could make more werewolves."

"Looks like you and Bella already started on that," Emmett said with a chuckle. I blushed, but everyone else joined him—even Jake, the traitor.

Yeah, Jake and I were already making another werewolf. Now, if only we could get a few dozen more pregnant Quileute and surround them with vampires. We had plenty of vampire's, but how many infant would-be werewolves could there be? Besides, they still wouldn't be grown in time for the fight. And what it would do to their mothers? What we needed were grown werewolves.

Or would-be werewolves.

I had to run that one through my mind a second time to see if it still made sense. "That... could... work," I said hesitantly.

"What could?" asked Jake.

"Make more werewolves."

"That could take a while, even for you," Rose interjected. See why she's not my favorite sister?

"I didn't mean starting from scratch," I said.

I had everyone's attention now. "I mean... I wonder how many Quileute carry the wolf gene? I bet a lot of them can trace their ancestry back to Outalpe or one of the spirit warriors."

"Just about everyone can," said Jacob, as he contemplated what I was saying. "That's pretty much what it means to be a Quileute."

"Then, what if we gave them all close exposure to the vampires? What if the Cullens and the Denali moved to La Push?"


	10. Expecting

**10. Expecting**

We spent about an hour thrashing out the idea. We wanted Jake to have some solid proposals to take back with him. He didn't look forward to telling Sam and the tribal elders about danger the whole tribe was in, or the drastic plan we had come up with to try to fight it. He spent the better part of that hour trying to think of a better alternative.

None of us was happy about it. If this plan worked, we would be forcing a bunch of teenage boys to grow up way too fast, taking away their childhoods, their privacy and much of their humanity and free will – especially if they later imprinted. The imprinted werewolves all seemed happy about being imprinted, but it wasn't exactly voluntary. And it kind of creeped me out.

And we would be drafting those boys into an army and sending them into battle, to near-certain death. Didn't that violate the Geneva Conventions? Yes, Carlisle confirmed, it did; but so did what the Volturi would do. And we didn't see any other option. At least this gave the boys a chance to fight, to not be helplessly slaughtered – along with their families. It was like Sophie's Choice; we chose to do the unthinkable, because the unthinkable was the only thing we could do.

I lay propped up on the couch, as the conversation swirled around me. I was weak and in pain, but I still managed to hold up my end of the discussion, sometimes. Other times, they all talked too fast for me to even follow. Then they would take pity on me and slow back down.

"We're really going to try to create an army of werewolves?" asked Rosalie. "If this works, if they survive... are we sure they're not going to turn on us? Slaughter us?"

"We'll keep our treaty," Jake said evenly. "The whole tribe is bound by it."

"And some of them will be your friends," I said. And everyone looked dubious.

"Seth already is!" I insisted. Jake and Edward nodded reluctantly. They both knew his mind.

"So far, he's the only one," Edward pointed out. He looked at me as he said that, pointedly not looking at Jake.

"So far," I admitted. Then I looked down at my belly. "But not for long. One of them, at least, will love you. You'll be her family as much as Billy or Charlie is." I looked over at Jake as I said that, challenging him to object. He didn't. He didn't look happy about it, but he didn't object.

"I need to go talk to Sam," said Jake. Then he came over and knelt beside me, took my hand in his, and pressed his forehead against the side of my head.

"Bells," he whispered, "I don't have time to even begin to have the talk I need to have with you. So I won't even try. Just... I love you. Whatever happens, you have to know that."

"I know," I said, stroking his arm and shoulder with my free hand. "I love you too."

He kissed me then, tenderly and briefly. He knew that was all I wanted right then, audience considered. He was getting very good at giving me just what I needed, when I needed it. Then he ran off. I heard the distinctive rush of air that accompanied a werewolf's transformation before the door shut behind him.

And then my stomach exploded in pain!

Renesmee kicked me! The pain was so intense, I just barely kept myself from screaming. But I held it in; Jake might have heard me. And I couldn't have him running back to care for me – or worse, leave, knowing how much pain I was in. Because even if this was it, if Renesmee was coming, or I was dying, or both, Jake had to go. He was the only one who could tell the elders what was coming and convince them what had to be done. So I swallowed my scream as my little prize fighter punched me in the gut. Colors and lights blinded me through closed eyelids, and I heard Edward tell Tanya to go get Jasper. How fast and how softly had he said that? It sounded like he shouted it in my ear, every word as clear as a bell. Pain makes a great hearing aid.

Edward and Rosalie were both beside me in an instant. Edward knelt in almost exactly the same spot Jake had been in, just a short minute or so ago. Rosalie knelt beside me too, down by my waist. She softly cooed to Renesmee, while she stroked my belly. Her light, cool touch sure didn't hurt, and it might have calmed the baby a little. Then I felt Edward's hand beside hers. His touch was maybe just a feather's weight heavier than Rosalie's. I felt his lips move against my forehead, but his words too were for Renesmee.

"There, there, Renesmee," he cooed in his lovely, melodic voice. "Daddy will be back soon. Don't hurt Mommy. Please don't hurt Mommy."

There was pain in Edward's voice. Pain and fear. But still his voice was musical in my ears. It was like the long strings of an angel's harp, even, and deep and pitch-perfect. Renesmee seemed to agree, and her thrashing calmed into a gentle motion that seemed to match Edward's voice and the motions of Edward's and Rosalie's hands. I felt guilty, but I couldn't summon the strength to either push Edward away or even try to tune his voice out. I lay there and let it caress me, like a cool breeze on a hot Phoenix day, like a lover's gentile touch. It took me places I hadn't been in a long time and hinted of places I still longed to go. It wasn't enough to completely take me away from the pain, but the pain was almost worth it just to hear that voice. I thanked God that my mind was so private, that Edward could not get in it, that I wasn't part of Jacob's pack... that I wasn't Catholic. I never wanted to confess these feelings to anyone.

Then I heard Rosalie and Carlisle do their bee impression as they argued for about two seconds. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I thought I heard 'morphine'. I started to object, but then I felt a sharp pain in my arm, near my shoulder. And it was too late to object.

_I was back on the battlefield. The scene had changed since the last time I was here. There were more bodies now, and most of them were vampires. I looked around, and all I could see was death. I was the only thing standing. _

_Again I looked for my daughter, but I did not call out for her; fear gripped my chest whenever I tried. I walked around and saw nothing but corpses and smoldering fires. The smell of burning vampires and wolves and humans stung my eyes, burned my nose and lungs and made me want to vomit. I understood what the wolves kept saying about the smell of vampire now. I understood what the vampires kept saying about the smell of wolf._

_In the distance, I saw motion, and I began to run to it. Logically, there was little chance it would be Renesmee. But irrationally, I began to hope. Then I saw a figure crouched among some corpses. It – she, for she was obviously female – did not look at all like a Quileute werewolf. No, she looked like a wolf girl from a cheap monster movie, halfway between girl and wolf. She would be even taller than Leah, if she stood up straight. Near her were the bodies of the other wolf girls, Emily and Leah. I'm sure if I had looked for them, I would have seen Kim and Claire as well. I did not want to see them. I resisted looking for them by studying the corpses in front of me. Emily's face looked somehow serene; her skin was smooth in death. I did not see the scars that had been her most prominent features. Leah was in wolf form, as all the werewolf bodies were. I had no trouble recognizing any of them, though – not even the new wolves who had not yet changed in the waking world. In my dream, I knew them all._

_The wolf girl looked up at me then, and I knew her too. Of course I knew her, though she didn't look at all like me, or Jacob. In fact her hair and fur were Edward's coppery tan, and her face was a bit like Rosalie's. I saw Rosalie's face then, lying on the ground nearby. Think it, see it. That's the way it works in dreams. Her eyes looked up at me accusingly. I looked away from her and back to Renesmee. The wolf girl was looking at me now, and her mouth dripped with gore. She growled a low, feral growl. And she lunged at me. Her talons ripped into my stomach. _

I screamed.

"She wasn't trying to hurt you," Edward said softly. "She didn't mean to hurt you."

I was confused for a moment. What? Where was I? Where was she?

Oh. My nightmare gave new meaning to the phrase 'guilt trip'. What time was it? How long had I slept? How long had I been awake? I began to get my bearings. I was still on the couch, but they had made me as comfortable as they could with blankets and pillows. I looked at Edward sitting in a chair just beside me.

"She wasn't trying to hurt you," he repeated. "She was just kicking. She was frustrated that her daddy was leaving."

"I know she wasn't trying to hurt me, Edward." How could he think that I could think that she was? "But... you can hear her?" I asked excitedly. "You know what she's thinking?"

"Not thinking exactly, but... wants, needs and intentions. Yes. Some emotions too, though that's more up Jasper's ally. She loves her family – especially you," he said smiling.

That was the nicest smile I'd seen on him in a long time. And I returned it with interest. I didn't think I needed to worry about her safety around Edward anymore. Except...

"Morphine?" I asked, accusingly.

"Not much," he answered. "Bella, Carlisle has to balance both your health needs. Even Rosalie recognizes that."

It was only then that I noticed the others in the room. Rosalie, standing at the foot of the couch, rolled her eyes at Edward's comment. Jasper stood just behind the head of the couch. I could just see his face over its back. He was looking at me with just a faint smile, but he also looked like he was thinking about something, and worried. I understood how he felt. Lately, I often caught myself looking down at my belly and smiling, then thinking about the situation and worrying. Across the room, I saw Emmett watching some game on TV. He had the volume turned down too low for me to hear. He waved at me and gave me a wink when he noticed me noticing him.

I looked back at Rosalie. "Rose?" I asked. She arched an eyebrow. "Are you really going to risk your life for the werewolves? I mean, it seems like a suicide mission. And... I thought you hated them."

She gave me a wistful smile, looked at my belly and said, "I don't hate her."

"She's Jacob's daughter," I reminded her.

"Well, nobody's perfect." We both chuckled at that.

"You don't think it's going to be a problem? That you'll both stink to each other?"

"You sure are optimistic," she replied dryly. "I doubt any of us will live long enough for that to be an issue."

"Besides," she added, "their wet-dog smell is unpleasant, but it's not really a big deal. I had dogs back when I was human who smelled worse. You learn to ignore it. I'm sure it's about the same for them."

I saw a look pass between her and Edward. She seemed to be questioning him, challenging him about something.

"Well..." he answered reluctantly. "It's actually worse for them. A lot worse."

Rose's eyes narrowed.

Edward sighed, and he slumped a little. "Like rotten meat. Rotten meat that someone has tried to hide with cheap perfume, then added ammonia, and bleach. Jacob is actually in serious discomfort, bordering on pain, when he is in our house. Sorry. I've never spent much time with a werewolf before, and Ephraim Black was always so guarded with his thoughts whenever he was near me. I never knew before today how it was for them."

We were all shocked. I mean, Jake had sort of told me, but I thought he was just exaggerating. Rose stood shock still, then marched out of the room. For a moment, I didn't get it. Why would it be a big deal to her if Jake thought she stank? But it was not physically possible for me to forget about Renesmee for very long. A stabbing pain from the injuries in my gut, as she shifted positions, acted as a gentle reminder. Rose wasn't going to get the baby she had hoped for.

We had all been operating under the assumption that Renesmee's vampire family would smell only slightly unpleasant to her, like wet dogs or sweaty socks. Yes, some people would say those are more than slightly unpleasant, but you get used to it. I should know. Dad has really stinky feet. And I don't mind it when Jake gets sweaty – much. But how could a baby be cradled in the arms of someone who smelled so bad it was painful to her? I looked over at Edward, my eyes welling up just a little.

"I owed her the truth," he said.

I nodded. Poor Rosalie.

"You know," he added, "she and Jacob don't exactly hate each other. Not the way they want everyone – especially each other – to think."

I stared at him incredulously, then glanced over at Emmett. His mouth twitched up just a little, but he didn't look in our direction. Jake and Emmett were very similar types. He'd even joked about it before. "_Gee, if I'd known you went for that type, we could'a been flirting shamelessly for months. Would've made Rose and Edward crazy._" Yes, Jacob and Emmett were very similar types, except Jake was even taller, his shoulders even broader. Jake was even more of an archetypal burly man than Emmett was, even if Emmett was actually about a hundred times stronger than Jake. This obviously wasn't news to Emmett – or anything he felt he needed to worry about.

I felt stupid.

Jacob was Rosalie's type.

Was Rosalie Jacob's type? Well, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and that includes actresses and models, women I've only seen pictures of. Edward had said that beauty was the thing she brought with her from her former life – brought with her and amplified. It was her special gift, like Edward's telepathy and Emmett's strength. And even 'plain' vampires were stunningly beautiful. So Rosalie was probably the most beautiful woman in the world.

And she was a grease monkey. Jake was my favorite mechanic, but being honest, Rose was better. She had about seventy years experience on him, and enough strength, speed and invulnerability that she didn't need to turn off an engine in order to work on it. And she had very little use for a wrench. Heck, even I thought it was hot, when I thought about it. Jake would just about have to be attracted to her on some level.

Except... if he found her sweet smell sickening, how about her looks? I could have asked Edward. He would probably know. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. Cold? Alien? Dead? Maybe all those mean insults he traded with her the few times we'd gotten together weren't playful banter. Maybe they were just... mean insults. At least on Jake's part.

No, wait. Edward said that they don't hate _each other_. That meant it was largely banter for Jacob too.

But in some ways that made things even worse for Rosalie. She was used to being beautiful – to everyone. To discover that one of the few men she found worth noticing (even if it was just to trade a few barbs), and who liked her for more than just her looks – liked her in spite of her looks, in fact – that he actually found her repulsive? That had to hurt.

But I'm sure it was Renesmee she was most upset about. She had so much wanted a baby that she could love.

I looked over at Emmett again. He stood up, turned off the television and headed towards his room. "Better go see if I can cheer her up," he said gloomily.

I lay on the couch quietly for a few minutes before saying to Edward, "I'd understand if she wants to go, or wants me to go. This isn't her fight..."

Edward interrupted me. "No one is going anywhere. You are not Rose's favorite sister. But you are her second-favorite."

I smiled at that. I had never had any siblings or cousins until recently. Growing up, my only close family had been either my mother or my father, and never both at the same time. This was nice, being part of not just one but two big families. If I was only going to get a couple of months of this – or maybe only a week or so, I reminded myself – I should not feel cheated. It was more than a lot of people got.

My dinner that evening was a big cup of moose blood. Scary. Edward had caught the moose and filled a milk jug with its blood before draining the rest for himself. He had also cut off a nice steak for me. I've had Moose before; Charlie used to hunt with Harry Clearwater, and they would bag one or two a year. Moose is tough and gamy, but the choice cuts are good. But I could not choke down a single bite, not even blended. I was becoming more and more like a vampire all the time – except for the strong, invulnerable and beautiful part. What was up with that?

Carlisle reminded me again that humans can live on a diet of animal blood; it's actually quite healthy. And strange cravings are not that unusual for pregnant women. But it was still weird. I know I wasn't the only one who didn't know what to make of it. _Renesmee, baby, what are you doing to your mother?_

It was about seven thirty, when Emmett suddenly looked up towards the road. He had the best hearing. Edward followed his gaze and groaned.

"Is it Charlie?" I asked. Edward shouldn't groan for that; Charlie came by almost every night. I wondered if, with all the stress, human company was beginning to bother him. One good thing about my pregnancy was that my scent no longer made his throat burn, no longer triggered his hunting instinct. But Charlie's still did.

"No," said Edward. "Charlie won't be able to make it this evening – a minor police matter. He called while you were napping. It's Angela Webber and Jessica Stanley. They're coming to check on a sick friend."

I cringed. "Oh, I should have expected that, at least from Angela. But Jess... After the way I treated her a few months ago, I'm surprised she even bothered. And she's been downright nasty to me since then. I didn't think we were friends anymore."

Edward scowled at that. Sometimes he's way overprotective. But then he seemed to be listening to something. "Hmm. She's thinking about that too. She seems to think that your being sick offers some kind of opportunity for the two of you to put that behind you? I'm not sure I understand her reasoning there."

I did. She could come by to express her concern for my health and to cheer me up, and I could thank her and say how nice it was for her to visit, and neither of us would have to apologize. Edward had been a vampire so long that he had forgotten some of these human ways and customs. Vampires never got sick.

"Don't worry. I'll get rid of them. Politely," he said, heading to the door.

I thought about the trade offs I was making these days. I had gained two wonderful families. But I seemed to be sacrificing some pretty good friends. I was definitely coming out ahead on the deal, but I still missed my old friends. And I really had treated Jessica horribly.

And this might be my last chance to make amends.

"Edward," I called out. "I should see them."

He looked at me, surprised. "Are you sure?"

I looked down at my swollen belly. Did I want to keep her a secret forever? I didn't know how I would be able to, if her rapid growth continued. Werewolves grew from young teenagers to mature adults in a matter of months, and Renesmee seemed to be growing almost as fast, maybe six or seven times as fast as a normal fetus. How could I explain a daughter who grew to adulthood in three years?

I couldn't. We'd have to hide her. Say that she had died, and this young woman was my cousin or something. Yuck. I was borrowing trouble when I already had plenty.

But that trouble was partly why I needed to see my friends. Both my wonderful families and I might all be dead in a few months. If my little nudger didn't stop kicking me, I could be dead even sooner than that. This might be my last chance to see my friends. I wanted to reconnect to them, and I wanted them to know about Renesmee. A few months from now, they and Charlie might be the only ones left who even knew she'd ever existed.

"Yeah," I said. "They're my friends."

Edward didn't argue. He raised an eyebrow and went to show them in. "Mine too, actually," he said. He sounded surprised by the realization.

Ange and Jess looked nervous and excited to be at the Cullen's house. No one in Forks suspected that the Cullens were vampires. But they knew that the Cullens were rich and a bit mysterious. Their eyes were big with curiosity, as they looked around the room.

But their eyes became like saucers as soon as they saw me. My condition was pretty obvious.

"Oh. My. God." Said Jessica. Ever subtle.

Jess was the first to speak, but Angela was the first to move. She was kneeling beside me in a second. "Bella," she said in a kind of sing-song voice as she hugged me, "why didn't you tell us?" Great. Don't let me warm up with any easy questions.

Angela looked guilty as soon as she realized what she just asked. It was kind of a dumb question and a bit rude of her. There are lots of reasons a teenage girl doesn't tell her friends she's pregnant, and those reasons are often even more embarrassing than the pregnancy itself. She tried to back peddle. "I mean, you look..."

She was going to say I look good, which is something you say to pregnant women, whether they do or not. But then she got a good look at me. I don't think I realized how bad I looked until that moment. Bad enough for courteous Angela to skip the niceties. She changed course mid-sentence and asked, "What's wrong?"

Not much easier than the first one. But it was more appropriate. I took a deep breath. "There are... complications," I said truthfully. And I decided to stick with that as much as I could. "That's why I'm here at the Cullen's. Carlisle is taking care of me practically full time."

In fact, Carlisle had even taken leave from the hospital, so he could be with me round the clock. He was covering the cost of a temporary replacement out of his own pocket. I wanted to reimburse him; I recently came into some money. But he wouldn't hear of it.

"It was touch and go for a while there," I told Angela. "We thought I might lose her, which was part of the reason I didn't tell anyone."

"When are you due?" asked Jessica. She also hugged me.

"It's more like 'when am I scheduled?' and it's this Friday, unless it's sooner. But it would have been about a month from now."

I could see them both doing the math in their heads. Jessica was just a little more obvious about it. They looked over at Edward through narrowed eyes.

"She's Jake's," I volunteered. And they both looked back at me in surprise.

"But you're back with Edward!" said Jessica.

I shook my head and looked chagrined. "I'm back with Jake," I said. "I told you it was complicated." And I smiled a little.

Ange and Jess both looked at Edward with confused, almost accusing looks on their faces.

"Okay," said Edward, "I know what you're thinking." I had to choke back a laugh. That saying had never been so true.

"I left. I was the stupid one. This," and he gestured at my belly, "happened a short time later. By the time I came to my senses and tried to win her back, it was too late."

"But," Jessica practically stammered, "you guys are an item again. Have been for weeks! I thought it was Jake who was trying to win you back?"

"No. I, uh..." I hated lying. "For a while, I really wasn't sure who I wanted to be with, Okay?" Well, that was the truth. "But I've decided. I love Edward, and I love Jake. But I'm with Jake. And this is Jake's baby. Her name is Renesmee Carlie Black."

I wished I had Edward's gift. Then again, maybe I was glad I didn't.

Angela broke the long silence. "Are you and Jacob going to get married?"

I flinched as if she had struck me. I didn't know whether to be angry at her or angry at myself for that.

"I, uh, well," I stammered, "hadn't really thought about it."

Jessica and Angela both looked shocked.

What? Just because you're having a baby, you have to think about marriage? They seemed to think so.

"Edward," said Angela, "could you get me something to drink?"

"Oh! I'd like a Coke," chimed Jessica.

Edward looked surprised. "I... ah, think we have some canned sodas." He went to the kitchen to get some.

"Bella," Angela whispered in a voice that was both pleading and chastising. She gave a furtive look over at Jasper. He was apparently engrossed in the TV across the room. "You can't do that to them. Until you're married, both of them are going to think that Edward still has a chance. Do you really want Edward to keep on hoping? Do you want Jacob to think you might change your mind again any day now, or the next time you have a fight? That's not fair to either of them."

Jess had a look that said she wouldn't blame me. But Angela and I just looked at each other for a long moment. I had not thought of it quite like that before, and I had to mull it over. But I was still unconvinced. Marriage? Wasn't my love life already weird enough?

"Okay, I've said my piece," Angela said, breaking the tableaux.

Edward came back with a couple of Cokes. I was surprised we still had them from my earlier grocery shopping. I was even more surprised when I realized I had just thought of the Cullen household as 'we'.

Angela, Jess and I chatted about lighter matters for a while. It was good to reconnect and catch up on what my old friends were doing. But with so many more important things going on, I couldn't focus on that for long.

And I didn't have to.

I didn't have to feign illness to send them off after about an hour. I was beat. As soon as they left, Rose carried me, first to the bathroom then to my bedroom, and helped me get ready for bed. I thanked her with wordless smiles. I didn't think she wanted to talk about anything, but she surprised me. Just as I was drifting off, she whispered, "She's right, you know."

I didn't sleep well. But at least I didn't have nightmares. Unless the recurring image of telling my mother that I was marrying a sixteen year old boy counts.


	11. Committed

**11. Committed**

I went to bed very early. Jacob would be up late, talking to Sam, so I encouraged him to get a good night's sleep in his own home. I knew he wanted to be with me, and that was mutual; but Jacob would not have slept well in the Cullen's house. And we both really needed a good night's sleep.

Fate doesn't seem to care much what I need. I woke up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain in my gut. I bent over to spit up in the trash can that sat beside my bed. As soon as I moved, I felt a cold hand supporting me and saw the can hovering just in front of my face. I felt the vomit come up in my throat, and I tasted blood. I tasted something else too. Fear. It was Jasper assisting me!

"It's all right Bella," Jasper whispered. "I'm on my guard. I won't loose control."

I calmed down as I finished heaving blood and bile into the pail. I was still afraid, but not of Jasper. How bad were my internal injuries? I saw Jasper's face in the dim night light, calm but worried, probably thinking the same thing I was. "Sorry," I managed to croak.

"No," said Jasper. "I'm the one who's sorry. I've given you enough reason to fear me. But I promise you, I WILL keep myself under control for as long as you need me."

"Thank you," I said, and we traded weak but reassuring smiles.

"That was a nasty kick," he observed.

I heard Rosalie's voice from across the room. "Carlisle will be here in a minute," she said. "He and Edward were out back with our guests. Jasper, why did she kick? I thought you were controlling her emotions."

"Controlling is too strong a word for it," Jasper replied. "I'm only influencing them. I think it would be very bad for her development to put her in an emotional straight jacket at such a young age."

I nodded my agreement – emphatically.

"But in fact," he continued, "she's very calm, just uncomfortable. And there's not much I can do about that."

No, not much anyone could do about it, until she was out of a womb that was not keeping up with her hyper-thyroidal growth.

I practiced my La Maze breathing. Not that I had any thoughts of having a 'natural' childbirth, but it was a pretty good technique for controlling pain. I didn't want to scare anyone (Ha ha, there's irony for you. Me scaring my vampire family), but I was beginning to worry that I wasn't going to make it to Friday. That was the day my cesarean was scheduled.

I didn't want to do it too early; Carlisle didn't think that her lungs were very well developed yet. There was a lot of guesswork there, of course, but I wanted to give her the best chance I possibly could. _Friday_, I mentally chanted to myself. _I can keep my heart beating until Friday. I'm strong enough for that._

Carlisle came in just as I was spitting out a mouthful of water. I was trying to clear the smell and taste of vomit and especially blood from my mouth. I had no worries about Carlisle losing control, of course; but I hated making him uncomfortable in his own home. I wasn't sure if the blood was mine, or left over from the cow's blood I had before going to bed. But I was afraid it was mine; I seemed to digest blood very quickly these days.

Carlisle greeted us all warmly, as he came over to examine me. He gently felt and prodded my abdomen. Then he frowned in a curious manner. "Edward," he said without raising his voice. That's all he needed to do to get Edward's attention. Edward would hear his name, softly spoken, from anywhere in the house. Well, anywhere except my soundproofed room, when the door was closed. Esme had the soundproofing installed shortly after I more or less moved in. I got to enjoy my expensive privacy for all of two days before we found out I was pregnant, and the door hadn't been closed since.

"Would you bring the sonograph from the infirmary?" Carlisle said it out loud for our benefit, not Edward's. I was sure Edward was already fetching the equipment before the words were spoken.

"I didn't think a sonograph would work anymore." I said.

"It wouldn't, yesterday," Carlisle answered. "But today the placenta is softer. It must be something like what happened to Jacob, when he was surrounded by so many vampires. It's strange. But then, what about this pregnancy isn't?" He shook his head in wonder.

Edward brought the equipment in and we set about making some more baby pictures. The jell and the probe were cold against my belly, but I was pretty well used to that. Soon we were looking at a fuzzy baby on the monitor. I couldn't help but smile when I looked at her, and I could see that I was not alone there.

"Her lungs aren't fully developed," Carlisle pronounced, "but they are functional. I think we could deliver her any day now, with very little risk to her."

I scowled.

"She's strong, Bella," Edward assured me. "She's a werewolf. I'm sure she'll be fine."

He didn't fool me. I could see the worry in his face.

I chewed my lip and summoned my courage. "Edward, would you mind getting me some cow's blood with a little salt and pepper, please? And Carlisle," I said timidly, "may I talk to you alone for a few minutes?"

"Uh, Jasper," I added as an afterthought, "do you think that will be alright?"

He nodded. "She's sleeping now," he said. "And I'll be right outside the room."

Edward, Rosalie and Jasper all left the room. Rosalie was the last one out. She closed the door behind her, giving us about as much privacy as was possible in the Cullen house.

"What is it, Bella?" Carlisle asked softly.

"A uh, couple of things," I said, wincing as I shifted positions. In less than a second, Carlisle was next to me with his hand on my back, helping me get more comfortable. I smiled in gratitude and continued. "We talked a little earlier about me making a will, but then I got so worried about Jacob that I didn't want to deal with it."

"Oh, of course," he said. "You want to just tell me what you want, and I'll have the family attorney draw it up?" A vampire's eidetic memory was another thing that was very convenient – except, of course, when it wasn't.

I shrugged. "I just want to leave most of my personal belongings to Renesmee, except for a few things that I want to set aside for a few friends... And all my money and the trust fund should be split between her and Jacob."

"Oh, ah," Carlisle responded with apparent embarrassment, "actually, Renesmee will have her own trust fund. That's automatic for any of our grandchildren, so you don't need to worry about that. But as for your trust fund, I'm afraid it's a life annuity – like Social Security. You can't will it to anyone. It can only convey to your spouse."

My face slumped. And I exhaled with my tongue lolling against my lower lip, making a rude noise before I caught myself.

Were the fates conspiring against me? I mean, seriously, what had I done to piss someone up there off? I just couldn't get married before I graduated high school. I couldn't! Renee would kill me! And Charlie would kill Jacob. Well actually, Charlie had already pretty much made his peace with it. But I'd rather face the Volturi alone than tell Renee that I was getting married a week before graduation – to a sixteen year old boy! _"Well Mom, we sort of have to do it now, since I'm about to have his baby."_ I shuddered at the thought.

Maybe I could distract her from the fact that I did the same stupid thing she did – the thing she spent eighteen long years drilling into me not to do – by pointing out thatchildbirth will probably kill me.

"But you can leave him all the money you already have, of course," Carlisle hastened to add. "And, as Renesmee's guardian, he'll receive a sizable household allowance until she's twenty one."

He paused a moment, then added, "You know, it wouldn't be hard to set up something for Jacob, like we did for you and our other children."

I shook my head. I knew Jacob. Inheriting his wife's estate would be one thing. Charity, especially from the Cullens, was another. "I guess just... all the money to Jacob, and everything that isn't specified to Renesmee, and I need to think about what kind of personal items I should leave to some of my close friends and family." A few books and CDs, maybe a piece of cheap jewelry or so, just to let some people know that they meant enough to me to remember them. I hoped that didn't make other people feel slighted.

"I'll have the lawyers draw it up," he said, "with a big space for addendums, so you can write in that sort of thing."

"Bella," he added, "I agree that you should make a will, but I don't think you're in much immediate danger – if we get her out soon. But I strongly recommend we do that right away. There's little point in waiting any longer."

That sounded good, but... "I think we should wait until after I have a chance to talk to the tribal council, though – if Jacob thinks it might help."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. "You might be right. You do provide a certain link between our people and theirs. The baby should provide an even better link: my granddaughter, and Billy Black's." He smiled and shook his head in wonder at the thought. "But we need to do it soon. So... no more than two more days. Agreed?"

I nodded. I sat silently for a moment, again screwing up my courage. "Could... could I meet Eleazar?" I asked. "Tonight. Before Jacob gets back?"

"Bella," Carlisle said, a bit condescendingly, "you shouldn't get your hopes up about any... special powers. And one more newborn really wouldn't make any difference."

"I know," I said. "But... Can I just meet him? Please?"

Carlisle locked eyes with me just for a moment, and I could just imagine how many things he thought he should be telling me. But then he just nodded again and said, "I'll go get him."

He left, and Rose, Jasper and Edward came back in. Jasper was staying close by to keep Renesmee from killing me. And Rose was acting as my bodyguard and 'female assistant'. That was making me feel more and more guilty every night. But she insisted, and I was in no condition to argue.

After giving me my drink, Edward asked if he should leave and let me get some sleep. I shook my head. "Carlisle's coming back in a few minutes," I said. There was no lie in my words or my voice, but I didn't see any need to mention Eleazar. "I don't want to put too many vampires around her right now; it might wake her up. If you went downstairs and played something, it might help me get back to sleep."

We shared a smile, and he kissed me chastely before heading downstairs to the grand piano in the living room. The house was so quiet and open that I could easily hear his playing, clearly but softly. I was hoping he would play Esme's theme, but he started with Chopin. I couldn't complain; it was still beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I almost dozed off in the five minutes or so it took for Carlisle to get Eleazar.

"Buenas noches, Bella. Esta bien?" he said warmly, in his distinctive Spanish accent. As close as I had come to dozing, it was as if he had just appeared in my room. I heard Edward's playing stop. But then it started back up again, maybe just a little more stiffly than before.

I sighed in relief. Edward still had issues about the possibility of me becoming a vampire. Ironically, his objections were just about as strong as Jacob's, so I was glad to know that he wasn't going to make a scene about me being 'tested'.

"I'm... fine. Thank you," I replied, not wanting to burden him with all my troubles. I hoped he kept the Spanish at the one oh one level, though. That was about the limit of what I could keep up with. I felt a nudge that told me my little girl was awake now as well. Was it just my imagination, or did she seem to perk up whenever anyone new entered the room?

"So," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice, "our Pretty Swan wants to know what kind of vampire she might become. Does the swan think herself an ugly duckling, who needs to transform to fit in with her family?" I hadn't heard anyone call me Pretty Swan in a while. My gram used to do it, every once in a while, when I was little. Bella Swan, Pretty Swan. Italian, not Spanish. But Eleazar had lived in Voltura for a few centuries.

And it was true: I had often thought of myself as the ugly duckling, growing up in Phoenix, where I was clumsy and pale, and more recently being surrounded by gods and goddesses here in Forks. Until very recently, I had wanted to transform, to stop being the ugly duckling and become the pretty swan in truth as well as name. Yes, it was exactly like he said. Who wouldn't feel inadequate in my shoes? Who wouldn't want to transform? But... the two most extraordinary men I have ever met or ever dreamed of meeting both thought that I was... well, beautiful. I had a hard time even thinking it, much less crediting it. But they did. And I had to believe them; they are not liars.

Besides, going from high schooler to mother was plenty enough transformation for me.

"No," I said confidently. "Eleazar, that isn't it. I just need to know – if there's a chance. If there's any way that I might help. If there's any way that I could save even one or two of the people I love."

He nodded in sad understanding. He too was facing the death of all he loved. Did the fact that they were fewer and had lived so much longer than my loved ones make it any less painful for him? Or did that only make it worse? I did not know. I still don't. But I know that we shared something in that moment. We had a common bond, a common pain, a common goal.

"Hmmm," he mused, looking at me in concentration. "Difficult. I think, but... No, I am certain. Shape shifter."

"Shape shifter?" I exclaimed.

Eleazar continued to stare at me in concentration. "No, wait," he said, with some chagrin. "That's your daughter."

"Oh. Qué sorpresa," I said with a grin.

"Si, some surprise," Eleazar agreed. "I think she – how do you say – comes to it honestly?"

"Comes by it honest."

He smiled, then his brow furrowed again, and he stared at me intently for a long breathless moment. Finally, he shook his head sadly and said, "No. I'm sorry. I sense nothing."

I gave a small shrug and tried not to show the depth of my disappointment. My family looked disappointed too. I imagine it was a bit like having your child fail to make the cut for the honors class.

Carlisle's expression looked different, though. He did not show disappointment, the way the others did. He was a bit like Charlie that way, always proud and taciturn whether I shined or failed. So I was a little surprised when he objected to Eleazar's verdict. "Are you certain, Eleazar?" he asked. "You know that Alice is having great trouble seeing her lately, and of course Edward cannot hear her at all. Perhaps you're having similar difficulty?"

"Alice is being blocked by the wolf child," Eleazar said. "The wolves dance to a tune that she cannot follow. To her, it is mere discordance. It must be the same for Edward. But I can see la niña's nature plainly, even swaddled as she is in her mother's womb. She does not thwart my gift."

"But Edward doesn't have any problem hearing the werewolves," I objected. "He hears Jacob and even Renesmee just fine. He just can't hear me."

"Still, it's probably interference from the child," said Eleazar waving off my objection. "Perhaps her thoughts, though indistinct, are drowning out your own."

"No. Edward's never been able to hear me," I said. "It doesn't have anything to do with Renesmee."

Or did it? After all, Alice could see the future. Even time was malleable to these magical creatures. Maybe Renesmee's thoughts could somehow drown mine out – in the past? I cringed at the thought that Edward might be able to hear me, as soon as the baby was delivered. Another good reason to wait.

My words took Eleazar by surprise. He turned to Carlisle and asked, "Esta verdad? He has never been able to hear her? Are there many humans like that?"

"No," said Edward, who was now standing in my doorway. "Bella is the only sentient being I have ever met who I cannot hear. Her father is difficult, but I can hear him. But Bella has been as silent as The Sphinx since the day we met."

Eleazar's eyes widened further in surprise, and his nostrils flared. He gave a small gasp. "Uno momento, por favor." He darted out of the room, looking like he was about to be sick. Edward moved at the same time he did, getting out of his way and coming into the room to put himself between me and Eleazar at the same time. I was confused for a moment, until I saw Eleazar taking deep breaths of air out in the hallway. He had been fine talking to me, but apparently he must have lost his concentration. Something surprised him, and my scent had almost overpowered him.

It was a little like what happened on my birthday. I needed to be very careful not to cut myself around Eleazar. My eyes shot down to the trash pail beside my bed, and I noticed that it was not the same one I had spit blood into earlier. Someone had been on his or her, probably her, toes.

Eleazar took a final deep breath, held it, and strode silently back into the room. He came straight over to me until his legs were touching the side of my bed. He stared at me with a greater intensity than he had before. Edward stiffened and moved a little closer to me, but he didn't say anything or try to interfere. I was sure that Eleazar's thoughts must have convinced Edward that he was in control, but Edward was still wary. Knowing how over-cautious Edward is, I decided that I didn't have anything to worry about and turned my attention back to Eleazar's golden eyes.

I locked eyes with this strange vampire, and it was like looking into two endless voids, surrounded by golden flames. Even Edward's eyes had never looked so... mesmerizing. I wondered if Edward had ever tried this hard to pierce the veil that hides my mind. At least, he was never this blatant about it.

I don't know how long we stared at each other that way. It probably wasn't long; I had not grown stiff or uncomfortable when Eleazar broke the connection. But I did notice that his cold hand was now pressed firmly against my forehead, and I did not remember him putting it there.

He stepped back just a little, closed his eyes and held up his hand in a gesture that said he needed a moment. He slowly let out the breath he had been holding, then, even more slowly, took in a new one. There was a palpable tension in the room that even I could sense, like everyone was holding their breaths. And I could sense Jasper's calming presence and power. That power was focused primarily on Eleazar, but I had a friendly buzz going just from the spillover. When, after a few moments, Eleazar's breathing returned to normal, and he opened his eyes again. They looked... embarrassed?

"I should have known," he said, grinning ruefully. "The silence should have told me. I should have been able to sense something, even from the most ordinary human. Dim, distant, indistinct... A little something that could never amount to anything is what I get from most humans. But from Bella, nothing. As Edward said: as silent as The Sphinx. And, I would add, as dark as a starless sky. She is the strongest shield I have ever encountered."

"You mean, if she becomes a vampire?" Jasper asked.

"I mean now!" Eleazar exclaimed. "Even in her weakened condition, I never got past her! But I do have the sense of her talent now. It's strong, but flexible. I was able to push in against it just a little, before she pushed back, so hard I could not even sense my own talent! I believe she can block any purely mental invasion or influence. If she became a vampire... Hmm..."

"No," said Edward, interrupting him. "Absolutely not."

"….we should let Kate test her." Eleazar finished his sentence before he noticed that Edward had already responded to it.

"Edward," he chided, "Kate could give us a fair measure of how well she'd stand up against Jane! Their talents are very similar."

"Look at her, Eleazar!" Edward argued in an angry but hushed tone. They both looked at me. Everyone did – even me.

I was swollen in some places – my stomach and breasts mostly – and gaunt everywhere else. My skin had a yellowish pallor; my liver and kidneys were not holding up well to all the stress they were under. My womb and abdomen were being stretched unnaturally; the bruises there had all but merged into one giant bruise, which caused my belly to swell even more than it would have otherwise. Bruises are caused by tiny broken blood vessels, and I had so many that even I could smell blood in my sweat. And I ached all over. Even my eyes were bloodshot, and the rings beneath them probably looked even worse now than they did last night, before I went to bed.

"One good flinch from pain," Edward continued, "could tip her over the edge, force her into labor or even force the placenta to detach. It could kill her, kill them both!"

"I wasn't suggesting that Kate hit her full strength, Edward," Eleazar argued reasonably. "She has a fair degree of control."

"I know," said Edward, "I've sparred against her. But when has she ever experimented on a human?"

"Her mildest jolt is very mild. I am certain a human would feel no worse than a bee sting or a sharp slap," countered Eleazar.

"But you don't know," snapped Edward through clenched teeth.

"Edward," I said softly, holding out my hand to his. He turned to me and took my hand, but then he turned back to glare at Eleazar.

"Would you all excuse us for just a minute?" I asked the others.

They all filed out of my room. Rose went last and shut the door behind her.

"Edward," I said again, slightly louder but still calm. I knew this was hard for him. And it was about to get harder. "Do you remember what you said last September? That you weren't going to live without me?"

That got his attention, and he locked eyes with me. I just held his gaze for a minute.

"I'll make a deal with you," I said, continuing to hold his eyes with mine, willing him to understand the seriousness of what I was saying. I stroked his hand soothingly as I talked. "If you will let me do everything in my power to keep my loved ones alive, then I promise to go on – no matter who I lose, or how many. If I've done my best, if I did everything I could to save them, then I will get up in the morning. I will brush my teeth. I will eat. I will go to work or school, and spend time with my friends. I will live. I did it before. I didn't think I could, but I did. I will even try to find someone... not someone like you or Jacob, I'm not looking for miracles, but someone who can help bring me back from the abyss, kind of like Jacob did."

"But Edward, if I haven't done everything I possibly could, then I won't be **able** to do that. That's not a threat. It's the plain and simple truth. I won't be **able**."

He considered my words for a brief moment. Vampires' minds work very fast, so it was about like a human thinking it over for half an hour or so. "When you say everything," he said tentatively. "You won't... you won't sacrifice yourself for anyone – except Renesmee."

I shook my head slowly from side to side. "Sorry. I won't promise that," I said. "If you or Jake, or Alice, or Rose, or even Paul or Leah is about to get killed, and I can stop it, then I will. But I will promise to be as careful as I can, and only take risks if I feel I really have to."

Edward sighed in defeat. "Fine. You can take any risk you feel you need to, but you have to promise to let me take it from you if I can."

I did not like that. I would much rather I died than Edward.

He seemed to sense the course of my thoughts, even if he couldn't hear them. "It would be pointless anyway," he said. "It would serve absolutely no purpose to sacrifice yourself for me, because I do not promise to go on without you. Swear it Bella. Swear you will let me take whatever danger I can from you, and that you will go on no matter who you lose, or how many, and I will let you take whatever dangers I cannot take in your pace."

I frowned and reflexively looked down at my belly. I wondered if I would keep that habit after it was flat again. Probably. I don't pick up habits easily, but I almost never kick them once I do. I looked at Edward's hand, still clasping my own. It was so white, and smooth and cool and beautiful. I hoped I would have a chance to see it sparkle in the sunshine again. Slowly, I twisted my hand in his, until only our pinkies were still locked together. I looked back up into his golden eyes. And we shook.

Edward let the others back in, and I wasn't very surprised to see Kate with them.

"You always get your way with Edward," said Rosalie airily. "I thought I'd save us some time and go ahead and fetch her."

I smiled at my comrade in arms. Rose and I had been acting like a team ever since we discovered I was pregnant.

"So, you want to see if you can resist my touch?" asked Kate, flexing her fingers menacingly.

I nodded absently. There was something bothering me about the conversation I just had with Edward. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But then I realized I was being rude, so I shoved it aside for later.

"Yes. Thank you, Kate," I said. "I hope I'm not just wasting everyone's time."

"I hope not too," said Kate, not unkindly. "I have to warn you though, even my mildest jolt hurts! And that's against vampires. I've never tested it on a human. The few times I've felt the need to use my touch on a human I was not trying to be gentle."

I nodded.

"Bella," said Carlisle, "I want you to relax. Remember that Kate's touch has no lasting effects. So, even if it hurts you, it's not going to actually harm you. Don't be frightened. And try not to jerk from it. The pain shouldn't transmit to the baby, but your reaction could startle her."

"Shouldn't transmit?" I asked. "You mean you're not sure."

"We're in uncharted waters," he said. "Bella, if an army of vampires wasn't coming to kill you, I would never allow this."

Well, nothing like a little bluntness to put things into perspective. I settled even deeper into my cushions and tried to make myself comfortable. I stretched my left arm out a little closer to Kate, in about the same position I would put it if Carlisle was going to draw some blood.

"I'm ready," I said.

Kate came over to me. She held her palm just a couple of inches above my wrist and said, "One, two, three."

On three, she touched my wrist. I jerked my hand back as if I had been shocked.

"Did that hurt much?" she asked.

"No," I said apologetically. "You didn't get me. I just couldn't help jerking back. I'm sorry. Can we try again?"

Kate arched her eyebrows. "I got you before you jerked back, Bella. If you didn't feel anything, then your talent is working. Let's go again."

She didn't bother counting this time, just laid her hand lightly on my wrist. I only twitched a little this time, as I grew more confident that it wasn't going to hurt.

Kate wrinkled her brow. "I'm going to do it a little harder, okay?"

I nodded, and again she touched me. I didn't twitch this time. Her hand was cold, but I'm used to that.

Kate frowned and went again. And again. After five tries, she said, "Okay, no more playing around. I'm giving you all I've got this time."

I nodded. I wasn't sure if I should try to relax, or brace myself. I settled for taking deep breaths and focusing on pains that had nothing to do with vampires' touches. Kate pressed her hand against me and scrunched up her face. She looked a little like she was trying to open a pickle jar, and a little like she was trying to close the jar back again – after biting into a really, really sour one. I couldn't help but let out a single snort of a laugh at that thought. That probably wasn't very smart of me.

Kate glared at me, and I covered my mouth in embarrassment. Then she laughed too.

"This is her talent's human strength?" she asked. Then she turned to Eleazar. "What will it become?"

Eleazar shrugged. "Yo no sé," he replied, before taking pity on the linguistically impaired. "I don't know. It blocks me so well, I cannot take its measure. But I believe she will be able to shield others besides herself."

"How many?" asked Carlisle.

"Again, I don't know," he answered. "Renata is able to shield up to four others, and her talent was so weak as a human that I had only the barest hint it was there. Enrique can protect a full dozen from fire, but they must all hold hands. I did not know him as a human, but I heard his tale. He was a fireman in Chicago, who rescued over a dozen people in the great fire. But even so, he was not strong enough to save himself. His own burns would have been fatal if Randal had not changed him."

Carlisle spoke up. "Do you think...?"

I don't guess I'll ever know what Carlisle was about to ask. Then next thing I knew, the early morning sun was sneaking into my room around the edges of my drapes. I was happy to see Edward was sitting in the chair by the window. He smiled when he saw I was awake.

I smiled back, but my stomach lurched, and I was even more glad to see Rosalie than I had been to see Edward. I hated having Rosalie carry me to the bathroom, but it was infinitely better than having Edward do it. I noticed that Jasper was also still there, standing unobtrusively by the wall, still keeping Renesmee calm – and me alive.

What a family I have.

"Was I dreaming, or did I resist Kate's touch last night?" I asked Rosalie, when she came to help me.

"Resist? More like you ignored it. Did you see the look on her face? It was priceless."

Without waiting for my response, she scooped me up and carried me to the bathroom. I grinned back at her and tried not to look too pleased with myself.

Once I'd freshened up a bit, I was able to walk back into the bedroom under my own power. I was a little surprised, when I thought about it, that Edward was still there. After all, we weren't dating any more, and Rose and Jasper could handle any emergencies. It wasn't that I minded, but knowing his sense of propriety, I was surprised he would spend the night in my room. I looked at him quizzically, and even though he couldn't exactly read my mind, he seemed to know what I was thinking. That's probably about the way he was, back when he was human—not exactly a mind reader, but perceptive.

"You had us a little worried. One minute you were engaged in the conversation, the next you were out like a light. Carlisle said it was just exhaustion, but...," he shrugged, "Rose let me stay."

"It was easier than biting his head off again," said Rose. I think she was joking.

Something still bothered me, and it wasn't just the mild impropriety of Edward being in my room all night. Then I remembered. "Last night," I said, "we talked about whether I would sacrifice myself, if one of my friends was about to get killed."

Edward nodded. "But only if I don't see it first."

I shuddered but didn't let myself get distracted. "But you all move so fast. I could never see one of you _about_ to get killed, any more than I could see Jake take Riley's hand or Irina's arms. One second, they were a few feet apart, the next he had something in his mouth," I explained.

"Last night," I said with conviction, "you were talking like you expect me to become a vampire."

Edward's face contorted as if he was in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Then he looked up at me sadly.

"What did Alice see after Jake left?" I asked.

Edward looked like he was trying to decide how to tell me, but Rose said, "Oh, for pity's sake. I can tell it better anyway."

"At first, Alice couldn't see anything. Too many stinking werewolves involved—excuse me, aromatically impaired werewolves. Anyway, then Emmett says, 'We should give some serious thought about just telling the Quileute to run. Even the Volturi would have a hard time tracking them all down.' We considered that, and as soon as we did, Alice could see again. She could see our future, if we followed that course, because our destinies wouldn't be so wrapped up with the werewolves."

"And?" I prodded.

Rosalie sighed. "Not good. The Volturi would still use our alliance with the werewolves as an excuse to attack us – excuse, not reason. They're just waiting for an excuse."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Why do countries go to war? They covet what we've got, and they fear our growing power."

"Are you really that powerful?"

"Yes and no," she said. "We're probably the second most powerful coven, after them, and Tanya's coven is probably third. But Carlisle also has a powerful network of friends—which of course we can't call on now because the Volturi are right: the dogs really are vampires' natural enemies." I started to object, but she wouldn't let me. "Well, they are! At least, they're anti-homovore, which almost all vampires are. But even if all Carlisle's friends did stand with us, we wouldn't have any real chance against the Volturi – as long as Alec can send us all to oblivion."

"Then why fear you?"

"Because we're growing," said Edward. "We gain more powerful allies every decade. And, like Rose said, they covet what we have – especially Alice and Eleazar. Alice could give an army an almost-unbeatable edge in battle. And Eleazar will some day find someone with a gift to rival Alec's."

"Someone like you," said Rose.

"That's still just speculation," said Edward angrily.

Jasper shook his head, joining the discussion. "Alice is not just speculating."

I turned to him, not sure what he meant. "Once she saw past the werewolves," he said, "one thing came clear: if you don't become a vampire, we're all dead."

"It's not that simple." Edward said, emphatically. I think he would have been shouting if Jasper wasn't keeping us all calm.

"Yes, Edward," said Jasper. "It is. If she does become a vampire, our future becomes cloudy. We're still probably dead, but at least there's a chance. But if she doesn't, our future is carved in stone. Gravestones."

"Alice can't see Bella's future because she's carrying a werewolf," Edward said simply. "When she tries to factor Bella into the equation, the future gets blurry. But that doesn't mean that anything's changed! Bella, you don't have to do this."

His voice sounded odd. It was, at the same time, firm and pleading—yet resigned. Though he tried to deny it, he knew what I was going to say.

"It's okay, Edward," I tried to make my weak voice sound as soothing as I could. "I already made up my mind. I told you: if there's a chance I can save my friends, I'm going to do it."

"How are you going to break it to Jacob?" asked Rose.

"I don't know yet," I said softly.

"Well, you'd better think quick," she said. Just then, the doorbell rang.

It took about two minutes for Jacob to get up to my room – and everyone else to clear out. The cowards. Yeah, I know; this one was all on me. At least Jasper didn't go far. He stood by the door, just outside my room.

"Hey, Jake," I greeted him cheerfully. Okay, maybe I let a little pain constrict my voice, but I really didn't have to fake it. I lifted my face, for him to give me a kiss, but he only scowled, his nostrils flaring. That wasn't a good sign. He could obviously tell that Eleazar and Kate had been in my room, and he could guess the reason why. I braced myself for the tirade I was sure was coming. I saw the emotions play across Jacob's face: uncertainty, suspicion, anger, and finally, resignation. His eyes went down and away from me, like he couldn't stand the sight of me.

"I'd better go," he said, his voice low and breaking even more painfully than mine had.

"No, Jake. Please don't," I pleaded. I struggled to sit up more fully. The pain made me wince, but I didn't lie back down.

Jake cringed when he saw that I was in pain. And he seemed to struggle with himself, half wanting to come to me, half wanting to get far away. Instead he stood in the doorway, his muscles tight from anger and anguish.

"Why not? Why should I stay where I'm not wanted."

"You are wanted! I want you. Please, Jacob. I need you."

"Need me? You said you loved me!" he practically shouted. He continued only slightly calmer. "You said you wanted to be with me. You said you wanted to be this child's mother, and for us to be a family."

"I do!"

"Yeah, you want all of those things, but not as much as you want to be a vampire! As soon as I left, you asked Eleazar to tell you what kind of vampire you'd become, didn't you?" He didn't wait for my answer before adding, "Well? Will you be special?"

His sarcasm was so thick he practically spit the last word. I had more than half expected it, and I really couldn't blame him. But still, he needed to face facts.

"Jacob," I whispered, "look at me. Don't you see what bearing our baby is doing to me? You think that being her mother isn't the most important thing in the world to me? I would die for her, Jacob!"

"But would you live for her?"

"Yes! Dang it, Jacob. Do you still not understand what's going on here? Everyone I love is about to be killed! You really think I'm going to just sit back and watch it happen?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it again without saying anything.

"You almost died yesterday, and I could hardly bear it. But I didn't just sit and watch. I did the only thing I knew how to do. And miracle of miracles, it worked! Maybe it will again."

"Do you really think one more vampire will make that much difference?"

I closed my eyes and tried to picture it. I wanted to say yes, or at least maybe. But I promised I would never lie to him again.

"No," I conceded. "But I have to try, Jacob. I have to hope. That's the only thing keeping me going."

He came over to sit beside me and placed one hand lightly on my belly. "Isn't this enough to keep you going? Can't you just take care of her, and let us take care of the vampire army? Someone will have to get her to safety, you know? Someone will have to run with her. Why can't that be you?"

I had to think about that for a moment. He was right. Someone would have to run with her. I nodded and looked down at my stomach. Jacob's warm hand felt so wonderful resting there. And I did so desperately want to meet this little girl, to have the time to get to know her. Was that too much to ask? Was that so wrong? Someone would have to take her and run.

But that someone couldn't be me.

"Do you remember how I was, last Winter, when I thought Edward – my whole family – had abandoned me?" I asked.

I stroked his hand and waited for him to look me in the eyes before I continued. "Can you imagine how I would be if I abandoned my family – abandoned you – to your deaths? You wouldn't want that woman raising your daughter, Jacob. She wouldn't be a good mother, or... anything. She wouldn't be anything. Just a zombie. I don't want to be a zombie, Jacob. I'd rather die." Jake looked like he wanted to argue, but then he just slumped in defeat. He knew that I was telling the truth; I'm an open book. And I realized that I would have become a vampire even if I didn't have the talent Eleazar saw. Even if I was the one who would try to get Renesmee to safety, I would need a vampire's strength to do it.

But what I told him was true: I wasn't going to do that. I was going to fight.

I told Jacob about what Eleazar and Alice had seen.

He laid down beside me then, and we were both quiet for a time, lost in our own thoughts. Finally I said, "I'm going to become a vampire."

"Bella," he said, his voice cracking in sadness. "Please don't"

There was a time I would have scolded him. Told him to butt out. Told him it was my body, my choice. But things were different now. He was my beloved, and I was going somewhere he couldn't follow. We both knew that no matter how things went, things between us would never be the same again. "Oh Jacob," was all I could say. And then my lips were too full of his to say anything else – anything that needed words.

His lips were hot. Hotter than I remembered. And he crushed my mouth hard to his, so hard it might have hurt; but I didn't feel it. At least, I didn't feel it as pain.

I cried out softly. I wasn't trying to keep my voice down. In this house? What would be the point? But to cry out any louder, I would have had to first get back my breath. Jake had taken it away, and I didn't know when he would give it back. I forgot who's house we were in. Forgot that Edward was just downstairs. Forgot Jasper, still standing in the doorway, keeping his silent vigil, keeping my unborn child from killing me. My pain and even all my fears were forgotten for a time. There was only Jacob.

It was 'just' a kiss. But what a kiss! He filled my senses. I loved his heat, his softness, his hardness, his taste and especially his scent. I remembered telling Alice, 'You both smell fine to me,' back when she first told me how terrible werewolves smelled to her. But I was lying, and I'm sure Alice knew it. I'm sure I must have blushed crimson. They didn't smell 'fine.' They smelled fantastic!

For the vampires, there was a simple explanation. According to Alice, they smelled good to humans to help them attract prey. I forgot all about that evolutionary reason for it whenever I was with Edward. But I reminded myself of it whenever I was around the others. Remembering its true purpose made it a little less embarrassing to be so attracted to my best friend and my boyfriend's whole family. But with the werewolves...

Well actually, the werewolves didn't smell that good to me. Just Jacob. I loved the smell of Jacob. I was going to lose that soon. That was enough, all by itself, to make me want to cry.

It was a long time before I let him go. When I finally did, I had enough sensitivity to hope that Edward had gone out to visit with the Denali – or gone hunting. He would need to put some distance between himself and Jacob and-or thoroughly distract himself to block Jacob's thoughts. I'm sure he did. He's not a fool, or a masochist.

When we finally pulled back a bit, I looked into his eyes, and we got just as lost in each other's eyes as we had in each other's mouths. It was me who finally broke the silence. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" he asked.

I shook my head. "You already know what I'm thinking, why I have to do this."

He nodded. "Would you believe," he asked. "I was just thinking of a poem: 'To Lucasta, On Going To The Wars.' You know it?"

I nodded. "I could not love thee, dear, so much," I recited, "loved I not honor more." I liked that one too.

"You found the loophole," he said. "The one thing that would let you become a vampire without me raising a fuss."

"And I found it after I stopped looking," I said.

"Funny how things work that way."

After a pause, he whispered, "This is so hard."

I nodded. "I should be mad at you for that." He cocked an eyebrow, so I explained: "I did want to become a vampire, Jacob. I've already admitted that. I won't try to deny it now. You're the only reason this is hard. Well, you and your daughter. But I can handle being separated from her for a while, if that's what it takes to keep her alive. Losing you is the hard part, the hardest part. I can't bear the thought that you won't love me anymore."

Jake started in surprise. "Is that what you think? You listen to me Isabella Swan. I will always love you. It doesn't matter what you become. Do you hear me? As long as..." he paused, "as long as you're you. It doesn't matter what you are, as long as inside, you're still you."

I kissed him lightly on the cheek. "As long as I'm me, I'll love you too."

He was quiet again for a while, then he said, "Bella, this... mind shield of yours..."

"Mine field?" I teased.

"I said 'mind shield'. But that too," he said, then he took a breath. "What if it stops Carlisle's talent?"

"What?" I asked. "What talent?"

"Compassion," he said.

I was still confused.

"You were the one who told me: Carlisle's special quality, what he brought with him and got amplified when he became a vampire, it's compassion."

"Okay...," I said, "but how could that affect me, or not affect me?"

"I don't think its just that he **is** compassionate," he explained, "I think he brings out compassion in others."

I stared at him blankly.

"Think about it Bella," he continued. "Hundreds of vampires in the world today. Thousands throughout history. And only Carlisle's extended family refrains from killing people. Jas told me about the Southern wars, while we were taking a break from sparring. He personally knew of hundreds of people who became vampires. And every one of them became a killer. Every single one of them. Even him."

I looked over at Jasper, standing in the doorway. He looked thoughtful. When he saw me looking at him, he shrugged and said in his southern drawl, "Well, it seemed like the thing to do at the time."

"What was the first thing Alice did when she found you?" asked Jake.

"Made love," Jasper drawled. Jake looked at him askance.

"Second thing, then."

"Brought me to Carlisle," Jasper conceded.

"She loved you," said Jake, "and she didn't want you to be a killer."

"But what about Alice?" I asked. "She was already compassionate before she ever met Carlisle."

Jake shrugged. "One in a thousand. One in a million, maybe? Maybe the guy who changed her was like Carlisle and passed some of his compassion on to her. Isn't that what Alice said: 'He must have been one of the rare compassionate vampires, like Carlisle'? Have you noticed that the Cullens are the only vampires who even seem to have last names? We've started calling the Denali coven 'the Denali' for convenience, but that's really just where they live."

"So?" I asked, missing the segue.

"Giving up your last name is a way of renouncing your family. It's easier to kill Whitlocks if you're not a Whitlock anymore," he said with a glance at Jasper, "or a Hale or a Brandon."

Jasper clinched his jaw. "It's a little more complicated that that," he said, "but..." He shrugged.

Jasper Whitlock. I hadn't even known that.

"But," I objected, "not all of his friends have become vegetarians. Garret, Peter and Charlotte..."

"All things have limits. I bet he has to get really close to someone to change them that much, and they probably have to be open to the change. But I bet even Peter and Charlotte are more... humane in their hunting than they used to be."

I saw agreement from Jasper. "I've kinda thought about that, too. Even the Volturi mellowed a bit when Father was with them. Never thought that you might be immune to it though, or what that might mean to you."

I held up my hand to signal them both to stop. I had to think about this for a minute. Could Jacob be right?

Was predator a vampire's natural state? Of course, it was. But was Carlisle the common denominator for all the peaceful vampires? With the possible exception of Alice, he seemed to be. Even Tanya's coven, the Denali, didn't stop killing people until after the Cullens lived with them for a while.

But was it more than just setting a good example? That was a harder question to answer. But it stood to reason. Rosalie Hale had been as selfish and self centered as Jessica or Lauren ever were, but the only people she ever killed as a vampire were the men who raped her and left her for dead. I'm sure there were much nicer – gentler – people who had become vampires, people who had been like Angela or Seth or Mike – or me – when they were human. And they had all become killers, almost all of them. A compassionate vampire was so rare it was almost a contradiction in terms. A freak of nature among freaks of nature.

I started to tremble. I looked over at Jasper, who was still looking at me thoughtfully. "Will there be enough of me left to even want to keep my old friends safe?" I asked. "Or will I just join the Volturi?"

"It isn't quite that bad, Bella," said Jasper. "When I became a vampire, I didn't completely stop caring. It just that... the craving is very strong, like the strongest drug addiction. And as a newborn, it's hard to think about anything else. And drinking human blood seemed – still seems – natural. It's like you eating meat. It doesn't mean you hate animals or want to be cruel to them. It's just the natural order of things. But that doesn't mean you can't care about a dog or cat or even a cow or pig... Uh, I mean..."

He looked at me with a kind of guilty embarrassment. It was okay. I already knew it, sort of. To the vampires, to most of them, I was somewhere between family member and family pet. If I couldn't deal with that, I would have walked away when I first learned what Edward was.

Jasper went on. "It is true that I renounced the name, Whitlock. I was no longer one of them. But I did still care about my human family and friends. I wanted to keep them safe. I just knew that, if I got anywhere near them, I would be a bigger danger to them than anything. So the best I could do was stay away from them. And, well, I was killin' people. I didn't want to put my family's name on that."

"The best I can tell you is this," he added, "which I learned from some who were changed under better circumstances than I was. If you focus very hard on the things you care about in this life, very early in your new life, before the memories begin to fade, then you will continue to remember and care about them – forever. Or, as vampires say, until the Volturi catch you."

I looked back at Jake. Wordless understanding passed between us. It would have to be enough. There wasn't any choice.

"Jasper," I said. "Could we have a little privacy. We'll call you right away if she stirs."

"You sure, Bella?" asked Jacob, laying his hand on my stomach.

I felt just a little movement inside me. She seemed to sense her daddy's warm touch. And she liked it. It was funny that she seemed to like my vampire family and their cold touches too. Edward could calm her down as easily as Jake could. I guess she really did take after her mother. I nodded, and Jasper closed the door.

"I love you, Jacob Black," I said as soon as I heard the door latch click.

"You needed privacy to tell me that?"

"No. To show you."

We did a bit more than kiss this time. Sorry. You don't need the details. I loved Jacob black, and I needed memories, fresh memories and strong ones, that I could hold on to. I knew that the pain of transformation would be too strong for me to think about anything else, but I would concentrate on these memories for as long as I could, and think about them again as soon as the pain subsided. I would force myself to remember that the reason I was going through that horrible pain was to keep my loved ones safe. Any benefit I gained – beauty, strength, immortality – I would credit to them; it was for their sake that I would gain them. And any price I paid – the pain of transformation, the never-ending thirst, the loss of some of what makes me me – I would blame on the Volturi.

"Jacob," I said after a while, "will you marry me?"


	12. Proposal

**12. Proposal**

Jacob stared at me for almost thirty seconds. "What?" he asked.

Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

"I said, 'Will you marry me?'"

He was caught somewhere between a smile and a suspicious glare. I guess suspicion won out because then he asked, "Why?"

"Jacob!" I complained. "You're spoiling the moment."

But Jacob didn't waver. He just looked at me like he was still waiting for an answer.

"Oh, because I love you. There. Is that a good enough reason?"

Jake seemed to think about it for a few seconds, then he said, "No. I'm sorry Bella, but it isn't."

I gawked.

"For one thing," he continued, "you love lots of people, including the guy who's probably eavesdropping on my thoughts right now." His voice got a little louder there.

"No, he wouldn't," I said. But I wasn't really so sure.

"You still love him," Jake said, stressing each word. "About as much as you love me. And if I'm a little ahead right now, that's not a good enough reason to get married. Neither is the baby. It's not like she won't have a father if we don't get married. I'm here. As long as I'm alive, I'll always be here, for both of you. Look, I do want to marry you. But I know my reasons. I don't just love you, you're the only woman in the world for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I'm absolutely certain that I won't ever look back and wonder if I made the right choice."

He paused a moment before he said more softly, "I don't think all those things are true for you."

I slumped into my cushions and looked glumly at my belly. What could I say?

"That's okay," he added. "You can still have reasons that are good enough. But I need to know what they are. Why does the anti-bride, who a few weeks ago ranked teenage marriage as a little bit worse than killing people for their blood, suddenly want to get married?"

Ouch. It was my turn to think about it. I loved Jacob, but it was also true that I still loved Edward. This wasn't just and impulsive act born of a passionate moment or two, was it? And I wasn't just doing this for the baby's sake, was I? Those things did play a role here; I couldn't deny that. And then there was my trust fund. Well, I would feel like a total rat if I denied it to him just because of my stupid matriphobia. But on the other hand, was I overcompensating? Was I so worried that my fear of marriage was hurting him that I was acting impulsively, possibly making an even bigger mistake?

No. No, I didn't think so.

"I, Bella Swan the human," I said clearly, like I was making a vow, "love you Jacob Black, more than any other. But I don't know what Bella the vampire will be like. It's easy, maybe too easy, for me to promise to love you for the rest of my life - because this life will be over in a few short days. Soon there will be a new Bella. I can't make any promises for her, Jacob, not that I can force her to keep. She's going to be different than I am. I want her to be Bella Black. I want her to love you forever. But I can't guarantee it. All I can do is try to bind her as tightly to this life and to the people I love as I can. And I want you to know, I want everyone to know, that you're not just the one who knocked me up. You're the one I chose. I love you Jake, and I want the world to know it."

"Is that good enough?"

He looked at me seriously, seemed to think about it, then finally said, "Yes. I'll marry you."

We kissed, of course.

"I don't have an engagement ring," said Jacob. "I'll get you one," he hastened to add, as he dug down into his pocket. "But maybe this will tide you over. I made it – well, I made part of it – for a graduation present."

"I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to graduate," I said. "I've missed so many days."

Jacob snorted dismissively at that and pulled out a small pouch from his pocket. In it was a small silver charm bracelet with just one charm on it, a russet-colored wolf, hand-carved out of wood. Small as it was, I could see intricate details, and the wood almost exactly matched the color of his fur, in his wolf form. It was beautiful.

"It's beautiful, Jacob. I love it," I said.

"It'll have to do dual duty, as friendship bracelet and promise ring – until I can get you a proper engagement ring. Quileute promise rings are normally hand-braided bracelets, I should have made you one of those, but I didn't want you think I was pressuring you." He laughed when he said that.

It was kind of funny. It was hardly Jacob's fault that I had been acting distant for the last few weeks. I hadn't been feeling distant – emotionally, that is. I had been longing for him more than ever. Even being with Edward and the Cullens had not sated that. I'm sure, though, that if I had another forced absence from Edward, I would feel the same way. I missed both of them terribly when they weren't around. But the pain I caused Jacob, by forcing him to stay away from me and leaving him completely in the dark about it, had made his absence infinitely worse.

We cuddled and snuggled a bit, trying to make up for lost time, before I decided it was time to face the music – or rather, the musician.

"If he's been a good boy, then he doesn't know yet," I said. "And it wouldn't be right to let him find out by picking up a stray thought, from you or anyone else. I have to tell him. The sooner the better."

"All right. I'll try to keep my thoughts to myself for a while," said Jacob. "I'll try to think about Pack stuff. Oh, that reminds me, we have to be at a special tribal council meeting this afternoon at two."

"You didn't think that was worth mentioning earlier?"

"Hey, I was distracted by the crazy pregnant lady who wants to be a vampire, and marry a werewolf." He shook his head. "And marry _me_. Wow. I still can't believe that part."

I grinned in agreement. Weird as the rest might have sounded to anyone else, it was the getting married part that threw me for a loop too.

Jacob helped me walk to the restroom to freshen up. At least he didn't insist on carrying me, the way Rosalie did. Rosalie was very considerate, but I think she got a bit impatient at my slow pace. On the other hand, even leaning on Jake, every step felt like a kick in the gut, followed up by a well-placed punch in the ribs. I didn't let Jacob see how bad it was, but what he saw was enough that he wouldn't let me walk back. After I finished washing my face, gargling and jerking a brush through the tangled mat of my hair, he lifted me like I was a baby and carried me back to bed. Like Rosalie, he made it look effortless, though he was nowhere near as strong as she was, at least not in his human form.

He set me on the bed and pulled some cushions around me so that I could sit up fairly comfortably. Then he opened the door to the hallway. "Jasper," I called, "could someone get Edward – and Alice too. I need to talk to both of them."

"This got anything to do with that wave of joy I felt a few minutes ago?" he asked, grinning.

I blushed. "Maybe," I said.

"Maybe y'all ought to leave Alice out of it then," he said. "I know I look easy going, but I get a might jealous sometimes."

"Jasper!" I squealed. "You're terrible!"

"Hey, none of my business what you and Jacob and Edward do. But I figure the only way you could be that happy...," he teased.

"Well, you figured wrong," I said, blushing even deeper than before.

"Very wrong," said Jacob.

"Prob'ly for the best," said Jasper sagely. "Ya get that happy, and the gods're bound to punish you. Maybe bring an army of vampires down on ya or somethin'. Oh, wait."

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "You going to get them?"

"Already did," he said, tapping his temple with his index finger. "I think that's them now."

A few seconds later, Edward and Alice came flying down the hall to join us. As long as I've been with them, it's still disconcerting to watch vampires move when they're not pretending to be human. They weren't even in a hurry, and I knew they weren't trying to impress us, but they walked so lightly that they seemed to float, and they still moved faster than Olympic sprinters. I shook my head and concentrated on more important matters.

Alice went straight to Jacob and gave him a hug. They held a quick embrace and went "Pee ewe," behind each other's backs. That was a little comic ritual they had started back when Alice was staying with me and Charlie. Everyone else chuckled, but I actually got a tear in my eye, seeing it again. Dang pregnancy, making me so emotional.

Edward greeted Jacob with a quick nod and said, "Jacob."

Jake responded just as politely, "Edward."

Then Edward turned to me and asked, "How are you feeling? Is Nessie alright?"

Okay, I know we had important matters to discuss, but... "Nessie?"

"Nessie!" I repeated angrily. "Her name is Renesmee." I carefully enunciated each syllable. "Is that really so hard to say? Or are you just trying to upset me?"

"Uh," Jacob cleared his throat and said, "he might have gotten that from me."

I turned to glare at him. Why was I marrying this idiot again? "You nicknamed our daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?"

"No. Bells. I..." He stammered senselessly before apparently realizing that there was no excuse for his lunacy. "Look," he said, "I'm not going to fight with you now, you're too frail. And I won't be able to fight with you later, you'll be too strong. But I think I should be able to claim daddy's privilege on the nickname."

I glowered while I got my fury back under control. I looked over at Jasper, and he made a motion of stroking a swollen belly and shrugging – apparently his flippant way of telling me that my hormones were more than even he could compensate for.

I disagreed. I thought that the reason his calming influence had failed to have much effect was because my reaction had been perfectly reasonable and justified. Renesmee is a beautiful name. The Loch Ness Monster is gross, and one too many monsters for this family.

"Fine," I hissed through gritted teeth. I really didn't want to pick a fight with Jacob, ten minutes after asking him to marry me – no matter how justified I was. "Daddy gets to nickname his little girl. But I'm not going to be happy if other people start using it." I let my eyes scan over the others without stopping on any of them, especially Edward. What, after all, would I do if they called my bluff? I took a deep breath. "Alice, Edward," I started, "the reason I asked you both up here..."

And then I froze. They were all looking at me expectantly. Jacob was standing just a couple of feet behind and to the side of Alice, grinning like an idiot. Jasper stood in the doorway – also grinning, but his was more in mild amusement and curiosity, while Jacob's was pure joy. Everyone was waiting for me to say something, and I suddenly couldn't remember how to talk. And what was I going to say, when words returned? Jacob and I... we were doing... something. What was it? Well, we were having a baby. Yes, it had something to do with that. But they already knew that. What was I supposed to tell them? How...? I didn't think I was supposed to talk to them about that, especially not to Edward.

But then I realized: that would actually be easier than telling him what I was supposed to tell him now.

Them. Him and Alice and Jasper, and then everyone else. How could I survive it?

And I had to do it. I tried again. This time a sound came out of my tight throat that was something between a squeak and a croak.

Edward and Alice both had odd expressions on their faces. Alice's was a bit like Jasper's, a mixture of curiosity and amusement, with just a touch of... sympathy? Edward also looked curious, but it was mixed with a worried look and not so much amusement, or sympathy. After my second croak, he furrowed his brow and turned his head to look at Jacob.

"Translating the 'Prayer of Poltapte' into Spanish," he observed, like he was reading the title of a painting at a museum. "Very nice. But that should be the subjunctive – fuiestra."

"And Jasper has also adopted a Quileute-themed project," he said, turning to look at his older brother. "Translating the Kama Sutra into Quileute. Also nice, though it's been done – Jacob's great uncle, Joseph Black.

"My, what industrious family and friends I have. I wonder what ever could have brought on this burst of industry? What do you think, Alice?"

Alice rolled her eyes and said, "I'm too much a lady to say what I think, Edward." She jabbed an elbow sharply into his side.

"I'm marrying Jacob," I blurted out. Then I clasped my hand over my mouth reflexively, as if I had just used some expletive in front of my father, or had just said that someone was fat or ugly, while the person in question was standing right next to me.

For just a second everyone was perfectly still. Then Alice rushed over to me. "Bella!" she said in her beautiful musical voice. "Congratulations!" She gave me a big hug, careful not to squeeze hard, and kissed me on the cheek.

"Congratulations to both of you," said Jasper, crossing the room to shake Jacob's hand. Then he looked at me, took a deep breath, and came over and gave me a quick hug and kiss too.

Edward still stood where he was. He had that look on his face that people get at very special times. Fathers at their daughters' weddings look something like that. It was a mixture of happiness and sadness. There was a faint smile on his lips and a glint of moisture in his eyes. That was very, very rare for a vampire. Even Alice wasn't tearing up. Edward looked over at Jacob, and I saw something pass between them. It was the sort of exchange that I had witnessed often in the Cullen household, where someone would think something, and Edward would respond to the unspoken thought with his facial expressions. This exchange ended with a nod and a controlled smile from Edward.

Then he came over to me and bent down to touch his forehead against mine. "All happiness, Bella," he whispered.

"Thank you, Edward," I said, my voice catching in my throat. And silently I thought, "All happiness to you, too." I could not hold back my tears. They ran down my face and around and into my smiling mouth. I could hardly believe that such happiness and sadness could coexist in one person at the same time, could coexist in me.

I had Jake carry me down to the den before I formally told the rest of the family; it was getting a bit crowded in my bedroom. Carlisle and Esme gave us warm congratulations. Emmet punched Jake in the arm. Rosalie said, "I thought the baby was kicking you in the gut, not the head." Kate, Carmine and Eleazar gave us their best wishes as well.

I was glad that they were not as formal as Irina and Tanya, with all the my Lord's and my Lady's, but they still made it clear that they considered Jake their leader. Jake handled that pretty well, all things considered. He was uncomfortable with it, which I was glad to see; I worried it would go to his head. But he also understood the seriousness of it. And for the sake of his people, he couldn't afford to turn down anything that improved our chances.

About the time I started worrying that having so many vampires around might send Renesmee back into overload, Alice mentioned that her headache was coming back. She, Edward, and the Denali group all left the house – going to the guest house, I think. Pretty soon all the others scattered around the house as well.

Only Jasper stayed nearby, so that he could help out if Renesmee started to get upset. That sometimes happened when too few of the Cullens were close by. It reminded me, disturbingly, of the way some dogs want to always be close to their families and will get upset if they are left alone. Some even get upset if the family scatters to different rooms, because then they cannot be with the whole family at once. Some babies are that way too, I think. At least, I hope they are. I was still a little freaked about the fact that my baby was going to be a werewolf, and I was probably a bit over-sensitive about anything that seemed dog-like about her.

The Cullens made themselves scarce for two reasons. The first was to give me and Jake some privacy. And second was that it was brunch time, which for me consisted of a large cup of pig's blood and a garden salad. The Cullens were all strong enough to stay in control with the smell of blood in the air, if they were prepared for it, especially animal blood. But why torture themselves if they didn't need to? Jasper sat on the porch and watched us through the sliding-glass door while we ate. I drank the blood and picked at my salad. Jake had an extra-large supreme pizza – another leftover from my shopping trip the week before.

The breakfast nook was a particularly drafty, and therefore noisy, part of the house. That was due to the powerful ceiling fan the Cullens had recently installed. With most of the doors in the house closed, it drew a strong draft through the kitchen window. Jake thanked Esme and Carlisle politely when he realized they had installed it for his and Renesmee's benefit. "That was nice of them," he confided after they left. "I was trying to decide if I should take my food outside to eat or just tough it out."

I nodded as I finished a big glass of pig's blood and picked at my salad. I wondered if I should give up and just ask for another cup of blood. I knew that it was stupid to continue to fight against my cravings and try to maintain something like my accustomed diet. Those cravings were only going to get a lot stronger a few days from now. Might as well get used to it.

"What was that exchange between you and Edward, up in my room?" I asked innocently.

Jake looked surprised, then slightly embarrassed. "Uh, you know," he said, "Edward picks up on stray thoughts."

"Oh," I said, unsatisfied. Somehow it looked more significant than that. "Don't want to talk about it?"

Jake sighed. "It was nothing really," he said, staring down at the pizza in his hand instead of looking at me. "I was thinking how I would feel if it was me in his shoes. I tried not to, because I know he hears, but I couldn't help it. And then I thought: well, you're going to win in the end anyway. And, since I knew he heard me, I added: 'Take care of her.' That's when he nodded."

"What?" I asked, almost shouting. "What do you mean, 'going to win anyway'?"

Jake looked up at me and seemed genuinely surprised by my reaction.

"Bella," he said plaintively, "you said it yourself. Things will be different once you're a vampire."

"I said I don't know how things will be," I objected. "You're acting like it's a done deal!"

Jake stared at me incredulously. "I'm inches ahead of him right now," he said, "when we've got everything in common: age, interests, physical compatibility, being... mortal, warm-blooded mammals. And I've saved your life a few times, and given you a baby, and helped you through your darkest hour – which he caused! And all that together puts me – maybe, barely – inches ahead."

I started to object to that. He knew I hated reminders of that dark time, for one thing. For another... I wasn't marrying him because he was a little ahead of Edward right now. I thought I'd made that clear. I loved them both, and I didn't like comparing the two. Okay, I said I loved him the most, and that was fair. I was marrying him, after all. But I still didn't like comparing them like that. I didn't think love could or should be measured that way, especially not in inches. But he continued before I could say anything.

"So what's going to happen when he's even more beautiful to you than he already is? Because Jasper says that they are – even more beautiful to each other than they are to humans. And I won't be. I'll look rough and brutish to you and sound coarse and smell bad, and you'll look alien and crystalline to me and sound metallic and smell even worse. And I won't be your superhero any more. I'll be weak and slow and clumsy. And I didn't put physical compatibility at the top of the list, but... it counts!"

And there it was. Of course I worried that we wouldn't be physically compatible anymore. But the real problem was that I would be stronger than him. He hadn't put the most important part last. He put it second to last. I was wondering if I should do something to salve his ego, or whether I should just kick him in the shin and tell him to grow up. Then he sucker punched me with a question out of left field.

"Do you think you'd stay married to me," he suddenly asked, "if I turned into my wolf form and stayed that way for good? Or even marry me in the first place if you knew I was going to do that?"

I let out half a snort before I looked at his eyes. They held not a trace of humor. It didn't help that I was already nauseous from pregnancy.

"Well, I..., well..." I stammered. I started to say something about how he must not care about me very much, if he wasn't even willing to stay human for me. But then I thought that one through.

"But this is different," I objected. "I have to become a vampire. It's the only way!"

"Okay..." he said slowly. "What if I could become Super Wolf, bigger and badder than the other werewolves. I could save us all from the Volturi, but the price is I could never be human again. Still my fiancée?"

I frowned. That was a tough one. How could I abandon him if he was sacrificing everything for the rest of us?

But how could I be married to a wolf?

"That's... not... exactly the same," I said slowly.

He shrugged. "In some ways, this is worse," he said. "I'd still be a mammal, flesh and blood. I wouldn't be some crystal creature that looked alien, and smelled so bad you could hardly breathe. Wolves are warm and cuddly; your every instinct wouldn't be screaming for you to run, or kill me. At least, they wouldn't if you were still human."

"So," I said finally, looking down at my plate of uneaten salad. "We're only going to be married for a few days? Then what's the point?" That was a dumb question. There were still good reasons to marry him – like giving Renesmee a proper family, and leaving him a proper inheritance. But it bothered me to think that this was all a farce.

Jake cupped my chin in his hand and forced my head up to look him in the eyes. "The point," he said, "is that I love you with all my heart, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you – even though I don't think that's in the cards. Even if we manage to survive the Volturi, I don't think we'll be able to keep it together."

"But it won't be from my lack of trying!" He added fiercely.

He locked gaze with me for a long moment, until I nodded. "Nor mine," I whispered.

"But if things do go the way I think they will," he added, "then... I just want you to be happy."

I twisted my head to kiss his palm, then took his hand in mine and held it against my cheek. "You too, Jake," I whispered.

I held still for a time, just staring at his beautiful face. I studied every line and curve of it, its ruddy hue and smooth complexion, dark thick eyebrows and eyelashes that were a little too long for a boy. I liked them. They softened his features and kept him from looking too rough. I stared for a long time. This too, I wanted to remember in my next life.

"Crystalline?" I asked, breaking my own reverie.

"Huh?" Jake shook his head. He had been staring at me too.

"You said they were crystalline," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "I forgot that I couldn't see that, before I became a werewolf, so I guess you can't either. But you've seen them in the sunlight, right?"

"They sparkle," I said, and I didn't try to mask the dreamlike wonder in my voice.

"Crystalline," he said simply. "It's like they're carved out of diamond. Their skin is like a million-faceted jewel. There are so many facets that, to you, they all run together to make a smooth surface. But I can see the individual facets. To me, they look kind of like Diamondhead on Ben Ten." He chuckled. "That's also why they're so pale. Light glances off the flat facets, or a lot of it does. So even dark-skinned vampires, like that Laurent guy, look kind of... washed out."

That was ironic. I was so envious! I'd give... a lot, to be able to see that. And he didn't even appreciate it. The expression 'pearls before swine' came to mind. But I didn't belabor the point. "Ben Ten?" I said. "Jacob, please, please, please – try not to remind me what a cradle-robber I am."

He chuckled again. "Speaking of cradles," he said, as he picked up another slice of pizza, "I was surprised you told Jessica about being pregnant."

"Yeah, well, I... Hey, wait a minute. Who told you that?"

"Embry," he said and took a small bite of pizza crust. "Cora told him that Lauren told her that Jessica said you were knocked up."

I gaped. Then I winced in pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," said Jake, running around the table to comfort me. "Here, let me get you back over to the couch."

He carried me over to it. Jasper came back inside. I could feel his calming influence. Rose came in and gave me a couple of Tylenol and some water. "Idiot," she said without even looking at Jake.

"I'm sorry!" Jake moaned. Rosalie surprised me with a low and feral growl.

"It's okay," I said. "Rose, it was just a coincidence that Renesmee kicked right then. I'm not going to collapse just because Jake told me about the rumor mill. Anyway, I'm alright now. And I want to know: what else did she say?"

Jake looked at me uncertainly. "Don't worry about it, Bella," he said dismissively. "I just thought it was funny, mostly."

I sank down into the cushions and closed my eyes. I lifted my hand, palm up, and flexed my fingers towards myself a couple of times.

"That's about it," he said. "Except that she seemed to think that there's some confusion about whether the baby's mine or Edwards."

I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly. How could she still be confused about that? What part of "She's Jake's" did Jess not understand?"

"It's okay, Bella. Honest," he hastily added. "You know I would have brought it up sooner, and more carefully, if I thought anything about it. And I wouldn't have brought it up at all, if I knew it would upset you like this."

I sighed. "I knew she wasn't going to keep it a secret," I said. "I just... didn't think the news would travel this fast! At this rate, they'll hear about it in Voltura before the day's out."

"Maybe they'll send a card," he joked.

"Anyway, what's the big deal?" he asked. "Who's it a secret from? I know. The pack knows. Your whole school knows – or will, by Tuesday. My dad, your dad, your mom. Who's left? The Pope?"

"My Mom? Renee!" I moaned. "She doesn't know! I have to tell her. She can't hear it though the grapevine."

"Oh," he said. "You want someone to get you a phone?" He glanced around the room to see if one was handy.

"No." I moaned, covering my face with a pillow. "I want to go back to bed!"

I uncovered my face and looked over at Rosalie. She was standing near the door to the kitchen, where the closest house phone was. Seeing my look, she fetched it and brought it to me. Everyone but Jake and Jasper drifted away again while I was dialing.

Renee picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mom," I said, my voice quavering.

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you still at the Cullen's? Do you still have the flu?"

"No," I said. "I mean, I'm still at the Cullen's, but I don't – I didn't – have the flu."

"What? What is it?" she asked, her voice growing more frantic. I needed to calm her down. It's a shame Jasper's talent doesn't work over the phone.

"No, it's... It's not an it." I took a deep breath. "It's a girl."

"Oh." she exclaimed softly. "Well, I can't say I'm very surprised. It's Alice, isn't it? Honey, you know I don't care..."

Jake giggled. So did I, which hurt, so I stopped. Jake stopped with me, but I heard suppressed snorts continue to come through Jasper's nose, in short staccato bursts, which almost got me started again. "No, Mom," I said. "I'm not coming out to you. I'm trying to tell you that I'm pregnant."

The phone went quiet.

"Mom?" I asked.

"How... how far along are you?"

I had to think. My story kept changing there because she was growing so fast. I looked over at Jake, and he mouthed more than whispered: "It's been thirty eight weeks since your birthday."

Great. No wonder people thought she was Edwards. I just hoped she took after Jake in more ways than the secret one. Mom's hair looked a bit like Edward's. Wouldn't that be just perfect.

"Uh, about thirty weeks," I said. Then I went on before she could do the math, "but I'm having a cesarean. I think tomorrow. Dr. Cullen is trying to schedule it."

"What?" she exclaimed. "At thirty weeks! Bella, what's wrong?"

"It's just...," I started. Dang, I should have thought through exactly what I was going to say before I started dialing. "She's okay. But she's growing too fast. That's why so early."

There was a pause. Then she started talking fast. "I'll be on the first flight I can get. Tell Charlie – ask him to come meet me at the airport. Does he know? Of course he knows. Why didn't anyone tell me? I am having words with that man, with both of you."

"No, Mom," I pleaded. "Don't come. I..." really should have thought this through.

I was going to have a cesarean tomorrow. And then I would die. Or at least I would have to fake my death. She'd get here to... me gone and a new baby. Maybe that would be best. The baby could help console her. I still didn't know how we, or rather Jake, was going to explain her rapid growth. It would be a lot more obvious with a newborn than it was with him. Well, that was a problem for later.

"Okay Mom. I'll buy you a ticket."

"I'll get it," she said. "That's a mother's job."

"No, Mom. Let me. I... I've got money."

I saw Jacob arch his eyebrow. And Mom didn't miss it either. "Joint accounts already?" she asked.

The problem was that after so much stress, I was about to pass out. "No, but I guess we will. I'm sorry Mom, I guess you're going to miss the wedding. But I don't think we should wait any longer."

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are not marrying that boy just because you're having his baby, are you?" she scolded.

"No," I said, and I managed a weak smile at Jacob. "I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just wish..." I thought about the many things I wished. I wished I didn't have to leave my mother. I wished she could be there for my wedding and for the birth of her granddaughter. I wished... some things... were very different than they were.

Someone wasn't happy. I felt a very painful kick in my gut. As much as it hurt, it was just barely enough to bring me to wakefulness. I was getting very accustomed to pain.

Wasn't I talking to Renee? I think I must have passed out.

"Can't you do anything?" I heard Rosalie ask.

"I can ease her anxiety." I heard Jasper respond. "But I can't make her happy. She wants her family. It's as simple as that. There, there, Renesmee. Uncle Jasper and Aunt Rose are here. You're daddy will be back soon."

I felt him lightly stroke my stomach where I just got kicked. His cool hand felt good, like a cold compress. That, and his mood-control power, helped me calm down and get my bearings. Jacob must have gone to the tribal council meeting. That must have been where everyone else was too. And that's where I needed to be. I needed to get freshened up and go join them.

Then I coughed. And I tasted blood.

I wasn't afraid. Jasper wouldn't let me be. Besides, this wasn't the first time I coughed up blood. But I had a bad feeling there was going to be a lot more of it this time.

I held my mouth tightly shut and looked up at him and gestured frantically for him to go away. In an instant he was across the room. Unable to hold it any longer, I coughed big red splotches onto the sheets in front of me. I saw Rose rushing at me, and I knew my time was up. I felt almost as badly for her as I did for myself. And I could only imagine what this would do to the Cullen family.

"I am so sorry, Bella," said Rosalie. She ripped the covers off me. _It's okay, Rose. I forgive you._

"Here, cough into this," she said. "It's already ruined."

I heard her breath in through her mouth, while I spit more blood into the cloth.

"Oh my," she said. "It's a good thing Renesmee dilutes the smell."

I saw the strained look on her face, but she was completely in control. All I could think to say was, "It's not ruined. Just soak it in some cold water."

She rolled her eyes. "It's going into the incinerator."

"Jasper," she said, "call Carlisle and have him come straight home."

"No. No," I objected, shaking my head – and regretting it. "Can you get me to the meeting? It's mostly Edward and Jacob she wants, anyway. And that meeting is important; we can't call them home now. How long have they been gone?"

They had not been gone long. I was sleeping so peacefully that they decided not to wake me. But Renesmee woke up and started to get unhappy soon after they left, giving me another bad bruise and waking me in the process. If I hurried, I could still make it before two.

I could not get up. I tried, and it was a disaster. I doubled over in pain and spit up more blood. Rose and Jasper still didn't like the idea of moving me, but they reluctantly agreed that it was better than letting Renesmee start kicking again. And I think the smell of my blood was affecting them more than either of them were willing to admit. Rosalie had extraordinary will power, and Jasper was very focused now – like he had been when fighting James. (My blood had been all over the place there, and it had not been diluted by the scent of baby werewolf.) But still, I knew this was hard for them, and if Renesmee really started kicking...

Really, it was either take me to the meeting or let Carlisle, Edward and-or Jacob come back. And this meeting was just too important for that.

Rose got a washcloth, some soap and a bowl of warm water and washed me right there on couch. She helped me put on fresh clothes and put me in a lightweight lounge chair – the kind you take to the beach. That made it easier and more comfortable to carry me.

"Rose?" I asked, while she was carrying me out to the car. "Would you bite me if I kissed you on the cheek?"

"Probably," she answered.

So I didn't. We just traded friendly smiles.

"Feel free to kiss me any time," said Jasper. So I did.

Rose set me down in the back seat then got in behind me, so I could lie down with my head in her lap as Jasper drove us to La Push. For once, I didn't worry about us speeding. I was pretty sure that if any of Chief Swan's men pulled us over, I could get Jasper out of the ticket. I could probably even get us an escort, thought that would only slow us down. I made the mistake of looking at the speedometer only once. I could see it through the gap between the front seats. It was a good thing I was too sick to get queasy.

We arrived at the Council Lodge (the Quileute city hall or courthouse) before the meeting actually started. People were just getting settled. Jasper held the door open for us. I heard some murmuring, as Rosalie carried me through the wide doorway - the low chatter that is so familiar before meetings or church service starts. That stopped for a moment when I came into the room, but then it started up again, only different. Now most of the murmurs were about me.

The room was not crowded. The only ones there were the council members, the Pack, Emily, Kim, and the vampires. Jake and Edward came rushing up as soon as they saw me, asking if anything was wrong. "No, nothing," I lied. "I just wanted to be here."

"Perhaps some of us should leave, so the baby doesn't get too excited," Edward suggested.

"No, we're fine. Really. I think she was missing you." All of them needed to be there. I would just have to trust that Jasper would keep the baby calm.

Rather than have me sit in one of the hard courthouse pews, Rosalie carried me to the front of the room and set me down, chair and all, in front of the first pew. The council members all gawked at how easily she carried me. If they only knew how strong she really was. Even Billy had to shake his head to keep from staring. I guess knowing something is not the same as seeing it for yourself. Or maybe that's not why he stared. Rose was, after all, stunningly beautiful.

Jake sat on the floor beside me. He leaned against my chair and put one hand in my lap. I stroked it and toyed with the hairs on the back of his hand. Somehow, I could sense that Renesmee's reaction was about the same as mine. She was content to know that her daddy was there. She wouldn't be kicking me for a while. Again I wondered at how she seemed to find comfort in both a werewolf's hot touch and a vampire's cold one. Or maybe I was projecting. Maybe it was just me.

"Why are the cold ones on our land?" asked an obviously angry, and frightened voice.

It was Joseph Fairweather. I knew him by sight. In Forks, you couldn't be on the city or county councils if you held any other public office. But that's not the way they do it in La Push. Joe Fairweather was Charlie's counterpart in La Push, the chief of police. I knew better than to call him Joe or Chief Fairweather at a council meeting though. Here he was Elder Fairweather. I also recognized Marie Hartwell, the school superintendent. The only other members I recognized were Sue Clearwater and Quil Ateara – Old Quil, young Quil's grandfather – and Billy.

The Quileute had no chiefs – officially. But Billy was given respect way beyond any official rank. I've heard that it's the same way in many constitutional monarchies. The Queen of England and the Emperor of Japan have very little official power. But when they talk, people listen.

"I asked them to come here," said Billy, his voice grave and filled with authority. "I informed Sam of this, and he agrees that we need to hear and see them in person. There are important matters to be decided today. Grave matters. We will not be able to make those decisions wisely without first-hand knowledge."

"Edward Cullen, are we secure?" he asked, turning to Edward, who was sitting right behind me, in the first pew.

Edward stood before answering. "Colin Brown and Brady Ahoute are in the building across the street," he said simply. "They can hear us. No one else outside this room can." Then he sat back down.

"How can they hear us from across the street?" asked Sue.

"I thought those two were getting close to the change," said Sam, nodding. "Seth, Embry, go take them for a long walk. If Billy's right, they don't need to be anywhere near this crowd until we're ready to deal with it. And if they're that close to changing, they don't need to be near anyone else either. When they get too tired to walk, take them back to my place."

Neither Seth nor Embry looked at all happy to miss out on the meeting, but they didn't hesitate to follow Sam's orders.

"All right," said Elder Fairweather, "what's so important that you felt the need to flout tribal law and bring our enemies to our home?"

"Jacob," said Billy, giving him a significant look. "The floor's yours, Son."

Jake looked nervous. He swallowed and gave my hand a squeeze before he walked up to the podium near the front of the room. Eight tribal elders sat in a semicircle in front of him. The rest of us were to his back.

"You all know that a bloodsucker named Victoria has been trying to kill Bella," he began hesitantly. Jake was not used to public speaking. "Uh, that is... a cold one. A vampire. Anyway, now she knows, she finally figured out, that we're too strong for her. She knows she can't do it by herself or even with a few buddies. For the past month or so, she's been building her own little army – turning people into vampires around Seattle. You've all probably read the news about the random killings and disappearances there recently."

There were shocked murmurs from the council members and some angry snarls from the werewolves in the audience. I gasped too. I hadn't known about that either. I guess you miss some things when you pass out a lot.

"Edward Cullen killed one of them a few weeks ago," he continued. "And he confirmed that it was one of Victoria's creatures yesterday."

That brought an even stronger reaction from the humans and werewolves – and from me. I had known about Edward fighting a vampire in Seattle, just before he got back in town. But I still drew in a sharp breath when I was reminded about danger he had been in. And there were more of them! What if they had ganged up on him? I felt Jasper's calming influence, and I didn't try to fight it.

"How did he confirm that?" asked Sue Clearwater. She was Chairwoman of the council.

"He read her lackey's mind yesterday, when they came to watch the fight."

That got the council members stirred up again. Some of them hadn't even heard about that, and all of them had questions. Sue had to rap her gavel on the desk in front of her a few times to get them to quiet down.

"You may continue, Jacob," she said. She looked a little embarrassed about interrupting him, since that's what got everyone else started.

"Well, she's given up that plan too," Jacob said in a raised voice, bringing all eyes and ears back to him. "We'd make mince meat out of inexperienced newborn vampires, and now she knows that too. So, instead, she's going to call a real army down on us, an army of old, experienced and very powerful vampires."

No murmurs this time. You could have heard a pin drop.

"There's a group of vampires in Italy called the Volturi. You could think of them as our counterpart. The Pack protects humans, especially the Quileute. The Volturi protect the vampires, especially themselves, from any outside threats. They never saw us as a threat before. But there are more of us now. And we're bigger and stronger than our grandfathers were. And Victoria is going to make sure that they see us as a threat. And they don't tolerate threats."

He let that hang there. It was Billy who spoke next.

"What are they going to do?" he asked.

"I think I should let Alice Cullen answer that one," said Jake. "She's the expert on what vampires are going to do."

Sue Clearwater took that as her cue: "The chair recognizes..."

"No!" shouted one of the other council members. It wasn't someone I recognized. "We do NOT need to hear from the bloodsucking leaches – especially their so-called fortune teller!"

The meeting quickly degenerated into angry shouts back and forth among the council members. "Just relax, Bells," Jake whispered beside me. "We've got this covered. While they're at it, I'll catch you up on what you missed."

I sank back into my chair and closed my eyes. Jake was right; I didn't need the stress.

"You fell asleep in the middle of your phone call," he said with a chuckle. "I'm good at catching my winks where I can, but I can't top that one."

I chuckled softly at that. I knew how good Jake was at sleeping wherever he was. Several times, when he would come over to Charlie's, after a long patrol, he just fell asleep while apparently listening to me and Alice. One time, Alice made him up to look like a goth vampire while he was asleep, and he never even twitched.

"I took the liberty of asking for Renee's blessing while you were out," Jake whispered even more softly. "She was pretty surprised. Apparently, you fell asleep before telling her who's baby you're having. But I straightened her out."

He chuckled again, and I winced in embarrassment. Was everyone going to leap to that same conclusion? What a dumb question. Of course they were. It suddenly dawned on me what Renee had meant, when she asked about joint accounts. Joint bank accounts with Jacob wouldn't help me afford a plane ticket, or even bus fare. But with Edward...

"And Carlisle reminded me that you already have a couple of airline vouchers," Jacob continued. "He made the arrangements for Renee and Phil to fly up tomorrow. They'll be at the airport at eleven thirty."

"Look, I can't tell you very much right now," he added conspiratorially. "But don't say anything about... Well, just don't say anything. There are a lot of secrets involving you."

"Enough!" Sam shouted in a voice loud enough to wake the dead.

Jake and I snapped our heads up at that, and it took me a moment to realize that Sam didn't mean us. At least not us in particular. The room got very quiet, very fast. Sam quietly walked up to Sue and handed her a sealed envelope. All eyes were on her, as she opened it. Inside were papers, and Sue's eyes got big as she looked them over. After a minute, she looked up at Alice.

"You'd make quite the court secretary," she said. Then she looked around the room, as if checking to make sure we were all paying attention. "These are the minutes of the meeting so far. Every word that we've said – except the few words that Sam has spoken – are written here. And there's a second envelope. Does anyone want to wager that what I'm saying now, as well as your responses, are in it?

"Sam, when did she give that envelope to you?"

"Noon," he answered. He didn't sound entirely pleased about it.

Marie Hartwell spoke up. "I understood she couldn't 'see' werewolves futures. How did she know what Jacob would say?"

"I rehersed in front of her. But I don't think the rest of you did. Did you?"

"The chair would like to recognize Alice Cullen," Sue said in a formally raised voice. "If anyone objects, we'll put it to a quick vote."

There were no objections this time.

Alice walked calmly to the front of the room. "Thank you Elder Clearwater. Council." She greeted them with a polite nod. "I'm not going to bother with a recap of our ongoing conflict – war, really – with a vampire named Victoria. Most of you already know about it. Suffice to say that she has a vendetta against our family and believes that the easiest, best way to hurt us would be to kill Bella Swan.

"Recently, that war has taken a very bad turn. I've been having very disturbing visions, terrible images of death and destruction. Unfortunately, my gift is very specific. I see effects, not causes. I see the future, or the likely paths of the future. I do not see the past. I do not see the events that led to the future or futures I see. So we could only speculate what had happened, to make the future turn so dark. But I first started seeing them shortly after Jacob fought Victoria and her lackey, a little over a month ago. I believe that fight was a turning point in our war with her. A turning point in her favor."

"Even though she lost the battle at Knife Point, the knowledge she gained might well help her win the war. Fighting Jacob gave her a better idea how strong and disciplined the Quileute werewolves are. Before that fight, she was overconfident. After it, she became much more cautious – and much more dangerous. After the battle, she retreated for a time, to reconsider her strategy. And that's when my visions started. Once I started seeing these visions, my family and I became afraid that Victoria would bring in the Volturi to eliminate some or all of Bella's protectors. The Volturi consider it their duty to eliminate all threats to vampires: humans who have learned of our existence, vampires who have gone rogue or become too incautious – and werewolves. They really don't like werewolves."

"To prevent her from doing that, we Cullens decided to play up our... differences with the Quileute. As long as Victoria did not see us as allied with the wolves or cooperating with them, she would have no reason to call in the Volturi to kill them. It was just a delaying tactic. We knew we couldn't keep you secret forever, but it seemed like the best we could do. That was the plan, anyway."

"That plan fell apart yesterday."

"Yesterday, Jacob beat Irina, a very old and very skilled vampire, in a duel. He had a little help, by way of a distraction. But even before that, he managed to hold his own against her for thirty two and a half minutes. There are very few vampires who could do that."

"That finally let Victoria see just how dangerous the werewolves are. But the worst part was that our ruse was exposed. Now she knows that we have been protecting the pack. That's all the reason she needs to want the werewolves dead, but she has a better reason than that. She knows that if the Volturi attack the werewolves, we, the Cullens, will all die protecting them. She couldn't hope for a better result; she is absolutely ecstatic."

"Why?" Marie Hartwell's voice was loud and incredulous. "Why would you die protecting us? And how does she know that? Even we don't know that!"

"Because of her," said Alice, turning to look at me, or rather at my belly. "Bella Swan's and Jacob Black's baby."

That brought exclamations of surprise from all the council members except Billy. I saw him smile, but it didn't wipe away his worry lines.

"Victoria could see how protective we were of the baby," Alice continued. "No one could have missed it. In fact, it's pretty obvious to anyone looking that killing the baby would hurt us just as much as killing Bella would. But with both my family and Jacob's protecting them, she has no chance of killing either one of them on her own. But the baby is also a werewolf, and the Volturi would treat it like they would any other werewolf."

"So her course is obvious. She will go to the Volturi. I could guess it if I hadn't seen it; but I have seen it, and there is no doubt. And their course is obvious too. A race of humans capable of going toe to toe with a thousand-year-old vampire is intolerable to them. In less than two months they will come here with an army of over a hundred vampires. They will come with one simple purpose: to wipe out the line of shapeshifters before you grow any stronger."

The room was very quiet as Alice's words hung heavy in the air.

"And what...?" Sue Clearwater started. Her voice caught, and she started over. She turned to the Denali group. "Who are you? And why are you here?"

Tanya stood.

I guess she wasn't quite as beautiful as Rosalie, but there was a majesty about her that surpassed even Carlisle's. And we were all, more or less, used to Carlisle and Rosalie. You could see the near-awed reaction of everyone in the room – outside of her extended family. "You may call us the Denali," she said with a small bow to the council. "I am Tanya, and these are my sisters Kate and Irina, my brother Eleazar and his wife, Carmen. And that is Garret; he is with Kate."

That situation didn't need any further explanation. Garret and Kate reminded me of Sam and Emily. They had that same look of total devotion and adoration, maybe just a little stronger on Garret's part than on Kate's. Did vampires imprint? It sure looked like it.

"Jacob Black spared my sister's life," said Tanya, "when he had every right and reason to take it. We have pledged our undying fealty to him. We will fight, and die, by his side."

"You make it sound certain that you will all die," Sue said in a quavering voice.

"It is very nearly certain, My Lady," said Tanya. "The Volturi have never suffered a defeat, never been seriously challenged – in their three thousand year reign. And they are stronger now than they have ever been." and she sat back down.

Sue looked visibly shaken. But she hardened her jaw, as she turned to Sam. And her voice didn't quaver again: "Samuel, you are our war chieftain. Options?"

Sam stood and said, "Jacob has an idea that I think you should hear." Then he sat down.

Jake squeezed my hand again and stood up. "We've got eight werewolves – probably ten soon, if Sam's right about Colin and Brady – and thirteen vampires. Carlisle thinks he might know a couple more who won't sit by and watch a genocide. That gives us twenty three to twenty five fighters to their hundred or so. We're badly outnumbered, but we do have some advantages."

"Alice will know exactly what their attack plan is. She should even be able to see where individual fighters will be. That kind of knowledge is a huge advantage in a fight. Several of the vampires on our side are extraordinary fighters, even by vampire standards. Alice can help us match our strengths to their weaknesses, and leave their strongest fighters facing nothing but air.

"As for the Pack: thanks to Victoria, they will know how good we are, one on one; but they won't know how well we fight as team. And we're much stronger as a team; the pack mind is a huge advantage. The Volturi themselves are only about thirty strong; the rest will be raw recruits – powerful, maybe even skilled in single combat, but undisciplined, basically a rabble. So, as bad as four to one odds sound. Well, it might not be quite as bad as it sounds."

He paused for a moment, then continued. "But it's still pretty bad. To have any real chance of winning, we need to even the odds some more. The Cullens tell me it won't work to make more vampires. They'd be out of control and maybe more dangerous to us than they would be to the Volturi. Plus the Volturi would know; they have a psychic who can sense when new vampires are created. And they'd just bring in or make more of their own. That's an arms race we can't win. So the only other option is to make more werewolves."

Again he paused for that to sink in.

"Can we do that?" aske Sue.

"The presence of vampires seems to trigger the change. If the Cullens and the Denalis came to live in La Push, we'd probably have a werewolf population explosion."

"What?" four of the council members exclaimed together. Only Billy, Sue and Old Quil stayed calm, looking somber.

"I don't see any other way," said Jacob. "A few more werewolves could make a huge difference. Unlike vampires, they're disciplined from day one, or at least they are when we're fighting as a team – as a Pack. And as soon as they join the pack, they'll have our fighting experience to draw on."

There was a long round of shouting, blustering and arguing. Not a one of the Elders liked the idea. But they weren't so much offering alternatives as accusations and recriminations. And for a while, it really looked like the council meeting was going to turn into a brawl. Yet, throughout it all, the pack just sat there, impassive. So did the vampires. I just sat there too, but with me it was more because I was too weak to do anything else. I thought about what Jacob just said. I noticed how he left off the part about Alec, the vampire who could make us all blind, deaf and helpless. I wondered what the council would say if they knew about him, if they knew what the odds really were.

Rosalie sat on the opposite side of me from where Jake had been sitting. She rested her head against my abdomen and softly cooed the lullaby Edward had written for me about a year ago. I had never heard it sung before. And Rosalie had a beautiful voice. Renesmee was surprisingly calm inside me, and I had the strange feeling that Rosalie's voice was the only thing she was hearing. To her, it seemed, the argument was like a play or something on TV. The lullaby was real. I smiled gratefully at my unlikely ally.

Sue began to pound her gavel on the desk in front of her, calling for order. After three times, Sam called out, "Order!" so loudly that it rattled the windows of the courthouse. Everyone was instantly quiet, except Rosalie. She finished a bar of "Bella's Lullaby" before she too was silent. Her voice was so beautiful that it had everyone in the room enthralled. The notes seemed to hang in the air for several seconds after she stopped.

Rosalie had been singing wordlessly, for no words had been written to match that beautiful melody. But I felt that I understood the meaning. It was a lullaby, and the lullaby spoke to something very deep and primal inside me – inside all of us, I think – an instinct that was more powerful than self preservation, or hunger, or thirst. The children, it said, protect the children.

Sue looked at Old Quil, who was on the far left end of the row of elders, as if she was going to ask him something. But he inclined his head towards the woman on his right, indicating that he would go last.

"Elder Dolan," Sue addressed the woman, "what do you think we should do?"

"Run. Scatter. Hide!" she said. And I didn't blame her a bit.

Sue nodded and looked up at Sam.

"The Pack will not run," he said with authority. "The vampires have supernatural trackers. They will find most of us. All of the pack, all of our allies, and most of the rest of you as well. Alone, even the strongest of us would be easy pickings. And in any case, it would mean our death as a people."

"Elder Fairweather?" Sue asked. The chief was the next one in line.

"Call in the army!" he said fiercely. "We pay our taxes. Defending us from foreign invaders is the army's job. You can't tell me modern weapons won't hurt them!"

Sue looked at Sam, but Sam looked at Carlisle, deferring the question to him. Carlisle stood and said, "Such a war is indeed the Volturi's greatest fear. But they are well prepared for it. They already have people inside the American military and civilian government. They would quickly take it over completely. Also, vampire law forbids the use of modern weapons, but if you break that law, then so will they. The Volturi already have several nuclear devices under their control, which they will use, if you escalate the conflict to that level. If you choose to go that route, then we cannot aid you." The other vampires nodded their agreement.

"Elder Hartwell?" Asked Sue.

The superintendent swallowed before she spoke. She looked grief-stricken. "The military," she said in a tiny voice. "That's our only chance."

"Elder Snow?"

The man sitting next to Billy shook his head. "My Aubrey is just fourteen. I don't want to turn him into a wolf and send him to be killed by an army of vampires!" Then his voice became very small, almost hard to hear. "I want to run. But I know I'd have to lie to him or force him to do it. And when the bloodsuckers come for him, when there's no one left who could help defend him..." He shook his head. "I'll let him decide. But I know what he'll do. If the Cullens don't come here, he'll go there."

"Elder Young?"

I wondered if this woman was any relation to Emily. There seemed to be a superficial resemblance. She didn't even look up. In a plaintive voice she said, "Let them help us. God forgive me. Let them help us."

"Billy? Ah, Elder Black?"

Billy gave her a half smile before he answered. "Jake knows the cold ones better than any of us do. I'm sure he knows what he's talking about when he says this is our only chance."

"Elder Attera?"

Old Quil was looking down in front of him, and I was afraid he had fallen asleep. But he lifted his head and said, "I am old. I won't be doing the fighting, so I don't want to send anyone else to die in my place. If we bring in the army, a whole lot of people are going to die in my place. So, I say anyone who wants to run, let 'em. But I don't think many of my people are going to do that. I think most of our young men are going to stay and fight, with or without the cold ones' help. So let's give them the best fighting chance we can. It's the best we can do for them."

Sue seemed to ponder for a moment. Then she looked out at us and said, "Cullens, Denali, welcome to La Push."


	13. Fire

**13. Into The Fire**

Once the council decided that the two vampire families would stay in La Push, the meeting was adjourned. Esme, Tanya, Sue and Sam went to a smaller meeting room to discuss the details. Carlisle and Esme were co-leaders of the Cullens, and Carlisle was busy being my doctor, so he left this negotiation to her.

When Carlisle was satisfied that I was in no immediate danger, he joined the rest of the crowd. We performed the traditional end-of-meeting ritual, milling about and greeting each other. I didn't do any milling myself, sitting in my lounge chair. But I did a lot of greeting.

All the werewolves and most of the humans gave their best wishes for me and the baby. Surprisingly, none of the other wolves seemed to know about Jake's and my engagement. Apparently, Jake had not phased back into wolf form since I proposed. Of course, I wasn't in any hurry to tell anyone, but Jake? I thought for sure he would howl it to the moon at the first opportunity. But I remembered how Jake had warned me not to tell anyone anything. Was this a secret? Were we going to sneak off to a justice of the peace? My spirits lifted a little at that thought.

I was struck by the irony of how the Volturi and the baby had conspired to make me and Jake accept the formerly unacceptable – while, at the same time, giving each of us our hearts' desires. It was as if Jake and I had each found our own personal – treacherous – genie.

If I had found Aladdin's lamp a few weeks ago and been given three wishes, they would have been something like: to become a vampire, for Jake not to get upset about it, and to have my vampire and werewolf families learn to get along. And I could imagine what Jake's wishes might have been: to marry me, for us to have our own family; and, for lack of anything better to wish for, he might have wished to be rich.

Yeah, be careful what you wish for. Because my becoming a vampire was also Jake's worst nightmare. He was accepting it now because it gave at least a slim hope of survival for his tribe, his daughter, and me. He'd gladly die for my humanity, but he wouldn't sacrifice all of us for it. He was getting the child he wanted, but for how long, and at what price? And I knew he'd rather spend his life a pauper than take a penny from the Cullens.

And for my part, a week ago I would have chosen another vampire bite – another pointlessly painful one, that didn't turn me into a vampire – to teenage marriage. It ranked, for me, just a little ahead of teenage pregnancy. Maybe. But here I was, pregnant, and about to get married and... well, not exactly thrilled about the marriage part, but happy. Happy that I would be spending the rest of my life, short as it might be, with the man I love. Happy that I was making Jake happy, and happy that I was doing the right thing. Still, I was most definitely not up for a big production. I should know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth but, glad as I was, I was still curious why we were keeping the wedding a secret.

I was looking around at people's faces, trying to get some hint of what was going on, when I became aware that some new people had joined the crowd. A young couple and a small girl stood near the main doorway. The couple craned their necks, apparently looking for someone.

"Quil!" the girl shouted jubilantly, making the ell sound more like a double-u. She flung herself at Jake's best friend, who caught her in the air and tossed her upwards before catching her again in a hug.

"Hey, Claire Bear!" he said, only slightly less loudly than the little girl had shouted. There was such joy between them, I swear I could feel it in the air. And they looked for all the world like a daughter reuniting with her father or big brother.

But this little girl wasn't Quil's daughter or sister. She was his imprint. He would always love her – positively adore her. But someday it would be in a very un-fatherly and un-brotherly way.

Yes, their joy was infectious; I couldn't deny it. But it was also kind of creepy.

I noticed that Alice was also looking at Quil and his young imprint. Actually, she was staring. Not that I could blame her, but it wasn't like her to be rude. Then I noticed the expression on her face. That was the kind of look she sometimes got when she was having one of her visions. It was also, I remembered, the kind of look Edward had given me that first day in biology.

I felt a cold shiver run up my spine. I remembered the story Alice had told me and Jake, about how she sometimes used her visions to suppress her vampiric cravings. By seeing what it would be like to kill someone – and drink his or her blood – she was able to 'virtually' experience it, and partially satisfy the craving, without actually hurting anyone.

The cold shiver morphed into a queasy sick feeling. To think I had just been judgmental of Quil's feelings, so innocent and innocuous by comparison. If Alice was doing what I thought she was doing... well, I guess she couldn't help it. But it went way beyond creepy. The look wasn't lost on Quil either. And I realized that, thanks to the pack mind link, he could guess what it meant as well as Jake or I could. In fact, the whole pack could. The room got quiet enough that I could hear Quil talking to Claire's parents.

"… explain right now," he was saying, "but I need you guys to stay away from La Push for a while. And... see if you can clear the last week of July, first week of August for some vacation." He looked around guiltily as he said that, and the rest of the pack seemed to be pointedly looking other places. We couldn't all send our loved ones away, but it was understood – Claire was special. Quil would be no good to us if he didn't know she was safe.

He handed the tiny girl back to her father, giving her the briefest, tenderest kiss on her cheek as he did.

"No!" shouted Alice, lunging in their direction, arms outstretched as if to catch something that was about to break.

"No!" came Quil's objecting cry, filled with outrage and pain. The short word became a howl, as Quil charged at Alice – and phased!

It was like a replay of my last birthday, when Jasper had lunged at me, and Edward had tackled him. But this was so much worse! Here everyone was on edge. Everyone was in danger.

Like Alice and Quil, I too tried to leap forward, my body reacting before my slow, stupid mind could stop it. I was in no condition to leap anywhere. My own cry ended in a choking gurgle. And I felt something rip inside me.

Then things got really crazy.

Jake wasn't more than a fraction of a second behind Quil – howling, phasing and leaping away from me. But he still wasn't as quick as Jasper. It was Quil and Jasper who collided first, in the middle of the room. Quil's huge maw slammed into Jasper, who had managed to get just inches in front of Alice. Jasper twisted and managed to deflect most of Quil's blow; and I think his counterstrike might have killed Quil, if it weren't for Jacob. Jacob slammed into both of them and knocked the two apart.

"Alice, No!"

I wasn't sure who shouted that; I think it was Rosalie. But I heard a crunch that I knew was the sound of breaking bone, and a howl of pain that I knew was Jacob. And I saw blood. Blood on Jacob and blood on Alice. She had bitten him!

I couldn't see any more after that. My vision went first red, then black. But I could still hear. And what I heard, I'll never forget. It was Jake's voice directly over me, but I knew it wasn't Jake, it was Edward. He sounded like Jake, but with that weird double timbre that was his rendering of an alpha's command: "_Back off, Quil! Back off, guys! Back off!_" His voice was filled with power and the tone of command, but it was also filled with pain. And I don't think the pain was just Jake's; it was also Edward's.

As my vision cleared a little, I could see the anguish on his face. This was the down side of Edward's talent. Jake's thoughts, projecting as only an alpha wolf could, were threatening to overwhelm him. But even half dazed from agony, Edward was still holding me steady, helping to shift me into a better position.

"It's alright, son, I've got her." I heard Carlisle's reassuring voice say. "Use acupressure. There's no morphine."

Raising his voice, Carlisle said, "The rest of you, out! The baby will suffocate if I don't operate! I've got to cut her – get out!"

I heard Rosalie gasp, and then I knew that she wasn't with me any more.

I understood. With everyone this on-edge, the smell of my blood could send the vampires into a frenzy. Esme and the Denali followed her lead. Only Carlisle and Edward stayed beside me.

"Jasper, Alice, get out!" said Edward. "Jacob's got them under control. Argh! _Quil, Jarred, get out! Claire's _fine! Alice didn't_ mean to!_"

Edward's voice switched rapidly back and forth between his own and Jacob's. It was as though he couldn't break the link between them. Jacobs thoughts and his pain were sending Edward to his knees! Edward's thoughts were so intermixed with Jacobs, I doubt he could tell where Jake's thoughts left off and his own began. His eyes went wild with agony. His body slumped, and his head thrashed from side to side, as his voice switched back and forth between the two personas.

But through it all, his hands stayed rock steady, applying a pressure that helped relieve my pain and kept me from going into shock.

"_Oh, Father, it burns! _It burns. _Hang on, Bella._ Carlisle, _help her!" _Edward/Jacob shouted.Then, in a whisper, "_Thanks, Leah. _I owe you."

There was still a cacophony of snarls and growls coming from across the room, and I couldn't tell which were from werewolves and which were from vampires, but they were much softer and fewer than before. But then Carlisle said something that ripped my attention back to my own crisis, mine and Renesmee's.

"Billy's knife won't cut the placenta," said Carlisle. I did not even realize I had already been cut open. He only hesitated for a moment, and then I felt his face press into the cut in my abdomen. And I heard that horrible metal-against-stone sound that rending vampire flesh makes. Why was my werewolf daughter's placenta as hard as vampire skin? I had no idea.

Then I heard a new sound, and it was the only sound in the room. I struggled to hold on to consciousness. I had to see her! I still had enough presence of mind to know that this might be my only chance. "Give her to me," I choked.

Dimly, I was aware of Edward's face pressed gently against mine, as his fingers pressed firmly into my back. Those must be pressure points, because I really didn't feel much pain. I just felt cold.

Then I wasn't aware of anything except her. Held just in front of me was the most beautiful creature, the loveliest thing I had ever seen. _Now I know what imprinting is like_, I thought_. _She was that beautiful. And she was looking at me with almost as much adoration in her eyes, as I'm sure was in mine.

I studied her features and tried to memorize every curve and shade. She had my chocolate-brown eyes, luminescent skin that was lighter than mine and even more lovely than Rosalie's, teeth that were so perfect and white they seemed to almost glow, and curly copper-brown hair that reminded me of Edward's, just a shade or two darker. In fact, she looked like the perfect mix between me and... Edward?!

As beautiful as she was, it took a minute for my bewildered brain to realize that she looked totally wrong!

Where was Jacob in this child?

Was I hallucinating? I thought that I must be, but I knew that my imagination could never have created something so beautiful.

Yes, she was beautiful, and I was hopelessly in love with her. But what was going on? I heard a gasp and a whispered, "No," and I saw Jacob through the haze. He looked back and forth from Renesmee to Edward, and his expressions raced through a range of emotions so quickly I could not follow them – wonder, shock, anger, joy – too many emotions to name, and others I don't think there are even words for. I wanted to say something to him, but I had no idea what I should say. What could I say? I could feel my grip on consciousness slipping away from me, as I heard Jake say, "Take your... god-d... daughter. I have to tend to Bella!"

Had Jacob just cursed my daughter? _No Jacob. Don't blame her; blame me! _

I was angry, but too disoriented to think clearly. I seemed to be falling through an endless void. I knew that I had lost my struggle with consciousness and wondered if I had also lost my struggle with death. There was no light, no sound, no smell. There was no touch either, but that didn't mean that I didn't feel anything. I felt pain. I was burning! It started at discrete places: the creases behind my ears, my elbows, my knees, and in my armpits. I was being turned.

Those were the best places to inject vampire venom, so the scars would be hidden. I knew that. We had discussed the process often enough. Vampire venom was the only thing that could scar a vampire, and I would have these scars for the rest of my... existence. All of my other scars, the many mementos I had of my clumsy human life, would be washed – no, burned – away by the venom.

I was grateful that I had lost consciousness. I knew the pain would be much worse when that returned to me. I thought it odd, though, how this unconsciousness was so different from normal sleep, or even from being knocked out or under anesthesia. For one thing, I could still feel pain. For another, I could still think. Maybe the reason was that I had so many questions burning in my mind. They burned even more strongly than the venom burned through my veins. Questions that could not be stayed by a little thing like unconsciousness, or the transformation to immortality. The most important one: was Jacob all right? Alice had bitten him, and vampire venom was poison to werewolves. But he had seemed to be all right, when he came over to my side.

Jacob's condition was my most important question, but it wasn't something I could reason through. It worried me, and I worried at it, like a dog with a hard bone. But that didn't get me anywhere. Thinking about it didn't and couldn't help anything. And eventually I had to set it aside. I could only say a heartfelt prayer and hope for the best.

The other questions were all about Renesmee. What was she? _Who's_ was she? When and how had she been conceived? She looked nothing like Jacob. She looked like Edward – like me and Edward! She had to be Edward's. But how could that be? Vampires couldn't even have children, could they? And we hadn't ever made love. Had we? And if we did, why couldn't I remember it? How could I possibly forget something like that! The questions swirled around me and tossed my mind about, like it was caught in a maelstrom. If I could have spared a thought for it, I would have been grateful, because the questions kept my mind away from the pain. It pushed the pain aside like so much detritus.

After a while, I started coming up with theories and conclusions. Maybe vampires could have children. In my early research of vampires, back when I first suspected Edward might be one, I had read about the incubus. It was basically another name for a male vampire, but it was supposed to be able to father children by mortal women. Maybe Edward could father children and didn't know it? Or maybe he knew it and never told me. Why?

That one was easy – because I would have wanted it. Last year, before he left me, I would have demanded it! And it was obviously dangerous. Carrying Renesmee had almost killed me.

So I rejected that theory; it was impossible. Edward knowingly putting me in danger was a physical impossibility. Since I obviously had been in danger, Edward could not have known. It was as simple as that. That still left the question of when had we done it. And why did I not remember it?

Another thing that I remembered from my research was that vampires were often attributed with mental powers, powers of hypnotism. The incubus was supposedly able to seduce and impregnate an innocent woman, and to make her forget that it had ever happened. And Carlisle had told me about a couple of... acquaintances of his, Vlad from Romania (yes, that Vlad) and his partner, Stefan, who had incredible hypnotic powers. They had built an army of thralls and their own personal empire before the Volturi overthrew them. And Edward had even used a low-key hypnotism on me once, to help me get over my fear of heights, so he could carry me through the woods. It seemed likely that he could do more, if he needed to.

So Edward could probably have hypnotized me, made me forget that we had ever made love. That explained the how, and only left the why.

And the answer to that was obvious. We had cheated. When he had finally returned to me, we must have been so overcome by the joy of our reunion that we did something that we – or at least I – later regretted. As ashamed as I was to admit it, I didn't have to even ask myself if that was possible. I was still in love with Edward. In some ways, I had even more passion for him than I did for Jacob.

Yes, I could have done that, would have done that – did that, apparently. I tried to be a good person. I really did. But I was as weak as any human, weaker than many. And I had missed him so much! In spite of Jacob's love, I had been in pain the entire time Edward was gone. I missed him so!

Yes, it could have happened. And if it had happened, I would have been consumed with guilt about it. I loved them both, but I was committed to Jacob. And that meant a lot. As much as I loved Edward, I couldn't cheat on Jacob. By the same token, if Edward had come back a few weeks earlier, Jacob and I would have never even kissed. That's just the way I was; I didn't cheat.

Only I must have. Renesmee was the proof of it. And Edward must have made me forget it – or helped me to forget it. Maybe I had asked him to do this, so that I wouldn't be consumed by guilt. That seemed less likely to me; this was more Edward's style than mine – saving me from myself. But either way, he must have done it. It was the only explanation that made sense.

And where did that leave us? I loved both of them. But I was committed to Jacob. But Edward was the father of my child. And Jacob and I probably weren't even compatible any more, not the way a husband and wife need to be. But I was still committed to Jacob. And I was still in love with him too.

This new direction my thoughts were taking, while important, did not demand my focus so completely as the mind-boggling question of Renesmee had. And I began to notice something else intruding on my consciousness – consciousness! And pain! I was beginning to wake up. And I was on fire!

"Amazing. I don't think any vampire or human could do it," I heard Carlisle say over the roaring sound inside my ears. "With the venom coursing through her system, her body is sending out all the signals of dying prey. Most vampires would succumb in an instant, and even you and I have always had to leave the room for most of it."

Carlisle's voice seemed to come from a long way away. I didn't think he was in the room with me. His voice was muffled, as if through a wall.

"But," Edward agreed, "no human could do it either. They're not strong enough. And the smell of a nearby human would only make things worse for her. Then too, I doubt it would even work at all without Jasper."

Edward and Carlisle sounded very far away, but I could understand exactly what they were saying, even through my pain. And I knew where I was. I was in the infirmary at the Cullen's house. A glass wall separated it from the small observation room where Carlisle and Edward were. I was sure that Jasper was on the other side of the glass too, though I could not see or hear him. The glass was heavily reinforced; it would slow down even a vampire – for a few seconds. It let Jasper influence a patient's emotions without smelling her blood. So far, I was the only patient who had ever been here.

I didn't have to wonder very long what they were talking about; I felt hands and lips and even teeth stroking me, comforting me, caressing me, and sometimes even biting me – distracting me from the pain. That would be Jacob. He was with me, would be with me through this entire ordeal. What he was doing did not completely take my mind off the pain. There is no distracting someone from being sawed in two, dipped in acid and burned alive! But I was pretty sure it helped. I wanted the pain to be over. But I didn't want to die, the way every vampire who remembered going through this process described wanting to die.

I wanted to grab Jacob, to hold him tightly and make sure he didn't leave me, but I remembered how strong I now was – or soon would be. I wasn't sure I could move anyway, but if I could – if I hugged Jacob now, I might crush him into pulp. I wanted to yell for him to get away from me, but I couldn't do that either. For one thing, I couldn't afford to loosen my grip on myself. My teeth were tightly clinched, and I dared not open them. And for another, I just didn't want him to go. So I held myself quiet and still. I held myself in the fire, while I burned. And Jacob held me, and I knew that he would never let me go. More than anything else, it was that thought that made the pain bearable.

And then the pain got worse.

The worst parts were those periods of consciousness, when the pain threatened to consume not just my flesh, but to turn my very being into ashes. I was not sure if the small comfort and distraction Jake provided at those times was really worth the cost: that I was not able to scream or thrash about. But Rosalie and Emmett had told me that it did no good to scream or thrash, so I took what comfort I had and held myself still.

It was much better when the void took me. Here I had an advantage over most nacent vampires. Vampires are very susceptible to sensory deprivation; It could quickly drive them insane. That's why Edward couldn't just stuff his nose with cotton or wax whenever he was around me. (That whole business about vampires sleeping in coffins was pure hogwash. No vampire would be caught dead in one.) So most vampires in the making could not stay for long in that endless void. Their instincts drove them out of it – back into the pain. My advantage was that I was never bothered by the void. I was so distracted I hardly even noticed it. For one thing, I could still sense Jake's presence. I could still feel him dimly through the wall that closed me away from consciousness and at least some of the pain. For another, I had too many things to think about to worry too much about the lack of light and sound – and touch, and taste, and smell.

What was I going to do about Jake and Edward? I was still in love with both of them. But I couldn't have them both. Could I?

I felt ashamed for even thinking it, but... Edward said that I could have as much or as little of him as I wanted – or none at all, if I chose. And Jacob had said pretty much the same thing, back when I was keeping my distance from him and pretending to be back with Edward. And even though Jacob accepted my proposal, he had also accepted that he and I probably couldn't be together, as man and wife, after I became a vampire. Even if we didn't repulse each other, he – to put it bluntly – probably couldn't keep up with me. But maybe, just maybe, the fact that I would have so much more strength and energy than Jacob could be a plus for us. Maybe it could make something work that would otherwise be completely unworkable, even unthinkable.

There is a saying, that you can love two men, but you can't do right by more than one of them. I knew that saying was true, both parts. I loved two men – with all my heart. But I couldn't do right by even one of them, much less both. There just wasn't enough of me to go around.

But that was a human limitation. Humans only had sixteen waking hours in a day, and had to work and take care of the necessities of life for eight to ten of them. They had very limited energy, a short life span, and they could only devote their attentions to one thing at a time.

A vampire had none of those limitations. Not only did a vampire have more time and energy than a human, she had more... mind, as well. Edward once explained that he worried about me and thought about me, literally, constantly. Any human so obsessed would be completely unable to function. But a vampire had more mental capacity than a human.

As a vampire, I would be able to devote more attention, more thought and more devotion to both of them, than I ever could to either of them as a human. And I would still have enough time, strength and energy left to devote to the other people I cared about – to be a good mother, friend, sister and daughter.

Daughter? That sent my thoughts spinning in a new direction.

Oh, Charlie and Renee! They must think I'm dead already. What else could Carlisle tell them? They had to stay in the dark about vampires. We couldn't give the Volturi an excuse to kill them too. Had they even seen Renesmee yet? Or was she too vampire-like to risk it? I was afraid so, but I wasn't sure.

I just had to trust that Jake – no, Edward, I guess – I still hadn't come to grips with that. I would have to trust that they would make the right decisions there. I probably wouldn't be in any condition to make any decisions about my daughter for a year or so, until the madness and cravings associated with being a newborn became manageable.

It was all just too much to think about. And yet, it was not enough to distract me, to keep me out of the fire.

For three days I burned. When I was awake, it was physical agony – more intense than anything I could describe. Jake helped – just his presence helped more than I can describe. And Jasper kept me in a mood that let Jake help. But still it was agony. And my only escape was another kind of agony. I knew that some of the paths my mind followed were just the tortured fantasies of a mind pushed far beyond its limits. But they sure beat reality.

After a time, a time that seemed like several tortured lifetimes, the fire that threatened to consume my body decided to settle on my heart – my physical heart, that is. I wouldn't need it anymore. It finally stopped. It would never beat again. My emotional heart... well, that was another story. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, I found the strength to speak.

"Jacob? My love?"

The words sounded strange, like they were being played on a harp instead of spoken.

"Bella?" Jake's voice sounded strange too. Rough, coarse.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. I understood then what he had told me earlier, that he would seem crude and course to me now. I could see every hair follicle on his face, every blemish, every pore. My hand pressed to his face of its own volition, and I could see the dramatic contrast. My skin lacked the slightest blemish – except for the places where Carlisle's teeth had marked me. They were hardly noticeable in the creases inside my elbow and wrist. My eyes wandered involuntarily to see them. Yes, so faint no human would notice them under normal circumstances, and they disappeared completely if I bent my elbow or wrist. The others would be equally discreet, I knew.

My skin was a thousand times more smooth than Jacob's and was made of something akin to diamond. Jake's was soft, meaty. Crude. I knew that it would be unattractive to most vampires. But it wasn't to me. It reminded me of the way he looked to my human eyes four days ago. Covered in blood and sweat and grime from his fight with Irina, he had still looked beautiful to me. And he still did.

And his gravelly voice reminded me of Sachemo Armstrong, one of my all-time favorite singers. Rough and coarse didn't mean bad. Even his strong musky scent did not bother me. His smell was the smell of home. The strong smells of a farm or a city or a factory might seem overwhelming or even repugnant to outsiders, but they were the smells of home to the people who lived and worked there. It was like that. He smelled of safety. He smelled a little of sex. He smelled like love.

But I knew that my scent would not be anything so familiar or reassuring to him. It would be repugnant. My eyes wanted to well up at that thought, but it was hard for a vampire to cry. I didn't know how to do it yet.

"Are you... you?" he asked hesitantly, warily. He looked as though he was ready to react to any sudden moves on my part.

I thought about his question for one sixty fourth of a second – which was longer, I realized, than I had thought about his appearance and the contrast between our skins. My mind was moving very fast, very un-Bella like. Was I me? The question deserved some thought, and a better answer than just yes or no. I was very different than I had been three days ago. So I gave him the only answer I could. I told him the plain and simple truth.

"I still love you," I said. "You're still beautiful to me."

"Oh, Bella!" he cried in relief and flung himself on to me. He gave me a gentle hug and delicately pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back, but otherwise remained motionless. I had been warned about how strong I would be and how easily I could hurt anyone who wasn't a vampire. My hugs could even hurt vampires, but with them there would be no risk of lasting damage. Jake, I could break like a twig, if I wasn't careful. I needed to benchmark my strength before I tried to hug him back.

"You don't have to be quite so careful any more, Love," I said. "It's me who has to be careful now."

"Uh, actually," he responded looking slightly embarrassed, "I wasn't being careful. I was hugging and kissing you as hard as I could."

Oops. Yes, I would have to be very careful with Jake, both with what I did, and what I said. His ego wasn't as fragile as his body, but there was no point pushing it. And while I was thinking about blows to his ego...

"Jake," my voice cracked on the word, "Renesmee, she's... she's Edward's!"

I wondered how much longer I would have let myself burn, just to put off having to say that. I wished I could go back to burning again, to punish myself for saying it now.

"You saw that, huh?" he asked. "Yeah, well, it is what it is."

"Oh, Jake!" I cried happily, and my arms flew around him before I could stop them. He gave a little grunt of pain as they bumped into him, but his smiling grimace said he wasn't really hurt. I let my arms encircle him, but I didn't squeeze.

"Uh, maybe you'd better keep your hands clasped behind your back, for now, Bells," Jake said with a sheepish grin. "We've got a lot to talk about, and it looks like I could get hurt if I say anything to upset you – or make you happy."

I grimaced in chagrin and followed his advice. I clasped my hands firmly behind my back.

"But Jake, I... I can't believe how understanding you're being. And the other night, you... for a moment there, you looked like you were going to kill him."

"Well," he shrugged, "it was a bit of a shock, you know. But it's okay. I still love her, and she still loves me. I'm still her daddy, you know. Nothing's going to change that."

"Yes!" I exulted. Jake still wanted to marry me! And I was happy about it!

I really had changed.

"You'll be her daddy," I said, pecking his mouth and face carefully with my lips. "She'll just have two daddies. Or one daddy and one father. Or, well, whatever. We'll figure it out."

He just nodded and smiled uncertainly.

"But Jake, you have to know," I said in a rush, eager to get the words out while I still had the strength and courage to say them. If I waited, I didn't know if I would ever have the nerve to do it. "I didn't know. I honestly thought she was yours!"

"Huh?" was his confused response.

"I thought she was yours," I repeated. "I don't even remember ever making love to Edward. I know that's no excuse, but... I honestly thought she was yours!"

Jake stared at me in confusion, which I understood. Then he began to grin, which I didn't.

"Oh! You saw Nessie," (Ugh, I hated that nickname) "and you thought..." He started laughing, which actually began to make me angry, and I gripped my hands more tightly behind my back. I felt a wave of calmness wash over me – another gift from my meddling brother. It calmed Jacob too, which was good. And my expression helped calm him further. Yes, I still felt guilty and contrite, but patience wasn't my long suit just then.

"Bella," Jake said with a chuckle, "Renesmee is a shape shifter."

I knew that. Eleazar had told me she would be. But what did that have to do with anything? I just looked at him in confusion.

"Renesmee is my daughter," he said, grinning broadly now. "Our daughter. She's... gifted."

I was still confused.

"She looked a bit like Edward when you saw her," he continued, "because... well, because she wanted to. She thinks it's pretty."

"Kids. What do they know, huh?" he teased.

My head was spinning. Renesmee was Jake's? And she...

"Shape shifter?" I asked. "But I thought that just meant she could change into a wolf – like you! Like Seth and Leah and... How...?"

Jake shrugged. "They've got a lot of theories flying around. Carlisle thinks that maybe the only reason we all turn into wolves is just cultural. Quileute means 'people of the wolf', after all. Maybe any of us could turn into something else, if we really wanted to. But if it is cultural, that would explain why Nessie looks like a vampire. She doesn't know she's a Quileute, a wolf person. She loves me – us, but right now, she doesn't know she's a Black either. She kind of thinks she's a Cullen."

He said that with a kind of resigned exasperation, but not disgust. I noted that with pleasure, though ninety eight percent of my thoughts were still a jumble of other matters.

"There are a few other theories," Jake added, and his tone said he didn't like them. "But I think she's just gifted – like you and Alice and Edward are."

"But we're vampires, Jake," I objected. "A lot of us have special gifts. I've never heard of a werewolf having one before. Have you?"

"No," he admitted. "Not since the time of the spirit walkers. And that was a long time ago. But there are a lot fewer of us than there are vampires. Edward says that only about one in every two hundred or so vampires has a gift that you could really call a supernatural talent. That's about how many werewolves there have ever been! So maybe we were due."

He shrugged, but he also grinned. He looked very pleased that his daughter was so special. "And think about it," he added. "You already had your mind shield thing, even when you were human. So it kind of makes sense that your daughter would be talented too."

It did make sense, in a way. I was just having a hard time getting my mind around it. I had a bit of mental whiplash. I was just beginning to come to grips with the idea that she was Edward's, only to discover that she wasn't. And I was just coming to grips with her being a werewolf, only to discover that she was more than that. Something new and very strange.

And I had a bad feeling that I was still missing something.

"Wait a minute," I said. "When I said that she was Edward's, you said, 'You saw that?' What did you mean? Saw what?"

Jake suddenly had a hard time meeting my eyes. "Well, uh," he stammered. "It's just that... It's kind of like with Quil and Claire."

I saw red. "Edward – imprinted – on my daughter?" I practically spit the words.

"Nooo. Bella," Jake said, in a cajoling, condescending, somewhat annoying voice. "Vampires don't imprint."

I sighed in relief.

But Jake shook his head, sadly. "Shape shifters do."

"No!" I screamed.

"NOOO!"

I heard glass breaking, and I was only dimly aware that it was my own voice breaking it.


	14. Bargain

**14. Bargain**

Jasper was in the room before the glass hit the floor. He jumped in between us and shoved Jacob behind him.

"Hey!" Jacob objected.

"Careful, Jacob," Jasper warned. "Let me handle this."

"Come on, Jaz. Bella won't hurt me."

His words came out a bit slower and more plaintive than I would have expected. Maybe he was just tired, or maybe my mind worked so much faster now that everything seemed slow to me. It was probably a combination of both. I was also surprised that I was even able to consider these things, enraged as I was. I knew that vampires were able to think about more than one thing at a time, much better than a human could, but it still surprised me. Then I realized that I wasn't actually thinking about two things at the same time. I had gotten distracted. Easily distracted, our one weakness. I shook my head and turned my attention back to getting past Jasper.

"No?" Jasper asked. "Jacob, she's already hurt you. Your ear is bleeding."

What? I'd hurt Jake? This time, I wasn't distracted. I very consciously allowed my anger to ebb, as I turned my attention back to Jacob. Blood dribbled from his right ear. It looked delicious. It looked much better than it smelled. It smelled enticing but slightly gamey. It reminded me of eating at some ethnic restaurant where they cooked with unfamiliar spices. And it reminded me that I was hungry. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I tried to focus on the fact that Jacob was hurt. That distracted me from my anger for a moment, only to have my rage redouble as I realized that Edward had made me hurt him! One more thing the filthy bloodsucker had to answer for.

"Huh," Jacob grunted in surprise. He wiped a little blood from his ear and looked at it. Why did humans do stupid things like that? Surely he already knew what his blood looked like. "Guess she busted an eardrum. S'okay. It'll heal in a minute."

"Bella," he said in a cooing voice, turning his attention back to me. "Calm down. Edward didn't do anything. Renesmee imprinted on him. He's no more to blame than Claire or Emily are."

He sounded reasonable, but my quick new brain was already two steps ahead of him. While I looked for an opening to get around Jasper, I diverted a fraction of my attention back to Jacob, to patiently explain to him why Edward had to die.

"Did you not tell me yourself that the vampires were to blame for the werewolves' curse?" I asked. "That it was their – our – chaotic and evil magic that made Sam forsake Leah, and turned Quil into a toddler's pet? Of course it's not Emily's or Claire's fault. But it is Edward's. And now he has turned that black magic on my – little – girl!"

"Yeah, well...," Jacob hemmed and hawed lamely.

The poor dear. I never realized before how simple he was, how simple all humans were. I would not be like other vampires; I wouldn't think of humans or werewolves as prey or cattle. But I could see now that they were sort of like pets, or at least children. They needed someone to look after them. I would look after Jacob now, the way that he had looked after me before – just as soon as I took care of Edward, and got my daughter out of the fiend's clutches. Renesmee obviously needed my protection and guidance even more than Jacob did. She was just a baby, after all. But even if, like Jacob, she could never be my mental equal, I would still love her and protect her.

"I don't think he did it on purpose," Jacob continued, and I was beginning to get exasperated; the expression, seen and not heard, came to mind. "And I don't think I can begrudge him a couple of months of smiles and hugs for... Think about it Bells. What kind of evil mastermind makes a deal like that? I mean..."

"Shut up, Jacob. Shut up."

I heard Edward's voice clearly, as if it was right beside my ear, but my new awareness told me that it was the barest whisper, spoken from downstairs.

Jacob rolled his eyes indulgently. "She can't read my mind the way you can, Edward," he said. "But she can hear you."

Edward was in the room before Jacob finished talking, looking petulant and embarrassed. He looked at me, but he did not speak to me. Smart man. Something passed between him and Jacob, as it often did between Edward and his family members. They would often share a thought with him, and he would respond non-verbally. For the first time, I found it annoying. How did the others put up with it?

"Please, Jacob," Edward pleaded. "Give her a little more time."

"That's what I'm doing!" Jacob answered angrily, though it didn't seem the anger was directed at Edward. "By not letting her waste the time she's got."

"Bella," he said to me, "two months. You'll have plenty of time to be mad at him later. But put your anger down for two months."

"Sure, sure," I said sarcastically. "The Volturi are coming. We'll all be dead in two months."

I'd seen this picture before. And Frankly, I was getting a little bored by it. Death had lost a bit of it's sting for me – been there, done that. I got the tee shirt, and the hangover.

"No, Bella," Jacob corrected me. "Alice had a new vision as soon as you started turning into a vampire. We don't all have to die. Only one of us does."

Oh. Well, I guess it still stung a little. But really, I'd already made my peace with it. I was ready to die for my family. I just needed to kill Edward first.

Then I saw Jacob's expression, the sadness in his eyes, aimed in a direction where I never, ever, thought to see it. My mind cleared, and my knees weakened, as reality struck home.

Since awakening as a vampire, I'd felt enormously, unbelievably, strong. Gravity, that chainer of worlds that used to hold me down and subject me to frequent scrapes and indignities, seemed to brush against me now like the lightest down feather. I had laughed at its impotence. But now I sank to my knees, like a mortal with the weight of the whole world crushing her.

Edward.

I don't know if I spoke the word out loud, but he was there beside me before my knees hit the floor.

"There, there, Bella," he whispered as he hugged me. "It's alright."

I shook my head. No.

No.

"Bella," he said more firmly, "Jacob was wrong."

I looked up begrudgingly, to look for the lie in his eyes. He could never lie to me – not about really important things. I wouldn't have been fooled by him last September, if I had not been so ready to believe in my own inadequacy. I would not be fooled now. But when I looked into his eyes, I saw only sincerity.

"About the bargain I made," he explained.

"You know, I consider myself a pretty good negotiator." He tapped his psychic and brilliant head conspiratorially. "But trading eternity for a couple of months of smiles and hugs, and sharing diaper duties with Jacob – well, that's the best deal I've ever made. Heck, for the hollow and pointless existence I had to look forward to, even a few weeks would have been a steal."

I smiled weakly and squinted. He looked fuzzy.

"There, there," he said, wiping my face with his hands. "You don't want to get tears on Jacob or Renesmee. They'll burn them, you know. You have to be careful."

Oh. So this was crying. Alice had said it was hard to do. That was the first time I'd ever known her to be wrong.

We knelt there, holding each other. After a few seconds, I reached one hand over my shoulder to take Jake's warm hand in mine. And we were still for several minutes. I could feel the hunger coming on me, and I knew that I would have to tend to that soon. But for just a few minutes, I was whole.


	15. Changeling

**15. Changeling**

The blissful calm lasted only for a few minutes. Soon I felt the craving come back; I would have to feed soon. But no sooner did I think that, than I was distracted from it again.

"Well, are you going to kill him, or are you just going to make out with him right in front of your fiancé? Oww!" Jake's yell largely drowned out the cracking sound from his hand.

I didn't mean to squeeze it... too hard. I was instantly on my feet, looking up at him apologetically. He winced a bit as he popped a knuckle back into place. I found myself standing next to him, reaching to touch his hand so softly that only a couple of molecules of each fingertip even brushed his flesh. Was he all right?

But he just grinned and asked, "So... mood swing much, Bells?"

I didn't have a comeback for that one.

So far, I was off to a great start in my new life. First I threaten to kill my best friend and my daughter's imprint, then I break my fiancé's hand. Good going, Bella. Maybe they would have to put me down before I killed someone.

It was Jasper who came to my defense.

"Jacob," he said, "you have no idea how well she's doing. She got her emotions back under control like... well, like nothing I've ever seen before!"

"You didn't do that, Jas?" asked a surprised Edward.

That was itself surprising. Nothing surprised Edward. Nothing except me, that is.

He really must be distracted.

"No," Jasper answered earnestly. "I was going to, but then she didn't need it. And did you see that? She only hurt Jacob a little, and that was only because she is so used to him being much stronger than her."

"Jacob," he added, "you're not properly impressed because you just have no idea how bad it normally is!"

"Sure, sure," Jacob responded casually. "I remember what it was like when I first changed into a wolf. The power, the rush. One minute, you're exultant, the next, you're in a blinding rage. I controlled it better than any of the others, but I had a feeling Bells would do even better than I did. She's responsible; she is a mom, after all. She just needs to get something in her belly. You guys go hunt. I'm gonna go give my daughter some zubers."

Edward and Jasper shared a look that said they thought Jacob was a child or something, but I was with Jake on this one. It was ridiculous to act like I'd just done something wonderful, just because I hadn't done anything too terrible. What was next? Giving me a medal for not killing anyone?

"Hey, wait a minute," I interjected, getting Jake to halt right at the door. "Aren't you coming with me on my first hunt?"

He shook his head. "Not this time, Bells. Edward and Jasper can show you the ropes. I really do want to go see Renesmee. I've hardly had ten minutes with her since she was born."

Then he rushed down the hall without saying anything else. I stared after him, more than a little hurt. Maybe, as much as he had assured me that nothing had changed – things had changed? Maybe, now that the crisis was past, he couldn't bear to be in the same room with me? Were Jacob's senses and instincts screaming at him to get away from me, or worse – kill me?

It used to be that way with Jasper. In an emergency, he controlled himself with an iron will that bordered on the preternatural. It was in normal times, what should have been happy times, that he could hardly stand to be in the same room with me.

"Don't worry, Bella," Edward reassured me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Jacob's just having a few control issues of his own right now. This is the longest he's gone without phasing since first becoming a werewolf. He's afraid that even talking about it will make him lose his concentration. And he really does want – no, need – to see Renesmee. That will help him calm down better than anything else could."

"But why?" I asked. "Why not go ahead and phase and come hunt with me? Is he afraid that his instincts will have him attacking me, or me him?"

"Oh no," Edward said with a reassuring chuckle. "It's nothing like that. He's actually looking forward to cutting lose with you by his side. But he can't phase right now; he knows things he can't let the rest of the pack know."

Oh. That made sense. Kind of. It reminded me that I still had about a million questions of my own.

"Come, Bella," Edward insisted. "Let's hunt before Jasper starts getting gray hairs and wrinkles. He's monitoring your emotions like a high-school science teacher monitoring an experiment involving nitroglycerin. He's finding it more and more difficult to believe that you could go this long, this calm, without even feeding. I'm actually fairly astonished myself, but Jasper is getting it more directly."

The hunt was pretty much uneventful. My mind was never far from the house: Jacob, Renesmee, Edward – and again Renesmee. I'm sure that situation would still have had me frantic, if the even larger issue of the Volturi wasn't crowding out all lesser concerns. We were going to live through it. Alice had seen it. Most of us were going to live through it, except for Edward. Edward was going to die.

Somehow that seemed so much worse, or at least more imminent, more real, than the danger to the rest of us. Somehow it seemed even worse than the danger Jake had been in, just a few short days ago. And that bothered me. Was it that I really did love Edward more than Jake? I didn't want to go there, and I didn't really think that was it. Partly it was just that I had always taken it for granted that Jake and I, and almost all the people I loved, would die some day. It was a given. I had known and accepted that death was a part of life, since at least eight years ago, when Gran Gran died. I thought that was just the circle of life. (You can guess what movie Renee took me to see, right after the funeral.) That understanding – some called it morbidity or fatalism, but I liked to think of it as acceptance – was the main reason I never got all that worked up over the non-vegetarian vampires, or even the Cullen's occasional lapses. Everybody has to die some day.

The exception to that rule was the Cullen's – especially Edward. They weren't supposed to die. Their beauty, like beauty itself, was supposed to endure. Several times, when I thought that I was about to die, I found it comforting to think that Edward would go on and on, and would always remember me. That was a kind of immortality, for myself, and even for everyone else I cared about. Edward knew, and would remember, all of us; and he would carry that memory with him through the eons.

The other reason that I was so much more upset about Edward than I had been about the rest of us was that Alice had seen it – seen it as a near-certainty. And Alice was almost never wrong.

I was so lost in thought that it surprised me to realize that we were no longer hunting. Edward and Jasper were both staring at me as if I was a crazy person or some dangerous animal they had cornered. I was instantly on alert myself.

"What's wrong?" I asked, half panicked.

"You caught that scent, the human," Jasper said in a tone that was half question, half accusation.

"Oh, yes!" I said, practically swooning at the memory of the indescribably... intoxicating aroma. My throat was suddenly on fire with the pain of loss. The pain made an interesting counterpoint to the sensual pleasure. It reminded me, embarrassingly, of the way that Jake had given me pleasure to counterbalance the pain of transformation. I realized that this juxtaposing of pleasure and pain could be a useful, if somewhat embarrassing, tool for fighting the cravings that I would always feel whenever I was around humans. I was so, so, so glad that no one could read my mind. I just wished Jasper couldn't so easily read my less-cerebral reactions.

"But you steered me away from him, so it's okay, right?" I asked.

I couldn't quite understand their shock. Even more confusing was Jasper's mood, which slowly seemed to change into one of... disappointment? What? Did he actually want me to kill one of our neighbors? Edward just seemed insufferably, and rather cryptically, amused.

He was even more amused after the very one-sided fight I had with a cougar. The cougar had no chance against me. I wanted to show my kill to my hunting companions, but Edward and Jasper turned their backs to me and started taking off their shirts. And they chuckled while they did.

"What are you two doing?"

"Giving you the proverbial shirts off our backs, Love," said Edward. Still chuckling and still not looking at me, he and Jasper both held their shirts out to me.

Realizing that I was missing something, I looked around, and then down – and saw what the cougar had done to the formerly-beautiful dress I was wearing. The tattered rags that were all that was left of it did little to cover my modesty; the blood that was splattered all over me covered more than they did.

I would have blushed, if I still could. I laughed with a mixture of humor and embarrassment. Stripping out of the torn and bloody rags, I put on Edward's shirt and wrapped Jasper's shirt around my waist before telling the boys they could turn back around. Jasper looked as embarrassed as I was, in spite of – or maybe because of – his involuntary barely-suppressed laughter. But Edward laughed openly, as he picked up the remains of my clothes to take them to the incinerator.

"Souvenir?" I asked.

"We don't need to leave this kind of evidence lying on the forest floor," he said.

I'm sure I would have been laughing too, if I was in their place. But my own tentative giggles stopped abruptly when I saw their bare chests. Wow. With my new eyes, I realized that I was going to have to come to a whole new understanding of what beautiful meant. And that thought turned my attention back to what was really important.

My hunger was gone. In fact, I was quite full. And I'd had quite enough of running through the woods.

"May I see her now?" I asked.

Edward looked at Jasper, who just shrugged. He still seemed surprised by my behavior but obviously could think of no good reason for me not to see my daughter. We headed back to the house at a quick trot.

I was a little annoyed by Jasper's frequent, incredulous glances. Was one of the shirts not adjusted correctly? But no, I knew he would never be that rude. He just seemed amazed (disappointed?) that I wasn't behaving the way he expected.

As we approached the house, Edward turned to Jasper with a smile and said, "Stinky."

Jasper rolled his eyes, and I started to object. The last thing my daughter needed was another nick name, least of all 'Stinky'. Earlier, Edward had called her by her middle name, Carlie. And Jacob (the rat) was insisting on calling her Nessie. I planned to be just as insistent on calling her by her proper name, Renesmee.

But, just as I started to say something, we broke through the holly hedges that surrounded the Cullen's back yard. I barely even noticed when one of the hard briers scraped across my right cornea. That would be pretty effective at keeping errant humans out, I thought. And then I saw the whole Cullen family, as well as the Denali, standing across the yard, arrayed protectively around Jacob and the tiny, precious bundle he held.

My forward motion went from sixty to zero in less than a second. I stood perfectly still. I was suddenly, literally petrified at the thought of meeting her, of being close to her. What if I had another of my sudden mood swings? Another non-human moment.

Jasper seemed to share my concern and danced ahead of me nervously, but Edward took my hand and began to slowly lead me forward.

"Don't worry," he said. "I can't read your mind, but I can read Alice's. And your future is crystal clear: You're going to love your daughter."

Jacob arched an eyebrow at my make-shift garment, but he didn't say anything. He just smiled and tilted his head forward to brush his nose against his daughter's forehead. I don't know what the rest of the family was doing right then. I didn't notice. Jacob and Renesmee filled my vision so completely that there was no room for anything else.

Renesmee's face was still hidden from me by her wrappings. Only her left hand and a wisp of hair were visible. Both looked darker than I remembered. But human memories are cloudy, tricky things. And their vision was less than ideal. I was anxious to see what she really looked like.

When Edward had lead us close enough that he could reach out and touch her, he said, "Bella, you met Nessie, briefly, a few days ago."

"This," he said, "is Carlie." He gripped my hand tightly, and with his other hand he brushed aside the cloth that was obscuring Renesmee's face.

I could only gape in wonder. The baby he revealed looked as much like me, like I used to look, as the baby I saw three days ago. But she looked as much like Jacob now, as she had looked like Edward then. Maybe more so. Nessie had not, after all, looked exactly like a vampire, not quite. She had looked half-vampire, half-human.

Now she looked all human, or at least as human as Jacob – in his human form. Like Jacob and the other wolves, she was a bit too perfect to be a real human. She was a bit larger than a typical newborn baby, I think. She was darker too, though my limited experience there had always been with Caucasians. She was darker than I had been, but still a bit lighter than Jacob. Her nose and mouth were both broader and thicker than mine, which was the reverse of the way she had looked before. But in both cases, you could see me in them. Gone were the coppery blond curls that had me convinced she must be Edward's. Her hair had just a tiny wave to it and was practically jet black, with the merest touch of red where the sun touched it. It was my hair, and Jacobs. Like the baby it belonged to – mine, and Jacobs.

Though beautiful by anyone's standards, she was not the stop-traffic and make-people-gape beauty that I had seen three days ago. Comparing this baby to that one would be like comparing the carved wooden wolf on my charm bracelet to... a diamond pendant. Which was more lovely? Which was more precious? I know what the jewelry stores and the modeling agencies would say. But I wasn't a jeweler or a talent scout. This was the baby Jake and I had made. The baby I had imagined while I was pregnant could only hope to be so beautiful.

I was a bit surprised, almost shocked, by her outfit, though. It looked like she was wearing one of Rosalie's exercise unitards. (No, she doesn't need to exercise, but she does sometimes jog.) The jump suit, if that's what it was, was tied at her wrists and ankles to keep it from swallowing her. I could hardly believe Alice or Rosalie or even Esme would let her be dressed this way. Things had happened so quickly that I hadn't done any shopping, but I had assumed Alice and Rose would have gotten her something. Maybe that was presumptuous of me, but I knew how they were – or thought I did.

Then I caught a whiff of her scent, so like Jacob's. My nose wrinkled almost imperceptibly before my smile wiped that away. I heard a quick, soft snort from Emmett, and I looked over to see him looking triumphantly at Alice. He gave a start, when he realized he had been caught, and looked guiltily down at the ground.

"Do not tell me that you bet Alice I would do that," I coldly accused.

"Uh, well, um," he stammered. "Honest, Bella, I didn't mean anything. Everyone did that – made a face, I mean – everyone except Edward. And Alice laughed at me when I did. And I just said, off the cuff, 'I bet even Bella scrunches her nose a little.' I didn't even bet her anything. I just said 'I bet'."

I glared at him. I almost felt sorry for him. Only an idiot bets against Alice. He might have 'won' the bet, but I would not soon forget or forgive that he had bet against me on such a thing. I looked over at Alice, who just smiled innocently. I sighed and took another long look at the sleeping baby, then I looked around at my family's smiling faces.

Jacob looked like the happiest man in the world, and the Cullens all beamed like the proud aunts and uncles and grandparents that they were. Even the Denali coven looked like a part of our happy family. And I suddenly realized that it was true. The Denali and the Cullens had long considered each other as family, and now I was a part of that family. And the Denali were bound to me and to Renesmee through their oaths to Jacob as well. It gave me a warm feeling to be a part of such a large and close-knit family. It was so different from the way I grew up, though of course I still loved...

"Charlie and Renee," I mused aloud. "What...? Have they met her? What have you told them?"

I looked over at Carlisle and Esme, who both fidgeted in very un-vampire-like ways. It was Esme who spoke: "We can't let them see her in person until we can control, or at least predict, her transformations. But they have seen pictures. They are as much in love with her as we are. Naturally."

"Pictures... of which one?" I wondered aloud. "And what about me? What have you told them?"

"Uh," Esme answered hesitantly, "well, they think you're in intensive care, with a rare and contagious disease. And we had to keep our options open, so... both of them. We've shown them pictures of both of them. They think you had twins."

Oh. Well, I guess it could be worse. At least they didn't think I was dead. Or Renesmee. They just thought I had... twins?

One who looked like Jacob. And the other who... looked... like... Edward?

"Aughhhh!"

There was a wall of vampires between me and Renesmee before the sound even reached my lips. But, of course, it still woke her. My cry ceased instantly, the moment I heard her plaintive mewl.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I pleaded. "Is she all right?"

The Cullens all looked at me in shock. They weren't surprised that I had lost control, but rather that I had regained it so quickly. But Jake just said, "She's fine. Aren't you, Renesmee? Mommy's here. She's just letting off a little steam. Do you want to meet her Renesmee? Uh huh. I thought so."

"No, Jake," I objected, "I'm not..."

Edward and Alice stepped aside, as Jake stepped forward.

"…ready?"

The word caught in my throat, as I locked eyes with Renesmee. She was sitting up in Jake's arms, alert and curious. Her hair was lighter and curlier now, her skin lighter and smoother. She smelled more like a vampire too, sweeter, and less like food. This was Nessie – as much like me and Edward, as Carlie was like me and Jacob. I forgave myself again for my earlier confusion. Really, what else could I have thought?

Her brow wrinkled, as though she didn't quite know what to make of me. I was as curious as she was. Though, for me, curious didn't begin to describe it. I was desperate to get to know this tiny person who I had brought into the world. What did she like? What did she hate? What _was_ she like? Would she like me? Did I frighten her? Was she Nessie whenever she was awake and only turn into Carlie to sleep?

I hoped not.

"She tends to phase whenever she's startled," said Jacob, with a shrug. "We all do, at first."

I smiled sheepishly and spared a glance at the proud papa's smiling face. He always seemed to know exactly what I wanted and needed and was thinking, often even before I did. It was funny, really; Edward could read everyone's mind, except mine. But to Jacob, who couldn't read anyone's mind, I was an open book. I was surprised and pleased that he could still do that now that I was a vampire. I didn't think I would be quite such an open book now that I couldn't blush, and breathing was purely voluntary, and my heart couldn't race.

How did he do that anyway? I'd have to ask him later.

I looked back at Renesmee's brown eyes, the only part of her that did not seem to change at all between Carlie and Nessie. Somehow, I knew that, even though I had only seen Carlie's eyes through her half-closed lids and long eyelashes. They were my eyes, Edward had told me that they were exactly the same color as mine had been. And they were absolutely beautiful – brown, but a brown that was, on close inspection, made of every color of the rainbow, even blue and violet and a couple of new colors that I had no name for. People had always told me that I had beautiful eyes, but I had never really appreciated it before. How could I? No human could see this level of detail, especially not in a mirror.

It pleased me to realize that my eyes had been this beautiful to the Cullens, and especially to Edward. I felt a brief pang of remorse that I had lost that. But then I realized that I hadn't lost it, not really. I had just given it to my daughter.

Then they changed. One moment, I was looking at rich, dark-brown eyes. The next, I was looking at brilliant red ones. Like the brown, they were not just one shade. They were many colors, swirling and radiating together – blood and ruby and rose and candy-apple and brake lights and fire – and just a touch of those two other colors, so new and vibrant they were distracting. 33Imagine if you had gone your whole life without ever seeing the color blue, and then one day you just looked up and saw – the sky. It was sort of like that. I decided that I would have to take time later to just enjoy and appreciate my new senses.

For now, I wanted to unravel the mystery that was my daughter. I tried to replay the moment in my mind, when her eyes had changed from brown to red. But there didn't seem to be one. It was as if the brown I had marveled over earlier had just been a trick of the light. I smiled in wonder, and Renesmee giggled playfully.

She looked up at Jake, and he dramatically shielded his own eyes, as if from the sun.

"Whoa ho!" he laughed. "Those are freaky girl! Your mom's got freaky eyes, doesn't she?"

"Do you recognize her, Renesmee? Did you know that was your mommy?" She looked at him and cocked her head quizzically. There was a motion that slightly startled me, and Edward was suddenly holding me, followed quickly by Jasper. I had time to wonder why they would do this, before I noticed that Jake was no longer holding a little baby, but a full-grown woman. And the woman was... me?!

I marveled for an instant at this latest transformation.

And then the smell hit me.

I cannot begin to describe it, so I won't try. It was a hundred times – no, a thousand times better, and a thousand times worse – than the scent I had caught earlier in the woods. My body reacted beyond my control, as if I were being electrocuted. But at least I was somewhat prepared. I stopped breathing instantly and curled myself tightly into a ball. In my head, I kept repeating: I will control myself. I will control myself. I will control myself. I will not hurt my daughter!

"I don't believe it!" I heard Jasper exclaim.

"You're kidding," said Edward.

Emmet rushed up to put himself between me and Renesmee. "What are you two going on about?" he asked.

"Bella's reaction to her own former scent is as strong as Edward's ever was," Jasper explained.

"Oh man!" said Emmet. "Bummer!"

In the background, I heard Jacob praising Renesmee for recognizing me and for showing everyone what I used to look like. But at the same time, he tried to encourage her to change back into something less appetizing.

"Yes," he repeated, "that's her. But you need to change back now, Carlie. Mommy wants to visit Carlie, okay?"

"Renesmee," said Edward sternly. "I do not like that."

Still curled up, I shot a glare at Edward. I understood, at least intellectually, the power an imprint had over the imprinted werewolf.

And I didn't like it.

He looked back at me apologetically. "I know, Bella," he said softly. "I don't like having so much power over her either. And I swear this is the first time I've used it, and I hope it will be the last. But according to Jasper, your reaction to your own scent was as strong as mine was! You've got to be able to trust that she won't do that again."

I didn't like it. Not one little bit. An imprinted werewolf would never do anything that upset his or her imprint. That was way more power than even a parent should have over a child. But I also knew that he was right. On this one matter, I'd let him use that power. I had to. I shuddered to think what might have happened if I had been holding her when she did that. I wondered if it was safe for me to check and see what effect Edward's disapproval had had on Renesmee. The smell – my smell – had vanished, and that struck me as strange. Shouldn't it have changed into Carlie or Nessie, rather than simply vanish?

I had myself pretty well under control. So, without uncurling from the ball I was in, I tilted my head enough to peek around my arm at Jake and Renesmee. What I saw left me absolutely speechless.

"Oh, very funny." I heard Jacob say to Renesmee. "Does that look like Carlie? I don't think so. Carlie's much prettier than that. Look at that beak nose. Is that supposed to be a vampire, or a crone? Yuck."

Jacob was standing there holding... Edward – my tall, handsome, vampire ex-boyfriend – like he would hold a baby. They were both giggling like children, and Jake kept trying to grab Edward's nose off his face, like he thought it didn't belong there.

That's what it looked like. But in fact, Jacob wasn't holding Edward like he would hold a baby. He was holding a baby – like he would hold Edward. Renesmee had transformed herself into Edward's perfect likeness. She kept turning her head at the last minute, whenever Jake was about to get her nose. His inept misses made her squeal and giggle in glee – in Edward's voice, no less. And there was absolutely no difference between her scent and Edward's. That's why I couldn't smell her. The smell of Edward, standing next to me, drowned her out.

"It's fairly effective as a means of communication," Edward chuckled. "Her face changes into Esme's when she needs changing – only because Esme was the first one to change her; we're all doing our shares. She shows us Emmett's face when she wants to play, Rose's when she's hungry and – after seeing him raid the larder – Jacob's when she's really hungry. Right now she's just trying to make up with me."

He stepped forward and kissed his twin on the cheek, but he didn't offer to take her from Jacob. My mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Jake looked a bit embarrassed, but he stared me down defiantly. "What? Am I supposed to scold her for turning into her favorite people? Or drop her on the ground? She's only three days old, for crying out loud."

"I'm going to need therapy," I moaned.

That brought howls of laughter from the whole family. Renesmee looked startled. And then she was Carlie again. She seemed to wonder if she had done something funny. She was obviously very used to being the center of attention. But then she joined everyone else, laughing happily at me. She didn't need to get the joke to know that I had made one.

"You think you need therapy," laughed Alice. "Pity her poor grandfather. Sunday, the row at the council meeting had just settled down, and everyone was concentrating on you. Rosalie took Renesmee, as soon as Edward would let her – as soon as he was sure she wouldn't take it as a rejection. He didn't want Renesmee to see how worried he was. He could see in my mind that you were going to be fine, but he's a born worry wart, and the first few minutes are the most dangerous part of the transformation. So Rose was holding her, trying to decide what to feed her, when all of the sudden, Rose was holding... Rose. Right down to that cute little dimple that only Emmett knew about. Oh, well, Emmett and Edward, I guess."

"Only because he thinks about it all the time!" Edward laughed.

"Anyway," she continued. "So, who could help but stare? I think you and Jacob were the only ones in the whole room who didn't. And you were kind of unconscious at the time. Even I stared for a second. But Renesmee is still a blind spot to me, so while my eyes were fixed on the tableaux in front of me, my inner sight was looking around the room, about a second ahead. Billy Black was gaping like a fish out of water. So I turned to him and said, 'You do realize that's a new-born infant, and your granddaughter at that, don't you?' The poor man slapped his hand over his eyes so fast he gave himself a nosebleed. Then he almost had a heart attack when he realized that his nose was bleeding in a room full of vampires! It was hilarious!"

I don't think either Rosalie or Jacob thought it was as funny as Alice did. But Jake was the only one who didn't chuckle. And I really did feel sorry for Billy, but I couldn't help chuckle either. I wish I had been... conscious.

"Alice, you're terrible," I chided.

"Hey, even 'good' vampires have to be a little bad sometimes," she said innocently.

I sobered at another memory. "Oh Alice," I said sadly, "you attacked little Claire."

"No I did not!" she replied indignantly. "Why does everyone assume I was attacking her?"

"Because you are one scaaary little monster," said Jake pinching her arm playfully.

"Look who's talking, Cujo."

"Hey, you bit me. Remember?" said Jacob, twisting his head to show her the side of his neck.

"I said I was sorry, and I'm not saying any more about it."

I noticed the tiny double-crescent scar near the back of Jacob's neck. Renesmee looked too, and a tiny twin to it appeared on her own neck. I shook my head. How were we going to teach her not to do things like that around humans?

"Wait a minute," I said. "I thought vampire venom was poisonous to werewolves."

"Yeah, but the antidote is werewolf saliva," said Jacob.

I replayed the events at the council meeting in my mind. "Leah?" I asked.

"We all promised to never speak of it again," said Jacob. "Ever."

"So, do you want to hear what happened?" asked Alice. "It's actually important."

I nodded and indicated that she had my attention, though really it was still split between her and Renesmee. My daughter and I traded smiles, and I longed to hold her, but I was afraid to get too close. What if she suddenly changed into someone like me again?

"You remember how the Young's came into the room, and Claire jumped into Quil's arms?" Alice asked. I thought she was being rhetorical, but then I remembered that Alice had no memory at all of her own transformation. So I nodded. "What you don't know is that something extraordinary happened there. When Quil lifted Claire into the air, I could see Quil's future."

My head jerked towards her in surprise.

"Remember how Eleazar described it – that the werewolves dance to a tune I can't follow? Well, when Quil is holding Claire, his entire being is focused on her. He completely sublimates his needs and wants to hers. The closest analogy I can think of is a pregnant woman, or more specifically, you – the way your entire life became dedicated to Renesmee's well being. When he's physically holding her, Quil is no longer dancing to a tune I can't follow. He's dancing to the tune she's singing.

It doesn't seem to work with the adult imprints. With them it's more like a duet, both partners completely dedicated to the other. But Quil's relationship to Claire, like a parent's – no, like a mother's to her baby – is completely one-sided. Suddenly, I could see his future as plain as day. I felt a bit like an unwelcome intruder there, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Because, you see, Quil is part of the Pack. His future is the Pack's future. And the Pack's future is our future. I had a window into our future, and I had to look through it. All of our futures depend on it!

Then, Quil made the decision to send her away. And that was a very bad decision. When he was handing her back to her father, I reached out to grab her because, to me, it was like he was dropping her off a cliff. If she leaves us, she will die. And so will we."

Everyone was quiet while I absorbed this information. If she leaves... us?

If she leaves us. That meant she hadn't left. I focused my attention on the house a hundred and three yards away. There were four people inside – one werewolf and three humans. Quil was talking, telling Claire's parents what was going on out here. Claire was sleeping. It was two twelve AM, Wednesday morning, May twenty ninth. Graduation was in five days. The Volturi would be here in fifty six days.

Desperately, I looked over at Edward.

"As long as Quil is holding Claire," he explained, "Alice can see the pack's future. She can coordinate the battle."

The battle. There would be a battle in fifty six days. Wednesday, July twenty fourth. The calculation was simple.

And I could see it in all of their faces – especially Alice's.

That was the day that Edward would die.


	16. Mortal Dread

16. Mortal Dread

I could see it in all their faces. Edward was going to die in the fight with the Volturi, and everyone knew it. Everyone except Renesmee, that is. She looked confused and anxious about the suddenly somber mood around her. She began to fidget in Jacob's arms. She made little whining and grunting sounds, as she reached her tiny hands out to me. She was Carlie now, but I was afraid that she would start trying other forms, to see if I responded better to one of them. I didn't want her to do that. I didn't want her to think that I was in any way displeased with her 'normal' self. Hesitantly, I reached one hand out towards her. Then I stopped myself.

"May I touch her, Jacob?" I asked.

He looked a little nervous, but he didn't tense up or otherwise convey his nervousness to Renesmee. He brought her forward just a little, to let her hand touch mine.

"Careful, Bells," he said. "She'll be a stinky werewolf one second, and sweet-smelling Claire, or Carol, or Emily the next."

It was Claire's face that looked back at him questioningly, as if to ask if this was what he meant. That was the first time I'd seen her do that, change just her face and not her whole body. I got a whiff of the human scent, but it was largely masked by her own more musky smell. I hardly even tensed at it, and neither did Jacob. But the rest of the family did, if only for an instant. It filled me with joy to see how protective they all were of her. But at the same time, it upset me that they thought she needed protecting from me. I tried not to let it bother me.

"Yes, that's Claire," said Jacob to Renesmee, showing his pride in her ability and her precociousness. "But Mommy wants to see Carlie now. Carlie."

It was Carlie who looked back at me then, still curious and anxious for me to hold her. I caressed and held her outstretched hand, as I studied her beautiful face. She reminded me a little of Kim, Jarred's imprint. Her face, which at first glance seemed pretty, if plain, on closer inspection was absolutely gorgeous. This girl could indeed hold her own against the pale and perfect Nessie. I also noticed with some concern that she did not look at all like a two-day-old baby. She looked weeks or even months old. I couldn't be sure about that, never having spent much time with infants before. But she definitely did not look like a newborn.

I thought about how Jacob had gone from a sixteen year old boy, to someone who could easily pass for a man in his mid-twenties – in a matter of just a few months. Was Renesmee going to do that, zip through her childhood in a matter of months? The thought made me sad, and anxious not to miss a single minute of it.

"Jacob, may I please hold her?" I pleaded. "I'll hold my breath, it won't matter what she smells like. Please."

Jacob looked startled by my request, and I heard an audible gasp from Edward. I ignored that and continued to stare pleadingly with Jacob, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward tense, almost as if for battle. Esme took his hand in hers and held it comfortingly.

Had I fallen through the rabbit hole? Edward suspicious of me? He was being even more protective of Renesmee than Rose was! And he was protecting her from me! I tried to step back to think this through logically. I really did.

"What is your problem, Edward?" I snapped. Stepping back and thinking things through were not my strong suits just then.

Edward's head jerked back in surprise, and he stared at me as if I had slapped him.

I was as surprised as he was, maybe more. I had snapped at Edward! I knew that as a newborn my emotions would run wild and that I couldn't be trusted near humans – not even my own parents – because I might suddenly loose control and kill them. But snap at Edward? Impossible. Worried that I might be loosing control, I took a half step back from Jacob and clasped my hands firmly behind my back. My eyes darted back and forth, pleading with Jacob, contrite with Edward.

Jacob sighed. "I'm... I mean, I trust you, Bells. You know I do. But the blood – the vampires know better than I do what to expect here. Maybe..."

My heart sank before Jacob's voice suddenly changed. "No. Edward, you're being ridiculous. I understand what you're going through – believe me. But if Bella says she's safe, she's safe. She wouldn't say it if she didn't know it."

"But do hold your breath, Bells," he said. "There's no need to rush things."

Jacob closed the gap between us in one long graceful step. I saw Renesmee move towards me as if in slow motion, her eyes beaming in pleasure and curiosity. At the same time, Edward also moved up to us, not coming between us, but getting very close. That almost brought another angry reaction from me, but Jacob whispered, "Let him, Bells. If she phases, he'll know before we do."

I couldn't argue with that logic, so I swallowed my irritation and pressed my shoulder against Edward affectionately. That might not sound like a very logical reaction, irritated with him as I was. But I was never very logical when it came to Edward. And really, what else could I do? My hands were too busy to strangle him, after all. And he meant well.

Edward pressed back for the barest fraction of a second, then assumed a pose like a waiter at a very expensive restaurant – attentive but unobtrusive. It was very awkward, but I tried to ignore it.

Seeing our brief display of affection made Renesmee even happier than before.

Wonderful. Just great. I resolved to have a talk with Edward later. For now, I stuck with my set course. I buried my face in my arm for a quick breath. Good grief – even my armpit smelled like perfume. Poor Jacob; I remembered what he said about a vampire's scent: "Too sweet. Blech!" I hoped he could get used to it. I shook my head clear of distractions, as Jacob passed Renesmee to me. He shifted around to lay his hand on my shoulder supportively, but also ready, just in case. I was grateful for both the support and the caution.

I tried to hold Renesmee the way I would hold a normal infant, limited as my experience there was. I'm sure I had held one or two in my human existence, or at least I'd seen it done. But she would have none of that. She sat up alertly and twisted about to examine my face with her eyes and hands. Her behavior was less like an infant's and more like that of an older baby or even a toddler, and she was physically even stronger than that. She had no problem holding her head up or maintaining her balance, and her eyes were focused and alert.

I worried how I might react if she stuck her finger up my nose or something. I've seen babies do things like that, so I shifted tactics and brought her into an embrace of the kind I saw Quil give Claire a few days earlier – minus the toss into the air. I didn't know if Renesmee was ready for that, and I didn't know how high she would fly if I did it! One thing I had learned on my hunting trip was that I did not yet know my own strength. So I carefully hugged her, and she hugged me back. Both of us buried our faces in the hollow of the other's neck. Jake's hand tensed a little on my neck, but he didn't say or otherwise do anything. And I was very careful not to breathe, just in case she suddenly shifted to something more appetizing than werewolf.

I heard a short gasp, but Alice said, "It's alright Rose."

"Remarkable," said Carlisle, "I don't think I've ever seen such control in a newborn."

"I can tell you I haven't," said Jasper. "And I've seen a lot of newborns. It's like she's not even really a vampire. She should be repulsed by the smell of werewolf, but still hungry. Instead it's just the opposite!"

I didn't think Jasper was exactly right. Despite holding my breath, a little of Carlie's scent did get into my nostrils, and it did not repulse me. And it did make me hungry. It was a bit like a strong cheese – pungent, while at the same time appetizing. And it was also like a strong onion or pepper – appetizing, while at the same time painful! But I was ignoring all thoughts of hunger and pain, so I was able to calmly analyze her scent. That mental analysis seemed to help keep the scent from having too much physical effect on me.

It was not her scent, but her presence that really affected me, beyond all hope of reason or analysis. It would not have mattered whether her scent was the most delicious or the most repulsive thing on Earth; the only things I felt or even could feel at that moment were joy, bliss, contentment, love – and fear.

We only hugged like that for forty six point five seconds, but when I looked up everyone was gone, everyone except Jacob and Edward. The others had apparently decided to give us a little privacy. Much as I loved him, I'm not sure if Edward even understood the concept. I sighed. I supposed it was time to get Renesmee to bed. I looked to Jacob for guidance. He still knew her much better than I did.

Jake shook his head like he was trying to shake out some cobwebs, reminding me that I needed to be considerate of his and Renesmee's physical needs and limitations. When was the last time he slept?

"Do you have to act like a dog all the time, Jacob?" I teased.

"Jacob is shaking his head to try to keep me out of it," said Edward.

"Do you mind?" Jacob snapped.

"Sorry. It does work a little. But only in that it keeps you from thinking clearly."

Jacob sighed in exasperation. "Bells," he said, "why don't you let Edward take her, while you and I have a little talk. I'm really going to crash in a few minutes."

I started to object, but then I noticed that Renesmee had already fallen asleep. And that she was Claire again? That was strange. I was glad I noticed it before I took a breath.

Jake saw who I was holding and said, "Good, about time she got some sleep. We've been encouraging her to imitate Claire when she wants to sleep. She can't sleep at all as Nessie, and the tiniest noise wakes Carlie up. I was the same way. I hardly got any sleep at all the first few weeks after I became a werewolf. So it's lucky she can turn into someone with less sensitive ears. Also, she doesn't age so fast if she's human."

That was interesting, and I could think of a few hundred questions it raised, but I couldn't very well ask them while I was holding my breath. Reluctantly, I handed her to Edward. He headed to the guest house, while Jacob and I went to the main house. Jake opened the door but blocked me from entering, as he poked his head in. I could tell that Quil and the Youngs were just inside.

"Guys," Jake said to our guests, "why don't you head on up to bed? I'll be up in a few minutes."

I heard the Youngs and Quil moving around the room and head up stairs. My hearing was so sharp that I could tell exactly where each of them was. It was almost as if I could see into the room. I said good night to them through the crack in the door, but Jake wouldn't let me in until they were all upstairs.

"Wow. How warm and welcoming," I said sarcastically.

"Come on, Bells," Jake pleaded. "I'm too tired for proper greetings. And don't you want Alice and Jasper close by, the first time you're with regular folks?"

I nodded grudgingly. I had to agree, that did sound like a good idea. I remembered my reaction when Renesmee had phased into my former self. Would I have been able to restrain myself, if she had not been my own daughter? And even if I could, curling myself into a ball on the floor wouldn't make the best first impression. Alice would be a huge help with the Youngs. She could see their futures fairly clearly, and mine very clearly, especially if we didn't have all these werewolves around.

The smell of human was strong in the house, but it was largely masked or at least diluted by the smell of werewolf and vampire. And while it did affect me, it was nothing compared to the smell Renesmee had presented me with earlier. I took a few cautious breaths before I relaxed and gave Jake the thumbs-up sign. I could handle this. He nodded approvingly, and led me into the study. Looking like a thief or someone who was up to something, he closed the door securely before he spoke.

"I hate it that he's in my head all the time!" he griped. "I'm really looking forward to you being able to do something about that. Well anyway, at least he'll be distracted for a while, trying to watch Nessie's dreams. You know, she's like your dad; he can read her, but not easily. And he really likes watching her dream, so it's a good way to distract him."

Another interesting tidbit to file away for future questions.

"You shouldn't get your hopes up about me being able to do anything about it, Jake," I said. "That was just a theory of Eleazar's. He said he couldn't tell for sure what I could do, or if I could even do anything."

Jake shook his head. "Not Eleazar – Alice. Once she heard about that possibility, she started looking for it. She sees you protecting us, during the battle with the Volturi. She couldn't see that, if it wasn't possible. You have to have the ability, or else she couldn't see you using it."

I was more and more impressed with Alice's ability. And that did not cheer me. I tried valiantly not to think about Edward right then, but it was a lost cause. "What has Alice seen, Jake?" I asked tearfully. "Why does everyone think that Edward is going to die?"

Jacob slumped and let out a sigh. "Because there is no other way," he whispered.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before he continued. "I don't know all that much myself. Alice and Edward are being pretty tight lipped. But there's something that Edward has to do. I think it's some kind of suicide mission. If he does it, we have a good chance. If he doesn't, we all die."

If my eyes didn't already look like flames, they would have at Jacob's words.

"Don't give them a hard time, Bells," Jacob warned me. "Especially Alice. You know, I don't read minds, but I do read faces. Alice must have played out the battle in her head a hundred times – several hundred – looking for some other way. She's pushed herself as far as she can. In her way, she loves him as much as you do. You know that, don't you?"

I started at that, and tears began to stream down my face. "Jake, I..."

"I know. It's okay, Bells," he said softly, drawing me into a hug. "That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about." He paused uncertainly before he went on. "I know you love me – still love me, even now that you're a vampire. But I'll understand if we're not really compatible anymore. I wanted... I want to marry you, Bells. But I understand if that's not meant to be. And you talk in your sleep."

"Jacob!" I started to punch him in the arm, but I caught myself. "I was delirious, you idiot! I had a fever of like, a hundred and forty." I pulled away to face him, and took his hands in mine. "You are my choice, Jacob. I love you both. But you are the one. Don't you know that in my heart we're already married?"

"Thank you, Bella," he said. "You have no idea how much that means to me. But, you know... a marriage, it has to be a union of equals. And I'm not sure if you can see me that way anymore. I'm nowhere near as strong or as smart as you are. And I don't know if I can... satisfy you. And I know that you still love him as much as you love me; you've made that clear enough. He probably only has a couple of months. And... maybe, you should spend them with him."

"Jacob," I managed to say through the lump in my throat. "First, I do respect you and consider you my equal. No, you're not as strong as I am, but right now no one is, not even Emmett. I don't plan to lord it over anyone, especially not you. And, as for smarter: Vampires think a lot faster and more precisely than humans, and our memory is almost perfect. It's kind of like having a computer in our heads. But we don't have better ideas than humans or a deeper understanding of things. Do you think Edward would have fallen in love with me, in the first place, if he thought I was an idiot?"

"And Jacob, have you forgotten that Renesmee has imprinted on him? Do you think I'd ever try to steal my daughter's imprint?"

Jake shook his head. "It isn't like that, Bells. An imprinted werewolf becomes exactly what her imprint needs. For Edward, that's... a daughter. That's why there's a Nessie. She literally formed herself into the daughter he wanted. The daughter you and he might have had – if vampires could have children. As far as she's concerned, she's his daughter, as much as she is yours or mine. She has two dads, just like her mother. I'm no more thrilled about it than you are, believe me, but that's the way it is. And if he's with you, if she's his step daughter, that's the way it'll always be – she'll always be. But if he's all alone, and lonely... An imprinted werewolf will become whatever her imprint needs. Call me provincial, but as her real father, I don't much like where that thought leads me."

"No. I don't either," I agreed. "But I thought you freaky werewolves saw things differently. How are they any different from Quil and Claire? Because she's your daughter – or because he's a vampire."

"It's completely different," said Jake emphatically. "Quil's guided by Claire, not the other way around. And she doesn't think of him as her father – not exactly, anyway – more like a mixture of father, big brother, best buddy and teddy bear. Oh, and since she saw him phase at the council meeting, toss in puppy, guard dog and horsey. And her feelings for him will change, gradually and naturally, as she gets older. And he'll move easily into those new roles."

"Besides, Sam gave Quil some Alpha commands to help him say 'no' to her in a few years. You know, when she starts thinking she's ready for romance, but isn't really. On the other hand, there's even a chance that she never will think of him romantically, and she'll some day fall in love with someone else. We all hope that that doesn't happen, because Quil could never love anyone else. But it is possible, and if it does happen, he won't be jealous or upset about it – but he will be lonely."

"And Renesmee?" I asked. "If Edward's with – someone else, could she ever move on? Fall in love with someone else?"

"Move on?" said Jake. "No. She'll always be imprinted on him. But fall in love with someone else – yes. Because her role is completely different than Quil's. She's Edward's daughter. Emotionally, I mean. And if you two got married, then in every way that matters. And even the most devoted daughters move out of the house eventually. They get married, and give you grandchildren. Edward won't be any more upset about that, than you or I will be. He'll be happy for her and happy that she's giving him grandchildren. And his happiness will only add to her own."

"But if he's alone, and lonely, it'll be a very different story."

He didn't elaborate. He didn't have to. A werewolf could never be happy if her imprint was not.

"And there's another thing, Bella," he added. "I don't think Renesmee or I are immortal. Not the way you and Edward are."

"What?!" I asked in shock. "But you said werewolves only aged if they wanted to. If you're with me... why would you ever want to?"

"Because I'm a mortal, Bells," Jake said simply. "I don't know for sure, but I have a strong feeling that after a hundred years or so, I'll start feeling my age."

I started to say something, even though I didn't know what to say. This was all so overwhelming. But Jake held up a finger, and I let him go on. "While you were... changing, there were times when you were too far gone for me to do any good. Basically comatose. Then Alice would come and get me, and I'd take a break and chat with the blood suckers. Did you know that Irina can remember every minute she's experienced for the last thousand years?"

"You used to say I had a good memory, Bells. But I can't even remember what I had to eat three days ago. A hundred years from now, I'll barely remember this year. Look, I'll push myself to stay young for you for as long as I can, but I can't make any promises about how long that'll be. And I especially worry about Renesmee. If Edward's all alone, she'll never let herself get old – no matter how much she needs to. And... Edward's probably only got a couple of months anyway. But that's just one more reason to feel bad about keeping you from him, if he's the one you're supposed to be with." There was an awkward silence. Jacob looked embarrassed, and I didn't know what to say.

"I love you, Bella," he said at last. "I want you. The thought of losing you to him is one of the most painful things I can imagine. But things are different now. It's like, now that I've... won you, I have to think about what's best for you – and for Renesmee. Look, I know I've given you a lot to think about. And right now, I'm just barely keeping my eyes open. So, just think about it tonight. I'm going to go get Renesmee from Edward and take her on up to bed. Uh, we promised Quil and the Youngs, no vampires will go upstairs. Sorry." He gave me a quick kiss before leading me out to find Edward.

We met Edward in the hallway just outside the study. "Well, speak of the Devil," said Jake.

Edward rolled his eyes and wordlessly handed a sleeping Renesmee to Jacob.


	17. Catching Up

**17. Catching Up**

Edward resisted my best efforts to get him to talk about the 'suicide mission' he and Alice had cooked up. It was infuriating. But he just said, "Now is not the time, Bella. The more people who know, the more likely it is to fail."

"Good!" I said harshly. "Find a better plan."

"We will, Bella," he said seriously. But something told me his heart wasn't in it. He'd have to work harder to lie to me, now that my senses were as sharp as his were. "We'll come up with a better plan. I'm sure of it. So there's no reason to even talk about it."

"I need to talk about it, so I know what to avoid," I countered.

"It's nothing you would even consider," he replied. "And knowing about it might keep you from thinking of something better. Alice and I both know about it, and now we can't think of anything else. We need to keep your perspective fresh. So just put that out of your mind, and try to come up with something of your own." I frowned at his outmaneuvering me. But he had deftly left me with nothing to fight against. He led us outside to talk with the rest of the family and get me caught up on things I had missed.

It seemed odd at first to be having this kind of family meeting outside, instead of inside, 3in the parlor or the dining room. But really, vampires had very little need for houses. We didn't get cold. We didn't mind the wet; even heavy raindrops felt to us about like light puffs of air would to a human. Insects didn't bite us. We didn't get tired, so we didn't need a place to sit or lie down. And if we did want to lie down, even hard rocks were not uncomfortable to us. Also we could see in the dark. So why not have the meeting outside?

It was habit, mostly, that had the Cullens conducting most of their serious discussions inside – that, and a desire for 'normalcy,' which seemed to influence the Cullens more strongly than it did most vampires. It was related to their, now our, desire to maintain ties to our lost humanity. Plus, they used to have weak, frail, cold-and-wet sensitive Bella to consider. The only real reason for keeping our meetings inside now was for secrecy. And the only people we might need to worry about there were Quil and the Youngs – who were in the house. We would know if any other outsiders got within a mile of us.

We wouldn't be discussing any secrets tonight anyway, at least none that we would mind Quil hearing if he happened to wake up. And, if we were inside, we might have woken the humans, especially if the discussion grew animated. And it almost certainly would have woken Quil; his hearing was as good as a vampire's. And he might get nervous trying to sleep with fourteen vampires downstairs. We did not want Quil to get nervous. If he got nervous he might bolt. And Quil was important.

So we stood, and a few of us sat, in the Cullens' large courtyard – surrounded by statuary and hedges, three fountains and a small koi pond. It rained on us lightly, as we discussed recent events. We didn't even bother to gather closely together, except for me, Edward, Alice, Esme and Carlisle. The four of them stood close to me for my comfort, and to give me a sense of the familiar. Their concern wasn't really necessary. I felt very comfortable as a vampire, maybe because I had spent such a long time feeling like an outsider among all my supernatural friends. I finally felt like I belonged. I wished I could have a little more time to enjoy that, to just relax and get to know the new me. But I had a lot to catch up on. A lot had happened while I was burning.

The most important thing was that the plan to move to La Push was on hold, indefinitely. The fight at the council meeting spooked the Quileute pretty badly. It had brought all their mistrust and fear of vampires back to the surface. And Sam was afraid that he and the other werewolves would not be able to control themselves with so many vampires around, so many opportunities for accidents and confrontations.

"The Pack was really shaken by what they thought was an attack on Claire," Edward explained. "It was all Sam could do to control himself, much less the rest of the Pack. If Jacob had not acted so quickly to restore calm... And even then if Renesmee had not arrived when she did – that fight might have turned into a bloodbath."

"That explains Quil's reaction," I said. "But Sam's? Seth's? I was really surprised that Seth lost it that way."

"You should understand: the entire Pack is extremely protective of Claire, much like we are of Renesmee. But it goes even beyond that. The pack is simultaneously a group of individuals and a single entity itself. A hive of bees is probably the closest mundane analog. So, when Quil imprinted on Claire, in a way, the entire pack did."

"Jake never told me anything like that," I said in surprise.

Edward just shrugged, but Rosalie couldn't resist interjecting: "He didn't tell you because it's freaky."

I ignored her. Or I tried to – It was a little bit freaky.

"So you're telling me that the entire pack is, at the same time, imprinted on Emily, Claire and Kim?"

"It's not as strange as you're making it sound, Bella," offered Carlisle. "I don't know if you ever fully realized how strongly Edward's bond with you affected the rest of us. But, through Edward, we all, almost immediately, thought of you as family. Analogies are never perfect, but it sounds to me as though you could think of Emily as their Esme, Claire as their Renesmee, and Kim as their... Bella."

I couldn't help take a quick look at Rosalie when he said that. She was standing next to Emmett in the far corner of the courtyard, beside a hedge that was interlaced with roses. She had a slightly guilty, but still defiant, look on her face. She and I had not bonded so quickly. But I think that even there, what Carlisle said had some truth to it. Rosalie had thought of me as a sister, of sorts, just not a very close one. But we had grown a lot closer over the past week or so.

"Yes," Edward agreed, "that is a pretty good analogy. But the imprint and mind link do make such bonds, if not stronger than our bonds of love and family, at least more instinctive and fundamental to their natures. If one of the imprints is in danger, no pack member has any choice but to protect her, especially when they are in wolf form – and that goes double for Claire, because the paternal instinct kicks in there as well. It is a tribute to both Jacob's self control and his fondness for Alice that he was able to refrain from killing her, when he thought she was attacking Claire, much less that he could actually protect her from Quil."

Jasper growled, low and menacingly. Jasper wasn't imprinted on Alice, but that was a distinction with hardly any difference. I just hoped he wasn't still holding a grudge against Quil.

"I didn't even know he felt that way," said Alice to herself.

To the rest of us, she added, "We developed a certain camaraderie protecting Bella together, but I didn't think that we could really call it friendship. I thought the vampire-werewolf mutual antipathy was a bit too high a hurdle for him to jump. Besides, I'm strictly Team Edward. Even now, I'm more than half hoping that Bella will come to her senses and realize that my big brother is the best catch out there – who isn't already taken, that is." She gave Jasper a quick peck on the cheek. "But I guess he really is taken, now that Renesmee has imprinted on him, though I have a hard time seeing it that way."

So did I. But I did not mention that. Nor did I mention what Jake had said to me earlier. I needed some time alone to sort through it all before I felt comfortable talking to anyone else about it, if I ever would. I was glad that my body didn't betray my inner turmoil quite like it used to.

"Oh well," Alice said with a sigh. "It's not the wedding I was planning to be planning for you, but I can adapt."

I couldn't help but cringe.

"Wait a moment," said Garrett. "I am beginning to understand the affection, loyalty and even the respect you all have for the werewolves and humans – or at least for the werewolves, who are practically our equals. But Bella, you can't seriously still be planning to marry the boy, now that you're a vampire, can you?"

"The man," I corrected him coldly. "He deserves that respect, at least. Jacob is only a few months out of boyhood. But they've been very long months."

Garrett nodded. "I apologize," he said. "I did not mean to give offense. But his youth isn't really the issue. How could you possibly still be compatible? My adopted coven has sworn oath to him, and I honor that. But I still have a hard time being in his presence. I'm sorry, but I do!"

A quick look around told me that everyone there, if they did not have the same struggle, at least knew what he meant.

"Well," I said calmly, "I guess that's because you're not in love with him."

The Denali looked shocked at that. After a long pause, almost a full second, Tanya spoke. "I don't think any of us really believed it would survive the transformation. It's rare, Bella. Very, very rare. And unfortunately, it's even rarer for a vampire, especially a newborn, to be able to resist killing the human she loves. In fact, as far as I know, Edward went longer, without killing, turning, or leaving you, than any vampire who was in love with a human ever has."

We all got very quiet. It took me a while to absorb that bit of information, though I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. "Am I being reckless – and selfish? Am I putting them both in danger?" I asked. I didn't direct the question at anyone in particular. But it was Esme who answered.

"I doubt you will have any problem controlling yourself with Renesmee, dear," she said. "Your maternal instincts are obviously stronger than your hunger. After what we saw today, there can't be any doubt about that. And we'll all be here to help; every one of us is completely smitten with her, you know. And we all know to hold our breaths and leave the room if we start to feel... uncomfortable. No. Renesmee is completely safe. But we are a little worried about Jacob. It helps that his blood is not as appealing as a human's, but he does still smell like prey – when he's not in wolf form. And it will be hard for you to be as careful with him as you need to be. Your instincts and memories will both be working against you. Your instincts will be screaming: feed, fight, or flight. And your memories will be telling you that he's much too strong for you to hurt. You need to be very careful, Bella. And very certain."

"But," said Edward, "he's nowhere near as fragile as a human, or as – appetizing."

"And Bella is not a centenarian, like you are," Esme reminded him. "She's not even one day old. And until the newborn vigor wears off, she's almost as much stronger than Jacob as you or I are stronger than a human."

I thought about what she said for a few tenths of a second, which was a long time for a vampire, but I still needed to think about it a lot more later. Then I remembered something Edward said earlier.

"So," I mused, looking at Edward, "this vicarious imprinting thing – does that mean that Jacob is, at least a little bit, imprinted on you?"

Everyone was shocked by that question, and all eyes turned to a suddenly very embarrassed Edward.

"I don't think so," he said dryly. "Renesmee has not yet joined the pack. She has never phased into a wolf, just humans and vampires and permutations thereof."

"Still..." I started.

"I think we should leave that discussion for... well, forever would not be too soon," said Edward. Everyone chuckled, but even Emmett had enough sense not to laugh out loud.

"Ahem," said Carlisle, "getting back to the other werewolves and the situation in La Push. I am still convinced that the original plan needs to go forward. We need more fighters to have any chance against the Volturi. Jacob agrees, but Sam is dead set against it. Our first priority must be to get Sam to change his mind or get the Council of Elders to overrule him. We still have Billy Black on our side, but the rest are either on the fence or against us."

"What about Quil?" I asked. "I'm surprised he's even here. Quil and Jacob are best friends, but I've never seen Quil go against Sam on anything – not since he joined the pack."

"He's here because of the Youngs," said Alice. "I convinced them to come and stay with us for a while. Jacob backed me up, and the Youngs believed me. I was very blunt. I told them that if she didn't come with us, she would die. And that is the plain and simple truth. Seeing her future is literally child's play. Every road she might take, away from us, leads straight to the Volturi."

"And Quil wasn't about to let Claire come here without him here to protect her." I said.

"No, that he was not," said Alice.

"But he won't get close to Alice again," said Jasper menacingly.

I wanted to argue with him. Quil is such a nice guy. But I knew it would be futile. Vampires and werewolves were both slaves to their passions. Some, like Carlisle, Jacob and Edward, were pretty good at controlling it. Others, like Jasper and Paul... not so much. We would have to be careful to always keep someone between Jasper and Quil, and Quil and Alice, and Alice and Claire... This was the heart of the problem with my plan to have us move to La Push. And I began to understand why we had promised that no vampires would go upstairs at night.

"You know," I said to Alice. "I'm a little surprised that Jacob trusted you so readily. We've all given him reason to doubt us, even me."

Alice nodded thoughtfully. It obviously surprised her too. But Edward offered an explanation. "Alice was telling the truth, and perhaps Jacob sensed that. And he trusts you, Bella. Now that you are a vampire, he has no choice but to see us differently than he used to. And he's also desperate to save his people." He didn't need to elaborate further. Alice had told Jacob the truth, but he probably would have believed her anyway. He wanted to believe her.

The situation in La Push was by far the most important matter in front of us, but it wasn't the most pressing. There really wasn't much we could decide there without Jacob's input. So we changed subjects, and my family filled me in on the other things that had happened while I was unconscious.

Renee and Phil had arrived late Sunday afternoon, only to discover that the 'babies' and I had been quarantined at the Cullen's. They were told that Nessie, Carlie and I had some rare disease; but Carlisle had not told them what it was. Renee and Phil had spent one night at Charlie's, but then Carlisle put them up at the lodge. He had them all meet him at his office on Monday and gave them a spiel about patient confidentiality: I had given strict instructions for him not to tell anyone what the children and I had. And since I was unconscious, he couldn't ask me if it was okay to tell my parents. My human parents were, of course, suspicious. Practically frantic is more like it. It was lucky that I had signed a ream of papers giving Carlisle total authority to make all my medical decisions, with Charlie sitting right next to us. (Well, it was more than just luck; Carlisle was preparing for different contingencies when he had me sign those papers.) Even then, we were at best a day or two away from a court order demanding that Carlisle let them see me.

When things settled down a bit, Carlisle planned to have them come to his office again and leave a few brochures lying around describing various diseases that would partly explain Nessie and my 'symptoms'. One of them is known as 'pretty leprosy'. It tends to smooth out a person's features. And another is vitiligo, which can cause a complete loss of brown pigment in the skin. Carlisle is one of the world's foremost authorities on both diseases. He had several lifetimes to prepare for situations – not exactly like this one, but close. But it was still a cover story he preferred not to use, unless absolutely necessary. For one thing, he didn't like to lie. For another, if he tried to convince them of such an outlandish story, they would only be more suspicious. Instead, he would just leave the brochures in his office, and make Charlie and Renee wait for a while. Then he would talk to them in general terms about my and Nessie's illness and plead patient confidentiality if they pressed for specifics.

In her Carlie form, at least we wouldn't have to explain Renesmee's appearance – other than her astonishingly rapid growth.

I was especially curious to learn more about my daughter. And I don't just mean about her rapid growth or shape-shifting abilities. The growth worried me, and the shape shifting was amazing, but what I really wanted to know was what was she _like_. But other than letting me know how much they were all taken with her, everyone was pretty cagey about that.

"Anything we tell you is just robbing you of the joy of learning it for yourself," explained Esme.

But they did give me some technical details. The most important thing was her aging. She did not seem to age at all in her Nessie form, but Carlie aged about 20 times faster than a normal human! That was about what Jake did, for a few months, after he first became a werewolf, so it wasn't quite as scary as it might have been. Presumably, she would stop once she reached full adulthood, the same way he had. I wasn't happy about it, of course. I wanted her to be my little girl for more than a year! And we could only assume that she would stop, we couldn't know for sure. And even though Jake had not simply aged, he had matured, I found it hard to believe she could possibly pack twenty years of maturity into one.

The rest of the family was way ahead of me there, so they had encouraged her to be Nessie as much as she could, during the day, and to transform herself into Claire's twin to sleep. She seemed to age less quickly as a 'pure' human than she did in her natural form. That effectively slowed her aging down to about seven to one. I hoped we could come up with something better though. Three years were still way too few.

Another important point about her physiology was that she could not really turn into a vampire. She could only mimic one. "When mimicking a vampire," Carlisle explained, "her heartbeat slows but does not stop, and her body cools but does not grow cold. And she's nowhere near as strong, nor presumably as invulnerable as we are. Phased into Emmett, she's still not even as strong as Jacob – though she is much stronger that in her Carlie form, just as Jacob is stronger phased into a wolf than he is in human form. Conversely, when she imitates a true human, she's no stronger than the human she's mimicking."

And she smelled like heaven. I almost growled thinking about her being so weak and vulnerable, and also so tempting to all the vampires around. But I held it in. No one here would harm her. They were all being extra careful, especially Jasper. I was the only danger. And I would be very, very careful.

I was curious about something else, but it was so awkward that I was embarrassed to even ask Carlisle, much less let the others overhear. But my curiosity eventually won out over my embarrassment. "What about when she phases into... a man?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded. "The change goes all the way to the cellular level. I see no reason that she could not, if she wanted to, one day father children."

I had more than half expected his answer. The smell was a strong indication. When she was imitating Edward, she had smelled exactly like Edward. But it was still shocking to hear. And Carlisle was so clinical about it, he might as well have been talking about the color of her hair. But Carlisle was like that. He was passionate about science. And, though he tried to be considerate of other people's sensitivities, we were all vampires here. The thought just would not occur to him that maybe he should talk to me and Jacob alone about this.

"Does that mean that Nessie is both a boy and a girl?" Asked Emmett.

The question did not seem to be directed to anyone in particular, but Rosalie answered, "No. Nessie is always a girl. Renesmee is a girl who can change into a boy, just like Jacob is a man who can change into a wolf. But if Renesmee does change into a boy, he won't be Nessie. He'll be Nestor, or Carl or something."

"But we can still do guy stuff together, right?" asked Emmett. "Like I can teach him how to write his name in the snow?"

The sound of Rosalie's hand hitting the back of his head broke the silence of the night like a truck tire blowing, but Emmett didn't even say, 'Ouch.' I chuckled. Emmett's levity did help to put things into perspective. Renesmee was different, but there was nothing wrong with her. And, if she did decide to be a boy part of the time, she would not face the same difficulties, stigmas or disadvantages that a transgendered human child faces. My own cultural preconceptions were the only problem, if there even was a problem. And I would get over that. For now, I decided to put it out of my mind and concentrate on things that really were a problem.

"If it's only her Carlie form that ages so fast," I asked, "why not let her always be either Nessie or Claire? Or, maybe not Claire; we should find some other human baby for her to imitate, to avoid confusion."

"Bella," said Edward, "when she changes, it isn't just her physical appearance. Her brain changes as well. Carlie is her true self. But if she was always in some other body, that self would just... fade away. And she's happy to imitate Claire because she likes Claire. She would not want to become some random human child."

"What about Nessie?" I asked.

"Nessie is her alter ego, just as Jacob's wolf form is his. But if Jacob stayed a wolf all the time, eventually, he wouldn't be Jacob any more. The same would happen to Renesmee. And it would happen much more quickly because she has so little experience being herself to begin with."

"You have a similar situation, you know," said Esme. "Vampire Bella is very different from human Bella, and if you do not want to lose her, you'll need to visit human Bella often in your memories."

I frowned. It was hard to get my head around this. But I understood that I did not want Carlie to be lost. I had only met her once, but already I loved her with all my heart. If Renesmee was always either Nessie or some human she was imitating, and never her true self, I would be sad.

And I knew that Esme was also right about me. I did not want to lose... me. Bella Swan, human Bella, was weak and slow and clumsy, but there was something about her that had won the hearts of the two most amazing men I had ever met. I didn't know exactly what that was, but I sure didn't want to lose it. Soon, very soon, I would have to take some time to reconnect with my human self.


	18. An Everfixed Mark

**18. An Ever-fixed Mark**

_Love is not love_

_which alters when it alteration finds,_

_or bends with the remover to remove._

_O no! it is an ever-fixed mark_

_that looks on tempests and is never shaken._

-William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116: vs. 3 - 7

Vampires talk fast when there are no humans around. It didn't take long for me to catch up on recent events. It was a lot to absorb, but with my new, nearly-perfect memory, I could do that at my leisure. It was just twelve minutes after two in the morning when some unspoken signal seemed to pass between the other vampires, telling them that I had all I could deal with for now – or maybe that there were other things I needed to be dealing with. Soon the others started heading off to their own pursuits until only Edward and I were left.

This was the first time we had been alone together since my transformation, and I found myself strangely uncomfortable – and with a new sympathy for my guy friends. The way they often acted around beautiful girls, and sometimes even around me, had always seemed so stupid to me before. But if Mike Newton had found himself standing next to Rosalie – Rosalie in her skimpiest bikini and sexiest demeanor – I don't know if he would have had any more difficulty keeping his composure than I was having. Edward was just so, incredibly, gorgeous. He had always been beautiful, incredibly so, but my new senses allowed – no, forced – me to appreciate it on a whole new level.

Jasper had told Jacob that vampires were even more beautiful to each other than they were to humans. Of course Jasper told Jacob; he was convinced that I would leave Jacob as soon as I became a vampire. I imagine he thought it was a kindness, to prepare Jacob for the worst. No one had thought to tell me. They left it to Jacob to warn me. Yes, I had been warned – but not prepared. How could I be? Nothing could have possibly prepared me for _that_.

So, avoiding his sultry gaze, I looked around the garden and took in all the intricate details that my new senses allowed me to appreciate: the myriad scents, the two new colors, the microscopic details. Even in the dim starlight, I could make out individual cells in the flowers around me. Another time, I might have lost myself it its beauty; but my eyes kept drifting back to Edward, as if drawn by a powerful magnet.

But Edward's beauty, distracting as it was, was not the reason I was uncomfortable – not the biggest reason anyway. For the first time since Edward had returned to Forks, things were uncertain between us. I thought that I had made my final decision weeks ago, choosing Jacob over Edward. But now, even Jacob had serious doubts whether we could still be together. Could we really be compatible, different as we now were? And, playing devil's advocate, he even made some pretty good arguments for why Renesmee and I might be better off if I was with Edward. Did Jacob really say that? He really must believe that Edward was going to die. Either that, or I really had changed too much for him to still love me.

Both thoughts brought lumps to my throat. I absolutely did not want to let my emotions get the better of me, standing alone with Edward in the Cullen's garden, one of the most romantic places I have ever been. Fortunately, there was one thing capable of pulling my attention away from Edward, even here – Renesmee.

Jacob's reasoning toward Edward and Renesmee did make a certain, weird sense. Our infant daughter had no choice but to love a man a hundred years her senior, but we did have a choice about what form that love took. There are many kinds of love. Maybe it would be best if Edward was her step father. Children love their mothers and fathers; there would be nothing strange about that. That would be normal, wouldn't it? More age-appropriate?

Enough putting it off. I needed to face my feelings. I needed to face Edward. I decided to study him analytically, the way that I had the garden, down to the most minute detail. Finally, I faced him head on.

Big mistake.

I have seen beauty before, beauty so stunning it took my breath away: The Grand Canyon at sunset, Jacob at the spring, Edward in sunshine, Renesmee. But this was different. Nothing had prepared me for this. I froze like a dear caught in headlights. I did not gasp. My heart stayed still, unbeating. I did not blush. My new body would not betray me with such obvious, human weaknesses. But inside... inside I was lost. I wasn't just looking at the Grand Canyon – or at a canyon a thousand times more beautiful. I was falling into it. And the fall seemed to go on forever. I felt myself disconnected from the world around me. Was this what it was like to imprint? I thought it must be.

And that's when it hit me: I was still in love with Edward Cullen, madly and passionately.

Oh, I had never been under any illusion that I would ever stop loving him. But I had thought that my passion would cool, that it would morph into something more comfortable and familiar. I thought that it already had. For almost a month, I had lived with the Cullens, and Edward and I had been, mostly, platonic. I loved him, of course, the same way that I loved the rest of his family – if a bit more. And those fantasies I had, while I was in the throws of delirium, they had been just that: fantasies born of delirium.

This was different. This was delirium born of reality. I was deliriously in love with Edward. And now that I was a vampire, my senses were all sharpened, heightened. Everything was magnified, including my emotions.

"Edward, I..." My voice broke as I realized that I couldn't say what needed to be said. Not just yet. Fear gripped my throat. I had to get away. I had to think. I couldn't handle this, not on my own. I needed guidance. I needed wisdom. I needed... my best friend. "I... I need to see Jacob." I said in a rush.

The look of pain on his face made my dead heart ache in a way that I had thought it never could again. I was glad that it didn't need to beat, because I that look on his face would have stopped it.

"Please, Edward," I pleaded, "don't be hurt. But there are things... I can't talk to you until I see him again. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair."

"I... understand?" he said uncertainly.

"No. You don't," I insisted. "But you will. Now, be a good boy and..." I stopped myself and backed up.

"Sorry," I said. "I have no right to talk to you that way. You're not my boyfriend. And I know I can't treat you like one whenever it's convenient. But please try to give me and Jake some privacy for just one more hour. I'll meet you back here at five fifty seven, sharp. There are things that need to be said. Things that I need to say to you. But not until after I see Jake."

Edward had an expression that looked out of place on his usually certain face. But he did not ask me any questions. Wordlessly, he headed back over to the guest house. I didn't like jerking him around like this. But I absolutely had to see Jacob. My love for Edward burned a hundred times hotter than it had when I was human – but so did my love for Jacob.

Somehow, I had to come to grips with that.

I went around to the side of the house and picked up a pebble. I was going to toss it up to a second-story window, but I was unsure how hard to throw it; I still didn't know my own strength. Experimentally, I tossed the pebble into the trees. It broke through several twigs and left a trail of falling leaves behind it, as it continued it's upward arch. It reached it's apogee at one hundred and seventy five yards, and I calculated that it would land in the woods on the other side of the river that formed the eastern border between the Cullen's yard and Olympic National Forrest. That was a good bit further than I had intended. But my second pebble went exactly where I aimed, and struck a branch with just enough force to make a sound. I thought that would be loud enough to wake a sleeping werewolf.

I knew I could duplicate that throw perfectly, now that I had done it once. My new muscles, memory and reflexes were good at things like that. So, in quick succession, I sent a half dozen pebbles pinging against the window twelve feet above me. It took only a few seconds for a sleepy-looking werewolf to come open the window and lean his head out.

"What?" asked an obviously irritated Quil. His tone was something between a groggy snap and a stage whisper.

"I need to see Jake," I whispered.

"He's two windows down. In your room," he said, without adding the implied, "Duh."

"I know that," I said. "But I need to _see_ him. I want to go to his room, but we promised you no vampires would come upstairs."

He came a little more awake at that. "You promised the Young's too," he reminded me.

"Please," I pleaded.

Quil sighed. "Renesmee's in the room with him," he said. "And she smells just like Claire. You sure it's safe?"

"If I wasn't a hundred percent sure, I wouldn't be anywhere near here."

He looked at me for a long moment before deciding that he believed me. Quil was a good friend to human Bella. He even had a little crush on me before he imprinted on Claire. I'm not sure if he quite knew what to make of vampire Bella. In resignation he asked, "I guess you need to talk to him, huh?"

"Nope," I said.

It wasn't really true. I did need to talk to Jacob. But Quil and I always bantered that way, with mild and sometimes cryptic innuendos. Okay, that wasn't very cryptic.

Quil chuckled and waved me on, as he headed back to bed.

I took my time heading upstairs, taking long seconds to get there. Was I doing the right thing? Could I do the right thing? It didn't seem possible. I didn't know what to do, much less how to do it. I had awoken to my new life in darkness and confusion; and, though I had already experienced much joy here, the confusion was still with me, and I did not see it getting better any time soon. Maybe seeing Jake would help make things clear. Yes, I felt guilty ditching Edward to rush off to see Jacob. But, dang it, I just had to. Jake and I hadn't had any alone time since... well, since our one time. I missed him. I missed the way he made me laugh, and even the way he would infuriate me. I missed making him laugh – and infuriating him. I missed the special bond we shared.

I missed my sunshine.

Was it still the middle of the night? I could scarcely believe it. My fast new brain was messing with my perception of time; this first night seemed to go on forever, and I was getting tired of the darkness. True, I could see just as well in the dark than human Bella could see in the day – better, even. But I missed my sunshine.

Quil met me in the hallway just outside of my room – now Jake's room. He looked wary.

"What's wrong?" I asked. With the soundproofing in my room, even Jake wouldn't hear us, as long as we kept our voices down.

"I suddenly realized what I was doing," said Quil. "You're my friend, Bella. And friends don't let friends get reckless—especially with the children."

"I'm not going to hurt anyone, Quil," I whispered. "I'm completely in control. And I would never – could never – hurt Renesmee."

"That's not what they told us," he objected. "They said we'd have to be really careful around you for a year or so—and keep you away from humans! Last time I saw her, Renesmee was doing a really good impression of a human girl. She looks and smells so much like Claire, even I can't tell the difference."

I might have winced just a little, remembering what Renesmee-as-Claire smelled like. The smell of human blood was like a fire in a vampire's throat, and the only thing that would quench the fire was the taste of that same blood. More than just quench, it would drown the fire in waves of pleasure, the most pleasurable experience I could possibly imagine. The Cullens had warned me, and I knew that they told me true. I was about to take a giant shot of lit butane. And I wouldn't be getting any chaser. Carrot and stick. In so many ways my new body was trying to force me to become a killer. That's what most newborn vampires did, almost all of them, no matter how nice a person they were.

But I had several advantages over most newborns. I had known what it would be like beforehand. I had readied myself for it. I had gone through the pain of transformation with a single purpose: to protect my loved ones—my tribe, my friends, my family, and specially Jake and Renesmee. They were the reason I had put myself through that agony. I had focused on them every time my mind had been clear enough to focus on anything at all. _Jake and Renesmee, I will love you. I will protect you. I will never hurt you_. Over and over I had repeated that mantra. And it had worked. I still loved them. I would protect them. I would not hurt them. Not ever.

Jake and Renesmee were my talismans, my protection from vampirism. But even there, my new body – which included a new, very smart and very devious brain – had fought me. When I first came to, I had loved Jake, but I had seen him as more like a pet, than like the man I loved. I was embarrassed to remember that now, but I forced myself to relive it, to remind myself that the vampire in me didn't want me to be... me. And I forced myself to remember and relive the pain of transformation. It had burned so much hotter than even the sweetest human scent. If I could take that, I could take anything.

I looked back at Quil, who had grown mildly alarmed by my long seconds of stillness. "I'm different, Quil," I said. "You heard them; I'm a natural at self-control."

His look said that he remembered, but he was still unsure. And I couldn't very well blame him for his caution, directed as it was at Jake and Renesmee. "Stay with me while I crack the door, okay?" I asked.

Quil nodded but moved even closer to me, ready to tackle me if I made any sudden moves. I quietly opened the door just enough to let some air out and breathed deeply of the burning incense. Jake and Carlie, Nessie and Claire, and even Bella assaulted my senses. I knew that last scent was just a leftover from the last time I—my former self—was there, but it hit me even more strongly than the others. The pain was just as bad as I remembered, but I was ready for it this time. I pushed it into a corner of my now-roomy mind. I locked it away with chains of will and blocked it off with feelings much stronger than pain could ever be. The need for blood, so much stronger than any junkie's need for heroin, I simply brushed aside. I didn't need it. I didn't want it.

I wanted Jacob. I needed my sunshine.

I looked at Quil and hoped that my expression could convey the certainty of my convictions, the absolute finality of my triumph. It couldn't. It didn't. Quil was still wary, still wouldn't let me in my room.

Then we heard a voice from downstairs. It was Alice.

"It's alright, Quil," she said, only slightly louder than we were talking, but still loud enough for us to hear from upstairs. "Edward told me where she was headed and had me look ahead. Sorry to invade your privacy, Bella, but we had to be sure. And I promise I didn't look past the first kiss."

I had to suppress a smile. Alice was lying. She couldn't see what would happen here, not with Quil and Jake and Renesmee around. A imagined that really irked her. And now she was pretending to still be able to see our futures, still planning our lives without the benefit of her special gift. I might have found it irritating, if I didn't have so many other things on my mind. I just hoped Quil didn't see through her.

"Quil, go back to bed," she ordered confidently. "Everything's fine. Oh, and Bella... Wow. You go girl!"

And then Alice was gone again; I could tell. I couldn't say how I could tell, as there was no sound of footsteps or opening or closing doors, but I could tell. Nice touch, that last bit. Good thing I couldn't blush anymore. I looked sheepishly at Quil. Who looked back at me warily for another long moment. He wasn't fooled. Finally, he shook his head and said, "Interesting wardrobe choice. But you might not want to let Jake wake up to the smell of three vampires in his room." He gave a little half grin, as he turned and went back into his—actually Edward's—room.

Wardrobe choice? Three vampires? I looked down at myself and only then realized that I was still wearing Edward and Jasper's tee shirts! They smelled strongly of Edward and Jasper. And I had been wearing them all night. I remembered some of the looks people had given me that evening in a very different context now.

Well, all I could do was laugh softly – and plot my revenge.

Quil had a point. I remembered Jake's reaction when he first caught a whiff of Alice at Charlie's. That would not be a good way to wake him. I left the shirts on the floor before I entered the room, for safety's sake – and because I wouldn't need them. "Jake," I whispered, as I walked quietly across the room. He slept very soundly, sprawled heavily on my poor bed. And he snored. Well, actually he just breathed very deeply. But it sounded a lot like snoring to my hyper-sensitive ears. Renesmee was in her crib on the other side of the bed from me. She was in Claire form when I entered the room, but the next thing I knew she was back to Carlie.

Great. She'd be five days older by the time she woke up. Well, it couldn't be helped now. But it was interesting that she went back to Carlie just then. Did she somehow sense my presence? Did she know that Carlie was my favorite form? Even though I had tried not to play favorites between Carlie and Nessie, I couldn't completely help it. Her Nessie form was more aesthetically pleasing to a vampire, but Carlie was her natural form, her truest self.

I hoped she knew that she could always be herself around me.

I thought about easing myself under the covers next to Jacob, but I worried a little about startling him awake. Did I look like a monster to him now? Like a fowl-smelling creature of crystal and stone? That wouldn't be a good thing to wake up to. I was even more worried that I would repulse him, than I was that he might be startled enough to attack me. Jake would be careful to fully assess the situation before he attacked any intruder. Jake had to be prepared for the possibility that Renesmee might change into a vampire, or at least mimic a vampire, in the middle of the night. She might even decide to get in bed with him herself. I didn't know if she could crawl or walk yet, but there was no way Jake could know for sure that she couldn't, so I was certain that he would be prepared for the possibility.

"Jake," I said again, even softer this time because Carlie's hearing was so much more sensitive than Claire's.

I lifted the covers, just enough to get under them next to him. It had been a very cool spring, and for some reason vampires stayed even colder than room temperature, so I didn't press up against him. I thought I'd be polite and try to warm up a little first. My bed had an electric heating pad, a relic of my human days. I turned it on to warm my body up before waking Jacob, but he woke up with a start at the soft click of the heater switch.

Jake's head suddenly twisted, and he looked right at me. Then his eyes darted to Renesmee and back to me. "Whaa?" he asked, too surprised to be coherent.

"Shhh," I whispered. "Don't wake her."

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

I giggled. "What does it look like?"

Jake stared in astonishment. "Why, Miss Swan, are you trying to seduce me?" A big smile brightened his face.

There. There was my sunshine. With all that had happened the past few weeks, the cloak and dagger, the duel, the war council, the world's most complicated pregnancy... it had been much, much too long since I had seen it.

"As a matter of fact," I answered sweetly. "Do you mind being seduced by Diamondhead?"

"Hey, Diamondhead is cool," he said. "It's the whole older-woman thing that's kind of creepy. I mean, now that you've been through childbirth, and gone hunting, and died and been reborn as a vampire, I think you're a few up on me. What are you now, like fifty?"

I punched him in the arm—very lightly; I had to start being careful with Jake. He paid me back by crushing his lips against mine.

He didn't have to be careful with me. And he wasn't. His skin was soft and smooth. He still felt strong to me, though I knew that I could crush him if I wasn't careful. Was that a paradox? Whatever. That's the way it felt. His muscles rippled, and his body moved in ways that were designed to stir a woman to her very core. My own reaction was further confirmation that, while I might have a vampire's body and mind, I still had a woman's soul.

I was just barely able to keep enough presence of mind to pull my lips over my razor-sharp teeth, before I gave him a nasty cut. Beyond that, I was reactive rather than proactive. I needed to let Jake take the lead. I didn't know his limits, and more importantly, I didn't know mine. I was several times stronger than him; I didn't really know how many. So I let him lead and limited my own actions to gentile caresses and to matching my movements to his. He set a very pleasant pace, so I didn't mind. We moved in ways familiar and new. Unhindered by the weak force of gravity, we seemed to float and dance together. And my new mind and senses gave me a new appreciation for the pleasure I was receiving, and giving.

"You've been holding out on me," I said.

"It was kind of necessary, at the time," He managed to answer. And it was a while before either of us said anything else.

All good things must end. And, while I might have been able to make love until I needed to hunt again, in a month or so, Jake didn't have quite that much stamina. That was okay. After all, if neither of us ever called a halt, we'd make for pretty lousy parents. After a while, Jake lifted me off him. His left hand supported me at my pelvis, balancing me perfectly just a half foot above him. And I held myself straight, so that it was almost as if I was floating. I guess both of us were showing off our strength a little. But if he had lowered me back down to him, we likely would have gotten lost in the moment again.

"So... was that good breakup sex or what?" asked Jake.

I winced. How was it that Jake could read my mind when no one else could?

"Jake, I..." I knew what I had to say, but I still didn't know how I was going to say it. "I'm in love with you. But I'm also in love with Edward. I am in love with both of you! I know it's not supposed to work that way. When I realized I was in love with you, I was supposed to realize that my love for him had waned, right? That's the way it always works in romance stories, isn't it? But it wasn't like that at all. Instead, it was like I was being whipsawed between you."

"You never were one for following conventions," he said. His right hand caressed me, while his left hand continued to support me effortlessly. His hot fingertips ran up and down my back a few times, eliciting a shiver.

"When did you first realize you were in love with me?" he asked, while his skillful fingers made sure I was too distracted to say anything but the truth.

"Not until the Cullens made me pretend that I wasn't," I said with a grimace. "Pretty dense, huh?"

"Pretty slow on the uptake," he agreed. "You didn't even know at Love Grotto?"

"That's it's name?" I asked. "But no. I knew that I loved you. I've known that since the day you said you'd help me fix my motorcycle. But I didn't know that I was head over heels _in_ love with you. I think maybe I couldn't admit that, even to myself, because it would have meant that I was... moving on."

He nodded understandingly. Moving on is hard.

"So why are you choosing him now?"

"You gave me some pretty good reasons," I reminded him.

"I was trying to do the right thing," he said with a frown. "And I sure was wrong about the incompatible part. Wow. But I know there are reasons, good reasons. I just need to know your reasons."

Needed and deserved, but I wasn't sure if I could do it. "Renesmee?" I said uncertainly. "You know she can never be happy if he's all alone. But he's her father! I mean, emotionally and mentally, she's as much his as she is yours—as she is ours."

"I know," he said. "And it's not a good situation. But you can't predict the future, Bells. Even Alice can't see that far out. She can't see Renesmee at all. And right now... she can't see anything past July."

I flinched like he had struck me.

"That's it, isn't it?" he accused. "You don't want him to spend his last two months alone."

"No. That is not it," I said tersely. "He is not going to die! Alice doesn't know everything. There are ways to beat her visions."

I turned away from him, but I felt his eyes boring into me.

"If someone changes his or her mind, her visions can change," he said in a musing voice, making the connection. I should have known he would. "Changing your decision can change the future. So you've changed your decision."

I couldn't meet his gaze, but fiercely I said, "He is not going into that battle with everything to die for, and nothing to live for."

He was quiet for a long time before he asked, "And what about me? Are you going to leave me with nothing to live for?"

I looked back into his sad, beautiful eyes. "You're human, Jacob. Vampires' feelings, like their bodies, are carved in stone. I know werewolves share some of their nature, more than you want to admit. But you're not imprinted on me. You can love someone else. You will! You might not think you can; I didn't think I could ever love again, when Edward left. But I did, and so will you."

"They don't make many like you, Bells," he said.

"I know you love me, Jake, I love you too." I said with a smile that didn't quite touch my eyes. "But you don't have to pretend you like the new look – or smell. And you could have any woman in the world."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Jake. You could date movie stars. Kirsten Dunst..."

Jake snorted. "Wayyy too old."

"So, suddenly you're sixteen again? You're at least twenty seven in wolf years. Taylor Swift?"

"She's not a movie star."

"Neither am I. How about that girl from that dumb movie we watched a few weeks ago – Zathura? I know you thought she was cute."

"She was frozen solid for the whole movie. You know I don't go for the cold ones."

"That was just a movie, Jake," I said. "She's not really cold. I am."

We were quiet for a while. The banter had dried up, but neither of us wanted the moment to end.

"So, you're dumping me," he said at last. No human can out wait a vampire.

"Actually," I said, "I'm just giving you a really, really good reason to dump me."

"Oh no. You're not putting this on me. I told you I'm not leaving, and I meant it. If you want to leave me, I can't stop you; I'll even understand, sort of. But I'll never leave you."

And he never had. With everything I had put him through, he never left. When I pretended not to want him, when I was staying at the Cullen's and refusing to see him, when I was driving him crazy with jealousy and worry, when horrific monsters were trying to kill me and almost killed him, he never left. And now I couldn't, wouldn't leave him.

Again tears came to my eyes. Why did Alice think it was hard for a vampire to cry?

"Get dressed," I said. "We're meeting Edward in four minutes."


	19. Compromise

**19. Compromise**

I had plenty of time to think while Jacob got dressed, and while we walked downstairs in silence. My new mind and body moved so fast that I had time to dress myself and ponder our complex situation, while Jacob was still putting on a tee shirt. I even had time to notice the two drawers full of Jacob's clothes packed neatly in 'my' dresser. They held a lingering scent of human – two humans, to be precise, one male and one female. The male's scent was only on the clothes, while the female's also hung in the air of the room. They were both pure human, not werewolves, but in some ways both were familiar – similar to Jacob. I guessed that they must be Billy Black and Jacob's sister, Rachel. Billy probably folded the clothes, which was normally his chore, and Rachel must have brought them here to the Cullen's. I knew she was due home from college soon, for Summer break.

I had known Rachel all my life – and her twin sister, Rebecca. We used to be pretty close. But I could not, of course, remember her scent. As a human, I had not been able to smell her, at least not well enough to know it as uniquely her. And it seemed that my human memories were fading very quickly. Maybe it just seemed that way by comparison; there was such a sharp distinction between my memories, b.v. and a.v. Or maybe my human memories were just being crowded out by so many new, more important, and more permanent ones. But from what the others had told me, I feared that if I didn't want to completely lose things like my childhood memories, I needed to take some time soon to sift through them and recommit them to my new permanent memory. I thought of it as a bit like transferring old family videos to digital.

Yes, I had plenty of time to think, but it was hard to keep my attention focused on important matters. Besides, thinking about my most pressing problem didn't seem to do any good, because that problem defied rational thought. All logic led me to the same conclusion, one that I had already reached, but that I was not satisfied with. I loved both Jacob and Edward. I loved them both so much that I shied away from any attempt to decide which one I loved more. Weighing the two of them that way seemed to cheapen them both. So I didn't. Instead, I thought I should just choose between them based on logical criteria. I treated it like a math problem: which choice will do maximal good, minimal harm? And the solution there was simple. Edward.

Choosing Edward seemed like the best thing I could do for Renesmee. Imprint or no imprint, it just wouldn't be right for her to think of him as a second father all through her formative years, then be something else completely when she got older. That thought made me shiver, and I had to force myself to calm down. The last thing I needed was to have another blow up, like the one I had when I first heard about the imprint. But like it or not, Edward had to be part of her life; I understood that much. Renesmee could never be happy if Edward was absent, or if he was unhappy – or lonely. But if he was her stepfather, they would have a normal father-daughter relationship, if only because he would never want it any other way. If he had me as his wife and her as his daughter, he would be content. No, content wouldn't begin to describe it. If we were a family, it would be... bliss. I knew, because I felt the same way.

And it would probably be better for Jacob. As much as I still loved him, as much as he obviously still loved me, I couldn't possibly be a good match for him. I was as hard as stone, as cold as ice, and to him I looked unnatural and smelled even worse. I was now much stronger than him and faster than him – at least, in his human form. I thought quicker, my memory was perfect, and my movements were nearly so. Objectively speaking, there was hardly a thing he could do that I couldn't do better and faster. I didn't look down on him; he was still my hero. But I'm sure he felt inadequate around me. And I knew enough about men's egos to know that would eventually be a problem, if it wasn't already. A man like Jacob needed to be... needed.

I did still need him, but not in the same way I used to. Wouldn't it be better to let him find a girl who was more like the old Bella Swan than I was? Someone soft and warm to snuggle up to, someone who would have more in common with him, someone who could give him more children? It wouldn't be hard; Jacob was a catch. Maybe he would imprint on someone, or maybe he'd just fall in love the old fashioned way. But either way, I was sure he wouldn't be alone for long. Edward was a completely different story. If I left him, and he continued to see Renesmee like a daughter – and I considered that a given, partly because I knew him so well, and partly because I didn't want to even consider any alternative – he might be alone forever. Vampires were just that unchanging in their feelings.

I understood that a lot better than I had three days earlier. I now knew that I would love both Jacob and Edward, if I lived to be a thousand – or longer.

And most importantly, I could not have Edward going into the upcoming battle the way things were. I knew how Alice's visions worked. They were very accurate, unless someone changed his or her mind in a significant way. I had to change something in order to change his destiny, and my choice of who to stay with seemed the only change I could make that had any chance of making a difference. If he had more to live for... maybe he would live.

So, Edward. That was the way it had to be.

So why didn't I have the guts to just tell Jacob that already? He would understand. He already did understand. He had done the math even before I did. So why were we walking down to the study together, with Jacob looking like he was about to burst if he didn't say something – and at the same time looking like he'd sooner fight Irina again than say a word.

Edward was waiting for us in the study. His eyes focused on me, but body language so subtle that I could never have seen it when I was human told me that his mind was focused on Jacob. It didn't bother me too much. I doubted he was hearing about anything he had no business hearing. Edward did not have the ability to delve into a person's memories the way Aro could, he could only hear active thoughts. And Jacob had better manners and too much respect for me to be thinking about what we were doing a few minutes ago. At least, I was pretty sure he did, and I'd be really angry if he didn't. But his mind was probably screaming with the thoughts he was biting his tongue to keep from saying. And Edward couldn't help but hear that! I doubted Jacob could read Edward's face the way I could, but I was sure he could guess. He knew better than I did what Edward was hearing.

It took me a long awkward moment to get up the nerve to say anything. It looked like Edward might be about to say something, but I cut him off. "Look," I said, "I know you both already know this, or at least I'm pretty sure you do, but just so there's no misunderstanding, I want you to know that I love both of you." They both gave little half smiles, half snorts that were so identical and timed so perfectly that it would have been comic if I wasn't so serious. I clarified, "I mean Love with a capital L. I'm madly in love with you – both. I know that's not supposed to happen, but it has. And I think, unless I'm mistaken, that you both feel the same way about me." I looked at both of them, but my gaze settled on Edward; Jake had already made his feelings plain. "Unless Renesmee's imprinting has changed that?" I asked. "Do you still feel the same towards me, Edward? And, while we're at it, mind giving me a better idea just exactly how you do feel about Renesmee?"

Edward shook his head, but not in a way that said no. "I feel...," he said hesitantly, "I feel a bit like a thief, actually. When it comes to how I feel about Renesmee, I feel almost exactly the same way Jacob does – like a proud papa, so proud I'm about to burst. But as for how that makes me feel about you? It only makes me love you even more."

He turned to Jacob and said, "I'm sorry. I know you're Renesmee's father, not me. I know those feelings should be yours and yours alone, but..."

"But she's imprinted on you," Jacob finished, "and that's the form the imprint has taken. She's become exactly what you needed, and what you needed was a daughter. You're probably shocked at how accepting I'm being. To tell the truth, I'm a little shocked myself. But I sometimes share minds with three imprinted werewolves, so I know how it is. Couple of months ago, I had to help convince George and Carol Young to accept the situation with Quil. If they hadn't, Claire would have never been nearly this happy, and Quil would've just about shriveled up and died! Your happiness isn't exactly my number one priority, but Renesmee's is, and I do owe you.

I don't know. I think if it had been you imprinting on her, I might've become the biggest hypocrite in the world. Tossed off every argument I used on the Youngs and just said, 'stay away from my daughter!' But you didn't imprint on her, she imprinted on you. And I'm not about to let Renesmee go through even one minute of what Quil went through, before the Youngs came around. And I have a pretty fair idea how it is for the imprints too: Emily and Kim and Claire. I guess that's about how it is for you. You're not Quil; you're the flip side of Claire."

Edward nodded slowly, and I wasn't sure if he was listening to more thoughts from Jacob, or just thinking more about it himself. "But," he said, "since the imprint has made me, more or less, her second father, I have an even deeper insight into how you are feeling than I otherwise would. Being a new father is making you love the mother of your child even more than you already did. It's doing the same for me, so it must be doing the same for Bella – making her even more in love with the father of her child than she already was. You and I might have been, as you said, about tied a few days ago, but now...? I don't think so. I am certain she loves you even more today than she did before. And that's saying a lot."

I snorted. "Idiot," I said. Edward's head jerked around to look at me in confusion.

"Sure, Jake gets a few extra points for being her biological father, the one who gave her to me. And he gets even more for being so understanding, in a really difficult situation. But he gets the most points just for loving her as much as I do, for being a good father to my little girl. And you get just as many points there as he does. And you pick up some extras for accepting another man's child as if she was your own, and for the sacrifices you're making for all of us. Yeah, I love Renesmee's fathers – more than ever – but that's fathers, plural. And it's not making my decision any easier." I looked at both of them so long and hard I was afraid my eyes were going to well with tears.

"And I have to decide," I said. "I know I can't have both of you. Tempting as that is, we all know that won't work."

Jake started to say something, but Edward cut him off. "Why?" he asked, making Jake's and my head snap to him in shock.

"Oh, I don't mean, why can't you have us both. I'm with you there. Neither of us has the temperament for such an arrangement. But why do you feel you have to rush into a decision? You're trying to let your head make a choice that your heart isn't ready to make. And that's not going to work.

A few weeks ago, you chose Jacob over me, for perfectly logical reasons – which are absolutely terrible reasons for making that kind of decision. What happens when the situation changes – again, and throws off your calculations – again? This is not the time for logic, Bella. This is one decision that your heart is going to have to make on its own."

Jake nodded, but I just stuttered in confusion, "But, but..."

"And I know why you're doing it," he continued, cutting me off before I could even get started. "You can't stand being torn between us. You think that making a firm decision, one way or the other, will settle the issue. But it won't. It didn't. Even when you were completely committed to Jacob, your stomach still tied itself into knots whenever we so much as shared a tender smile."

"How... did you know that?" I managed to stammer.

"Please." He said with a snort.

Dang! There was absolutely no privacy in the Cullen house!

"And," he continued, "you know it will be the same way if you're with me. Until your heart is ready to choose, you are going to be torn between us no matter what you do. So, until then, just get used to it. Trying to force it isn't going to help a thing."

"So here's the deal: you can't have us both as lovers; you were right about that part. But you can have us both as suitors. I already know that Jacob's on the same page with me here, Bella. As long as we all keep the romance at a wholesome PG 13, and you don't flaunt it with one, in front of the other, you can date us both – until you're really ready to choose, and choose with your whole heart."

I stared at him, open mouthed, and wondered if he had completely lost his mind. I looked to Jacob for support, but Jacob obviously agreed with Edward. I guess more had passed between them non-verbally than I had realized. They somehow managed to present a united front, while standing several feet apart. They both stood straight and relaxed, with half defiant-half bemused looks on their faces. I knew I should say something, but I had no idea what. I just looked back and forth between them with my mouth gaping open like a hungry fish.

"Well, I'm off," said Jacob, as he turned and walked to the door. "I didn't get neeearly enough sleep last night."

"And no more of that, until she's firmly decided!" Edward hollered after him.

"Sure, sure," said Jacob. "Scout's honor." He held up three fingers in the Boy Scout salute. But then he dropped two of them before he rounded the corner.

I stared after him, dumbfounded. I only managed to get up the nerve to talk to Edward when I heard the door close upstairs.

"Are you serious?" I asked him.

"Deadly," he said smiling. His teeth were very beautiful, but they were obviously a predator's teeth. Deadly. He never used to smile so big, or so devilishly, in front of me, for fear of frightening me. I was so glad he was past that sort of silliness, but now it looked like he had moved on to whole new heights of – lunacy.

"Have you both lost your minds?" I asked. "No, scratch that. Have you lost your mind? I more than half expect such things from a freaky werewolf. I mean, I love them dearly; but between transformations, pack minds, imprinting... freaky is an understatement. But you – you're a perfectly normal vampire! How could you possibly expect this... comic book ménage to work?"

"Jacob was mentally comparing us to Betty and Veronica," he said with a chuckle. He smirked exasperatingly.

"He would."

"Bella," he said. "First of all, this is not so freaky. It's quite normal for a high-school girl to date more than one boy, concurrently, at least for a short time. Didn't you recently have a date with both Jacob and Mike Newton – at the same time?"

"No!" I said emphatically. "I mean, it wasn't really like that. There was nothing romantic about it."

"That's not the way Mike remembers it – or Jacob."

"If you haven't noticed, Mike is delusional," I said. "And Jake is, was, sixteen!" It bothered me that I couldn't remember the incident clearly enough to be certain that it was their memory that was faulty, and not mine. I did remember Mike getting very sick. Didn't that negate any romantic element?

Edward sighed. "Do you really still love Jacob, Bella?" he asked in a tone that held only the barest hint of doubt, just a shadow of the incredulity the other vampires had shown when I told them I still loved Jacob.

"Of course I do," I said. "He's..." What? My best friend? The father of my child? Saved my life more times than I can count? All true. All good reasons to love him. And all totally irrelevant. There are reasons one falls in love, but once it's there, reason goes out the window.

"I really do," I said simply.

"And... do you still love me?" he asked me softly, hesitantly; but he moved closer to me and looked into my eyes with an intensity that made me acutely aware of my lack of a heartbeat. My formerly noisy heart could no longer tell Edward what I was feeling. But neither could words. All I could do was nod my head almost imperceptibly.

"I mean, are you really still in love with me?" he asked, as he bent his head down and brought his lips closer to mine. His eyes were a blazing, mesmerizing amber. I was surprised. I didn't think I would still be powerless before them, now that I was a vampire too. Shouldn't my eyes be just as powerful as his were now? Then I realized that they were. Edward was as powerless before me as I was before him. Our eyes held each other like bands of steel, like the gravitational attraction of four celestial bodies. Two red suns and two yellow ones. They might circle each other for a time – dance, as they were inescapably locked in each other's orbit. But they couldn't possibly pull away from each other. It was all I could do to barely incline my head in the affirmative while my eyes stayed locked on his.

"Then what else can we do?" he asked. "It would be wrong to leave one of us while you're still undecided, as wrong and as cruel as I was..."

He politely didn't finish the sentence. It still hurt to think of that dark day. I shivered at the thought of causing either Edward or Jacob that kind of pain. Edward could feel my shiver, sense my pain. But he continued.

"I would deserve it," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "But I don't want to be punished any more for my crime. I am paying my penance, and I beg your forgiveness."

I could not think about his words. His lips barely touched mine as he said that, chasing away rational thought. I was responding to something deeper, more important, more urgent. Forgive him? How could I forgive what was already forgotten?

"It would be wrong to keep me if you've really, in your heart, chosen Jacob," he said, as his lips and tongue began to explore mine in earnest. "But if you haven't, if you are still undecided, then what else can we do...?"

And he kissed me. Really kissed me. For the first time.

Edward had been holding out on me. His kiss, his full kiss – not holding back, as he always had with human Bella – was like nothing I had ever experienced. This was everything we had had in the eight months we were together, and everything we had missed in all the months since, all rolled into one. He was, at once, harsh and gentle, soft and hard. He pressed his lips so hard against mine, I thought my invulnerable body would shatter. But his lips slid against mine like silk on satin, or mercury on... mercury. Wasn't this cheating? Hadn't we promised to stick to PG 13? _Oh!_ I thought, with some surprise. Technically, we were only kissing. But it was kissing that put mortal lovemaking to shame. And it hinted, no shouted, at pleasures I had never before dreamed of. Pleasures I was yet to have, if my final choice was Edward. I pushed that thought aside. Who longs for heaven when she's living in paradise? This was enough. This was more than I had ever imagined.

I felt guilty; of course I did. But I pushed that aside too. Because they were right. I was in love with Jacob. But I was also in love with Edward. Pushing either of them aside, while my heart was undecided, would be wrong and cruel and dishonest. Worst of all, it would be hard. I didn't know if I could do anything that hard. I didn't know if I could be that hard.

Was I thinking clearly? No, of course not. But that hadn't helped either, had it? Maybe I had been overthinking it. Maybe I just needed to feel what I felt for I while. So that's what I did. For a long while.

I wondered how long I would have, to make up my mind. Would a hundred years be milking it a bit? I had a bad feeling Jake would think so. If Edward was feeling the same way I was, then he wouldn't be in too much of a hurry for more. But Jake? He had an almost mortal impatience sometimes. And unlike me and Edward, he already knew what he was missing. Making him wait too long would also be wrong, and cruel, and dishonest. I would have to make up my mind, and my heart, soon.

But not today.

Edward and I didn't need to come up for air. And we didn't. We broke the kiss, reluctantly, when we heard Quil and the Youngs coming down for breakfast.


	20. Company

Company

Edward and I broke our long kiss as soon as we heard the Youngs coming down the stairs. For just a second, we shared that playful, guilty look that lovers often have when they've been a little overly demonstrative in public. But it took less than a second for that to shift inside me, from playful-guilty to just plain guilty. I fought to keep that from showing on my face. Edward didn't need that any more than Jacob did. It would only make them feel more guilty and awkward themselves, in what was already a very awkward, situation. And they had nothing to feel guilty about. Giving me some time to make up my mind had been their idea, but I had agreed to it, and I owed it to both of them to handle it as well as I could. I began to have a better understanding why open relationships are the rare exception rather than the rule. This was hard!

Surreptitiously, I looked at Edward's face and saw a slightly worried look there. Yes, this was going to be hard. I smiled and kissed him chastely on the cheek and said, "We'd better go say good morning to our guests." It felt a little odd for me to say 'our guests,' as if the Cullen's house was my house too. Yes, Carlisle and Esme had made it clear to me that this was my house, my home, that they considered me as much a part of their family as their other adopted children; but I still felt like an intruder. Of course, I'd felt much the same way at Charlie's, and that was just dumb. I decided my new-life resolution was to stop feeling guilty about all the things I was given, and instead start looking for ways I could give as good as I got. Maybe being a good hostess to the Youngs was a good place to start.

Edward frowned. "Uh, I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Bella," he said. "Quil is still on edge, and the Youngs are as nervous as mice in a house full of cats. Maybe it's best if we all stay away from them as much as possible."

I started to tell him, that was why I needed to go reassure them. It took me a moment to realize that they would be as nervous around me as they were around any of the other vampires. Maybe more so. Quil, for one, had been warned that I might not be able to control myself for a while. Had he warned the Young's? Probably.

"But," I said, "Quil's one of my best friends, and Emily is almost like... Esme to me. Well, like a big sister or young aunt anyway. I've never met her brother, but I think I should. I think the best way to show them that we won't hurt them is to show them that we really want to be friends."

Edward looked skeptical, but he didn't argue. "Should I go get Alice?" he asked.

I had to think about that. "I think more of us would only make them more nervous, at least at first," I said. "Why don't you and Alice come join us after thirty minutes or so? Don't worry, their scent is all over the house. I'm sure I can handle it. Besides, Quil is there, he'll protect them."

Edward gave me a look of pure astonishment. "You're less than one day old," he said. "And you think you can handle your hunting instinct standing next to three humans, and your flight or fight reflex standing next to a nervous werewolf? Bella, you've smelled humans and werewolves, but not frightened humans and on-edge werewolves! That's a whole different ballgame."

I frowned at that. I couldn't imagine that it could be any worse than Renesmee was last night, when she had imitated the old me—complete with the scent of fresh blood I'd had when I gave birth to her. It was the only memory she had of me, so she had imitated it, perfectly. Still, the only fear I had smelled so far was the heady scent from the animals I hunted last night. Human fear would be a lot worse, or better, depending on how you looked at it.

"I'll keep Quil between me and them until I'm absolutely certain," I assured him. "Even if my self control falters, I'm sure my survival instinct will keep me from doing anything stupid. Go on. Get Alice. But give me ten minutes."

Nervously, Edward headed over to the guest house to get Alice. He left through the window, I suppose to avoid having to pass by the humans. But I wondered if he had just gotten so used to leaving my room through the window, after kissing me, that it had become a habit. I heard him calling to Alice before his feet hit the ground. It wasn't loud enough for the humans to hear from the kitchen, but I thought Quil probably could. For that matter, he probably could hear most of our conversation. Oh well, saves explaining things twice.

As soon as I turned to head towards the kitchen, focusing my attention there, I heard Quil talking to the Youngs. "George, Carol," he said, "Bella is coming to visit with us. She's trying to hold on to her humanity, so... don't worry, it's going to be alright. I'm right here."

"Claire Bear, you've heard of Bella, right?"

"Nesmee's Mommy?" I heard a little girl ask.

"That's right," said Quil.

"What's a humamity?"

"That means, uh," Quil struggled with what to say. "Well, she's been sick. So she can't get too close to you. But she's feeling a little better, so let's be nice to her, Okay?"

I stopped when I heard that, just as I was about to open the door. Quil was talking to me, as much as to Claire. He knew I could hear every word. Of course he didn't want me to get too close to Claire or her parents. I was a monster now. I was hardly good company for a young couple with a toddler daughter and her... protector. I thought then about what I was doing, what I had been about to do.

Did I really need to make friends with the humans? Why? Didn't I have enough friends already? My human friends and family were already liabilities that I didn't really need, difficult to care for and deceive, vulnerable, potential hostages to my growing list of enemies. And they would leave painful never-healing wounds when they inevitably died. Besides, hadn't I always been a loner before I came to Forks? The gregarious gang at Forks High had partly brought me out of my shell, and Edward and then Jacob had captured my then-vulnerable heart. But still, at my core, I was a loner. I didn't have much use for most people, or at least most humans. In that way, I had always had more in common with Edward than with Jacob, even before I became a vampire.

I considered Edward's skepticism in a new light. True, he was afraid I would scare the humans and make them even more uncomfortable than they already were, and he might have even been a little worried that I might hurt them; but mostly he just didn't see the point. Edward had never made friends with any humans that I knew of, except for me. None of the Cullen 'kids' had. Edward and Alice used to sit at the table and socialize politely with my friends, but those were my friends, not theirs. Carlisle and Esme socialized a little, but they didn't have any close friends either. I sometimes wondered why the Cullens bothered to pretend to be human, when they had so little use for humanity. _She's trying to hold on to her humanity_, Quil had said. But did I really even need to do that? Did any of us?

I heard Quil, still talking to Claire on the other side of the door. "Are you going to be a good big sister to Renesmee?" he asked.

Big sister? What was that about?

"Uh huh," she agreed, "Nesmee's pretty."

"Yeah... Hey, are you just saying that because she looks just like you when she's sleeping?"

She giggled and objected, "Nuh uh, I wike Carwie an Nesmee an Rosawee... I wike all her changings!"

Quil laughed. "I don't think that's what people usually mean when they talk about changing the baby. And maybe we shouldn't talk about her changing into Rosalie."

This was the first time I had heard Quil interacting with Claire. I listened to them banter like a brother and sister, or uncle and niece in a close-knit family. It was sweet and comforting and so... normal. That surprised me. I had been expecting to find it strange and uncomfortable, and instead it was just the opposite. It was very reassuring and made me hopeful that Edward's and Renesmee's relationship might not be as strange as I had feared.

I pondered Quil's suggestion that Claire would be like a big sister to Renesmee. Thanks to the pack mind, Quil shared some of what Jacob felt for Renesmee, just like Jacob shared some of what Quil felt for Claire. Renesmee's Uncle Quil was as close to her as her Aunt Rose was, or closer. Of course Quil and Jake would want the girls to be like sisters; in their minds, they already were. And if this little girl was going to be a big sister to my daughter, then I needed to be like a kindly aunt to her. The werewolves were strange and wondrous creatures. With their pack mind and imprints and transformations, they seemed to have even less in common with humans than we vampires did. But they had kept the best of their humanity. For Jake's and Renesmee's sakes, I would too.

Slowly, I opened the door and took in the scene and the scents in front of me. As expected, Quil had put himself between me and the Youngs. All of them looked at me expectantly. Everyone except Claire looked nervous. And Edward was right, the smell of fear was a sweet fire in the air. I took a moment to get used to it before I fully entered the room. It was painful, but this was a pain I would have to get used to if I didn't want to cut Charlie and Renee and Emily and Billy out of my life. The worst part wasn't the smell, though. It was the mistrustful, almost frightened, look in the eyes of one of my closest friends.

I smiled wanly and said, "I don't think I'm contagious any more, but I'll understand if you don't want to get too close." My throat constricted and made my voice sound more like a mouse squeak than the bell chimes I was just beginning to get used to. Quil and I stared awkwardly at one another for a long moment. Then Quil's expression changed from one of wariness to embarrassed surrender. He dropped his eyes and ambled slowly over to me with his arms held out stiffly at his sides. We hugged. And as we hugged, I felt the stiffness leave Quil's body. My own body would no longer react so automatically; it would no longer betray or easily express my emotions the way my human body would. So I willed it to yield to his embrace and give my friend the comfort he deserved.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he whispered. "I didn't mean..."

"Shhh," I said. "It's alright. I'm your friend, Quil. I always will be."

Even while I was hugging Quil, I was already thinking about what I should say to George and Carol. Promising not to hurt them didn't sound very friendly. They didn't need any reminders that I was a creature who had to struggle not to hurt them. But what should I say to them? What did we have in common? Then I looked at the little girl George Young was holding. And I felt like a dunce.

Clasping Quil's hand with my left, I let him hold me in a way that was friendly, but also showed that he had me in control. I reached out to shake hands with each them with my right. "Carol, George," I said warmly, "I've heard so much about you from Quil, and Emily, and the whole gang. I've been looking forward to meeting you. And you, Claire. I've heard all about you."

The two adults each shook my hand nervously, and the little girl giggled. But her father did not offer to position her where we could touch. I wasn't disappointed. I didn't blame him a bit, actually. It was easy to imagine that it was Renesmee he was holding, especially since she had looked like Claire's twin just a few hours ago. And there was no way I would let a strange vampire touch Renesmee.

"We've heard about you too," said Carol, nervously.

I grimaced. "That's what I was afraid of."

"No, it was mostly good," she said.

"You mean the part where I was this mopey girl in love with a... guy who left, or the part where I left Jacob twisting in the wind for a month, while I went to live with said guy and didn't even tell Jacob I was carrying his child? Or the part where I'm a danger magnet who's put everyone you know in mortal peril?"

"They said you were very brave, and loyal, and kind," she said. "And they said that you were a little like Juliet: 'loving not wisely, but too well.'"

"Ouch!" I said. "Nice to know that my friends are honest." Not that I agreed with them, but I'm sure that's what they thought.

"There are no secrets in a wolf pack," said George. "I'm not one myself, but I know the legends."

He sounded a bit wistful, and I empathized with George. I knew what it was like to be surrounded by magic and not be a part of it, smelling the fresh-baked rolls at a bakery and pressing your face to the glass, and being completely locked out. Or at least I used to know what that was like. It was strange, but I felt a certain sense of loss that I was no longer a part of his group, no longer one of the outsiders, that small group of humans in the know. I decided not to share that feeling with George, even though it gave me a connection to him. I was sure I'd get no sympathy for it.

"And there are no secrets from an imp," said Carol, "or in this case, the little imp's parents."

Imp. Short for imprint. That was convenient. Children are often called imps. The Youngs understandably didn't want to talk about things too openly in front of Claire. Young as she was, she would quickly pick up words and eventually understand them. So code was the word of the day. I wished I could shelter Renesmee from all this weirdness so easily.

"So, Quil tells you everything, then?" I asked.

Carol nodded. "He's got almost a compulsion to tell everything important to... someone," she said. "So he tells us. It's kind of like therapy."

"And it's part of the deal, to let this bum hang out at our place all the time," George added. "That and free nanny services."

"I'm so abused," said Quil, but he smiled when he said it.

George gave him a sidelong glare.

"It does sound unfair," I said without thinking. I didn't mean to butt in to their business, but... were the Cullens going to get free nanny services or maid services or lawn care, in exchange for letting Renesmee stay at their house and moon over Edward every day? I knew they wouldn't really do that, but it bothered me that they could.

Carol seemed to sense the direction my thoughts were taking. "The unfair part," she said softly, while George made Claire laugh by trying to bite the wiggling child's belly, "is that she loves him more than either of us, maybe more than both of us together."

My concern suddenly reversed. "How can you bear it?" I asked.

Carol reached out as if to touch my shoulder, but then she drew back timidly. She smiled a little wistfully and said, "She doesn't love us any less than she did, or any less than most children love their parents, maybe even more, because she's so happy. She's the happiest child I know."

I saw my red eyes reflected in her dark brown ones, and I was surprised by the look of concern there. Even more surprising, the scent of fear had almost completely left the air. I matched her wistful smile with one of my own.

"I wish I could say I know how you feel, Bella," she said. "But Quil's not my ex-boyfriend. I have no idea how I would cope with that!"

"Ex-boyfriend. I just wish it was that easy," I said, again without thinking. Controlling my more dangerous impulses was getting easier and easier, but it was still distracting me, making it hard to hold a conversation without blurting things out that I should have kept to myself. Oh well, there are no secrets in a wolf pack.

"I thought you and Jake were back together," said Quil.

"It's complicated," I said. But I knew I couldn't just leave it at that. "He and Edward thought I was rushing into a decision, doing what's best for Renesmee, without really knowing my own heart. They're giving me some time to make up my mind."

"They're my suitors," I said, trying to make it sound flippant.

George passed Claire to Quil, on some signal she must have given him that was too subtle for me to catch. They otherwise just stared, a bit rudely, I thought.

"May I cook you all some breakfast?" I asked. "I make killer blueberry pancakes."

"Yay!" said Claire, "booberry pamcakes!"

I made them blueberry pancakes, bacon and western omelets. And we turned the conversation to lighter subjects. Carol helped cook. But I didn't let her cut the vegetables—definitely not! Carol and I chatted while we cooked. Carol looked a little worried when I got out the bacon, but I assured her that its smell didn't bother me. Truth was, I had a strong urge to wrap it around my nose to protect me from her smell, but I didn't tell her that. George and Quil made coffee, set the table, played with Claire and gave us space. They seemed to have decided to let me and Carol bond; and surprisingly, we did. She was just a few years older than me, and we were both mothers of young daughters, which gave us a lot more in common than I had imagined. I sat at the table, and we continued our conversation while they ate.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" asked Carol.

I answered the spirit of the question and evaded it's literal meaning—because the truth was, I did want something, very much. I shook my head. "We don't eat. We don't drink," I said. "Well, except for one thing. And I'm fine, for now."

She cringed just a little, but took me at my word. I sensed no fear in her beyond the lingering nervousness. "What's it like?" she asked.

"The thirst?" I asked in surprise.

"Uh, I meant the whole thing," she said. "What's it like to be a V? But yes, the thirst. I know that's a big part of it. What's the thirst like?"

Great. Now I smelled fear. I needed to be more careful what I said, but it was so hard to do while simultaneously controlling my thirst and keeping up a pleasant conversation. If I had carefully measured my every word before saying anything, I was sure I would have only made George and Carol more nervous, not less. Or if I was a little less stressed by my thirst, I could have weighed my words without them ever noticing. But as it was, I was just too new to this, too inexperienced at being a vampire. I was about to answer her, mostly honestly, when I heard a very faint voice coming from the other side of the house. It was so fast, I had to switch mental gears to understand it. No human could have followed it, even if they could hear it, and it was so soft I almost thought that it was just in my head.

"_Be careful what you say to them, Bella," _said Edward, and I think he was in the dining room, just outside the kitchen._ "We've cultivated our reputation as soulless monsters, among the humans who know about us, on purpose. I don't think we can keep that image now, but we don't want to make this life sound too appealing either. George, especially, is already intrigued by the thought of strength and immortality. But he would not thank us if we turned him. He would curse us for the loss of his humanity. And there would be deaths, Bella. He would kill people. Never forget that you are a rarity. A rarity among rarities. Of the several thousand vampires in this world, maybe two dozen are as gentle as we. And even gentle Esme killed people before she got herself under control."_

I felt dumb. I had at first wanted to become a vampire to be with Edward, and later I had chosen to become a vampire to protect my family. The thought just never occurred to me that someone like George or Carol, with everything to live for in the human world, might want to become a vampire. I spoke a bit more carefully, and tried not to be too obvious about it.

"It's different for me than it is for most," I said, sticking with honesty as much as I dared. "Eleazar says that I have the mildest craving of any vampire he's ever met. And he's an expert. He has a special knack for knowing what a vampire's strengths and weaknesses are. For me, it's kind of like I'm chewing super strong habaneros. My throat is burning all the time! And there's only one relief. I'll need to go hunt again in a little while. Older v... My older siblings don't have to hunt so often, about once a month. An ancient like Tanya or Irina can go a full year; Carlisle can go a few months, but that's a real strain. But even though they don't need to sate it as often, their thirst is much worse than mine. Edward described it as being like an addiction, like heroin or cocaine. But Jasper says it's more like fear."

"Fear?" asked Carol.

"Uh huh," I said. "You know how if something scares you, you react automatically? The fear can completely take control of your body? Jasper said that being around hu... around some people, is like standing in the middle of a battlefield with union bullets whizzing past his head. And he should know."

"Really?"

I nodded. "The flight or fight reflex. For most of them, it's like that. Often, it's all they can do to keep from doing one or the other, usually the other."

I saw the look on her face, and I worried I might have said too much.

"They're all very experienced at staying in control," I assured her. "No one's going to have any accidents, I promise you. Jasper has the hardest time of it, but when he focuses, he really focuses. He's like a seasoned soldier on a battlefield—which he was. He feels fear, but he's able to lock it away."

Quil joined our conversation, standing up from where he was helping Claire build a fort from blocks of wood. The blocks looked home-made. I suspected that one of my siblings had made them for Claire with his or her bare hands. They were very smooth. We wouldn't want to risk splinters. "Jake says that you have a really strange reaction to fear," he said, "like you're fearless."

"More like I have a dysfunctional survival instinct," I corrected. "Things frighten me. I just don't react the way other people do. I don't flinch, or get weak in the knees, or have any kind of autonomic reaction—usually." I remembered preparing to fight a gang of ruffians in Port Angeles, when running and screaming would have been more sensible, and being petrified and rooted to the spot would have at least been normal. And I remembered all the times I courted danger because it summoned a warning voice from Edward—had that just been two months ago? It seemed like a lifetime! No, I did not have a normal reaction to fear.

"Maybe that's why all this doesn't affect you the way it does most people," suggested George.

I thought about that for a full half second. It could be...

"But it's only Jasper who reacts that way," said Carol. "Edward said that for him it was just like an addiction, right?"

I shook my head. "Edward was downplaying it to keep from scaring me. Since then, they've all admitted that it's more like fear, or horror, or abject terror. Like 'I have to do this, or I'll die!' Even though they know they won't really die, that's the way it feels. That's why it's so hard to resist. It's one of the worst parts of being... what we are. Even if we do eventually learn to control it, imagine spending an eternity in terror."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, while we thought about that. I hoped that George and Carol realized how horrible it would be, but I was mostly thinking about the implications for me. I hadn't felt the way everyone else had. This was hard for me, the craving, but nowhere near unmanageable. I could do this! Not just right now with the Youngs, and with me on my guard, but forever, with Charlie and Renee and my friends, and most especially with Renesmee—no matter what form she took. I wasn't putting anyone in danger! I carefully hid my jubilation from Carol and George.

I felt a slight tug on the hem of my skirt. I looked down and saw Claire standing there, trying to get my attention. She seemed to take my look as an invitation and immediately began to climb into my lap. All the adults tensed, and Quil was like a coiled spring, ready to knock me to the ground if I twitched the wrong way. But I smiled and said softly, "It's okay. Claire, do you want more pancakes?" She nodded, so I motioned Carol to slide me her plate and began feeding Claire the rest of her pancakes. We adults (if Quil counts as one) went back to our discussion.

"Still," said George, "you should try—water, milk, orange juice. They're all good remedies for hot peppers. I know you say the thought doesn't appeal to you, but... these diet smoothies Carol has us drinking, they don't appeal to me either, but they still work!"

"Good point," I conceded. "I will experiment a bit. But I'll do it when there's no one else around."

Carlisle came into the kitchen for a few minutes, just before he left for work at the hospital. I was pleased to see that the humans hardly reacted to his presence. He checked to see if we needed anything before he left. Then Esme came and suggested that she and Alice take the Youngs shopping in Port Angeles. She thought they might take Claire to The Bear Factory in the mall, and suggested George and Carol might want to pick up some more 'human amenities'. The humans thought that was a good idea and headed upstairs to get ready.

Dangerous or not, my throat felt like it was on fire. I decided to give George's suggestion a try. Drinking water was like breathing air, doing neither more nor less, but it felt a little uncomfortable in my stomach. Most other drinks only made things worse, and I had to spit them right back out. The Cullens had really stocked up for their human guests, so I tried a wide variety of beverages: colas, fruit juices, beer, wine, milk... Nothing helped. Most were sickening. I even tried a little sip from a packet of blood Carlisle had stocked, in case of an emergency, during my pregnancy. It was even my old blood type, but it still didn't do a thing for me. Apparently, it has to be fresh. Lastly, I tried the baby bottle that was in the fridge. I was actually glad it didn't help. Yuck!

"Some mother you are," said Jacob, who was standing in the doorway holding Renesmee (Carlie). He was wearing plaid-green flannel pajama bottoms—and a big smile. "First, you try to steal her imprint, now you're stealing her breakfast?"

I spewed the wretched fluid into the sink. "Jake!" I shouted. "Hasn't anyone taught you better than to tease grizzly bears and newborns?"

"Can't be helped," he said, while he walked up to me and shifted Renesmee to one arm. "I am in love with the newborn." And he indicated that he meant Renesmee. "And the grizzly bear."

I had a retort ready, but he shut me up with a kiss. While we were kissing, he deftly took the bottle from me and held it for Renesmee. His long arm had to reach all the way around me to do that and would have trapped me against him if I hadn't been several times stronger than he was. Not wanting to bruise either his arm or his ego, I settled in for a long smooch. I'm not sure how long we kissed, but we didn't stop until Renesmee finished her bottle.

"Hmmm, interesting combination," said Jacob. "Tastes like venom and cantaloupe juice."

"Venom? Are you alright?" Vampire venom is nothing to fool around with. I belatedly remembered that I needed to keep my mouth dry when I kissed Jake.

He nodded. "Sure, sure. My saliva counteracts it. I'm fine as long as I don't get it in a sore or a cut."

Jake never got sores, and his cuts healed in seconds, so that meant he was fine as long as I didn't bite him.

"Cantaloupe juice?" I asked, as I kissed Renesmee and took her from Jacob. "I didn't drink any...? Ugh! I thought that was baby formula!"

Jake shook his head, grinning. "Nothing but the best for our little girl," he said. "We're lucky Carol was still nursing Claire, and that she volunteered to help out. This is much healthier."

I frowned at the reminder that this was something I could never do for my daughter. Jake saw the frown and must have guessed its reason.

"Yeah, when we tell her how her mom sacrificed her humanity to save us all, she's going to say, 'But she never breast fed me. I feel so deprived! I need therapy, and a new car. Aunt Rosie, can I have a new car?'"

I snorted. "Don't make a martyr out of me, Jake," I said. "It's true I had decided to stay human, before this thing with the Volturi. But when Eleazar said that I might help if I became a vampire, I jumped at the chance."

"Uh, isn't Claire almost three?" I asked, changing the subject. "Why's she still on breast milk?"

"Gees, you are such a white, white, white girl," said Jake. "Did you know that the average age for weening a child, world-wide, is five and a half? Most Makah start weening at three. It's like a custom. And it's way healthier than formula. Like I said, we're lucky. What? Are you still hungry? Let's see what we've got."

It took me a moment to realize that last part was directed at Renesmee, not me. Fact was, after my failed experiment, I was parched.

"Well, there's no more of the good stuff. Your mother made sure of that," said Jake with the refrigerator door wide open. I ignored his teasing; I only had a sip. Then he glanced back at Renesmee, and his shoulders slumped just a little.

"Okay, I won't fight it," he said. "But when this is all gone, we're not replacing it." Renesmee was now Nessie, and she had her eyes fixed firmly on the packet of blood on the top shelf.

"Carlie likes milk, but not cow's milk," he told me. "And Nessie likes blood, but not cow's blood. Your little girl is very picky and spoiled."

I gave her back to Jake, kissing and nuzzling her as I did. There was no way I could stay while he fed her human blood, not as thirsty as I was. "I need to go hunt," I said.

"Oh. Okay," said Jake. "But take Alice with you. You're doing great, but we want to be sure, sure, sure."

"Alice and Esme are taking Quil and the Youngs shopping," I told him.

"Fine. Take the E word," he said.

"Jake, this arrangement was your idea as much as his—and not mine. Can't you two get along?"

"We get along," he said sullenly. "I just... I don't want to share either of you, and I have to share both. Don't I get to be less than thrilled about it?"

"Yes, of course you do. But try to play nice. It's awkward enough already." I kissed them both, and rushed out before he could open the package or she could lose her patience.

Edward and I didn't go far from the house. I was still full from last night; I just needed a little something to take the edge off. I took down a small fawn about a half mile from the Cullen's. I did pretty well, getting only a few spatters on my shirt. I had just finished, and Edward was giving me a few pointers for staying neat, when he suddenly looked back at the house. "Uh oh," he said.

"What? Are we under attack?" I asked, suddenly alert.

"In a manner of speaking," he said. "It's your parents. They want to see their daughter, and granddaughter-s. Your father is being his usual taciturn self, but your mother is about to cause a scene."

Yeah, that sounded like Renee.

"Oh, and your father thinks that Angela, Jessica and Mike plan to come by later today."


	21. Family Ties

**21. Family Ties**

Edward and I ran back to the house at eighty miles an hour. We could have run faster, of course, but I wanted to take the time to think about what I was going to do. Thirty two seconds is a long time to a vampire, but I was no closer to a decision when I got to the house, than I was when I first heard that Renee and Charlie were there, wanting to see me and Renesmee—and Carlie.

"What am I going to do, Edward?" I asked as we approached the back of the house. "They can't see me looking like this! I look... airbrushed. Less like I did three days ago than a Playboy centerfold looks like the girl who posed for it. And Renesmee, they think she's two different girls! How are we going to pull that off?"

"I don't know," said Edward. He leaped effortlessly up to my bedroom window and held out his hand for me to follow. The bedroom windows at the Cullens' were all the size of doorways. The all had one-foot ledges that were just perfect for leaping up to, and no screens – the smell of vampires is a great insect repellent. (Jake says that the mosquitoes are just exercising professional courtesy.) My window was already open, so there was plenty of room for us. But the house was built on a hill and had high ceilings, so the second story window was twenty seven feet up! I mentally replayed Edward's leap and copied it as precisely as I could. I landed as lightly and surely on the ledge as he had. I took his hand politely, but I didn't need it for balance. Edward gave an appreciative nod – at my leap or at the way I looked doing it, I wasn't sure.

All in all, I liked being a vampire.

"I think it's best for now to just say that you and the girls are too sick to see anyone," said Edward, continuing our conversation.

I nodded in agreement. Stepping into the room I became aware of the conversation, or argument, bordering on shouting match, going on downstairs. Well, shouting match isn't exactly right either, since Renee was the only one shouting.

"I didn't say wake her," she said. "I said let me see her! Them! If they're that sick, I don't even have to go in the room. But I need to see them!"

She was shouting, but she was struggling to keep her voice down. If I was still human, and sleeping, and my door was closed, it probably wouldn't have woken me.

"Renee," said Carlisle soothingly, "their immune systems are highly compromised. I'd really rather no one go upstairs who doesn't have to. We're trying to keep that as nearly-sterile an environment as we can."

While I listened to them argue, Rosalie came in, holding Renesmee.

"See," she said soothingly, "there's Bella and Uncle Edward."

She brought a pouting Carlie into the room. But Carlie beamed happily as soon as she saw Edward. She didn't reach out to him though; she reached out to me. She seemed to want to include all of us in her affection. Happily, I took her from Rosalie and snuggled against her, as I listened to the discussion downstairs.

"Mrs. Dwyer," said Jake, "I want..."

But I don't guess I'll ever know what Jake wanted, because Renee cut him off.

"You!" she said acidly. "I don't know how you have the nerve to speak to me. You took advantage of my little girl while she was heartbroken and confused. And you didn't even use protection!"

"No," Jake pleaded. "I mean... yeah, but... I mean, she wasn't over Edward, but she was past the worst of it."

"You want to try to tell me those babies are six months premature?" Renee shouted. "She was still a basket case in February!"

It was a good thing I was holding Renesmee. She keeps me calm. Otherwise, I think they would have had to dismantle me to keep me from killing my mother right then and there.

"How dare she!" I said, turning to look at Edward. "Edward, I..."

My voice trailed off when I saw him. He was standing there, unmoving. He looked stunned or in shock. "Edward?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

I glanced at Rosalie, but she just shrugged, as if this was normal. I looked back at Edward. "Edward?" I repeated.

"In. February," he said, so softly that even I could barely hear it.

Oh.

Edward had never really known how bad it had been. Charlie and Renee were the only ones who knew. Even they didn't really know, but they knew better than anyone else did. After the first week or so, I managed to hide the worst of it from everyone else. Jake was even more sensitive to my moods than Charlie or Renee were, but I was always so much better whenever I was around him that even he never saw the worst of it. So even Jake had no idea how bad it still was, back in January and February, when we first started hanging out. He did know how bad it was in September, when Edward first left – or at least how bad it looked, which I don't think did it justice. But it looked pretty bad. Basket case was putting it mildly. Jake made sure that Edward got a good look at that in his memories, the first time they met, after Edward got back. But he only did it that one time. I threatened to break up with him if he ever did it again. So Edward knew that I had been a basket case in September, but not that I was still one in February.

"Oh, Edward," I cooed. "Please don't do that. Everything worked out for the best. Look, Edward. Look at Renesmee. If you hadn't left, she wouldn't be here. And she makes me so happy. And now you're upsetting her. Please don't make her unhappy. That's the only thing I'll ever ask of you. Please."

Edward looked up at me then, and smiled past his pain. Renesmee struggled in my arms until I gave her to him, and he cradled her in his arms and snuggled his face against her. She was immediately happy again, and so was Edward. He had not forgiven himself, but Renesmee gave him something more important to think about. I noticed that she was still Carlie; Edward was the only vampire, besides me, who seemed to think that Carlie smelled just as good as Nessie did. The imprint might be one-sided, but it wasn't one-way.

"Good," I said, "now I'm going to go give that woman a piece of my..."

I felt Edward's hand grip my arm tightly. We locked eyes, and he said, "Your mother loves you. She's been worried sick. She's upset. And she's right. You don't want to hurt her, not even verbally. Don't worry about me and Jacob. We're big boys. We can take it."

I nodded but said, "She's not right. But she is in the dark. I have to talk to her."

I raced to my closet, tossed off the blood-stained clothes I was wearing and put on a bathrobe. I was sick, after all. "Tell them I'll be down in a minute!" I called a little more loudly than necessary. I said it so high and fast, though, that all Charlie and Renee would hear was a high-pitched trill or ringing. I tied my hair back in a tight bun. Like my skin, it was more shiny and lustrous than it had been a few days ago. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed at my unearthly beauty. I wonder if the legends of vampires being repelled by mirrors might have come about because we were so easily distracted by them – like Narcissus. Good thing I had Jake to keep me grounded there. He liked the old me better.

I grabbed a scarf and pinned it to my hair to wear as a veil. It was translucent, with a leopard-spot pattern. They would be able to see my face underneath it, but not clearly. And I hoped that the pattern would give the impression that my skin had blotches and patches of discoloration, which would help explain the scarf. I put on a pair of sunglasses and said, "How do I look?"

"Now **I'm** mad at your mother," said Rosalie. "Didn't she ever teach you: tiara, only if you're a princess; veil, only if you're a Muslim? Sigh. I'll go get the tinted contacts Alice got for you. They'll do better than those tacky shades."

I didn't think my sunglasses were tacky, but I didn't have time to argue. While she was gone, I looked myself over and decided I needed more camouflage. I used some makeup to paint an ugly blotch on my right cheek. That would draw their eyes, and hint that there were other blotches being covered by the veil. Our story was that I had something like vitiligo, a disease that robs pigment from the skin. But vitiligo doesn't make you pretty; it makes you blotchy. Treatment for it might make you pretty, though. That story had worked for Michael Jackson, sort of, so it might work for me. (I wasn't the only one who wondered if Jackson was a vampire, but none of the Cullens had been curious enough to make a trip to Neverland, or go to one of his concerts to find out for sure.)

Rosalie shuddered when she saw the mark I had painted on my cheek, or maybe it was the total effect, which was pretty awful – or awfully ugly. I didn't care. My parents and friends could think whatever they wanted, as long as it was nowhere close to the truth. If we lost the upcoming battle, the Volturi were going to slaughter the Quileute. I would give them no excuse to go after anyone else. I looked at Renesmee, and she looked back at me quizzically. Her skin had a leopard-spot pattern on it.

"Oh, you are so clever!" I said. "But no. No, you have to stay Carlie for Grandma and Grandpa. What am I doing? Talking to a three-day old baby like she could possibly understand me?"

"She does," said Edward. "Some. I can't explain it, but her mental capacity is far outstripping her body's rapid development. And I think there's some kind of connection, like the link that the wolves share. It's not as strong as theirs, more subliminal, but she is connected to her pack."

"To Sam and the others?" I asked. "You think they're in wolf form right now?"

"Not _The_ Pack, Bella. _Her_ pack. Us. She seems to have forged a mental connection to this entire household. Like I said, it's not at the conscious level; but it's letting her understand things no three-day old should, and know things she shouldn't be able to know – like about Rosalie's dimple."

I just shook my head in wonder. Freaky werewolves.

"All right," I told Renesmee. "Stay Carlie. You can change to Nessie later. When I tell you. Okay?"

She looked at me intently, as I took her in my arms. She didn't nod her head, or say anything. Thank goodness. I think I would have freaked if she had. I took a deep breath and took her downstairs to meet her grandparents. I tried to walk shakily, like I was sick and weak. But I didn't want to overdo it either. For one thing, I didn't want them to think that I was in danger of falling down the stairs with Renesmee. But I didn't want to hand her off to anyone else either. Holding her would keep me calm. The Cullens all made themselves scarce, leaving just me and Jake and Renesmee to face my parents.

"Hi Mom, Char... Dad," I said. I tried to make my voice sound like the old me. I had not yet mastered the art of mimicry, which all the Cullens were so good at.

"Bella!" Renee exclaimed and rushed up to greet me. Charlie was more restrained, like he always was. But I didn't need Jasper to tell me that his emotions were as strong as Renee's. I could see it in his eyes.

I held up one hand and said, "Hold up Mom. We're really germaphobic right now. This is Carlie, your youngest granddaughter. I don't know if her sister is going to feel up to making an appearance or not."

Weakened immune system was the story we were going with, a side effect of the treatments we were getting for an illness we didn't want to specify. Sure it sounded fishy. But that didn't matter. They might think leprosy. They might think aids. They might even think illegal hormones or gene therapy. But they probably wouldn't think vampire or anything supernatural. That was all that mattered. And it gave me an excuse to keep my distance and wear a veil. In addition to hiding my blotches, we told them it was treated with antimicrobials. I guess I should have put one on Renesmee too, but I just didn't have the heart to hide her beautiful face.

"Mom," I said, "I heard what you said to Jake earlier – on the intercom." I had to remember to buy one later, to make that more believable. But right now, I just had to concentrate on controlling my anger. I squeezed the hand that wasn't holding Renesmee as tight as I could. I was so angry that even holding Renesmee wasn't completely calming me down. And I could tell Jasper was close by, doing his part as well. No wonder most vampires, especially most newborns, didn't get close to humans they didn't plan to kill.

"Well," she said defensively, "I'm sorry you heard it. But it had to be said. Of course, she's beautiful. And I know you're eighteen. That might make it legal, but he still took advantage!"

"No, he didn't," I said firmly, through clenched teeth. "And my being eighteen might not make it legal. It might make it illegal. Jake is only sixteen! If anything, I was taking advantage of him."

Jake tried to say something, but I stopped him with a glare. Then I softened my look. I knew this would be hard on Jake, but I had to set Mom straight. Jake could take more blame later if he wanted to. This one was on me.

"Sixteen?" she stammered. "He looks more like twenty six!"

"I told you he was sixteen," said Charlie. Then he turned to me and said, "And that's age of consent, Isabella. Though, I could get you on a misdemeanor contributing charge if Jake or Billy wanted to file a complaint. And I reckon a judge might take that big baby as proof that he wasn't sixteen at the time. Wasn't his birthday just back in January?"

Jake audibly choked, and Renee started to say something, but I stopped her.

"Jake's two years, three months and twenty seven days younger than me Mom. And he's hopelessly in love with me. As I am with him. But it was a little more one-sided at the time. There's no way he could have said no to me. And you're right that I was an emotional wreck back then, which is my only excuse, and is also why I shouldn't have done it, because I wasn't ready for the kind of commitment Jake wanted. But..." I held Renesmee up higher. "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Don't you dare make Jake feel bad about giving her to me."

"It just should have happened a little later," she said contritely.

"It couldn't," I said, a little sadly. "I can't have any more. So be happy with the one we've got."

"The two, you mean," said Jake. Oops. I needed to be more careful what I said.

Mom and Dad showed proper sympathy that I couldn't have any more children. And they both agreed that Carlie was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen. Which they probably would have said, even if it hadn't been true. But of course it was.

Once they calmed down and started acting like concerned grandparents, instead of a mob, I quickly calmed down too, and we settled down for a nice long visit. Now that Mom was behaving herself, it was really wonderful to see her again. It was great to see Charlie too, even though I just saw him a week ago. Things were happening so fast, and the future was so uncertain, I wanted to savor every second I could with my family. That no longer just meant Renee and Charlie, but it still included them. I was glad; I had been terrified that I would lose them when I became a vampire. And then I noticed I was tearing up, for no apparent reason.

Charlie and Renee both smiled knowingly, and I wanted to hug them. We visited for a few hours, and Renesmee shamelessly flirted with her grandparents the whole time. I wished I could have let them hold her, but there were just too many possibilities for calamity there. Renee was happily making faces at Carlie, when she suddenly switched tracks.

"When are we going to get to see Nessie?" she asked. "Carlie, you're just the most adorable baby I ever saw, but I'd like to see Nessie too. Where's Nessie?"

Thank goodness for a vampire's reflexes. I knew what might happen, so I shifted in my seat to partially cover Renesmee with my body. At the same time, I gave my head a jerk, which caused the scrunchy to come off, and allowed my hair to fall over my and Renesmee's faces. Just in time, too. She was Nessie.

My head shake had been too fast for human eyes to follow, and Renee and Charlie were startled and distracted by the scrunchy suddenly flying across the room. It also caused my veil to fall off, but that worked for me too. I let my hair cover my face and Renesmee's, and I beat a hasty retreat saying that I thought I heard Nessie crying. As I headed upstairs, I heard Jake tell my parents that I was very self conscious of the 'discoloration'. Ha ha. Well, anyway, it worked. Renee and Charlie thought I was being silly and talked about all the times they had taken care of me through diaper rash, chicken pox, allergies and the like. I ground my teeth loud enough that I was surprised my parents couldn't hear it.

Edward met me at the top of the stairs, and Renesmee looked like she was about to cry.

"She realizes what she did wrong," he said. "Isn't that amazing? Who ever heard of such a precocious child?"

"No one," I said. "There's never been a child like her before."

She was amazing! I was too impressed to get upset about what a close call we just had.

Edward was able to cheer Renesmee up, as easily as making a few funny faces at her. Then he got serious and asked her if she was going to stay Nessie until Grandma and Grandpa left. Renesmee nodded just as seriously, and he assured me that she would be Nessie for the duration. "There's almost no danger that she'll suddenly go back to Carlie," he said. "For one thing, she understands what she did wrong. For another, she's been Carlie all day. She wants and maybe needs to be Nessie for a while, the same way it's been hard for Jacob to go so long without becoming a wolf. We still need to be careful though. Her understanding is at about the level of a very precocious one year old or two year old. A toddler might know that there are things she shouldn't do in front of people; but she doesn't know why, or have any real concept of consequences."

I decided it was worth the risk. I knew how much Renee and Charlie wanted to see Nessie; and truthfully, I wanted to show her off. Edward suggested that he join us, and I thought that was a good idea. He could usually tell if she was about to do something, and a disapproving look from him was usually all it took to get her to stop. Besides, it was past time for Charlie and Renee to forgive Edward.

The proud grandparents jumped to their feet when I brought Nessie downstairs. Their faces beamed in pride and just plain awe at her loveliness.

"Wow, Isabella," said Charlie, "I thought you had the prettiest baby in the world, and now I find out that you have both of them! I don't want to say that she's even prettier than her sister, but... wow!"

"Thanks, Dad," I said. "I know what you mean, but I do hope you'll try not to compare them."

They both nodded agreement, unable to take their eyes off Nessie even long enough to address me directly. Then Renee said, "My goodness, she looks just like her father."

Jake and Edward both looked like they were about to choke on something, but I said, "Really? Most people say she looks more like Edward."

That got Renee to look away from Nessie, long enough to look at each of our faces. Jake and Edward both wore blank expressions, but I'm sure my own look was firm, challenging and slightly cross. Renee looked confused. And she tried to cover it by slipping into parental mode.

"So, you and Jacob have definitely decided to get married?" she asked.

"No," I said. "What's that got to do with it?"

"Well... I mean, if you did, then he would be her father – legally, at least. But Bella," she scolded me in her mother voice, "children are smart. They figure things out pretty quickly. And it's not going to hurt them to know that they have two different fathers, especially with everyone being so... civilized. But if you lie to them. Well, nothing good ever comes of that."

"Mom," I said, "Jake is the girls' father. Their biological father. I know you don't see much resemblance, but that's... Well, it's kind of a condition."

Renee looked shocked, and Charlie looked skeptical.

"I'm having a hard time doing the math here, Bella," said Charlie. "I thought they must be really premature, but they sure don't look it."

"And Jake doesn't look sixteen," I said. "I told you, it's a condition. And it's part of why we know they're Jake's. That, and because there is no other possibility. I've never... Jake's the only candidate. He ran unopposed."

They still looked skeptical. So Jake said, "Charlie, Mrs. Dwyer, Bella knows that I'd love her anyway—love them anyway. I mean, sure, I would have been upset. But Bella wouldn't lie to me about something like that. She knows it'd just hurt more later, like you said. And... well, I didn't need a blood test, but Dr. Cullen had to run a lot of tests for other things and... Let's just say, if she needs a transfusion, it's going to have to come from my side of the family – and definitely not from Edward."

Can you believe they still looked skeptical? But they shrugged it off, and we settled back down for a visit. After a few minutes, Edward came over and whispered that he didn't see any reason they couldn't hold the baby. That made me and Jake both smile. We had Carlisle come in and make an announcement to the effect that his latest tests said they could hold her. Liar, liar, pants on fire. But there are lies that hurt people, and then there are lies that can save people's lives. And when I saw how happy Charlie and Renee were, holding their granddaughter, I knew we were telling the right kind of lies here.

Dad was pretty good about Mom getting more than her share of baby-holding time, since she would be going back to Florida in a few days. In fact, Phil had to go back that night. He had a game the next day. Mom planned to bring him over for a short visit that evening, before Charlie drove them to the airport in Seattle. So Charlie took Mom back to the lodge at four to let her get Phil and freshen up.

That gave us about thirty minutes after they left before Angela, Jessica and Mike were due to come over. I apologized to Carlisle for having so many humans traipsing through his house. He just looked at me askance and reminded me that I was the newborn, not him. He and Edward went back to the guest house to spend some more time with our other Guests, and I talked to Jake alone for a few minutes before my high school friends arrived.

"I did not know that," I said.

"Huh?"

"That you would have loved her, even if she was Edward's."

"Well, then you're just dumb," said Jake.

I gave him a fake angry glare, then I kissed him.

"You know," he said, "when she was first born, for just a second, I thought she really was Edward's. Just like you did."

"And?"

"And I was upset," he said. "But I still loved you, and I still loved her. And I knew that I always would."

"As long as she didn't try to bite me," he added.

I snorted. "Like even a half-vampire would want to bite you!"

The gang didn't visit as long as Mom and Dad had. And they were just as hard to convince that Nessie was Jake's. Actually, I don't think that any of them were convinced, but Angela led the way with her unconditional acceptance.

Angela is the kind of person who makes vampires like Garret reconsider their lifestyles. Of course, Garret had already changed his lifestyle because of Kate. He didn't have any choice. Kate might have accepted him with all his flaws, but with the oath she swore to Jacob, that wasn't an option. If Garret wanted Kate – and he did – then a vegetarian diet was part of the package. But I hoped that Garret would get a chance to get to know some people like Mom and Dad and Angela, so that he would see that the sacrifice was really worthwhile.

Jake had to leave just a few minutes after the Forks gang got there. He had a meeting with Sam. He needed to convince Sam that the idea of having the vampires come live in La Push was still the best plan. I thought I should go with him, but Jake thought they should meet alone first. He had convinced Sam to meet him one on one, in wolf form. The rest of the Pack would stay human. That was because Jake thought he could shield the battle plans from Sam, but if he had a half dozen mind-reading werewolves to worry about, he might get distracted and let something slip.

I got antsy whenever I heard any mention of those secret battle plans. The only thing I knew about them was that they involved Edward doing something crazy and probably getting himself killed. I hated the secret battle plans. But our generals: Jake, Jasper, Edward and Alice, were taking them very seriously and going to great lengths to keep them secret. The Volturi sometimes sent a scout ahead to check out the enemy before they attacked. A vampire with a talent like Victoria's could get behind enemy lines, with almost no chance of getting caught. And he or she might even manage to capture one of the werewolves. If one of them got captured, then anything he knew, anything the Pack knew, was the Volturi's for the taking. They had no need of torture. One touch, and Aro would know everything.

No, they had no need of torture, but they'd torture anyway, just to keep Jane happy. Jasper saw the Volturi as hard but fair keepers of the peace—like the Roman Empire, which they secretly ruled, and which fell when they decided to stop concerning themselves overmuch with the affairs of men. Jake saw them as monsters. I could see Jasper's viewpoint, but I sided more with Jake.

Shortly after my friends left, Edward got a call from Alice. Cell phones are not really designed for vampires; the volume controls are not fine enough to turn them down to where nearby vampires can't overhear.

"Edward," she said, "I'm worried about Jacob."

I grabbed the phone away from Edward. "What? What is it, Alice?" I asked frantically.

Alice sighed. "Oh, Bella," she said, "I didn't want to worry you. Try to remember that you're hyper-emotional right now, because you're a newborn and a new mother."

"What is it Alice!?" I shouted.

"I just can't see him," she said. "I'm with Quil and Claire right now, so I should be able to see his future through his connection to Claire, but I can't. I can see Sam. I see him going to a council meeting tomorrow. He plans to oppose letting us move to La Push. I should be able to see Jacob better than Sam because I know him better. But I can't. I can't see him at all. So I worried."

I worried too. I looked over at Edward, and he stared off into space in the general direction of La Push. He stared for a long time before he finally said. "Oh, there he is. He's on his way back."

I let out a deep breath in relief. Edward stared again, or maybe listened is a better word, for about a minute. Then he looked at me and said, "Jacob is no longer part of the Pack."

"He's become a lone wolf."


	22. Lessons

**22. Lessons**

Jacob looked awful. He didn't say two words to us when he got home. He just went straight to the shower. When he got out, he still looked... hollow, like someone who just lost his best friend. I recognized that look. I shivered at the memory. Bad memories are even worse when you see them reflected on the faces of the ones you love. I hugged Jacob, as much for my own warmth as for his; though I would never feel physically cold again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. But I guess I gotta. Lemme eat something first though. Do you know when Quil'll be back?"

"They're on their way. They shouldn't be more than an hour; though I'm sure he'll make Alice drive slow with Claire in the car. Actually, I bet Alice made Esme drive. Esme's more patient." I looked to see what we had in the refrigerator.

"Doesn't sound like Jasper's resolution to keep Quil away from Alice lasted very long."

"Oh! Good point. Well, Jasper is..."

"Whipped. Yeah, I know. Hamburgers would be fine."

I sighed. He was as bad as Charlie, though I guess Jacob didn't have to worry too much about cholesterol. I worked as I talked.

"Don't call him whipped just because he's not controlling."

"I don't. I call him whipped because..." He interrupted himself and shook his head. "I'd better not try to banter right now. Attempts at witty are just coming out mean."

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse. Let's wait til after Quil gets back, okay?"

I let him hold a sleeping Renesmee, while I made him hamburgers, fries and a salad. She morphed into Claire when I started making cooking noises. She did that to sleep better. As a pure human, she had only human senses, and sounds didn't bother her as much. Her comfort came at my expense though; the scent of human hit me like I was standing too close to a bonfire when the wind shifted the wrong way. I steeled myself against the assault and tried not to let it bother me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob looking at me with what I took as a mixture of curiosity and approval. "You won't mind the smell of vampire on your burgers?" I asked.

"If I can kiss you, I can eat your food," he said.

I brought him a glass of tea and gave him a brief kiss when I handed it too him. He kissed me back politely, which was the closest thing to an insult Jake had ever given me. He obviously wasn't in the mood for affection, but he didn't look like he wanted to be alone either. So I just kept him company and held Renesmee while he ate.

When the shopping party returned, Alice was the first one through the door. She glared at Jacob as soon as she saw him. "You had me worried," she said in a tone that sounded more aggravated than concerned. She glanced back at Claire, who came in right behind her, followed by Quil. Quil picked the child up, at a signal from Alice, and she looked back and forth between them and Jacob.

"Wonderful. I can't see you at all. Again. Congratulations, Mr. Invisible."

"Sorry." Jacob said in a mumble.

Claire climbed down from Quil's arms and ran towards Jacob, shouting "Unca Ja-!" But she didn't even finish the word. She stopped suddenly in her tracks, and the normally gregarious child turned and ran back to her mother. She gave furtive, almost frightened looks back at Jacob, as if he was a large and scary-looking stranger. Quil crossed the room and he and Jacob looked at each other with sad expressions. It gave me the odd impression that one of them was on a platform and the other was on a departing ship or plane, or maybe like they were looking at each other over a video conference from thousands of miles away – or more.

They were no longer connected to each other. They were only two feet apart, but they seemed less connected than Renee and I would be, talking on the phone. This morning, it had been just the opposite. This morning, they could have been a thousand miles apart and still be more connected than if Renee and I were hugging each other. Poor Claire could sense that something was wrong. She probably couldn't put it into words, but I could. Jacob was no longer part of her pack.

"What happened?" asked Quil.

Jacob sighed. "We got in a fight."

He walked over and sad down on the hearth in the living room. We all gathered around him, some sat in chairs or couches, while others hung back and stood near the walls. I noticed that the Denalis gave the Youngs a very wide berth. But all the vampires waited for Quil and the humans to sit before they did. That was nice of them, I thought. A vampire doesn't mind standing. We mostly just sit out of habit.

I sat next to Jacob so I could comfort him. I couldn't completely understand what he was going through. I've never been telepathically linked to anyone. But I did know what it was like to feel separated from the people I loved. I placed my hand lightly on his, and he twisted his hand around to softly stroke my hand with his fingertips.

In my free arm, I cradled a very tired Renesmee; and she quickly settled down to sleep, phasing into Claire to tune out the noises and scents around her. Irina gave me a wide astonished look when she saw me nuzzle Renesmee as Claire. It took me a moment to understand the look she had on her face. It wasn't just surprise that I was able to do this. It was concern. This woman, who had tried to kill Jacob just a few days ago, was now fearful that I would hurt my daughter. She looked almost as worried as Quil would have been, if it was the real Claire I was holding. Noticing me noticing her, she pursed her lips tightly and deliberately turned her attention back to Jacob.

"Are you hurt?" asked Carlisle.

"Physically? We tore each other up pretty good. But that's nothing. I've caught worse from Paul—before I got too good for him." He allowed himself a faint, satisfied smile before he continued. "He's just totally against you guys coming to La Push. He's almost frantic about it. He tried to forbid me to support it at council."

Quil gasped, and so did I. I was shocked and angry! That was a total abuse of his authority. I hated for anyone to have the kind of power over Jacob that Sam had – or used to have – as Alpha; but for him to abuse it that way was almost unspeakable. Jake could tell how angry I was. He gripped my hand tightly and urged me to look at him.

"Last Sunday was bad, Bella. Real bad. You don't know how close it was." He glanced over at Claire, who was falling asleep in her mother's lap. He lowered his voice and spoke faster, so she wouldn't be able to hear him. "That little scuffle between Quil and Jasper, and me and Alice, was this close to turning into a brawl." He held his thumb and forefinger up, three sixteenths of an inch apart. "You know what that would have done to the humans there, mixed in with the wolves and vamps? To Claire? To Emily? To you? It would've been like bulls fighting in a china shop. And you were the china!"

"But it was just a misunderstanding! Alice wasn't going to hurt her."

"That's not the point!"

He managed to keep his voice down, enough not to wake Renesmee. She stirred a little, then settled back down. Jake took a deep breath then turned to look straight at Alice.

"You know," he said to her, "when you and me were watching Bella, I thought we got to be kind of like friends." Alice shrugged like she didn't want to admit it. "But that's not what stopped me from killing you."

Jasper growled menacingly.

"See? That's the problem! We all have a hard time controlling ourselves at even the slightest threat to our loved ones. Heck, I used to have a hard time keeping myself from phasing whenever I thought about how much danger Bella was in, just from being around me!"

He and Edward shared a knowing look. Edward used to have a similar problem.

"Uh, Jacob," said Alice. "I hate to interrupt, but I should remind you that I almost killed you, not the other way around."

Jake and Quil shared an 'I know a secret' look. Jake said, "You've seen me fight by myself, Alice. But you've never seen me and Quil fight together. Besides, the rest of the Pack was right behind me. But in a way, that's what saved you; when I saw how many people were going to get killed if we fought, I was just barely able to turn my attack into a block. I knocked Jasper and Quil apart then threw my back against you, to push you up against the wall and put myself between you and the Pack. And I got a nasty bite for my trouble." He shot Alice an accusing glance, and she gave a guilty shrug.

Edward had a faraway look, like he was seeing something other than what was right in front of him, which I guess he was. He spoke, and his voice sounded awed, almost frightened. "I see it in his mind, laid out like a four-dimensional story board. He could see how the fight would go almost as well as Alice could—if they hadn't been werewolves. The Pack really can form a single mind, faster and more complex than the sum of it's parts. It can coordinate the moves of a dozen werewolves, like a champion martial artist coordinates his body, and predict the counter-moves of its opponents, like predicting the outcome of a game of tic tac toe. If Jacob hadn't put himself between Alice and the Pack, it would have torn her apart in another heartbeat. And Jasper wouldn't have even slowed it down."

"You've got to be kidding me," said Jasper.

"No, Jasper. He sparred with you for more than a week. He knows your abilities as well as you know his. But you don't know the Pack's. You and Alice were seconds away from death, or at least dismemberment."

"And most of the humans in the room would have been a heartbeat behind them. And they can't be put back together," said Jacob. "I saw it. And so did Sam. It was bad on both of us, but for Sam it was a nightmare! It was like what happened to Emily, only worse. He could see it coming, but he couldn't stop it. He could barely even stop himself, much less the rest of the Pack. We have as hard a time controlling our tempers as you have controlling your thirst. That's why he doesn't want you there; he's so afraid that something like that is going to happen again. He's a hundred times more afraid that he will lose control than he is that one of you will."

"Maybe he's right," said Jasper. "Okay. So I guess I owe Jacob a thank you, maybe an apology. But I'm just now finding out how much danger Alice was in, and I don't like it! I'm on edge right now, even with just the two of them in the room with us. How can I let Alice live in a city surrounded by a whole pack of them? She'll be blind! Helpless!"

"How can you _let_?" asked Alice. And I don't think I've ever heard her sound so cross, especially not at Jasper. She was on edge as much as Jasper was. I even felt it myself, and I wasn't really a part of this one.

It was Jasper's fault, in more ways than one. Not only was he being unreasonable, but he was also projecting his anxiety onto the rest of us. "You know what I mean," he said contritely.

"I know you're being overprotective and controlling and unreasonable. And I know what I've _seen_. This is the best chance we've got, Jas. Yes, I will be mostly blind, especially around the new wolves, before they join the Pack. But I'll be far from helpless. I can handle it, and so can you."

"Son," said Carlisle, "we need you to be at your best here. Your talent improves our chances immeasurably."

"If I can control myself."

"You must," he said firmly. "Jacob, what do we do now? Will the council follow Sam's lead?"

"They respect him. Maybe even more than they respect Dad. There's another emergency council meeting tomorrow night. I guess all we can do is put on our game faces and try to show them that we're committed to making this work."

As soon as our family meeting broke up, I wanted to immediately start practicing how to use the talent that Eleazar and Alice said I must have. They said I must have it, even though neither of them could see it. I blocked Eleazar completely now. He laughed that this was the first time it was ever harder reading someone's talent after she became a vampire than before. And Alice couldn't really see it either. She could only see what she thought were its effects. She had a very clear vision of Jane trying to hurt her and being frustrated. That was a mighty thin thread to hang our lives on, but we didn't see any alternative. And no one had any other plausible explanation for it, so I thought I had better start practicing.

Almost everyone agreed with me – except the four who's opinions mattered most: Carlisle, Esme, Edward and Jacob. They all agreed that there was something else I had to do that was even more important. When Charlie, Renee and Phil came by, on their way to take Phil to the airport, Charlie brought a bunch of scrap books, photo albums and home videos with him. Carlisle had asked Charlie to bring them. He told him that I had run a very high fever, and he wanted to make sure that there was no memory loss. I was a little angry at Carlisle for saying that, it made Charlie frantic! But it was mostly true, so I agreed to go along with it and look at the mementos.

I couldn't believe how much stuff there was! I knew – I had always known – that Mom felt guilty for taking me away from Charlie; and she had tried to make up for it, in part, by saving everything, and I mean everything, and sending it all to Charlie. But I just didn't realize how much there was! And I had no idea that Charlie had kept it all! Jake ant the Cullens were thrilled, of course. But surprisingly, so were the Denali. Carlisle and Esme, of course, played gracious hosts to my parents and my step father. But the others didn't even wait for them to leave before tearing into my stuff.

Emmett and Alice immediately dived into the photo albums, while Rosalie and Jasper looked on with thinly-veiled interest. Edward and Jacob played it cool, each apparently trying to be more self-contained than the other, both knowing they'd get their turns soon enough.

Everyone wanted to play the videos as soon as my parents left. Emmett wanted to play four videos at the same time, which made Jacob scowl. He couldn't concentrate on four at the same time, the way a vampire could. Esme played peacemaker by insisting that I should set my own pace. I, of course, wanted to save myself the embarrassment and watch them alone in the library. But one look at the others' faces, and I had a vision of me, or rather my head, watching from on top of an end table, while the rest of my body was scattered around the room. I decided that the better part of valor was to not try to spoil my vampire family's fun. So we all gathered around to watch Bella's first Christmas, Bella's first steps, Bella's first birthday... Why couldn't I turn invisible? Now that would be a cool power.

We watched them all, one at a time. I hoped the slow pace would make the vampires so bored that they would leave, but no such luck. Apparently, having hundreds of years of free time and being unable to sleep makes movie night pretty exciting, even when the movies are really, really lame. Even Quil and the Youngs watched with us for a while, although they did get bored and tired after about an hour, so they headed to bed. I could see that Jacob was tired too, but he was not about to leave, not with Edward being so attentive.

"Jacob," I said, "if you'll take Renesmee on up to bed, I promise I'll watch them again with you later – alone."

That got him. He took Renesmee and headed upstairs with only the briefest triumphant look at Edward. I cringed inwardly and did not look at Edward, not immediately. I only chanced a look after I heard the door to Jake's room shut. Edward looked back at me expectantly, so I crooked my finger to have him come sit beside me. "If anyone makes a sound, I'm clearing the room," I said, preempting a guffaw from Emmett – and maybe a few others.

We watched the rest of the videos in silence, on two TV's, while Edward and I sat next to each other, holding hands and occasionally chastely kissing. Watching those old, grainy, poorly-shot videos, the strangest thing happened. I actually started to enjoy getting to know little Isabella Swan. She wasn't as kind as Angela, or as brave as Jacob, or anywhere near as beautiful as Renesmee; but I could kind of see, even as a vampire, that this was a human I would have liked to know.

I could not enforce the silence rule when we went through the photos, ribbons, lame trophies, three clay ashtrays, two scrap books and miscellaneous other keepsakes. There were plenty of oos and ahhs and how cutes, as well as more embarrassing comments—mostly but not exclusively from Emmett.

"Now we know where Renesmee gets her good looks from," said Carlisle, when we came to a picture of me at my twelfth birthday party. In the photo, I had a mouth full of wires and a pair of thick glasses. I remembered those. They had taught my teeth to come together right, and my left eye not to be so lazy. And they taught young Isabella Swan to always think of herself as plain.

When we finally put the mementos away and scattered to our own pursuits, Carlisle took me aside and said, "I can hardly believe what a treasure trove your parents have given you. I don't think that any other vampire has ever had such an opportunity to be reminded of her human past. And did you see how interested the Denalis were? Except for Garrett, they've all been vegetarians for over a hundred years, but they've always viewed humans about the way human vegetarians view cows or dogs – recognizing that they have feelings, but not really thinking of them as equals. They have never had a human friend before. They haven't even had any human servants since Viya, over nine hundred years ago. But did you see the interest, the emotion that your childhood memories evoked? Even Garrett, who's only been a vegetarian for less than a week, seemed moved. That's what vampires are missing, Bella—children. It's impossible to connect to humans, to the best of humanity, without children."

Carlisle reminded me of a child himself there, of a child at Christmas. There were three things that Carlisle was passionate about: his family, science and medicine, and his religion. And Carlisle's religion was more than just a belief in God, it was his belief that humans were the children of God. He was positively giddy at the thought of helping other vampires view them that way as well.

I wasn't so sure. I didn't view humanity through the rose-colored glasses Carlisle seemed to wear. But still, I did love my human family, and I cared about my human friends. And if my vampire family got to know them and like them too, then so much the better.

After the trip down memory lane, it was time for mental shield practice. I spent the next four hours trying and failing to protect Edward from Kate's pain touch. I might as well have been trying to 'use the force' to make a cup levitate, for all the good it did. It was so frustrating I was close to tears. And poor Edward! He was the guinea pig: Kate's target, who I was supposed to protect.

Kate started out using her lightest touch – about as painful as a hornet's sting, according to those who've experienced both. I pointed out that none of them had very clear memories of being human, so they might not remember what a hornet's sting felt like. But Emmett just said, "You never forget a hornet sting." After a while, though, she started using a strong 'setting' in order to motivate me more.

I was motivated all right. I wanted to kill her! But it didn't help a thing. When we finally decided to call a halt to the exercise, Edward looked like he'd been waterboarded.

"Next time it's Jake's turn," he said with a shallow breath and a week smile. "Let's see how his lordship handles it."

I frowned, and I started to object, but Edward said, "Just kidding."

"What do you mean?" asked Kate. "I'm sure My Lord Jacob will not try to shirk his duty. And the two of you are both courting Bella, so I know he's not going to let you take all the glory either, or let you get all of Bella's sympathy, for that matter."

Edward shrugged and looked at me guiltily. "We'll take turns," he said. Then he sighed. "Starting this afternoon. He doesn't need to know about early-morning practices. And don't worry. I'll monitor him carefully. I'll make sure he's hurt no worse than I am – less. I know he can't recover as quickly."

I didn't like it. Jake was tougher than a human, but nowhere near as tough as a vampire. And I had already put him through, or been responsible for, a lot of pain lately. But they were right. The only way we could keep Jake from taking his turns would be to hold all of our practices at night, in secret, after Jake went to bed. We couldn't afford to wait that long. I hated even taking the three-hour break my family insisted on. But I couldn't get out of it.

I had to go to school.

That's right. School. It was final exam week, and Carlisle and Esme sided with Charlie and Renee. They all insisted that I take my exams, so I could graduate with the rest of my class next Monday.

I could just scream.

I did not have to mix with the rest of the student population, thank goodness. Carlisle arranged for me to take my exams alone, with just the school councilor, Mrs. Branham, supervising. We stuck with the story that I was severely immune compromised; though, as I later discovered, no one believed it.

I got to school as late as I dared. I could see my classmates looking at me through the windows, as I walked across the parking lot. This was our plan. Let them see the new me from a distance, so that they would not be too shocked by the sudden change later, when they saw me up close. It was kind of like the 'boiling a frog' theory, that if the change was gradual, people wouldn't notice it as much. I understood the plan. It was a sensible plan. A good plan.

When would we start having plans I actually liked?

When I got to Mrs. Branham's room, I pulled my scarf up over my nose. Immune compromised, such a good cover. So clever.

So lame.

"So, did she get like a nose job?" I heard someone ask. The school's interior walls did little to block the sound from my acute hearing. I guessed the conversation to be three rooms away, probably in Mr. Banner's class. That's where Jess and Angela were. I wasn't sure who asked it, though. Not someone in my regular group.

"Nose job?" I recognized Jessica's voice right away. "Face and body job is more like it. Nose, lips, cheeks, skin, boobs and buns. And that's just what I could tell. We're talking the total Heidi Montag! Tell them, Angela."

"Well... she did look... different. In a good way, mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Yeah, well, everything looked – I mean, she looked – great. It just seemed... excessive."

Et tu, Angela?

I wanted to die. No, first I wanted to kill Jessica Stanley and put the fear of God into Angela Webber. Then I wanted to die.

How could Edward stand being able to hear everyone's thoughts? 'Normal' vampire hearing was bad enough! I could hear Jess and Ange from three classes away! I thought back to the first time I saw Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie in the cafeteria. Jess had gossiped about them, telling me how they were all adopted and living together – and not at all like brothers and sisters. I remembered being glad that they couldn't hear us. But in fact, they had heard every word we had said. Seriously, how could they stand it? Of course, the answer was simple. The Cullens didn't care if people gossiped about them. They didn't care what humans thought about them.

I did. I cared about my human friends. I _wanted_ to care about my human friends! But the flip side of that was that I cared what they thought about me.

It would be so much simpler to just eat them.

Which was why Rosalie and Emmett and Jasper were hiding nearby, and why Alice and Edward were concentrating on me very intently, while they took their own exams, in case I snapped. But their being there made it even worse! Okay, I guess Jasper's talent made it a little better, which was probably why Jessica still had all her internal organs. But Rosalie being there definitely made it worse. For one thing, I could hear her snicker.

I had a hard time focusing on my first test. I was about halfway through it when I realized that I had only been at it for about five minutes. I needed to slow down. Way down. It was supposed to be a ninety-minute test. Now it was a race, which would kill me first, the humiliation or the boredom. How did the Cullens do it?

I thought about my 'friends' a few rooms away, and the conclusions they had drawn. Not vitiligo, or leprosy or even AIDS. Nope, just plain old plastic surgery. Who would do that, right after having a baby? Well, maybe. Tie up a few loose ends while you're there, I guess.

I should have laughed. This was perfect. It would keep them safe. I wanted them to be safe; didn't I?

I sighed. Mrs. Branham looked up from her issue of people magazine – one with Heidi Montag on the cover. She smiled at me sympathetically. And she smelled fantastic. I had never been so thirsty. I concentrated on my test with renewed effort. The test was easy. Not killing the sweet old lady who's never said an unkind word to me was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

The fifteen minute break between tests was even worse, nothing to do but be thirsty and practice my self control. I thought about how strange it was that I was so concerned about staying connected to my human friends and family. A year ago I had been practically begging Edward to turn me into a vampire, with every expectation that I would never be able to see my human friends or family again. Of course, I had grown more attached to my friends since then. Most of them, anyway; I think me and Jessica peaked pretty early. But it was more than just growing more fond of them. I had grown... protective of them, possessive even. They were my friends – mine! And no one was going to take them away from me.

It had been the same with Jacob. I didn't realize I was in love with him, until I had to pretend that I didn't – though I did already know that I loved him, with a little el. I tended to appreciate people and things more, if I had to work for them, and even more if someone tried to take them from me. Until Victoria started forcing me to stay away from my friends, I really took them for granted. If things had gone the way I had originally wanted, and I had become a vampire, not because I had to, but just because I wanted to, I imagined that one day I would have idly thought about Angela Webber – only to realize that she must have died a hundred years or so ago.

That wasn't going to happen now. If I somehow made it through the upcoming battle, I was not going to lose my friends. So in a way, I had Victoria to thank for making me care what my friends thought. In a way, I was grateful. In another way, it was one more thing she had to answer for.

"Oh no!" I heard Alice's hushed moan from a couple of classrooms away.

"Oh no!" I heard Edward echo her.

"Jasper," said Alice, "try to keep her calm. It's going to be bad."

I felt a wave of euphoria wash over me. It was the closest thing to being sleepy I had felt since my transformation. I felt calm, but I was still curious what they thought would make me so upset. Obviously, Alice 'saw' one of my friends say something I wasn't going to like. She and Edward were not in the same room with my human friends, but they were monitoring them. I probably should have stuck my fingers in my ears and hummed, but masochist that I am, I strained to listen.

"Yes! I'm serious! She looks more like Edward than she looks like Bella! Doesn't she, Ange? And he totally dotes on her. He has that new-father look, somewhere between being love sick and having a religious experience. It's like he's Joseph holding baby Jesus. Or even Mary holding baby Jesus! Tell 'em Ange. Am I right?"

"Well, sort of. But Jake's about the same way."

"Which is totally weird."

"I think it's sweet. And Jess, you promised you wouldn't give them a hard time about it."

"I'm not! And I didn't promise to ignore it! Don't you think Bella wants us to tell everyone about it, so they're not all shocked when they see her? You know how much she hates attention."

"So it's better to talk about her behind her back?"

"Exactly! Out of sight, out of mind. Anyway, yeah, Jake is like the perfect step father. But there's just no way Nessie's really his."

"I bet she's not Bella's either." That was Lauren, the only member of my circle of friends who I really wouldn't mind running into in a dark alley. I'd probably feel guilty afterwards. But I think I'd get over it.

"What?" Several voices said together. Mine was one of them.

"Think about it. I've never heard of twins with two different fathers – except with canines! And wouldn't Bella have told you last Saturday if she was having twins?"

"So who's do you think she is?" asked Jess.

"Edward's, obviously. Edward and... whoever. He must have knocked some girl up last fall. That would explain why he broke up with Bella – or why she broke up with him. And that's probably why they left town."

"Then why is Bella pretending she's hers?" asked Angela.

"Why's Jake pretending she's his?" Lauren asked rhetorically. "Her real parents don't want her or can't keep her. Bella's just had a baby, so it's easier to just pretend she had two than it is to adopt."

"That still doesn't make sense," said Angela.

I heard fingers snap. "Yes it does!" said Jessica. "What if she's sick? What if Bella was telling the truth about that part? What if the girl's mother can't handle taking care of a very ill – maybe terminally ill – child? Or maybe the mother is sick too."

"That's a mighty big coincidence," said Eric.

"Dummy," said Lauren. "It's not a big coincidence. It's the big A. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

"Oh," Angela gasped. "Oh, that is so sad. But I think you might be right. Bella said the baby was immune compromised. And I remember... Well, I won't repeat it. But I think you might be right." Mercifully, Mr. Banner called the class to order for the second exam.

Trying to think through a problem was a good way to control my anger, so I tried to remember what I might have told Angela to make her say that. Human memories are so fuzzy, but I did remember confiding in Angela last fall or late last summer that Edward wouldn't have sex with me. I really shouldn't have told her that, but I was just so frustrated that I had to confide in someone. And I was more than half hoping that Edward would read her mind and take the hint. I did not tell her why Edward wouldn't sleep with me, of course. But if she had concluded it was something like AIDS, that would make sense, especially with me and the babies all deathly ill.

I tried to soothe my anger and humiliation, by telling myself that the theories they had come up with were better covers than we could have hoped to sell. And then I thought about how even Esme had a few lapses when she was a newborn. Indulging that fantasy for a while helped carry me through my Calculus test. Thinking about my catty 'friends' distracted me so well that I actually made a mistake on one problem. And that irritated me so badly that I scratched through it and corrected it. Then I missed the next two problems on purpose because perfect scores would look suspicious after almost a three week absence. I finished both tests with time to spare, making B pluses on both of them. I could have finished all four tests, so I wouldn't have to come back on Friday, but of course that would have been even more suspicious.

I handed in my calculus test with fifteen minutes to spare, and I headed home before anyone got out of the other classrooms. I liked my classmates too much to seriously wish them harm, and too little to trust myself around them just then.


	23. Changing of the Guard

23 Changing of the Guard

"If you get at one end, and I get at the other, we could crush it like an accordion," said Alice. "Then she'll have to take the Volvo."

"Or your Porsche," said Rosalie.

Alice's cheerful expression turned to horror. It was not a look she pulled off well; the twinkle in her eyes gave her away.

"Don't even think about it," I threatened. "I love my truck. It has character, and sentimental value. You'll probably be bored with that Porsche in a week."

"Already am," Alice sang. "But at least it doesn't embarrass me, or leave rust stains on my dress."

I glared as I got into my truck. Jake rolled his eyes and got in on the passenger side, and Rosalie reluctantly handed him Renesmee. She scrunched her nose as she did it. It was ridiculous for her do that – pretending to be offended by Jacob's scent – while holding Renesmee, in her Carlie form. Any unbiased vampire would have to admit that Carlie and Jake smelled about the same.

Of course, Rose was anything but an unbiased vampire. "If you're going to insist on having my niece ride in that deathtrap, you should at least have her change to Nessie. She's tougher that way."

Jacob barely acknowledged her, as he took Renesmee and set her in his lap. Rosalie shrugged and didn't push it.

"See you in and hour, Rose. Don't be late. You either Alice." I practically shouted that last, over the roar of my truck's engine, as I drove off. I didn't need to shout, of course. Just habit. And it's a good way to end a conversation, especially when it's accompanied by the sounds of a very loud engine and tires tearing through gravel. I started to complain to Jacob that he should not be so rude to Rosalie. He knows it hurts her feelings if he doesn't tease her back. But one look at his weary face and I decided to leave him alone. I even resisted the urge to ask if he was okay again. I had already asked twice, and three times crosses the line from concern to nagging.

The afternoon practice had been very rough on Jacob. For five solid hours I tried to cover him with my imaginary shield, while he faced Kate and her pain touch. True to his word, Edward had taken his share of the torture, maybe more than his share. And Kate's pain touch didn't affect Jacob's wolf form quite as much as it did a vampire – maybe because werewolves and vampires operate on different 'mental frequencies,' or because werewolves are just better at handling pain. Either way, Kate never even managed to knock Jakob to the ground. But he didn't recover from it nearly as quickly as a vampire did either. Two hours later, he was still a wreck.

We drove to the council meeting early, to get there before the rest of the Vampires. That would give us a chance to visit a little before the meeting and hopefully change a few minds. Jake and I thought we had a better chance if the three of us could warm up the crowd before the other vampires got there. No matter how peaceful and even friendly the Cullens and Denali were, the Quileute, and especially the Pack, still saw them as something alien and frightening. Would they see me the same way? I hoped not. And I couldn't believe that they would. If Me and Jake and Renesmee got there early, showed them that I was still me, and that we were still a family, it might help. It couldn't hurt.

Well, it could hurt, but the odds were with us.

Billy was already there. So was Sue Clearwater, Sam and Emily, and Elizabeth Young. Elder Young was also Emily's Aunt. The two of them were standing in a loose circle with Sam, a few yards away from Sue and Billy. Council meetings on the res were always a bit like family reunions. I refrained from listening in on their conversations; I tried to respect other people's privacy, even though I didn't seem to have any of my own.

Billy smiled brightly as soon as he saw us. "Jake. Bring my granddaughter over here." he greeted us warmly, "You look good, Isabella. You had us worried."

That was evident in the small creases around his eyes. But I wondered which had been the greater worry: that I would not survive the transformation to become a vampire, or that I would survive the transformation – and become a vampire. I took his offered hand and bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek. He only stiffened a little. I smiled, as I remembered having the same reaction the first time Alice kissed me, the first time I visited the Cullen's. Billy was handling this much better than most people would, better than I had any right to expect.

I stepped back a little, and took a good look at Jake's father, Renesmee's grandfather. He didn't look much like the strong, handsome man who was in a few of the photos Charlie gave me. The accident that took his wife and the use of his legs had taken a lot out of him. The years had taken more. But his quiet strength remained. Jake had inherited some of that. He too could project an aura of quiet strength – when he wasn't acting like a sixteen year old.

"Son, you look like something the cat drug in. You'd better hand me that little girl before her weight makes you keel over."

"Yeah, rough practice today." Jake handed him Renesmee, who looked happy to see her Granddaddy.

"You've been pushing yourself non-stop for two weeks, Jake. You can't keep this up for two months," he said, gently bouncing his smiling granddaughter in his arms. She had phased into Nessie the first time the car hit a pothole on the ride over, but now she was Carlie again. She seemed to prefer her Carlie form when she was relaxed and happy, and when she played with Claire, even though Nessie was stronger and almost inexhaustible. But she preferred Nessie when she was nervous or was trying to figure something out, and when she played with her aunts.

"I'll try to pace myself," Jake said seriously, but without much conviction.

"Sorry, Billy," I added. "Things have just been coming at us so hard and fast. I'll make sure he does."

Billy nodded and turned his attention to Renesmee. He said something to her in Quileute, in deep and rich tones that sounded very formal, and even a bit ominous. But he ended his speech with a playful grab at her nose, which he pretended to gobble up noisily, making Renesmee squeal in laughter. I smiled uncertainly. I couldn't make out much of it, but there was something about Carlie and Nessie – and Edward? I looked at Jacob for a translation.

"He said, 'your grandfather loves his granddaughter. He loves Carlie, and he loves Nessie too. But if you turn into Edward while he is holding you, he will bite off your nose – and eat it.' It's much lovelier in the original Quileute."

"Yeah."

I left Renesmee with Billy and wandered over to chat with the others, especially Sam and Emily. Sam was polite to me but very formal, and he was not inclined to strike up a conversation. Emily was a little more friendly but also very nervous.

"Emily, you haven't seen Renesmee since she was born, have you?"

"No, I..."

"Would you like to hold her? If we can get her grandfather to stop monopolizing her, that is."

"Oh. Uh, sure."

I led her over to Jake and Billy and Renesmee. I refrained from taking her hand and pulling her, but she followed without much prodding. Sam stayed right by her side, looking nervous and protective. I didn't know whether to be mad or just hurt. It pained me even more to watch Emily taking Renesmee from Billy. She looked like she might have been taking a baby porcupine or even a rattlesnake. Renesmee picked up on her nervousness right away, and phased back to Nessie. Emily was so startled, I was afraid she might drop her.

"Em, it's alright," said Jacob. He placed one hand lightly on her arm to steady her and stroked Renesmee's back with his other. "Do you need me to take her?"

"No," Emily protested. She hugged Renesmee fiercely, and I saw tears running down her face. "Oh Jacob, I'm so sorry. You have a lovely family. Nessie is beautiful. And I'm behaving just awful!"

"Em, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I was late. Being really stressed sometimes messes up my cycle. I'm not pregnant, but I'm just so – freaked. It's something I thought I was ready for, you know? Having gifted children – supernatural children. I thought I was ready, and then I saw her turn into Rosalie Cullen's double, and I almost fainted! And now... You darling, adorable child," she cooed to the tiny bundle she was holding.

Renesmee didn't seem to know what to make of her at first, but then she started giggling and grasping at Emily with her chubby fingers. Emily responded by biting at the tiny hands with her lips covering her teeth. And it was exactly as it should be.

"We do plan to keep the vamps away from pregnant women and young children, Em," Jacob said.

"That's only part of the problem, Jacob, though a big part," said Sam. "But we might as well wait for council to be in session before we get into that again."

It was just a few minutes later when the rest of the council and the wolf pack started arriving. The other werewolves all reacted to Jacob much like Quil had. They looked at him almost the same way they looked at me. It was as if we had both become vampires. We had separated ourselves from the tight-knit family of the Pack and become something... alien.

All his former pack brothers had about the same reaction. But his pack sister, that was another matter. The look she gave Jacob was hard to read, like she was curious, troubled, interested? It puzzled me. The look she gave me was simpler. It was pure venom. Did I have a potential rival in Leah? I stifled a low growl that I felt growing deep in my throat.

What a hypocrite I was! Was I going to run her off and then choose Edward after all? It was one more thing that I just couldn't think about right then. Putting Leah as far out of my mind as I could, I turned away to try to schmooze another council member.

A minute after six, I turned to Jake and whispered, "I wonder why the Cullens aren't here yet. It's not like them to be late."

"Things were going so well, I asked Edward to give us a few more minutes," Jake whispered, tapping his temple. "It's easy for everyone to see that you're not a monster, because you're so obviously a good mother."

"No, Bella is most definitely not a monster." Sam's voice sounded clearly above the murmur of the room. Though he spoke only slightly louder than the surrounding voices, they all quieted down as soon as he began speaking. His voice was the human equivalent of an alpha wolf's. It might not be able to compel us to act, the way it could with his wolf pack, but it compelled us to listen.

"Bella is Emily's and my friend. She is welcome in our home any time. And I would very much like to have Carlisle and Esme to visit some time, and the other peaceful vampires as well. I hope that we can strengthen our treaty with friendship. But a few at a time, please! As much as I like Bella, I am struggling with my instincts even now. When the others get here, it will be even harder. It shames me that I have to struggle so. But when I am surrounded by vampires it puts everyone around me in danger. I was foolish not to admit it before; pride was one reason. But the close call last Sunday forces me to admit it now. We're not all as strong as Jacob."

While he talked, the Cullens, and the Denali came quietly into the room. Quil came right behind them, followed by the Youngs.

Sam barely even glanced at the vampires. He turned to Emily and touched her scarred face tenderly, lovingly. His voice broke with pain and sorrow, "I did this." He was quiet for a time. He looked at Emily, and his face colored in shame.

She looked back at him, but the look on her face was not forgiveness. She had already done that a long time ago. The look in her eyes was sorrow that he still hadn't forgiven himself. Sam looked away from her and over to Carlisle.

"Dr. Cullen, it's all I can do to control myself, when you and yours are around. And I do not just mean that I might lose control and attack you. I mean I might lash out at anyone at the slightest provocation. There is a violent aspect to my nature that I have to constantly struggle to control, and your very presence puts me on edge and pushes that control to its limit."

"I understand, Samuel. In that way, your nature is not so different from ours. It's harder for some and easier for others. But all of us struggle with it for a time. I had to stay away from humans completely for my first three years. I lived like an animal in the woods. And you are all still very young."

"Well," Sue Clearwater spoke crisply, bringing everyone's attention to her. "It seems we've already gotten to the crux of the problem. I'd like to call this meeting to order and see if we can come up with any solutions." She quickly got everyone settled and called on Sam to pretty much take up where he left off.

"I don't think we will all be able to control ourselves for long, with so many vampires around. People are going to get hurt or killed, and knowing that will only make it worse for us, put us even more on edge."

Sue nodded and turned to Jake. "Jacob, how has it been for you, staying at the Cullens?"

Jake looked nervously at me before he answered. "Well, I'm completely at ease with Bella – probably better than before because I'm not always worrying that I'm going to hurt her or that one of them is. And, one on one, I'm okay with the others too. I mean, the fact is, we've sort of become friends. But I have to admit that the Cullen's house still makes me nervous. It's not a rational fear, more like a phobia. It's a little like flying. I mean, I few to Hawaii last summer, to visit Rachel, and I was really nervous at first. But after a few hours I got used to it."

"Quil?"

"Claire keeps me calm, mostly," said Quil, and he shrugged.

I understood. Renesmee did the same for me.

"It's different for you, man!" Jared spoke out of turn, but Sue just shrugged and nodded his way. She was getting to the rest of the pack anyway. "It's like the witch girl said. You've put yourself on hold for a while. Sure, the imprint means I love Kim more than any man's ever loved a woman, but we're still only human. We still have tensions. And when I'm on edge... I've snapped at her before, I mean really snapped at her! And I don't ever want to do that again."

The other members of the Pack murmured in agreement. I looked from face to face of the other members of the Pack. A week ago they were almost like family to me. Would they ever be again? I still thought of them as Jake's brothers. I didn't want to feel estranged from them. But that was the way I felt, to put it mildly. I saw Seth staring into his lap, too embarrassed to look at us. This was not going well. And Embry, Embry was shaking!

I wasn't the only one to notice Embry. "He's about to lose it, Jasper. Can't you help?" Edward was sitting just a few seats away from me, and he whispered that so softly that even I could barely hear it. But Embry heard it. The wolves all hate the very idea of Edward or Jasper 'getting in their heads.' His head jerked to look first at Edward then at Jasper. His lips pulled back from his teeth, and he made a low feral growl. Then a look of horror came over him, and he darted from the room, looking like he was about to throw up.

An instant later I heard the distinctive poof of a werewolf phasing. That was followed by a loud splash. The council lodge was on the edge of town. It overlooked the bay. Embry had apparently decided to cool off.

"Samuel, you did not stage that for our benefit, did you?" asked Sue.

Sam silently shook his head, and the looks on both Edward's and Jasper's faces said that he was telling the truth. This was a disaster!

"Well," said Sue, "I think we've determined that oil and water do not mix. Does anyone have any more bright ideas."

I sure didn't. I was fresh out. Jake growled angrily under his breath, "Embry..."

"He couldn't help himself Jacob," said Jasper. "Sometimes all ya can do is put some distance 'tween yourself and whatever's makin' ya crazy."

Jake nodded in frustration. Then something occurred to him. "That's what we have to do." He said softly, Then he stood up and said more loudly, "There's really only one thing we can do. Put some distance between the wolves and the vamps. The Pack has to leave for a while."

"What!?" I'm not sure who all shouted it. Almost everyone.

"It's the only way," Jake said. "If you all stay, there are going to be fights. Someone is going to get hurt. Besides, if our theory's right, the fewer of us here, the faster more wolves will be born. It's like there's a balance – like a chemical equation. The more vamps there are, the more wolves are made to balance them. Take most of the wolves out, and new ones should pop up to take their place."

"You expect us to leave town with an army of vampires on its way here, and leave fourteen vampires here with no one to watch them?!" Sam looked like _he_ was about to lose it.

"Sam..." Jake pleaded, "You'll be back before the battle. Quil and I will be here. We'll..." He was going to say more, but he could see that the words would be lost on Sam. "Please, Sam. Please." his voice dropped to a whisper. "I want my people to live."

"Who are your people, Jacob?"

"You are, Sam. You and Dad and Rachel and Renesmee and Bella too. The rest of the vamps, they're not my family, but they are my allies. And some of them are my friends, too. I've grown to trust them. You can trust them too, Sam. Or, if you can't trust them, you can trust me."

Sam scowled at Jacob. The two men stared each other down for several long seconds. Finally, Sam turned his head to look at Sue Clearwater. "This could all be a trick."

Sue shook her head. "You don't really believe that, Samuel."

"I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Then it comes down to trust. Haven't they earned it? Hasn't Jacob?"

"Trust? Two weeks ago, that one was murdering people!" he accused, pointing to Garrett.

Garrett stared back at him defiantly. His expression managed to somehow look sympathetic, without looking apologetic. I wondered what was going through his mind. Was he the Lion King facing the prince of the gazelle, or a serial killer facing the families of his victims? I regretted the question as soon as I thought it, because one thing was certain – I did not want to know the answer.

It was Jacob who finally broke the silence. "We can't undo what's been done. But Garrett is committed to fighting with us. And there's a real good chance he'll die for us. He's putting his life on the line, when he could just walk away. What else can he do, Sam? What else do you want?"

"I want to be sure! I want to know he's not going to kill my friends or my family!"

"We'll keep an eye on him. I promise, me and Quil. Sam, you've got to trust us. Trust me."

Sam looked from Jacob to the the rest of his Pack, or to his Pack – Jacob was no longer part of it. Reluctantly, my eyes followed his, afraid of what I would see. But what I saw there touched me to my core and made me swell with pride. The looks on their faces said it all. Even though he was no longer part of their Pack, they all trusted Jacob, even Sam. Especially Sam. Only Collin and Brady, the Pack's newest members showed even the slightest doubt.

Finally, Sam asked, "Where should we go?"

"Miami is vampire capital of America – not counting us," Emmett offered. "The Sunshine State is overcast more often than not." Everyone turned to look at him. "What? You wouldn't want them to get fat and lazy would you? Besides, if they didn't have any vamps around, they might start turning human again."

Sam tilted his head and considered that. "I... don't think it works that way. Still, the boys could use a change of scenery." He sighed. "I shudder to think what airline tickets will cost at this late date."

"Well," said Alice. "Isn't it lucky..." She fanned herself with a handful of Northwestern tickets – first class, of course. "Your flight's at five thirty, tomorrow evening. You'll want to be at the airport by four."

I heard Esme whisper to someone behind me, "She _is_ one scaaary little monster."


	24. The Bella I Like Best

24. The Bella I Like Best

Shield practice was not going well. Actually, it wasn't going at all. We got back to it, right after school let out on Friday, and we kept at it for the next five hours without a break. Again and again, Kate would stalk Jacob or Edward to send him howling in pain with her cruel magic touch. Again and again, I vainly tried to figure out some way to stop her. Nothing. I had no idea what I was doing, besides torturing the men I loved. Well, what else was new?

It was worse for Jacob than it was for Edward even though Edward had pulled this duty all night and part of the morning as well. Edward recovered much more quickly than Jacob did. Give him a few minutes to shake it off, and he was as good as new. He could keep it up all day if he had to. But, guessing that Edward had been at it all night, Jacob insisted on taking the brunt of it this afternoon. After five hours, Jacob looked more dead than alive. In his giant wolf form, he looked like a PETA poster, making us all aware of animal cruelty. It even made me dread having to hunt again. The day before, I loved hunting. Now the thought of it almost made me nauseous. But, like it or not, I couldn't put that chore off much longer.

Jasper made us take a break at five twenty five. His ability to read people's moods made him even better than Edward at telling when Jake was pushing himself too hard. Jake collapsed on the ground in his wolf form and panted heavily while he recovered. I brought him a jug of Gatorade and laid a thin blanket over him so that he wouldn't have to go behind a bush when he was ready to change back to human.

As I tended to Jacob, I heard Edward a ways behind me, talking softly to Kate. It sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth. "Don't even think it; she's not even a week old yet, for crying out loud." I held myself perfectly rigid, as anger washed over me. Jacob didn't react. Exhausted and panting heavily, he must not have heard Edward. I think that was the only thing that kept me from lunging at Kate – not wanting to upset Jacob, when he was already at his very limit.

Kate sighed. "I know, I know. But Edward, I want her to live to see her first year! And a little physical pain is nothing. It..."

"Let's you know you're alive. I'm well aware of your philosophy there. But Kate..."

Edward was interrupted by a loud plaintive whine from Jacob. I didn't think Jacob had heard their conversation; this was something else.

"What is it, Jake? Where does it hurt?" I knelt beside Jacob and lightly stroked his massive frame. I felt so incredibly – useless. Edward let out a quick derisive snort.

In a flash, I twisted on my heels to face him in a defensive crouch. "Don't you dare laugh at him, Edward Cullen! Everyone has limits!" He looked so shocked at my reaction that I didn't even bother to try to stare him down. I just turned back around and wrapped my arms around Jacob. I lightly kissed his fur, as I willed his suffering away. This was unfair of me, a breach of the delicate protocol the three of us had established. But right that minute, I just didn't care! Jacob was hurting. And I wanted it to stop.

"Bella!" Edward pleaded. "I wasn't... I mean, he wasn't whining because of any physical pain. He was... It was just..." He chucked again. "Someone missed her flight!"

Edward let out a sharp quickly-suppressed laugh, and Jake's whine turned into a low growling moan.

"What?" I asked.

"Leah," said Edward choking back more chuckles. "Leah Clearwater has joined Jacob's Pack."

Jake let out another, even louder, almost-human sound of pain and frustration.

"Oh, come on Jacob," Edward chided, "it can't be that bad. After all..."

"Jacob, what are you thinking?"

His sudden shift in tone took me by surprise. Jake and I both looked up in confusion.

"I... can't tell what Jacob is thinking. Bella, you're doing it! You're shielding Jacob's Thoughts! Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"

What? I couldn't think of anything I was doing that I hadn't been doing earlier.

"And now it's gone," Edward said, disappointed. "But Bella, you had it. Try to think what you just did."

What had I just done? Jacob was hurting, and I tried to comfort him. I tried to hug him, but in his werewolf form he was too big for me to get my arms around him. And I didn't dare hug him very hard anyway. If I forgot myself, I could easily break his ribs or his back. But mentally, I had wrapped myself around him, swaddling him with my love.

"That's it!" Edward exclaimed.

And of course that made me lose it again.

But I had it. I could kind of see what I was doing. It was as if, for the past two days I had been trying to master riding a bicycle – by myself, with no one to tell me how, no one around who even knew what a bicycle was; I'd just heard somewhere that you're supposed to be able to ride them. Finally, after many skinned knees and broken spokes, I had managed to keep it up a few seconds and peddle a few strokes. I hadn't mastered the skill yet, but I had some idea what I was trying to do. I had something I could practice.

The next few hours were much better. Oh, they were frustrating. Very frustrating, with lots of set backs. But when we decided to call a halt to the session at ten o'clock, I could see that I had made real progress. And when we did call a halt, it was because I was tired. Tired! That was something I didn't think I'd ever feel again. I wasn't physically tired, of course. I could still have run a marathon or three, if I wanted to. But mentally, I had just worked out some psychic muscles I didn't know I had this afternoon – and that didn't even exist a week ago.

"It's about to rain," said Alice, as we relaxed after the last session.

"Duh," said Jacob, wiping a droplet of water off his cheek. "Your psychic powers told you that, did they?"

Alice punched him in the arm just hard enough to elicit an 'ouch'. "Don't make me feel worse than I already do. I can't believe I bought too many tickets."

"I can't believe you bought the tickets last Sunday! This whole week, with all the worry and uncertainty we've been through, you knew the whole time that the Pack was going to go to Miami?"

"Oh no. It isn't like that," Alice corrected him. "At least it usually isn't. When Claire jumped into Quil's arms last Sunday, and I could suddenly see the Pack's future, I could see many futures, all of them jumbled around, and none of them all that clearly. There was no unbroken chain of events leading up to them getting on a plane. In fact, I never saw them get on the plane at all, until this afternoon. But I saw them with tickets, and the fact that I could see the tickets so clearly meant that the tickets had to be important. So I bought some."

Jake and I shook our heads in amazement. It still amazed the others too, but after fifty years or so, they were pretty jaded about it.

"So..." said Jacob, "since you guys are free to come to First Beach now, who's up for cliff diving?"

"In this weather?" I asked.

"We do it all the time. The stormier the night, the better. We don't get cold, and if we didn't want to get wet, we wouldn't go cliff diving. Besides, humans won't see us doing impossible leaps."

It turned out, everyone wanted to go – except the Youngs, of course. They did get cold. And Quil didn't want to leave them, so he offered to babysit Renesmee. I appreciated that; Renesmee didn't need to be out this late. And even if she was as immune to cold as Jake or I was, I would have objected to her being out in this weather on general principles. Esme and Carlisle decided to stay home as well. So did Carmine and Eleazar.

I suggested that Quil spend the night in my room, to be close by if Renesmee needed anything. I did not say, but I suspected, that one reason Carlisle and Esme wanted to stay home was that this would be their last night in their own home for a while. And my room was soundproof.

"Jake, do you want to invite Leah to join us?" I asked. "That would be polite."

Jake was already in wolf form, so Edward answered for him. "He's asking, just to be polite. But there's no way she'll say yes. She hates us. Why does...? Ouch! Oh, my; that is awful. Let's just say she has better reasons than most. Jacob, are you sure she can be trusted? Hmmm, well alright. I guess you would know."

Leah's tale was a very sad one. She and Sam were deeply in love before Sam imprinted on Emily. Even worse, Leah and Emily were cousins and best friends, almost like sisters. Ouch indeed. It wasn't the vampires' fault, not really. It was the magic's. But the vampires were the trigger for the magic, maybe its source. If they – we – hadn't come here, she and Sam would be living happily ever after. I took a look over at Jake. Then I looked at Edward, and I took a moment to let myself think about might-have-beens – and quickly decided that wasn't such a good idea. A nice swim would do me good. We all raced to our rooms to grab our bathing suits.

"Alice! You got me new bathing suits, but they're all too small! I guess having a little werewolf in my belly really did mess up your vision, huh?"

"No. Those are exactly your size."

"These are my old size, pre-pregnancy and pre-vampire."

My stomach had gone back to pre-pregnancy size, maybe even flatter, but other parts had stayed a bit fuller than they had been before I got pregnant. Another perk (so to speak) of becoming a vampire.

Alice sighed. "Don't be silly, Bella. These are perfect."

"Maybe I can borrow something from Rosalie. She's bustier than I am."

"Yes she is," Alice agreed. "But her bathing suits are even smaller. Rosalie is proud of her body."

I glared at her, but she just made chicken-clucking noises. Angrily, I put on the blue bikini. Then I put shorts on over it, and a shirt – tied, not buttoned. I wasn't sure whether I would take the shorts and shirt off later or not. But there was no way I was running all the way to First Beach in just a bikini. I put Jake's trunks and a change of clothes for both of us in a backpack and slung it over my shoulder. I didn't want Jake to have to wear a bag tied to his ankle.

We raced to the cliffs just north of First Beach. Jasper, Tanya, Garrett and Emmett wanted to test their speed against Jacob's, but it was no contest. Jake left us all in the dust (to be precise, the mud). I thought Edward might want to test himself against Jacob; he was the fastest vampire I knew. But he stayed close to me and let Jasper and Tanya vie for second. He gave me an innocent smile when I looked at him. If I could have blushed, I would have.

I saw Jacob's wolf form careen off the cliff from about a mile away. And he still got back up to the top before the rest of us got there. Boy, was he fast!

I handed Jacob his trunks, and we turned away from him to let him phase human and put them on. I was the last one to take off my outer clothes. I couldn't help it; I was intimidated! Everyone else looked magnificent. On an intellectual level, I knew that I would look just as good or almost as good to them, but still... I might have swam in shorts and shirt if it weren't for Alice and Rosalie's smirks.

"Do you mind?" Edward asked Jacob angrily.

"Sorry!" His innocent grin made him look sorry. But not very.

"Jacob, you did promise to try to control your thoughts in Edward's presence," I reminded him.

"I am trying! It's just that I've only ever seen you swimming once before – not counting pulling your half-drowned body out of the surf. So the image naturally popped into my head." His tone made it obvious that the image that had popped into his head was a pleasant one.

I had to think back for a second. It was always a bit like pushing through a wall, whenever I tried to remember things from before my transformation. Oh yeah, the crystal-clear pond at Love Grotto. Oops. Edward didn't need to see that, especially not through the lens of Jacob's mind.

Vampires can't blush. The phantom heat on my cheeks was just the memory of a blush. No one could see it. But somehow everyone seemed to know it was there. Everyone chuckled. Everyone except Emmett. He guffawed. I glared at Alice. I had only ever told even the abridged version of that story to one other person.

"What? No! Bella! They're just good guessers."

Another phantom blush. Another round of chuckles.

"Still, Jacob," said Garrett in a jocular tone, "that is inexcusable. How could you dwell on the past, with such beauty right in front of you?"

Jake's smile vanished, and his lips formed a tight line. If I was embarrassed, Jacob was mortified. His face drained of blood. His eyes darted to me for just a second, then away, then back, to look at me with all the love in his heart – love, but also sadness. Finally, like a child on a stage who has completely forgotten his lines, he turned on his heels and dove into the water far below us.

Rosalie answered Garrett's confusion, while the Cullens and I pretended not to hear her explanation. "We don't look beautiful to Jacob; we look terrible, like crystal monsters. I think it's a little like with Sam and Emily. To Jacob, Bella's face is a mass of scars. But he doesn't see them – unless someone points them out."

"Ouch," said Garrett.

"Ouch," said my heart.

I dove in to the water just a few feet from Jacob and came back up right beside him. The idiot started to apologize. I kissed him briefly then pushed him down into the water before swimming away. I let Jacob catch me and pull me down, so he could get out of the water ahead of me. I let him get a good head start. He was about a third of the way up the hill before I got out of the water. But in his human form he was no match for me. Going up a steep hill slowed him a lot, and slowed me not at all. I beat him to the top by a yard and a half.

That was one of the best evenings, the most fun I'd had in a long time. The eleven of us dived and swam and sat on the rocks and chatted, all together or in mix-and-match groups. The cold rain was quite comfortable to me. I quickly grew to enjoy it. And the white noise was soothing and didn't hinder our conversation in the slightest. No wonder the Cullens liked Forks.

I notice Irina sitting a bit apart from the others. I caught Jake's eye and nodded my head in her direction. I thought she might still be feeling guilty about trying to kill Jacob a week ago – and well she should. But if she was going to risk her life for us, especially for Jacob and Renesmee, then I wanted her to know that she was forgiven. Jacob took the hint and decided to see if she was alright. He was maturing every day. "Irina, you're awful quiet. Aren't you enjoying yourself?"

Irina smiled wanly. "No, not really. I guess I'm not ready for this sort of thing yet. I'm still mourning."

That was awkward, considering Jacob was one of the ones who killed her lover.

"I'm sorry," said Jacob. She looked at him sharply.

"I mean... I'm not apologizing for doing what I had to do, what I thought was right. But I'm sorry for your loss, sorry for your pain. And I'm sorry I didn't say that before now. I should have."

Irina nodded, and her smile lost some of its wanness.

"So why didn't you stay back and watch the kids?" asked Jacob. Then he slapped his head and gave a Homer Simpson 'doh'. "I guess folks could use some privacy once in a while, huh?"

"No," she corrected him, "that wasn't it. We're used to having very little privacy. Even without people like Edward and Alice around, our senses are so good it's not really practical. We can't always get miles away whenever we want to be with our mates, not even in Alaska. Privacy is one of the not-so-little things we have to sacrifice, unless we want to live as nomads and hermits."

"Tell me about it. Try sharing a pack mind with your sister's imprint. Blech!"

That had been a shocker. Rachel had been planning to work half the summer in Waikiki before Billy called her home early because of the impending danger. But when she got here, Paul saw her; and that was it. Jake said that the up side was it made it a lot easier for him to abstain from phasing. I imagine so!

"Could have been worse," I said. "Could have been Leah."

"I can't believe you even said that." Then he shivered and shook himself all over. We laughed.

Irina was quiet for a moment, then spoke again. "Something you just said: why didn't I watch the kids? You would be... comfortable, with me watching Renesmee?"

"Yeah, well, you know. I mean, on the one hand, you were trying to kill me a week ago; but on the other hand, you're really putting it on the line for us now! Edward says we can trust you; and well, what with the imprint and all, I can't question that Edward cares about Renesmee. He wouldn't let anything hurt her. And he's known you for like a hundred years – and he can read your mind! So... yeah. I mostly trust you. Besides, if you were going to hurt her, haven't you had plenty of opportunities? I'm sure she sits in your lap as much as anyone's, right?"

"I... would not presume," she said shyly.

"Oh! Uh, Bella? You don't mind if Irina holds Renesmee once in a while do you?"

It was the sort of question you're not supposed to ask, with the person in question sitting right there. But with the answer so obvious, I didn't bother to point that out. "Of course not. Irina, the Denali are part of our family. You're part of the Cullens' family, and you're Jake's... pack. I had no idea that you didn't feel welcome. I'm sorry." Irina beamed at us. The woman was a thousand years old, and she still acted like a shy teenager. Maybe it was just an act, but it was a very, very good one.

I was glad that we made her smile. I was glad to have her as a part of my family. I would, of course, watch her very carefully, and ask Edward, Jasper and Alice to keep an eye on her too. I doubted anyone alive – or otherwise – could fool all three of them.

Saturday was our last day at the Cullen's house for a while. I was sad to be leaving it, but of course we had to get to La Push. After the cleansing rain the night before, we couldn't ask for a prettier day for moving. Renee and Charlie were visiting, and it was a nice day for that too.

"Are you sure you don't want me and Charlie to help with the move, Bella?" asked Renee. They had no idea why we were all going to stay in La Push for a few weeks, but they didn't pry. They assumed, correctly, that it had something to do with the end of the long-running feud between the Quileute tribe and the Cullen family. And that, in turn, had a lot to do with the little girl(s) who were, legally at least, the granddaughters of both William Black and Carlisle Cullen.

"No. Mom. We have plenty of strong backs."

"I'll say! Emmett and Jacob look like they could move a whole house by themselves! But we still feel guilty not helping."

I suppressed a grin. I wondered what she'd say if I told her that, strong as Jacob was, all of the Cullens and all of the Denali were much stronger – even Alice and Irina – and that I was the strongest person in the house, until the newborn vigor wore off. Jacob and Emmett could move a house; Emmett and I could move a mansion.

"You're helping by watching the kids," I said. "Or at least Charlie is."

We looked out the window at him. When he wasn't reading his newspaper, he watched Claire and Renesmee playing on the ground in front of him. Charlie was a whiz at surveillance. Somehow, he always looked up whenever one of them started to wander off. Renesmee was in her Carlie form now, her more rambunctious form. As we watched, she stood up and walked over to Charlie to give him a doll she had been playing with. She loved to show or give things to adults, it was her way of saying she liked you.

Touched as I was at the affection she showed her grandfather, I inwardly cringed to see her walk so steadily. Walking, even unsteadily, was way too precocious for a child her age – unnaturally so. I didn't want her doing thing like that around normal people, not even her grandparents. Especially not her grandparents, because I didn't want the Volturi to have any excuse to go after them. We had convinced her not to do any transformations in front of them, but there was no stopping her from being precocious. She was already toddling around, and had even said 'Bewa' and 'Jate' and 'Bwudsucka'.

Ironically, keeping her from exhibiting preternatural abilities was a little easier with Nessie than with Carlie. Nessie was usually calm and controlled, almost like a vampire who wasn't hungry. But Carlie was a bundle of energy, like her father. And Edward assured me that it would take his imprintee's version of an alpha command to keep her from walking. So she was walking.

"I cannot believe how precocious that child is. Or how big! And I swear it looks like she's grown an inch, just in the past few days! I wish Nessie would wake up soon. Are you sure she's doing alright? She doesn't seem to be as active as her sister, even when she's up."

"They're different, Mom. Don't worry. We'll know when she wakes up." I pointed to a baby monitor that was quietly beeping to the rhythm of a sleeping child's heartbeat – just like it was programmed to do. Earlier we had gone upstairs and peeked in on a very realistic-looking wax figure of a sleeping Nessie. Fooling my parents was almost too easy. It made me feel guilty. But it had to be done.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you Mom, after you flew all the way here. But we still have a lot of tests and therapies, and we might have to fly to Sacramento in a few days for some treatments." I really did wish I could spend more time with her, but as things were, I was trying to talk her into going home right after graduation.

"Oh, that's alright. Actually, I've got a little project I'm working on anyway," she said with a mysterious smile.

"Oh? What kind of project?"

"Matchmaking."

I followed her gaze to Charlie.

"With who?"

"Sue Clearwater."

"Mom. Sue just lost her husband two months ago. She's not ready! And Harry was Charlie's best friend. Won't that be awkward?"

"Harry is not hanging around to make things awkward, unlike some people. And trust me, Harry would want them to be happy. Just like I do."

"What even makes you think they'd make a good match?"

"I have a good instinct for these things."

"No you don't! Look at you and Dad."

Instead, she looked at me, in surprise. "Well, I didn't say I was good at the practical part! I should have realized this wasn't the life I wanted; I was wrong about that. But I was right about Charlie. We still love each other, even after all these years. You know that."

The fact was, I did not know that. I knew that Charlie still loved her. Her pictures around the house, and the look in his eyes every time they passed over one of those pictures told me that. But I did not know that she still loved him. Sure, she said it often enough. But I always thought that was just something divorced parents say to their kids.

"This is the first time you've visited him in twelve years, and you hardly ever even talk on the phone."

"Well... that was just too painful, for both of us. You know. Sometimes love hurts."

Yeah, I knew. Sometimes love hurts. "Do you think it's going to be like that? That it'll hurt too much to even talk to him on the phone?"

"Which one?"

"Either one."

"I don't know, dear. I don't think so. I hope not. The worst part was taking you away from him. You know what's strange? It seems to me that Edward would be just as hurt if you took the girls away from him as Jacob would be. They're like two doting fathers – which is totally weird. Uh, in a good way."

"Yeah. What am I going to do, Mom?" I pleaded, not really expecting an answer, not really sure if I wanted one.

"Any chance of splitting the girls up? Let Jake have one and Edward have the other?"

"None."

"Marry one, and let the other have custody?"

"You're no help. Besides, they're both going to be part of both their lives." More softly I added, "As long as they live."

I shouldn't have said that. I was thinking about about Edward, but Renee probably thought I meant Carlie or more likely Nessie. And I didn't want to worry her more than I had to. Thankfully, she pretended not to hear.

"It is a bit different for you than it was for me," she said. "In my case, the problem was that the life I had with Charlie was not the life I wanted – not even close. I was miserable! But you won't have that problem. You're easier that way. I would never picture you as a small-town mechanic's wife, but you'd make it work. I know you would. And with the money the Cullens gave you, it's not even an issue. You have nothing but good choices, Bella. All you have to do is choose one."

"You make it sound so easy. The problem isn't choosing one – it's rejecting the other! I'd rather gnaw off my own arm than hurt either of them that way. I've tried to learn from your experience and think about the life I'd have with each of them, not which man do I want, but which life do I want. But both lives look wonderful! If I chose either of them, I would want for nothing. The only thing I would miss would be... the other one. Besides, that seems kind of cold and calculating. I mean, it's not like with you. With you, it was a choice between misery and happiness. But with me, I'd feel like I was choosing Bill Gates over Steve Jobs, just because Bill's a little bit richer."

"I guess Edward's the Bill in that analogy," she observed wryly.

"I'm not even sure. I've already got all the material wealth I could ever want, Mom. I don't even want it. It makes me feel guilty. But I can't reject it either. If I choose Edward, it's irrelevant. And if I choose Jacob, it would be like rejecting Edward twice, and Alice and... all of them." I rubbed the friendship bracelet on my wrist like it was a magical talisman. Jacob wasn't getting that back either. Yes, I was greedy. But it wasn't for money. It was for them! I wouldn't give up even the smallest piece of them that I didn't have to.

She pondered for a moment before she replied. "Maybe you're going at this all wrong. You obviously love both of them. They obviously both love you. And your life will be wonderful with either of them. So maybe you should stop thinking about them, and concentrate on – you. I mean, more than who you are with, or where you'll be living, what really matters is who you are going to be! Because you'll be a very different person if you marry Jacob than if you marry Edward; trust me on that. Or if you 'become partners with', or whatever you want to call it.

She gave me a hard stare before she asked me: "Who will you see when you look in the mirror, if you marry Jacob Black? Who will you see, if you marry Edward Cullen? Will you like her? Will you be proud of her? Will you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Because you're going to have to, you know. I think that's what you need to ask yourself. It's not fair for you to judge those two men. Who are you to judge them? We're all in agreement; they're both wonderful. But you have every right to judge Bella, and choose the Bella you like best. Anyway, I think that's what I'd do, if I had it to do over again."

"That is, as long as I still got to keep you!"

"Thanks Mom. That does sound like good advice."

"You're welcome. Now, I think I'm going to walk down to the pond with your father."

On her way out, she kissed me on the cheek and whispered. "I love you. I will love whatever Bella you choose to be."

I watched them walk down the gently sloping path to the Cullen's pond. Renesmee refused to let either of them carry her. She raced after Claire, falling again and again, as she tried to keep up with the older girl. It reminded me of me, when I was human, with the difference being that Renesmee never got any cuts or scrapes or bruises. Each time she fell, little Claire helped her back up, then raced ahead of her again. After the third fall, her grandparents seemed to stop worrying about it. Mom slipped her arm around Charlie's waist and leaned against him as they walked. It didn't look like their love was hurting any more. That was hopeful.

I thought about what Mom said, about the two Bellas: the Bella I would be if I chose Edward, and the Bella I would be if I chose Jake. I tried to play Alice and get a glimpse of the life I would lead with each of them, the things I would do, the families I would have. That didn't help much. Jacob and I had a child together; I would be part of the Black family no matter what. And the whole point of Carlisle and Esme officially adopting me was that I would be part of the Cullen family no matter what too. I tried to look deeper, ignore the superficial. I thought about what Mom had said: it wasn't who I'd be with, or where I would be, but who I would be?

How would I be different as Bella Black than as Bella Cullen? Would I be different? And if so, why would I be different?

The answer to that was obvious: because Jacob and Edward were different. Jacob would push me in different ways than Edward would. Jacob would push me _more_ than Edward would, for one thing. Jacob was more high-maintenance than Edward. Living with Jacob would be more difficult than living with Edward. Much more difficult. Was that good or bad? I tried hard to look at the end result and not the process. What would all that pushing make of me? What would Edward's unflagging acceptance?

I pondered a long time - about me, about my future. I assumed I had a future. I rejected all thought that this might all be pointless, that we were all going to be killed by the Volturi. And I completely ignored Alice's prediction that Edward would be. If I allowed myself to think about that, I would completely break down and be no good to anyone. So I assumed that, some years from now, I would be walking down the path to the pond with my own grandchildren running in front of me. My arm would be around... someone's waist. My ex and I would still love each other, like Charlie and Renee. And someone else would be waiting for me when I got home. It was just almost impossible to fill in those two blanks! My heart balked whenever I tried.

In the final tally, I still couldn't decide who I loved more, Jacob or Edward. But, though I was reluctant to admit it, I was pretty sure I liked one of the two Bellas better than the other. Yeah. I had a hard time blocking that. I knew myself too well.

"It scared me just a little when she kissed you. Most humans instinctively know not to surprise us like that." Edward's voice startled me, I was so lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah, she does smell a bit like me. I mean the old me. Doesn't she?"

"And you didn't even flinch."

I shrugged. "Well, I've got a lot on my mind. And she is my mother."

"If she had lived, I would not have dared get so close to my mother, when I was your age."

I shrugged again, and we watched my parents walk down to the pond in silence. It was a few minutes before I noticed that my own arm had wrapped itself around Edward's waist.

"Theirs is a pure love," said Edward. And I looked at him questioningly.

"Don't worry; Phil doesn't have anything to worry about. Pure loves like that take many forms. Theirs is... very strong and very beautiful. I wish you could see it."

"I can. I do."

He was quiet for a while. Then he said, "I'm a little worried that you don't know, don't completely understand, that it will be okay to still love me, even if I'm not with you."

"I don't think I have any choice."

"Maybe no more than Jacob or I have. But that's not exactly what I meant. I mean it won't hurt me, if you still love me, even though you're not mine. In fact, I would very much appreciate it."

I closed my eyes lightly, and felt my contacts begin to dissolve. Tearing up dissolves them faster.

"It hurt Charlie."

"Maybe. And it might would hurt Jacob the same way. Charlie and Jacob are more alike than Charlie and I are. And Jacob didn't make the mistakes I've made. But if I thought that you didn't still love me, I would hurt – forever – because I would know that I deserved it. Please... I need more than just for you to forgive me. I have to know that you still love me, that you will still love me, like Renee loves Charlie."

"You act like I've already chosen Jacob."

"You act like you haven't."

I squeezed my eyes shut and wished I could do the same with my ears. I still wasn't ready!

"You said you'd give me time."

"Bella, darling. You've had time. And even Emmett knows what you've decided."

How was it that I had only just now figured it out? Oh yes, something about a river in Egypt. My chuckles forced out a sob that I had been holding back. Just one though. This wasn't sad, not really.

"What about Renesmee? You love her like a daughter! How...?"

"And I always will. I cannot change, the way Quil can. But that's okay. I have a daughter! Some day I will have grandchildren! And if all goes well, I will walk them down that trail just like Charlie is doing now. And if I'm as happy as he is, then I will be happier than I ever imagined I would be, before I met you."

I opened my eyes and looked into his to answer. His eyes were lovely, the loveliest I've ever seen. "Yes," I said. "Yes, Edward. I promise I will still love you. I can't say it will be like Renee loves Charlie. I can't read minds. But it will be a pure love. It is a pure love. I love you, Edward Cullen. And I always will."

"Thank you," he said. And we hugged, and we did not kiss. And I think, unbelievable as it might sound, that he too liked this me best.

I don't know how long we stood there, lost in the comfort of each other's presence. But we were startled alert by the sound of screaming.

Terrified screaming.


	25. Revealed

25. Revealed

Screaming. Someone was screaming. My mother was screaming!

Her piercing cry knocked me out of the moment I shared with Edward and propelled me out the door.

Vampires think fast. I could perform more mathematical calculations per second than a high-end PC. In a crisis, I could consider a dozen likely scenarios, weigh the appropriate responses to each of them and maximize the safety of both myself and all of the people around me, and take just a fraction of a second to do it. I did none of that.

When my mother screamed, I reacted even faster than I could think. I was out the door and halfway across the yard before I even began to consider the many nightmare scenarios that might have caused her to scream. My first fear was the obvious: she and Charlie and Renesmee and Claire were outside, surrounded by vampires. Besides Edward and myself, six Denali and six more Cullens were all scattered about the house and the grounds.

It wasn't that I didn't trust them. Of course I trusted them. I loved them! But I knew that accidents happened. Even the gentle Cullens, most of them, had lost control at one time or another. I should know; I was unique only in that I had survived the experience. The Denali had abstained from human blood for almost a century, but they hadn't always been so nice. And they kept their thirst in check today, mainly by staying far away from humans. Garrett was even more dangerous; he had only been abstinent for a week. And almost any vampire would lose control if the human smelled sweet enough. Hadn't I just mentioned to Edward how much my mother smelled like I used to? And it wasn't necessarily one of our group. One of the Cullen's friends could be visiting, or their enemies – our enemies.

Or it could be something so much simpler. Renee and Charlie were at the pond with Renesmee. Babies died in ponds and pools and bathtubs every day. What if, after all this worry about Renesmee being killed by the Volturi, she died of something as stupid as a mother who mistook precociousness for maturity, ruggedness for invulnerability? What kind of mother let a one week old baby out of her sight?

By the time I was across the yard, my mother's terrified scream had changed from an incoherent wail to the sound of my name. "Bella! Bellaa! Bellaaaa!" That was joined by my father's voice, and by Edward's voice behind me. But I barely heard either of them. I was too busy pouring all of my newborn strength and energy into propelling myself forward.

I rounded a bend in the trail and saw my parents standing by the pond thirty yards ahead of me. My mother and father were alternately shouting for me and staring in dumb horror at the dark shape moving on the ground in front of them. I was just in time to see my mother bend down and snatch Claire back from something black and red that writhed on the ground, in what was left of Renesmee's bright yellow dress. My stomach wrenched in anguish and horror, I stopped dead in my tracks, and a single high-pitched scream escaped my own lips.

The most horrible thing I had ever witnessed, an image that haunted my nightmares for over a year, was James, or what was left of him, being consumed by fire. All I had seen then – briefly, mercifully briefly – had been a mass of charcoal and blood. Black and red, and writhing. The nightmares had become even more frequent while I was pregnant, except that then it became either me, or my daughter, or both of us in the flames. Even now, though I no longer slept, I still had waking nightmares of the Volturi catching Renesmee. In my nightmares, I always saw them destroying her with fire, the way they had destroyed Tia, Tanya's and Kate's and Irina's little brother – the way we had destroyed James. Logically, I knew that they would not have to use such drastic means to kill my little girl. But that was still the image in my mind, and that was the image that jumped into my head when I first saw the confusing scene beside the pond.

My confusion and terror lasted only for an instant, however. Realization came so fast that my scream changed into a hysterical laugh as soon as it reached my lips. The change was not really a change, just the recognition that what I saw was not what I thought I saw. That was the way Renesmee's talent worked. One moment, copper-haired Nessie would be a few feet in front of me, the next, raven-haired Carlie would turn to smile at me – and it would seem like the copper curls had merely been a trick of the light. It was like that for me now, as my mind caught up to an unexpected reality.

One moment a child's tiny arm, twisted and jerked its way out of a pile of clothes on the ground, blackened and flaking like a burning ember. The next, it was not an arm but a long and slender neck, not charred and flaking but covered in shiny black feathers. On the ground, in front of my parents, was no waking nightmare, no scene of horror. It was a swan. She was a swan. A black swan.

She had taken the form of one of the trumpeter swans that swam gracefully in the Cullen's pond – the form, but not the color. She had copied that from a red-winged black bird. I'd heard one scolding the humans a minute before, though I hadn't paid it any attention at the time. I could see the tiny bird now, on the other side of the pond, where it had sensibly retreated. It, and the shape-shifting girl who had copied it, were both glossy jet black, with thin elongated crescents of red, trimmed in yellow, at the shoulders of their wings.

With my perfect memory, I replayed what I had seen just moments before, as she twisted and flailed about to free herself from the tattered remains of her dress. Renesmee's clumsy thrashing had caused more of the brilliant red under her wings to be exposed. The unexpected form and strange coloration had thrown me off; the red feathers really had looked like blood. That, and my fearful expectations, had kept me from recognizing what I saw. That should teach me not to jump to conclusions.

My relief was staggering but short lived. As soon as I determined that she was not in any distress, I looked from Renesmee back over to my parents. They had stopped shouting, but they were now staring at me with expressions no less horrified than the ones they had given their shape-shifting granddaughter a moment before, expressions that said they had no idea what was happening – or what had happened to me. I stood there and stared dumbly back at them like a deer caught in a car's headlights. I stood less than twenty yards away from them, my body shining in the bright sunlight. A million tiny prisms made chaotic rainbows dance across my skin.

What was I going to do now? I wondered. How could I have been so stupid? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett standing in the nearby woods, trapped by the shade until a passing cloud could let him come out. He was keeping a watch on my parents and the children. They had been very safe.

I sensed Edward move to my side and saw my parents' eyes flick briefly to the shining man beside me. Edward slipped his hand into mine, gripped it tightly and said, "Careful, Bella. You don't want to put them in danger."

"They're already in danger!" I snapped through gritted teeth.

"In danger from you, I mean. Just relax, it's going to be alright. We won't let anyone hurt them. Just stay in control."

It was true that I was right at the breaking point. I had been on an emotional roller coaster for very a long time. It seemed like weeks since I had breathed. I took a few calming breaths to prepare myself for the blow-up I knew would be coming as soon as Charlie and Renee shook themselves out of their initial shock.

I didn't have to wait long.

"Bella...? What... what's going on?" my mother hesitantly asked.

Charlie was not so hesitant. "Bella!" he bellowed. "What have you done to yourself? What has Doctor Carlisle Cullen done to you, and to my granddaughter?!"

So, Dr. Cullen must be some sort of mad scientist who'd done who knows what to us. Well, that was a pretty reasonable assumption. With all the tests and procedures we'd told them about, all the secrets, all the lies, what else could Charlie think? We had made up the medical condition, the bogus tests and procedures, to cover up my true condition and Renesmee's true nature. They provided an excuse for us to stay away from people, back when we thought Renesmee and I would need to stay away from people, and to explain why either Carlie or Nessie was always sleeping. We hadn't even bothered to flesh out the lies with meaningful details; we had never said precisely what those mysterious tests and procedures were. We knew that Charlie and Renee would not pry about things I wanted to keep private.

This was going to be hard – harder with Charlie than with Renee. Renee was a naturally trusting and forgiving person. Even now, I could see that she didn't want to believe that she'd been lied to. She was eager to believe any excuse I could come up with to make everything seem all right. And with Renee, I had only the recent lies to feel guilty about. But I had been living a lie, many lies, under the same roof with Charlie, for over a year. And Charlie was not a naturally trusting person; he was too much of a cop for that. He was used to being lied to. He just wasn't used to me doing it. He had pushed aside his suspicious nature, one of the qualities that made him a good cop, because he loved and trusted me so much. And I had betrayed that trust.

I had a hard time meeting my parent's gaze, as I walked slowly up to them, so I mostly looked at Renesmee. She looked so pretty, gloss black all over, except for the red and yellow swoosh on her sided. I had to give her points for style; I was sure her Aunts would approve.

I approached her cautiously. This was the first time she had ever taken an animal's form; I thought it must be frightening and confusing for her. She didn't look frightened though. She looked embarrassed and guilty, but not frightened and definitely not confused. I smiled at her reassuringly. I didn't want her to think that I blamed her or was angry with her. This was not her fault; it was mine. I had no right to ask so much of a baby, no matter how precocious she was. The others had counselled me to keep Renesmee away from my parents, but I had wanted them to know her. I wanted them to love her as much as I did. I tried to pour all of my sympathy, concern and understanding into my eyes before I said anything, but Renesmee just took a quick glance at me, then buried her head into the fold of her wing.

I knelt down and lightly stroked the feathers on her back. "No," I said softly. "It's alright. She's fine. She's exactly how she's supposed to be."

"How she's supposed to be!" Charlie shouted. "What did you do to her?!"

"Nothing, Dad," I said, looking up at him and Renee. Renee didn't say anything. She just turned her face away from me, as tears began to well up in her eyes. "This is a natural ability she has. She inherited it from Jacob. A lot of the Quileute are shape shifters."

"Ja – Jacob? Jacob Black can turn into a bird?" Charlie sputtered. And Renee looked back at me in surprise.

"No," I said, and I couldn't help letting a little humor creep into my voice. "Just a wolf." I cocked my thumb to point behind me, where I hard the unmistakeable heartbeat of Jacob's wolf form. I watched my parent's faces, as their eyes grew big. I listened carefully to their breathing and their heartbeats. Renee gasped, and Charlie held his breath, and both their hearts skipped a beat or two, then quickened their tempos. But I could tell that they were in no danger of having heart attacks. They were tougher than I usually gave them credit for.

I turned to look, as my giant lover came fully into view. I looked at him appraisingly, trying to see him the way that Mom and Dad were seeing him, for the first time. On all fours he stood a quarter inch taller than he did on two legs in human form. I estimated he weighed ten times as much though, or about an even ton. His yellow eyes and russet brown fur were surprisingly similar in color to Edward's eyes and hair. Strange that I'd never noticed that before. He was very beautiful. That, I had noticed. In it's own way, his animal form was as beautiful as Renesmee's.

Jake smiled playfully, letting his tongue loll out, and he panted loudly as he trotted down the trail to us. His antics made him look more like a giant, friendly golden retriever than a wolf. Mom and Dad were nervous, but not really scared. You'd have to be really afraid of dogs to be scared of an obviously-friendly golden retriever, even a giant one. I stood back from Renesmee, to let Jacob go up to her. He bumped against me affectionately with the back of his head, as he passed by. I chuckled as I was knocked backwards. I was stronger than Jake, but he out-massed me about sixteen to one. Edward caught me instinctively, and I squeezed his hand in thanks without even thinking about it. I didn't know if Jake knew yet that there was no more need for jealousy, but I was sure he wouldn't mind too much anyway. Hand-holding was allowed.

Jake got down on his stomach, put his nose about an inch from Renesmee and puffed her feathers by blowing out through his nostrils. Mom and Dad shied away from him, and Mom twisted her body to put more of herself between Jake and Claire, who she was still holding. But Claire wiggled and reached out to Jake. Mom relaxed a bit, but did not let her go to him.

Renee's and Charlie's nervousness was understandable and did not offend me. On the contrary, I was pleasantly surprised at how well they were taking it. No one had fainted or started running yet, and they seemed to have gotten the screaming out of their system. I was a bit surprised, not to mention annoyed, at Edward's reaction though. His hand stiffened in mine, when Jake stuck his giant snout up to Renesmee.

"Seriously?" I said, looking at him with incredulous disapproval.

"It's an instinctive reaction!"

"Ugh," I groaned in exasperation.

After three puffs, Renesmee shyly pulled her head out from under her wing. She looked at Jake, who touched her beak with his nose, and soon they were rubbing their cheeks together.

"Can I wide Unca Jacop? Pease."

Claire's words seemed to break the spell we were all under. I laughed, and everyone started breathing normally.

I started to tell Claire no, but Edward interrupted me.

"I think that's a great idea," he said. "Jacob needs to phase back, and he can take her to her mother on the way."

He casually took Claire from a stunned Renee and lifted her up onto Jake's back. I saw Jake stiffen and the hackles rise up on the back of his neck, when Edward first touched Claire. I'm sure that was Edward's main purpose, showing me that he was not the only one who had to struggle with his instinctive reactions. It was hardly a fair analogy though; Edward wasn't Claire's father, after all. But he'd made his point.

It might seem strange that Jacob was more nervous about Edward holding Claire than when he was holding Renesmee. But it was, like Edward said, a purely instinctive reaction, stronger for Jacob in his wolf form than when he was human. And an accident was possible with Claire, if extremely unlikely. With Renesmee, it was impossible. Edward would die before he hurt Renesmee.

"Hold on tight," said Edward. "And don't worry about pulling his fur. You can't hurt him."

Jacob gave Edward a look of indolent irritation, then trotted slowly back up the trail with Claire on his shoulders. Claire sang, "Giddy up, giddy up," over and over as they went. As we were watching them go, a cloud passed in front of the Sun, making me and Edward stop scintillating. And Emmett came out of the woods to join us.

"Wow," he said, looking at Renesmee. "That is way cooler than a bat."

I elbowed him sharply in the gut.

"A bat?" Renee squeaked. "She changes into a bat too?"

"Uh, no," said Emmett, belatedly realizing that we still needed to keep some things secret, or at least not hit my mother and father with too much all at once. "Well... one got in the house the other day, and we all wondered if she would. You know: monkey see, monkey be."

"Monkey see..." Renee repeated back, mouthing the words more than saying them. I gave Emmett a disapproving look.

He decided to side track me, by telling me what happened. "I was walking in the woods here, when I saw Charlie and Renee and the girls come down to the pond. Renee said, 'Look Charlie, swans.'

Claire heard her. She looked up at them and said, 'Nesmee's mommy is Bewa Swan.' That's the way she said it: 'Bewa.'

Anyway, Renee said, 'That's right. And this is her granddaddy, Charlie Swan.'

Then a black bird started swooping around and chirping at them because it's got a nest right over there. So Charlie said, 'And this pretty fellow, who's trying so unsuccessfully to scare us away, is a black bird. Do you know anyone named Black?'

Claire said, 'Uh huh. Nesmee's daddy is Jacop Black.'

Charlie said, 'That's right. Nessie is Nessie Black, and Carlie is Carlie Black.' Then he looked over at Carlie and said, 'But don't forget, you're also a Swan.'

And Carlie looked so serious, like she's trying to understand what Grandpa is talking about. Then she looked up at the black bird, and she looked over at the swans, and her brow furrowed... and then she was trying to get untangled from the dress. I almost laughed out loud, but I thought maybe I'd better keep quiet and let you guys handle it."

Mom and Dad's faces gave flickers of acknowledgment that they had heard Emmett's tale, but their eyes just kept going back and forth from me to Renesmee.

Edward turned to me and said, "Why don't you pick her up? I think she's ready to change back now. Let's go back to the house to talk." He reached for the top button of his shirt, seemed to think better of it, and looked over at the remains of the yellow dress lying on the ground next to Renesmee.

I reached down, picked up the cloth and wrapped it loosely around her. And she was suddenly Carlie again. It seemed to happen right as my arm passed over her, momentarily obstructing her from my view. But I suspected that the others would describe it the same way, even though, from their different angles, my arm would not have obstructed all their views at the same time. Magic. I'm afraid there's no other explanation than that. Mom gasped and Charlie swallowed, but they didn't say anything until we got back to the house and joined Carlisle, Esme, Carol and Jacob in the dining room.

Emmett ran off to 'look for Rose' practically as soon as we got in the door. Carol offered to take Renesmee upstairs to get her dressed, and I gratefully accepted. Edward asked if he should stay, and Jake and I both agreed that he should. Renee and Charlie waited impatiently for us to organize ourselves before they started in on us.

"So, Nessie...?" asked Renee. "There is no Nessie, is there?" She surprised me with her perceptiveness. Charlie looked startled, but only for a moment. Then he looked down at the floor sullenly. Renee looked at him sympathetically but didn't try to touch him. She looked back at me, her face a study in disappointment and confusion. "You couldn't tell us, Bella? You couldn't even tell Charlie? I've been in Florida, but Charlie's been right here. Been here for you!"

"I know, Mom. But Mom, we couldn't! This is a big secret. And it's not my secret to tell. The Quileute have really good reasons to hide this from the world. They've been persecuted before, you know. And... and there are still things we can't tell you. I'm sorry."

"That glowing we saw, the way you look?" Charlie accused. "Can you tell us about that? You want to tell us that's 'natural'?"

"No, Dad. But I'm sorry, we really can't talk about it."

"Well, that's not good enough, Bella!" he snapped. Then he turned on Carlisle. "You did something to my daughter, and I want to know what!"

It was startling to see a human taking on a vampire this way. I imagined the others were thinking, 'If he only knew what he was facing.' But I think that if Charlie had known that Carlisle was about a thousand times stronger than he was—he would have done exactly the same thing. Dad didn't lack for courage, and I think I know where I got my attraction to slightly overprotective men.

There was nothing wrong with Dad's deductive-reasoning skills either; he was a detective, after all. But that only meant we had to be even more careful about what we said. We didn't dare let him figure out the truth. He and Mom probably knew too much already, for ignorance to save them from the Volturi, but we still couldn't let Dad, especially, know about vampires. For one thing, what would Chief Swan do if he realized that our house guest was the perpetrator of some recent unsolved murder? I shuddered at the thought and tried to think what to say to him. Carlisle seemed to be doing the same.

It was Jacob who came to our rescue. "Charlie," he said, "Bella would have died if it wasn't for Dr. Cullen."

Charlie looked at Jacob, challenging him to continue.

"Renesmee went from egg to baby in just four weeks. Humans aren't made to handle that." He said the word 'human' with a tone that made it clear he wasn't including himself in that category.

"Four weeks? But..." Charlie shook his head. "And what Dr. Cullen did to save her? That's a secret too?"

"A lot of people would want it, Charlie," said Jacob. "But that would be bad. It's dangerous – usually forbidden. Bella got a special dispensation because... well, for one thing because it was a werewolf that was killing her. We still call Renesmee a werewolf, even though she's never actually changed into a wolf. She's a shape changer, like me."

"Dad," I interrupted. "The important thing is, are you going to be able to handle this? Or are you too weirded out by your shining daughter and shape-shifting granddaughter?"

As if on cue, we heard a ruckus from upstairs. We all looked towards the stairway in time to see Renesmee, in swan form, half-hopping and half-flying down the stairs. Her wingspan was much too wide for her to fly in such tight quarters. She wasn't exactly a giant swan, but she was a very large one. And swans are the largest birds in North America. They're even heavier than California condors. She made the frantic high-pitched honking sounds that give the trumpeter swan its name, as Claire came running after her, squealing cheerfully.

Carol Young was about a second behind them, still holding the tattered remains of another of Renesmee's dresses in one hand. "Sorry!" the harried-looking woman shouted from the top of the stairs. Her expression showed a mixture of amusement, embarrassment and exasperation. Apparently, getting a shape-shifting toddler dressed was harder than Carol expected. I smiled and waved her off reassuringly. Seeing that we were still having a family discussion, she retreated back to her room.

The two girls ran down the hallway towards the library, but a moment later they came running back. Now Claire was in front, and Renesmee was hot on her heels. Outside, the race would have been no contest, but with Renesmee unable to fully spread her wings, I thought Claire had a fair shot at making it to whatever was base.

"Should we be worried?" I asked Jacob. "I don't know how hard a were swan can bite."

"She won't hurt Claire," Jacob said confidently. I wanted to ask how he could be so sure, but I saw that Edward was in agreement with him. And I knew how Edward knew, so I decided not to worry about it.

I turned back to Charlie. "You going to be okay, Dad?"

I wasn't too worried about Renee. She wasn't going to be around much anyway, but she was also more... open, to the unusual, than Charlie.

"Do you think we could get her to not do stuff like that when I'm around?" he asked.

The Cullen's bodies all relaxed almost imperceptibly, in the vampire equivalent of a collective sigh. Jake actually did sigh, but I could tell that his was more from disappointment than relief.

I was with Jacob. "No, Dad. I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you, and some of her changes can be pretty disconcerting. But Renesmee is a very special child. She's going to spend most of her life pretending, hiding who she really is, what she really is. I think it's important for her to know that she can be herself around her own family. It was one thing when we felt we had to keep it a secret from you, but now that you know, I need you to be accepting.

Charlie pursed his lips and considered that. "What... what else can she change into?"

"This is the first animal form she's taken. Up to now she's just imitated people she knows: me, Rosalie, Claire and Edward. Oh, and Nessie—though that's not exactly imitating anyone. Nessie's more of an amalgam."

"And Emmett," Rosalie volunteered, coming into the room along with Emmett.

Charlie stared disbelievingly at Edward and Emmett. Emmett smiled at him playfully. "I know!" he laughed. "I still can't believe how good I look in a yellow pinafore."

Charlie's mouth hung limply open, until Renee actually reached over and gently pushed his jaw up with her finger. I thought people only did that in cartoons and comedies. Finally he said, "Well, since I don't think I can handle any more shocks right now, maybe we'd better put any more questions and answers on the back burner."

Silently, I let out a breath. "I think we can all agree to those terms, Dad."

Renee and Charlie thought that they should be going, since we were still busy getting ready to go to La Push. In actuality, our preparations were mostly for show, vampires travel fast and light. But we did need to get going. I'd been putting it off, mostly because I hated ending my visit with Mom. I wouldn't get many more chances to see her before she had to go back to Florida.

But then Alice took me aside. "It's no big thing," she assured me. "But I was looking ahead to see how this is going to work out with Renee and Charlie, and I saw that Phil is about to break his arm. In about ten minutes, he's going to crash into the back wall, trying to catch a pop fly in a home game against Tampa. Don't worry; he'll be fine. But you might as well visit a little longer. She'll get the call in forty nine minutes. Then she'll need you to drive her to the airport."

I hated knowing that Phil was about to break his arm and not doing anything about it. But Alice had told me about things like this before. It would be one thing if she was right there, to take control of the situation, or if she could call him and tell him exactly what she saw. I had gotten a few calls like that from her myself, back when things were simpler. But in this case, the best she could do would be to call Phil and get him off the field. And she knew from experience, that probably wouldn't help anything. The accident would probably happen anyway, and it might be even worse. So we decided to just look at this as a lucky break, a good excuse to get Renee away from here, before she learned even more secrets that she didn't need to know. So I delayed their departure just enough that Renee would get the call while she was still at the Cullens. It let me get some final visiting in, and saved her an unnecessary trip.

Renee and Charlie had totally different attitudes about Renesmee's ability. While Charlie struggled to hide his squeamishness, Renee was thrilled to see Renesmee's 'impressions'. Wearing a flexible jumpsuit, Renesmee cheerfully put on a show for her grandmother and the rest of us, changing into everyone she knew in no particular order. She reveled in the attention we all gave her.

Even Charlie, though he was clearly uncomfortable, was also clearly fascinated by this.

What continued to amaze me was how hard it was to spot the exact moment of transformation. At one point, I stared intensely at the tip of her nose. She was Carlie then, and I knew that the tip of her nose was exactly twenty two point three inches above the floor. But the next moment, the nose was on Jacob's face. And, as soon as I noticed that the face had changed around it, I saw that the nose itself was much too big for Carlie, and that it was now exactly seventy point five inches above the floor. I was not aware that I had raised my head or my eyes, yet they were now focused on a point four feet higher than they had been a moment earlier.

After a few tries like that, I started to get a headache. Finally, I decided that a magic act is best enjoyed if you don't try too hard to figure out the trick. But I did plan to take a harder look at Jacob the next time he phased.

Other than Charlie's uncomfortable smiles and barely-suppressed grimaces, the only negative reaction she got was when she changed into Emily. I just couldn't help it, and I don't think the others could either. Seeing scars on my little girl made me flinch. I tried to hide it, but she noticed. She frowned and looked around at the faces watching her. When her eyes got back to mine, the scars were gone. She smiled uncertainly.

Emotions warred inside me: love, pride, sympathy, but mostly, at that moment, shame – that I had let myself react that way. I stood and embraced her. "No, no, Renesmee," I cooed. "That's part of her. It's all right. We were just startled." I kissed her cheek and felt the rough scars brush my lips. I felt a few tears in my eyes, and I was careful not to let them get on Renesmee. I remembered Edward's warning that they could burn her. That reminded me that I needed to go change contacts again. Tearing up made them dissolve faster.

I pulled away from Renesmee, wiping a couple of tears off my cheeks. I sure was emotional lately. But what could I expect? I was a newborn vampire with a newborn baby, quite the double whammy. I looked at my own newborn squarely. She was just about a quarter inch taller than me at the moment. Astonishing as that was, it paled next to her maturity and precociousness. At only one week old, she was already as mature or more mature than most toddlers. I looked down at our resident toddler for a quick comparison.

Claire was frowning.

"Are we giving Renesmee too much attention?"

She shook her head.

"Then what's the matter? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I want Nesmee to make the bird again!"

I decided to let others handle this crisis. I excused myself to go take some medicine, which was code for changing my contacts. Mom and Dad had seen enough today, without me showing off my baby reds. Discretely, I gestured for Jake to join me upstairs.

"Hey, Bells. What is it?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

Jake just looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. So I clarified: "It's you."

It took Jake a moment for recognition to begin to dawn on him. Never, I thought, had that expression been so appropriate. Dawn. The corners of his mouth lifted, and so did the darkness.

Maybe darkness is too strong a word. Jacob had not been sad these past few days, far from it. He was as thrilled as I was to have a beautiful child like Renesmee. And things between us were much better than they had been during the weeks I had to keep my distance from him. And even when things had looked very dark, Jacob had remained an island of light—a brightly-lit room in a dark house.

But he hadn't looked like this. This was my sunshine.

"Well, it's about time," he said.

"What? Did everyone think it was a foregone conclusion?"

"No... not completely. At first, I thought that you might've changed too much. You know – that we wouldn't be compatible. And then I worried that maybe even if we were compatible, you and Edward were much more compatible, now that you're both... vampires. But after a while, well, I was pretty sure. I mean, I know you do still love Edward, but it doesn't seem like something I need to worry about. It's more like..." He seemed unsure what it was like.

"Like Renee and Charlie?" I offered.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I know. It just took me a while to realize that you're the one I need to be with."

"Need?" he asked, wrapping his long arms around my waist and pulling me into him.

"Need," I answered, wrapping my own arms lightly around his neck.

"And why is that?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine.

"You keep me... human." I was feeling very, very human right then.

"And that's a good thing?" Jacob asked with a playful grin.

"Yes! I didn't used to think so, but yes. You're human, sort of, and so is Renesmee. Mom and Dad are human. I... I need to hold on to what's left of my humanity, for you."

Jake nodded understandingly. "For Renesmee, you mean. Me, Charlie, Renee, we've always been human—well, mostly human. That wasn't going to stop you a few months ago." His eyes looked away, and some of the sunshine faded from his face.

Gently but firmly, I pulled his head forward, so we were staring eye to eye again. "I'm a mother now, Jacob. I'll never make another major decision without thinking about Renesmee. And I do think this is what's best for her. But even if there was no Renesmee, I would still need you to keep me human—for you."

"That's circular."

"Maybe. But we've gone too far to go back to just friends, Jake. Seeing Mom and Dad together, and actually, even reconnecting with Edward, I realized that I don't have to have you. But I do have to love you. I have to know that you still love me. The thought of becoming something that you couldn't love or that didn't love you, I..."

And then Jacob's mouth was on mine, and there was no more need for words. No room for them either. I wrapped my arms around him loosely – and my mental shield around him tightly. Somehow, that made me feel even closer to him. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe I felt so close to him that it compelled me to encase him in my very soul.

Unlike Edward, I never had any doubt that I had a soul. My soul had a name. And it was Jacob.

I was probably a couple of thousand times stronger than a typical human girl, maybe a hundred times or so stronger than Jacob. But at that moment, I felt very weak in my knees, though I knew that I still had to be careful not to hurt him.

I did not pull his head against mine, but I did press my lips against his.

I did not bite him, but I did pinch his lips between mine hard enough to make him moan.

I did not scratch him, but I traced my fingertips over his muscular form, hard enough to make him quiver.

I was the most self-controlled newborn ever. I could do careful. I was as careful with him as he had always been with me.

"No backsies," he said.

"No backsies," I promised.

I knew that some day soon Jacob would want us to get married. That didn't bother me now. It would just be a formality anyway, a show for our family and friends.

We had already said our vows.


	26. Preparations

26. Preparations

"Ladies, welcome to our self-defense class."

Tanya stood at one end of the basketball court, in the center of the semicircular three-point line. Foldaway bleachers on either side of her framed the court that we had commandeered as a workout area. She was flanked by Kate and Irina, while the other vampire women in our group—Esme, Alice, Rosalie and Carmen—all stood at the edges of the court. I stood at the far end from Tanya, so did Leah Clearwater, just a few feet away from me. I glanced over at her, but she ignored me.

In the middle of the court stood thirty five Quileute women in seven rows of five women each. They wore an eclectic assortment of workout clothes. Our little army had no uniforms; werewolves wouldn't need them. Another hundred and thirty seven women sat in the bleachers. The women ranged in ages from fourteen, Jennifer Proudtree, Jake's second cousin – to fifty one, Thomasina Ateara Benton, Quil's aunt. (Technically, Tanya was the oldest, at a thousand and fourteen, but a vampire is usually considered to be the age she was when she became a vampire.) And their emotions ranged from petrified with terror, to open hostility – to ravenous hunger. (That would be me.) We could have really used Jasper to help keep us calm, but, of course, tensions would be even higher in the men's group. On the other hand, they didn't have Leah. She radiated so much arrogance and hostility I could smell it.

All of the women in the room had one or two extra chromosomes which signified the potential to become a werewolf. Normal humans have twenty three pairs of chromosomes, but werewolves had a twenty fourth chromosome, which Carlisle had dubbed W, or pair of chromosomes. The women in the bleachers had only one W chromosome, while the women on the floor, with a few exceptions, had two. Due to intermixing with humans, most of the descendants of werewolves had only one W chromosome. We suspected that people with a pair of W chromosomes were more likely to become werewolves than people with only one. All of the werewolves in the Pack had two W chromosomes, which strongly supported that theory. We did have Rachel Black and a few other single-W women who had werewolves in their immediate families out on the floor with us, even though they were not as likely candidates as the double-W's were. After all, Renesmee had only one extra chromosome, and she was a werewolf, or something. So maybe one would be enough, if it was coupled with close contact with vampires. Still, we concentrated our efforts on the "double W's."

My thoughts were interrupted by Tanya's introductions. When she called Alice's name, I looked to see how she was holding up. She was standing on my right side, about midway up the court. She looked more exhausted than I'd ever seen any vampire look. She had pushed herself and her vision hard for the past few weeks. Her latest and most difficult effort had been trying to find likely candidates to become werewolves. Her method was simple, she looked into men and women's futures to see which ones got blurry. That was mentally exhausting enough. But even worse than the mental exhaustion was the emotional exhaustion. Most of the futures she saw did not get blurry. They just went black.

After the introductions, Tanya asked each of the vampires, except Carmen, to take a row of women and let them see if they could identify what perfume we were wearing. There were many guesses: Chanel, Liz Taylor, rose water, Seduction... No one guessed that we weren't wearing any. And no one thought we smelled bad—except Leah. The humans and vampires would all smell good to each other, until or unless the wolf genes became active.

I hoped the men were having better luck.

Irina was the best fighter, but Tanya was the best teacher. She led us in a lesson that would have been familiar in any self-defense class. She and her sisters demonstrated some simple moves and had the class repeat them. Then we were supposed to take turns practicing and sparring against each other.

I looked over at Leah, wondering if we should be sparring partners. Leah looked back with eager expectation.

"Go spar with your row of humans, Bella," said Tanya, startling me. Tanya was the most graceful and quiet vampire I'd ever met. She could run on new-fallen snow without leaving a footprint. "That's why we're here, to give potential werewolves close contact with us. And be careful not to hurt them; even a bruise will smell of blood. Leah... I'm not sure why she's here, but she doesn't need to spar with you."

"Why's that one just standing there?" Leah asked. She indicated Carmen.

"Carmen is just observing today. She might join in tomorrow." Tanya did not say that Carmen was having a hard time staying in control with so many humans around. Leah might have guessed, but we didn't need to confirm it.

Tanya turned and quickly rejoined her group. Watching her glide back to the head of the class, I was entranced by the beauty of her movements. It made me wonder anew about Edward's amazing will power. I knew that he liked women, after all. And I doubted that even the ones who didn't like women could resist beauty like Tanya's.

And Edward liked Tanya, very much. But he did not love her. And he would not be seduced by a woman he did not love—or even a woman he did love, if he thought she was too fragile.

I took a deep breath to let the smell of frightened humans clear my head, and chase away thoughts that a woman in a committed relationship shouldn't be having about her ex. I brought my scarf to my face before I walked over to my row of humans. That earned me an angry, threatening glare from Leah. I buried my face in my scarf and breathed through it deeply, somewhat chagrined.

I don't know why I felt guilty; it wasn't like I was putting anyone in danger. After all the time I had spent with my parents, the Youngs and my classmates, I felt sure it was very safe for me to be here—as long as I had my scarf handy. Still, I empathized with Carmen. The room was absolutely overpowering. Even humans are aware of the smell of human in a crowded gymnasium. The Cullen 'children' were able to spend hours a day in crowded classrooms without much difficulty, but even they had doctor's notes to keep them out of gym.

On top of being crowded, hot and sweaty, most of these women were very nervous and the rest were terrified. I felt like a starving woman in a Krispy Kreme at baking time – if Krispy Kreme made a super-sweet and spicy doughnut that made your throat burn while your mouth watered, and then laced it with cocaine.

The night before, just after my parents left, Garrett congratulated me on how well I had coped with them. He himself had to stay at least twenty feet away from Renee at all times. He wasn't quite as bad with Charlie or the Youngs, but he still always made sure to keep another vampire or werewolf between himself and any humans in the house. But, impressed as he was at my self control around close friends and family, he still wondered how I was going to handle being in a room full of sweaty, fearful humans that I hardly knew.

I wondered about that myself. Vampires could not die from lack of oxygen, but none of us, not even Carlisle, had the self control it would take to hold our breaths for more than a few minutes at a time. And, extraordinary self control or not, I knew that spending a day in a gymnasium full of frightened humans would be pushing it. I wouldn't be pretending to be sick, sitting still, or moving slowly, like I did with my parents and classmates. I'd have to interact with the human women physically, helping train them and even intentionally scaring them a bit to try to trigger the change. Just thinking about it had my mouth watering and my adrenaline flowing.

Reflexively, I had drawn Renesmee, who was sitting in my lap at the time, close to my chest and pressed my nose against the top of her head. That calmed me down instantly, and I was struck by inspiration. I walked over to Jacob, ripped off a piece of his shirt, and held it to my nose.

"Hey!" Jake objected.

"A token," I said with an effected drawl, "of my gentleman's favor." I hammed it up, waving the rag under my nose like it was a scarf, and I was a fainting belle in an Austin novel.

I should have known our thousand-year-old house guests would take the joke seriously. The next thing I knew, all the couples were exchanging favors. On a practical level, that didn't really make sense. Jake's scent was a hundred times more effective at blocking out the scent of humans than a vampire's was. If they had looked at it as something pragmatic, instead of romantic, we could have given everyone a makeshift gas mask, courtesy of Jacob or Renesmee or Quil. But once the scarves were invested with emotional, romantic significance, getting one from Quil was out of the question. And getting one from Jake or Renesmee was out of the question for everyone but me.

Knowing it was futile, I still tried to get Edward to be pragmatic about it. But sometimes his old-fashioned ways were as exasperating as they were endearing. Truth be told, I understood why he would not use a scarf or blanket of Renesmee's, and why he no longer thought it proper to accept a token from me. But still... I hated to see him suffer.

It was a good thing that I had finally realized that giving him up didn't mean I had to stop loving him. Because that just wasn't going to happen.

I took another breath through my scarf and saw Carmen do the same with the one she got from Eleazar. Her token wasn't as effective as mine was; Eleazar's scent was barely enough to calm her down and keep her steady. I was a little better off than she was. But still, I was at my limits. She and I hardly dared breathe except through our scarves.

Fortunately, the others were a bit stronger or more practiced at this than we were. Kate and the Cullens only held their tokens to their faces occasionally, while Irina and Tanya made do with nothing but will power. They had no significant others to give them tokens of their favor—and too much pride to accept one from a friend. I marveled at their self-control.

Over in the men's group, Eleazar, Carlisle and Emmett would also only occasionally need their scarves. Jasper, who used to have so much trouble being around me and his human classmates, became a pillar of strength whenever he was in any kind of combat situation. He would be fine. But Garrett would be even worse than Carmen, holding himself very still, not interacting with anyone—and keeping his face buried in his hankie.

To the humans, it must have looked like most of the vampires had come down with a case of the sniffles.

We worked the women hard all day. Carlisle stopped by frequently to make sure that we stayed within their human limits. No one got heat stroke or keeled over; but if we had been drill sergeants in a boot camp, we would have been court martialed for abusing the cadets. By the time we finished, the women were exhausted, and the vampires were at the limits of their self control. At one point, Carmen positioned herself so that Leah was in between her and the rest of the women. Leah looked nervous and unhappy about having Carmen behind her, but she didn't say anything. A short time later, Carmen politely excused herself and left the room.

As the humans headed home, I thought I should probably say something to Leah. I approached her when she was far enough away from the others that I was sure they'd take the hint and give us some space. "Hey, Leah. You missed a good time at the cliffs the other night."

She looked at me warily, as if she thought I was setting some kind of trap. "Wouldn't have been good company," she said dryly, leaving it slightly ambiguous whether she meant she wouldn't, or we wouldn't.

I wasn't sure it was worth the effort, but I did feel badly about her situation with Sam and Emily. And she was probably still grieving for her father; it had been only a couple of months since Uncle Harry passed away. She was Uncle Harry's daughter, and Seth's big sister. And she was Jacob's pack. From what I understood, that meant we were going to be close, whether we liked it or not. She would be privy to some of Jakes most intimate thoughts, including thoughts about me. Even Jake's feelings would have an effect on her. Awkward as that was for me, I could hardly even imagine how awkward it must be for her.

Maybe it would be a little better if we were at least on speaking terms.

"Leah, look around," I said firmly, but trying to keep the edge out of my voice. "The Cullens and the Denalis don't have to be here. They could just leave, and the Volturi would never bother them. They're staying because they think it's the right thing to do. They're risking their lives for your family—our family. Isn't that worth something?"

She slumped a little at that. There was no denying my point. "_I_ wouldn't be good company," she conceded.

"You need to work on that, Leah. You used to be good company. You and I were never close, but I always thought of you as a friend. Look, I know you've been through a lot lately. And maybe it's none of my business, but... Well, actually it is my business. Your bad moods affect Jake too, you know."

"And his moods affect me, but you don't hear me bitching to you about it, do you? In fact, I really don't want to talk about it. Let's just say, no offense, but I was really rooting for Edward."

"Fine," I said and started to turn away.

"May I ask you something?" she said.

I turned back and looked at her.

"Have you really thought about what you're doing, to both of you—you and Jacob, I mean? I'm really not trying to offend you here, but do you have any idea how hard it is for me to even stand this close to you? How painful? And you can't give him any more kids, and no matter what he says you know it's hard for a macho guy like Jacob to have a girlfriend who's a hundred times stronger than he is. And I just totally broke pack etiquette, telling you his private feelings. But if you didn't already know all that, then you're an idiot."

"I know," I said. "Ironic, isn't it? It used to be painful for Edward to be with me, now it's painful for Jacob. That's part of why it was so hard to fully commit to staying with him. I kept thinking, maybe I should be with my own kind, as much for Jake's sake as anyone's."

"But I almost died when Edward left me 'for my own good.' I couldn't do the same thing to Jake."

"Okay, point taken," she said. "But what about you? What are you going to do if, or when, he imprints on someone? His instincts know you're not a good mate for him, even if he doesn't. You're as barren as I am now. You want us to be friends Bella? You want us to connect? Well, that's one thing we have in common: neither of us is a good mate for the men we love."

I guess it shouldn't have surprised me to hear that Leah was barren. No other woman had become a werewolf. Maybe internally, biologically, Leah had some male traits. It was rare, but it happened. That would be a blow to any woman's self identity, even if she didn't want kids, even if her fiancé hadn't left her. I felt a pang of sympathy for her, and a pang of worry for my own little wolf girl. But I resisted the urge to express either my worry or my sympathy. That would have only made her more angry. Instead, I answered her question.

"I've thought about it. But if it happens, at least I'm ready for it. Look, Leah, you got a raw deal, and we all know it. I don't know anyone else who's been through what you have. But... I do know people who've been through worse! My dad, your mom, Jake's dad, Irina. Everyone who's ever lost the person they love. When my mother ran out on Charlie, and took me with her, it almost killed him. But he'd take that again and say thank you before he'd swap places with your mom or Billy. You think I'm worried about Jacob imprinting? Yeah, I am. But I'm a lot more worried about him dying! Have you realized yet how likely that is, a few weeks from now? That's the thought that has me staring at him all night while he sleeps—trying to make sure I remember every hair and dimple, every curve of his lips and crease of his brow. And even if we make it through the battle... Jake says he's never heard of a werewolf living past two hundred. That's a young vampire! If he dies next month, I'll die with him. But a hundred years from now? Or two hundred? How would I go on? I don't know. But people do it. And I will if I have to. Jake wouldn't want me to... follow him. I'm sure I wouldn't be good company for a long time; just ask Jess or Mike or Angela or Dad. I was rotten company for a long time, when I lost the man I loved. But eventually..."

"Eventually, you've got to stop dealing with your pain by sharing it with everyone else."

I turned and went to join the men. I got there just as the Youngs brought Renesmee back from the rec center's nursery. They'd been babysitting her since early morning. That was the longest she had been separated from her family, or her imprint, since she was born. She immediately ran to Edward. That might have bothered me more if I couldn't see how frazzled he was, how much holding her helped to calm him down and cheer him up, the same way it did me. I didn't have long to be jealous anyway; Jake ran up to kiss me as soon as he saw me. I melted into the comfort of his arms, letting the stress of dealing with a gym full of humans – and Leah – flow out of me. It was a nice kiss, though it was not up to our usual standards. I was grateful that Jake was not being overly demonstrative in front of Edward. Grateful, because my own self-control was faltering. I wanted more, as much as I knew Jake did. I don't think I could have pushed him away if Jake had turned the kiss into a toe-curling make-out session.

Jake, Renesmee and I joined Rachel and Billy Black for dinner. I politely took a few sips of ice tea while the humans ate. A secret look from Jacob said that he knew I didn't like it. That was an understatement! But I pretended that it helped quench my thirst, for Billy and Rachel's sake. An unpleasant taste in my mouth was a small price to pay for a normal family dinnertime. Sitting at the dinner table, we talked about our day. The men had had better luck that we did in their 'recruitment' efforts. Two of their candidates, both young men in their twenties, were showing the early signs of the change. That was the best news I'd had all day.

Rachel and I had a very pleasant visit catching up on each other's lives. It had been a long time since we'd seen each other. Rachel wanted to know everything, from how I felt, when I first met Edward, to what it felt like to become a vampire. Those were both subjects that I didn't want to get into, for a whole host of reasons, but especially not in front of Jacob. Fortunately, he and I were expected to rejoin the rest of the group at Black's Bluff for more training, so I had a ready excuse not to go into too much detail. Stalling for time, I steered the conversation away from me, by getting her to tell me about Paul. I was very interested to get a better idea of what that was like from the perspective of the imprintee. Edward had been open on that subject, as far as I could tell. But I did want to get another perspective, and Rachel was more than happy to tell me about it.

"I got home pretty late Monday night, so I planned to go see you and Jake and my new niece first thing Tuesday morning. I still didn't know what the big emergency was, that I had to quit my summer job and rush home. Dad would hardly tell me anything on the phone, just: 'Get home as soon as you can.' I was worried that something might be wrong with you or the baby, and maybe Dad wanted me to help take care of her—or you. But Tuesday morning Dad sat me down and told me the real deal. I thought he'd gone crazy! I mean, I knew the legends. And, of course, the whole tribe called the Cullens the Cold Ones. But I never thought it was real! I just thought it was like an old feud. Like: we're the wolf people, and they're the bat people. Or something. But we're not real wolves! And real vampires? I mean, come on!"

"So Dad tells me that before we go to the Cullen's, we need to go to Sam and Emily's, and then I'll understand. And I was really starting to get irritated because it all sounded so ridiculous, and I wanted to be making some money in Hawaii, and if I had to come all the way here, then I wanted to see my new niece. But we went to Emily's—and absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what happened there. I walked into the house and saw the guys there. And I thought, wow, they really have gotten big. And then I saw Paul."

"And he saw me."

"He looked at me like... Well, I can't really describe it, but somehow it was like no one else ever really saw me before that. We hardly even knew each other, and suddenly it seemed like he knew me better than anyone. And I was... I wasn't instantly in love with him; it was more like I just knew that I could love him—so easily. And I knew that he loved me, like he had always loved me, and he was only just now discovering it. Does that make sense?"

"Sort of," I equivocated.

"Well, it should. Wasn't it about the same for you, with Jake?"

"Jake didn't imprint on me. We just fell in love the old fashion way."

"No, I didn't mean that. But when you first knew that you loved him, didn't it seem like you already loved him, had loved him for a long time, and you were only just then realizing it? And I know it was that way for Jake, 'cause you know, he's loved you since he was five."

"Five?" I asked, incredulously. My head jerked reflexively to look at Jake.

"You are so lucky you're an only child," Jake groaned.

Billy gave a low chuckle and said, "At five, I think it's called a crush."

"Aren't you the one who told me a crush is just love, learning how to walk?" asked Rachel, causing Billy to grumble. Then she sang, "Yes, they called it, puppy looove."

We all groaned at the bad singing, and the bad joke.

"I did not have a crush on Bella when I was five," said Jake. "Nine, maybe. And I completely forgot about that by the time I was twelve, when she stopped visiting every summer. And when I saw her again at first beach, it wasn't like my old crush rushing back. It was more like: 'Gosh, I knew she was cool, but I didn't know she was so hot.'"

I chuckled, and I would've blushed if I could.

"So," I asked, noticing the time, "should we leave Renesmee here with Grandpa and Aunt Rachel?"

"Nope," Jake said. "She has lessons too."

"What?" I exclaimed. "What kind of lessons?" If somebody was thinking of trying to use her talents against the Volturi, somebody was about to learn a painful lesson of his own. I still hadn't completely forgiven him for the stupid nickname.

"Riding lessons. You never know when you're going to need a quick getaway."

Oh. I couldn't argue with that.

We ran to Black's Bluff from Jake's house, with Jake in wolf form and Renesmee on his back. Jake took it slow, compared to his normal speed. And I ran beside them, ready to catch her if she slipped. Her Nessie or even Carlie forms probably wouldn't be hurt by the fall, but I'm very safety conscious.

At first, Renesmee was also very nervous or at least uncertain about riding. She seemed to phase back and forth from Nessie to Carlie with every bounce, as she tried to decide which form was more comfortable. She even became Claire once. She had seen Claire riding Quil, so she probably thought that would be a good form for riding. But Claire doesn't have superhuman strength, so she quickly changed back to Nessie before she could fall. By the time we got to Black's Bluff, she had settled on Carlie as her riding form, and was thoroughly enjoying herself. Jake still wasn't going full speed, but I still had to really run to keep up with him.

"You know, Jake," I said, as I ran beside him. "We should think about creating a language for werewolves." I was not at all out of breath, even though I was running at close to my top speed.

His look said, _You've got to be kidding._

"I'm serious. Edward's going to have to translate for us tonight and every night that we practice together. And now that you're in different packs, he even has to translate for you and Quil. You know how quick that's going to get old."

He made a grumbling growl of assent.

"See?" I said. "I knew what you meant by that growl, in context. All we have to do is formalize it, come up with a system of growls, whines and barks to mean whatever we want them to. It'll be a little like the click-speak that African Bushmen use. Vampires have total recall, and your memory is almost as good as ours; couple that with the pack mind to help figure things out, and we could have a working language in a couple of weeks. That could be a big help in the battle."

Jake nodded contemplatively.

"Of course, I will miss you not being able to talk back to me; Rosalie will probably say I should have my head examined."

Jake snickered.

The Cullens and Denalis were already waiting for us in the large clearing at Black's Buff. So were Leah and Quil. And I was surprised to see that the Youngs were there as well. Quil was in human form and stood in a little clump with the Youngs and Esme, slightly apart from the other vampires. Leah lounged in wolf form at the edge of the clearing, up wind from the rest of us, but she got up and came over to us as soon as we got there. Her eyes locked on Jacob's, and she did not seem to have her usual belligerent demeanor. It almost looked like she was standing at attention. Edward came over to greet us with a cheerful smile.

As soon as he got close enough, about twenty feet away, Renesmee leaped into his arms with a gleeful cry of "Bwudsucka!"

Edward laughed, but he gave me a signaling look with his eyes. I understood. He didn't want to correct her, but he thought I should. His gentlest corrections seemed to have the power of an alpha command on her, so he used them very sparingly. I hoped she would outgrow that, but for the time being, Jake and I handled most corrections. "Renesmee," I said, "you should call him Uncle Edward. Or, maybe just Edward. Do you understand?"

She nodded to me then looked back at Edward, her nose almost touching his. "Ewar, wide?" she asked.

Edward chuckled. "No, thank you. I run almost as fast as he does, and my weight would slow him down. But would you like to ride again, if I ran along with you? Maybe you could let Claire ride with you. I bet she'd like that."

Renesmee nodded eagerly.

"Good. But let me talk to your parents for a minute first, okay?" He turned to me and Jake, and his brow wrinkled slightly.

"Claire?" I asked.

"Quil's idea. But I think it's a good one. The children need to practice riding together."

"Oh." That did make sense.

He glanced back at Leah before he spoke again. "It's the strangest thing. I haven't been able to hear Leah's thoughts for at least sixteen minutes. That's when I first noticed it, though she could have been silent for a while before that." Leah's and Jake's ears both perked up, obviously interested in this news.

"I assume you're shielding Jacob. Are you shielding Leah too?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Just Jake."

I had started shielding Jake as a matter of course. It seemed like good practice, and I knew how much he hated for Edward to be 'in his head'. I was also curious whether the shield would cut the telepathic link between Jake and Leah. But apparently not.

"Would you lower it, please?" Edward asked. "I need to talk to Jacob. And I'll need to be able to interpret for him and the other wolves while we practice."

I withdrew the shield that I had wrapped around Jacob, and Edward's eyes grew wider. "Astonishing," he said. "Shielding Jacob also shields Leah, even when they are miles apart!" Addressing Jake and Leah, he asked, "How did it affect your telepathic link? No? Amazing. Yes, you're right, Jacob. This is good news."

Turning back to me, he said, "Jacob was just saying what great news this is. It means you can protect the whole pack, just by shielding one of them. We'll have to experiment more with that later. Right now, we want the children to get in a little riding practice before Claire gets too tired. It's already past her bed time."

It was good news, for the upcoming battle, and that was the important thing. But it was also disturbing! If shielding Jake protected Leah, that implied that they were much more like two parts of the same creature than I had realized. I shivered just a little, a very human reaction that I didn't know I could still do, and I hoped no one noticed.

Edward helped the children with their riding lessons. His telepathic ability was invaluable in letting him know if they were getting scared or losing their balance. Jake took a few turns playing horsey, but they mostly concentrated on teaching the kids to ride on Leah and Quil. If things went badly, one of them would probably be the one to get the children to safety. Quil, because Claire was his imprint, and because he would be holding her, at least in the early part of the battle; or Leah, because she was the fastest runner and the weakest fighter.

Claire could ride okay at low speeds, but she needed Renesmee to hold on to her if the werewolf was really running; so the two of them practiced together. As quickly as she was growing, and as fast as she learned things, I expected that by the end of the month Renesmee would be able to leap from one running werewolf to another, carrying her little playmate safely with her. And she just might need that ability.

At Edward's suggestion, I went to talk with Esme, George and Carol, while he and Jake worked with the children.

"Bella," Esme greeted me warmly, taking my hands in hers; but there was also a serious tone to her voice. Something was up. "We've been working on some contingency plans. You know, just in case. And Carlisle has come up with a plan. I was just explaining it to George and Carol. They don't like it. They very understandably don't like it, but I do think that it gives them their best – and possibly their only – chance of survival, if we lose."

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

"You remember us telling you about our acquaintances, Vlad and Stefan, from Romania? They have certain hypnotic and mental powers that, while creepy, can be very useful."

I frowned. They had indeed told me about them. And I agreed; Vlad and Stefan sounded very creepy, and their mental powers sounded even creepier. I nodded reluctantly for her to continue.

"We have used their services in the past, to alter the memories of people who learned too much about us. Others have too. Tanya and Kate have each used their services, and Garrett. Two hundred and thirty years ago, he tried to renew a mortal friendship. Though he managed not to kill the man, he was not as successful as you have been in that area. Ultimately, he had no choice but to ask Vlad and Stephan to make his friend forget what he had learned. We don't do it lightly, but in this case, if we lose the battle, it will be the only way to get the Volturi to leave the Youngs alone. That is, to leave them alive."

"Would that be enough to get the Volturi to leave them alone?" I asked. "And can we trust the Romanians?"

"Yes to both. I think. Neither the Volturi nor the Romanians would have any interest in normal humans, or at least no interest worth breaking their own codes of honor over. By the Volturi's own law, human families and friends are off limits, unless they know things that they shouldn't. That rule is a very strong incentive to get new vampires to sever old ties. It helps to keep the secret, and to keep the peace. As for the Romanians, they pride themselves on keeping their words of honor. And they charge a lot for this service. They can be trusted – to a point."

I saw George and Carol shiver at that, but they reluctantly agreed that if things went badly, this could be their only hope. I agreed too, but something seriously bothered me about this, something that Esme quickly picked up on.

"No, Bella," she said softly. "We never even considered doing that to you, and not just because of your resistance to mental intrusions. It would have been wrong. And it would have broken our hearts. But in this case, even if Quil is still alive, he will have to take Renesmee on the run, and Claire will never be able to see him again. With the imprint... Without the Romanians' help, that might be too much for a young child to bear."

And wouldn't it be twice as hard on Renesmee, if Edward was lost to her? A hundred times harder? I wanted to scream, to demand that Edward could not, must not be lost! But I held my tongue. Esme already knew that Edward was in even more danger than the rest of us. She didn't need me to remind her. She could not love Edward more, if he was her own son, but she held her grief at bay and worked to keep these people she barely knew safe. I saw only the tiniest hint of tension in her eyes, too subtle for a human to see. To the Youngs, she was the picture of serenity. How could I do any less.

"We'll make most of the arrangements," she continued after giving us a moment for things to sink in. "But only George and Carol will know the rendezvous point with the Romanians. They will also have a new cell phone. None of us will know the number, but it will be programmed into another cell phone that will be in Claire's backpack. Whoever has the children will call the Youngs to find out where to meet."

I nodded. It sounded like a good plan. We had to take such extreme measures because Aro could find out anything any of us knew.

"And Bella," Esme added. "I think Charlie and Renee should go with them."

I froze at her words. Send my parents to meet a couple of very dangerous, notoriously dangerous, vampires – vampires who would then alter their memories and muck with their minds? How much would they forget? Surely they wouldn't forget that they ever had a daughter or even a granddaughter? No, that would raise all kinds of questions, when they got to talking to townsfolk; it would expose more than it hid. But they would forget all about Renesmee, the real Renesmee. They would just remember that I'd had twins, named Nessie and Carlie. And then we'd all been killed, along with most of the Quileute people, in some strange upheaval in La Push. People would probably blame the Cullen/Quileute feud.

No. I did not want that. But if it came to that, then it would be the only way to keep my parents alive. They knew too much. In the end, there was no question. No choice. I slowly, unwillingly, nodded. After the Youngs left, Esme explained more details of the plan to me. Once the humans were safely given amnesia, whoever had her—Quil or Leah, I assumed—would take Renesmee on the run. "Jasper will help you forge travel papers," Esme explained. "But you'll have to do the last part yourself. If Jasper knew the names on the papers, then Aro could learn it from him. You're probably proof against Aro's power; we can only hope and trust that you are. Anyway, you should make at least three sets: one for Quil, one for Leah and one for yourself."

"No," I said firmly. "None for me. Someone else."

"You won't be on the front lines, Bella," she patiently argued. "You might be in the best position to get the children away."

"Or you might, or anyone," I said. "In the chaos of battle, anything could happen. I'll get the children away if I have to, of course, if I'm the only one who can. But it's not something I'll plan for. I don't plan to leave Jacob again. Ever."

Our first week in La Push we quickly settled into a routine of fighting practice, fighting practice and more fighting practice. Our only short break was that first Monday night. That was graduation night for both La Push and Forks high schools. It was a tiny, but unnecessary, distraction from our tight schedule. I could hardly believe the family insisted on my going. But it was mostly for Charlie's sake, and I couldn't argue with that.

Jake and Charlie took turns holding Renesmee, while they watched me and Edward and Alice get our diplomas. Renesmee was in Nessie form because large crowds made her nervous. Despite resenting the time away from practice, I was happy to see the old gang, probably for the last time. They gushed over Nessie, and my preternatural hearing didn't catch a single unkind comment about our strange situation. They were good friends, especially Angela, and even Mike. He gave me a friendly congratulatory hug. Then he looked over my shoulder, and his face looked chagrined.

"I never stood a chance, did I?" he asked, smiling wanly.

I looked where he was looking and saw Jake and Edward, looking like a couple of figures out Roman mythology. They stood out in the crowd of graduates and well-wishers the way that Jupiter and Mars stand out among the stars.

"Neither did I, Mike," I said. "Neither did I."

The Cullens and the Denali had rooms at the La Push Motel, but they hardly used them. They spent most of their time at the civics center or up at Black's Bluff, where we practiced under the cover of darkness and rain. For my part, I spent my evenings at the Black's, leaving after Jake fell asleep. I could have watched him and Renesmee sleep all night, every night, but I had shield practice. And I often needed to hunt.

By the end of the first week, we had six more werewolves, all men, all in their twenties. We considered dropping the women's class and focusing entirely on the men, but Alice continued to have the feeling that we were on the right track. Unreliable as her vision was, with so many werewolves around, we were skeptical, but still decided to give it a little more time.

My hopes were buoyed by this little werewolf population explosion – not so much by my progress with my shield. I could protect as many as five people at a time now, from up to fifty yards away, if they stayed close together. That wasn't good enough, not nearly! I needed to protect thirteen vampires, all scattered about, and a couple of alpha werewolves. I needed to redouble my efforts, and I didn't know if I could. I seemed to be pushing my limits.

Saturday night, Jake stayed up later than usual. He watched impassively as I attempted to shield Emmett, Jasper and Irina while they fought Kate, Edward and Garrett. If my shield held, it would neutralize Kate's and Edward's edges, and my team should easily be able to win. But the fight was so chaotic, the combatants moved around so quickly, that it was impossible to keep three shields in place for more than a few seconds at a time. I needed to somehow attach the shields to the people they protected, so that they would move together without my conscious control. I could do it a little, but only for short bursts. The result was that the two sides were exceptionally evenly matched. My team would start to gain an advantage, then my shield would slip and someone would double over in pain from Kate's touch. Or Edward would suddenly know his opponent's every move before he made it. Their team would start to gain an advantage, when suddenly Edward and Kate would lose their edge and find themselves totally outmatched by the three strongest pure fighters I had ever seen. The fight raged for two hours before I gave out completely, and Edward's team cleaned our clocks.

Jake gave me a couple of minutes to recover before he called us all to a quick strategy session. "We still have several weeks to go, and I know Bella's going to continue to get better," he said, tossing me a sop. "But I want us to think about what we're going to do if she can't protect everyone. Deaf and blind family members won't be anything but a liability. We'll want to protect them—need to protect them – but we won't be able to! With just a couple of exceptions, anyone who isn't shielded has to run. There's no other way. There should be no guilt, and no hesitation."

He paused for a moment, but he didn't really need to. We all knew he was right.

"So, if she can't protect everyone," he continued, "she'll shout out a number to tell us who all is covered. If your number is higher than what she shouts – run! One and two are Sam and me; that will protect all the wolves. Then it's strongest first: Three is Edward, four Alice, five Kate..."

"What?" Jasper practically shouted, and he looked like he was about to attack Jacob. Alice gripped his arm, and though it looked effortless, I knew it would take a bulldozer to break her grip. He calmed only a little and said, "I protect Alice! If she stays, I stay! Don't look at me that way, love. Yeah, you can call it chauvinist. But that's the way it is! Besides, I'm the better fighter."

Jake nodded. "But Alice can fight, even if Bella's shield slips. I've seen her fight blindfolded, same with Edward. Point is, Alice and Edward will be the last ones incapacitated by Alec's power, whether Bella's actually shielding them or not, so I put them at the top of the list – after the Pack leaders. We'll put them on the opposite end of the line from Jane, so Bella can afford to let their shields slip, if she needs to protect someone else."

Jasper nodded, but he raised his hand like a high schooler with an attitude. Jacob let him speak. "You're right," he said, his southern drawl more pronounced than usual. "I can't fight blindfolded, the way Alice can. But my talent can still be a might useful. It's hard to fight while you're havin' a panic attack."

Jacob arched an eyebrow appreciatively. "I didn't know you could do that. Okay then. The three of you are pretty much stuck with us. Where was I? Oh yeah. Kate's obvious. I'll have two wolves with her. She'll stun a vampire, and the wolves'll rip it – sorry, him or her – apart. Emmett, Garrett..."

Garrett cleared his throat, and Jake looked at him tolerantly. "I know, you beat him four falls out of seven, but he's better in a brawl than you are. Throwing one guy into two is a real good way to soften up a crowd." Emmett gave Garrett a smug look.

"But I am with Kate," Garrett said simply.

"And I'm with Emmett," added Rosalie.

Jake exhaled in defeat. "Fine. Shoot, this is harder than I thought."

While Jake was speaking, Irina walked over to a long satchel lying a few paces away. She interrupted Jake before he could start again. "I wondered when I might get a chance to show this off," she said with a playful smile.

From the satchel, she pulled out a wicked-looking broadsword that was almost as tall as Alice. It gleamed in the starlight. Its blade looked silver, but I suspected it was some kind of platinum alloy. But what really stood out was its jagged white edge. A hundred and eight teeth lined the cutting edge of the sword, and twenty more ran from the tip, down the first five inches of the back. Realization made my stone-hard skin crawl. Those teeth were alive! Like Ryley's severed hand, unless they were thrown into a very hot fire, they would never die. I saw Jasper shudder, and I had a feeling that some tiny spark of malice lived on in each of them.

Like its owner, the blade was both beautiful and terrible. Irina struck a heroic pose, and I heard Jake's heart skip a beat.

I'd give him a hard time about that later.

He looked at the sword again and gulped. "I'm sure glad you didn't use that in our duel."

"It seemed an unfair advantage for a duel of honor," she said simply.

"Will the Volturi have weapons like that?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

She shook her head. "Some of their allies might. But the Volturi are far too civilized," she said the word with a sneer. "This," she added, "is a barbarian's weapon." Something in her prideful tone told me that she had not bought the sword—not with money, anyway. I was sure there was an interesting story behind every set of teeth. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to hear them.

"Okay," Jake continued, "Irina before..."

"Kate." Irina said plainly. Kate looked like she wanted to object, but she backed down under her sister's steely stare.

Jake took a deep breath before getting to the final five. In that brief pause, I had time to contemplate how unquestioningly both the Denali and the Cullens accepted Jake's assessment of their fighting abilities. Everyone differed to him on military matters, even Rosalie, who always seemed to look down on him. And even Jasper and Garrett, who'd had illustrious military carriers in their mortal lives – and over a hundred years of experience each, as vampires. Jake had, I realized, become our general. I suppose it was true what they say: talent will out.

"Carlisle," Jake said in such a serious tone that it made my attention snap back to him, "you're a better fighter than Tanya or Eleazar or Carmen. But... I need you and Esme to get the kids to safety. Quil will definitely be able to fight; if Bella's shielding anyone, she's shielding Sam, and that means she's shielding Quil. If Quil can fight, and some of you can't, then he'll hand Claire and Renesmee to you and try to cover your Claire to her parents, and get Renesmee... as far away as you can."

Carlisle and Esme both nodded contemplatively and shared just the briefest glance between them, before Esme spoke. "A good plan, Jacob," she said, "No less than we've come to expect from you. But you're wrong this time. If it comes to that, Eleazar and Carmen will get the children to safety. Do not fear; they will make excellent guardians for Renesmee. You could not ask for better."

Eleazar and Carmen both started at that, but it was Jake who spoke. "But... Carmen and Eleazar aren't good with people the way you are—with humans, I mean," he argued. "And Renesmee will need to be with humans. We humans are social animals, werewolves even more than regular folks. Plus, you're her adoptive grandparents. That makes her your responsibility."

"And we are their parents," said Carlisle, sweeping his hand to indicate the younger Cullens and me. "And we lead the Cullen coven. We will not leave them. If Bella is unable to protect us, then we will retreat out of Alec's range, but we will not leave the field of combat. As for Carmen and Eleazar, they have discovered hidden strengths this past week. They will be able to live among humans." He turned to face Eleazar, who looked like he was about to object. "Do not fight me on this, old friend. You long ago accepted Tanya as the leader of your coven; you cannot take her place at the front. And you have pledged fealty to Jacob. You cannot refuse this charge."

Eleazar and Carmen looked at each other for a moment. Then Carmen nodded to her beloved, and he nodded back. I noticed that vampire couples often communicated wordlessly. Were we all a little bit psychic, or was it just that after many decades, sometimes centuries together, loving couples had little need for words? Eleazar turned back to us and said, "Perhaps my pride should be more hurt to be told that you all exceed me in fighting skill. But that would be foolish. You are the most extraordinary people I have ever had the honor to know—and not merely in fighting prowess."

"Jacob, Bella," he said to us, "if the need arises, we will be most honored to care for Renesmee as our own. And do not worry about us living among humans. Purpose gives strength. There will be no accidents."

I had no doubt that he was right, no fear that he or Carmen would ever have an accident – not with Renesmee, no matter what form she took – nor with the human friends and playmates she would one day have. Carmen and Eleazar would be more than just good vampires, controlling their thirsts with iron wills. They would be good parents, as good as any I could ask for. It was a good thing I didn't bother with contacts in the evenings. They would have dissolved in seconds.

We returned to our fighting practice with renewed vigor. Jake wanted to continue to practice with us, but this time it was my turn to pull rank on him. I made him go to bed. Werewolves need their sleep.


	27. Initiated

**27. Initiated**

"Jacob! Are you ready?" I called to him from the den at his house. "You don't want to be late for your own daughter's baptism, do you?"

He was still in his bedroom getting dressed, and I was starting to get impatient. I was not a big church goer; the last time I had been was last September, with Carlisle and Esme. And I wasn't really up on the whole baptism thing, anyway. But if I was going to go, then I didn't want to be late. Wasn't it supposed to be women who were slow to get ready?

Well, admittedly vampires did have certain advantages in that area. And I did wear dresses a lot more often than Jacob wore suits.

Ironically, to me, the whole thing seemed almost sacrilegious. Not because we were vampires and werewolves, but because it felt like we were trying to buy God's favor, or something. Like, this was just one more contingency plan. If things go badly, she's got her ticket to Australia. If things go really badly, she's got her ticket into heaven. It seemed to me, if God didn't already know what an angel she was, pouring a little water on her head wasn't likely to convince him.

But Billy and Carlisle and Esme said it wasn't like that. Ceremonies, according to them, helped remind us of our purpose—in this case, of our commitment to love and care for Renesmee, as well as to raise her to be a good person. They were the ones who really cared the most about the ceremony, but Quil and Rosalie did seem to appreciate being asked to be her godparents. And Jake and Edward and Charlie and... almost everybody thought it was a good thing to do. I didn't see how I could object in the face of all that.

So we were getting ready for church.

"Yeah," Jake called back. "Just abOww!" His quick yelp of pain faded into softly whispered expletives. "That's three. Who's idea was it to let Rosalie—and Leah—go shopping for me?"

He came out of his room holding out a sewing pin for me to see. There was the tiniest glint of red at the tip. I had to choke back a laugh. I mean, it wasn't very funny, but it was a little. Then I looked past the pin, at Jacob.

"Wowza." I exclaimed softly. It was a good thing I didn't need to breathe because seeing him standing there took my breath away. The suit was blue, a summertime light blue just a little darker than the sky over forks, or what you could see of it between the clouds. His shirt was gray silk, almost white, almost exactly the same color as the clouds over forks. His tie was earth-toned paisley with colors that somehow pulled together the blue suit with the light brown of his eyes and darker brown of his hair. It was a simple suit, nothing fancy about it, but the cut was perfect, as only a tailor-made suit could be. And Jacob filled it out as only Jacob could. He made it look like a Rembrandt.

I found Jake's arms wrapped around me before I even realized he had moved. That's how distracted I was. That close, I couldn't really see his suit any more, and I was forced to crane my head upward and stare into his eyes. A better than fair trade, I thought.

"Wowza? Is that even a real word?"

"Of course it's a real word," I said. "It's the contraction of 'wow' and 'huzzah'."

"I sure don't think I've ever heard you say it before."

"Because I've never seen you in a suit before. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I saw you in anything that actually fit. And where are the rips? The tears? The bursting seems? The buttons stretching to meet the button holes?"

He shut me up with a passionate kiss that completely filled my senses. Exactly the response I'd been hoping for. Jake knew me so well. I kissed him back with equal fervor, glad that Billy and Rachel had already taken Renesmee. Just when I began to consider forgetting about church and steering him back into the bedroom, he pulled back. Again he held up the sewing pin. "What do you think? Rosalie or Leah?" He didn't look really angry, but slightly put out.

"Well..." I hedged, as I straightened his tie. "It is a tailored suit. That sometimes happens."

He gave an incredulous look, shook his head and flipped the pin down the hall to the kitchen. It embedded deeply into the small bulletin board that hung on the refrigerator. Jake turned to collect his keys and wallet. I took one quick glance at the pin, twenty three feet away. I judged that it had stuck two and a half millimeters into the metal door behind the cork. I decided not to say anything about that to Jacob—though Billy probably would. My expression said that I was impressed, and that was true enough.

He picked up the conversation again, as he drove us to church. "You sure you don't know any more about that? I don't know which one surprises me more: Rosalie and Leah doing something together, or Rosalie and Leah doing something nice for me—not counting the pins. I guess, even on their best behavior, they have to needle me a bit."

"Ugh, Bad pun alert," I groaned. "Why are you asking me anyway? You're the one with the mind link with Leah. Don't you know what she's thinking?"

"I'm trying to avoid phasing at the same time as her or the pups."

'Cub' was standard werewolf slang for a new werewolf. 'Pup' was a bit derogatory, but Jake seemed to consider it part of their training—like a drill sergeant calling the new recruits 'girls'. Jake and Leah had four pups now. Ugh, I grimaced at the imagery that invoked. Jake and Leah had four cubs_ – four new werewolves – _in their pack. There, that was better. A little. Technically, the pups were all older than either Jake or Leah, but that didn't seem to matter with them, any more than it did with say... Jasper and Esme.

"You're avoiding Leah?" I asked. "I thought you two were getting along pretty well since you officially made her second in command."

"Yeah, pretty good. But I've got too many secrets, and it's getting harder and harder not to think about them, 'cause I spend so much time in strategy sessions."

"Oh, right." I should have thought of that.

I couldn't help noticing the parallels between 'The B Team,' as Jake affectionately called his little pack, and the Cullens. Jake and Leah might be playing mommy and daddy more reluctantly than Carlisle and Esme did, but they still did it; it was a role they couldn't avoid. By necessity, Jake was a mostly-absentee daddy, though. So that left Leah to look after the 'youngsters'. How very fifties. I still hated that our leaders were being so secretive about their battle plans, but it was true that the pups were extremely volatile and undisciplined. They'd have a hard time keeping any secrets without being compelled by an alpha command. And even an Alpha command only went so far, as I well knew. So Jake felt that he could not afford to let Leah or the pups pick his brain.

Jake, Carlisle, Alice and Edward were our chief strategists. Jasper was a superb tactician but not so hot a strategist, so he wasn't let in on some of the high-level strategy sessions – need to know, only. Carlisle was an even better strategist than Jake, though not as good a tactician. But even Carlisle was left out of some sessions. Alice saw a remote possibility that he would get a chance to meet privately with Aro, to try to negotiate a peace treaty with the Volturi and avoid the fight completely. And there was an even more remote possibility that it might work. Remote as it was, if we got that opportunity, then we couldn't afford to miss it. But if Carlisle did meet with Aro, then Aro would learn every secret plan Carlisle knew. One touch, that's all it took for Aro to absorb every memory a person had.

"But anyway," I said, getting back to the subject of Rosalie and Leah's shopping trip. "Of course Rosalie had to get new clothes for the baptism. She is going to be Renesmee's godmother after all." Jake turned to look at me in surprise. We both laughed. Between the two of them, Rosalie and Alice spent more on clothes than the rest of the women of Forks, combined. I couldn't imagine what she thought she needed – except something new-er. "And I guess it made sense to take Leah. She does know your tastes after all. Actually, I think getting her to pick up something for you might have been Edward's idea," I added.

"God, I miss privacy," Jake muttered, scowling. After a moment of quiet brooding, Jake shook his head and looked back at me, smiling. I appreciated his almost preternatural ability to cheer himself up with a simple shake of his head.

"Becky sounded good," I offered.

"Yeah, I'm glad she doesn't need to be a part of all this."

I nodded my agreement. Jake's sister, Rebecca, was going to school in Hawaii. She was also almost nine months pregnant, with twins no less. She and Rachel were twins, and twins did tend to be more likely to have more twins, so it wasn't a complete shock. It was still a surprise, and special, and a little dangerous. But at least it kept her out of all this. We were trying to keep the vampires away from preteens and expectant mothers as much as possible, especially those that might carry the wolf gene. So we had not even told Rebecca what was going on. She was safer in Hawaii. And there was no point in worrying her needlessly.

I also felt badly about the way things had worked out there. I felt like I was coming between Rebecca and the rest of her family. I especially hated that we had taken her twin sister away from her at such a crucial time. Rachel had originally planned to spend the summer with Rebecca in Hawaii, have some fun, earn some money, and be available if her sister needed any help. Instead, she was stuck in La Push, attending boot camp and helping me take care of my baby. Renesmee was her niece too, of course, but I wasn't her twin sister.

Adding insult to injury, Rebecca still believed that I had also had twins, stealing some of her thunder there, on top of everything else.

"Stop feeling guilty about things that aren't your fault, Bells," said Jacob, seeming to read my mind again, though he swore there was nothing supernatural about it. "Save your anger for Victoria and the Volturi. And if you want to punish yourself, do it on the practice field, where it'll do some good."

He was right. I knew he was right. He was usually right, whenever he got serious.

Maybe a great big check for the baby shower would keep her from hating me too much. No, that would only make her resent me more. I'd wait; If things went badly, she'd get the codes to a Swiss bank account, a package of forged papers and running instructions. If things went well, I could give her a proper baby gift and smooth things out in person.

"Say, You're not going to burst into flame or anything, when we go in, are you?" Jake asked, as he parked his Rabbit in the church parking lot.

"Har, har. You sure picked a fine time to ask." I shot back as I got out of the car. "For your information, Carlisle has not gone a single Sunday without attending church, somewhere or another, in over three hundred years. No immolations or bolts from the blue, so far."

"Carlisle's not quite the danger magnet you are."

"Well, if you're worried about it, we could blow this off and go find a more secluded place to park." I offered suggestively.

"Trying to tempt me into sin, and away from the path of righteousness, Miss Swan?" he asked. "They warned me about dating a succubus."

I was about to lob his insult back at him, trying to decide which of the many potential plays on the word 'succubus' I should use. Then I noticed where we were, and decided that would not be appropriate. Besides, he had a point. I was, at least halfheartedly, trying to tempt him.

Though I had come to enjoy attending church services with Carlisle and Esme last year, I really wasn't much of a church goer. And I was feeling very... amorous lately, and more than just a little frustrated. Newborn vampires have very powerful, nearly overwhelming, physical desires. Thirst overrode all lesser needs, for a typical newborn, but I had my thirst pretty well under control. I was very proud of myself for that. But that, if anything, made my other needs even more acute. Jake's grueling schedule and moving in with Rachel and Billy hadn't helped matters.

And I knew he had a lot on his mind, but still... His passionate kisses told me that Jake was still attracted to me, as well as being still in love with me, but we hadn't done anything... more, since my first night as a vampire. In fact, I was beginning to get a bit worried about it. I had promised to go to church today, and of course I couldn't miss Renesmee's baptism, so I wasn't serious about ditching; but I resolved that after church he and I needed to have a serious talk. Or maybe not talk. Action was what was called for here. And I was planning to let it speak much, much louder than words.

As soon as I entered the sanctuary, I was reminded of one reason I wasn't big on ceremonies. The two front pews on both sides were reserved for my big family. Charlie sat in the middle of the right front pew, holding Renesmee. And there was a place saved for me and Jake between him and Rachel. No slipping quietly into the back for the mother of the baptismal candidate.

As much as I hated the attention, I did love the fact that so many people were there to show their love and support. The church was pretty crowded, not even counting our group. I guess more people were drawn by curiosity to see the vampires up close than were repelled by fear, or by the thought of having us in church. Most everyone in La Push knew who and what we were by then. Everyone in the sanctuary knew – except Charlie, who I'm sure had his suspicions.

Edward helped make sure that there were no outsiders present. Otherwise we would have had to keep up the pretense that I had two daughters: Nessie and Carlie. I was glad we did not have to play such games. My daughter was properly baptized with the name that I had given her – my favorite name: Renesmee Carlie Black. We named Rose and Quil her godparents. They were perfect lady and gentleman, as they accepted their responsibilities. They even smiled cheerfully at each other. A first. But I sincerely hoped not a last.

After the service, Jake asked me to stay and talk with him for a few minutes. Well, I thought, great minds do think alike. The service ended at twelve ten, and by twelve twenty the sanctuary was empty except for me, Jake and one of the church officers, who stayed to lock the doors. Jake asked him if we could have a few minutes, and he asked Jake to make sure the doors were latched when he left. Then we were alone.

"Was it as painful as you expected?" he asked teasingly.

"No," I admitted, "just a little uncomfortable."

"Really?" he asked.

"I just have a hangup about religious ceremonies. Don't worry Jacob; I'll never be very religious myself, but I don't mind raising Renesmee in your religious tradition."

Jake nodded in understanding. "So, I'm guessing you probably wouldn't want to get married in a church?"

I grimaced. "Probably not," I agreed nervously.

"Well, do you think you'd mind getting engaged in one?" He held out his hand to me, palm upward.

I looked down at his hand and saw the simple, elegant ring nestled in his palm. The center stone was seven tenths of a carrot. A cluster of smaller stones formed a half heart to bracket it. The matching wedding band, I knew, would complete the heart. The ring did not look new; my sharp eyes could see tiny imperfections and signs of wear. But that did not detract from its beauty. It looked lovely. It was perhaps the prettiest thing I'd ever seen, that wasn't alive or part of a person. While I looked at the ring, Jake sank to one knee.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?" he asked.

"Only if you promise to call me Bella," I said, almost choking on the words.

I held my hand out for him to put the ring on my finger. "It's lovely," I said, as it fit onto the place where it belonged. And then it was part of a person, part of me.

"It was my mother's," he said softly.

"I thought it might have been," I admitted.

I pulled him up and into me for a long kiss. If I had not been self conscious about where we were, I would not have pulled him up, but instead would have sunk down to the floor with him. I pulled back when I began to fear that the pleasure of kissing me would soon turn to pain for Jacob. I had to be careful to keep my passion under some control. "Let's do it," I said. "Let's get married today. Now. If we hurry, we can probably catch Reverend Holloway before he leaves."

"Whoa. Slow down Bells, uh Bella. You don't want to cheat your friends and family out of a wedding, do you?"

"Bells is fine," I said with a grin. "And they'll be fine too. Most of our family is right outside."

"Most of my family is in Miami," he reminded me sternly. "And your mother's in Florida too. And what about Alice?"

"Huh? What about her? She's..."

"She'd never forgive us if we didn't let her plan our wedding. And she'd take it out on me! You can still plead newborn temporary insanity."

"Oh, she wouldn't really mind," I said. But I could hear the lie in my own voice.

Jake's look said that he could hear it too. "How many times has she complained that you didn't get a proper graduation party? Or baby shower? That you didn't go to the prom this year? Alice isn't one to complain about things that are already past – unless she's dropping not-so-subtle hints about the future. 'It's not the wedding I was planning to be planning.' Do you remember her saying that?"

"Ugh!" I groaned. "She'll turn it into the Beijing opening ceremonies! I want quiet and simple!" _And soon!_

"Your family isn't just you and Renee and Charlie any more, Bells. Quiet and simple aren't even in your vocabulary."

"Ugh," I groaned again, but halfheartedly this time. It was a small price to pay – in the big scheme of things.

"Fine," I said at last. "Let's go try to get the best deal we can. She'll want a month to prepare. Let's plan to give her a week. We'll start the negotiations at four days. That's enough time for Renee to fly up here. And she'll want to spend the gross domestic product of a small country! You explain that the economy of La Push can't handle too much influx at once. I did a term paper on the aftermath of Woodstock – nightmare."

"Okay, I'll try for quiet and simple – relatively speaking. But uh, I think we should plan for two days before the battle."

"What!" I exclaimed. "Jake I can't wait that long!"

I slapped my hand over my face as soon as I said it. I could not actually blush; my skin neither warmed nor reddened, but I'm sure my expression told the tale. When I saw the grin spread across Jacob's face, my eyes narrowed to let him know that he should choose his next words very carefully.

"Well..." Jake drawled. "Things have been kind of, uh, busy lately. And uh, I wasn't completely sure... that you'd say yes."

"I did ask you first," I reminded him.

"And then you took it back," he countered.

"Newborn wildness," I pleaded. "You know, Jasper even bet that I'd kill someone – probably you! I think I did very well, considering."

Jake grunted disapprovingly.

"Postpartum depression," I offered. "P. T. S. D. Shell shock. Extreme stress."

Jake cocked an eyebrow and looked at me skeptically.

"Temporary insanity?"

"Okay," Jake laughed. "I'll accept that one."

"Why two days before the battle?" I asked with growing impatience.

"How often can we fly Renee up here? She needs to be available, in case... You know, in case she and Charlie need to visit Dracula One and Dracula Two."

I shuddered at being reminded of that particular contingency plan. The thought of the Romanians altering my mother and father's memories filled me with horror. But he was right. If we lost, that was the only way to keep them alive. They knew too much. But if we could get the Romanians to alter their memories, before the Volturi caught them, they'd be safe.

"Come on," he said. "Your dad's at Billy's, and some of us have to eat, you know? How about after lunch, you and I go for a long walk – in the woods."

Jake knew how to lighten my moods. One of the many perks of being a vampire is that pine needles feel softer to us than satin does to a human. A 'walk' in the woods was just what the doctor ordered. I smiled and locked hands with him to walk out of the church together.

Dad was not at Billy's. He was standing in front of the church, along with most of the rest of my family: the Cullens except for Rosalie, the Denali and the Blacks, plus Quil.

"Well?" asked Dad.

Jake snorted in frustration before giving in to the inevitable. He gave a thumb's up, and the entire crowd gave a gleeful whoop – even Edward.

"I see what you mean about privacy," I said under my breath, as we walked hand in hand out to our family.

"You protect me from Edward, and I'll protect you from Alice," he stage whispered back.

I didn't say anything, just twisted my hand in his, so that our little fingers interlocked. Of course, Quil and the vampires all caught our exchange and chuckled softly – except Edward and Alice, who pretended they hadn't seen or heard anything.

Jake and I mingled among the group, receiving congratulations and exchanging hugs and handshakes. (What do guys have against hugging, anyway? Sometimes they're so stupid.) I gave Billy an especially big hug and kiss on the cheek for letting Jake give me his mother's ring. By that point, I'd managed to regain Renesmee, who seemed to think hugging everyone was a great new game.

"Where's Rose?" I asked.

"Last I saw, she and Leah headed off somewhere together," offered Quil.

That seemed strange. I could hardly imagine odder friends than Rose and Leah, but I didn't know how to say that without sounding rude. I glanced over at Emmett, but he just looked as jovial as ever. I was studying his face surreptitiously, when I heard a gasp.

I turned to see Alice. She looked shaken. Jasper held her arm to steady her. Everyone was looking at her, concerned looks on all their faces, but it was Edward's expression that mirrored her own, a mixture of horror and anger.

"Oh no," she moaned. "What, what are those dogs doing?" She directed that angrily at Quil.

"Alice," Carlisle scolded her softly.

She pursed her lips, but she did not apologize. "What are they doing?" she asked again, more calmly but with no less anger. "Are they hunting?"

"Uh, Dad," I interrupted. "Would you mind taking Renesmee and Billy and Rachel back to their house?"

He looked at us suspiciously, but then he seemed to decide that this was maybe something that he didn't really want to know about. Smart man, my dad.

"Sure. Come'er, Nessie. You want to ride in a squad car?"

I was too grateful to even scold him for calling her Nessie when she was in her Carlie form. To Billy and Rachel I added, "Don't hold dinner. We might be a while."

As soon as Charlie's door shut, I turned to try to take control of the conversation. I didn't like Alice taking a harsh tone with Quil, too easy for that to turn ugly. But this time Tanya interrupted. That was one problem with having such a large group; conversations needed a referee. But Tanya just suggested we take the discussion back to the civic center for some privacy. We all agreed that was a good idea. No one said anything else until we regrouped in one of the conference rooms.

"What happened Alice?" I asked. "Or what's about to happen?"

Alice took another long glare at Quil before she answered. "Victoria is in Italy. She's been making her way erratically through Europe, making it hard for me to predict what she's about to do. But now that she's so close, she's making a bee line to Voltura."

Jake snorted. "Did anyone really think she'd give us the whole month she promised. Raise your hand if you did, so I can dress you down for being stupid." I thought he might be taking this general and alpha business a little too seriously, but no one called him on it. The Denali even looked like they approved.

"Right," Alice conceded. "But that's not the worst of it. Their reaction will be much stronger than I expected. More decisive – faster. Something has changed to get them so stirred up. Something I can't see. What has changed, Quil?" she asked through gritted teeth, glaring at Jake's best friend. "What have your friends been up to?"

"Have they been hunting?" asked Edward in horror, apparently picking up a thought from Quil. "Didn't we agree they should keep a low profile?" It was Emmett who had originally suggested they could do some vampire hunting in Miami, but wiser heads had prevailed on that one.

"No," Quil answered anxiously. "I mean, yes. But... come on! They can't just ignore murder!"

"What happened, Quil?" asked Carlisle, not unkindly.

"A few of the guys, Seth, Embry and Brady, were out clubbing, celebrating Seth's birthday. He just turned fifteen, but you know, he can pass for twenty one, easy. Anyway, they were walking back to the hotel, when they caught scent of a couple of vamps. At first they weren't sure what to do, or even if they should do anything. Then they heard a little, half-choked yell from a nearby ally. I doubt a human would've heard it. Seth, you know how Seth is, he ran to see what he could do to help. So of course Embry and Brady had to follow.

"It was the vamps. Two of them, a man and a woman. They had a couple of humans, two guys. Our guys got there right when they started to feed. We must have startled them." I noticed his use of the Pack plural 'we'. Even though Quil hadn't been there, he remembered it as if he had. "They probably thought they were far enough away from the street that no one would bother them. Seth yelled, 'Get away from them!' And they stopped. But only long enough for the woman to look up and say, 'Run away children. This is none your business.' She spoke in a think Hispanic accent. Then they started to drink again. So what could we do? I mean, they do. The guys phased. You should'a seen the looks on the bloodsuckers faces. They dropped their victims, and I think they would'a run, but it was a dead end. So they charged us. I mean, them."

He shrugged as if to say that was the end of it.

"Was anyone hurt?" asked Jacob.

"Embry got a nasty bite. It kinda matches the one Alice gave you."

"What about the vampires?" asked Esme.

Quil shrugged again. "Burned the bodies in a metal dumpster."

Edward winced and turned his head away from Quil. He looked like he was having a hard time controlling himself.

"What is it, Edward?" asked Carlisle. "What did you see?"

"Randal and Mary," said Edward, half choking on the names. That brought gasps and expressions of pain and anger from all the vampires, especially the Denali. Randal and Mary were friends of theirs. There had even been some talk of getting in touch with them and seeing if they would join us. They weren't vegetarians, but they did show some compassion for humans. They were picky in their hunting, choosing victims who were either very bad – or very ill. In the upcoming battle they would have been torn: not wanting to turn on their own kind, but not wanting to see a whole race of humans exterminated either. We had delayed contacting them because Alice couldn't see which way they would go. And now we knew why. Their futures had ended before they could ever make that choice. I saw the hurt and anger in the other's faces. I even shared some of it, though I'd never met Randal or Mary. But I also understood the wolves' perspective. I found myself oddly torn.

Quil saw it too. "They were about to murder those people!" he practically screamed.

Carlisle's head snapped up from being bowed in remembrance. "About to? The victims are still alive?"

Quil looked chagrined. "Yeah, well..."

"They're changing," Edward interrupted him. "Burning! What in Sam Hill is Sam thinking? Why didn't he tell us? Why didn't you tell us?!"

"We were afraid you'd be mad," he said lamely. "We worried it might be like..." He didn't finish the sentence, but looked meaningfully at Irina. And he didn't need to finish. They were afraid that it might be like when they killed Laurent. The Denali had almost gone to war with them over that. Irina had almost killed Jacob.

"Quil. Son," said Carlisle, taking a fatherly tone and trying to restore some of the camaraderie and trust we had all shared while staying at his home. "You have no idea how dangerous those two will be. You need to phase now. Let Edward talk to Sam and get a better sense of the situation. We'd better call them," he added as an afterthought, "in case none of them are in wolf form right now." He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing.

Quil shook his head. "Dr. Cullen, we can handle two vampires."

Carlisle looked at his phone in irritation. "No answer," he said, snapping it shut. "Esme, call Emily. Edward, call the hotel where they are staying. Jacob, call Embry; if you know the others' numbers, have someone call them too."

"Quil, we are not talking about two vampires. They will be two wild animals! Two starving grizzly bears being woken with branding irons! You think that if you treat them kindly they will be like Bella? They won't be. Bella is one in a million. Even I would have killed any human near me, when I first changed. I was just lucky that I was far away from any humans at the time."

"But, you let Bella come to with no one in the room but Jacob?"

"Alice had already seen what she would be! And even then, we would not have let Jacob near her if he had been human. And we certainly wouldn't let her revive in a room full of strangers. Quil, please phase. Your friends are in terrible danger."

"Emily?" I heard Esme say into her phone. "This is Esme Cullen. Are any of the Pack around? We need to speak to them right away."

I felt relieved when I heard Emily's voice, and even more so when I heard the distinctive pop of a werewolf phasing. The room suddenly got a bit more crowded, as Quil, a two hundred and two pound man, suddenly became a two thousand and six pound wolf.

"Oh, good," I heard Esme say. "Please have him go ahead and phase. I'll talk to you while Edward talks to Sam."

For a few seconds, Edward and Quil just stared at each other. I was sure that Quil and Sam were comparing notes, and Edward was learning what he could by listening in on their exchange. With his telepathic abilities, coupled with the Pack mind link, Edward could not only talk with Sam, as if they were in the same room together; he could 'see' for himself how far along the new vampires were in their transformation. It was strange to think that even though Emily was in the same room with Sam, she would need Esme, three thousand miles away, to relay to her what Sam was saying – or at least what Esme could piece together from hearing Edward's side of the conversation.

"Okay," Edward said, at last breaking the tableau. "Sam, take a good look at the men. Hmmm, that's definitely late stages of the transformation. Sniff the air; see how much they smell like vampires. Whew, that is bad. No, it's much worse than you smell to us – sorry. How long has it been since the men were bitten? Okay, good. You should still have a few hours before the first one revives, the one on your right. The other has at least nine more hours to go. No, but Bella's transformation was shorter than most, and these men only had one injection point. Hmm? No, there's nothing to do for it. I wish there was. They just have to get through it."

"Sam, you need to find a place where you can all phase and have room to manuever. No, I don't imagine downtown Miami is the best place for this. Is there a farm or a forest you could get to in under an hour? Oh! Yes, the Everglades should be perfect. Can you get there quickly? Okay, you'll want to form a circle around them with at least a forty foot diameter. Alright, carry them carefully. No, you're not likely to hurt them; they're likely to hurt you! Newborns are six times stronger than mature vampires. Yes, six! And they'll start thrashing soon. Talk to them. It does help a little. And it might make them a little less violent when they revive."

Sam's pack took the nascent vampires to a secluded spot in the Everglades. It was actually a small island surrounded by swamp. There were even a few alligators nesting there, which would come in handy. Edward hates alligator, but Alice says she rather likes it. I hadn't tried it myself, but if it was anything like shark – the only cold-blooded animal I had tried – Alice could have it. I'd had a lot of shark the past week, that and killer whale, which is better, but still not as good as a land mammal. The good thing about marine animals, besides being close by and plentiful, was that we weren't likely to run into any humans while hunting them. That's what these newborns would need, something they could hunt that wouldn't bring them anywhere near humans.

The guys chained a couple of big alligators nearby, so that the newborns would have a ready snack as soon as they came to. That wouldn't satisfy them; it would only take the edge off. The hunt is almost as important to a vampire as the kill, and even more important than the blood. Give me a whole barrel full of blood from a blood bank, and I'll just crave more than when I started. So the newborns would need to hunt. The Everglades were a good place for it, plenty of game and far from humans, but a dangerous place for the werewolves. If the newborns turned on them, the wolves would be at a sever disadvantage in the water.

It was about an hour after they got settled in before the first newborn came to. I knew from experience how it would be. The moment his heart stopped beating, he would be ready to take on the world, or a pack of werewolves, as the case may be. Sam appointed Seth to be their liaison. He was the most calm and compassionate. And though he was fully mature, he was still only fifteen. I was sure Sam wanted to keep him out of any fight, if possible. Sam kept three phased werewolves between the vampires and Seth at all time. In his human form, Seth would be very vulnerable. Sam and the others had tried to comfort the nascent vampires as well as they could while they were burning, but they also gave the men plenty of warning: do not approach us; any false move and we'll rip you to shreds. Seth repeated those warnings as soon as the newborn became fully alert.

Carlisle was right; the newborn was like a wild animal, like a cornered wild animal. Seth assured him that they didn't mean him any harm, but that they could not let him go until he was more fully in control of himself. Seth offered him one of the alligators they had chained, but asked that he save the other one for his friend, if he could. There were more alligators on the island that he was welcome to hunt as soon as he felt reasonably well in control. Being in control was the important part. If he tried to leave the island before they believed that he could control himself, they would rip him apart. It was that simple.

The newborn drained both gators and hunted down two more before he felt calm enough to go back and check on his friend. Seth warned him not to get too close though. The other one still had a little blood flowing in his veins, and he was sending out all the signals, the smells and sounds, of injured prey. That brought the vampire up short. He didn't want to put his friend in danger, and he understood that he would if he got too close. It would be almost impossible for him to resist killing his friend if he got too close—especially as his friend continued to scream and beg for him to do exactly that. But he also knew how much he was already enjoying his new lease on life, and he was sure that his friend would too. So he sat down thirty feet away and told Seth and the wolves a bit about himself. And, hoping that some of his words would break through his friend's agony and perhaps give him some comfort, he told his friend about the wonders of his new life.

The newborn's name was Pascal, Pascal Auberge, and his friend was Eric Cantrel. They had both lived in Miami for most of their adult lives, though he was originally from Haiti, and Eric was from Iowa. He was forty one years old; Eric was thirty eight. They were the oldest people I knew to become vampires, except for Eleazar, who had been forty five.

Pascal was especially excited to learn that vampirism burned away all lesser diseases. He and Eric both had advanced aids, and he also had skin cancer. That was why Randal and Mary had picked them; they usually picked victims who didn't have long to live anyway. Pascal's excitement only grew when he examined his body and discovered that the lesions that had covered much of it three days earlier were completely gone. His only blemish now was a small scar where Mary had bitten him. Pascal said that it was like he had died and gone to heaven. He didn't even seem to mind that he now had a new addiction that made his past addictions seem like mildly-annoying habits. Or that this was an addiction for which he would never be allowed to get his fix. He thought it was fitting, only right, that even in heaven he should have some penance for his past weaknesses.

Eric was not quite as wild when his transformation completed. He was quieter, more contemplative. He had his friend to show him the ropes and to lean on for support. He told the guys a little about himself too – he had been even more self destructive in his behavior than Pascal.

I have to admit that I was more than a little worried about these two. If they had done so poorly resisting addictive substances like cocaine and heroin, what chance did they have to resist the far more seductive siren call of human blood? How many people were going to die because of the Pack's decision to save these two?

I looked around the room and noticed the disapproving looks on everyone's faces, echoing my own thoughts. Most of the vampires, with the notable exceptions of Carlisle and Esme, went even further, scowling disapprovingly and even angrily at Quil. No, at the Pack, I corrected myself. I understood their attitude. I could only imagine how I would feel if someone killed a couple of my friends, no matter what their reasons.

It was easy to imagine. Emmett had lost control a couple of times, and it was possible that he could again. Any of us could, if I was being honest with myself – even me. I remembered the way Renesmee smelled when she imitated me, and I shuddered. If I met someone who smelled like that, someone who wasn't my daughter, could I resist? Maybe. But I knew that neither Emmett nor Jasper nor any of the Denali could. And if someone killed them for that, killed them and put even more innocent people at risk, killed them to save some people who didn't deserve saving?

I felt ashamed of the direction my thoughts had taken. Who was I to judge these men? Who were Randal and Mary? My friends, though I loved them, were wrong here. They had no right. Maybe my attitude would have been more like a typical vampire's if it weren't for Renesmee. Part of the reason I shuddered when I remembered how good she smelled was that I knew she would smell just as good to some other vampire, somewhere, some day. If Randal or Mary could have been Jasper or Emmett, Pascal or Eric could have just as easily been Renesmee.

"I sure hope Renesmee never gets into drugs," I said softly, thinking out loud, repeating the prayer a billion parents pray every year.

Every eye in the room looked at me in shock, as if to say that such a thing was impossible. I shrugged. "Having a family that loves her and accepts her differences is no guarantee that she won't."

"But it helps," said Jacob, putting his arm around me and drawing me close. "It helps a lot."

I smiled back at my wise lover, pressing my cheek lightly against his lips. I forced my stone-like body to yield against him, the way that my soft human body would have naturally. Eventually this reaction would become so automatic that it would be as natural as breathing. As natural as loving the father of my child.

Once the newborns had their fill of the local game and seemed to be reasonably calm, it was decided that the guys should bring them here. I was surprised that the newborns were being as reasonable as they were. But then, they knew that the wolves could have killed them while they were burning, if they meant them any harm. And Sam made it very clear to them, taking over from Seth for emphasis, that he would kill them if they tried anything. He wouldn't like it, but he'd do it.

They rented three cars. One group of werewolves took the lead and another the rear. The newborns were in a car by themselves. It would take about three days to make the thirty five hundred mile trip. The vampires would keep their windows up whenever they stopped to get gas. They would stop at night to hunt in forests they passed on the way. The wolves would scout ahead to make sure there were no humans in the area. With any luck, Pascal and Eric would not even get a whiff of human before they got here. After that, things would be easier. We had fourteen vampires and six werewolves to keep an eye on them. Jasper would help keep them calm. Edward would see if they were planning any mischief. And Alice would be able to see what they would actually do.

In the mean time, Alice tried to see what had caused, or would cause, the Volturi to speed up their plans. But she could not actually see the trigger; her gift didn't work that way. She could see what they were probably going to do, the likely paths much clearer than the less likely ones. But she could not see why they were going to do it. It was Eleazar who filled in that gap. "When the Volturi go to war," he said, "Demetri does an inventory of all the vampires he knows, locating them to see if they have sided with the enemy, or if they could be contacted and recruited. Demetri met Randal and Mary about a century ago. He will try to locate them. When he fails to find them, he will know that they are dead. The Volturi will not know for sure that it was the werewolves who killed them, but they will guess; there are not many things that can kill a vampire. Now, they will take Victoria's warnings and the potential threat of the werewolves very seriously. They will move quickly. They will move decisively."

I looked around at the others' reactions to this. Their expressions were mostly anxious and resigned. Alice had a faraway look, so did Edward. He was sharing whatever vision Alice was now seeing. "Oh," Alice breathed. "Yes, quickly and decisively."

"A hundred and fifty four vampires," said Edward in amazement and despair.

"To a hundred and eighty seven," Alice amended. "Several covens will be very reluctant, but they still might join."

"When?" asked Jasper.

"July fourth weekend."

We had two weeks.


	28. Black Swan

_A good person is as rare as a black swan._

Juvenal

28. Black Swan

Our days fell into a simple pattern. We had training for the werewolf candidates, more training for the new wolves, and even more training for the vampires. Yet, somewhere in that grueling schedule we managed to plan a wedding. Well, mostly Alice and Esme did, with a little help from Rosalie and Leah, and just a tiny bit from me.

Jake and I were surprised at Leah's involvement. I thought it probably had something to do with the talk she and I had at our first candidate-training session. If she and I were going to be stuck with each other, kind of like sisters in law, we might as well try to be friends. She still wasn't very friendly to me though, even if she was somewhat helpful. So I was glad that Rosalie seemed to have become the friend Leah needed to help her through her personal troubles. I had enough drama in my life without having that to deal with.

Our two newest vampires were yet another complication for the group. Pascal assimilated reasonably well. We kept him as far away from humans as we could, of course, but he cooperated wholeheartedly with those efforts. He trained with us, but he wasn't any good at fighting; he had the typical newborn's problems with self control. Jake thought the best place for him in the upcoming fight would be as my bodyguard. He'd stay in the back ranks and tackle anyone who made it through the front lines. My shield would be crucial, so guarding me was important. He wouldn't be a big help, but he wouldn't be useless either.

Eric was another story. He went stark raving mad the first time he caught a whiff of human. Billy Black volunteered to be the guinea pig. Alice already saw what Pascal and Eric's reactions would be before they actually happened, so the test was really just a formality. I already had Eric in an unbreakable headlock even before Billy wheeled himself out of the locker room on the other side of the gym. Emmett had Pascal in one too, but that wasn't really needed. As soon as Billy entered the room, Pascal started pleading with us not to let him get too close. But Eric just lunged frantically against my hold. Boy was he strong! But I was almost as strong, and I kept him in the hold that Emmett had taught me.

"I guess we'll have to kill him," Jasper sighed, and I almost lost my grip. I looked pleadingly from Jasper to Carlisle to Esme. I knew my duty, but I desperately hoped there was another way. Eric tried to take advantage of my distraction to wiggle lose, screaming like a banshee while he did, but my grip only slackened for a fraction of a second. Newborn strength takes about a year to fade, so I was almost as strong as he was, and Emmett had taught me well; it would take more than a momentary distraction to break my hold.

"No!" Pascal shouted and struggled against Emmett almost as fiercely as Eric struggled against me.

"No," Carlisle agreed. "There has to be another way."

"Father, no prison could hold him. And if we let him go, he'll start slaughtering people, and he'll probably join with the Volturi."

"He will," said Alice.

"What if we dismantle him?" I asked, remembering how Rosalie had removed Edward's head when he lost control a couple of months ago. They put him back together after he calmed down, and there wasn't even a hint of a scar. Neat trick, that.

Both our captives struggled anew at that suggestion, but Emmett and I tightened our grips so hard that they couldn't even make a noise. "It's going to be alright," I whispered to my captive, and I hoped it was true.

"Indefinitely?" asked Jasper. "I've seen his type before. Soon as we put him back together, he'll be as big a danger as ever."

"It doesn't have to be indefinitely," said Carlisle, "just until after the battle. Then we'll have people available to guard him and work with him."

"It's too dangerous!" said Jasper. "Even dismantled, someone would have to guard him constantly. Nothing but death will stop the pieces from trying to come back together, or keep 'em from it for long."

Jake came back in the room then. He had not gone very far, and he had heard everything we said. "Jasper," he said, "your family and mine, we'd be doomed if we didn't have the Denali."

Jasper spared Jake only a brief glance before his eyes locked back on Carlisle's. He'd grown fond of Jake, to all of our surprise, and he respected him as a leader, but his look said that he considered this to be vampire business. "So?" he asked. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"We wouldn't have the Denali if I hadn't shown Irina mercy." Jake shrugged, "I didn't want to. I wanted to kill her. But I'm sure glad I listened to Bella. I think we should listen to her and Carlisle now." He smiled and nodded to me.

I am going to marry that man.

I thought about how much Jake had matured in the past few months. He had matured more in the past hundred days than Jasper had in the past hundred years. I don't think that it was just due to a werewolf's rapid aging, though I'm sure that was part of it. But becoming a father, an alpha, a general, and taking responsibility for his entire people were even bigger parts. It worried me that he might even outgrow me in a few years.

That was the cost of vampirism, the real cost that made the blood lust seem trivial by comparison. We were pretty well stuck at whatever level of maturity we'd reached when we were bitten. I just hoped that would be enough. Since becoming a vampire, I had become stronger than Jake. Maybe, in time, he would become more mature than me. Maybe he already was. But if that first role reversal had not hurt our relationship, maybe the second one wouldn't either.

. . . .

I looked out on the grassy field, where a couple of dozen tents of various shapes and sizes were scattered around. The scene looked a bit like a medieval battle field or jousting tournament, or at least the Hollywood version of one – only prettier, much prettier. It was easy to tell which tents belonged to the Cullens and Denali. They were all of a similar style – round tents in brilliant colors, with flags flying from parapets, giving them a medieval look. Esme had them custom made to her design. Our tents were arranged in a pattern around the main tent like a bouquet, and the pattern was repeated in the many floral bouquets that filled the area. The arrangements became more elaborate and more numerous closer to the entrance to the main tent, until they became a solid arch of flowers framing the doorway. The continually repeating, but subtly changing pattern created a fractal effect – the Mandelbrot set, done in bright pastels. I thought it was a little overdone actually, but I had to admit that it achieved the desired effect. No one would mistake this for a military encampment.

We had been a little concerned, when Jake and I decided that we wanted to get married at Love Grotto, that the camp would remind us of the upcoming battle. Tents were a necessity for our human guests, after all. But Alice promised that she could pull it off, and she was good to her word. The scene in front of me was a joyous celebration of life.

Still, none of us could completely forget about the upcoming battle. That was the dark cloud hanging over our celebration.

Two days. We only had two days.

"There's no point looking for her," said Alice from behind me. "Your mother will be here in eleven minutes. Now come sit down. I have to start on your hair now, or you'll throw off my schedule."

I turned to look back at Alice and Renesmee. Renesmee had transformed herself into Irina, the 'costume' she would be wearing for the evening. The real Irina volunteered to guard Eric and Pascal during the wedding, and Renesmee couldn't very well go as herself; there would be normals at the wedding. It was one thing, back when she just looked like a large baby, but at less than five weeks, she now looked like a large two year old. She was only two millimeters shorter than Claire, the last time I'd checked. She might have even passed her by now. There was no way we could let Jessica Stanley or Mike Newton see that! But we couldn't ask her to transform into a baby either. She wouldn't like that a bit. She wouldn't understand it. But playing Irina was a game that she enjoyed.

Renesmee sat in front of her vanity. It was angled so that I couldn't see myself in it; Alice and Rosalie had put a lot of work into getting me ready and wanted to surprise me with the finished product. Renesmee and Alice wore nearly identical lavender bridesmaid's dresses. Alice's dress had a bit of extra frill at the hem and sleeves, to signify that she was the maid of honor. Renesmee would be joined by my other bridesmaids: Angela, Jessica and Rosalie. Alice finished weaving a spray of sitka valerian into Renesmee's hair. The tiny pink and white flowers matched well with her silver-blond hair and the blush in her cheeks – the product of very skillfully-applied makeup. Alice had used light shading to give her tones somewhere between Irina's near-white beige and Nessie's light coppery tan. She didn't need the makeup to look beautiful, of course, but she liked being treated 'like a grownup'. And it did help make her complexion look a little more like her own natural color. Irina was beautiful, very beautiful, but when I looked at Renesmee, I wanted to see at least a little of her.

"Wow, Renesmee," I said. "Now I don't even mind my bridesmaids outshining me."

She looked at me curiously, apparently not quite sure what I meant.

"Oh, no," chided Alice. "Renesmee is always beautiful, of course, but she's not going to outshine you today. No one will. Today, I promise, you'll be the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Well, good luck with that." Again I looked at Renesmee, and I didn't see how Alice's boast could possibly be true.

"It's nice to see you two together again." I said.

"Children are very forgiving," said Alice. "But we are also both being very careful."

I was sure glad of that. We'd had an 'incident' a few days earlier. And I worried that Renesmee might still be frightened by it.

Wednesday had started out a normal day_._ That afternoon, I was at Billy's, reading a book Carmen gave me on capoeira, a Brazilian martial art that combined fighting with dance and music. It was popular with vampires in South America, and Carmen thought it would suit me. I was looking forward to trying some new moves on Emmett at our next practice. Jake was out training with Leah and the pups. Billy was in the den, watching TV. And Alice and Renesmee were in Jake's room with me. Renesmee was trying on her bridesmaid's dress. She had transformed herself to look like Irina for the fitting. Alice worked to pin her skirt exactly the way she wanted it.

There needed to be a new word just for Alice; perfectionist didn't begin to describe her.

"We have to take Charlie to Port Angeles to get him a new suit," said Alice. "I'd rather take him to Seattle, or even New York, but we just don't have the time."

I sighed at the pained tone in her voice. Did she really think we could put the wedding off any later, under the circumstances? I glanced over in time to see Renesmee phase into Charlie, with a look on her face that said, 'Where is Grandpa, anyway?' I smiled and braced myself for the scent I knew would assault me.

But it took Alice completely by surprise.

Kneeling in front of Renesmee, she suddenly screamed and lunged forward. Her mouth opened wide, baring her razor-sharp teeth. She ducked her head down in a desperate effort to keep from biting Renesmee, but her head still butted her in the gut with a sickening crunch and sent her flying backward across the room.

I leaped at Alice with a howl. I could taste the venom welling in my mouth, as my every instinct screamed at me to rip her limb from limb. What stopped me was not the realization that this was Alice, my sister and best friend, or the pitiable wails coming from her, as she curled in a ball on the floor. What stopped me was that Renesmee was also crying. And she was more important. I pivoted away from Alice to tend to Renesmee. I had to see how badly hurt she was. I had heard some bones crack, and I was sure that she would have internal injuries, possibly even ruptured organs. I had to get her to a hospital! Killing Alice would have to wait.

Nessie sat crying on the floor, swallowed by a bridesmaid's dress that would perfectly fit Irina, a dress that was now ripped and stained with blood. The blood made me frantic, but not in the usual way. It wrenched at my gut as her crying wrenched at my heart. I now understood why my blood stopped having any power over Edward, when he thought that I had died. After this, no blood would ever appeal to me again – though I would still need to feed. I rushed to my daughter's side with a quickness that I have never seen a vampire or werewolf match, before or since, but I stopped just inches away from her, afraid to touch her. "What is it, Renesmee? Where does it hurt?"

Stupid rhetorical questions, but I just didn't know what to do!

Renesmee ripped her way out of the clothes that entangled her and jumped up to me. She flung her arms around my neck and buried her face in my hair. I was surprised to see no sign of any injury; but I still held her very gingerly, as I checked for anything I might have missed. "Are you alright?"

"Uh huh." She nodded.

"Did Alice hurt you?"

"Uh huh." She nodded again.

"Are you still hurt?"

"Nuh uh." She shook her head.

It took me several seconds to understand what she was saying. I couldn't quite get my mind around it. She had phased her injuries away as quickly as she phased from one form to another. 'Normal' werewolves couldn't do that. But I had seen her do things like it before, though I hadn't realized the implications. Earlier, she had phased into a duplicate of me – as I was when she was first born – complete with bleeding cuts and swollen, bruised abdomen. And she had phased into Emily, complete with scars. In both cases, she had then changed into whole, uninjured versions of us. Effectively, she had given herself injuries with her shape-changing ability, and healed them just as easily.

I was so relieved I didn't even have time to be impressed.

Seconds later, Billy burst into the room in his wheel chair, with a gun in his hands. "What is it? What happened?"

How brave Billy was. He had zero chance against anything that could hurt me, and almost as little against anything that could hurt Renesmee. I'm sure he knew that, but he wasn't going to just run or cower if someone was attacking his family.

"Nothing," I said brusquely. "I'll take care of it."

I quickly set Renesmee in his lap, slipped a dress that fit her over her head, and shoved them out of the room. Then I turned on Alice. I was still in a rage, my vision was red with fury. I was only barely more in control than I had been a minute earlier. My lips curled back from my teeth and venom flowed from my mouth and dripped out onto the floor as I deliberately stalked forward.

Alice was still on the floor, still curled in a ball, still crying. I didn't care. She hurt my baby. She deserved what she got. I was a vampire, and I finally understood what that meant. I understood why Victoria was so eager to kill me, why Irina had no choice but to fight Jacob, and why Edward had had to leave. My rage was a fire that had to be quenched, or it would consume me. I wanted to hurt Alice more than I had ever wanted anything in my life, more than I had wanted Edward to come back the night that he left, more than I wanted Jacob. For a fraction of a second, I wanted to hurt Alice even more than I wanted to be a good mother to Renesmee.

That, I think, is what saved us – the sudden realization that if I didn't stop myself I would lose too much of my humanity to ever be a good mother again. My desire to be a good mother was the only thing that kept me from killing Alice – probably the only thing that kept me from damning myself, and dooming us all.

I knelt down beside her and touched her back.

"It's alright. She's alright."

She nodded but didn't lift her head enough to look at me.

"She took you by surprise, like I did Jasper and Edward at my birthday party." Not really fair of me. Alice had not attacked Renesmee, just reflexively reacted.

Alice nodded again but still would not look at me. She wasn't used to being taken by surprise. No one took Alice by surprise. No one except werewolves – and my little girl. Alice could normally see temptation coming, brace herself for it, and use her visions to sate her cravings. Alice didn't just see the future, she saw, smelled and tasted the future. By 'seeing' herself feeding, she could quench the fire without actually hurting anyone. But she couldn't do that with Renesmee. She couldn't see Renesmee's future.

"I always thought I was so strong," she said.

"You are strong. Everyone has limits." I had come so close to mine. "We're all on edge, stressed to our limits and surrounded by humans – frightened humans. And we ask so much from you, Alice. More than anyone else."

"I almost killed her! I... If it weren't .. for her .. ability..."

"If it weren't for her ability, if she wasn't a shape shifter, it wouldn't have happened in the first place," I said. "You just both have to be more careful. We'll make her understand that she can't do that. No turning into... normals." Normals. People who weren't like us. We were not normal; we were the cold ones, the immortals. We were fast and invulnerable and incredibly strong. And we had to be very, very careful.

We made a little game of it. Renesmee would transform herself into family members, vampires only – whoever was not present at the time – and she would try to fool us by not slipping out of character. No phasing into someone else or phasing back to herself until the person she was imitating rejoined the group. She didn't really fool us; up close, we could hear her heartbeat and sense her body warmth. And in a bright light the difference was obvious, though it would take full daylight for a human to see it. And she wasn't a very good actress. For one thing, she could only just barely talk. But we pretended to be fooled, and she pretended to believe us.

We made a strict rule about not changing into normal humans, not even Claire. That hadn't helped slow her aging much anyway, and it only caused more confusion. And there were just too many vampires around, who were already stressed near their limits, for it to be safe.

We became more careful around the real Claire too. And she went nowhere without her imprinted bodyguard.

Renesmee had no problem with the new rules, now that she knew how vulnerable pure humans were. Getting hurt hurt! For days after the incident, she would not phase out of her Nessie form, not even to be herself – as Carlie. And she became very protective of Claire, hovering near her and seeming to constantly worry that she was about to get injured. After two days, though, Renesmee desperately needed to sleep. Friday night, Jake and I got her to settle down on the bed between us, and after a few minutes her features softened, her hair darkened, and her eyes closed. Jake soon followed her into slumber, and I spent the night watching the two loves of my life sleep.

That night goes on my list of all-time favorite nights. Things become more precious, when you're reminded how easily they can be lost.

After that, Renesmee started behaving more normally again, and she and Claire settled back into more normal play. The silver lining to this incident was that she had gained a better appreciation of how easy it would be to hurt her playmate. Renesmee seemed to be instinctively gentle, even from birth – but we all rested a bit easier, knowing she was conscious of her friend's fragility. Before that, I had waking nightmares of a tiny girl falling off the back of a giant swan, and of a hundred other ways Claire could get hurt or even killed playing with my daughter. And I wasn't the only one; Quil and Claire's parents were especially relieved by Renesmee's caution. But really, we all were.

Watching Alice and Renesmee in our dressing room, I saw no sign of nervousness in Renesmee. Alice, on the other hand, had a tell-tale tightness to her face that let me know she was on guard. I smiled affectionately at both of them and settled down to let Alice do my hair.

"Hello!" Renee called happily as she entered the tent.

"Grandma!" Renesmee cried and rushed to hug her.

Renee hugged her back but said in a teasing voice, "What? You must have me mistaken for someone else. I only have one granddaughter, and she's much younger than you."

Renesmee tried to recover from her mistake, she stiffened her body and tried to imitate Irina's seriousness and quiet energy. Playing along, I said, "Mom, this is Renesmee. She's pretending to be Irina this evening because there are several people here who aren't supposed to see how fast she's growing."

"It's a secret," I added conspiratorially, bringing a giggle from Renesmee.

"Oh! Well, I'm glad she could be such a pretty girl then; though, of course, no prettier than my granddaughter. And you!" she said, looking at me as if for the first time. "You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. I mean... it's as simple as that, Bella. You look absolutely perfect."

"Told you so," said Alice.

"She's my mother, Alice. She has to say that."

Alice sighed tolerantly. "Renee, help me pin this veil in place. 'Irina' would you turn that mirror this way – carefully, please."

Alice and Renee made me hold still, with my head turned away from the mirror, while they fussed with the veil for a minute – a full minute. Finally, Alice was satisfied and nudged me to look at myself in the mirror.

I looked. Then I looked again. "Is that thing working?" I asked. The apparition in the mirror looked like an angelic version of me.

Renee chuckled at my joke. "They work on everyone but vampires, Bella. And you're the furthest thing from that!"

"Ladies, it's time," said Rosalie, stepping into the tent with us. She gave me an appreciative nod but saved her best smile for Renesmee. She took her hand and led her to her place with the other bridesmaids.

The wedding was as close to perfect as such things can be. It was held outdoors, on an enormous portable stage that would later be cleared of chairs to become a dance floor for the reception. We said our vows at sunset, and the Sun peeked out from behind the clouds right as we finished. It's orange-red light was too weak to cause my skin to scintillate, but it did give me and Jake and Reverend Webber almost-mystical looking glows. Our best man and maid of honor, Quil and Alice, were standing in front of two large floral arrangements. That put their bodies in the shade, so only the tops of their heads glowed, like the halos of lesser angels. The effect was natural, if supernaturally orchestrated.

I have to say, I do believe my wedding was beautiful.

And the music was something out of a dream. Edward got people settled, playing 'Esme's Theme' and 'Bella's Lullaby'. Then Carmen sang 'Ave Maria'. She sang it a capella, and even Edward's playing could not have improved it. I walked down the aisle to Wagner's 'Bridal Chorus'. And Jake and I greeted our new life to Mendelssohn's 'Wedding March'. Edward played each piece perfectly, with artistry and precision, and heart. I fervently hoped and prayed that it wasn't breaking. But I had done all that I could do, and now I was just glad to have him there – making my wedding perfect.

Jake gave me his mother's wedding band. I gave him one that Esme helped me design. Three small diamonds, of descending size, formed a crescent on a gold oblong setting. The band itself was a tightly-coiled titanium-alloy spring. It would stretch enough to stay on, even when he phased into a wolf.

Our vows were traditional ones: love, honor and cherish, holding only unto each other, for as long as we both shall live. I had considered, and even argued for, the older, love honor and obey. I thought that another oath, binding me to lawful behavior, might be a good idea. Despite my self control, I've had a few clues about how dangerous I am now, and how easily I could find myself walking on the dark side – like all but a handful of vampires do. But Jake wouldn't have it. He said no one can obey all the time, so that's a promise I'd break right away, and then it would be meaningless. But love, honor and cherish is something we both can do, every single minute. Forever. And as long as we did that, I would be a good person for him, as he would be for me.

I think I might have to admit, at least to myself, that Jake's already wiser than I am.

Beautiful as the wedding was, the reception was a lot more fun. Vampires can stay up all night, and werewolves know how to party. Okay, my parents and my daughter were there, so we didn't go crazy. But we did have fun. What is that saying? "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die?" We had several good excuses for a party. And Sam and the rest of the guys being back was certainly one of them.

One place I overruled Alice was on the choice of band. She had lined up several big names, and I have to admit that I was both awed and tempted by a few of them. But we went with a small local group: Fang and The Slayers – better known as Seth, Embry, Caleb and Joe. Caleb was one of our wolf candidates, but Joe is a normal Quileute – no W chromosome, but a good bass player, nonetheless.

We did all the traditional things: I tossed the bouquet, and Kate caught it with an excited squeal. Jake flipped the garter, which Mike caught in the face and said, "Ow!" Jake and I smashed cake into each other's faces, and I bravely ate my share. Seth must have had some idea how awful solid food is for a vampire; he accompanied that little ceremony with 'The Things We Do For Love'.

Jake and I led the first dance, to 'Eternal Flame'; and we were soon joined by Carlisle and Esme, Renee and Phil, and then everyone who wanted to dance. Renee mouthed, "I told you so," to me, when Dad and Sue took the floor. I tilted my head in salute to her matchmaking prowess. Dad and I led the second dance – the father-daughter dance – to 'Sunrise Sunset', and we were almost immediately joined by Jake and Renesmee. They got some funny looks from the normals, and even I had to chuckle, seeing Jake dance lightly around the room with a lovely blond standing on his feet. After the second dance, we just went from one dance to another, without formalities. I danced with Edward several times, and it wasn't a bit uncomfortable. In fact it was perfect.

"How is Renesmee holding up?" I whispered to Edward . "This is the longest she's ever imitated one of us."

"Jasper and I are both looking out for her. She's having a great time, but she is getting tired. I'd let her have a couple more dances, then encourage her to head to bed."

I nodded. That was about what I expected. It wasn't physical tiredness Edward was talking about, but mental. She was pushing the limits of her special gift. She didn't seem to be able to imitate a vampire as long as she could a human. That made a certain sense. It was a trade off: more physical power at the cost of more mental exertion.

While Edward and I danced, I heard Angela Webber talking to Jake, while they danced on the other side of the room. I probably wouldn't have noticed their conversation if she hadn't been whispering.

"Poor Mike is getting frustrated," she said.

"Oh? Why is that?" I could barely see the top of Jake's head over the people between us. He was hunched way over, so his head was only a few inches above Angela's.

"He's been trying all night to get a dance with Irina, but a certain group of people has been monopolizing her dance card."

"Oh," Jake chuckled.

"And, uh, Jake?" she said hesitantly. "You've been one of them. You've danced with her almost as much as Edward has, and even more than you've danced with Bella."

"Well, she knew I was a wolf when she married me."

"It's not funny Jacob!" she whispered fiercely. "Are you trying to make her jealous, pay her back for dancing with Edward? Because if you are, you're being an idiot."

"No! It's...," he paused, probably trying to think of a good excuse. But what could he say? Not the truth, that was for sure.

"Is that what it looks like?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Angela? Would you like to dance with Edward?"

"Might be nice to give my neck a rest."

Edward said, "Sounds like we're about to get tapped."

"You don't mind, do you?"

"I'm good."

"Love you, Edward."

"I know. Love you too."

Angela and I swapped partners for the last few bars of 'Love Me Tender.'

After that song the band decided they'd had enough of grown-up songs and switched to 'The Monster Mash'. I groaned. So did all the vampires. Which only caused the werewolves to howl with laughter. I wondered what the normals thought about all that. I seriously thought about complaining to Seth. I was a grown woman, after all. I wasn't two! Then I was reminded that I had a one month old – toddler. Renesmee was in the middle of the dance floor, bumping and jumping to the staccato beat, and having the time of her life. Claire soon joined her, though she'd been sleeping soundly in her mother's lap a few minutes earlier. I saw the resigned look on Carol's face that said she knew it would be a while before she got the little girl back down. I knew how she felt. But it was worth it to see the kids so happy. Seth walked across the floor with a mike in his hand, and held it up for our patriarch to drone, in his best Boris Karloff: "When you get to my door, tell them Carlisle sent you."

With her gleeful antics at such a silly song, I thought the normals would all think that 'Irina' was some kind of idiot. But when I looked around, I was surprised to see most of the men gaping at her with expressions that were anything but disparaging, and many of the women were apparently wondering if the same behavior would work as well for them – or even a fraction as well. I guess it's true what they say: plain women are crazy, beautiful girls are eccentric. When the song finished, the kids started pleading with the band to play it again. Renesmee even fell out of character to chant along with Claire, "Pwease. Pwease." But none of the normals seemed to notice. I wondered if Mike even noticed that this was the most she had said all evening. Jessica certainly noticed how much Mike noticed 'Irina'. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

Seth was too smart to give in to the girls, but he had something else that he knew they'd like. The band played 'Little Red Riding Hood', and the werewolves all started stalking their partners as if they'd had it rehearsed. They stalked us until they caught us, spun and dipped us in a simple Tango, then let us slip free so they could stalk us again. After a few turns of that, we started mixing it up, letting Red stalk the werewolf for a change. And I saw Leah drape a red afghan over the head of the guy she was dancing with, just to confuse things further.

When that dance ended, Claire was so tired Quil had to carry her back to her mother. And I could see that Renesmee was in danger of shocking people with a sudden reverse growth spurt. Looking over at their table, I could see that my parents were also beginning to droop a bit. I gestured to Jake, who immediately caught my meaning. We led Renesmee over to the table where Charlie and Renee sat with Sue and Phil and Billy.

"That was really something," said Renee. "The boy's must have practiced that for weeks!"

The wolves synchronization was pretty impressive; it had surprised even me. They don't consciously read each other's minds, when they're in human form, but they must have a subconscious connection. Otherwise, I'd be more than a little worried about Jake sometimes dreaming that he's Leah. Yeah, he sometimes talks in his sleep. As it is, I don't like it; but I try not to worry about it.

"Yeah," I said. "Uh, Mom, Jake and I can't leave yet, but we need to get a certain princess to bed before she turns back into a pumpkin."

"Oh, right. I didn't even think about that; it's almost midnight!"

I snorted. "She won't turn back at the stroke of twelve Mom, but she is getting tired."

"Oh," she said, sounding slightly disappointed. "It's just as well anyway. Charlie was about to track you down."

Charlie cleared his throat and looked back at Renee, signaling that he preferred her to tell me whatever it was. She responded so naturally that you'd thing they had been together for twenty years, not divorced for eighteen.

"Okay, we know the invitation said no gifts..."

"Mom... Dad...," I whined. I really didn't want gifts.

Charlie fished an envelope out of his pocket. "Got these before I gave you away," he said with a wink. "So you can't say no."

I could still say no.

"They're from Billy too," Renee added. "We all chipped in."

Reluctantly, I looked inside the envelope. There were two first class tickets to Rio De Janeiro.

Billy spoke up. "Esme says she has a place down there, where you're welcome to stay. Go whenever you like."

I dimly recalled Rosalie mentioning that Esme owned a small island near Rio, a gift from Carlisle. It did sound nice. And split three ways, the tickets weren't too extravagant, though open tickets to Rio weren't cheap.

"Thanks, Mom, Dad, Billy and you too Phil. Thank you."

"Yeah, thanks guys," Jake added. "That was really nice of you."

I kissed all of them on the cheeks, and Billy didn't even flinch. He knew what I was; Renee and Charlie only knew what Jake was. Jake hugged Billy, shook Phil and Charlie's hands and kissed Renee. She didn't flinch either.

"You about to head back to the lodge, Mom?"

"Didn't anyone tell you?" she asked. "Phil and I are going to stay at the Cullens' for a couple of days. It'll give us a chance to visit with Renesmee, while you two are honeymooning."

"That's right," said Esme, who had silently joined us, along with Carlisle. "Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are all going on a camping trip, so it will just be us and Edward at the house."

"And I'm heading home too," said Edward, who had also come up to join us. Edward would not allow Renesmee to go unguarded these days. He worried that Aro might have some way to get around Alice.

"Thanks Edward. For everything," said Jake, clasping Edward's hand and putting his other hand on his shoulder. That was probably as close as Jake and Edward would ever come to hugging.

"You take care, you hear?" said Edward, with a tone that was somewhere between threatening and joking.

"We will," said Jake.

I hugged Edward and kissed his cheek. "You take care, too," I whispered.

Vampires don't get sleepy, or even tired. But humans do, and eventually, so do werewolves. By three o'clock, all the humans had either gone home or back to their tents. Sam and Jacob ordered their packs to help clean up then head to bed. We had a big day ahead of us, preparing for an even bigger day tomorrow.

Carlisle and Emmett came up to me and Jake, right as we were finishing with the cleanup. "Bella, Jacob," said Carlisle, "There is something you need to see. Go with Emmett. He'll take you where you need to be."

That sounded ominous. But Jake and I both know better than to question Carlisle. We followed Emmett to his truck and got in the back seat. Rosalie slid in beside Emmett and snuggled next to him.

"Where are we going?" I asked, once we got on the road.

Rosalie and Emmett ignored us for a moment. Then Rosalie said, without looking back at us, "Switzerland."

"Don't worry," said Emmett. "I know a short cut."

We weren't on the road very long, when we pulled into a driveway that I had never noticed before, though I had driven down that section of road many times. At the end of the drive was a house. It was obviously new, though it had a charm that usually only older houses have. In front of the house was a car under a cover. The Cullens and Denali, Except for Edward and Irina, all stood nearby.

"Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs. Black!" they all chorused when we got out of the truck.

"What?" Jake and I asked together.

"So, what are we doing?" asked Emmett. "House first, or car?"

"House!" shouted Alice and began tugging me toward it.

They had given us a house. And a car.

I won't go into too much detail about the house. Chez Suisse has been described elsewhere. I will just say that it was built on the bank of the river which separated Cullen from Quileute land, on the Cullen side. But it wasn't Cullen land any more. Even if, as I doubt would ever happen, the Cullens and the Quileute some day had a falling out, this was now Switzerland. On the opposite side of the river was the Black ancestral land, part of the reservation.

In the back of the house, there is a feature that not everyone knows about, or at least not everyone knows what it's for. It's a garage door that's ostensibly for boats, and it is sometimes used that way. There is a small fishing boat that we keep in the basement garage. It guarantees that Charlie visits often. But that's not it's main purpose. Emmett calls it the world's biggest dogie door. Well actually, everyone in the know calls it that. Emmett just said it first. It's voice activated and will open to a sound only werewolves can make or hear. Connecting to the garage are restrooms that can be used as changing rooms when people go swimming, and that Jake and his friends can use to dress in, when they come in from patrols.

"Originally" said Carlisle, as we finished touring the house and walked out to the covered car, "the Cullens were going to provide the house, and the Denali would provide the car. But then the Denali couldn't stay away while we built the house. They wanted to help too, so we all just chipped in together. But Esme did design the house. And Kate picked the car."

We all gathered around the mystery vehicle.

"Feel that," said Emmett, lifting the cover just enough to let Jake feel the liner. "Silk. You know why?"

Jake shook his head.

"Because it deserves it." With a nod from Kate, Emmett flipped the cover off the car.

Jake gave a low whistle.

"What is it?" I asked. I recognized the make because Edward has one, but not the model.

"It's an Aston Martin Rapide," he said in a voice that bordered on awe. It was a long four door that was so sleek it looked like a sports car. It was carbon black with red trim. The license tags read: BLCKSWN.

"It's called the most beautiful four door on the market," said Kate proudly. "And when I read about it's 'swan-wing' doors, I knew this was the one."

"Did you know that the Romanian-Volturi war was fought over a car?" asked Carlisle. "Caius and Vlad both wanted a black Mercedes Count Trossi. In fact, Vlad had commissioned the car's design in the first place, but Caius bought the last one while Vlad was on a hunting trip."

We all stared at Carlisle silently until he shrugged and gestured for Jake and me to check out our new car. Jake and I got in to feel the leather. And when we looked around, we saw that we were alone.

"Wanna go for a ride?" I asked saucily.

"Yeah, but not in a car."

We got out of the car and went in the house. Jake carried me over the threshold and didn't put me down until we got to our bed. It was a nice bed. I'll miss it.

We'll get a stronger one next time.

**End notes: You can see the car Caius and Vlad fought over at /photos/10-most-beautiful-cars-of-all-time/2 . You can see Jake and Bella's car at /images/2010_astonmartin_rapide_ . (I'm not sure who the vampires shown with it are, maybe Rosalie and Tanya?)**


	29. Fishing

29. Fishing

This story has one chapter left (plus possibly an epilogue). But, considering that the last two chapters seem to have gone over like lead balloons, I think I'll wait to get a little feedback before I finish.

I write mostly for myself, but I do want to write a story that others enjoy as well. And I want to continue to improve my writing. So let me know: what did you like? What did you not like? What did you think of the story overall, and the last two chapters in particular?


	30. Field of Combat

**30. Field of Combat**

A _black swan_ is an event, positive or negative, that is deemed improbable yet causes massive consequences.

—from the introduction to The Black Swan, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Jacob's skin was hot against my own. I think if I had a mortal's sensitivity, the temperature difference would have actually been painful. It surprised me that it didn't bother Jacob. Surely, my cold hard skin must feel like a giant ice cube pressing against him. But he slept peacefully, comfortably. He shifted occasionally, not one to sleep in one position for too long, but he always wound up with a near-maximum amount of skin pressed against mine. I watched him sleep, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I could watch him for hours, days even. I used to wonder how Edward could do that, but now I knew. I had done this many times over the past few weeks, at least an hour or so every night or morning; and I had not even begun to grow bored or tired of it. But this morning was special. This morning, Jacob was mine. And I was his.

I wondered if I could just stay where I was until he woke up. I was sure that Jacob would enjoy helping me make breakfast, but did we have any food? I worried that no one might have thought to stock the fridge or the pantry. Waking up to help me cook might be nice, but I doubted he would enjoy getting up, only to have to groggily drive to the grocery store before he even had coffee.

Carefully, so I wouldn't wake him, I got out of bed to check what there was in the kitchen. As I feared, there was nothing in the refrigerator. And the pantry held just one lonely bag of Kibbles – with the lingering scent of Rosalie and Emmett on it. Ha, ha. Very funny. I felt myself starting to grow cold with anger, but then I let it pass and shrugged it off. This was no time to let newborn wildness get the better of me. A prank on the newlyweds was traditional, after all, even if it was in poor taste. I grabbed my purse and a key to the Rapide, took the bag of dog food out to the trash, and headed to La Michoacana meat market, which sells a lot more than just meat.

I was surprised to see another Aston Martin parked in front of the store. I recognized it immediately – I'm pretty sure there were only two in the whole county, our Rapide and Edward's Vanquish. Had Alice told him I would be here? I didn't think she and Jasper were planning to go back to the house last night, but Edward could read her mind from several miles away. And they did have cell phones after all. My imagination ran a little wild thinking about why he might be there. Did he need to talk to me about something? Was it something about this secret battle plan? Some last minute instructions?

Surely this wasn't an attempt at a tryst? It wouldn't be the first time that Edward realized, too late, that he had made a bad call. If that's what this was, I'd be angry; but, to tell the truth, I wasn't sure how I would handle it. I didn't want to be cruel to him if his heart was breaking, especially if he was about to face near-certain death.

I was so distracted by this unexpected encounter that I almost forgot to prepare myself for meeting humans. I remembered, right before I opened the store's glass door. I took a few deep breaths and opened it slowly. My sense of smell told me that there were two people inside. One was Conner Perry; he was a schoolmate and casual friend of mine. He had been at the wedding, but he had to leave early because he worked as a part-time cashier. I was glad that I hadn't let his scent take me by surprise. He smelled fantastic, and I hadn't realized how thirsty I was. I waved silently to him, as I entered the store and headed quickly toward the back. This would not be a good time to stop and chat.

The only other person in the store was Edward.

"Edward?" I asked when I caught up to him in the produce aisle. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me, not startled, but apparently surprised. He lifted a bottle from the cart he was pushing. "Milk," he said. "We have company at the house, and not a thing to eat. I thought I'd better pick up a few things for them."

There were more than 'a few things' in the cart. I smiled gratefully, seeing that he was taking such good care of my family. I could tell by the ingredients that he was planning to cook them a fabulous breakfast, and lunch and dinner by the looks of it. Edward was a terrific cook. My mother wasn't. There was no way he would saddle her with those ingredients, and expect her to make anything with them, other than a mess.

"Thank you, Edward. I really appreciate you taking care of them. I hope Mom and Phil aren't making you and Carlisle and Esme too uncomfortable."

All three of them had remarkable will power. Carlisle worked in a hospital and was exposed to bleeding humans on a daily basis. Esme was active in several civic groups; though she would always have to leave the room if anyone got a cut or a scrape. And Edward... Well, Edward used to date me, his own singer – a feat that I was only just beginning to appreciate for its level of difficulty. But even so, having five pure humans in their home had to be hard, even for them.

"Think nothing of it. We're happy to visit with your mother and step father, and of course Renesmee is a pure joy."

When he mentioned Renesmee, his voice took on a tone that was almost... worshipful. It betrayed a level of devotion that would have been a bit disturbing if I didn't know Edward so well, if I didn't know about the imprint, and if I didn't feel almost exactly the same way. It was hard to imagine anyone not loving Renesmee. It seemed to me that anyone who met her, and didn't love her, must have something seriously wrong with them. But Edward was her imprint, so I knew that he loved her almost as much as I did. And that worried me a little.

"Edward, you've got to be..." I paused a moment to find the right word. I'd been about to say, more careful, but that wasn't exactly it, "Wiser, with Renesmee than you were with me."

He looked down at my feet. "Bella, it's okay. She's... she's... I'll never hurt her. Or... well, I'll only hurt her once."

I snorted derisively. "You're not going to die, Edward. I won't let you, so just forget it." He tried to interrupt, but I wouldn't let him. "But that's not exactly what I meant. I know you wouldn't hurt her on purpose. But you didn't hurt me on purpose either. And Renesmee is even more vulnerable when it comes to you than I am – was. I... I never got over you Edward, but I did learn how to breathe again, without you being there. I'm not sure if Renesmee ever could. You're her imprint!"

"I'll be careful, Bella," he said ruefully. "I promise."

"That's not good enough, Edward. I mean, careful is good. But sometimes you're too careful. Like yesterday, when Alice was getting her ready, you hovered at the door like she was going in for surgery."

"After that incident..."

"After that incident, Alice was doubly careful. Triply! Even Jacob wouldn't try to keep Renesmee away from her Aunt Alice or her Aunt Rose."

"Rosalie has much stronger will power and self control than Alice does. Alice has never had a problem before, thanks to her talent. But that doesn't work with Renesmee! And anyway, I wasn't trying to keep them apart. I was just..."

"You were just being a mother hen, and I understand. But that's not your job. She's got two parents, Edward – and a whole mess of grandparents. Leave the mother henning to us. Look, she's still a baby, and your over-protectiveness isn't too much of a problem right now, she probably does need it sometimes. But she's growing fast. She'll outgrow the need for that a lot faster than you'll outgrow the need to do it."

"I will keep that in mind." He grinned tolerantly at my own bit of over-protectiveness. "But Bella," he said, "I think you are still under a misapprehension. I mean... I am not Quil. I won't change the way he will. I'll always be her Uncle Edward. I've told you this before, but I'm worried that you still don't get it. For our kind, once a relationship is forged a certain way, it is virtually impossible for it to change. I'll always be her slightly overprotective uncle. I might hover like a mother hen when she goes to the prom, but I'll never leave her crying in the forest." He said that very softly, apologetically. I could hear the pain in his voice. "I can never hurt her that way because our relationship will never _be_ that way. So... don't worry so much."

I frowned. I understood what he was saying. And I had very distinctly mixed feelings about it. I decided I probably shouldn't have brought this up in the first place. Deal with the Volturi first, then deal with the complicated matter of Renesmee's imprint. Uncertain what else to say, I settled for giving him a quick hug, and I promised that Jacob and I would not be late for the meeting we had planned that afternoon. I finished my shopping and went home to cook breakfast for my husband.

I decided to let Jacob have breakfast in bed. I cooked bacon, eggs and waffles with fresh strawberries, sweetened with just a little maple syrup. I also made him a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice. Smelling the food reminded me that I needed to hunt soon. The reminder was purely mental, not physical. The food held no appeal to me at all, especially not the smell. I put Jake's breakfast on a tray and headed up the stairs to take it to him. I heard his heartbeat quicken as soon as I stepped on the first step, and he was fully awake by the time I walked in the room. His eyes lit up when he saw me.

"Wow."

I smirked. "I guess it's true what they say about the way to a man's heart. It doesn't matter that I'm a red-eyed monster, as long as I bring you food."

Jake smiled and shook his head. "You're no monster. And your eyes are beautiful. They're like... crimson sapphires."

"You mean rubies," I corrected him as I crossed the room.

"No. Ruby's eyes are brown, about the same color as mine."

I snorted at his lame joke. "Don't lie to me, Jacob. I know you don't like the eyes."

"I'm not lying to you, Bells. Never have, never will." His eyes locked on mine, and if he was lying then he was one very, very good liar. He hooked his hand behind my head and drew me in for a kiss. Human Bella would have spilled food all over the place in such a situation, but I managed to hold the tray steady between us, as I shared a passionate kiss with my husband.

"Hmmm," Jacob hummed when we broke for air, "bacon and eggs, new car smell... and Edward."

Oops. "Jacob, I..."

"I can't believe you!" He said in tightly controlled tones.

"Jacob! No...," I pleaded. "It wasn't like that."

"Did you," he asked pointedly, "or did you not, drive the new car without even asking me if I wanted to join you?"

I gaped at the idiot in my bed. Then I dropped my eyes contritely. "I did."

"And I thought I could trust you. Next thing I know, you'll be trying to substitute turkey bacon in my breakfast."

I gasped in mock horror, and neither of us could hold our giggles any longer. Once we got ourselves back under control, I sat down beside him to watch him eat.

He talked around a mouthful of food. "I know we'd be in trouble if I started getting jealous or suspicious every time I smelled Edward. But um..."

"I ran into Edward at the grocery store. The Cullen's cupboard was bare too."

"Humans, humans, everywhere, and not a bite to eat," Jake chanted.

I snapped my teeth at him.

"But seriously, Bells. I wish you hadn't driven the car."

"Oh, I'm sorry Jake. I guess we should have gone together for the first spin."

"No. I don't mean that. I mean..." He paused and looked uncomfortable. "I mean, we shouldn't put too many miles on it. We probably ought to take it back, or try to sell it."

"What? Why?"

"Bells. Be sensible. This place is fantastic, but I don't know how we're even going to pay the taxes on it. And we can't just keep going back to the Cullens, hat in hand."

Oh?! Had this not come up before? I thought back over the past few weeks. No, apparently not. Jake had been keeping to himself a lot lately, and when he was with other people, he was busy training and preparing for battle. Or else we had more important things to talk about. And I really hadn't changed my spending habits; between being extremely busy, and avoiding contact with strangers as much as possible, I just hadn't had time. My only real extravagance had been Jake's wedding ring, and he probably didn't even realize how expensive that was. I was still surprised, though, considering how many people knew.

"Uh, Jake? Remember how we promised: for richer, for poorer?"

"Yeah?" he asked through a mouth full of eggs.

I had to explain about the whole adoption thing and being added to the Cullen's trust fund – twice.

"So... you're rich?" he said at last. I swear he made it sound even more surprising and maybe even more distasteful than my being a vampire.

"No. We're rich."

"**I'm** not rich."

"All my worldly goods, I thee endow. Remember that part?"

"You snuck that in on me!"

"Sorry. No backsies!"

He didn't laugh. He glared at me. I took his hand in mine, and he didn't pull it away but just let it lie there.

"Jacob, I know how you feel. The Cullens always used to want to spend money on me and give me presents, and I didn't like it a bit. And I usually refused to let them."

"Sure, sure. And then you wised up."

"In a manner of speaking," I said, and we glared at each other for a long moment. "Jake, do you understand what they're facing tomorrow? What they're risking? What they're, maybe, sacrificing?"

"I've got a pretty good idea."

"Then tell me how I could accept that gift, and then pridefully refuse something they actually wanted to give me? Something that actually made them happy?"

He looked down at his food.

"More important Jake, they want me to be part of their family, just like I want you to be part of mine. They're both package deals. So suck it up."

Our honeymoon was much too short. At one o'clock we had to meet the rest of our ragtag army in the forest meadow to make final preparations for battle. Our first order of business would be to dig some very deep pits, where we planned to toss dismembered vampires during the battle. Even something like Riley's severed hand could be dangerous if we left it lying around. If it managed to grab a werewolf, it could crush a bone or tear open an artery. But it would have a hard time crawling out of a thirty foot pit.

When Jake and I arrived at ten to one, everyone else was already there. Only Esme was missing. She was keeping my mother busy, along with George and Carol Young. Everyone else – all the other werewolves and vampires, and all the werewolf candidates, all two hundred and twelve of them – was busy working.

I didn't need a vampire's senses to tell the three groups apart. The humans looked absolutely exhausted and utterly miserable. The werewolves also looked exhausted, though not as much; and they were in much better spirits. The vampires were the only ones not breathing hard, but even the vampires looked tired; it was almost shocking to see them in such a state. And, except for Irina and Eric, everyone was... filthy. The Cullens and Denali usually managed to stay fairly clean, even while sparring – especially Alice, who almost never lost her matches. But even she was covered in mud from head to toe. It wasn't raining, which was a lucky break, especially for the humans; but the ground around Forks is always muddy.

Even Renesmee and Claire were covered in mud, though in their case it was just from playing in it.

Quil was the only werewolf in wolf form. But he was just as muddy as the rest, apparently from playing with Renesmee and Claire. He wasn't about to leave Claire unguarded with Eric and Pascal so close.

"Looks like they started without us," said Jake.

"Guys!" I complained. "You said one!"

Renesmee smiled up at us like a happy urchin. Her aunts and uncles on the Cullen side copied her.

"We thought we'd give you two just a little more time for honeymooning," said Carlisle. He jumped out of a deep pit holding a heavy spade in one hand. He walked up to greet us, along with most of our close friends and family.

Keeping my voice down so the humans wouldn't hear, I said, "But Carlisle, don't you see how miserable the humans are? I'm sure me and Jake could have moved more earth than all of them put together. And also, does Eric have to be so close to them? He looks even more miserable than they do."

"Bella, the humans know that this battle is for their sakes. They want to do what they can." Jake nodded in agreement at that. "As for Eric, I think we're about to get two more wolves, thanks to him. The fact that he is a truly dangerous vampire, only held in check by Irina's sword and Quil's teeth, seems to make a big difference. I just wish there was some way we could exploit it further."

Eric and Irina were about twenty feet away from us, roughly half way between us and the humans. Eric snarled angrily at Carlisle's words, but quieted back down when Irina threatened him with her sword.

"Well, you can't just let him go, and hope a few of them change before he kills them," said Jake sarcastically.

"That is what my clan would have done," said Irina. She had no more trouble hearing our low voices from twenty feet away than Eric did, and she didn't bother to keep her own voice down. "Perhaps your human friends have more courage than you give them credit for. My lord." She idly played with her sword while she spoke, the way a baseball player plays with a bat. In fact, I had an eerie flashback, remembering Jasper playing with a bat almost the same way, in almost that exact spot, about a year ago.

"I don't doubt their courage, Irina," said Jake, no longer holding his own voice down. "But I'm not about to sacrifice any of them, just to make them prove it."

"But..." she objected, sounding genuinely confused. "Your whole clan, and theirs, your entire people are in grave danger! Isn't the risk worth it, if we could get even one more soldier from this? And perhaps this one could actually be good for something."

That last was said with a tilt of her head towards Eric, though she didn't even look at him. Eric – who was still our prisoner because we could not trust him not to kill someone, or join the Volturi, or both – looked like he was right on the verge of either making a run for it or attacking someone. When Irina cocked the side of her head towards him, he seemed to make up his mind to make to lunge for her. I started to shout a warning, but it was too late. Eric's body tensed to spring – only to freeze again, brought up short by Irina's sword. One moment, it was dangling loosely from her thumb and forefinger; the next, the grip was firmly in her grasp, and the tip was against Eric's throat. The razor-sharp and more than diamond-hard tooth embedded at its tip made a hairline cut on his adam's apple before he could stop his forward momentum. For a moment, there was a bright crimson line there, but it healed almost instantly when he backed up.

Jake acted as if nothing had happened. "Irina," he said patiently, "some risks are just not acceptable. It wouldn't be... honorable, to expose anyone to a risk like that. Not even if they volunteered." Jake turned away from Irina and gave an exaggerated blanch when he was sure she couldn't see it.

I was with him on that. That woman was scary!

Irina was intensely loyal to Jacob, since he had proven his worth in battle – and spared her life when he had every right to take it. But that didn't mean they always saw eye to eye. She was a thousand and two years old, counting nineteen years as a human. She was born and raised in what is now Norway, in the time of the vikings. She saw things very differently than modern, 'civilized' people. And besides that, she was a vampire. But she was also capable of great kindness and compassion. She was Esme's best friend, which said a lot. She stared after Jacob for a few moments with an expression that was half thoughtful and half challenging. Then she shrugged and glanced back at Eric with a look that seemed to ask if he wanted to play another round of cat and mouse.

He didn't. He settled back glumly and looked longingly at the humans across the field. He did not, however, let his glance drift anywhere near the two children. He wasn't a total idiot.

Alice raised her voice to get everyone's attention. "Okay, people. Now that everyone's here, it's a good time for me to try to look ahead a bit. So be quiet and let me concentrate. Bella, would you put Claire on Quil's back? I need to _see_."

I took a deep breath before I walked over to the children. I had no fear that I might loose control with Claire, but there was no reason to torture myself. Getting a whiff of her, up close, was a dozen times worse than the worse case of strep throat I'd ever had. And I'd almost died from that, when I was twelve. I pushed those unruly thoughts aside. Thinking about it most definitely did not help. The two girls both stood up as I walked towards them, and I was struck by how alike they looked. Renesmee was almost always in her natural form, her Carlie form, when she played with Claire – unless their play involved her changing into something else. At the moment, they looked like two normal Quileute girls, dark hair, brown eyes. They would practically look like twins, to human eyes - almost exactly the same age and the same size.

The same size?

"Carlisle!" I called out.

"What is it, Bella?" He quickly rushed over to me, looking at the girls with some concern. Jake and Edward literally raced to join us.

"Renesmee is one millimeter shorter than Claire!"

"Yes, that is about what we expected," said Carlisle.

"No, she was a millimeter shorter than Claire yesterday!"

All three men wrinkled their brows in concentration, though I doubt Jake had the total recall needed for this.

"You're right," Carlisle agreed. "They've both grown four millimeters in the past week, an interesting coincidence. That's a big growth spurt for a two year old, but not abnormal for a child that age. But a human child can't keep that up for very long, so I expect that Renesmee will pass her in the next day or so."

"I don wan Nesmee taller," Claire whined. And Renesmee pouted out her lower lip in agreement.

I picked Renesmee up and nodded to Jake to have him pick up Claire; I can't talk and hold my breath at the same time. "No," I said to Carlisle, "Claire can't keep that up. And she hasn't. Her growth in the past two days has been imperceptible. And so has Renesmee's."

That got everyone's attention. Edward came over; he looked deeply into Renesmee's eyes and lightly brushed her cheek with his finger. "You don't want to outgrow Claire?" he asked. She shook her head. "Eleazar," he called. "This is more your area than mine."

Eleazar came over, and Edward stepped aside for him to examine Renesmee. Eleazar did not peer at her nearly as closely or intensely as he had at me, when he was trying to understand my power. He just looked at her a moment and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He looked back at us and shrugged. "I cannot tell you what she is or is not doing. But you shouldn't need me to tell you that she has this ability. It is no mystery that she has a great deal of control over her own aging. Just look at the other wolves. Look at her father."

"What do you mean?" asked Jake. "We don't control our aging."

"No? When danger threatens your people, you race to adulthood - to your peak of physical prowess. You stay there for as long as you like. But when your beloved begins to outgrow you, you start aging again, pacing yourself to her."

"Huh," Jake mused. "I never thought of it that way. Huh."

"And," Eleazar added, "is quite natural for a young child to attach herself to an older sibling or playmate, the way that Renesmee has to Claire."

I looked expectantly to Edward for confirmation.

"I can't be certain," Edward admitted. "I can't hear thoughts below the conscious level, and Renesmee is hard to hear at the best of times – kind of like your father. But, as near as I can tell, she takes it as a given that she is not going to outgrow Claire."

"Yes!" I exulted and pumped my fist in triumph. "Yes, yes, yes!" I sang. Jacob joined me, and we danced in circles, holding Renesmee and Claire between us. I kissed Jacob on the lips and Renesmee and even Claire on their cheeks, only dimly aware of Quil's nervousness at my being so close to her neck. Her scent burned my throat like an acetylene torch, but I didn't care. My baby was going to have a childhood! A long, rich, extraordinary childhood!

Okay, she had raced past infancy, straight to toddlerhood, but I wasn't going to complain about that!

Jake's and my joy was infectious on the children, and they giggled and laughed along with us, though they had no idea what had made us so happy. "So much for getting rid of your sore throat any time soon," Jake whispered to me.

Oh, I thought. That's right. Claire would need to be a frequent, practically constant, guest in our home, if we wanted Renesmee to match her growth to the human child's. Shoot. I really had been looking forward to not having a burning throat all the time. I'd never complained about it, but Jake knew. Oh well, small price to pay for my daughter's childhood.

"Bella! Jacob!" Alice called. "I'm really happy for you, but we've still got work to do. And I think the locals are getting restless."

Actually, the humans looked fine. They had known that it would be a long evening. So they had lawn chairs, some portable electronic diversions, and unlike us, they had refreshments. Dang, was I parched! I really needed to hunt soon.

"Oh, sorry Alice," said Jacob, as he danced over to pace Claire on Quil's shaggy shoulders.

Alice settled into a lotus position to concentrate, and we all held ourselves as still and as quiet as we could. Which, for the vampires, meant perfectly still and quiet. The humans made an annoying racket, but they tried their best. After about a minute, Alice and Edward sighed in unison.

"It's no good," said Alice. "Jacob, you and your pack are all over the place, blind spots dancing before my eyes. I can't see what the Volturi will do, either, because so much of what they do will be in reaction to you! You have to merge the packs."

Jake looked like he'd been punched in the gut. "It's not that simple, Alice. It's like... There are no good analogies. It's not like getting back together after a divorce; it goes way beyond that. They're still my brothers. Quil's still my best friend. But we're not... two parts of the same creature anymore."

"Jacob," said Alice, her voice almost breaking, "I can't see the fight clearly – until the five of you are gone. Then it gets very clear, until..." She stopped in the middle of a sentence. Then she said, "I just discovered something about my power."

"What's that, Alice?" I asked.

"I can't see past my own death." She shrugged. "It's never been an issue before."

Jake let out the breath he'd been holding. He looked at Sam, who simply nodded and turned away from us to walk into the woods. His entire pack began to follow him, except Quil. He headed over to where several humans were sitting, Rachel Black among them.

I looked franticly at Jacob. "Is that it? Are they leaving?"

"No. It'll be alright," said Jacob.

"Rachel!" he called to his sister. "We need you to watch Claire for a bit, okay?"

Rachel took Claire from Quil and gave him a pat on the back. Rachel was almost as comfortable around the werewolves as I was; with a werewolf brother and a werewolf imprinted on her, she'd almost have to be. Most of the other humans were still uneasy around the giant wolves. Their nervousness was even more apparent, when Quil walked up to them, than when one of us did. That was totally backwards, but I understood how they felt. The wolves were so physically imposing.

With a parting nudge of his head against Rachel and Claire, Quil turned and followed his pack into the woods. Then Leah, Seth, Joseph and Cade – Jake's Pack – followed them. Joe and Cade were the most recent men to become wolves – the pups, as Jake affectionately called them. And Seth had switched packs as soon as he got back from Miami. He wanted to look after his sister.

"What's going on, Jake?" I asked.

"Wolf business. Pack business. This is private, Bells. You guys stay here."

Jake glanced wordlessly at Edward, who took Renesmee and went over to rejoin the other vampires, giving us some space. I had been too distracted to shield Jacob's thoughts from Edward for the past few minutes. Belatedly, I extended my shield to give us some semblance of privacy.

"You're going to have, like, a council meeting, to decide who'll lead the pack?"

"Something like that," said Jake, looking guarded and nervous. He barely seemed to notice me; his focus was deep in the woods. Then he turned back to look me in the eyes. "We're going to fight, Bells. Me and Sam. That's how these things are decided."

"No! Jake, you can't!"

"Bella. I can't just... decide to become a part of Sam again. It doesn't work that way. Not for me or Sam. One of us has to prove that he's the other Alpha's Alpha. We have to fight, try as hard as we can to get the other to submit, or..."

"Or submit yourself?"

"Or die trying."

I gasped. "Jacob..."

He kissed me passionately, fiercely, so hard it almost hurt. Surely, it had to hurt him. Then he abruptly turned and raced into the woods, phasing when he was just a few feet away from me. I stared after him for more than a minute, until the sound of his running merged with the other sounds of the forest. The wolves could be very quiet when they wanted to be.

I turned to Edward to ask him for an update.

"Are you just going to play with Renesmee, at a time like this?" I snapped.

"Yes," he said without even turning to look at me. He smiled broadly at Renesmee and nuzzled her near her solar plexus. "She distracts me. It's the only way I can give them privacy at such close range."

Now, he's worried about people's privacy? I turned to Alice. "This is all your fault!"

She arched an eyebrow at me incredulously, then her face softened in sympathy. Bravely, she strode over and gave me a hug. I hugged her back, feeling as though my limbs were acting on autopilot.

"If I can't see," she whispered, careful not to let Renesmee hear, "we're all dead."

I broke the hug and turned to stare uselessly into the woods. I thought about what Jake had said: "Become a part of Sam again." I'd never thought of it that way before.

I didn't like it.

The fight didn't take long. It took forever. Thirteen minutes after Jake disappeared in the woods, I heard the heavy padded footsteps of the returning werewolves. Soon, Jacob came back into the clearing with most of the wolves behind him. He had dozens of quickly-healing cuts, and he was limping severely. But he was clearly the winner. I did not rush up to greet him.

"Sam?" I asked.

In the growling, barking and whining language he and the other wolves had developed, primarily to communicate with their vampire allies, Jake said, "He'll be alright. He should be in fighting shape by tomorrow afternoon. He's resting out in the woods. I hope that's close enough for Alice to do her thing. If she needs us all together, I'll have someone bring him here." He looked at Alice, who shook her head, before he turned to Carlisle. "Doc, do you think you could go check on him?"

Carlisle readily agreed. He raced off towards the woods.

"Jacob," said Alice. "I don't want to sound insensitive, but the day is wearing on."

Jake nodded. At an unspoken sign from him, Quil trotted over to retrieve Claire. Edward followed Quil and handed Renesmee to Rachel. "Mind holding your niece a few minutes? She's still a blind spot for Alice," he explained to her. Rachel took Renesmee, and her hand shook just a tiny bit. Was she nervous being so close to Edward? That was odd. She had never shown even the slightest sign of nervousness around me. Maybe it was the situation, rather than Edward's presence, making her nervous. Or maybe she just didn't realize that I was a lot more dangerous to my human friends than Edward was. Or maybe it had nothing to do with fear at all. I used to tremble that way around Edward, both before and after I got to know him. He tended to dazzle people without even trying, or seeming to notice.

"Need us to phase back?" Jake asked Alice.

"No. This is good. You won't be in human form tomorrow. And actually, the stronger your link to Quil and Claire, the better I can see you."

Alice again settled into a lotus position and closed her eyes to concentrate, and everyone quieted down. Only Quil moved at all, to keep Claire happy. After a minute, Edward started calling out instructions. He was seeing what Alice saw, and took the chore of instructing us, so that she could continue to concentrate. Clear the area over there, dig another pit here, fill that one back up – sorry. After five minutes, Alice stood up and opened her eyes.

"Okay, that's it," she said, loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Humans. Sleep well, be back here at two PM. Gather over there at the north edge of the clearing. Dress for a chilly rain. Bring umbrellas. And leave your cars at the road. Those things tend to explode when a certain vampire we'll be facing wants them to. That also means no guns. Bob, Megan, Clarence, I'm talking to you. If you bring a weapon of any sort, I'll... Jacob, why don't you tell them?"

While Alice was talking, Jasper and I held a blanket up as a curtain to let Jacob phase back and get dressed. "Worst part of the gig," he whispered. He zipped up his pants and snapped the button to give his soft words an exclamation point.

Jacob took a few steps towards the humans. He looked much more menacing than Alice – if you didn't know better. He growled low and ominously, and Edward translated: "Alice will know if anyone cheats," he said. "But it's me you'll have to deal with. And I'll toss you in a pit with Eric; see if I won't! Guns are no good anyway. They can kill a werewolf, but they won't even scratch a vampire. We thought about getting you stuff like heavy machine guns with uranium-tipped armor-piercing bullets. But it's just no good. You'd have a better chance hitting a mosquito with a sledge hammer than of hitting a vampire with one of those things. And you'd have a pretty good chance of hitting us! Our backs will be to you. And now the Volturi have someone who can make them explode at a distance anyway, some Egyptian guy."

He shook his head before he continued. "Look, I know how hard it is to feel so defenseless. But you'll be even more defenseless if you try to hide or run. They'll hunt you down, one by one. This way, to get to the humans who carry the wolf gene, they have to go through us. And we'll be ready for them."

"Go home. Try to sleep. Love 'em if you've got 'em. And be back here by two o'clock tomorrow afternoon."

He turned back to look at Alice, as the humans headed to their cars. "Alice, you need Paul to be here?" he asked. Alice shook her head, and a grateful Paul raced off to catch up with Rachel. The rest of us waited to hear what else Alice wanted to share.

"I need to talk to you, you and you," she said to me and Jake and Edward. "The rest of you... we need some privacy. Give us a two mile perimeter. Emmett, help Irina guard Eric. Jasper, you stick with Pascal." She kissed Jasper briefly before he left. The day wasn't over yet.


	31. Sacrifice

_What the Kzinti had failed to realize was that Man had chosen to study war no more – because he was so terribly, terribly good at it._

-Larry Niven, The Man/Kzin Wars

**31. Sacrifice**

War is Hell.

William Tecumseh Sherman said that, when asked why he had unleashed Hell on The South. I doubt he was the first person to say it, and I'm sure I won't be the last. But it is, as I can well attest.

No, our little battle with the Volturi was nothing compared to the American Civil War, or to what countless people suffer every day in war-torn countries around the world. But it was hell enough. Enough that I am glad I don't sleep, so I'll never have nightmares about that day. But I do have memories. Very clear, very sad memories that will be with me for as long as I... exist.

My own trip through Hell started the night before, when I finally learned the details of the crazy plan that Edward, Jacob and Alice had cooked up. I suppose I should have felt honored; Dante just had a poet to guide him into Hell. I had three angels. Alice patiently and calmly told me the horror she saw coming. And it was a horror; I didn't see any way we could possibly survive it. Then Jacob told me his crazy idea – so crazy he wouldn't even say it out loud, until Edward had picked it out of his head. And Edward told me that he was going to do it; he was the only one who could.

Once Edward had firmly made up his mind to do it – to actually try to pull off Jacob's crazy little scheme, Alice saw a very real possibility that it could work.

Once they explained it to me, I could see that, as usual, Alice was right. They were right. It was the only chance we had, slim as that chance was. But it was a pure suicide mission. Edward was going to die. And now that I knew it, I had to accept it. My journey into Hell had truly begun. All night and most of the next day, I descended deeper and deeper into the dark abyss - abandoning all hope, even as I performed my appointed task. I was already in torment, while I waited for the demons to arrive.

"Close your eyes. Concentrate."

Those were my last words to Renesmee before the Volturi came into sight. That was part of a game we had taught her, and I hoped she played it well. She didn't need to see this.

She stood close to me. A small group of us were about a hundred yards back from our front lines. Jacob stood beside me on my right, and Quil was just a few yards away, on the other side of Renesmee. He was ready to get her and Claire to safety, if it came to that. Claire was sedated and strapped to Quil's back. Carlisle had decided that the danger from giving the child a sedative was far outweighed by the trauma of witnessing the battle. I wished we could do the same for Renesmee, but that just wasn't an option for her. I just prayed that she would mind me and keep her eyes closed. One more prayer to add to my long list.

I got my first glimpse of the Volturi, blurry as it was through the driving rain, when their front ranks where two hundred and forty yards away – just a few flitting shadows darting between the trees on the other side of the clearing. That gave me a chill, that they could get so close before I could even see or hear or smell them. It was partly due to the thunderstorm that raged around us, but still... It reminded me that I still had a lot to learn about being a vampire.

At four hundred yards, still partly shielded by the thinning woods, they halted their advance. Their leaders, attended by a small group of their elite guard, came to the front of their ranks to assess us. I recognized the three leaders from the painting that still hung in Carlisle's study: Aro, Caius and Marcus. And they recognized me too – from Victoria's description, and from Aro's reading her memories, no doubt.

Caius spoke first, in a rich booming Italian, and his words were both triumphant and sarcastic. For a moment, I had a surreal feeling we were in an opera. A crash course in Italian, coupled with a vampire's perfect memory, let me understand him. But I couldn't pinpoint his accent any closer than to be pretty sure that he lived in northern Italy. "Look brother. I win our bet. Bella has become an immortal. And she has gone back to Edward. See? They are holding hands, and all is well between the lovely couple."

Aro nodded to Caius, but he seemed to pick up on some subtle cue from the laconic Marcus, who was standing on his other side. He reached out and brushed his fingertips against Marcus's. That was enough for him to read every thought his older brother ever had. I shivered at the thought of it. What he read there made Aro smile. "Ah, Caius. It seems you've won only half our bet. It's true that Bella has become one of us. But she is not back with Edward. Though she loves him deeply, it is the wolf who is her mate and paramour."

Marcus had a gift for reading the relationships of others. He had seen all that, in just a few moments, from two hundred yards away. I shuddered. I didn't mind so much for Marcus to read my relationship with Jacob. That was a matter of public record. But more than that? No. I most definitely did not want him to know any more than that. I turned away from Edward's lovely face. I tried not to think about Edward or Renesmee, and I focused on strengthening my shield. Maybe that would help.

Aro laughed, but Caius snorted: "Disgusting! I am appalled at the dishonor Carlisle and his coven have brought on us all. For that alone, they should be extinguished, even if they had not made alliance with these monsters, against their own kind."

I wasn't surprised that the Volturi leaders had convinced their followers that the Cullens had forged their alliance with the Pack in order to wage war on vampire kind. What's a little lie, when you're planning genocide?

"Ah, brother, I understand." Aro replied. "But still, I am grateful to them for the diversion they have given us. This is the most interest I've seen from Marcus in over a hundred years, and the biggest challenge you've had since the Etruscan uprising."

Caius nodded. "Then for that, I shall give them... a quick death."

His words had barely left his lips when I heard a horrible, agonized cry to my left. It startled me, though I had been expecting something like it. Carlisle fell to his knees and one hand. His right hand clutched his chest like a man having a heart attack, and his entire body went rigid with agony. Jane, one of the most powerful members of the Volturi guard, had attacked him with her 'gift'. I saw her concentrating intently, which was one consolation. According to Carlisle, she only had to concentrate if her target was at the very edge of her range. If she had to concentrate to hit Carlisle, who was in the front of our group, then she probably couldn't touch those of us in the back yet.

Carlisle quickly choked back his cries. That was more than most could have done, but he couldn't stand up, or even move. His pain lasted several long seconds. Esme tried futilely to comfort him, as the rest of us watched impotently. As the seconds wore on, I saw a look of grudging admiration on the faces of several of the Volturi. They were surprised, I imagined, that he did not go the rest of the way to the ground, screaming and writhing.

After a few seconds, Jane relented, and I heard Carlisle gasp for breath. But it wasn't mercy that made her stop torturing him. She can only hit one target at a time, and she was already focused on another. Immediately, I felt a jabbing sensation against my mental shield – directed at Sam. It was not exactly painful, more like a dull ache, but I felt it. Then I felt three more jabs, in quick succession, directed at three other wolves: Paul, Colin and Leah. Those too, I deflected with ease. I tightened my grip on Jacob's fur and tried to intensify the mental shield I had wrapped around him. In a way, the Pack was a single creature, sharing a single mind. I still hadn't quite come to terms with that, but for now I was glad of it. As long as I protected the Pack leader, the entire Pack was protected. I resisted the urge to grin. No sense letting our enemies know that I had anything to do with this. I wanted them to think that it was just the wolves' natural defense.

For once, I got my wish. I heard Jane tell her 'masters' that the wolves, from the strongest to the weakest, seemed to be immune to her talent. She sounded royally pissed about it too – or was her voice always so whiny and petulant? The three brothers just took the news in stride. Aro arched an eyebrow, and Marcus calmly observed that this likely meant that they would be immune to Alec's power as well. Caius just sneered. Then he made a broad gesture with his arms, and the army of vampires began to advance again. They moved slowly by vampire standards. I'm sure that to the humans, standing in a tight clump a dozen yards behind me, it didn't seem that way; but to me, our enemies seemed to almost float towards us like drifting snow. It was a warm day in July, and I was a vampire, immune to the cold anyway. But I felt a chill.

As they advanced, the vampires began to fan out, trying to encircle us. Not a bad strategy when you outnumber your opponents better than five to one, I thought. But Jacob just stood and watched for a few seconds – waiting for them to get right where he wanted them. When they were sufficiently spread out, Jacob gave a toothy smile and said, in his growling, barking Wolfspeak: "Teach them the error of their ways." That was for our benefit; the Pack didn't need words.

Seventeen werewolves lurched forward as one; only Quil and Jacob stayed behind. Theirs was not the slow advance of infantry, but the lightning charge of cavalry. The giant wolves raced across the field at top speed, more than three times faster than the slowly-advancing vampires. The sound of their paws striking the ground drowned out the storm that raged around us. If the Volturi's advance was like drifting snow, the Pack's was like an avalanche. It was enough to give even the approaching vampires pause for a moment – but no more than that. Any single vampire could take on a whole herd of elephants. What did an army of vampires have to fear from a pack of oversized canines?

They were about to learn.

As the wolves ran, they veered to the right. Jacob had no intention of playing Caius's game, letting the Volturi overwhelm him with their numbers. Instead, he used the wolves' greater speed to concentrate his assault on the Volturi's far left flank, neatly nullifying the Volturi's numbers advantage. At the last possible instant, the pack, that had seemed almost like a single mass of fur and flesh, split into an unevenly-spaced but very orderly line. There was a pattern to their spacing: two, then one and one, then two, then one and one It looked like morse code: dot dot, dash dash, dot dot, dash dash... There were two other patterns I could see as well, though I hoped the Volturi couldn't: strong, weak, strong, weak; and an overall trend of weaker wolves to the right, and stronger wolves to the left. Sam, the strongest wolf after Jacob, was the far left anchor, closest to the heart of the enemy. Seth and his sister Leah were the outermost pair.

Seth was an exception to the rule. He not the weakest wolf, but he was the youngest, and the rest of the Pack wanted to protect him. Jake wanted to protect him. And no one faulted him for that. No one except Seth. But Seth also wanted to be close to his sister, so it worked out.

Leah was so fast that even though she had the farthest to run, she was the first to engage her opponent. A burly vampire raised his arms and turned to fend her off – and Seth hit him from the side, taking off his arm and half his shoulder in a single bite.

That's the way that werewolves fight. One on one, with a few notable exceptions, they are no match for the more powerful, nearly invulnerable vampires. But the werewolves have a slight edge in speed, and their mind link makes their teamwork unparalleled. In scarcely two seconds, Seth and Leah had ripped their opponent into manageable pieces, while Colin and Embry, just a little to their left, each kept a vampire too busy to help its comrades. Jared and Brady were only a little behind Seth and Leah, sending their target flying in two directions less than three seconds after they first engaged him. In the meantime, Seth and Leah turned their attention to Colin's playmate, while Colin abandoned her and focused on helping Embry.

In less than five seconds after the battle was joined, the seventeen werewolves had taken out fourteen vampires and had hardly gotten a scratch in return. My jaw almost hit my chest. I knew that Jacob had been holding back at practice, but I never imagined this! For an instant my heart thrilled with new-found hope, then I remembered that Jake and Alice and Edward, at least, already knew that the wolves could do this – knew it, and knew that it wouldn't be enough. I looked again and tried to think like a general. First, I noticed something that I had missed before. Most of the vampires that the pack was taking down so easily had eyes a more brilliant red than a typical vampire's. Newborns. I bet most of them came from the army Victoria had been building in Seattle, before she abandoned that plan.

They were powerful and vicious, but untrained and undisciplined. Typical newborns had the self control of gang bangers on angel dust. Couple that with the thick smell of blood in the air – courtesy of our human friends – and add the emotions of irrational exuberance that Jasper was projecting, and the Pack's success, while still impressive, wasn't quite so surprising. The vampires they were facing were no more than cannon fodder, and almost totally out of control.

Then too, I quickly saw a fatal flaw in Jake's strategy. While the Pack tore through the Volturi's weak left flank, their more powerful right and center was quickly closing on us! Jake and Caius were playing a high-stakes game of chicken. Was Jacob willing to sacrifice us for a chance to decimate the Volturi? Was Caius willing to see the Volturi decimated for the chance to wipe out the werewolves once and for all?

One hundred and fifty yards: nineteen vampires down, but several of the wolves had visible flesh wounds. Jared was favoring is right front paw. Screams from Jasper, Kate and Irina reminded me that Jane was still a factor. My shield had nowhere near enough range to defend everyone against her.

One hundred twenty yards: twenty two vampires down, but I heard one of Evan's ribs crack while he took down vampire number twenty three. Tanya, Garret and Esme were Jane's latest victims.

One hundred yards: twenty six vampires down, but so was Brady. He was still alive, but just barely. I doubted any vampires would risk going back to finish him off. At least I hoped not. Shouldn't someone tell the humans to start running? If a vampire got past us, it would go through them like a tornado through a trailer park.

Rose had her turn writhing and screaming, then Carlisle again. I was useless to them; it was all I could do to protect Jacob, Edward and Renesmee. Forgive me, my family, but I had to protect Jacob, Edward and Renesmee!

"Jared duck left!"

That was Alice, just a little to right of Jacob. Jared ducked before the sound of her voice could even reach him – another advantage of the mind link: Jacob heard her; Jared heard her. That was one reason Alice was stationed at the rear, just behind Jacob: the Pack got the benefit of her advance-warning system. Jared narrowly missed getting creamed by a large rock that flew by him at near-sonic speed. We had made sure that there were no stones in easy reach on the battlefield, but this one had seemed to rise up out of the ground and launch itself at the wolves, as if by magic.

Oh, wonderful.

I heard an anguished cry behind me. It was a woman's voice, screaming in a combination of pain and rage, and... triumph? I didn't turn to see what had happened, but Renesmee did. That wasn't good. "Concentrate. Concentrate," I said. I refrained from checking to see if she obeyed me. I looked straight ahead and saw a new wolf charging past me on my right. A female! Did it just take an extra strong push to get the women to change? She was quickly joined by two more, a male and another female. And that did finally cause the vampires to pause.

The Volturi had no way of knowing how many of the humans were really werewolves waiting in reserve. For all we knew, any of them could be. But for all they knew, all of them were. Now wouldn't that be something?

"Brother?" Aro asked, placing his hand on Caius's shoulder. "Would you give us a Pyrrhic victory?"

In frustration and anger Caius called his troops to regroup. The vampires closest to us, the right tip of their imperfect crescent moon formation, were only twenty yards away from our own left point when Caius called them back. Most of them looked very relieved as they carefully made their retreat. And a couple of them weren't as careful in their retreat as they should have been. That brought our count in this first exchange to twenty nine.

"They do well double-teaming newborns and stragglers," said Caius. "Let's see how well they do against a proper Roman phalanx."

The Romans favored a battle formation where they ordered their troops into a square or rectangle, several men deep. Caius wasn't able to get his army anywhere near so neatly organized though. Oh, the Volturi guard quickly formed a proper rectangle, but the black-robed elite guard only numbered thirty. The rest of the vampires at his command were a diverse and unruly group. The best they could manage was to form a fairly tight clump. That could still be very effective against the Pack, though. The wolves were too big, and their opponents too close together, for the wolves' preferred fighting style to be effective. But this formation was also, slightly, better for the Denali and the Cullens. With the Volturi so tightly packed, their movements were hindered, and they would have to fight us one on one – much better for us than trying to fight them five at a time. We'd still lose. But we'd do some serious damage – unless Alec made all our strategies moot. So the Volturi took their time regrouping, while Alec prepared his mental attack.

As the Volturi prepared for their final assault, we were not completely idle. While they pulled back, the Cullens and Denali charged forward, trying to take out as many of them as they could before Alec could bring his power to bear. The Pack also continued to harry and harrass the Volturi's left flank while it maneuvered to regroup with our vampires. Now that the easy pickings were gone, Jake wanted the Pack close to the covens, so they could cover for each other.

Alice and Emmett - who were stationed just behind and to the right of me - were also busy. The two youngest Cullens had cooked up a little something, and now they were ready to try it out. Emmett's home-made weapon was a bit like an atlatl, a long stiff sling used for throwing spears or javelins. It's one of the oldest weapons known, dating back to the old stone age, but Emmett had upgraded it a bit. His was made of titanium, and the projectiles it threw were not javelins, but cannon balls. Powered by Emmett's massive strength, the thing packed more punch than a howitzer. It did not technically violate the vampire rule against modern weaponry. It used no chemicals, just metal and vampire muscle. But if it worked, the Volturi were in for a shock.

Emmett positioned the long heavy bar on his shoulder, and Alice placed two metal spheres into the shallow cups forged into it. One was at its tip, the other was about two feet closer in. The spheres were silver, and they were connected to each other by a thin silver wire. Alice placed her hand on the front tip of the pole to help Emmett guide it and to add her power to his. At a signal from her, Emmett let fly with all his might. The ball closer to Emmett flew low and fast, while the outer one flew high and even faster. The thin wire unspooled from inside them as they flew.

The lower ball went unerringly straight at Alec. But, at the last instant, a very large and handsome vampire stepped in front of it. From the description I'd been given, this had to be Felix, Caius's top lieutenant. He and Emmett knew each other by reputation, and Emmett had actually been looking forward to finding out which of them was the stronger. I didn't see how there could be any question; this guy was bigger than Jake! Impishly, he grinned at Emmett and caught the silver sphere like a professional ball player catching an easy pop fly.

No. Silver has no special power against vampires – or werewolves either, for that matter. Those were just myths. But it is a strong and flexible metal.

And it's a better conductor than copper.

Alice had timed this perfectly, of course. She was even better at predicting the weather than she was at predicting the actions of fickle humans and vampires; storms never change their minds. This one, which had been gaining strength around us, was anxiously seeking a path of low resistance to unleash a portion of it's fury. The silver thread, about fifty yards long by the time it reached the Volturi, was just what it was looking for. Ben Franklin would have been so proud – at least, Garrett says he would have. The lightning was deafening and blinding, even to me. It took a tenth of a second for my vision to clear. But when it did, Felix still stood there, still grinned triumphantly, holding a lump of glowing slag in his hand.

His companions started to laugh. One of them slapped him playfully on the back - and Felix crumbled to the ground, like a beautiful porcelain statue that had been broken and put back together with very bad glue. Emmett would never know which of them had been the stronger.

We had no time to revel in this small victory, however. An instant after Felix died, Alice began to scream, and scream, and scream. Jane was in range of us now. She locked her gaze on Alice and held it there much longer than she had with Carlisle. Emmett threw himself between Jane and Alice, trying to shield her, but that did no good. As far as we knew, the only thing that could block Jane's power was distance – and my own small talent.

Hearing Alice's screams, my anger and frustration raged inside me, like a lion caught in a trapper's snare. But there was nothing I could do. Jacob, Edward and Renesmee, they were the ones I had to protect. No matter how much it hurt, that's who I had to protect. I prayed that my sister would forgive me.

After ten long seconds, Jane only finally relented in order to keep Jasper from dismantling another of her allies.

Caius continued to hold his stronger forces in reserve. The vampires that he had positioned at the front were there just to keep us busy, while Alec gathered his will. Why waste his best fighters on Cullens and Denali, when the Cullens and Denali would soon be blind and deaf and totally helpless? He kept them fresh for fighting werewolves, once the Cullens and Denali were incapacitated. The fighters he had at the front were no match for the likes of Jasper, Kate and Irina; but whenever our side tried to press its advantage, Jane would use her mental attack to knock us back on our heals. Our front lines were engaged in what could best be described as an aggressive defense, taking out as many of the enemy as we could, while we slowly gave ground.

Then Jane made a mistake. After sending Jasper to his knees, she decided to try another target, now that she was closer to us. First she concentrated on me. She stared at me intently; that's the only reason I knew that she was trying to hurt me. I didn't feel a thing. That made her more angry than ever, and I must confess, I did grin a little. Then I felt the blunt knife of her fury stab impotently at Renesmee. Renesmee!

She was well protected, of course; she didn't feel any pain, and was probably even unaware of the attempt. But I knew. Jane had tried to hurt my daughter.

She had tried to hurt my daughter!

For once, I was glad to be a somewhat irrational newborn. It did not matter one whit to me that Jane did not know who her target was, or that we had just killed her friend, and were trying to kill her brother.

I could care less.

She. Had tried. To hurt. My daughter!

Gone was the caged lion that had been my fury. It was consumed by the fire of my rage. It burned so hot, I felt like I would soon burst into flames if I did not find some place to vent it. So I directed it the only place I could – into my mental shield. I felt it harden, and strengthen – and grow. Rage did for my talent what adrenaline and desperation could do for a human's strength. It let me push beyond what I had previously thought were my limits, past the mental block that I had unconsciously placed on my power. Once that dam was broken, my strength flowed in a torrent. With a burst of will, I sent my shield out from me, to encompass first Alice, then Emmett and the rest of the Cullens, then the Denali as well. Finally, all of my family was protected. Jane would not hurt them again. And I still had strength to spare. I considered extending my shield behind me to protect the humans, but I decided not to push my luck. Besides, if Jane did use her talent on them, we might get another wolf or two.

That sounds like a cold calculation, and it was. But I was trying to save their lives. I was trying to save my family. And in any case, I doubted she would waste the effort on humans. So the only human I protected was Claire. I was cold, and I was desperate – but I had worked hard to keep some of my humanity. I wasn't going to lose it now.

I felt Jane stab futilely at the Cullens and Denali, at me and Pascal. It was her turn now to be angry and frustrated, and I did feel her jabs grow stronger in response – but not enough. She had anger and will, but she lacked discipline. And her fury was a pale shadow next to mine. I had her number.

"Guys, you're covered. I've got your back," I whispered in wolfspeak, loud enough for all the vampires on our side to hear me.

The response was immediate. Suddenly, we were on offense, not defense. Six more pawns went down before they realized that Jane could no longer protect them. Then two more fell, as they scampered backwards, seeking the protection of the stronger warriors behind them.

I let go of Jake's fur, which I had been gripping tightly since the battle began. I no longer needed to have him close to me for my shield to protect him. So I gave him a light tap on the rump to spur him on. With a quick glance at me for confirmation, Jacob raced to the front. Now he was free to show the Volturi why he was the pack's Alpha.

Our enemies were not slow to adjust their tactics to this new reality. They quickly brought their strongest fighters to the front to counter ours. We no longer had easy pickings of newborns and inexperienced rabble. These fighters were as good as our best. And it was soon apparent that our weaker fighters were outmatched – and we were still hopelessly outnumbered. Eleazar went down while gallantly protecting Carmine. They were both quickly ripped apart, and their pieces flung wide by a group of Volturi guardsmen. I didn't even have time to gasp, as I saw another group cut Carlisle and Esme off from their stronger companions.

If Edward didn't do something soon, we were done for.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice and Emmett launch another volley of their 'lightning balls'. They had five in the air before the first one hit its target. But Alec easily sidestepped the one that was aimed at him, which exploded in a brilliant flash mere yards behind him. The others were all duds, hardly even distracting the vampires who easily avoided them. It was beginning to look like Alice and Emmett could better use their energies at the front. They seemed to come to the same conclusion; they exchanged a quick glance and raced up to help Esme and Carlisle. I moved at the same time they did – but only to shield Renesmee's sight; I did not want her to see what was about to happen.

Far on the other side of the Volturi's front lines, a figure moved next to Alec, someone who seemed to whisper something in his ear. But then the figure suddenly grabbed Alec by the hair, ripped his head off his shoulders, and threw it high into the air. A sudden roar came from the enemy ranks, as the stunned vampires tried to comprehend what had just happened. A couple of fast runners raced to catch Alec's head – like ball players trying to catch a long drive. But they never stood a chance; Leah Clearwater was ready for it. The lightning-fast she wolf was the best outfielder the world has ever known.

Snoopy, eat your heart out.

We had buried Edward in a shallow grave, in the middle of the battlefield, buried him in a crouching position, so that he would be ready to spring up like a jack in the box when the time was right. He had waited there while the battle raged above him, waited until exactly the right moment – while everyone was momentarily blinded by the flash of lightening, and the explosion of mud and steam.

Only Alice and Edward could pull something like this off. Alice saw the future, and Edward, attuned as he was to his sister's mind, saw what Alice saw. And he had the skill and courage to turn her vision into reality. We had only one shot, one chance to save ourselves from a massacre, and save the Quileute from genocide. It had to be fast. It had to be perfect. It had to be Edward. His target was Alec, the Volturi's strongest weapon. And now we had him. At least, we had his head, and that was all that really mattered. His power was purely mental, after all – all in his head. And we had taken it, like a friendly game of capture the flag. Like stealing lightning from the gods.

While Edward and Leah captured Alec, Alice and Emmett covered Carlisle's retreat from the front. Now it was Carlisle's job to convince, cajole or coerce Alec to turn his power on his own coven. Carlisle was our best diplomat; and Alec knew him, knew that he could trust any promise Carlisle made. If Carlisle succeeded, and if Alec had enough time to focus his will and bring his power to bear, then our enemies were done for. Recognizing that, the Volturi abandoned their slow, cautious advance for an all-out push to destroy us as quickly as possible. The battlefield erupted into chaos.

This was what we had planned for – hoped for, despite the danger. We didn't know for sure whether Alec could be turned against his own coven; Alice couldn't see what his decision would be. But his allies couldn't know what he would do either – and they all knew what _could_ do. They were desperate to recover him before he could turn his awesome power against them. And desperate men make poor soldiers. All discipline in the Volturi ranks dissolved, while ours stayed strong. Our vampires held their defensive positions, while the wolves once again were able to double team disorganized opponents. We were still badly outnumbered, almost five to one. If we couldn't convince Alec to help us, we were going to take horrible losses. In fact, we would probably all be killed. But if new wolves continued to pop up to replace our fallen comrades, we might be able to prevent a genocide. We might be able to protect the children.

The plan could not have worked without Renesmee - or me either, for that matter. If Renesmee hadn't been able to impersonate Edward, the Volturi would have noticed his absence. They would have suspected a trap. And without me shielding both Edward and Renesmee, Demetri, with his psychic tracking ability, would have known exactly where Edward was and that Renesmee was an impostor. Of course, the Volturi still must have wondered why Edward was standing back from the front lines. But they would have wondered why Jacob and I were doing the same. We didn't care what they guessed we were up to – as long as they didn't guess the truth. We were fortunate that they didn't know about Renesmee's or my abilities, or they might have.

Unfortunately, we could not let Renesmee guess the truth either. To her, this was all a game. Now, her imprint was trapped far behind enemy lines, and I could not let her see what was about to happen to him. I moved to shield Renesmee's sight, even before Edward made his move. I swear that I was fast enough. It was impossible that she could have seen him. But something, some intuition or some connection that a werewolf has, with her pack or with her imprint, something told her that Edward was in danger. I saw the look of panic on her face. I tried to grab her, to hold her and comfort her and keep her safe.

All I got was a handful of feathers.

"Renesmee! Renesmee!" I screamed, as she flew across the field. I tried to run after her, but she was far too fast for me, and too fragile. I couldn't risk making a desperate lunge for her. She could shift her way out of any hold I could make – unless, possibly, I held her by the neck. And I wasn't about to do that! Not with my strength and her fragility. For the first time since I became a vampire, I was having a nightmare! My legs felt like lead weights. My mental shield wavered and almost collapsed. It was not presence of mind that kept that it from falling completely. It was my panic. As I felt my world crumble into pieces around me, I desperately tried to grab whatever I could to hold it together, like a drowning woman grabbing at whatever and whoever was close by. My mental shield connected me to everyone inside it, connected me to their life forces, as I mentally held onto them. I held them now, for dear life. That was all I could do. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was all I could do.

Jake's reaction, the Pack's reaction, to Renesmee's flight was practically instantaneous. They didn't even waste a glance in her direction. Quil saw her, so they all saw her. Too late too stop her, they knew what she was doing and where she was going. And they knew what they had to do. Jake and Embry disengaged from their opponents, while their brothers moved to cover them. They took a few steps back, then they charged forward, leaped onto the backs of two other wolves, and leaped again, high over the heads of the vampires in front of them.

I bit my lip when I saw that their heroic effort wasn't enough. They weren't going to make it! They were going to come back down in the middle of the vampire army, well short Edward and Renesmee. Then the two wolves came together in mid air; and Jake leaped again, off Embry's back. The force of Jacob's leap sent Embry flying backward the way he'd come. He came down just inside the enemy's front line, taking the nearby vampires completely by surprise. His hind legs sent the two behind him sprawling into his waiting brothers, while he caught a third one in his powerful jaws before she could even look up. He tossed her back and forth vigorously to clear a path for his retreat.

The hole Embry punched in the enemy's line gave me a brief glimpse of what was happening with Edward and Renesmee. Edward stood next to a small wolf. Her fur was a copper blond, the same color as Edward's hair – and Nessie's. Man and wolf were both engaged in the fight of their lives. Renesmee was as determined to defend Edward, as he was to defend her. He valiantly fought two attackers at once, but he couldn't protect her from a third. She took several quickly-healing cuts and didn't even flinch – though Edward did. Every time Renesmee got hit, Edward's anguish mirrored my own. Then Renesmee took a sharp blow to the head, and Edward looked like a man who had just been shot. A moment later, a tiny dark-haired toddler lay unconscious at his feet. Again my talent saved me from myself. The mysterious connection I have with all the people I am shielding told me that Renesmee was still alive. So I held my ground and held Renesmee in the cradle of my psychic embrace.

Jake slammed into the vampire who had just knocked out his daughter. And he showed no mercy. Ripping the fiend apart, he using its body as a club against the vampires attacking Edward. The last thing I saw, before the chaos of battle again blocked my view, was Edward and Jacob, back to back, with Renesmee between them.

I thought I knew what love was. I thought I knew better than anyone. Hadn't I loved Edward better than Juliet loved Romeo? Didn't I love Jacob better than Isolde loved Tristam? But I had never loved either of them as much as I loved them both in that moment. As the two men stood against the monsters that threatened my daughter, there was no difference between father and imprint, best friend and lover. They both loved my daughter, as I loved both of them. And they were both going to die protecting her. No greater love exists.

"Tanya, springboard!"

Irina and Tanya disengage from their opponents, much like Jake and Embry had just seconds earlier, while Garrett and Kate covered for them. The Denali sisters didn't have the werewolves' psychic connection to help them coordinate their actions, but they had a thousand years of practice. And Garrett was a very quick study. Tanya threw herself on her back and brought her feet up to provide a springboard for Irina. The soles of the two women's feet came together with a thunderous clap, and Irina was propelled back and up faster than an arrow from a longbow. The white-haired girl turned as she flew, or seemed to fly, and her sword cut the air in front of her. I saw Tanya blow her sister a kiss, but I don't think Irina saw it. She was focused straight ahead. The look on her face was grim and determined, but also almost... rapturous, like this was what she was made for. She was a Valkyrie. She was an Archangel. She was Supergirl. 'Save my baby. Please save my baby.' I silently prayed.

We were not the only ones to send reinforcements to the small battle taking place far behind the front lines. Caius, the Volturi leader, who was also their fiercest fighter, raced across the field with a speed that rivaled Leah's. He tossed his own guardsmen and allies aside like rag dolls if they got in his way. They soon opened a path for him – straight to Edward. And his goal was murder. He slammed into Edward like a freight train, knocking him to the ground. Jake couldn't help; four black-robed Volturi guardsmen closed in around him. Alone, he wasn't a match for even one of them. All he could do was stand his ground protectively over Renesmee. He would fight for as long as he was able, but it was a fight he had no chance of winning. Nor was Edward any match for Caius. He was our best fighter, but Caius pinned him to the ground effortlessly. He was that good. Their fight was over in a fraction of a second. He sank his teeth into Edward's neck – just as Irina's sword skewered his own neck from behind.

Caius was indeed a much, much better fighter than Edward. He was quite simply the best in the world. But Edward did have his advantages. While Caius was focused on Edward, Edward was focused, not on Caius, but on Alice. That's how he was able to maneuver Caius to exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time, for Irina to run him through. Through the lens of Alice's mind, he saw how the fight would play out – whole seconds before it actually happened. It was Irina's sword, and not Caius's teeth, that nicked Edward's shoulder, as it went straight through the back of Caius' neck.

But if that even slowed Caius down, I couldn't see it. He immediately twisted around to grab Irina, throwing Edward off him in the process. Before Edward even hit the ground, Caius had eliminated Irina's advantage. In another instant, he pulled her sword out of his own neck and used it to pin her right arm behind her back. Though she continued to struggle, in the space of a human heartbeat he had her effectively immobilized.

"We should have executed you a thousand years ago," Caius hissed, as he slowly forced Irina into biting position. "You were so contrite, so full of excuses for how you and your sisters managed to stay ignorant of your mother's crimes. What's your excuse this time, siding with these... monsters?"

Edward landed just a few feet away from Jacob. And fluttering down just behind Edward was Irina's cloak. It landed on top of Renesmee. Despite the horror of the situation, I couldn't help but be impressed – both with Irina's skill and with her consideration for my daughter. Jake noticed too. Without taking his eyes off his opponents, he gave a nod of thanks to Irina and used his paw to tuck the cloak under Renesmee. The four vampires who'd been cautiously drawing a tighter circle around Jacob backed up a bit at Edward's surprising reentry into their fight. He and Jacob were now squaring off against the four soldiers, who slowly circled the two of them, looking for an opening. Taking no chances, two more soldiers moved up to reinforce them. Edward and Jacob had practiced together often in the past month; they fought well together. But they had no chance against six. And there was nothing they could do for Irina.

"Sorry I couldn't lead you any better – my Lady," said Jacob.

Irina gave a short choking laugh. She had ignored Caius's question, but she responded to Jacob. In a lilting, almost musical voice, she said, "When humans say, 'I would follow you into Hell,' vampires say, 'I would follow you against the Volturi.' I knew what I was getting into, my Lord."

"Your Lord?" Caius spat the words contemptuously. "You follow this fowl cur and call him Lord? You disgust me. Well, Hell is exactly where he has lead you."

"No, Monsignor Caius. This time, I lead."

Irina's legs suddenly jackknifed behind her. Her bare feet caught her sword between them, and drove it the rest of the way through her body. The sword barely scratched Caius, but went straight into the small metal cylinder that he wore at his waist. The vampire teeth that lined its edge cut easily into the metal, releasing its contents. Greek fire, they call it. I never found out exactly what it was made of, but it must have been some kind of highly flammable fluid or gas. Caius would use it to burn his opponents, after he had dismembered them. He was arrogant enough, and confident enough, to carry the one thing that could kill him, tied to his belt. For a moment, Irina and Caius were covered in a soft-blue and ultra-violet glow.

Unbroken vampire skin is pretty much impervious to fire, but Caius and Irina had many cuts from their battle. These caught like matches in the intense heat of that eerie flame. Caius screamed once. Irina didn't. Then the two of them went up like flash paper. I was so stunned by Irina's sacrifice, it took me a moment to refocus my attention. Jake and Edward still squared off against the six Volturi guard. They had hardly moved an inch. The guard also looked stunned and disbelieving at the spot where Irina and Caius had been. And they looked angry. But they did not lose their composure, or their discipline. They carefully began again to tighten their circle around my three loves, my world, my life. I was beyond fear that Edward, Jacob and Renesmee were about to die. I accepted that – as well as such things can be accepted. My fear now was that, when it happened, I would not be able to hold myself together long enough to help the rest of my family. My world was about to end. My life would soon follow. But I needed to follow Irina's example and make that life mean something. Make the Volturi pay for it dearly, and save as many of my family, friends and allies as I could.

While I was so intensely focused on the small battle taking place behind the enemy lines, the larger battle had not halted. It raged around me now, closer and more fiercely than ever. I concentrated on my mental shield, testing it and restrengthening it. That was when I first noticed that a couple of the minds, the lives I held so dear, were gone. Sam and Paul. They were gone. Just like that. It couldn't have been more than a second or so since they were alive and strong. And now they were gone.

Sam was... It was impossible to picture the Pack without Sam. Jake had taken over as its head, but Sam had always been its heart. Like the Cullens, if they lost Carlisle, the Pack would never even be close to the same again. And Paul. Paul had been quick to anger, but also quick to forgive. He was a joker, and a prankster, but also a good sport who didn't mind when the joke was on him. Paul was going to be my brother in law. And now he was gone. Rachel, Jake's sister – my sister – was his imprint. She was only a few yards behind me; she might have even seen it happen. My poor, poor sister. She and Sam's Emily were going to be... shattered. Their worlds were destroyed, just like mine was about to be.

The world around me darkened. I was close to sinking into despair, but I couldn't let myself succumb to it. Not yet. I tried to shake it off, but the darkness only deepened. I was slow to realize that it wasn't just me. It wasn't just despair; the world around me really was darkening. I began to fear this was some kind of attack. I tested my mental shield and found it strong and unbroken. But I was right about the darkness, or at least I was half right. This was an attack. It was the physical manifestation of Alec's power. But it was not directed at me or mine. It was directed at our enemies! Carlisle had done it. He had convinced Alec to turn his power against his own coven, against the Volturi.

Our enemies realized what was happening even before I did. Some of them knew exactly what this was, and others could easily guess. Their reactions varied widely. Many began to run away as fast as they could. Others fell to the ground and started to beg and pray for mercy. And a few just stood still and waited for what would come. But the six Volturi guardsmen, who were attacking Edward, Jacob and a still-unconscious Renesmee, did none of those things. They charged, determined to avenge Caius before the darkness could take them. Knowing that Jacob and Renesmee were about to die, Edward launched himself into his attackers. I looked on in horror as four of them tore into Edward like starving newborns on a human. At the same time, the other two charged Jacob.

Alice had predicted that if anyone tried to rescue Edward, they would die with him. After all we had done, as close as we had come, Alice's prediction was still coming true.

*With apologies to Brad Bird's 'The Iron Giant'.


	32. Aftershocks

_Still thou art blest, compared wi' me;_

_The present only toucheth thee._

_But och! I backward cast my eye,_

_on prospects drear._

_An' forward, tho' I canna see,_

_I guess, an' fear!_

–– Robert Burns

**32. Aftershocks**

The negotiations for the peace treaty seemed to drag on forever. To make matters worse, we had a few humans involved; so not only were we all parched with thirst, but we had to move and talk at a relative snail's pace. And I was a wreck. But I knew my duty. I would stand there and hold myself together as long as it took, holding my mental shield, in case one of our prisoners tried something. No one else would die that day. I was not going to lose another friend. I was not going to lose another member of my family.

Edward leaned heavily on Jacob, and it didn't seem to even bother him. He had one arm draped over Jacob's shoulder, and Jacob had one arm around his waist to help hold him up. Jacob held a sleeping Renesmee in his other arm. Even in her sleep, she gripped tightly to one of Edward's fingers. I kissed Jacob on the lips and Edward on the cheek, right on a long scar that ran diagonally across it. Edward was covered in freshly-sealed cuts. It was a wonder he could walk at all; his limbs looked barely attached. I knocked my forehead gently against his and whispered, "Thank you. Again." Jacob shifted Renesmee over to me. She came partly awake, startled by the separation from Edward, but then she saw who had her and settled back down contentedly. A moment later she was back asleep.

From across the field, Jasper gave a signal that he felt it was safe enough for the remaining humans to approach us – with an escort. Rachel came up to us with Esme hovering discreetly behind her. Most of the other humans had left as soon as the battle was over, but she and Billy and Sue Clearwater had stayed behind. Billy and Sue were included in the peace treaty negotiations. Carlisle pushed Billy's wheelchair over to the conference area. He conversed with Billy and Sue as they walked. But Rachel looked like a lost child. Esme looked concerned for her, but I didn't think it was for her safety. Rachel was almost as unsteady on her feet as Edward was, and she was crying.

Of course she was crying. I wanted to cry too. But that would have only made things worse. Edward gave her a polite nod, then went to join Carlisle. He still limped, but he was healing quickly, and he was wise enough to know that he couldn't help Rachel. She didn't seem to even notice him, or me. She went straight to her brother.

"Oh, Jacob," she sobbed.

"I know, sis." He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry."

He held his sobbing sister for a minute before pulling away. "Why don't you and Dad take Claire back to the house? Sue doesn't need him. We'll call the Youngs and have them meet you there."

Rachel's look hardened, and she shook her head. "I want to see him – it, the one who killed Paul."

"Rachel. It won't do any good to meet him."

"I don't want to meet him. I want to watch him burn!"

Jacob shook his head. "We're not killing him, Rache. We're not killing any of them. We need them too much."

"What?" Her protest was loud enough to disturb Renesmee. But I just stroked her hair, and she settled back down. "What do you mean, not killing any of them? Alice Cullen was lopping off heads five minutes ago. You don't need them – but you need the one that killed Paul?"

"Alice wasn't killing them, Rachel. She was just making sure they stayed out of trouble for a while."

She looked at her brother like he'd just grown an extra head, and horns. "But," she stammered, "Why?"

"For one thing, we gave our word. That was the promise Carlisle gave to get Alec to help us. But even if he hadn't, Rachel, we need them. We can't control the vampires – the ones that got away and the ones who didn't come here—there are over a thousand vampires around the world. We could never control them all without the Volturi."

"So what? Who cares!"

"Rachel, the last time the Volturi lost control of things, in the middle ages, Europe lost a quarter of its population. They have their counterpart in Asia, but Africa and South America have been battlegrounds for centuries. There were no vampires in the Americas before Columbus, but he brought one with him, without knowing it. When he came back, two years later, most of the islands he'd visited were deserted. Whole nations were wiped out. By the time the Pilgrims landed, the Americas were down to a quarter of what we'd had at our peak. It only takes three days for a vampire to make a new coven, Rache. In a month, he or she can have an army. How are we supposed to fight that on our own? We need the Volturi."

"They're not your problem. Just kill the murderers you already caught. Why do you have to be to world's policemen?"

"Because we're the Protectors. That's who we are. I owe Sam that much, and Paul."

"Leave Paul out of this!" She had to know how wrong that was. But she pushed on. "They came here to murder us, to murder all of us! They're murderers a hundred times over – a thousand! They killed Sam. They killed Paul. And you're just going to let them all go?"

"No. We're not just letting them go. We're making the vampires accept a new treaty, same one we have with the Cullens. No more biting people, and..."

"That's it?" she asked. "They murder us, murder your friends, and all they have to do is promise to behave? Go and sin no more?"

"No, Rachel. That's pretty much the treaty we're making with all vampires—with vampire kind. But the ones who attacked us here today have an extra penalty: They have to help us enforce it. A few of them, like Alec, are going to be our prisoners for a long time. If anyone tries to attack us for the next hundred years, we'll have Alec to use against them. But we're not keeping any prisoners we don't have to, it'll be hard enough just to keep a guard on the ones we are."

She just glared at him with gritted teeth.

"We can't do this by ourselves, Rachel. We're not that strong. And if we don't do this, besides the fact that people will keep getting murdered all over the world, eventually another army will come here, and this time it won't be two hundred. It'll be two thousand! Or twenty thousand. We..."

"I don't care!" she shouted. "Build your utopia. I don't care. But you don't need the one that killed Paul!"

"I can't break the treaty I just made."

Rachel stared at him. Or tried to. Tears streamed down her face, and she could hardly catch her breath. We stood there awkwardly, Jacob and me wishing that there was some way to comfort his sister, Rachel wishing she could force us to give her the justice and vengeance she deserved. But it was impossible, for all of us. I wished I could comfort her. I knew exactly how she felt. But there was a gulf between us. We were too different. It wasn't just that I was a vampire and she was a human. It was that the ones who'd tried to kill my dearest loves had failed. And another difference – if they had succeeded, if Edward or Jacob or Renesmee had died, no one would have been able to stop me from killing the ones who did it.

We weren't even given the luxury to stand there very long.

War is a kind of disaster, and disasters don't die easily. They kick and thrash and come back to life again and again, like some horror-movie monster. People think it's over when the earthquake stops, but then the aftershock hits; the building catches on fire, and the tsunami strikes and drowns the people who ran out of the building, or the building collapses on the people who went in to fight the fire. It was less than thirty minutes after the battle ended that this disaster rose, zombie-like, from its grave. I heard a soft, high-pitched cry that quickly grew louder. I looked, just in time to see Quil phase human and twist around to catch Claire before she could fall to the ground. She was still unconscious. But she was crying.

"Doc!" he called. "Doctor Cullen!"

Carlisle was still talking to the remaining Volturi leaders, ironing out details of the new treaty. He took less than a second to race over to check Claire.

"What's wrong with her, Doc?" asked Quil. "She was sleeping, but I could tell the sedative was starting to wear off. I could hear her breathing and her heartbeat, strong and steady. I was about to ask Rachel to take her to her parents."

Carlisle nodded absently as he examined the little girl. Then he breathed in sharply. So did Edward. A few dozen yards away, Alice squeezed her eyes tightly shut, as if that could keep her from seeing what was about to happen. "Alec," said Carlisle, "would you please? This child is suffering. And I need to talk to her guardian."

Alec nodded in assent and extended his psychic Novocain to Claire. Emmett, who had Alec in an unbreakable headlock, did not relax his grip in the slightest. But he did say 'thank you' to his cooperative captive.

"She's been scratched," Carlisle said softly.

"No! No. I mean... one got through, but..." Quil talked fast, rambling. "He took a swing at me. We took him down easy. He barely touched her!"

"But he licked his fingers to make them better weapons," Carlisle explained.

"It's a tiny scratch!" Quil practically screamed.

"Quil," Carlisle said calmly. "Venom acts like a virus, taking over her cells, making them make more venom. We might have stopped it, if we'd caught it early. But now... nothing in the world can stop the transformation."

"Don't be ridiculous, Carlisle," said Aro calmly, from across the field. "There is one thing that can stop it. And you know what must be done."

"No!" Quil and Jacob said together. They were joined by fierce growls from all the wolves. The others were all still in wolf form.

Aro didn't even flinch. Cool as a cucumber, he said, "This treaty does not and cannot overrule our most absolute law – no immortal children. Besides, you would not like her as a vampire. Tell them, Carlisle. Explain to these children the facts of life."

Carlisle's look and voice were filled with sorrow. "He's right," he said. "She will be a horror. Precious and beautiful, but still a horror. You will not be able to control her. And she will not be able to control her appetite. No human could come near her. Even werewolves, while unappetizing, will still be seen as food."

"No one is killing Claire." Jacob said each word slowly and deliberately.

"Is your word worth so little?" asked Aro. "Can we not trust you to keep your side of the bargain even long enough for the blood on the paper to dry?"

His joke was in as poor taste as his humor. I got the feeling that Aro wasn't completely sure if he was willing to live with the treaty we were imposing. For a moment, it looked like our fragile peace might be broken already. Then Edward spoke up. "Jacob, Aro," he said, addressing the two leaders as equals. "You're both right. We cannot kill a human child; everyone here has sworn not to – including you, Aro. But once she becomes a vampire..."

"No!" Jake objected. Quil only held the tiny girl to his cheek.

"Jake," said Alice, joining the discussion, "once she becomes a vampire – you'll see. Aro, they'll all see. You can trust me on this. There will be no argument." She turned away from them and shook her head. "No argument at all."

Aro looked like he was going to object, but one of his former allies spoke up.

"She speaks the truth," the small woman said. That was Maggie, a surprisingly cheerful Irish woman. She was actually an old friend of Carlisle's. She and her coven had been some of the Volturi's most reluctant allies; they had only agreed to go to war after the Pack killed a couple of friends of theirs in Florida. I guess you could call her a trustee, though she behaved more like a house guest than a prisoner. Once she assured us that she and her coven would abide by the treaty, the Cullens and the Denali took it as a given. They trusted her implicitly. Maggie's word was trusted by everyone; her special gift was truth. She never lied. And no one could lie to her.

Aro still looked ready to argue, but Marcus placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Maggie never lies. Nothing has changed, my brother." Aro bowed his head in defeat, and there was an easing in the atmosphere. Aro seemed to view every defeat as no more than a temporary tactical retreat, but it had been a long time since he had to retreat at all, and he visibly chaffed at the unfamiliar position he was in. He was eager to latch on to any excuse he could, to get out of the treaty he'd just made. But most of the other vampires were not so anxious, not with their strongest fighters currently in various states of dismemberment. I myself had serious concerns about this treaty of Jacob's. I worried that the vampires might have second thoughts later, after they'd been off human blood for a while and really started to miss it, and after they had time to recover from this defeat. But that was a worry for another day. For now, that treaty was keeping my loved ones alive. I couldn't ask for more than that.

Quil looked at Alice. He had tears in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as I've ever been. I see her so clearly now. She'll wake in three days, and she'll be nothing close to human. I'm sorry, Quil."

He nodded and stepped away from us. Unconcerned about his nudity, he stood still and pressed his face against the girl he cradled in his arms. With one cheek still pressed against her, he looked at me and Alec with pleading eyes. "I'd like to join her now, if you don't mind."

I withdrew my shield from Quil, and Alec's oblivion quickly took him. He looked peaceful – resolved and accepting. But above all, he had a look of... devotion. He was with the one he loved; it was that simple. Later, Esme, with her artist's eye and perfect memory, would commit this scene to marble. The statue she carved of Quil and Claire has a permanent home in the La Push museum; but it's often on loan – to the Louvre, the Guggenheim, the Met... She never titled it. The curator of the museum started to call it 'Imprint', but he decided that most people wouldn't understand. It remains untitled, but it's known around the world as simply, 'Love'.

We got a robe on Quil and put up a tent around him and Claire. We did all we could to make them secure for the next three days. We couldn't exactly make them comfortable, but neither were they uncomfortable. They couldn't see anything, hear anything, feel, smell or taste anything. They wouldn't be able to tell the difference, whether they were on a feather bed or a bed of nails.

Carlisle checked both of them often, to make sure they were physically healthy. He gave Quil an occasional shot of glucose, but there was nothing more he could do for Claire – physically that is. Knowing that Alec's void can quickly become a kind of torture, he asked another friend of his to help out. Zafrina, a vampire from the Amazon, who really looks like an Amazon, has the power to project images into people's minds. Carlisle asked her to project comforting images to Quil and Claire. And Jasper both monitored and steered their emotions to make sure that they were as happy as possible, under the circumstances.

I didn't even notice when Rachel left, I was so concerned about Quil and Claire. But once I was sure that there was nothing else I could do for them, I set about on an errand of my own. I couldn't miss this opportunity. There were several very powerful vampires here, who would probably never all be in the same place at the same time again.

As I headed out, I overheard Carlisle talking to Marcus.

"Won't you reconsider, my friend?"

"No. The taste of human blood is the only pleasure I have left. As I think about it, I find that quite pathetic. Don't you?"

"At least let Alec ease your passing."

"I came into this life through fire. I'll leave the same way. The void will have me soon enough."

I hurried on to do my chores. By the time I returned from making my arrangements, Marcus's pyre was dying down. I knew the Romanians would be positively giddy – in spite of their new restrictions. I got the impression that, like Irina with Caius, they would have happily joined Marcus on the pyre if that's what it took to get him there. I hurried to fetch Edward. We had important matters to discuss.

"What is it, Bella?" Edward asked again, once we were alone.

"It's... Edward, when Renesmee flew to rescue you, I..." That was a sentence I just couldn't finish. "I don't know how to describe how I felt. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad she saved you, or helped save you. But she shouldn't have done it! I mean she shouldn't have felt like she had to do it. We're supposed to look after her, not the other way around!"

"No," he agreed. "I wouldn't have let her do it, if I had known."

"I know you wouldn't. But my point is that she's still a baby. She needs to be a baby for a while."

"I know that, Bella. And of course, I agree."

"But don't you see? You have no choice in the matter – she has no choice. As long as she's near you, she will protect you. You're her imprint. She's as devoted to you as Quil is to Claire."

"I know," he said with resignation. "And I don't like it either. Like you say, we should be looking after her, not she us. I just hope you know that it's a two way street. I would do anything for her too."

"I know that. And you have no idea how grateful I am. But I want more for her, Edward. I want her to have a normal childhood, or as normal as possible."

"But what can we do about it?"

I took a deep breath – unnecessary now, but old habits die hard. "I've talked to the Romanians. Vlad and Stefan can make her forget you. Chelsea can weaken the bond that ties her to you."

Edward looked panicked.

"I won't do it without your permission," I hastened to add. "But I want you to think about it. This instinct of hers, it is beautiful. But it's already robbed her of her infancy, and now its robbing her of her childhood. Now that she's had a scare, and gotten it into her head that you need a defender, it's getting even worse. Have you noticed? She's physically almost a month older today than she was yesterday. It's as bad as when she was first born. If we don't do something, she'll race through her childhood in less than a year."

Edward nodded. "I noticed that her aging had accelerated. But I didn't make the connection as to the reason. I should have."

"You've been busier than I have."

"Why would the Romanians agree to do this for us?" he asked. "I can tell you, they are none too happy about being put on a diet."

I snorted. "They're getting all of Eastern Europe already. But now they won't have to get special permission to take out murderers and kidnappers. We'll just have you and Maggie check on them every once in a while to make sure they aren't cheating. They think it's a silly rule, but they can live with it. There are plenty of murderers and kidnappers in Eastern Europe."

"I wonder how long that will last," he mused. "And Chelsea?"

"She was going to have to stay in La Push, along with Alec. Now she can go home."

He was quiet for a while.

"It's not forever, Edward. Just long enough to give her a childhood."

He nodded. "I want that."

"I need you to monitor them. Make sure they're not doing anything other than what we agreed to."

Stefan's gift was purely mental, while Vlad's power was carried in the hypnotic sound of his voice. The end effect seemed about the same to me, but I noticed that my mental shield was not one hundred percent proof against Vlad's gift, as it was against Stefan's. And their gifts somehow complemented and reinforced each other, making the two of them together much more powerful than either of them was alone. It didn't take long for them to work their magic. It was a kind of souped-up hypnotism – very creepy. It made me very nervous to watch them mentally influence my little girl; I had to resist the urge to shield her from it. Shielding my loved ones from mental intrusions had become second nature to me, almost a reflex.

Chelsea also assisted the Romanians, weakening the bond between Edward and Renesmee. And Edward, Alice and Maggie all monitored this process. Edward read minds, Alice saw the future, and Maggie asked lots of questions and got truthful answers from Chelsea and the Romanians. They didn't try anything. Renesmee mercifully slept right through it. When she woke, assuming it worked on my strange little changeling, she would have no more memory of Edward than a normal child would have of the uncle she last saw when she was one month old. We weren't sure if the imprint was completely gone or not, probably just suppressed. But she wouldn't be constantly craving his presence or distressed by his absence. When they finished, Jacob took her back to the tent. He knew I still had some things to tend to with Edward.

"Thank you Edward," I said. "I know how hard this is for you."

He nodded, but I don't think he agreed. Again and again, Edward had sacrificed his own happiness for me and for my daughter. I couldn't really know what that was like. But I could be grateful. And I could return the favor, as well as I could.

"Yes," Stefan agreed. "It must be hard, knowing that the girl who should have been yours belongs to another man."

"_Both girls,_" Vlad amended.

"No, it's not like...," Edward started to object to their characterizations, but Stefan continued: "Bad enough to lose the woman of your dreams."

"_And the daughter, who should have been yours._" Vlad added.

"But to see them every day."

"_To love them, and be unable to touch them._"

"You were wise, Edward."

"_To not let yourself get attached to the child._"

Edward looked confused, and my heart went out to him, but I stayed silent.

"_You were wise,_" said Vlad.

"To stay away from the child," said Stefan.

"_Though your family speaks of her often._"

"You block out all words and thoughts of her."

"_You never met the child._"

"_Seeing her would be too painful,_" said Vlad.

"Too hard," said Stefan.

"_Never even saw her._"

"Feel as if you know her"

"_Held yourself apart._"

"So that you could heal."

"_It is good that you will be going to Europe._"

"Good that you will be busy,"

"Guarding the Volturi."

"_Making sure they keep their bargain._"

"Perhaps some day,"

"_When wounds,_"

"And hearts,"

"_Have healed._"

"Then you can meet the child."

"_Then you can be a friend._"

"A family."

"_To the woman you have loved._"

"And to the child, who could have been your own."

I was not the target of the Romanian's mesmerism. And I was well shielded. So I was a little startled to notice that they had disappeared. Even Maggie looked about uncertainly. But we regained our wits more quickly than Edward. And we knew our parts.

"I'll miss you, Edward," I said. And I meant it.

"And I shall be glad of your company," said Maggie, hooking her arm in his. "Come, you and I have travel arrangements to make, and a big job ahead of us."

The cheerful little Irishwoman led Edward away, and we waved farewell. No kiss this time. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. This wasn't good by. This wasn't the end of our story. It couldn't be.


	33. Epilogue

**33. Epilogue**

"You're putting on your ugly face."

I hum noncommittally at my daughter's comment, as I continue to apply my makeup. I want to get it just right. Besides, she doesn't really need a response, and I can't exactly disagree with her.

"It makes you look old."

She obviously isn't going to let me off so easy. "That's kind of the point."

"Kind of?"

"Well, almost totally."

"Almost?"

I turn to look at the adorable cherub sitting on my bed. Adorable, but also sometimes a bit irritating. Like all children.

"Almost totally," I repeat. "I mean, I can't very well look eighteen at my daughter's Sweet Sixteen. Can I? But I also don't want to look too good around a bunch of teenage boys. They're constantly flirting with me. And that kind of temptation, I don't need."

"Oh, you'd never cheat on Jacob!"

"Of course not! But I might cheat on my diet."

She giggles. Which gets me giggling. I try not to think about how easily my daughter can wrap me around her little finger. Not that it's much harder for her sister. But, when it comes to tugging at heartstrings, Nessie is a force of nature.

Our brief bout of giggles is interrupted by a distant boom that sounds almost like thunder. We both pretend not to hear it. Nessie goes back to posing angelically on the bed, and I go back to my makeup, reminded that I don't have much time. A minute later, my other daughter joins us, announcing her arrival with "Mom, I'm home!"

"We're in my room, Dear. I'm getting ready."

She joins us, sprawling on the bed. "Free at last! Free at last!"

I smile tolerantly at her dramatics. In the mirror, I see Nessie roll her eyes and scrunch her nose in irritation.

"You broke the sound barrier – again," she stage whispers.

"She can hear you, you know."

"Then I'm sure she heard you."

"You two don't fight. Ren, I'll let it slide this time; you're sixteen today, and graduation is tomorrow. Those are good enough excuses for a party. Nessie, let's cut your sister some slack."

"My name is not Nessie! Why can't you call me by my _real_ name?"

I'm a little startled by her sudden outburst. I do understand how difficult the charade is for her – especially for her. But I thought we were past that. Her outburst sends my mind back to that fateful day when she first became a vampire. The day that Claire Young died.

….

"I should be with them."

"Don't you think there are enough vampires in that tent already?"

"Alice! George and Carol are my friends!"

"This is not about you, Bella. Jacob, Carlisle and Esme will keep them safe. And actually, Carol is closer to Esme than she is to you, and you only barely even know George."

That was true, as far as it went. But I still felt that I was a bit more connected to the human world than the other vampires were, even Carlisle and Esme. I still had my mostly-human family, after all. What other vampire could say that? And I could well imagine what George and Carol were going through, watching their daughter change, knowing that she was going to die. No, even worse than that, knowing that she would have to be killed, because what she was changing into was – a monster. Reflexively, I looked over at my own daughter. She was bouncing happily in her Aunt Rosalie's arms a few dozen yards away. Imagining that it was her inside that tent made a cold anger well up inside me.

"You knew. Didn't you?"

Alice didn't answer. Which really was an answer, but not enough to satisfy me.

"You said that you could see the Pack's future by focusing on Claire. You've been focused on Claire's future for weeks now, and all through the battle. And that bastard who attacked her, that was no snap decision, that was deliberate. You had to have seen it coming."

Alice looked at me then, with sad eyes, and gave an almost imperceptible nod.

"I don't get it. I mean, I know we had to put her in danger by having her there at the battle, but we were supposed to protect her! You saw that attack coming. You could have stopped it. _I _could have stopped it. All you had to do was shout a warning. Why didn't you shout a warning?"

For a moment, it looked like she wasn't going to answer. Then she clinched her eyes shut and took a deep breath before she spoke. "You remember, I told you that I see vampires' futures most clearly, because I am one, and humans' futures a little, because I used to be one?"

I nodded.

"Well, I was wrong. I don't see werewolves' futures – not because I was never one of them, but because they can never become one of us. I do see humans' futures – not because I used to be one of them, but because they can become one of us. And the future paths I see most clearly are the ones where they are most likely to become vampires. I should have figured that out a long time ago. I kept seeing your future more and more clearly – until you started falling in love with Jacob. Then the odds of you becoming one of us started dropping, and you got harder and harder to see. Of course, once you got pregnant, all bets were off."

She shook her head before she continued. "Seeing Claire's future let me see the Pack's future, because of their connection to her. But I could only see it clearly as long as she was destined to become a vampire. That's probably why it didn't work for any of the other imprints; none of them had any real chance of ever becoming one of us."

"You deliberately let this happen – to give us an edge?"

She turned away from me then. She stared at the tent where Claire Young was quickly finishing her mortal days, and gave me the proverbial cold shoulder, as only a vampire could.

I thought back to those last few minutes of the battle. Quil and Claire had been attacked while my attention was focused on Edward, Jacob and Renesmee. And Alice... was focused on the exact same place – just a few seconds ahead. Seeing the future in Alice's mind had given Edward the edge he needed. He was able to position Caius in exactly the right spot for Irina to skewer him, because he could see it all happen in Alice's mind. He was able to save Jacob and Renesmee, because he could see exactly where their attackers were about to be, and what they were about to do. But without Claire, Alice could not see past Jacob, and Edward would not have been able to see a way through that battle. If Alice's vision had not been so clear, he would be dead. They all would be – Edward, Jacob, and Renesmee, and quite possibly the rest of us as well; I don't know if I could have held it together long enough to protect the rest of us, if I had watched them die.

"The nomad was a friend of Victoria's," I said in a small voice. "He attacked Claire because he thought she was my daughter."

Alice stiffened. That was the only sign that she had heard me. We stood in silence for a few long minutes. "Listen," she whispered. "It's happening."

I did not want to hear this. But neither could I abandon Quil or the Youngs, or little Claire. From inside the tent, I could hear her heartbeat grow stronger and faster. I was sure that even her parents, with their poor human ears, could hear it. To me, it sounded like a washing machine with the load out of balance. It was pounding now, rather than beating, faster and faster, louder and louder.

And then it stopped.

Esme got Claire's parents safely away from her. Carlisle positioned the child carefully and firmly in his arms before he gave the word for Alec to release her and Quil, from his psychic anesthesia. Carlisle had to be very careful. If she managed to wriggle out of his grasp, she'd attack her parents, or possibly Quil, before she even knew what she was doing. And worse, even if she did know what she was doing; she wouldn't be able to stop herself. A two year old child, with the cravings of a vampire – I wanted to cry. Aro chuckled gleefully. He had been looking forward to seeing an immortal child again, even if it would only be for a few minutes. Then his chuckles turned into something else, something... more. The change was subtle but unmistakable. What had been glee turned into... I wasn't sure. Then he, and the other vampires in the room gasped.

….

Claire Young was reported missing three days after the battle. It was a simple enough cover story. No need to produce a body. Children and even adults go missing in the forest outside La Push all the time – though no one has actually been lost that way since the Cullens moved back to the area. Three days after that, she was re-introduced to human society, as Nessie Black. The paleness and ethereal beauty that came with the transformation into a vampire made her look a lot like Renesmee's Nessie form. No one, who wasn't in the know, ever suspected the switch. And we had already established that Nessie was ill, so we used that to explain why she couldn't get close to people, why she was so pale, and why she stopped growing at such an early age.

Renesmee did not stop using her Nessie form, but that persona goes by Ren now. And she seldom becomes Ren when 'normals' are around. Officially, for those occasions when she does go out in public, she's Ren Hale, Alice and Jasper's daughter. They travel a lot, so most of Renesmee's human, non-Quileute friends have never even met her. There are lots of pictures of her around the house, though, and she is friends with most of Carlie's friends on facebook.

No one is happier than I am that Claire did not die that day. She is truly a precious child, and I'm glad that Jake and I became her guardians. It's a privilege and an honor. And it solved the problem we had, trying to pretend we had two daughters, when we really only had one. But sometimes – well, really all the time – she can be quite a challenge. Sometimes worse than others. She's obviously got one of her moods coming on this evening. I try to calm her down.

"Sweetie, it's best to stay in character all the time, so we don't slip up when humans are around. You know that."

"When am I ever around humans? Except my _real_ parents. And they already know my _real_ name."

The r-word should be banned from every adopted child's vocabulary – and every adoptive parent's. When she's in a very bad mood, Nessie uses it like a fist.

"Ooo, somebody got up on the wrong side of the coffin," Renesmee teases unhelpfully.

"Go chase a squirrel."

"Girls," I warn them both. "Ne... Claire, many vampires have two sets of parents, if they're lucky enough to have parents in their immortal lives. And George and Carol would be the first ones to tell you that Jake and I are just as real, and just as much your parents, as they are – just as Carlisle and Esme are mine." I give her a calm and reasonable argument – one that she doesn't want to hear, and doesn't do a lick of good. I know it doesn't. But the r-word hurts.

"That's because they're... big... dummies." She says it petulantly, almost crying. But even her insults sound cute and endearing; such is her gift and curse. I barely suppress a giggle. But Renesmee has a very different reaction.

"You take that back! George and Carol are the best. And you know it. It's not their fault they can't take care of you."

"They could, if they became vampires!"

That's not an argument I care to have again right now. We've had it often enough. And I suspect it's not what this is about anyway. "What's really the matter, Claire?"

"She's just upset that I'm having a party, and she's not invited."

Claire sulks, silently confirming Renesmee's suspicions. But I suspect that there's more to it than that.

"Claire, you know you're going to have a better time with Quil and Tanya tonight anyway. We'll have a second birthday party later, with all the vampires and the werewolves. Even Peter and Charlotte will be there."

"I don't want to go to her stinking birthday party! What are birthdays to us anyway?"

"All right. If you don't want to go to the party, what do you want?"

"I said I didn't want to go to a _birthday_ party."

"Then...?"

"I want to go to a _graduation_ party!" she cries.

Renesmee winces in guilty sympathy.

"Oh Claire," I whisper.

"It's supposed to be my graduation! Renesmee's only sixteen." She takes a sharp breath between each word. "She's not supposed to be graduating. I am!"

Windows rattle at the sound of her voice, and I'm across the room in the blink of an eye. It's been a long time since she's been this upset. I try to comfort her, but she shrugs me off. I guess I should have expected this; I know it has always bothered her that she can't go to school. But she's always held it in. She only pouted a little when Renesmee first started school – a year early – while she stayed home and played the sickly sister with developmental problems. She pretended it didn't bother her when Renesmee was double promoted two years later. And last year, when Claire should have graduated, if she had never become a vampire, she didn't even seem to notice.

But, back when she was five and should have been starting kindergarten, Carol told her that she and George would probably have kept her home for another year, even if she hadn't become a vampire, since her birthday was right on the edge. It was a little white lie that I'm sure she saw through. But she accepted it, and she didn't forget. Claire never forgets anything. She's not stupid – far from it. But despite her lightning-quick mind and perfect memory, she just doesn't have the patience for a formal education, or the willpower to be around humans. Even George and Carol have to have regular transfusions of werewolf plasma to make the smell of their blood less appealing, just so that they can get close to her. And even then, we're all on high alert whenever they visit. We try to home school her, of course. But even that's a challenge. And she's much too bright to be placated with fake grades.

"Maybe...," Renesmee offers. "Maybe she can come. Grandpa Carlisle could hold her. Or Jasper."

I shake my head. "If it was just a matter of keeping her from biting anyone. But you're forgetting about her talent." Her talent was, in many ways, the most amazing of any vampire's – and the most frightening. Carlisle has told us about the immortal children, and how they were so precious that whole covens and even groups of covens fought to the death to defend them. I can well imagine. Because Nessie Black, born Claire Young, takes that to a whole new level. If she bats her eyes and smiles at you, you will know what it's like - to imprint!

Alice had been right, of course, that there was no argument about destroying her. Once he saw her as a full vampire, Aro could no more harm her than Quil could. Neither could any of the other vampires present that day. As near as we can tell, the only real difference between their/our imprints and Quil's is that with Quil the feeling is somewhat mutual. In her way, Claire is as devoted to him as he is to her, though she's not quite as... smitten. It's her devotion to Quil, more than anything, that keeps her from becoming a true monster. She works very hard to keep from disappointing him. She has grown to love the rest of her family too, but she's not as devoted to us as she is to Quil.

"Please," Claire begs. "I promise to hold down my cuteness." She smiles at me angelically, melting my stone heart and completely undermining her case.

"Claire. It's just not a good idea. The last thing we need is a bunch of teenage humans captivated by you. I doubt any of them have the maturity to handle it. I doubt I could have handled it, if I hadn't been able to adopt you, and if I didn't already have Jacob and Renesmee to keep me grounded. Listen, I think that you will be able to get it under control some day. In a few years, we will try, with someone safe, someone who won't be hurt if we fail. But for now... You don't really want to hurt Renesmee's friends, physically or emotionally, do you?"

Her pouts are almost as cute as her smiles, and even more damaging. Seeing that I've softened her up, Renesmee moves in to seal the deal. "If you're a good girl, I'll sneak out tonight and take you swan diving."

Nessie eyes her sister suspiciously. She doesn't want to give in too easily. It sets a bad precedent. But she doesn't have the patience for long negotiations.

"Super sonic?"

"You'll hit the water like a meteor."

She pretends to think about it for a few seconds. I hear Quil and Tanya come in the front door downstairs.

"Nice of Tanya to volunteer to go hunting with you two, wasn't it?" I ask her.

"Yeah. She's nice. I think I'm going to make Quil marry her."

"Nessie!"

"What?"

"For one thing, they can hear you."

"So?"

"For another, Quil loves you. He's not your thrall."

"All you thralls say that. But you know you don't mean it," she says. I think she's teasing.

"Go," I tell Nessie. "We need to get ready, some humans will be here soon."

"Okay. Bye, Mom. Bye Ren." She heads downstairs the way an Olympic gymnast would—if she couldn't get hurt, and never got tired, and had super strength, speed and dexterity. She alternately runs, jumps, skips and hand springs the whole way. At times, I feel very bad for Nessie, forever stuck at almost three. But other times... to have a vampire's power, coupled with a toddler's simple joy and enthusiasm...

As I hear the door shut downstairs, I notice an almost imperceptible darkening of the room. I turn to see that Renesmee's hair has phased from Ren's copper blond, to Carlie's jet black. I smile and absently reach out to stroke the soft dark tresses.

"I don't see enough of Carlie."

"Well, you know... I have to be me all day at school, and when I sleep. And it's a lot easier to deal with the munchkin if she's not complaining about my b. o. – and if she's only a few times stronger than me, instead of what? Fifty? A hundred?"

"Something like that. Sorry."

"What? She got that way saving my life. Didn't she?"

I nod. "All our lives."

"Then I think I can handle it. She's no worse than a lot of my friends' sisters – better than most."

My breast swells with pride at my little girl. Renesmee is sixteen today, but she shows a maturity well beyond her years, certainly more than I had at that age. Maybe that's just normal for a werewolf. But it's still amazing to me, as amazing as any of her physical or mental abilities. I finish putting on my makeup while Renesmee gets dressed for the party. A short time later, her phone rings.

"Answer," she commands. "Hey, Uncle Em!"

She has it on speaker, which means it's okay for me to listen.

"Hey, kiddo. Happy birthday!"

"Thanks!"

"Well?"

"You know I got it—them. Driver's license, Eagle Scout and high school graduate. Not bad for a day's work, huh?"

"Not too shabby. Hey Rose, our son's an Eagle Scout."

I silently groan at that, and I hear a half-hearted whoopee in the background. Rose much prefers spending time with her niece than with her pretend son. I think her favorite part of that charade is that she knows how much Jake and I hate it – especially how much Jake hates it, but she certainly doesn't mind that I hate it too. I wonder if they can hear my teeth grind. Probably not; the phones aren't that good. But Renesmee can.

"Pretend son," she quickly adds. "Isn't it good enough that I'm your niece?"

"Sure it is. But my niece didn't make Eagle Scout."

"Yes she did. What the Scouts don't know won't hurt 'em."

"Okay, okay. Well, get over to your grandparent's and get your present. I recommend you don't drive anything you don't plan to leave there. Hint, hint."

"Aww, Uncle Em, Aunt Rose, you shouldn't have. But I can't get it tonight. I have a par-tay! And anyway, I bet Carl will like it better than Carlie."

"So, you going to invite your 'cousin' to the party again? Because that was hilarious."

"Oh, I'm so glad that the dumbest thing I ever did provides my family so much amusement. No, thank you. I told everyone he's in Europe with you guys."

I can't help chuckle. It was pretty funny. For a lark, she attended her last sleepover as both Carl and Carlie. That night, every few minutes – from the time they went to bed at twelve thirty, to almost two thirty – she had to sneak out of her room and into the guest room, phase into Carl, and politely decline one of her friends' advances. Then she had to get back to her room before she was missed, only to repeat the whole thing a few minutes later. Of course, for all her care, people did notice that Carlie kept sneaking into Carl's room. Now all her friends think that she and her cousin have something going on. One more minor scandal for the Cullen family, and the Blacks. Well, at least he's only supposed to be her adopted cousin. And of course no one blames her; Carl looks remarkably like his grandfather, Carlisle. In fact, unbelievable as it sounds, Carl looks even better. Renesmee seems to have envisioned him as a younger version of Carlisle, with a little more color to his skin, and touches of Rosalie and Emmett tossed in for good measure.

"So, how is Europe, by the way?"

"Awful. Especially England. The only good thing to eat here is off limits."

"What? No Jack the Rippers to hunt?"

"Not anymore."

"Ugh. A little too much information. No wonder the crime rate is so low there. I wonder if there'll be any food suitable for an American werewolf in London?"

He laughs his hearty laugh. I do miss Emmett, and even Rosalie, a little.

"I hear they have good vegetarian joints. I really wouldn't know. Okay, I know you have to go. But tell your mom to give me a call as soon as she gets a chance. There's something I, uh, need to talk to her about."

"Something about your middle brother?"

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

Renesmee laughs. "That's the only time people clam up around me. Never mind. Some day, I'm going to uncover the whole Uncle Edward conspiracy. But not today. Today I party!"

She barely gets off the phone with Emmett before it rings again. This time, she doesn't put it on speaker, so I tune her out to give her some privacy. She isn't on the phone for long though, and I can't help notice her silence afterward. With her ability to mimic any voice in the world – and improve on them – there's usually music coming from her room.

"Is anything the matter?" I call.

She comes back into my room with just a little less spring in her step than she had earlier.

"Not really. That was Michael. He wanted to know if it would be okay if he brought Lindsey to the party."

Michael took Renesmee to the Last Night dance a week ago. He's nice. She likes him.

"And is it – okay?"

"Yeah. I guess," she says wistfully. "I guess it kind of bothers me that it doesn't bother me. You know?"

"Not... completely."

"I just, I think that maybe my ability makes me – asexual."

"Honey..."

"Which, I'm really okay with," she hastens to add. "But sometimes, I think me and Nessie have a lot in common. I mean, she'll never... And I don't think I will either."

"Oh, Renesmee." I hug her and stroke her hair. I'm glad I'm wearing heals. It gives the illusion that I'm a little taller than she is, which seems appropriate right now. "You know, from Leah's experience, we don't think female werewolves ovulate until after they imprint. You shouldn't worry about it."

"I know. Or at least I know the theory. One isn't much of a sample. The other three lady wolfs never imprinted, remember? But I'm not the same as Leah, anyway. She stopped ovulating until she met Wes, but she didn't stop being interested. She didn't even stop being in love. She was still in love with Sam. Still is, even if she does love Wes more. And, well... When Leah changes into a wolf, it's like: she's still a woman. She's a woman in a wolf's body. It's the same with me – with my animal forms, that is. Vanessa, Odile, Bueller, they're all kind of like costumes I wear. But I'm as much Carl as I am Ren."

"Really? But you don't even become Carl very often."

"No. But I think that's partly just because I'm more used to being a girl. I mean, I guess I'm more Carlie and Ren than I am Carl, but not much more. For a while, I even hoped that, maybe with a teenage boy's rampaging hormones, I'd feel... something. But nope, Carl's no more interested than I am. Sigh."

"And the thing is, I know what love is like. I know exactly what it's like. When I'm part of the Pack, I see it, like it's a part of me. But I've never felt it for myself. They say that imprinting is like when a blind man first sees the Sun. But I've already seen it. I just don't get it."

"Heck, I didn't even imprint on Claire."

"Because you already loved her. As an infant, you absolutely adored her. No one who already loved her has imprinted on her. Her parents didn't, nor her grandparents, nor the Pack - though you could say that they'd already imprinted. Her talent mirrors a normal imprint; and a werewolf doesn't imprint if he's already found his true love. That's why Jake never imprinted on me."

"Yeah, I know. But... But what if you're wrong? What if I never imprint. Or worse, what if Dad does!"

"Then we'll deal with it."

"Or deal with her?"

"Cope, I mean. You know I'd never harm anyone your father cared about. But for the record, that wouldn't be worse. You've heard the saying: 'tis better to have loved and lost? Well, it's true. I'd be devastated if your father imprinted on someone else. But I'd gladly take it, if the alternative was you never getting the chance to know love at all. To experience it for yourself."

"That's just so wrong, Mom. I know love. I love lots of people. I won't be devastated if I never fall 'in' love, or imprint. And if the only way I can fall in love is if I imprint, then I'm not even sure I want to. I mean, it's pretty scary, you know?"

"Yes. Love is scary."

"I meant imprinting."

"Same thing." She starts to object, but I go on. "I've heard that analogy: 'Like a blind man first seeing the Sun.' But I've got a better one. Seeing Claire for the first time after she became a vampire was like the first time I saw you."

She looks at me, a little bemused and slightly embarrassed. "That's right. It was exactly like the first time I saw you – except that, with Claire, it was a little less frightening, because I'd already been through it with you. I was more prepared."

"Jeez, Mom. You had, like, two weeks to prepare for me."

"Oh, I knew that I was going to love you, as soon as I knew that I was pregnant. I was ready for that, or I thought I was. But nothing prepared me for the reality of it. When I first saw you, when you were first born, that was the most exhilarating, frightening, wonderful experience of my life. It was exactly like imprinting."

"Somehow, I don't feel very reassured. For someone else to have that kind of power over me... I don't know."

"I completely understand. Listen. I've had four great loves in my life. Four people have had the kind of power over me that a werewolf's imprint has over him or her."

"Four?"

"You, Claire, your father," I took a deep breath, "and Edward Cullen."

"Wait. What? Edward Cullen? Oh. My. God! Did you have an affair? Is that why no one will talk about him?"

"No, silly. Or, well, sort of. But it was before I started dating your father. Edward was my first love, my first boyfriend, really."

"You dated a vampire – while you were still human? Wow, mom. And I thought dad was brave!"

"Your father _is_ brave. But yes, well – actually, I think insane might be the word you were looking for. But love is like that: daring, reckless, foolish and even crazy. Caution goes out the window when there's something, someone, more important than yourself."

"Still not not scary, Mom."

"No, I guess not. Anyway, we'd better finish getting ready. Your friends will be here soon. We'll talk more later."

"Ha! You're not getting out of this one that easy. I'm a great multitasker, and I've got pretty good ears. Remember?" She says, as she goes back to her room. I hear her changing while she talks. I have pretty good ears myself.

"So what happened? With you and Edward, I mean."

"He left me. He was afraid that he was putting me in danger. He worried about my immortal soul, and he had some crazy idea that my life wouldn't be complete if I never had children. Okay, I have to give him that one, but that was just a lucky guess. So, anyway, he left, 'For my own good.'"

"But then he came back, right? To protect you from that crazy vamp, Victoria?"

"Right. Along with the rest of his family and later the Denali. But by that time, I was with Jacob, and pregnant with you."

"Okay. I get how that might be awkward, and why he had to go away again: to get over you, or avoid temptation, not sure I want to know which. But how come no one ever talks about him? And it's not just when you or Dad are around. No one ever talks about him when _I'm_ around."

It's a while before I answer – over a second and a half, in fact. There are a lot of things we need to talk about before she goes off to college. She'll be starting at Oxford in the fall, joining Rosalie and Emmett who are already enrolled, a year ahead of her. That was our grand compromise. She insisted on Europe. We insisted on bodyguards. I don't think it's any coincidence that Oxford will bring her much closer to Edward. She would have gone to the University of Bologna, if we had let her. But minutes before her party is not the time to tell her about her once and possibly future imprint. On the other hand, I have to tell her something. And, while I've kept a lot of secrets from her, I've never lied to her.

"Renesmee, I sent Edward away. And before you ask – no, it wasn't for Jacob's sake, or mine. It was for Edward's."

"You sent him away, so that he could get over you?"

"Not to get over me, not exactly. Vampires don't do that. Our memories are too perfect, our emotions too permanent. We are what we are, and we feel what we feel – forever."

"Then why? If he can't get over you, doesn't being away just hurt him more? It almost sounds like if Claire sent Quil away. He'd be miserable!"

I'm slow to answer. I hadn't realized how painful this conversation would be. "Edward was... well, he loved – loves – me. And he absolutely adored you. If he had stayed, he would have been like a second father to you – and, almost, like a second husband to me."

"Aww, that's so sweet! I mean, as long as Dad didn't kill him."

"After Edward saved your life, not to mention the rest of us? No, Jake wouldn't have killed him, but it would have been – was – very awkward. Besides, don't you think Edward deserves better than to be an almost husband, an almost father?"

"So you sent him away, for his own good?"

"Ironic?"

"Or payback."

"No. I have no guarantee that I did the right thing. But I can absolutely guarantee that hurting him was the last thing I ever wanted to do. And I sincerely believe that he will be happy some day. Much happier than if he had stayed."

I'm slightly startled by the sound of the doorbell. We've been talking longer than I realized.

"Well, I hope you're right," she says, as she heads downstairs to welcome the early arrivals. "And I hope I get to meet 'uncle' Edward while I'm in Europe."

Will she still want that when I tell her the likelihood that she will re-imprint the moment she does? I'm not sure. This is not the first time she's talked about her trepidation towards imprinting. I don't blame her. And I certainly won't force it on her.

Suddenly, I am panicked. I should have heard humans approaching long before they rang the bell. I've let myself get distracted by thoughts of Edward. To late, I hear Renesmee open the door with an exuberant welcome. I hear no other sound. No other heartbeat or breathing can be heard through the open door. I race to the stairway as fast as my legs will propel me. I leave deep divots in the oak floor and a deeper gouge in the door frame where I grab it to help me turn. I fly like a bullet, but I know that I am not fast enough – not if the vampire at the door wishes Renesmee harm. Then I hear something that makes me stop, as if I have run into an immovable wall. The law of inertia becomes a week suggestion, without force or conviction. A voice like no other, not only stops me, but transports me back to when I was just a little older than Renesmee. That voice, I realize, still has far more power over me than Time or Space or any mere Newtonian force.

I don't believe in coincidence. I haven't, for a very long time. Is he here because Renesmee needs him, misses him? Or was Renesmee missing him, without knowing what she was missing, because she sensed that he would soon be here? I wonder. But I doubt I will ever know the answer.

I hear another sound. A sound so soft that no human ears could hear it, but so powerful that even the blind and deaf couldn't miss it. So profound that even the soulless must be moved by it.

The sound of a changing heart.


End file.
